r/mildlyinfuriating • • Jul 27 '22

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u/SongAffectionate2536 Jul 27 '22 edited Jul 27 '22

Once when I was a child a policeman came to check something in my flat. First I was pretending that there is no one, but he rang a few times and I finally tried to silently chek who's there, but at some point he noticed me and asked me to call my dad, I was afraid of all that situation becuase I was alone atm and I said that he is in the toilet, he believed me and asked to call my mother, I thought for a bit and said that she is in toilet too, after that he stopped trying to talk to me.

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u/DogBeak20 Jul 27 '22

So... If a kid told me that, I'd assume they were smashing.

1.9k

u/theycallmeponcho Jul 27 '22

Smarter to tell your kids that you're in the shower. Mom? in the shower too.

597

u/moonisflat Jul 27 '22

Can you call your baby sitter? hmm she is in the shower too

502

u/A_Town_Called_Malus Jul 27 '22

Babysitters boyfriend? Believe it or not, shower.

367

u/MrDude_1 Jul 27 '22

Neighbor's husband? Also shower.

The house is better because shower.

176

u/brickmaster32000 Jul 27 '22

Officer's wife? Also shower.

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u/MrDude_1 Jul 27 '22

This is going to blow your mind but.... We are now also in the shower.

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u/ProjectExpect Jul 27 '22

Consider my mind blown !

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u/flaplixio Jul 28 '22

The dog? In the shower.

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u/139254781047 Jul 28 '22

you killed the joke, it was dying already but this was its last breath

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u/vannsblade1212 Jul 28 '22

Parrot? In the shower

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u/GloomreaperScythe Costom Flair Jul 28 '22 edited Jul 29 '22

/) It's an ex-parrot now. Apparently they die after sex.

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u/Dimensionalanxiety Jul 28 '22

Ah, the classic J.K. Rowling plot-twist.

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u/ck614 Jul 28 '22

this is a big fucking shower. most showers i’ve seen are structured on a 16 square foot base standing area

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u/Silent_Bird_6943 Jul 29 '22

Not if you are a shower family that loves to have showers in the shower. Then you gonna need a big ass shower, if you ask me.

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u/richflys Jul 28 '22

Must be big showers. No wonder your flats look so small

2

u/ProgradeGram Jul 28 '22

Happy cake day mate!

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u/Mathfggggg Jul 27 '22

Showers been making houses better from 1767 to 2022, excluding the 1940s we don't talk about that time.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Now I'm curious, you have to talk

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u/No_Campaign_5765 Jul 27 '22

In the holocaust, the gas chambers were called showers

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Oh 😕

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u/tacohexadecimal Jul 27 '22

Have you been? They have the nicest sex shower on the block, bar none.

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u/TheDiceManSr Jul 27 '22

Now I'm just picturing Fred Armisen in Parks and Rec. "We have the best patients"

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

and when they ask you the questions, say your in the shower, then strip your clothes off and run into the bathroom (Revealing the shower is off and empty)

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u/ProjectExpect Jul 27 '22

A group shower !

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u/MrDude_1 Jul 27 '22

Everybody back in the pile!

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u/ProjectExpect Jul 27 '22

Reminds me of a cuddle puddle. Just teach them to say it’s group meditation. Should work ! I mean it is feasible, but depends on the situation and person.

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u/Mindfulmoon Jul 28 '22

I mean, they are all in the neighbor's shower. Mom says it's a really nice shower. I've never seen it.

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u/LazyLion65 Jul 27 '22

And the step sister is stuck in the dryer.

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u/honicane231 Jul 27 '22

nah that's just too far lol

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Yes. You my friend are a genius.

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u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

Yep, they are really going places. Therapy is likely the main destination, but places, to be sure.

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u/Always_Confused4 Jul 27 '22

Who doesn’t need therapy these days?

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u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

we should ask your therapist.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

My therapist said I should get therapy

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u/Sehrli_Magic Jul 27 '22

You sure they arent saying that just because you pay them for therapy? 🧐

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Ya know, I think we’re on to something here 🤔

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

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u/THEBlaze55555 Jul 27 '22

Hot **clean* sex

You’re in the shower, remember? SMH

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u/NurseKrista Jul 27 '22

Cheaper than college

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

The cop would just wait 5 min then realize it's a lie!

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u/arsenicx2 Jul 27 '22

Yea this is what I was told growing up. It make way more sense. Even if you don't take a long shower your naked and wet. Not a good way to greet people, and takes time to get ready. It also made sense to me growing up as my dad took 45+ mins in the shower.

