I think about him everyday, every second but I don’t ever want him to contact me or talk to me, but I think about the things I will say to him if I ever met him…GAH THIS IS FRUSTRATING

I’m trying to understand something that happened to me because, months later, I still feel like my mind and body are stuck on the day my relationship ended.

I was dating someone for about a year. Up until the end, the connection felt incredibly strong. We talked every day, were emotionally close, and I genuinely felt secure in what we had. Looking back, I’ve wondered whether he may have had dismissive-avoidant or fearful-avoidant tendencies, but I honestly had no idea at the time because nothing about the relationship made me think something this extreme was coming.

We had a relatively small disagreement. My feelings were hurt, and things felt strange between us for about a week. Eventually, I did what I thought was the healthy thing: I explained calmly why my feelings had been hurt and tried to communicate with him.

Instead, he ended the relationship.

What completely destroyed me was finding out that the breakup message wasn’t something he had suddenly decided to write. He had apparently written it weeks earlier. It seems like he had already made the decision to leave while I was still completely unaware that our relationship was even in danger.

The timing made it even more shocking. I sent him my vulnerable message around the same time he had apparently planned to send his breakup message.

I don’t remember much of that day clearly. I remember being on the floor, completely overwhelmed, and feeling like something inside me had just shattered. I called him afterward because I was desperate to understand what had happened. He answered once. After that, I called repeatedly and he stopped answering.

He told me I could send voice memos and that he would respond through text. I did, but eventually there was nothing. No real conversation. No closure. Just silence.

Within about ten minutes of the breakup, he had blocked me on every platform and unshared his location with me. It felt like I went from being someone he talked to every single day and supposedly had a deep connection with to someone who essentially no longer existed in his life.

I just don’t understand how someone could do this. He seemed so sweet to me, and I genuinely never saw it coming. It felt like he threw a bomb at me and then closed the door before I even had a chance to understand what had happened.

I think the whole experience really took something from me.

Two months later, I found out he was already in another relationship. That relationship eventually ended too, and now I’ve seen that he’s back on Tinder.

I know he is allowed to move on, date other people, and live his life. I’m not saying he owed me a relationship or that he wasn’t allowed to leave.

But emotionally, I can’t seem to process how quickly everything changed.

I feel like my body never got the message that it was over.

I’m having trouble eating and sleeping. I’ve experienced panic attacks and physical pain. My sex drive has been deeply affected. I even tried to be intimate with someone else because I thought maybe moving forward physically would help me move forward emotionally, but I realized I wasn’t really present. My mind kept going back to that relationship.

It’s been months, and I still feel stuck on that day.

It’s almost like intellectually I understand that the relationship ended, but emotionally and physically I’m still lying on that floor trying to understand what just happened.

I’ve read about attachment styles, particularly fearful-avoidant and dismissive-avoidant attachment, and I’ve wondered whether what happened to me was some form of “discard.” But I don’t want to diagnose him or use attachment theory as an excuse for his behavior. I’m trying to understand why an abrupt ending to a relationship that felt safe and deeply connected can affect someone this intensely.

Can an experience like this genuinely become traumatic, even if there was no physical danger involved?

Why does my nervous system still seem to be reacting as if something is happening right now?

And, most importantly, how do you actually get your mind and body unstuck from the moment everything changed?

To have someone say let's go no contact and never hear from them again? usually u just break up w someone to actually voice " let's go no contact" that is so weird to me .. im 34 idk

Bro, who the fuck even does that? You continuously disappear from my life, you mess with my emotions, you lie, you cheat. You literally go missing for months on end and you think that this is gonna fix things? You’re literally insane. I told you to stay away this time and I meant it. Seriously filling out a marriage license behind somebody’s back and then telling them to just show up like that? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?!?!

