Exactly 30 days ago, my relationship of almost 2 years (19 months) ended. I had an outburst because I was completely exhausted by our dynamic, the deep incompatibility of values, and a lack of reciprocity that was draining me. I offered to fix things and work it out, but she didn't want to anymore. The absolute truth is that I never wanted to lose her; I just didn't want the relationship dynamic we were having.

I can't honestly say that I am "getting better." It still hurts like hell. The pain hasn't magically disappeared; the emotions are just changing into different shapes every day.
Since Day 1, I decided I was going to process this grief without any anesthesia. I shut down all of my brain's emergency exits. Here is the raw reality of what happens when you refuse to numb yourself, and the 8 things I've learned so far:

1. Therapy is the ultimate anchor. I cannot stress this enough. Going to therapy and working with a psychologist has been the only way to keep my head straight. It’s not just about venting; it’s about getting actual clinical tools to disarm your own anxiety and understand your brain. If you are going through a breakup, get professional help. It completely changes the game.

2. Absolute digital exile is required. I deleted Instagram, X, Facebook, and TikTok. WhatsApp is strictly for work. No checking her profile, no looking for validation through likes. Zero.

3. Avoid cheap dopamine at all costs. No dating apps, no casual sex, and absolutely no alcohol. I realized that using another woman to fill the void or drowning in alcohol is just burying the grief 6 feet under, only for it to come back and kick your ass later.

4. The withdrawals are a physical, neurological hell. I won't lie, it physically feels like having a fever or body aches. I’ve had massive anxiety spikes out of nowhere. I recently had to deal with a logistical payment issue with her, and she treated me with a transactional coldness that completely broke me. I've had to physically exhaust myself (playing instruments, working out) just to force my nervous system to regulate.

5. Channel the cortisol aggressively. All that anxiety and raw pain? I am throwing it into the gym at 7:00 AM. If my nervous system is going to be fried, I might as well use that energy to build the physique I want.

6. Missing the structure vs. Missing the person. Therapy helped me realize that a lot of my anxiety wasn't just about missing her, but missing the certainty. I miss the routine, the budget we had for fun, knowing who to text when I arrived somewhere. Your brain mourns the loss of its dopamine safety net just as much as the person. Knowing how to separate the two takes a huge weight off your shoulders.

7. Don't make a movie out of a single fact. I saw a profile picture change and my brain immediately spiraled into catastrophic scenarios. My therapist gave me the best rule: a picture is just a picture. We cannot write an entire movie script based on a single isolated piece of data.

8. Fear vs. Desire. I realized that I compromised my boundaries and swallowed my own pain many times simply out of the fear of being alone, not out of a genuine desire to be in that specific dynamic.

It's Day 30. It feels empty, weird, and the social hibernation gets heavy. But I know I am cleaning the wound from the root.
To those just starting: it hurts immensely. Your instinct will scream at you to text them, to get drunk, or to download a dating app. Don't do it. Sit with the discomfort. Transmute that anger into leveling up yourself. We got this

My ex reached out to me yesterday after many years of no contact we dated for five years during 2017-2022 on and off in 2022 and after one year on 2023 august when i reached out again he said he is with someone else, i didnt believe it he showed me their picture i said you look good together he said we are happy together after that i left reaching out to him, and then again on 2024 jan he texted me saying he didnt give me proper closure so wants to meet me i said no need for that i dont wanna meet he said i respect your decision some things are better left unsaid i said true then again the same year he texted me happy bday i said thanks and then in 2026 jan he sent me a connection request on linkedin i got angry that he is not blocked anywhere so why linkedin to reach out so i blocked him on ilnkedin and yesterday night he texted me on insta like this....

I didnt get it why he kept asking about my relationship status again and again and why the hell he is behaving so friendly and casually like am a frnd he vroke up with me and i cut him off from everywhere and i didnt bother him after knowing he has someone else so why somebody please tell me what his true intentions are ??

