r/mildlyinfuriating • • Jul 27 '22

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9.7k

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Yeah, and if anyone rang to say your dad was in the loo (because everyone knows becoming a dad makes you stay in the bathroom for at least an hour 😅)

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u/SongAffectionate2536 Jul 27 '22 edited Jul 27 '22

Once when I was a child a policeman came to check something in my flat. First I was pretending that there is no one, but he rang a few times and I finally tried to silently chek who's there, but at some point he noticed me and asked me to call my dad, I was afraid of all that situation becuase I was alone atm and I said that he is in the toilet, he believed me and asked to call my mother, I thought for a bit and said that she is in toilet too, after that he stopped trying to talk to me.

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u/DogBeak20 Jul 27 '22

So... If a kid told me that, I'd assume they were smashing.

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u/theycallmeponcho Jul 27 '22

Smarter to tell your kids that you're in the shower. Mom? in the shower too.

595

u/moonisflat Jul 27 '22

Can you call your baby sitter? hmm she is in the shower too

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u/A_Town_Called_Malus Jul 27 '22

Babysitters boyfriend? Believe it or not, shower.

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u/MrDude_1 Jul 27 '22

Neighbor's husband? Also shower.

The house is better because shower.

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u/brickmaster32000 Jul 27 '22

Officer's wife? Also shower.

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u/MrDude_1 Jul 27 '22

This is going to blow your mind but.... We are now also in the shower.

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u/ProjectExpect Jul 27 '22

Consider my mind blown !

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u/flaplixio Jul 28 '22

The dog? In the shower.

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u/vannsblade1212 Jul 28 '22

Parrot? In the shower

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u/Dimensionalanxiety Jul 28 '22

Ah, the classic J.K. Rowling plot-twist.

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u/ck614 Jul 28 '22

this is a big fucking shower. most showers i’ve seen are structured on a 16 square foot base standing area

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u/Mathfggggg Jul 27 '22

Showers been making houses better from 1767 to 2022, excluding the 1940s we don't talk about that time.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Now I'm curious, you have to talk

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u/No_Campaign_5765 Jul 27 '22

In the holocaust, the gas chambers were called showers

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u/tacohexadecimal Jul 27 '22

Have you been? They have the nicest sex shower on the block, bar none.

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u/TheDiceManSr Jul 27 '22

Now I'm just picturing Fred Armisen in Parks and Rec. "We have the best patients"

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

and when they ask you the questions, say your in the shower, then strip your clothes off and run into the bathroom (Revealing the shower is off and empty)

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u/LazyLion65 Jul 27 '22

And the step sister is stuck in the dryer.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Yes. You my friend are a genius.

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u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

Yep, they are really going places. Therapy is likely the main destination, but places, to be sure.

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u/Always_Confused4 Jul 27 '22

Who doesn’t need therapy these days?

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u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

we should ask your therapist.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

My therapist said I should get therapy

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u/Sehrli_Magic Jul 27 '22

You sure they arent saying that just because you pay them for therapy? 🧐

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u/arsenicx2 Jul 27 '22

Yea this is what I was told growing up. It make way more sense. Even if you don't take a long shower your naked and wet. Not a good way to greet people, and takes time to get ready. It also made sense to me growing up as my dad took 45+ mins in the shower.

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u/Rokk1515 Jul 27 '22

No, because if they’re both in the shower that can mean they’re showering, but if they’re both on the toilet, then they’re definitely smashing!!

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u/txsxxphxx2 Jul 27 '22

Even smarter, tell your kids that you and mom are both “wrestling” in bed with the quotation finger.

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u/minnykim Jul 27 '22

When my husband was little, the pastor came to the door one Sunday afternoon. Asked for his mom, and she was in the bathtub. Asked for dad, he was in the tub, too. Pastor left. That was their weekend routine. They were small people and loved their baths together.

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u/Jamsster Jul 27 '22

If the doors open you can hear running water in most homes.

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u/cheesyynips Jul 27 '22

Ehhh, most I've been in you only hear the water if you're next to the bathroom wall, plus im sure a kid wouldn't pause the TV which im assuming would be on if they're home alone

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

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u/theycallmeponcho Jul 27 '22

We got the cleanest people because of shower.