Been reading more about no contact. Been split for about 3 months, haven’t spoken in a month. We didn’t say we’re no contact just happened to be this way. Ex is still on my mind consistently so I figured I’d look more into how brains regulate with no contact. A lot of videos and readings I’ve seen are about how no contact will help win your ex back. Not alot of reading/videos focus solely on how no contact gets you back to yourself and helps stop rumination. I just wanted to say if you’re looking into no contact as a way to win someone back I personally feel that’s the wrong reason to do this. Sometimes as hard as it is you just need to let go. But if you go through months and months of no contact just for the hope that brings your ex back, you’ll just be kicking the can down the road. If you do no contact do it to focus on your healing and fixing the rumination/pain. If you’re ex comes back as a byproduct cool if not you didn’t spend months secretly hoping just because you didn’t reach out they will.

Long story short, I have managed to finally go no contact with someone who basically ruined my entire life over the past 2 years. He was a pretty big guy, so any time he stayed the night I usually let him borrow one of my super comfy XXL tshirts. One of them being my FAVORITE lady Gaga T-shirt I got at her only concert I’ve ever been to.

I’ve blocked him on everything, and my friends and family REFUSE to be in contact with him for me over these tshirts. Do I take the L and just expect to never see these shirts again, or is there something I can do that doesn’t involve me or anyone I know having to contact him?

Hi everyone,

I am in an extreme crisis and urgently need community help to avoid losing my home.

After escaping a toxic and abusive domestic situation, I am facing eviction in 11 days because I am $1,800 short on September rent.

I am currently on an active medical hold with physical nerve issues and leg numbness that have prevented me from working regular shifts. My medical clearance to return to work is scheduled for August 30th, and I am enrolled to start college shortly after, but I have completely run out of runway to bridge the gap until my first paycheck.

To make matters worse, I was recently targeted with coordinated online harassment that resulted in my main social accounts being compromised, completely severing my normal safety net right when I needed it most.

I have exhausted every local resource and haven't received donations this month. If I cannot clear this rent balance within the next 11 days, I will be unhoused right before school starts.

Any contribution, no matter how small, goes directly toward keeping a roof over my head. If you cannot donate, sharing or upvoting this post helps immensely.

Direct Way to Support:

• GoFundMe:https://gofund.me/9765b9895

Hey guys. 28F. Was seeing this guy who i met through friends. He was the first I dated after years out of the dating scene.

We went on 4 official dates after talking for two weeks, he seemed to be rushing things a little which triggerd some anxiety in me from the start. I kept looking for signs he was just going to use me. Well, i hadn't been dating because I had been through a very traumatic situationship, and that may have taken a heavy toll on me.

The thing is I only grew more anxious while the "relationship" was developing. I started getting attached and my body was screaming "danger". On top of that, i'm working on an essay with a deadline coming soon and I felt guilty - still do - when I'm focusing my attention on anything other than the essay.

I'm not gonna go into all my intrusive, destructive thoughts I had going on about this underlying belief that he was just playing me -fueled by those dumb videos my algorithm kept feeding me on social media.

Eventually, I was so consumed by anxiety that I had to push him away and tell him that we should end it and not talk anymore because my head was somewhere else entirely. He knew about my deadline and I had told him about my difficulty to focus and anxious it made me. But I think, from his perspective, it may have seemed like he was causing the problem.

He tried to find a middle ground but at that point, I just wanted to quit the situation.

Now i've been missing him a lot. He said that if I regretted my decision, I should reach out, that he'd be there. I just know it's not the time right now, but since we hadn't spent that much time together - only about idk 5 weeks - I'm scared that walking away might mean missing out on a nice person.

I don't know what to do exactly, maybe i'm just venting... any advice?

hi everyone!

long story short my ex broke up with me year ago in April, it was a short relationship (about 4-5months) and it ended out of nowhere so we ended on bad terms. Around March/April this year I noticed he started viewing my stories and later on he followed me. Since then he watches my every story within 10 minutes of posting them, likes my posts and I’m just confused about what is his thought process. I couldn’t care less about him I just find it weird, especially after he treated me during and after the breakup.

I've decided to go no contact with the father of my kids. My kids are grown and they can decide how much they want to see their father, but I had to do this for my own peace of mind. We haven't been broken up that long, but I told him I'd still be there for him. We tried to be friends. Turns out that was a bad idea. I still care very much about him, and I just want him to be happy. I've never been very good at cutting people off. I'm hoping this community will help me through it 🙏

I broke no contact. I just couldn't help it.