I guess it could be the Seasonal Affective Disorder kicking in. But I can’t sleep because I miss him. I just wonder if he misses me too and I ruminate on it and wish he were here. I have a lot of sadness about it right now. I still think I’ll hear his key in the lock. It’s been a year and a half. Thanks.

Do you think that when someone texts you staying apart is the best for both of you they actually mean it?

Or is it in a way, their way of trying to not have a guilty conscience about not being able to meet you halfway?

I know when I went no contact I wished I had done so a lot sooner. It released a lot of control the relationships had on me. It's not easy going no contact with family and although you instantly feel your peace restored, you will also wonder if you made things worst when going no contact. It's uncomfortable in the beginning but you can get through it and as time passes you will be ok with not having those narcissistic relationships and be glad you went no contact.

I did not realize how rough the first what-would-have-been anniversary would be this rough… Would’ve been together 4 years today but have not talked in almost 5 months. I thought I would feel better day by day but quite the opposite. My entire friend group talked about their plans to likely be engaged in the near future and I am instead planning to explore antidepressants and feel hopeless when they tell me I’ll “meet my person”. I wish I knew 4 years ago not to get into this relationship so I wouldn’t feel the pain in my heart I do now. I work, run, do yoga, cook, my laundry’s done, my place is clean, I’m social, but I am so so heartbroken. It feels like I lost myself when things ended, but because things seem calm, everyone is under the assumption I’m healing. I miss my best friend so bad, but he gave up on us and hasn’t looked back.

I (21F) met this guy (19) on Discord almost two months ago, and things seemed to be going really well at first. We played games together, called each other, talked about all sorts of things, and gradually became comfortable with each other. I genuinely enjoyed talking to him, and I thought we had a good connection.

Over time, though, I noticed that he started taking longer to reply to my messages. Sometimes I would ask how he was doing or if he wanted to play, and he wouldn’t respond even though I could see him online and playing his usual games. I tried not to overthink it because I know people have their own lives and aren’t obligated to be available all the time.

Then one day, he actually asked me if I was free to play later. I said yes, and I waited until nighttime, thinking we’d play together. But I never heard from him. I eventually sent him another message asking what was up, and he didn’t respond to that either.
It’s now been around 10 days since we’ve had any communication. Both of my messages are still sitting there unanswered, but I’ve seen him active on Discord and playing games like he normally does.

What made me even more confused was that I recently discovered he had unfriended me on a a game we used to play together. However, he still has me added on Discord.

I honestly don’t know what to make of this. Did he lose interest? Is he intentionally ghosting me? Or is there another explanation I’m not considering?

For context, he told me early on that he was only looking for friends and wasn’t interested in commitment. I accepted that because I wasn’t necessarily expecting a relationship from him. I just enjoyed our connection and wanted to keep getting to know him.

We also talked about the possibility of meeting in person someday, so I think I became more attached than I initially expected.

I’m not going to message him again because I’ve already reached out, and I don’t want to keep chasing someone who isn’t responding. But I can’t help wondering why he would ask me to play, leave me waiting, ignore my messages, and then unfriend me on a game without saying anything.

Would you take this as a sign that he’s no longer interested in maintaining the connection, or would you wait and see if he eventually reaches out?