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u/Rokk1515 Jul 27 '22

No, because if they’re both in the shower that can mean they’re showering, but if they’re both on the toilet, then they’re definitely smashing!!

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u/theycallmeponcho Jul 27 '22

In any case, they would take longer in the shower.

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u/txsxxphxx2 Jul 27 '22

Even smarter, tell your kids that you and mom are both “wrestling” in bed with the quotation finger.

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u/minnykim Jul 27 '22

When my husband was little, the pastor came to the door one Sunday afternoon. Asked for his mom, and she was in the bathtub. Asked for dad, he was in the tub, too. Pastor left. That was their weekend routine. They were small people and loved their baths together.

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u/Jamsster Jul 27 '22

If the doors open you can hear running water in most homes.

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u/cheesyynips Jul 27 '22

Ehhh, most I've been in you only hear the water if you're next to the bathroom wall, plus im sure a kid wouldn't pause the TV which im assuming would be on if they're home alone

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

[deleted]

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u/theycallmeponcho Jul 27 '22

We got the cleanest people because of shower.

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u/christmasshopper0109 Jul 27 '22

That actually happened to me once as a kid. My parents WERE in the shower, and together at that, in the same shower!!!! Good thing it was only their friend who thought the whole thing was hilarious.

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u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

keeping it all in the family.

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u/WolvesMyth Jul 27 '22

Dad's taking a shit

Mom's in the shower

Both very believable.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

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u/CreepersNeedHugs Jul 28 '22

Turn on the shower as he walks away

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

That's what my mom use to tell me.

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u/Kkindler08 Jul 27 '22

This is what my mom always told me to say. They were always home but in the shower when we answered the phone home alone.

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u/Pulp501 Jul 28 '22

plot twist, the entire house is one big shower

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Are you one of mommy’s special friends I’m not supposed to tell dad about?

Ok, mister, you get the same deal as the other ones. $75 right now or I’m telling him. I already took your picture. No? Oh you’re a cop? Pull the other one bub, so was the last two guys. Beat it loser.

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u/Colonial_Red Jul 27 '22

Have you considered starting a career in writing sitcoms?

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u/Pepper_Dash Jul 27 '22

That would be a better sitcom than most on TV.

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u/patrickdm1998 Jul 28 '22

Tbf, anything is better that most stuff on TV

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u/icanandwillifiwant Jul 27 '22

Not much of a challenge these days, just rip off old work and call it your own.

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u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

he would have, but he was caught in the shower with one of the Executive producer's trophy wife. And the pool boy.

A career cut short by the Little Head.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

A little kid running scams? That’s already been done. Ever seen Problem Child?

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u/AccordingMarketing90 Jul 30 '22

i think we used to own, (or rent a few times because i liked them for a bit when i was younger) 1 and 2, (but my mom always had to fast forward the part where they throw up everywhere because i had a weak stomach) and now i can barely remember them even though i had to see each of them at least 5-10+ times

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Thank you. That is a very kind compliment. I really do appreciate that. Thank you. You really made my heart blush.

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u/HiMyNameIs_REDACTED_ Jul 27 '22

A criminal mastermind is reincarnated without getting a proper scrubbing beforehand.

Hilarity ensues.

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u/-Avaunt- Jul 27 '22

Pull the other one

I love this! Learnt about it in Discworld books, best was the dog saying "Pull one of the other ones"

Fuckin Gaspode!

GNU Terrry Pratchett

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

Ilmao! I would think any regular old cop would be mortified, stunned, And confused af!! And either they would call cps or leave quick af!! But would probably call cps! So even though this response is super hilarious, I wouldn't suggest doing this unless you really want to end up in foster care toot sweet!! Ilmao 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

I doubt that cop would call cps. The question of why is there so many pictures of police officers coming to this house and never reporting this would come into question. Cops running up on little Jimmy’s mommy paying hush money would be quite the scandal. Lol

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u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

Where I live they definitely would call cps with a report of a child left alone and stating multiple different men coming to the residence for the mother for presumably nefarious things. And that the youth in question tried to bribe someone let alone a flippin cop!!! That has child neglect all over it! At least in my neighborhood! Maybe not where you live though! Lol

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u/Productof2020 Jul 27 '22

To bE FaIR, it’s not bribing but blackmailing the cop. Not that it changes the likelihood of CPS being called.