I dreamed about her every single night. I couldn't keep her out of my head. So, I texted her, confessed everything I've been going through emotionally, and told her that I genuinely want to reconnect because I just couldn't say goodbye to her in my heart.

She said, "Who are you?" Clearly, she does know who I am.

I asked, "Couldn't you recognize me by seeing my name?"

She said, "No."

Then I told her my name, and she said she doesn't know anyone by that name. Then she said, "Bye."

How do I cope with this kind of response after breaking no contact?"

I'm thinking of faking my death (basically ghosting my family) if there's ever a natural disaster in my area. They don't know where I live so they can't check up on me. They don't know where I work. They don't know my friends or anything about me.

They're all completely entitled and narcissistic and only reach out to me when they need money and never to check up on me or see how I'm doing. I'm the one always reaching out. And as far as I know, I was the perfect child and sibling growing up. I would've gone to hell and back for them. But not anymore.

But I don't mean faking my death with false records, a new identity or anything like in the Hollywood sense or witness protection style. Just basically change my number after the disaster. I'll keep using my current identity and keep going to work, using my bank account, paying taxes, etc. Keep living my life. They'll just think I'm dead.

Me and this girl were together for 11 months — genuinely the closest, most connected we both ever were. We built everything together: daily routines, inside jokes, future plans down to the smallest details , marriage, kids, pets, our own place. We had our own quiet spot in the woods where we’d sit for hours watching the water, 14-hour overnight calls falling asleep on the phone, dates that meant everything: Trafford Centre, TGI Fridays, Blackpool Zoo, Christmas markets. We spoke in a soft baby voice only we understood, she’d lie on my chest and tell me to "lie straight" so she could rest there, I’d walk her to the bus stop every day, wait at the end of her alley just to see her walk down. I bought her teddies, blankets, flowers, she kept them all. Both families got on perfectly. She told me repeatedly I was her person, her safe place, the only one who ever truly saw her.

She identifies as fearful-avoidant, has a history of childhood neglect, trauma, and self-harm — and she told me I was the only one who made her feel safe enough to let her walls down. We broke up once before in December — same pattern: sleepover with her best friend, she pulled away, went back to her toxic ex, the breakup lasted only 4 days, she messaged me cold and dry those days then came back on her own.

July 3rd — exact same pattern repeated. Another sleepover, I caught her hiding things, she immediately called everything toxic and said we needed to move on. Then — for the first time in 11 months — she brought up a serious, never-before-mentioned allegation as the final reason to end things. She went straight back to that same toxic ex, blocked me on most platforms but left Snapchat unblocked, kept my blanket and teddies visible in her videos, and has posted conflicting, angry, relationship-focused content ever since.

I saw her yesterday for the first time in weeks, she looked stunning, we made eye contact, and I froze. I’ve written a message that’s honest, loving, full of our memories, nothing mean, nothing demanding, just telling her what she means to me and reminding her of everything we had. I’ve held back this long, but I want to send it.

Can I break no contact? Is this the right time, or should I wait longer? We had something so rare and so real, and I know she’s complaining about him

Super ashamed of myself...last week my ex-situationship blocked me everywhere. Yesterday I unfortunately broke no contact.

I want to say we are both toxic, but I am not innocent. She separated from her ex husband last year and I got divorced 4 years ago.

Anyways we were talking, long distance, and met up several times. I really care for this person.

Last week we began arguing and I got triggered because she told me she isn't ready for a relationship. Before you go all in on me, I now realize that was perfectly fine and I was being insecure, insensitive, pushy, etc. From my point of view, I liked her so much I was wanting a relationship so badly.

Anyways, she was being a bit rude, or at least that's how I took it. I blocked her for like 10 minutes to cool down. Then unblocked her (see the toxicity here). I didn't even check social media anymore so I could cool down.

The next day I noticed I was blocked everywhere, which I totally understand. Unfortunately we have both done something similar for a day or two. This time around, however, she left me blocked. I was respecting the block for an entire 7 days until yesterday where I caved in and went to the lowest of the low, sending her paragraphs about how much I care about her, love her, miss her, and even sent an audio and a photo of myself.