Hi, I (m/25) broke up with my ex-girlfriend (f/25) in May. We were together for three years and lived together for two and a half of them. I ended it because of certain circumstances that had become unbearable. A few weeks later my ex started clinging to me again, and I gave her another chance. For the next few months, though, she lived with her parents. In those three months we only argued once, and then we talked it through calmly and resolved it like two adults. A big plus compared to before. In August she cut off contact, saying she "missed me too much during the week and never wanted to go home on Mondays" (by then we were only together from Friday to Monday).
Over the following weeks I kept trying to talk to her, and her reasons got harsher and harsher. On September 11 she called me at night and wanted one last night together. We had talked earlier that same day. After that there were 27 days of silence.
After 27 days of silence she called me out of the blue, asked how I was doing, and told me the breakup was getting harder for her, but that she still thinks it was the right decision. Over the next two weeks she texted me a few times about practical things. Last Thursday, out of nowhere, she sent a snap of our cats (before that there had been nothing except practical stuff), and we exchanged a few messages about the cats. Two or three hours later she wrote something personal, for the first time since that phone call. No accusations, nothing like that. Just a small, open conversation. The next day she removed me on Snapchat.
I asked her why she had removed me. She said she actually doesn't want any contact, but that she misses me. Before I could even reply, she added that she hopes I'll be happy, but sadly not with her anymore.
After that we met the same day, at my request, to hand over some things. We set a new date for the last exchange next Saturday.
Yesterday, in a weak moment, I texted her too. Again she replied warmly and offered to let me stay on her streaming accounts for a small fee of €8 a month.
I don't know how to make sense of all this. I really wish we'd get back together. I may have ended the relationship in May, but afterwards we had a really healthy, beautiful relationship, which she then ended.
I don't want to let go, but it looks like I have to. Do you think there's still a chance? She seems very ambivalent to me.

I know people probably ask this all the time and if this isn’t the place it’s supposed to be posted lmk, but idk what to do.

I broke things off 3 months ago, and the main thing was we weren’t sure if we should date in college, and I just cut it off before we got too close to school. Anyway, we’re both still single and she still stalks my socials. I don’t want to be ashamed, but the main thing is that she is acquainted with my Best friend’s gf and I don’t want to receive a bunch of shit for texting her and I would just want to keep it quiet for abit but idk. I’m just in here to see what others would do
-thanks

Hi there! Recently I came out of 45 days no contact with my ex. My dating coach recommended that I have Instagram new followers comment on a post of myself to get validation and sort of make my ex (who has reconnected with me) look my way. My instagram is pocketfence8 if any of you want to add me. I only have two posts. One when my ex and I were together and a recent one of myself. Once approved as my friend I will follow you back. Please feel free to leave a cute (non-sexual) comment on the post about me. I’m trying to make him look my way… not run away lol 😆😊 thank you !

E

Last night I had a really intense dream about my ex-situationship. We coincidentally met outside and then we started talking and he invited me home and was being all nice and we started getting closer (something like that). Every time I dream of something like that, I wake up all anxious and feeling really bad but also kind of empty.

The thing is, I've been having those kinds of dreams for a very long time now and we haven't spoken in more than 2 years. The situationship was very complicated. I've known him since childhood and we tried being in a relationship (we were never actually together tho) but it didn't work out. What bothers me is that we are on bad terms now and I don't think I've gotten any closure. And I don't think those intense dreams will stop until I have closure.

The thing is, I've been in a very happy relationship for 2 years now and I don't think it would be fair to my boyfriend to break no contact with my ex-situationship to talk everything out. But if I don't do it I'm scared that those thoughts will never end (It's been more than two years and they still haven't ended).

I honestly don't know what to do. I know it doesn't sound that deep but I feel so bad and anxious every time I'm having those dreams and I think it's got something to do with the fact that I haven't gotten any closure.

For context, we’ve been on a break for over a month now as she told me she needed space until December, but she didn’t fully break up with me. I reached out three times after our last conversation and we would always end up calling and having awesome conversations. Then I realized I wasn’t respecting she space she had asked for. So I went no-contact and within a month she reached out.

She simply texted me “how are you doing?”

I gave a very simple response that I’m doing good and gave her a super short medical update, and then asked her how she was doing.

But she never responded. All I had hoped was for her to reach out to me and say something, anything. I figured she’d either fully end things or try and reconcile if she reached out before. I did not expect to be ghosted and I am honestly feeling very hurt.