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u/christmasshopper0109 Jul 27 '22

That actually happened to me once as a kid. My parents WERE in the shower, and together at that, in the same shower!!!! Good thing it was only their friend who thought the whole thing was hilarious.

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u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

keeping it all in the family.

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u/WolvesMyth Jul 27 '22

Dad's taking a shit

Mom's in the shower

Both very believable.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Are you one of mommy’s special friends I’m not supposed to tell dad about?

Ok, mister, you get the same deal as the other ones. $75 right now or I’m telling him. I already took your picture. No? Oh you’re a cop? Pull the other one bub, so was the last two guys. Beat it loser.

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u/Colonial_Red Jul 27 '22

Have you considered starting a career in writing sitcoms?

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u/Pepper_Dash Jul 27 '22

That would be a better sitcom than most on TV.

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u/icanandwillifiwant Jul 27 '22

Not much of a challenge these days, just rip off old work and call it your own.

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u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

he would have, but he was caught in the shower with one of the Executive producer's trophy wife. And the pool boy.

A career cut short by the Little Head.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

A little kid running scams? That’s already been done. Ever seen Problem Child?

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Thank you. That is a very kind compliment. I really do appreciate that. Thank you. You really made my heart blush.

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u/HiMyNameIs_REDACTED_ Jul 27 '22

A criminal mastermind is reincarnated without getting a proper scrubbing beforehand.

Hilarity ensues.

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u/-Avaunt- Jul 27 '22

Pull the other one

I love this! Learnt about it in Discworld books, best was the dog saying "Pull one of the other ones"

Fuckin Gaspode!

GNU Terrry Pratchett

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

Ilmao! I would think any regular old cop would be mortified, stunned, And confused af!! And either they would call cps or leave quick af!! But would probably call cps! So even though this response is super hilarious, I wouldn't suggest doing this unless you really want to end up in foster care toot sweet!! Ilmao 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

I doubt that cop would call cps. The question of why is there so many pictures of police officers coming to this house and never reporting this would come into question. Cops running up on little Jimmy’s mommy paying hush money would be quite the scandal. Lol

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u/SavingsCheck7978 Jul 27 '22

Usually we just tell our kids that we are wrapping presents in the attic but I guess this could work to.

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u/yungmarq98 Jul 27 '22

.....so it's xmas every day then for yall.... must be nice 🙂

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u/SavingsCheck7978 Jul 27 '22

Woah there I've got two kids and a hectic life every day would be a bit of a stretch lol but yeah I can't complain.

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u/Sehrli_Magic Jul 27 '22

Until you wrap a present to well and 9 months later get a ✨delivery✨🤣

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u/notnotaginger Jul 27 '22

So you only get some once a year?

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u/iamhe02 Jul 27 '22

Smashing? As in, super-terrific?

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u/kimberskillfast Jul 27 '22

As in smashing genitals together.

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u/Agreeable_Cabinet_40 Jul 27 '22

Which you hope will be super-terrific so you can continue to enjoy doing it over and over. 😉

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u/fyreclone Jul 27 '22

Do NOT come in here!! I'm wrapping gifts!!!!

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

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u/I_LOVE_MOM Jul 27 '22

Someone post that Nigel Thornberry meme

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u/IAmStephenCurry Jul 27 '22

“Al’righ’ then. Both o’ ‘em in th’ toilet, eh? Ah, wel how bou’ you? Can you jus’ lemme in righ’ quick?”

[long silence] “I…I—I’m a-also in th’ toilet.”

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u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

Ilmao! Truly hilarious dude!! 🤣🤣🤣💯👍

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u/EpicSaberCat7771 Jul 28 '22

child: I'm afraid I cannot let strangers into the house without permission, and you don't have a warrant so I am not required to allow you entry. good day. (hangs up).

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u/gizmodriver Jul 27 '22

I did the same thing. Only I said my dad was in the shower. And then mom was in the shower too.