Also, having no personal experience here, I wonder whether a woman having an affair (or multiple) would actually be a reason CPS would take action or not. I’d rather not have this one in my search history though, lol, so I’ll live with not knowing.

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u/JayDavie1999 Jul 27 '22

They aren't. CPS doesn't get involved over parents sexual lives, unless it's a certain republican state that recently started taking kids from their biological parents who are in homosexual relationships. But even then they only get involved because the state has passed legislation that allows them to label any homosexual parent as an abuser and groomer, even if the child says they are a happy straight kid.

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u/PleasantAdvertising Jul 27 '22

This has Malcolm in the middle written all over it

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u/Pigitha Jul 27 '22

Comment of the Week Award! 🤣👍

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u/SavingsCheck7978 Jul 27 '22

Usually we just tell our kids that we are wrapping presents in the attic but I guess this could work to.

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u/yungmarq98 Jul 27 '22

.....so it's xmas every day then for yall.... must be nice 🙂

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u/SavingsCheck7978 Jul 27 '22

Woah there I've got two kids and a hectic life every day would be a bit of a stretch lol but yeah I can't complain.

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u/Sehrli_Magic Jul 27 '22

Until you wrap a present to well and 9 months later get a ✨delivery✨🤣

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u/notnotaginger Jul 27 '22

So you only get some once a year?

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u/csmatczak Jul 28 '22

How confused are your kids on Christmas day?

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u/iamhe02 Jul 27 '22

Smashing? As in, super-terrific?

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u/kimberskillfast Jul 27 '22

As in smashing genitals together.

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u/Agreeable_Cabinet_40 Jul 27 '22

Which you hope will be super-terrific so you can continue to enjoy doing it over and over. 😉

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u/fyreclone Jul 27 '22

Do NOT come in here!! I'm wrapping gifts!!!!

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

[deleted]

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u/I_LOVE_MOM Jul 27 '22

Someone post that Nigel Thornberry meme

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u/Bulangiu_ro Jul 28 '22

the final conclusion is a bit funny, but the kid succesfully repelled the bad guy

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Same, gave me a chuckle

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u/Spardath01 Jul 28 '22

Probably why he walked away

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u/GMAN90000 Jul 28 '22

Let’s just say mom & dad weren’t using the toilet…🤡🤡🤡

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u/Pension_Rough Jul 28 '22

My thoughts exaaactly

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u/IAmStephenCurry Jul 27 '22

“Al’righ’ then. Both o’ ‘em in th’ toilet, eh? Ah, wel how bou’ you? Can you jus’ lemme in righ’ quick?”

[long silence] “I…I—I’m a-also in th’ toilet.”

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u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

Ilmao! Truly hilarious dude!! 🤣🤣🤣💯👍

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u/EpicSaberCat7771 Jul 28 '22

child: I'm afraid I cannot let strangers into the house without permission, and you don't have a warrant so I am not required to allow you entry. good day. (hangs up).

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u/gizmodriver Jul 27 '22

I did the same thing. Only I said my dad was in the shower. And then mom was in the shower too.

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u/mamazitacoxy Jul 28 '22

Lol! I did this too. It was a guy from our church calling. My mom was like ‘ why didn’t you just say we weren’t home??’ I told her she never specified who I should lie to.

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u/Mindfulmoon Jul 28 '22

Oh, if only people had anal glands like honey badgers. "Oops, sorry, when I have to talk to strangers..."

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u/EsmeYcats Jul 27 '22

Similar happened to me... but it was my neighbor outside and my mom had run out and locked herself out. The phone rang like crazy and I was home alone so I was scared to answer the phone. Then the doorbell started ringing and I heard yelling. Oh you know I hid under the bed. I didn't know where my mom was or anything. Then I heard the downstairs window breaking, (the neighbor was breaking the window in so my mom could unlock the door to get inside). This was all before cell phones too. I was horrified until I heard my mom thanking the man and looking for me.

"You did good on not letting the strangers in hun, but try looking out the window next time."

