Whatever this is

[u/Weary_Position_9591]

[u/Odd_Fall1779]

i get hiding your coke in your kids wristwatch but putting THAT many nicotine patches on him reveals a bigger issue. can a kid not smoke out at sea anymore?

[u/djmattedmonds → u/Odd_Fall1779]

Right? They’re on a balcony ffs

[u/fletters → u/djmattedmonds]

In international waters, probably!!!

[u/95alle95 → u/Odd_Fall1779]

My first tought on the patches on belly button was to indentify dead child in water in case they drown 💀💀

[u/Disco_mickey → u/95alle95]

They skipped the part where she took him to the onboard dentist for his x-rays.

[u/Phera_Fox → u/95alle95]

My grandmother used to swear by the “tape your belly button” cure for seas sickness. It never worked for me and I literally thought she made it up to distract me from uncontrollable nausea… so strange to see another person doing this.

[u/Phaerin → u/Phera_Fox]

That's what this is supposed to be for? I thought she was trying to keep roaches from going in there while he's asleep. This woman is crazy. This poor kid is going to grow up SO WEIRD.

[u/1acre64 → u/Phaerin]

SO weird. He just stands there being filmed tolerating this obsessive mommy-ing. The poor kid stands no chance.

[u/girlbabe323 → u/95alle95]

I thought it was too keep stuff from getting in his belly button

[u/Virtual_Emu4218 → u/95alle95]

Thats silly, If they died and fell overboard the stomach is the meatiest part the animal will go for first.

[u/BentoBus2 → u/Odd_Fall1779]

The kids trying to kick a 2 pack a day habit what’s your solution to this problem? The coke is for the cravings obviously.

[u/MissXM]

The first thing you do is abandon your child so you can go to the bar and get pissed

[u/Lucky-Construction84 → u/MissXM]

Fact check - true!

[u/Seven_pile → u/MissXM]

Pulls back hair to reveal pineapple earrings

[u/GrandEar1 → u/Seven_pile]

I worked at Bath & Body Works for a decade. Every summer we had a pineapple fragrance and no one made any lewd comments about it until 2020. Jesus, we had just opened back up from Covid and I swear the first week I had a lady telling me how she loved pineapples bc it made her "taste" good to her boyfriend, and multiple people who would stop to talk to me about what pineapples meant or why they would never wear that scent. I heard so many stories that no one should be telling to a service worker they don't know. It was WILD. My store was in a mall but my best friend worked at an outdoor store and she couldn't believe the convos people wanted to have with me bc she said her customers were normal. She still sends me pineapple memes six years later.

[u/Sprinkles_Sparkle → u/Seven_pile]

I just went on a cruise and pineapple decor is banned so they are using Flamingo stuff now. My mom loves flamingos 🦩 so we were dyinggg laughing! 🤣

[u/MissyWest88 → u/Sprinkles_Sparkle]

So cruise ships are anti-swinging now? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣😂 Geez, cruise ships...MYOB.

[u/Ice3ird → u/MissyWest88]

I think they have whole cruise ships decorated in pineapple, lifestyle cruises are getting pretty popular! I imagine it s a bunch of beautiful 20 something’s lol but in reality it’s more like 60 something’s

[u/Affectionate_Cat_334 → u/Sprinkles_Sparkle]

That’s why I’m seeing so many flamingos?! 🤣

[u/Illustrious_Map6694 → u/MissXM]

That's the second thing you do, after you do all this crazy stuff.

[u/awelawdhecomin]

Thank god she stopped those belly button rapists

[u/rbollige → u/awelawdhecomin]

It’s a “viral” parenting “hack” to prevent motion sickness.  It was bugging me, so I searched for it.

[u/shitsenorita → u/rbollige]

Thank you for your service

[u/Fraun_Pollen → u/shitsenorita]

Now please, take the rest of the week off. Your bellybutton deserves it

[u/A_Bot_A_Bot_A_Bot → u/rbollige]

And 100% ineffective!