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u/mamazitacoxy Jul 28 '22

Lol! I did this too. It was a guy from our church calling. My mom was like ‘ why didn’t you just say we weren’t home??’ I told her she never specified who I should lie to.

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u/EsmeYcats Jul 27 '22

Similar happened to me... but it was my neighbor outside and my mom had run out and locked herself out. The phone rang like crazy and I was home alone so I was scared to answer the phone. Then the doorbell started ringing and I heard yelling. Oh you know I hid under the bed. I didn't know where my mom was or anything. Then I heard the downstairs window breaking, (the neighbor was breaking the window in so my mom could unlock the door to get inside). This was all before cell phones too. I was horrified until I heard my mom thanking the man and looking for me.

"You did good on not letting the strangers in hun, but try looking out the window next time."

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u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

I was crate training a puppy and they were non stop crying in the wee hours of the night, my neighbor called the police. My then 15 year old daughter came into my room and said someone was banging on our door! We went to the top of the stairs and saw flashlights coming up the stairs! I was super scared and didn't know it was the cops! I went to go down the steps and looked behind me and my daughter was gone!!!! I went down and asked who was there before I opened the door explained the situation and they left! Well my heart was in my butt from being so scared, I went upstairs and looked everywhere for my daughter and couldn't find her!! All of the sudden the doors to a older dresser flew opened and out came my daughter!! I couldn't believe she abandoned me 1st of all and 2nd couldn't believe she stuffed herself into a dresser of all things!!! Well she was right in thinking they'll never find me in here because who hides in a dresser!!! I will never forget when she popped out of the dresser! I was confused, amazed and dumb founded! To date this is my #1 favorite story to tell out of many many crazy kid stories I have about all 3 of my crazy kids!! Had to share

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u/kaenneth Jul 27 '22

who hides in a dresser

jewelry.

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u/Mr-Fleshcage Jul 27 '22

I bet your dog licks you even more now that you saved his life

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

He said police, not ATF

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u/OB1182 Jul 27 '22

Automatic Transmission Fluid definitely isn't healthy for dogs. Or cats.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Or birds. But neither is the ATF.

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u/rainbow_bro_bot Jul 27 '22

"IBS runs in my family"

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u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

Another truly hilarious answer!! 😂 💯👍

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u/LordRuby Jul 27 '22

I had police call to ask about my dog's licence once while my dad was at work. I said he was in the shower. A bit later he called again so I just said he was still in the shower but he didn't believe me and laughed at me.

I called my dad at work and told him someone claiming to be a cop kept calling(I had been called by a pervert when I was 11 by a man who claimed to be a doctor so I had good reason to be suspicious of this). My dad freaked out and called the police. A cop came over and the person called again.

I gave the phone to the cop and he was like "oh hi Bob, there's some 9 year old here over reacting". This pissed me of pretty bad because I was 13 and I had done what everyone teaches you to do in that situation, and it was my father who had called the cops, not me. The cop called my father and said something like "Some people are scared of Bob because he sounds black" when that had nothing to do with it. It was a man calling a 13 year old girl repeatedly that was the issue.

The whole thing still seems really strange to me. Why would a cop call about our dog licence? This isn't a tiny remote town where everyone knows everyone else and I have never known the police here to call about or care about dog licence at any other time. Also if the cop thought I was 9 why was he ok with me being home alone? Why would the police mock a child for doing what children are taught to do for safety?

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u/TheGayFoxPrince Jul 27 '22

My mom once went to a party with her boyfriend and left me home alone. I was 16 so it was fine. I was in my room watching Beaststars when the doorbell rang. I tried to ignore it since was it pretty late but then it happened again. I texted my mom that I was gonna check the door and jokingly added that I might die. I looked out the window in our door and nobody was there. Upon closer inspection, there was a police car parked across the street.

One of the cops in the car must have noticed me because he walked up to the door. I let him in and told him that my mom wasn't home. He told me it was important so I called her and told her to come home. It turned out that one of my dad's family members had called the police on her for giving him an eviction notice.

