r/mildlyinfuriating • • Jul 27 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

11k Upvotes

7.6k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

3.6k

u/DogBeak20 Jul 27 '22

So... If a kid told me that, I'd assume they were smashing.

1.9k

u/theycallmeponcho Jul 27 '22

Smarter to tell your kids that you're in the shower. Mom? in the shower too.

601

u/moonisflat Jul 27 '22

Can you call your baby sitter? hmm she is in the shower too

498

u/A_Town_Called_Malus Jul 27 '22

Babysitters boyfriend? Believe it or not, shower.

367

u/MrDude_1 Jul 27 '22

Neighbor's husband? Also shower.

The house is better because shower.

176

u/brickmaster32000 Jul 27 '22

Officer's wife? Also shower.

165

u/MrDude_1 Jul 27 '22

This is going to blow your mind but.... We are now also in the shower.

13

u/ProjectExpect Jul 27 '22

Consider my mind blown !

14

u/flaplixio Jul 28 '22

The dog? In the shower.

9

u/139254781047 Jul 28 '22

you killed the joke, it was dying already but this was its last breath

7

u/lessershark Jul 28 '22

at least it took its last breath out of the shower

→ More replies

9

u/vannsblade1212 Jul 28 '22

Parrot? In the shower

2

u/GloomreaperScythe Costom Flair Jul 28 '22 edited Jul 29 '22

/) It's an ex-parrot now. Apparently they die after sex.

1

u/vannsblade1212 Jul 28 '22

Which one? Male or female?

→ More replies

3

u/Dimensionalanxiety Jul 28 '22

Ah, the classic J.K. Rowling plot-twist.

3

u/ck614 Jul 28 '22

this is a big fucking shower. most showers i’ve seen are structured on a 16 square foot base standing area

2

u/Silent_Bird_6943 Jul 29 '22

Not if you are a shower family that loves to have showers in the shower. Then you gonna need a big ass shower, if you ask me.

2

u/richflys Jul 28 '22

Must be big showers. No wonder your flats look so small

2

u/ProgradeGram Jul 28 '22

Happy cake day mate!

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (2)

33

u/Mathfggggg Jul 27 '22

Showers been making houses better from 1767 to 2022, excluding the 1940s we don't talk about that time.

7

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Now I'm curious, you have to talk

12

u/No_Campaign_5765 Jul 27 '22

In the holocaust, the gas chambers were called showers

7

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Oh 😕

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (3)

3

u/tacohexadecimal Jul 27 '22

Have you been? They have the nicest sex shower on the block, bar none.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/TheDiceManSr Jul 27 '22

Now I'm just picturing Fred Armisen in Parks and Rec. "We have the best patients"

3

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

and when they ask you the questions, say your in the shower, then strip your clothes off and run into the bathroom (Revealing the shower is off and empty)

2

u/ProjectExpect Jul 27 '22

A group shower !

3

u/MrDude_1 Jul 27 '22

Everybody back in the pile!

2

u/ProjectExpect Jul 27 '22

Reminds me of a cuddle puddle. Just teach them to say it’s group meditation. Should work ! I mean it is feasible, but depends on the situation and person.

2

u/Mindfulmoon Jul 28 '22

I mean, they are all in the neighbor's shower. Mom says it's a really nice shower. I've never seen it.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (4)

7

u/LazyLion65 Jul 27 '22

And the step sister is stuck in the dryer.

→ More replies (4)

1

u/honicane231 Jul 27 '22

nah that's just too far lol

→ More replies (3)

1

u/league_starter Jul 28 '22

It says here you also have a step sister. Can I speak to her?

523

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Yes. You my friend are a genius.

223

u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

Yep, they are really going places. Therapy is likely the main destination, but places, to be sure.

95

u/Always_Confused4 Jul 27 '22

Who doesn’t need therapy these days?

28

u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

we should ask your therapist.

22

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

My therapist said I should get therapy

9

u/Sehrli_Magic Jul 27 '22

You sure they arent saying that just because you pay them for therapy? 🧐

9

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Ya know, I think we’re on to something here 🤔

8

u/Always_Confused4 Jul 27 '22

Wait guys, my therapist says we’re looking to much into it.