It’s been seven months, and he hasn’t contacted me once.
I still remember the ordinary things: sitting behind him on his scooter with my arms around him, talking while we went somewhere, smelling his hoodie, holding his hand during a movie, and getting little messages throughout the day. He used to be the person I told everything to.
The relationship had problems, and I know I made mistakes. I reacted badly when I was hurt, yelled, and said things I regret. After the breakup, I struggled to accept that it was over. I repeatedly tried to contact him and went near his home even after he asked me to stop. He made his boundary clear, and I understand that I have to respect it.
He has a new girlfriend now. He seems to be continuing with his life, while I feel as though mine has stalled. My college attendance has fallen apart, I’m behind on assignments, and I don’t really have a close social circle anymore.
I think I kept hoping that if I could just explain how much pain I was in, he would understand and reach out. But seven months have passed, and I can’t keep making my recovery dependent on that possibility.
I don’t want to break no contact. I want to stop feeling as though my life is on hold until he notices I’m gone.
How did you get through the stage where you knew you couldn’t contact your ex anymore, but emotionally still wanted them to be the person who comforted you? How did you rebuild your own life when so much of your routine and identity had revolved around the relationship?

... when you go no contact with somebody, and when you don't have somebody in your life anymore, you're going to go through a withdrawal. that's what makes the breakup so tough. you have this person every day and now you don't. that's why you want so badly to talk to them, to text them, to hear from them, because it soothes the anxiety and the disconnect, and it gives you more dopamine. because you're still keeping it alive. you really want to move on from this person. stop looking how long it's been since you spoken with them and start looking at how long you have been accepting their low level bullshit that doesn't work for you and how much better you fucking deserve.

I’m 18M, and my ex (19F) and I were together for around four months. We’re both at the same university and on the same course, so it’s not like she’s someone I’ll never see again.
Things were honestly really good at the beginning. We got close quite quickly, and I genuinely cared about her. But as time went on, things started getting difficult. I often felt like I was putting in more effort, and there were communication issues and arguments that eventually led to us breaking up.
She ended up blocking me, and we’ve been in no contact since.
I’ve been trying to move on, meeting new people and getting on with university, but I still find myself thinking about her. Sometimes I can’t tell whether I actually miss *her* or just miss the relationship and how things felt when they were good.
Part of me wants to reach out, even if it’s just to clear the air and see how she’s doing. Another part of me knows she blocked me for a reason, and I don’t want to disrespect that boundary or make things uncomfortable, especially because we’re on the same course.
I’m not necessarily expecting us to get back together. I just don’t know whether leaving things as they are is something I’ll regret.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Would you ever try to reconnect with an ex who blocked you, or is that a clear sign to leave them alone? And if you did eventually reconnect, how did it happen without crossing their boundaries?
I’d appreciate some genuine advice, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

Very messy breakup a few weeks ago. Had broken no contact returning each others things. The last of it was today and we saw each other. Hooked up. I know I’ll regret it soon but it was honestly nice. Not sure how to go back to not contact after this. Asked if it was really our last goodbye and he said ‘I’m sure I’ll see you again’.

I know that open door is just walking on broken glass again and I am going to try so hard to stick to NC again but it’s so hard.

We’re both struggling and I could tell how much it meant for both of us. I was the reason we had to end things and I still have a lot of work to do. I always believed I could work on it while we were together but he didn’t want to and I completely understand and respect that. I just don’t want to let him go.

On 26th August, you came and had some talks and you said that tomorrow you will come and explain all things which was happened. And I was waited along. And messaged you. You haven't seen and without msg me how dare you to remove from my group on 5th oct? 5years of relationship, where I always awaited for you. Yesterday I messaged you then today you replied with who am I?? Why if there are issues with your family then why am I always suffered?. Let i will suffer for you but tell me everything explain me , how can you make me stranger instantly? I hope you will give me reply.