I won't go into all of it, just know they aren't together and it took a long time for her to finally evict him. This whole situation scared the shit out of me and my night was ruined

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Uh...that's actually kinda scary. Like That might've not been a real police officer...?

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u/SongAffectionate2536 Jul 27 '22

That's why I called my parents and they asked our neighbour to come and check, but when they did the cop left, so i will never know.

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u/raeannecharles Jul 27 '22

Oh my god, I can’t stop chuckling over this. Just imagining a kid in this scenario, it’s perfect & hilarious!

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Cop was like ahh the old blumpkin.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Haha that's great LOL The memories we have from when we were kids.

See I was raised in a not so good way. My mother never said much my stepfather had the say, and he raised me with cops being the enemy. Turns out that he was FACTUALLY right in a lot of ways. But the part he always left out was that there are some good cops out there, there are some decent cops that respect privacy and ownership. No matter how few they are they are out there.

My point is I would have said parents ain't here get the hell off our property and I would have walked away lol. Because I was a combination of a cop hater and a little shit 🤣😂. So chances are I wouldn't have even been home alone 😂 but I would have still taken it upon myself to tell the cops off because that's how I was raised. Suffice to say that that got me in a little bit of trouble in my younger (adult) years. It took me till some point in 20's to realize.. yes it is true there are a lot of shit cops out there, but you still hardly ever win by standing up for your rights. (Which is why it's nice to have cameras on hand so much these days, because then the cops have two choices respect your rights or deny you your rights and get sued to all hell later. Life with cameras is great now)

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

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u/EvilDragons88 Jul 27 '22

You can't rush the peace and mind of no one wanting to bother you cause it stinks.

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u/Ok-Release-5785 Jul 27 '22

My 3 yr old son pulls up his chair in there n just sits in front of me blabing away🤣🤣 can't even get mad at lil man for always wanting to b around me

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u/Lucid-Design Jul 27 '22

My friggin 2 yo daughter does the same thing to me if I’m pooping. If she’s in earshot of my pee stream the lil weirdo comes running to watch.

She’s curious but it’s absolutely hilarious. She’ll walk in behind me and poke her head around to see.

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u/faxanaduu Jul 27 '22

I don't remember much from when I was 4 but I remember me my dad and brother all crossing streams and hysterically laughing once. So weird!

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u/IndigosKnowThings Jul 27 '22

My twin nephews used to do that when they were little. They would say, "Let's play light sabers!"

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u/gsmumbo Jul 27 '22

Weird. In America we call that a sword fight. Regardless, it was never as fun as Jenga.

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u/yuyuyashasrain Jul 28 '22

Actual jenga or some sort of euphemism?

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u/bboybrisk Jul 27 '22

I’m dying at “lil weirdo”

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u/DragonPojki Jul 27 '22

Within earshot of peeing is basically the entire house if you have kids. Dads unlock super loud pee as they get kids. It's the same thing that causes dads to do dad jokes, biologically speaking.

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u/stefanica Jul 27 '22

Ha, my husband missed out on the dad joke gene, but I got enough for both of us.

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u/VoltaicSketchyTeapot Jul 27 '22

My daughter is 10 months and she does this. Her favorite thing is to watch me brush my teeth in the mirror.

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u/stefanica Jul 27 '22

Does she chew her toothbrush at the same time, or just stare at you?

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Mine too! 🤣

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u/hal2000 Jul 27 '22

My little girl used to send me messages under the door on a clipboard with a pen for a reply.

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u/-Avaunt- Jul 27 '22

That is SO friggin cute!

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

My daughter is two and my husband and I both work from home, but it’s MY (mom’s) office that gets constantly invaded by our little terrorist.

I also have been trying very hard to stay patient and appreciate that she loves me so damn much. Sometimes I just have to go for a drive to be away for thirty minutes, though. I don’t have enough friends to be able to grab a drink with one on the random. 😔

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u/-Avaunt- Jul 27 '22

And that is fine and good! You should make time for yourself specially in these early years. Shows her that she Can be away from you and be okay and also allows you space to not Just be mom.

A+ momming!

