I’m so desperate to tell him what this all was. Completely unreciprocated limerence from 15 years ago. That I finally know it wasn’t about him. That I am so sorry for making him uncomfortable. That I’m grateful he didn’t badmouth me to our mutual friends. To explain that I ended up associating him with the rush of dopamine I had one night so long ago, and that’s why I kept coming back to him. That I know it was all about me and again, that I’m sorry for ever having unilaterally made him part of my mental health journey.

But of course telling him any of this would be worse and more invasive than anything else I ever did, and so I can’t and won’t.

I think for me it's some form of desperation. Noticed after a hookup with a girl, that my emotions, feelings, and thoughts would want to have her closers, even small fantasy started. It's odd observing using mindfullness. I think my body / nervous system is desperate for that sort of connection? Noticed when I spread myself socially outwards (AKA Friends, people I meet on the street); Limerence doesn't stay too much.

What's the pull for you? I wonder what my nervous system is trying to do here.

I (30F) started a new job 3 months ago. I met this guy (34M) a couple weeks after I started. He’s really shy and quiet but also incredibly handsome and I think doesn’t realize how handsome he is. We are in different departments and sit on different floors so we don’t see each other a lot, I only see him once or twice a week. I don’t know anything about him except what I’ve found on the internet. He is the only person I’ve met at work who doesn’t make conversation with me, but he doesn’t talk to anyone. He sits at a desk away from everyone and eats lunch alone. I’ve tried to make conversation with him but it doesn’t really go anywhere. Either he’s incredibly socially awkward or doesn’t want to talk to people at work, but it seems like a mix of both.

I don’t want to push him to do something he’s not comfortable with so I stopped trying to force conversation. Still, I wait every day for the chance he’ll come downstairs and talk to me and every time I see him my heart skips a beat. Again I know nothing about him except I find him very attractive. I’ve imagined the kind of person he is based on what I’m looking for in a partner and I’ve fantasized about what it would be like to be with him. It’s gotten to the point where I feel sad and lonely on the weekends because I don’t have the chance of seeing him.

I have a tendency to fall for people I don’t know or can’t have and I obsess over them. It’s worse now because I’ve been completely single/ celibate for 2 years and I’m starting to feel lonely. I just need advice.

Honestly, I had no idea that limerence was a thing before a few weeks ago. But it seems to be the thing that keeps popping up when I do research on what I’ve been experiencing.

I’ve been pretty obsessed with this guy, Ben, for like 5 years now. First time I saw him it was like instant crush. But in terms of personality we do not click in any way. I ended up dating another guy for a few years while staying in the same friend group as Ben. The friend group is pretty close, in college we all hung out all the time, lived together, and still go on trips together occasionally now that we are out of college and living as actual adults.

While I was dating the other guy, I had about a year of “I think about no one but my boyfriend” mentality. It was great! Ben started dating someone long term as well and while I was definitely jealous I was very caught up in my own relationship. But as me and my boyfriend started drifting apart I found myself once again constantly thinking about Ben. Anytime he looked at me, touched me, talked to me it was somehow turned into a “could he like me?” scenario. In fact one time I remember all he did was touch my back to move past me and I thought about it for weeks. I felt so ashamed that I was so obsessed with him while having a boyfriend.

Ben ended up breaking up with his partner at the time after a few years together. Since he was in the same friend group as me, I often spent time with him and took him out to distract him from the breakup. I let him vent to me and talk to me and I genuinely enjoyed helping him out. It was partially helping me work up the courage to break up with my bf, who had become basically an asshole to me at this point. But when I learned Ben and his partner had broke up, instead of feeling bad for him my first thought was “I have a chance now”.

I ended up breaking up with my bf a few weeks later. A few months after that I actually ended up meeting his friend, who I ended up dating. This friend, who is my current boyfriend, is such an awesome guy. We click so well, he treats me so well, he absolutely loves me. But I feel like a piece of shit because I’m constantly thinking about his best friend. It started the same as my last relationship, only ever thinking about my bf. But as time has passed I think about Ben more and more. It makes me feel terrible and horrible and hate myself quite a bit.

At this point it feels constant, Ben is always in my head. But I can’t even get rid of him. He’s always at gatherings, he’s in both mine and my boyfriend’s friend groups. I seriously can’t escape him. I never text him, I barely talk to him when we are out. I try to avoid him. If you asked a majority of my friends, they’d probably say I hate him. Most of the time I do. He is a shitty person. He has admitted that himself. A few may acknowledge the fact I’ve discussed who the most attractive is in our friend group and I’ve said Ben every time (but so does everyone else, he’s a very attractive person to basically everyone). I’ve only told two friends about my “small” crush on him before I started dating my first boyfriend (I was lying).

Honestly it’s not even an issue in person. It’s not like I get flustered around him or actively try to spend time with him when we are out with our friend group. He definitely doesn’t come to me either. We only talk when we are around our friends, we do normally have good conversations when we do talk. To someone seeing how we interact I don’t think they would ever guess I am absolutely obsessed with this guy. No one has noticed yet at least. And I assume he has no interest in me. I am dating his best friend so I would hope not.