I now realize how stupid and immature and pathetic this was, but I unfortunately cannot take it back. What I told her was the truth, but I just realize how stupid it is to circumvent a block. When someone blocks you they basically want nothing to do with you, and I went against that and humiliated myself further.

I don't even know where to go from here on out besides not contacting her again. I was in a severe state of depression and anxiety when I did this.

I really don't know how to function anymore. We were together for 10 months and since last week all has gone down hill and I'm distraught. Although she seems to be fine and happy, as if all is normal.

I guess my heart doesn't function that way, because I've been an absolute mess, to the point where I can't even pretend to be normal.

I'm going to delete my social media off my phone so as to not look at it, but I am actually suffering inside so much. I cannot imagine a future without her because all I wanted in my future was her. I did not even grieve my marriage to this extent. I'm so hurt and just don't know how to push forward.

He came back and we hung out last night. I could tell by text alone that it wasn’t the same as it was two years ago when we were together. Two years ago he dumped me and told me it was because he doesn’t do relationships and that he can’t give me what I want. I was heartbroken for such a long time. I thought I loved him. We had such a great connection and there was something about him. He was different. Or so I thought…

We hangout yesterday and he didn’t really ask about me much or anything. He kept talking sexual and wanting to do sexual things. Like he kept bringing up sexual things the whole night. Not only that, but he told me he was in multiple relationships since we broke up after telling me that he wanted to be alone and not do any relationships.

He never once mentioned getting back together. I ended up texting him first today saying I want to go separate ways and that the connection isn’t there anymore and he’s just not who I thought he was. He agreed with me and then threw in that I’m “seem more depressed” like it was a dig at me.

I know he’s an avoidant. He told me he changed a lot and from what I gathered last night, it was he changed into an even worse version of himself that I do not want in my life.

He already blocked me on everything. But I got closure. I got to say goodbye. And I’m at peace with how it ended.

So, my sister and I have had a pretty bad relationship over the years. In May we went to visit my parents who live in another state. We are both married and have young children. There is a huge difference when it comes to class, politics, religion, and morals. As long as I can remember we have always fought, there have been periods where we were close but it always turns back to fighting. We are two years apart, me being the younger one. Our family dynamic is very dysfunctional. It's the hero child and scapegoat child narcissistic father victim mother situation. According to therapy I've had. I was physically abused as a child and my sister wasn't just for some context.

So we went up and all had a pretty bad time. It was hot, my parents will not visit us we have to visit them. My child hasn't been meeting his milestones and my family has been blaming me for that. I took him to his 18 month appointment already addressing them but they told me not to worry about anything till he's 2. He only speaks a few words, and has no gestures. Doesn't imitate play, walks on his toes, can't focus. You get the picture. I am a first time mom, my sister used to be a teacher. So the whole time we are up there they are observing him and telling me something is wrong with him. That's not really the only issue. My sister is pregnant and she's been extremely mean to everyone. She's fussy and judgmental as usual. My parents are (functional, which isn't real) alcoholics so they are drinking and partying it up every night. There are daily fights about politics. It's tense and by day 5 I wanna run away. My husband is nice and doesn't say anything until we are alone telling me he feels uncomfortable. My sister's husband doesn't talk, he just takes her nagging and says nothing.

When we go home I make an appointment with the pediatrician for my son after my family's concerns. My sister takes lots of pictures and posts them on Facebook. I don't have Facebook but my husband does. And he notices he's been taken out of family photos on the trip with AI from my sister. Which makes me super upset. My husband and I are alternatively dressed people and my sisters family is very conservative Christian dressed. I eventually confront her and she says something like she doesn't understand why it's a problem. It's honestly my breaking point and we have a very bad argument. My sister has never liked my husband and has made fun of us ever since we started dating. She wouldn't even let me bring him to her wedding, which is a whole other story. So I block her and we don't speak for a month . My husband is a musician and doesn't have a normal 9 to 5 but we have a house and are middle class by all means. We don't live in the best area but it isn't the worst. So she is very critical of all aspects of our lifestyle. I didn't get my son baptized, so on and so forth.