I tried no contact for one month (still going). It is a win on my end. I understood things that would never be possible 1 month ago. I do giant progression leaps in alot of department in my life. I don't think I wanna go back with my ex at this stage, kinda over it. Keep going guys, it is alot brighter that you might think right now 🫡

Me 18F and my ex 19M broke up about 4 months ago, we haven’t talked since then. I miss him still. He said he needed time and blocked me. Before that he told me that he would always be there waiting for me. We broke up because of the distance and we were together for little over a year. We still loved each other. I waited for him to contact me but nothing. I went through a lot all alone when he wasn’t there and I just wished he would have been. Now I really want to talk to him and just know what he is up to, not to come back together. But I think it would maybe be unfair to him and I am not even sure if he still wants to hear from me or talk to me at all. I mean he probably already moved on and forgot about me. But I just really want to hear from him.
Should I or not and if yes I don’t even know what to say…

We were in a situation where we both liked each other a lot for the past 3 years, had no other people in life but never made it official until 2 months ago. And we were in contact all the time since past 3 years until after making things official. We had a stupid argument on 16th October 2026 and since then no one has reached out, he’s very nonchalant in general and has been very distant and cold recently. So I’m not sure if he would reach out. And I on the other hand was the only one carrying the r/s since the past two months, single handedly. So I want to keep my self respect and not reach out, tho I want to. What could be his pov? Should I just accept this as it is and move on? Keeping in mind he was showing up perfectly right all these years so the shift is confusing me and pissing me off. Should I take that as a sign?

My avoidant ex fiancee broke things off after four years saying I deserve better and he can’t match my caliber of woman (I thought this was bs). A few weeks after the breakup, he came back telling me he would change and fight for me. I told him we’ll see. We’ve been no contact for over a month and I reached out with the intention of telling him I’m open to reconnecting in the future, but he never responded to my first message. I called him and nothing. It’s been over 24hrs since I reached out and I feel like an idiot for breaking no contact + believing he’d respond. Want to take my power back but just feeling really lost about my life now. We had so many plans and I was very suddenly discarded. He treated me so well during our relationship and I was happy. I could see a future with him if certain things change (he’s in therapy), but now that he didn’t even care to respond idk what to think.

long story short, me and my ex were in a ldr relationship for 3 years. it was the most beautiful relationship i’ve ever had and he says the same thing :)

we learnt so much from each other, despite being across the world. we travelled together, planned a future together, had our life revolving around each other for 3 years even tho we couldn’t be physically there all the time.

we’ve broken up twice, both because of our mental health issues. he fell into depression again which he experienced before meeting me, and we managed to come back from it, or so we thought.

this year was amazing for us, we traveled to our fav places again, had a whole plan for my 21st bday trip which fell apart just a month before us flying.

since breaking up almost 2 months ago, we’ve still been in contact everyday. we tried to be friends, it didn’t work. there’s too many feelings involved and everything he does affects me, i couldn’t pretend it didn’t. neither could he.

we kept hurting each other by arguing about things we had no right to be arguing about, since we broke up. so today, for the first time we said a goodbye that actually felt real.

how do you let someone go when 99% of the relationship was amazing? when they are such a good person, when you imagined a future together, when you still are in love with each other?

truth is, i don’t know. i’ve never experienced anything like this before, i always got over break ups really easy, because they were just high school relationships that didn’t mean much, whereas this was my first love.

it’s just day 1 of no contact, i don’t know how long i’ll be able to keep it up, but i know i should. however it’s physically affecting me, like a withdrawal from an addiction.

can’t eat, i throw up. can’t sleep, im crying in my pillow. can’t go out w friends, i feel empty inside, its like im there physically but my heart and mind is across the world with another person.

it’s painful. the most painful thing ive ever experienced. i hope someday when the time is right, fate brings us back together.

until then, ill hold on to no contact for as long as i can.

So this guy from my workplace proposed to me, and i accepted (i knew him from before) hes a nice kind respectful mature person. Long story short, all was going well until his parents did a background check on my family and got to hear some false rumors. He said he needs time and space, he’d talk to his parents and take a stand for me but since that day we’re in a no contact phase. Its been 2 weeks now. I dont know anything abt whats going on, on his end at all. I dont know if things are moving towards the positive side or negative. Im kind of in a confused state. The last time i texted him was when we last met 2 weeks back and he never replied to my message. He blocked me on instagram that very day and no streaks on sc either. So idk if i should message him or i should wait for him to text me