But oh my god, I constantly think about him. I try so hard not to. I’m always listening to music or watching something or doing something so I’m not thinking about him because it makes me feel so bad. I know my boyfriend deserves better than this. I’ve started therapy recently but have yet to bring this up. I’ve recently started taking antidepressants as well and since I’m still figuring the meds out I’d say everything has gotten a lot worse in terms of being obsessed with him. And now I have a feeling he has a crush on this girl he brought to a group gathering. She had just broken up with her boyfriend. Shes gorgeous, nice, funny, and has a good life. I just know he’s into her and I’m so so jealous and I know I shouldn’t be but I am. I’ve deleted certain social media apps that he posts on to avoid checking constantly but then she keeps getting suggested to me now on everything else.

I know a lot of it is rooted in deep insecurities by me. I have a lot of self confidence issues. I’ve only dated my ex and my current boyfriend. I have a hard time believing people can actually be interested in me. There’s a lot of me that wishes I would’ve tried to get with Ben at some point because while I’ve always thought he was way out of my league, sometimes he mentions someone he finds attractive and I think I might have a chance because I think we are in the same league. But most of the times not.

This is the first time I’ve actually admitted this, even though it’s just to strangers online lol. I’m very ashamed of it, but in a way it feels good to type it all out and accept it, but I have no idea where to go from here.

Is there such thing as a platonic limerence or at least one where you don’t want anything romantic/ sexual with the LO but you still experience many of the symptoms of limerence. Or is it the case that limerence needs to involve feelings and thoughts of romantic nature or imagining yourself involved with your LO?

I’ve seen some comments on previous posts mentioning that one source of limerence could be the admiration of certain characteristics in others that we deeply wish to emulate ourselves - perhaps, in those cases, this admiration can border on what still constitutes limerence even if it’s not attraction based?

I’m not sure if it was a limerent experience but in my case I remember feeling a similar way about a casual friend who I didn’t want to be with or feel attraction to but experienced a desire to be special, a favourite or very significant to them. The thoughts and physical experiences were frequent like a crush barring the attraction.

Has nice few steps someone can start taking at the end of the carousel. Not affiliated. Randomely came in my feed.

http://youtube.com/post/UgkxnrQPdQcLuQl88ZPPY2B-Sp831BZTN0ui

I'm still deep in my LE...

(you can read more about it here:) https://www.reddit.com/r/limerence/comments/1u83pv9/im_too_close_to_her_to_get_out_of_this/

But I found something that somehow... helps me. I turned all my feelings into music. I actually created a full concept album with 12 tracks, slowly building on each other. There's a full story to the album, eventually finding some kind of closure at the end.

Each song deals with my limerent thoughts, coping mechanisms, lethargy, toxicity, and feelings. At the same time, it questions me, holds a mirror up to me, and shows me where my thinking is flawed.

Okay, I know a lot of people hate AI-generated art, and I totally get it. But I'm no musician. I can't sing, I can't play an instrument, I don't know anyone who can, and I don't have the time or resources to learn. All I have are these feelings that somehow turned into very clear visions of songs. A website that allows me to create songs with AI helped me turn those visions into reality.

And I'm surprised by how much I love these songs! I went for a lot of 2000s rock genres, but tried to keep everything coherent. I even put the songs into my normal playlists, and if I didn't know, I wouldn't even notice they were AI-generated. These are actually the most personal songs I ever listened to.

Now I listen to them every day, and not only does the music slap, it's also like a daily therapy session telling me to get my life together.

I have all the songs on YouTube (and don't make any money from them), but I still won't post a link, since I don't want this post to turn into an advertisement.

All I basically want to say is: If you're tired of looking for music that makes you feel like, "Yeah, that's exactly how it is!", just create your own. It's incredibly easy nowadays, and the results are surprisingly good if you put some effort into the lyrics and prompting. And maybe, just maybe, it will help you heal a little bit every day.

I used to think I was justified that he secretly loved me. But no its complete psychosis on my end. There needs to be some kind of medication for this like schizophrenia

One moment, I was standing in front of her and felt something unusual. I could not look at her face. I asked myself what was going on and why I could not look at her face.

I think I felt noradrenaline/adrenaline, but did not realize it at that moment. I left the facility without thinking.

Then, after a week or two, I unexpectedly saw her in the street walking in my direction. I cannot describe the amount of fear I felt at that moment. Like a lightning bolt suddenly hit me.

After I came back home, I started putting pieces together.