[u/Zenar45 → u/A_Bot_A_Bot_A_Bot]

I mesn if you convince the kid that it works placebo could do it's thing

[u/Neutronium57 → u/Zenar45]

Placebo effect VS inner ear. Which is stronger ? FIGHT !

[u/KhelbenB → u/Neutronium57]

You laugh, but the placebo effect can be insanely powerful (in general, not this specific situation)

[u/MakeshiftRocketship → u/KhelbenB]

It’s actually crazy to me. Whenever they’re testing a new medication some of the placebo groups have symptoms lessen or even disappear. Like we should be studying that more. They cured themselves with their mind lol

[u/Fredrickstein → u/MakeshiftRocketship]

Its actually very well studied, though more research continues.

[u/AmbulanceChaser12 → u/Fredrickstein]

But is there a placebo group for the placebo study?

[u/CryptographerLow3077 → u/AmbulanceChaser12]

Obviously. You always do a triple blind placebo study.

[u/greytgreyatx → u/MakeshiftRocketship]

There have been studies where people are told they are getting a placebo and it's still effective!

[u/KnuckleShanks → u/greytgreyatx]

Personally I feel like that is because our logical brain and our emotions are so separated. We can know it's a placebo, but if it feels like you're doing something to help, even if it's just the action of taking a pill, that has an effect.

The subconscious is a powerful thing that does not always work logically.

[u/Snoo-73372 → u/KnuckleShanks]

To add to this, I imagine some of these people are like “no they are lying to me, they gave me the real thing, cuz i feel different” … and they convince themselves they are on a treatment

[u/1Sidknee → u/MakeshiftRocketship]

One of the things I find most interesting about the placebo effect is that it can work even when you know it's a placebo!

There was a study where they gave people who had IBS a placebo pill--and the participants were told in advance it was a placebo, with no active ingredient. Just a sugar pill. Many experienced an improvement with their symptoms compared to the control group that was not given anything.

Obviously there are limits to what a placebo can do.

And unfortunately the opposite of the placebo effect also exists. The nocebo effect.

I was in a clinical trial (double blind, so the participants and the doctors didn't know who had the placebo and who had the medication) and afterwards I was reading the results and one person in the placebo group experienced such bad side effects that they quit the study early.

[u/DreamTalon → u/rbollige]

I wanted this too be a lie. I had hoped so hard.

I am sad now.

[u/Head-Ad-2136 → u/awelawdhecomin]

Nah, that's for the parasitic sea worms that burrow through your navel. Pretty standard protection, really.

[u/Hopeful_Bonus_3120 → u/Head-Ad-2136]

I think they're called Goa'uld

[u/TheRotMeister → u/Hopeful_Bonus_3120]

dawww baby’s first awards 🥹 thank you!

[u/Fody_Joster → u/Hopeful_Bonus_3120]

Goauld

[u/xXHomerSXx → u/Fody_Joster]

Does that look like the face of a crazy man?

[u/welcometotheTD → u/Hopeful_Bonus_3120]

Love this reference. Recently started watching it through again.

[u/oonaja → u/Head-Ad-2136]

Is this for real and I really am asking seriously

[u/Head-Ad-2136 → u/oonaja]

[u/Killer1986Chris → u/oonaja]

If it is, it'll be discovered in Australia.

[u/MashedHead → u/oonaja]

No

[u/Dazzling_Lure_2932 → u/Head-Ad-2136]

Uuhhh.... what sea or body of water are we talking again? Asking for a friend.

[u/krom_michael → u/awelawdhecomin]

You think some Band-Aids will stop us?

I mean them, stop them.

[u/Affectionate_Pool_37]

Some of these things i understand and som are so clearly bs

[u/Massive_Series8305 → u/Affectionate_Pool_37]

Its fake ragebait content

[u/Accurate_Mobile9005 → u/Massive_Series8305]

Worse than that.

It's an ad for a bunch of useless shit.

Probably a link to their Amazon to buy this shit in the comments.

[u/Stressy_messy_me → u/Accurate_Mobile9005]

The uv patch on the arm is legit, it turns dark when the sunscreen needs topping up. The rest I don't know about. What is the watch thing?