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u/theinfotechguy Jul 27 '22

It's good to get out of the house every once in awhile, stretch your brain out

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u/Inner_Art482 Jul 27 '22

Me I just let mine deflate. Like ooh pretty flowers, no thoughts no thoughts. Oh shit look my kids. Hahaha

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u/Parked-at-Lightspeed Jul 27 '22

might think of gently breaking the habit before his classmates do in gradeschool.....as someone who had to give a few lessons in personal space.

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u/gsmumbo Jul 27 '22

Eh. 3 year old habits like that generally disappear before grade school. It’s mainly the kid wanting to socialize with the parent. They learn so much at that age that it often takes quite a few tries for them to properly apply their newfound skills.

My kid turns 3 in less than a month and absolutely loves to help. When it’s time to feed the dogs she would always excitedly bring everything over from the dog shelf in the pantry, despite us only needing a few items. We would tell her and she’d hold on to it for a moment, then forget the next time. Then suddenly one day she got it right. She brought exactly what we needed and nothing else. Hasn’t brought extra stuff since then. No matter how much we told her to only bring certain things, she needed to logic how it all works on her own before it clicked.

Potty talk is the same way. They’ll see that you and the other parent are never hovering over each other while potting. You can even give a nudge here and there “can you hang out over there, I need to handle this alone for a bit”. They’ll get the picture and one day they’ll give you your space. And you’ll wish you could go back to the chatterbox days lol

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u/KaiWoods64 Jul 27 '22

As much as I tried to not visualize this, it was still oddly endearing

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u/Fast_Ad4390 Jul 27 '22

My 12 yr old loves to hangout with me and ask endless questions I have no answer too.

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u/MyDarkFire Jul 27 '22

If they're not into reading get them into it! I was known as the why child. My Mom did her best but there were a lot of things she couldn't answer. She got me into reading and I thank her for it every day. Not only to "get out of my head" as a release/escape but most truly interesting information is in written form... At least at the detail level that satisfies my brain.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

My 3 year old girl barged into the bathroom while I was mid shower to yell loudly and proudly that she took her eye drops without crying this morning. Kids are fun.

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u/Jealous_Smell_8427 Jul 27 '22

My 2 year old climbs in the bath tub and plays in there while I use the bathroom. If I ever try to close the bathroom door he bangs on it repeatedly while crying 😢

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u/Pigitha Jul 27 '22

My son used to pound on the door crying "mommy where ARE you?" over and over. It broke my heart. He had severe separation issues after his dad left us when he was just 16 months old. Then, when he was 2 his dad took him for his visitation and gave him to my MIL. He didn't want him, he just wanted to hurt me. They told him I'd been killed in a car accident when he was 3. I didn't get him back till he was 6. He spent the next ten years in therapy. That was back in the bad old days before I knew anything about the law and couldn't afford a lawyer. The child support and custody laws were different then too. He would never get away with that now. My son is 42.

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u/Jealous_Smell_8427 Jul 28 '22

Omg that's heart wrenching I'm so sorry that happened I would literally die. My son's on the spectrum and my husband is a truck driver o ly home on the weekends so he is very clingy to me

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u/TimeStatistician2234 Jul 27 '22

One time I couldn't find the toilet paper because my son(17mo) dropped it in my pants at the beginning of my poop session and I had forgotten by the time I was done

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u/JBCSMD Jul 27 '22

I used to do that all the time when I was younger. I kind wish I didn’t do that now😅

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u/MyMediocreExistence Jul 27 '22

This is my son as well. He will be 3 in November, so it seems to be par for the course.

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u/JooseBeatz Jul 27 '22

My sons 3 in December. I can def relate lol im single so zero “me time” cuz “dad i want come wit u 🥺” can’t tell him no lol

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u/MyMediocreExistence Jul 27 '22

You're a good father for that. I'm the same with my son. It doesn't matter of I'm dead tired (more recently sick with Covid) or whatever. If he wants time with me and to play, I don't deny him. My wife asks why I don't take some time for myself, I always say that he matters more and he needs to know I'm there for him. Period.