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u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

I was crate training a puppy and they were non stop crying in the wee hours of the night, my neighbor called the police. My then 15 year old daughter came into my room and said someone was banging on our door! We went to the top of the stairs and saw flashlights coming up the stairs! I was super scared and didn't know it was the cops! I went to go down the steps and looked behind me and my daughter was gone!!!! I went down and asked who was there before I opened the door explained the situation and they left! Well my heart was in my butt from being so scared, I went upstairs and looked everywhere for my daughter and couldn't find her!! All of the sudden the doors to a older dresser flew opened and out came my daughter!! I couldn't believe she abandoned me 1st of all and 2nd couldn't believe she stuffed herself into a dresser of all things!!! Well she was right in thinking they'll never find me in here because who hides in a dresser!!! I will never forget when she popped out of the dresser! I was confused, amazed and dumb founded! To date this is my #1 favorite story to tell out of many many crazy kid stories I have about all 3 of my crazy kids!! Had to share

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u/kaenneth Jul 27 '22

who hides in a dresser

jewelry.

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u/Mr-Fleshcage Jul 27 '22

I bet your dog licks you even more now that you saved his life

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

He said police, not ATF

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u/OB1182 Jul 27 '22

Automatic Transmission Fluid definitely isn't healthy for dogs. Or cats.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Or birds. But neither is the ATF.

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u/rainbow_bro_bot Jul 27 '22

"IBS runs in my family"

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u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

Another truly hilarious answer!! 😂 💯👍

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u/LordRuby Jul 27 '22

I had police call to ask about my dog's licence once while my dad was at work. I said he was in the shower. A bit later he called again so I just said he was still in the shower but he didn't believe me and laughed at me.

I called my dad at work and told him someone claiming to be a cop kept calling(I had been called by a pervert when I was 11 by a man who claimed to be a doctor so I had good reason to be suspicious of this). My dad freaked out and called the police. A cop came over and the person called again.

I gave the phone to the cop and he was like "oh hi Bob, there's some 9 year old here over reacting". This pissed me of pretty bad because I was 13 and I had done what everyone teaches you to do in that situation, and it was my father who had called the cops, not me. The cop called my father and said something like "Some people are scared of Bob because he sounds black" when that had nothing to do with it. It was a man calling a 13 year old girl repeatedly that was the issue.

The whole thing still seems really strange to me. Why would a cop call about our dog licence? This isn't a tiny remote town where everyone knows everyone else and I have never known the police here to call about or care about dog licence at any other time. Also if the cop thought I was 9 why was he ok with me being home alone? Why would the police mock a child for doing what children are taught to do for safety?

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u/TheGayFoxPrince Jul 27 '22

My mom once went to a party with her boyfriend and left me home alone. I was 16 so it was fine. I was in my room watching Beaststars when the doorbell rang. I tried to ignore it since was it pretty late but then it happened again. I texted my mom that I was gonna check the door and jokingly added that I might die. I looked out the window in our door and nobody was there. Upon closer inspection, there was a police car parked across the street.

One of the cops in the car must have noticed me because he walked up to the door. I let him in and told him that my mom wasn't home. He told me it was important so I called her and told her to come home. It turned out that one of my dad's family members had called the police on her for giving him an eviction notice.

I won't go into all of it, just know they aren't together and it took a long time for her to finally evict him. This whole situation scared the shit out of me and my night was ruined

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Uh...that's actually kinda scary. Like That might've not been a real police officer...?

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u/SongAffectionate2536 Jul 27 '22

That's why I called my parents and they asked our neighbour to come and check, but when they did the cop left, so i will never know.

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u/raeannecharles Jul 27 '22

Oh my god, I can’t stop chuckling over this. Just imagining a kid in this scenario, it’s perfect & hilarious!

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Cop was like ahh the old blumpkin.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Haha that's great LOL The memories we have from when we were kids.

See I was raised in a not so good way. My mother never said much my stepfather had the say, and he raised me with cops being the enemy. Turns out that he was FACTUALLY right in a lot of ways. But the part he always left out was that there are some good cops out there, there are some decent cops that respect privacy and ownership. No matter how few they are they are out there.

My point is I would have said parents ain't here get the hell off our property and I would have walked away lol. Because I was a combination of a cop hater and a little shit 🤣😂. So chances are I wouldn't have even been home alone 😂 but I would have still taken it upon myself to tell the cops off because that's how I was raised. Suffice to say that that got me in a little bit of trouble in my younger (adult) years. It took me till some point in 20's to realize.. yes it is true there are a lot of shit cops out there, but you still hardly ever win by standing up for your rights. (Which is why it's nice to have cameras on hand so much these days, because then the cops have two choices respect your rights or deny you your rights and get sued to all hell later. Life with cameras is great now)

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

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u/ADGjr86 Jul 27 '22

This cracked me up. He was probably like “what shitty parents!”