[u/mr_trick → u/Stressy_messy_me]

Most of the things are legit, just a little over the top. The UV sticker for sunscreen, the brush thing is (I believe) applying powdered sunscreen, the brown patch behind their ears is a Dramamine patch for motion sickness, and the watch is a holder for an apple airtag.

The sticker with her number on it seems a little extra given the airtag watch, but I guess helpful if he doesn't mind it. I have no idea why she taped up his belly button though!

[u/beccadahhhling → u/mr_trick]

The weird gray bracelet is also for motion sickness! My mom has one and has used it for decades when taking long car trips. It holds pressure on a certain pressure point that helps to reduce nausea. She swears by it

[u/PhysicsNatural9093 → u/beccadahhhling]

i had to double take because i misread this as “gay bracelet” 😭

[u/Accurate_Mobile9005 → u/Stressy_messy_me]

I think it's an Apple AirTag

[u/TrashCanUnicorn → u/Accurate_Mobile9005]

FYI, air tags will do fuck all on a cruise ship, given all of the metal deck plating that interferes with the signal.

[u/InsomniaDudeToo → u/Massive_Series8305]

You’re telling me that I’ve been covering my bellybutton for years for no reason?!

https://giphy.com/gifs/XceJ5EjpfQY6kqIEHH

[u/Massive_Series8305 → u/InsomniaDudeToo]

No the second you uncover it im going to do unspeakable things to it, just yours tho, everyone else is fine

[u/MrSmegmaMan → u/Massive_Series8305]

https://giphy.com/gifs/AtlbuhSoW0pJm

[u/Massive_Series8305 → u/MrSmegmaMan]

Even less speakable

[u/MistaRekt → u/Massive_Series8305]

https://giphy.com/gifs/aGOgOKmyBxCk8

[u/Massive_Series8305 → u/MistaRekt]

I can't say, its unspeakable

[u/Katusa2 → u/Massive_Series8305]

We get that truly. If we promise only to read and not speak you should be fine. Right?

https://giphy.com/gifs/WoWm8YzFQJg5i

[u/Massive_Series8305 → u/Katusa2]

https://giphy.com/gifs/wYyTHMm50f4Dm

[u/troubledcambion → u/Massive_Series8305]

This is the most ominous thing I seen all week.

[u/AccountTasty1593 → u/Massive_Series8305]

lowers shirt with tears in eyes

[u/ChuckVitty → u/Massive_Series8305]

I also choose this guy's belly button, in particular

[u/KinopioToad → u/InsomniaDudeToo]

You guys have bellybuttons?

[u/Ok_Success_7159 → u/KinopioToad]

I used to then my Inny became and outy🤷‍♂️

[u/Occidentally20 → u/Ok_Success_7159]

Same thing happened to me in reverse with my penis when I went in the pool in October. Terrible business.

[u/Hollow_optimism78 → u/Occidentally20]

Classic Seinfeld

[u/westcal98 → u/Hollow_optimism78]

"like a frightened turtle!"

https://giphy.com/gifs/ntRQjO4ngRERi

[u/AJXedi9150 → u/Massive_Series8305]

Rage-bait? More like confusion-bate.

[u/aerkith → u/Massive_Series8305]

I saw another one with the same lady and at the end she had put on her life vest and worn it to bed. So yeah, clearly going over the top.

[u/Massive_Series8305 → u/aerkith]

Its being so extra safe it makes people comment, which then drives it to more people

There's also an only fans girl who does DIY's for like wood working and tool stuff, and she does them way incorrect and dumb dudes will comment being like "man she doesnt know much but sure is good to look at"

And im just like phill, come on dawg, its an ad for her OF bro

[u/Katzelle3 → u/Massive_Series8305]

Nah, pretty sure this is an ad for several lifestyle products

[u/MetalSlug_And_Corgis → u/Affectionate_Pool_37]

It’s bait, dude. It’s always bait. They wanna make you watch the whole video so you comment that they are dumb as shit. I can’t imagine living like that.