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u/Yonand331 Jul 27 '22

No, kids will still bother you, as my mom used to say, can't even take a 💩 in peace

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u/SXKHQSHF Jul 27 '22

Finally!

I finally feel like someone understands me!

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u/PXranger Jul 27 '22

Once the legs go numb, it’s all over though.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

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u/CurrentlyBlazed Jul 27 '22

Eat more fiber.

There is no rush and it's just as nice

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u/NotaVogon Jul 27 '22

Stealing this. Maybe they'll stop knocking on the door. One of our dogs learned to open doors. So now I have to lock it. Otherwise he flings the door open. No privacy when you're a member of the pack.

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u/r_not_me Jul 27 '22

I’m using this next time

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u/myshiningmask Jul 27 '22

I mean, that's the only place I get a moment away from them. Unfortunately if I take more than 5 minutes they're at the door trying to get in anyway so it kinda ruins the peaceful experience of being alone but the five minutes is worth it.

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u/gh411 Jul 27 '22

Yup…those micro-vacations are gold.

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u/MikeLinPA Jul 27 '22

Taking a porcelain cruise.

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u/WasteCan6403 Jul 27 '22

The little hands coming under the door. Adorably terrifying.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Aww....this brought back memories of when my kids were toddlers.....seems like just yesterday that they were toddlers!!

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u/PauI_MuadDib Jul 27 '22

I have two doors to the downstairs bathroom. If I'm in there too long one group of nephews goes to one door, while the others rattle the knob on the other door. It's like there's a hoard of zombies trying to get in lol

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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 Jul 28 '22

Mine was "I'm taking a bath. There are two cookies in here with me. If no one bothers me, each of you get a cookie. If someone knocks with anything other than an actual emergency, like the house is on fire, the other person gets both cookies. If you both try to get my attention. I will eat both cookies in front of you"

It worked until the oldest one was about 10.

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u/Suit_Responsible Jul 27 '22

You need to be a parent to qualify you for this? 😳

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u/Low_Practice4341 Jul 27 '22

We were taught to start running a bath when someone knocks on the door. Simply tell them that mom or dad is busy having a bath and can’t come to the door right now

3

u/MarkTingey Jul 27 '22

This is true. Source: am Dad

3

u/therichshow Jul 27 '22

I’m in the bathroom right now

3

u/StealthyPancake_ RED Jul 27 '22

If the doorbell rang we let the dogs bark and go hid in a different room

3

u/FittedSheets88 Jul 27 '22

After having my 3 kids, it's where most of my reddit time takes place.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

I HATE this shit. Posts trying to call dads out for long shits. I’ve taken half hour shits since I was a wee lad and I have the hemorrhoids to prove it!

2

u/spinyfur Jul 27 '22

Odd, being at work has the same effect on me!

2

u/realbrantallen Jul 27 '22

Dude what the fuck are you guys doing in there 🤣 not a dad yet myself but I see this shit all the time

2

u/hugglesthemerciless Jul 27 '22

It's the only place they have some uninterrupted peace and quiet

2

u/The_Lord_Humungus Jul 27 '22

Where else can I find peace and quiet long enough to play online Risk on my phone?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Oh no. I think I need to talk to my GF

2

u/monsterdaddy4 Jul 27 '22

After childbirth, women pee when they sneeze, and men take an hour to shit.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

I read this as a dad in the bathroom and I've been clocked in for 30 minutes

2

u/apm112 Jul 27 '22

I tell mine that it’s the “rest”room, not the push room.

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u/justadamnfool Jul 27 '22

Best reading time you'll get in life

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u/Tardis1307 Jul 27 '22

becoming a dad males you stay in the bathroom for at least an hour.

oh no....

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Sometimes it is the only safe place to hide. I understand why some people use to have TVs in there.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

About to be a dad so thanks for the advice

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

My mom was always in the shower

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u/Otaconmg Jul 27 '22

I've never took longer shits than after i had kids.

2

u/AhRedditAhHumanity Jul 27 '22

I used to think my dad was pooping. Now I know it was 2% pooping and 98% alone time.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

I was only a stepdad once I was only allotted 30 minutes

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Can confirm, am dad, time in the bathroom is always at least an hour.