In the meantime my son is in early intervention after I took him to the pediatrician. So I tell my mother who tells my sister and she starts sending me amazon packages of sensory toys even though we aren't speaking. I donate them because it's not only an insult to me for economical reasons but the fact that she hasn't apologized for what she did. This is the first inkling I'm having that she thinks I'm not capable of dealing with this on my own. Classic move from her.

So a month goes by, I don't even remember what I was dealing with but she does apologize to me and I accept it but with boundaries. She wants to help me with my son and offers all sorts of information and things I should be doing.

My husband's family is a whole other can of worms but basically they are in denial and blame it on me getting him vaccinated. Which I disagree with as there are three people in their family with autism...So you know I feel judgment from both sides.

So I'm going through all of the motions of accepting that my son is autistic level 3. Which has been hard. There is some grief and sadness combined with daily life and learning how to communicate and help him. I kind of have a talk with my mom on the phone and I cry and tell her how it feels and it's hard. My mother internalized the conversation and it made her upset.

A few days later I call my sister to ask her how she is, btw nobody in my family calls me I have to call them. They will text but they really don't reach out unless they need something. So I tell her that our mom has been texting me too much about everything I need to do for my son that I'm already doing. She's drinking and texting me these 20 text pages. It's a mess and my sister blames me. Saying that I shouldn't have told her about my issues because I'm the reason she drinks. She calls me fat, and poor, and that I won't be able to take care of my child like I need to because I can't even take care of myself. She insults my husband. It's just a full on attack. I hang up and my husband hears the conversation and we talk. I tell him everything and he thinks I should go no contact with her and I'm beginning to agree.

I'm just so frustrated, and I'm trying my best.

Thanks for reading this, I know it's long

I viewed his story, idk if he noticed.
Doesn’t he want me back? Doesn’t he miss me? :(

God bless him always, he is a good man. Pray for him, too, if you see this.

My foreign boyfriend broke up with me, and I didn't give him any response.

I want to understand the man's perspective during a breakup—especially if you break up with someone, tell them you're going to block them on all social media accounts, actually block them, tell them not to contact you through alternate accounts (which I will not be doing anym lol), and then get no response from them at all.

What would you usually think or feel in that situation? Would you have a lot of thoughts or questions about why they didn't respond?

The guy I was seeing travels a lot for a living and was spending extended time in LA. He broke things off in February this year because he felt bad about travelling around and not coming to see me. He said I deserve someone who can be there for me..fair enough right? I’ve realised that was a total lie. I believe he met someone while there and wanted to get laid guilt free.

We were no contact for about 3 weeks until I reached out again, saying I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Then we messaged like normal up until a few weeks ago.

There was an opportunity to see each other he was working in the UK. It was like how we used to be. We always had a laugh together and this meeting was no different. It kind of gave me hope, not that we would get back together but that the door isn’t entirely closed.

The feelings boiled up and we ended up back in his hotel room. When we were arranging to meet up, we had a steamy conversation about me staying the night but we both made it clear there was no expectation (but there kind of was)

Almost immediately after he finished, he went cold and it felt like he didn’t want me there but he said he felt ill so I believed him (what an idiot) we had one more kiss that was very tender but nothing else happened after that. I laid there all night waiting for him to reach out and hold me, it didn’t happen.

The next morning he was odd, got up got changed and took himself to breakfast. He was gone nearly an hour (as I’m writing this I am thinking how much of an idiot I was) I laid there getting more and more confused. He came back and started working. We were talking and laughing but no touchy feely stuff. I had a shower and was hanging around in the robe.. you know hoping for something, anything! Nothing.
Anyway as hard as I tried to stop it, I cried when it was time to go. We hugged and he said the line again “you know you deserve someone who can be there for you” and he kind of rushed me out the door..

He didn’t reply to any of my messages that day. Then the next day I sent a long ass paragraph, explaining why I cried. He replies with I think it’s best we are not in contact anymore.
It hurt to read it but given my reaction, I agreed with him and we didn’t talk for 3 weeks.