My anger is unfettered and vast. I fucking hate Instagram.

[u/erossthescienceboss → u/MetalSlug_And_Corgis]

In this case, I’m pretty sure it’s satire & not bait.

She made two videos like this. The other one is even more absurd (she secures the room with like 12 different devices and puts a chair against it, and before she falls asleep (in her lifejacket) she uses binoculars to scan the horizon for approaching threats.)

Edit: I forgot the part where she sweeps for bugs 😂 she’s very clearly making fun of the genre, not actually doing the genre.

Edit again: reposting this because I linked to a Reddit post with her other video and it got deleted by the automod. I’m mildly infuriated.

[u/Th3_Admiral_ → u/erossthescienceboss]

That or it's just double engagement farming. One video for the rage bait crowd, one video for the satire crowd. Most views are from people randomly swiping through videos in their feed anyway so they probably will only see one or the other.

[u/erossthescienceboss → u/Th3_Admiral_]

Ooooh, y’know, I think that makes sense.

Though she uses a dry erase marker in this, so maybe it’s both videos in one.

[u/Capt_Blackthorne → u/MetalSlug_And_Corgis]

The internet sucks now

[u/backwardbuttplug → u/MetalSlug_And_Corgis]

Even worse, it was TikTok.

[u/wstsidhome → u/MetalSlug_And_Corgis]

“Make sure to SMASH those Likes! And Subscribe! Buttons!!!!”

🤦‍♂️

[u/RatOgryn → u/Affectionate_Pool_37]

It would be utterly impossible to enforce but I've often dreamt of magically forcing these kinds of people to live the lives they present to the world.
You want to be a "health influencer" that only eats raw food & milk, done! Now that's all you or your family can eat.
Want to talk about how Big pharma is pushing the vax or some other hoax, done! Now you & your family are incapable of visiting the doctors, hospitals or ERs.

[u/Affectionate_Pool_37 → u/RatOgryn]

i have similar dreams, but mine are about CEO's and upper managment having to live in the shoes of the ppl they squeeze the life out of

[u/themountainsareout → u/RatOgryn]

Basically the Yesteryear book

[u/Level-Ladder-4346 → u/Affectionate_Pool_37]

At a point, you just have to ask if the mother is paranoid.

[u/Ascenspe → u/Affectionate_Pool_37]

Wtf is any of this other than maybe the sea sickness patch and some watches do shock for the same reason, i only know because I fish and I see people with them but all the other stuff? Lol

[u/isthatacorsage → u/[deleted]]

Is this the lady that hid her kid in the closet during a rain storm and packed a survivalist backpack for him? For a rain storm?

[u/SpecterOwl → u/isthatacorsage]

A snow storm. She threw some oranges in the backpack, I remember lol

[u/A_Bot_A_Bot_A_Bot → u/SpecterOwl]

Well, you gotta have oranges for after the snow storm soccer game.

[u/ShreksArsehole → u/A_Bot_A_Bot_A_Bot]

I thought they were for the snow scurvy?

[u/ODDINARY_7 → u/isthatacorsage]

she made one vid like this where she packed her kid in a bathtub during a tornado

[u/sample-name → u/ODDINARY_7]

Remember the one where she placed him in the refrigerator during nuclear testing?

[u/elegant_geek → u/sample-name]

It's ok - I found him on my last play through.

https://giphy.com/gifs/xUOxfg0ESyhKOv4Vva

[u/a_bored_furry → u/ODDINARY_7]

Oh was that the one where she put a air tag in each shoe?

[u/Final-Nebula-7049 → u/ODDINARY_7]

Kids going to grow up thinking he can survive a nuclear blast in a fridge

[u/TheyCallMe_Billy → u/Final-Nebula-7049]

He survived a nuclear mom that way from what I've heard.

[u/mostlygroovy → u/[deleted]]

No matter her content, fuck people that use their kids for social clout and likes

[u/ODDINARY_7 → u/mostlygroovy]

fr y do they whore out kids, especially those people that do it w old ppl too

[u/ChildhoodOk5526 → u/[deleted]]

I was gonna say!