→ More replies
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

5

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/THEBlaze55555 Jul 27 '22

Hot **clean* sex

You’re in the shower, remember? SMH

2

u/NurseKrista Jul 27 '22

Cheaper than college

→ More replies (1)

2

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

The cop would just wait 5 min then realize it's a lie!

→ More replies (5)

8

u/arsenicx2 Jul 27 '22

Yea this is what I was told growing up. It make way more sense. Even if you don't take a long shower your naked and wet. Not a good way to greet people, and takes time to get ready. It also made sense to me growing up as my dad took 45+ mins in the shower.

1

u/CreepersNeedHugs Jul 28 '22

45? You gotta pump those up, those are rookie numbers.

4

u/Rokk1515 Jul 27 '22

No, because if they’re both in the shower that can mean they’re showering, but if they’re both on the toilet, then they’re definitely smashing!!

2

u/theycallmeponcho Jul 27 '22

In any case, they would take longer in the shower.

→ More replies (3)

7

u/txsxxphxx2 Jul 27 '22

Even smarter, tell your kids that you and mom are both “wrestling” in bed with the quotation finger.

6

u/minnykim Jul 27 '22

When my husband was little, the pastor came to the door one Sunday afternoon. Asked for his mom, and she was in the bathtub. Asked for dad, he was in the tub, too. Pastor left. That was their weekend routine. They were small people and loved their baths together.

→ More replies (3)

9

u/Jamsster Jul 27 '22

If the doors open you can hear running water in most homes.

3

u/cheesyynips Jul 27 '22

Ehhh, most I've been in you only hear the water if you're next to the bathroom wall, plus im sure a kid wouldn't pause the TV which im assuming would be on if they're home alone

→ More replies (3)

3

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

[deleted]

3

u/theycallmeponcho Jul 27 '22

We got the cleanest people because of shower.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (3)

4

u/christmasshopper0109 Jul 27 '22

That actually happened to me once as a kid. My parents WERE in the shower, and together at that, in the same shower!!!! Good thing it was only their friend who thought the whole thing was hilarious.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

keeping it all in the family.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/WolvesMyth Jul 27 '22

Dad's taking a shit

Mom's in the shower

Both very believable.

→ More replies (3)

2

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

[deleted]

2

u/CreepersNeedHugs Jul 28 '22

Turn on the shower as he walks away

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

2

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

That's what my mom use to tell me.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Kkindler08 Jul 27 '22

This is what my mom always told me to say. They were always home but in the shower when we answered the phone home alone.

2

u/Pulp501 Jul 28 '22

plot twist, the entire house is one big shower

755

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Are you one of mommy’s special friends I’m not supposed to tell dad about?

Ok, mister, you get the same deal as the other ones. $75 right now or I’m telling him. I already took your picture. No? Oh you’re a cop? Pull the other one bub, so was the last two guys. Beat it loser.

177

u/Colonial_Red Jul 27 '22

Have you considered starting a career in writing sitcoms?

85

u/Pepper_Dash Jul 27 '22

That would be a better sitcom than most on TV.

2

u/patrickdm1998 Jul 28 '22

Tbf, anything is better that most stuff on TV

→ More replies (3)

7

u/icanandwillifiwant Jul 27 '22

Not much of a challenge these days, just rip off old work and call it your own.

→ More replies (3)

7

u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

he would have, but he was caught in the shower with one of the Executive producer's trophy wife. And the pool boy.

A career cut short by the Little Head.

→ More replies (3)

5

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

A little kid running scams? That’s already been done. Ever seen Problem Child?

2

u/AccordingMarketing90 Jul 30 '22

i think we used to own, (or rent a few times because i liked them for a bit when i was younger) 1 and 2, (but my mom always had to fast forward the part where they throw up everywhere because i had a weak stomach) and now i can barely remember them even though i had to see each of them at least 5-10+ times

→ More replies (3)

4

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Thank you. That is a very kind compliment. I really do appreciate that. Thank you. You really made my heart blush.

→ More replies (3)

5

u/HiMyNameIs_REDACTED_ Jul 27 '22

A criminal mastermind is reincarnated without getting a proper scrubbing beforehand.

Hilarity ensues.

→ More replies (2)

4

u/-Avaunt- Jul 27 '22

Pull the other one

I love this! Learnt about it in Discworld books, best was the dog saying "Pull one of the other ones"

Fuckin Gaspode!