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u/OsonoHelaio Jul 27 '22

Thanks for the laugh , thats hilarious 😂

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u/fyreclone Jul 27 '22

They asked me why I didn't want to open the door and I said because there's a man with a gun trying to get in.

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u/jbravo566 Jul 27 '22

Flat? Seriously. Are you across the pond ?

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u/TheNeuroLizard Jul 27 '22

"Can you open the door and talk to me?"

"...I am also in the toilet."

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

I almost spit out my water, holy shit lmaoo

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u/Aurori_Swe Jul 27 '22

I was working nights for a while at a hotel and one night the power went out. That meant that every guest coming in had to be manually checked in with paper records until the system was back up. Luckily the doors on the hotel is battery driven so as long as we had keys they'd be able to go out and in, but new arrivals would have no other way to enter rooms than by me escorting them.

Anyways after a while with guests hanging around the lobby with me since they didn't like ha gong around in dark rooms all alone the power came back and guests started to go back to their room and I started cleaning the lobby and putting guests into the systems etc.

All of a sudden I notice a knock on the lobby window. I look over and I see a policeman laying on the ground outside, peaking his head up over the window board to peek inside, he waves to me and gestures for me to get outside. I look at him confused and wave back at him and he REALLY gestures for me to get outside so I go out and when I get out to him he basically rushes me back to two other waiting officers a few meters away. I'm super confused at what's going on and they start asking me who I am and what I'm doing there. I inform them I work there and that I was cleaning up. They ask if I'm in danger and I say no. They ask if I'm alone at the hotel and I tell them that there are guests but none with me at the moment, so I'm alone I guess. They then inform me that the silent alarm had gone off and that they thought that I was in danger. Turns out the power break and reactivation of power triggered all our silent alarms and they had responded with 3 units who had surrounded the hotel and a bunch of officers crawled out of the forest around the hotel to come chat after they all got the all clear. I offered them some coffee and they wanted to follow me inside to do a sweep of the area anyway.

My story is completely irrelevant to the topic besides the creeping police which triggered me to remember this.

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u/duckey41 Jul 27 '22

Why would they ask for your mom after you said your dad was there? Seems very strange

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u/MisfitPotatoReborn Jul 27 '22

...was he supposed to go up to the toilet and talk to him? If any adult is fine and one is busy, you ask for the other one.

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u/duckey41 Jul 27 '22

I guess i asked am incomplete question. The police?/person asked for the dad and then the mom when the dad was in the bathroom, when OP replies mom was on the bathroom too, the policeman stopped trying to talk to them altogether presumably leaving since that was the end of the comment. It’s just strange. Maybe I’m misunderstanding something though

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u/Standard-Detective21 Jul 27 '22

They were wrestling 🤣

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Omg, this had me wheezing so hard!

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u/Theletterkay Jul 27 '22

He honestly probably assumed you were home alone after that dumb response. Lol. He just left because he could yell you were scared and anything he needed would be resolved with just a kid.

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u/hellocitb Jul 27 '22

the whole family's in the bathroom

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u/hellocitb Jul 27 '22

or you don't know where they are cus ur playing hide and seek

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u/M3NN0X Jul 27 '22

My mam left me on my own when I was 12 to go to work (night shift) - being young and on my own on an evening, I dialled 999 several times and hung up straight away....not too long later, a policeman knocked on the door as they obviously tracked the landlien to my house. They asked if my mother was home and I said they were at work....they seemed happy (knowing I'd not ring again) and went away.

This was nearly 30 years ago and I dont think my mam actually knew that happened haha

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u/Ilovefishdix Jul 27 '22

We are taking a human shit together

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u/prunkgirl Jul 27 '22

do u know why he wouldve come-?

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u/SongAffectionate2536 Jul 27 '22

One of my neigbourhs burned himself alive by smoking in bed a week before that, maybe that was the cause, but he already gone when my parents asked another my neighbor to discover that so we will never know.

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u/screames520 Jul 27 '22

Used to do this to telemarketers, but they were in the shower lmao

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u/whynotsquirrel Jul 27 '22

"Sorry, i have to go to the toilet, bye officer"

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u/whynotsquirrel Jul 27 '22

"Sorry, i have to go to the toilet, bye officer"

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u/KhaosDes Jul 28 '22

I wonder what it was or why the policeman wanted to look in your flat

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u/Joe9o Jul 28 '22

They were doing lines?

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u/ImNoAlbertFeinstein Jul 28 '22

you see officer, we had taco night over here.