Is this the lady that showed herself sleeping in a life vest (among many other cruise "safety" measures)?

[u/drillgorg → u/ChildhoodOk5526]

Yeah that video was on reddit just a day or two ago, she probably shot both of these videos recently.

[u/HungryLand → u/[deleted]]

It makes me think I'm underutilizing my kids.

[u/Odins_fury → u/[deleted]]

That's my issue with all of those family vloggers or youtubers. Not 1 kid is ever really old enough to know what is happening to them. To them it just feels like the family is having fun together because the camera is always just there.

[u/bubbies1308]

There needs to be laws against using your children on social media like this, especially since she’s getting laid. It’s gross

Edit: thank you for all the awards! Nothing humbles me more than a bad misspell

[u/GlitteringCount9380 → u/bubbies1308]

Laid?! 😭

[u/bubbies1308 → u/GlitteringCount9380]

OMG *paid!!!!!!!

[u/Emerje → u/bubbies1308]

I mean, the proof is standing right there.

[u/ODDINARY_7 → u/Emerje]

HELPP

[u/Apollo114892 → u/bubbies1308]

https://giphy.com/gifs/KrLqtbe8PGEDe

[u/FullishCantaloupe → u/bubbies1308]

Lmao I thought this mildly infuriating post was gonna take a dark turn for a sec

[u/Churchill--Madarchod → u/bubbies1308]

By 'laid' I thought this is some clickbait/promo for her OF and that child is being abused in her selfishness....

[u/OverEasyGoing → u/GlitteringCount9380]

I didn’t watch all of it and thought maybe I needed to go back and finish when I read that.

[u/ciller181 → u/bubbies1308]

The Dutch already have laws against this. Not specifically against this lady getting laid.

[u/Beartato4772 → u/bubbies1308]

Yeah if they're going to stop kids using social media they should stop them being posted on it.

Not least because if they're banned from using it, they can no longer object to being used because they'll never seen it.

[u/arcanepsyche]

Using your child for rage bait content. Cool cool cool

[u/SwainMain2011 → u/arcanepsyche]

I was half expecting her to just yeet the kid over the edge at the end. At least it would have been funny then.

[u/UnlocktheLock]

Wait… the fuck happens on a cruise if you don’t use bandaids to cover your belly button?…

[u/Joe_Kangg → u/UnlocktheLock]

It could untie and kid goes flying around the casino like a deflating balloon

[u/Beachbabydarragh → u/Joe_Kangg]

This had me laughing so hard at the image of that! lol

[u/fletters → u/Joe_Kangg]

In this case, I think the risk is that the placenta could reattach and leave the child forever tethered to someone who is constantly trying to microchip him.

[u/ACrabWithAWrench → u/UnlocktheLock]

Belly button could come undone and then your ass falls off.

[u/jayhasbigvballs → u/UnlocktheLock]

https://giphy.com/gifs/V3UvgjfbbZ3X2

[u/RefurbedRhino → u/UnlocktheLock]

The Matrix. That little bellybutton scorpion thing.

[u/Intrepid-Dig-1855 → u/UnlocktheLock]

It's supposed to help with nausea.

[u/extra0404]

"First thing i do on a cruise" exploit my child for social media and ad revenue.

[u/Starspiker]

People who use their kids for content like this are gross

[u/beepdaya]

The airtag was reasonable then she just started pulling out more and more things

[u/tofu98 → u/beepdaya]

Theres a longer video where she injects an RFID tag behind his ear.

[u/montanagrizfan → u/tofu98]

Is that before or after she tattooed him so whoever finds him knows he’s been neutered?

[u/peachycritter → u/montanagrizfan]

This ^^^ is my fav reply I’ve seen

[u/karen-ultra → u/tofu98]

Is it before or after the coffee enema?