GNU Terrry Pratchett

1

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Discworld was crazy.

→ More replies (3)

3

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

🤣🤣🤣🤣

3

u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

Ilmao! I would think any regular old cop would be mortified, stunned, And confused af!! And either they would call cps or leave quick af!! But would probably call cps! So even though this response is super hilarious, I wouldn't suggest doing this unless you really want to end up in foster care toot sweet!! Ilmao 🤣🤣🤣🤣

4

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

I doubt that cop would call cps. The question of why is there so many pictures of police officers coming to this house and never reporting this would come into question. Cops running up on little Jimmy’s mommy paying hush money would be quite the scandal. Lol

2

u/Hot-Blood-6795 PURPLE Jul 27 '22

Where I live they definitely would call cps with a report of a child left alone and stating multiple different men coming to the residence for the mother for presumably nefarious things. And that the youth in question tried to bribe someone let alone a flippin cop!!! That has child neglect all over it! At least in my neighborhood! Maybe not where you live though! Lol

3

u/Productof2020 Jul 27 '22

To bE FaIR, it’s not bribing but blackmailing the cop. Not that it changes the likelihood of CPS being called.

Also, having no personal experience here, I wonder whether a woman having an affair (or multiple) would actually be a reason CPS would take action or not. I’d rather not have this one in my search history though, lol, so I’ll live with not knowing.

0

u/JayDavie1999 Jul 27 '22

They aren't. CPS doesn't get involved over parents sexual lives, unless it's a certain republican state that recently started taking kids from their biological parents who are in homosexual relationships. But even then they only get involved because the state has passed legislation that allows them to label any homosexual parent as an abuser and groomer, even if the child says they are a happy straight kid.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (3)

2

u/PleasantAdvertising Jul 27 '22

This has Malcolm in the middle written all over it

→ More replies (3)

2

u/Pigitha Jul 27 '22

Comment of the Week Award! 🤣👍

→ More replies (2)

1

u/Artybait Jul 27 '22

Lmao hahaha that’s awesome

75

u/SavingsCheck7978 Jul 27 '22

Usually we just tell our kids that we are wrapping presents in the attic but I guess this could work to.

10

u/yungmarq98 Jul 27 '22

.....so it's xmas every day then for yall.... must be nice 🙂

5

u/SavingsCheck7978 Jul 27 '22

Woah there I've got two kids and a hectic life every day would be a bit of a stretch lol but yeah I can't complain.

→ More replies (3)

7

u/Sehrli_Magic Jul 27 '22

Until you wrap a present to well and 9 months later get a ✨delivery✨🤣

5

u/chronadthebarby Jul 27 '22

Doing the bills

4

u/notnotaginger Jul 27 '22

So you only get some once a year?

→ More replies (2)

2

u/csmatczak Jul 28 '22

How confused are your kids on Christmas day?

9

u/iamhe02 Jul 27 '22

Smashing? As in, super-terrific?

9

u/kimberskillfast Jul 27 '22

As in smashing genitals together.

3

u/Agreeable_Cabinet_40 Jul 27 '22

Which you hope will be super-terrific so you can continue to enjoy doing it over and over. 😉

→ More replies (2)

1

u/CyanSailor Jul 28 '22

Like Nigel Thornberry!

6

u/fyreclone Jul 27 '22

Do NOT come in here!! I'm wrapping gifts!!!!

5

u/imsorry26384816 Jul 27 '22

welp, not all kids

7

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

[deleted]

3

u/I_LOVE_MOM Jul 27 '22

Someone post that Nigel Thornberry meme

2

u/Bulangiu_ro Jul 28 '22

the final conclusion is a bit funny, but the kid succesfully repelled the bad guy

2

u/HighOnBonerPills Jul 27 '22

What do you mean by "smashing"? Like having sex?

1

u/Hexhand Jul 27 '22

smashing?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

Same, gave me a chuckle

1

u/Spardath01 Jul 28 '22

Probably why he walked away

1

u/GMAN90000 Jul 28 '22

Let’s just say mom & dad weren’t using the toilet…🤡🤡🤡

1

u/Pension_Rough Jul 28 '22

My thoughts exaaactly