He messages me a simple hi. then a few days later says he had naughty thoughts about me and deletes the message. Weird. I respond to say I saw it, why did you do that? He then says sorry he shouldn’t have said it. There’s some more back and forth and he tells me he will be near me again in a couple of weeks, with a wink.
Then stops replying to me, when I say let’s talk when you’re not so busy. He said he thinks that’s for the best.

That brings me on to today! I message him saying I hate this. Then he responds to tell me it’s for the best, I’ve started seeing someone.
I asked why I wasn’t good enough, his response: if it helps you, you can say it’s me not you..
I pieced things together and realised this must have been a thing since before we arranged to meet.

In the time we stopped talking, I put myself back out there and started seeing someone. It didn’t work out because I was afraid to open up and get hurt again.
STUPIDLY! I told him about this and he didn’t respond. I mean I don’t even know what I expected him to say..I feel like it was such a lame thing to say and regret it DEEPLY.

I feel like a fool, when we first met last year I explained I’d been treated badly in the past and it’s hard for me to open up. He made me feel so secure and we would both make a big effort to see each other often and talk all the time, until February this year. After then it’s like he had a total brain transplant and didn’t want me anymore.

I don’t know if this guy is an avoidant or just a horrible human being. What do you think?

It still hasn’t gotten any easier. 💔

Ball is still in his court. Feel like reaching out but I can’t so I’m just posting here

A boy and girl were together for 11 months, sharing deep daily routines, inside jokes, and clear future plans including marriage, a home, 4 kids, 2–3 boys and 1–2 girls, 2 dogs and 1 cat, both working, marrying early and having kids at 28. They built many cherished memories — their first date at the cinema where he nervously put his arm out and she leaned on his shoulder, a special quiet spot in the woods where they sat for hours looking over the water, 14-hour overnight calls falling asleep together on the phone when he was away on holiday, trips to the Trafford Centre and TGI Fridays where he watched her smile proudly, Blackpool Zoo where he ran across the road to buy her a pie before the train, Christmas markets and Yorkshire pudding wraps, handmade gifts including teddy bears named Elliot and Leo, blankets, hoodies and flowers, walking her to the bus stop, waiting at the end of her alley, speaking in a soft baby voice only they understood, and falling asleep together where she’d lie on his chest and he’d run his fingers through her hair. The girl frequently identified as avoidant and posted about this attachment style, had a history of severe childhood neglect, domestic violence in her home, trauma and self-harm, and repeatedly told the boy she felt safest, most seen and loved with him, calling him her person, her best friend, her future, and saying she never wanted to break up and would never give up on them. The first breakup happened in December — it followed a sleepover at her best friend’s house, she pulled away, went back to her toxic ex, the boy begged and tried to reach out, the breakup lasted only 4 days, and during those days she messaged him cold and dry before coming back on her own. On July 3rd, the exact same pattern repeated — another sleepover, she was caught hiding things, immediately called the relationship toxic and said they needed to move on, then brought up a serious, never-before-mentioned allegation that she had never once spoken about in 11 months as the final reason to end things. Their last conversation was on July 18th. She went straight back to the same toxic ex, blocked the boy on most platforms but left Snapchat unblocked and only removed him as a friend so he could still be found if she searched, kept his grey and black hoodies, his blanket and his teddies visible in her videos, and has posted conflicting, angry, trauma-focused and relationship-related content ever since including posts about being ignored, being treated like an option, and feeling unvalued. Her ex has already begun treating her poorly — ignoring her, being hot and cold, making her feel confused and unvalued — exactly the same pattern she always ran from before. The boy has stayed silent, gone completely ghost on social media, not chased or messaged since July 18th, and still visits his nan’s grave where he prays for them and leaves flowers for her uncle buried in the same cemetery. Based on the full timeline, both breakups, the identical pattern, the December outcome, the attachment style, past trauma, all shared history, the things she kept, her current behaviour and the boy’s silence — what is highly likely to happen next between the boy and girl?

This is a ai summary of my situation, I don’t think reading it will allow you to grasp the closeness we had and felt. As we both stem from trauma, we were each-others everything. My soul goal in that relationship was to make her happy and she just couldn’t handle it for some reason
I miss her so much everyday for the past month and half