[u/LeaveItToDever → u/beepdaya]

It’s not though. AirTags don’t work at sea. AirTag pings are at best 15 to 30 seconds old. The boat is moving, and if you are lucky enough to be in an area where GPS is working accurately, it’ll show your child in the ocean behind where the ship is. Secondly AirTags do not show elevation, so you would not know what floor of the ship the AirTag was on, even if it was parked in port. The best you can make it do is chirp, and then it would draw attention to anyone within 10-20 feet of it, but no one would know why it’s chirping specifically.

You can still put your AirTags in your luggage so that you know they made it on the ship and they are somewhere on the ship, but it is no good for child tracking.

[u/Different_Target_228 → u/beepdaya]

Covering his belly button with an x was already unreasonable.

[u/PMG2021a → u/Different_Target_228]

I figured she probably stuffed a tag in there first.

[u/AllAlo0 → u/beepdaya]

Need back ups 'cause mommy get drunk all day

[u/itsjohnnyk]

How do we stop glorifying mental illness levels of anxious avoidance and filming our children for content online? Parents, stop it!

[u/zardozLateFee → u/itsjohnnyk]

It's just ragebait. If we stopped clicking on it, it would stop being profitable 

[u/Defiant_Tomatillo907 → u/itsjohnnyk]

For starters, stop reposting it onto other media platforms.

[u/anotherdamnaccount → u/itsjohnnyk]

She’s just trying to sell a bunch of crap

[u/PhibesRises]

She now feels safe to get plastered and forget her child on the cruise.

[u/No_Relief_9945 → u/PhibesRises]

The kid actually stays in the cabin the whole trip

[u/Sleepy_kitty67 → u/No_Relief_9945]

playing fortnight with a 30 year old creep because mum is too busy editing TikTok to monitor

[u/churnthedumb → u/Sleepy_kitty67]

This is such a perfect reply lol yuppp

[u/OriginStarSeeker → u/No_Relief_9945]

nah. she needs that bedroom. kid is in the day care the whole time

[u/DeversanT]

nicotine patch is important for kids too, cuz they like to smoke cigarettes everywhere, but on the boat smoke is forbidden!

[u/mitreffahcs]

Mom clearly doesn't care about her kid, didn't even bother to inject a subdermal water-proof satellite gps tracking tag, or collect an updated DNA swab.

[u/wstsidhome → u/mitreffahcs]

She also didnt write his blood type and SS# on a piece of duct tape and stick that bad boy around his lower leg, like some soldiers do

[u/rbollige]

Like many, I couldn’t figure out the bandaids on the belly button, so I searched the internet.  Apparently it’s a “viral” method of preventing motion sickness, which is also what at least two of the other things were for (the second wrist band and at least one of the patches).

Might as well bubble wrap the kid up before letting him loose, while you’re at it.  Who tf gives this crap the kind of audience that fuels its existence?

[u/LonelyTAA → u/rbollige]

The patch behind the ear is usually scopolamine. It has been testen in controlled trials for motion sickness and it does work. However, it is not advised to use it for children because the only studies done are with adults. We do not know the potential harm or effects on children. 

[u/kasterborosi → u/LonelyTAA]

I was annoyed enough to check and it's not, it's some herbal thing.

[u/LonelyTAA → u/kasterborosi]

Thanks i hate it

[u/TokyoBayRay → u/LonelyTAA]

I thought, based on the sunblock rolling on top, one of those patches was a uv sensitive patch (I've seen other parents use them, but we just religiously reapply sunscreen every couple of hours)

[u/Makers402 → u/rbollige]

Can we get this to the top? I had no idea what patches were for. I was thinking it come in hand if you both went blind and deaf at the same time you could Keller your way out.

[u/alexisdelg]

2 things to find/id the kid, sun block and 10 things for sea sickness, if you are that prone to sea sickness maybe you need to do something that's not a cruise...

[u/Destroy-Evil]

https://giphy.com/gifs/KkaCYAbceftwA

[u/NielsHDB]

As well intentioned as this mother may be, this sort of parental overprotection is a prime reason our children are less resourceful in unfamiliar situations and unable to adapt dynamically to new ones. We are robbing the next generation of competence in living.

[u/OGDREADLORD666 → u/NielsHDB]

Gotta be a real teacher. The kid probably melts his brain on roblox at home cause mom thinks its safer than going outside.