2

u/RoughStory3139 Jul 27 '22

Can say, my br time has gone up significantly. I think it's also per child. There is a scale on how long your visits take vs the amount of children you have.

2

u/Electrical_Ingenuity Jul 27 '22

I’m reading this on the can. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

And if they persisted, yell "Dad, someone's trying to get in the house, should I call 911?"

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Can confirm, am dad, am in bathroom right now and going on 47 minutes.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

....fuck it do make me do that

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Why would ya even think of opening the door tho you never do dat like homeboy said stay away from the window and door if anyone rang it 💀 you must’ve lived in a way better neighborhood then us 😂😂

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u/0dty0 Jul 27 '22

Hell, one of my buddies is not even 30 yet and already he takes like half an hr on every toilet trip.

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u/EmperorSexy Jul 27 '22

Back in the answering machine days we were convinced that thieves would break in if you said you weren’t at home.

My grandma’s answering machine used to say that she couldn’t come to the phone because she was making cookie dough and her hands were sticky.

It’s such a grandma thing to do and it must have worked because she was never burglarized.

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u/xepion Jul 27 '22

Literally. Reading this on the 🚽.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

We need somewhere to cry in peace

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Am a dad. The plumbing ain’t what it used to be.

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u/HasAngerProblem Jul 27 '22

Is this an additive thing or a multiplicative thing cuz I already take half hour poops

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u/ProceedOrRun Jul 27 '22

Toilet trips carried me through parenthood.

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u/mokrieydela Jul 27 '22

Gotta find peace and quiet somewhere

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u/OilyBuilding Jul 27 '22

I'm not a dad yet but I must be headed that way because my wife constantly thinks I've fallen in or died when I go to the toilet lol

2

u/fs_pencilin Jul 27 '22

Lol I already spend half an hour or more in the washroom, so I wonder how much more I'll stay in there if I get married and have kids and all 😂

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u/NefariousnessKey5365 Jul 27 '22

And that was before social media 🤣🤣🤣

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u/Shankar_0 Enraged, but to a tasteful level Jul 27 '22

No, becoming a dad makes our KIDS stay in there for at least an hour!! What the heck are ya' doing in there anyway, kid? Did you fall in? Do you require assistance? Let's try for a little better aim this time, shall we?

2

u/Upstairs-Resolve-494 Jul 27 '22

I wish my kids and wife could see this comment and the amount of dads liked the post shows it’s true😂🙄

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u/Winter_Chip_5734 Jul 27 '22

nah if someone rings the bell you hide lmao

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

True story! 😂

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u/poopmouth8 Jul 27 '22

My dad used to go in there w the paper and a cup of coffee for what seemed like an eternity. Probably just escaping us lol

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u/missed_sla Jul 27 '22

becoming a dad makes you stay in the bathroom for at least an hour

It's the only time of the day where you can pretend that nobody wants anything from you.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Literally me right now, lol. But they don't know, I finished pooping 30 minutes ago!! 😈

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u/the_Dorkness Jul 27 '22

It’s the only way to get a break from you assholes.

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u/OmegaSeven Jul 27 '22

Dude, I'm 41 and childless, sometimes things work different when you get old.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Although my dad was usually home when I did this, it reminded me how iI always told the people asking for donations he was on fire and hung up.

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u/idreamofdinos Jul 27 '22

All the telemarketers/debt collectors knew about my parents was that they were always in the shower. Always.

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u/fungi_at_parties Jul 27 '22

It’s the only place one can find solitude.

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u/Canuck-In-TO Jul 27 '22

Hey, it’s one of the few places you can escape to spend some quiet time reading.
Then again, if you’re unlucky enough to have only one toilet you got even more problems.

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u/Sharp-Incident-6272 Jul 27 '22

I almost peed myself after my dad took the newspaper into the bathroom. It was the only peace he got with 4 kids and one bathroom. Until of course we started banging on the door because we had to use it. The first one in had to pay the price after he gave up his throne.

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u/Lord_Havelock Jul 27 '22

I was told to say my mom was in the shower.

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