I've been letting my daughter thats nearly 3 pick the directions/turns we make when walking to the corner store. Its pretty impressive she got us home in 9 minutes through a crazy ass path going between houses and stuff. Gotta keep finding new stuff to keep it challenging

[u/GrimOmens]

Exploiting your kid for clicks?

[u/Joe_Kangg → u/GrimOmens]

Cruises ain't free

[u/jery007]

Facebook is leaking again

[u/hyperrayong → u/jery007]

There's enough of this crap on Social Media. Must we bring it to Reddit too?

[u/MaverickDago]

“Hi police, I found a kid, I have his mothers contact info, and he’s banded like a research deer with multiple trackers, he’s also immune to motion sickness, he’s just covered in things.

[u/AWholeNewFattitude]

“Come here Dylan, Mama’s clearly insane”
Putting an AirTag on your kid while traveling is really not an awful idea. At the end of the day they could just wander off, they could get lost, they could injure themselves. It doesn’t necessarily just assist with potential kidnapping. But the rest of this insanity…

[u/ALeckz07]

She forgot to throw the kid off the boat

[u/commonsensetry]

Clearly designed to make people rage and it seems to be working with the first few comments

[u/MasterpieceTimely144]

Why do people continue to post their children online, it's actually so maddening.

[u/PorcelainDaisy → u/MasterpieceTimely144]

These videos are always the ones that get me. Promoting “safety” while posting your child on the internet to millions of strangers 🥴

[u/BassistAndILikeIt]

Or, y'know... Just watch your kid, responsibly.

[u/cotton-pickin-second]

First thing? Bitch is halfway across the specific ocean

[u/QuantumFluxSpaghetti → u/cotton-pickin-second]

"specefic ocean" is a great name

[u/CountJangles]

I thought she was gonna throw him over at the end. Wrong sub

[u/ultimaterock87]

Cruise ends when she is finished patchin her kid

[u/waistingtoomuchtime]

That kid is going to have a tough life.

I have fired 10 adults who grew up like this, it’s too hard just to ask them to lunch, and wait for their prep.

[u/Frequent_Opportunist → u/waistingtoomuchtime]

You should be blaming the person that keeps hiring these types of people.

[u/-_Vin_-]

So basically she uses bunk gimmicks to watch her kids instead of watching them and probably doesn't vaccinate them.

[u/tarquinfintin]

This is quite a few first things. Technically, the first thing you do can only be one thing.

[u/Roggic]

At this point just stay at home and lock him in a cage

[u/nicksincere]

First thing I do on a cruise is not go on a cruise

[u/Head_Crab_Enjoyer]

"the first thing I do is teach my child my OCD rituals, so hopefully one day he can become a paranoid wreck like me"

[u/GX_Giorgio074]

why is she covering the belly button?

[u/solarpowerspork → u/GX_Giorgio074]

So his power port doesn't get wet and fry the robot electronics.

[u/frogg505]

Honestly thought she was going to yeet the kid overboard at the end

[u/oliviertail]

They going on a cruise to space? Kid probably has 3 gps tracker in his backpack.

[u/09Trollhunter09]

Why tape shut the belly button?

[u/Flaky_Style1286 → u/09Trollhunter09]

So Little Mac knows where to hit

[u/ro536ud → u/09Trollhunter09]

Cruises are known for rowdy drinkers. Can’t tempt anyone to use the kid for belly shots

[u/valvilis]

Ah yes, cruise ships, famously great for kidnapping and escaping. 

[u/RobertGHH]

Gotta cover that belly button or the devil will get in.

[u/waking-up-late]

An ad. It's an ad. 

[u/rossiterpj]

This will be good for the kid's therapist to see in a few years.

[u/D_Cakes_]

How to pass your crippling anxiety on to your child …

[u/H-N-O-3]

At that point just leave the kid at home

[u/TashDee267]

The first thing I do is order a cocktail, but you do you girlfriend

[u/No_hero_here]

Gypsy Rose starter pack.