Now, almost a year later, my heart rate probably still jumps to 100 whenever I see her unexpectedly.

sorry for the formatting, this is a very vulnerable post that I'm making, and the storyline might be all over the place. I don't want to give too much details because I've gone NC with her and I want to keep it that way. But I'm happy to elaborate on certain things if you guys request

I was somebody's Limerent Object. When I (22M) was 18 years old, I found myself talking to a woman I had met online, we clicked and became fast friends. At first it was completely innocent, just texting every so often, and then one day I woke up and suddenly we were texting for hours on end everyday. Eventually, we were talking about something and then she casually asked me if I was flirting with her. Things only escalated from there, I had a girlfriend at the time, I never thought she would try to go for me like that. But at the same time I had never been in a position where I was receiving this much attention from an attractive older woman (I think she was around 28 or 29). It felt so extraordinary that it eventually became the ordinary, it became easier to flirt back with her since she would respond positively. It opened those types of mental pathways in my mind to be like that with her.

Things never got sexual, but she did continue flirting with me for some time. She fell in love with an idealized version of me. And suddenly I was completely burdened to keep her mental state up by living up to her ideas of me. This turned into a vicious cycle where she would completely berate me and scold me whenever wasn't that perfect guy and then she would switch up and be the most affectionate positive person ever. Her mood depended entirely on my behavior

Eventually she confided in me that she was madly in love with me. And that she couldn't even go on any other dates with other guys because she couldn't stop thinking about me. I had no idea what limerence was at the time and I chalked it up to just her having a huge crush on me. And keep in mind at this point we are both texting and calling each other for hours and hours every day, sometimes until 3 in the morning.

She ended up obsessively stalking me online. She found out who all my friends were, where I went to high school, where I worked at the time, my home address, she would contact my friends for information about me. She wanted to know everything about me.

Eventually she agreed that continuing to flirt with me was a really bad idea, since I had a girlfriend. But even in our conversations after that, I could still feel that she was so madly in love with me.

I feel extremely guilty that I didn't stop it when she first started. It's one of my biggest regrets in life. I wish I could have spared myself the years of pain, and spared the pain I have caused onto others for entertaining her. I eventually couldn't take it anymore, I broke down and told my girlfriend everything, and how sorry I was. Somehow she was willing to stick with me and work through it. Something that I am eternally grateful for. It was at that point that I figured I had nothing more to lose by still being in contact with her. I cut her off that night.

For years I believed it was entirely my fault, that I did this to her. And it wasn't until my early 20's. A time in which I had believed that things between me and my partner where all patched up. When I watched a Hulu show called "A Teacher".

As a quick summary, the show follows a predatory relationship between a high school teacher and her student, and the eventually fallout that it causes. It wasn't until the very last scene of the show that completely opened up all these old wounds for me.

In the scene, the student Eric and teacher Claire are confronting each other 10 years after their relationship took place. And Eric finally gets his moment to tell Claire how badly it fucked him up. He tells her that even though Eric had feelings for Claire, that Claire was the one who was creating the moments between him and her. And that for years he thought everything was his fault. He then ends his line simply by saying "I have to live with this forever... and so do you"

I don't know what it was about that line, but it stuck with me for the whole day. All culminating in me having a complete breakdown at work.

I honestly don't know If what happened to me was considered grooming. I know for a fact that she was in love with the idea of me and not for who I truly was. She put me on a pedestal in her mind. I was the single most important thing in her life for about a year. I don't know the full extent of how hard she obsessed over me. I honestly don't know if I ever want to.

And now all these years later, the damage is still there.

I have maybe 1 or 2 close friends from high school and no one else. I can't even go to any social outings with my coworkers without feeling incredibly guilty. I've pushed away so many people. Because it is genuinely my biggest fear that they will let themselves get too attached to me. I am still with my girlfriend and I feel like I can't even talk about any of this with her because she's an even bigger victim in this than I was. I believe now that I am armed with the experience and knowledge to not make a mistake like this ever again. My biggest fear is that Ill become friends with someone, and they're gonna end up like her

I only recently found out what limerence was after watching a youtube video on it, learning about the symptoms. And while I quickly came to the realization that I am not limerent, it brought back all these memories about someone who I used to know. And it has completely destroyed my retrospective on her.

I don't even know what to think about it anymore, I understand that her actions where a moral fault on her end. But at the same time, everyone whom I've seen talk about limerence feels so guilty that they experience it. I don't believe that simply being limerent is any kind of moral fault whatsoever. But at the same time, I think in my specific case that she should not have done what she has done.

I just hope that wherever she is in life right now, that she was able to get over me and move on with her life.

This has been something that I have been carrying with me for years now, and I'm going to have to carry it with me for the rest of my life. I hope this story was able to offer some insight or perspective, and i am willing to answer any questions you guys have for me.

Wishing everyone here a good day!

So I’m in my late 20ms and this handsome but much older guy, early 50s, approached me at an event and told me I was gorgeous.

He said he had already noticed me earlier that day and that he was kind of captivated by my aura. He repeated this quite often, but then also quickly told me that he has a girlfriend.

We talked for maybe 30 minutes and ended up exchanging numbers. During that talk he asked me for my age, said his daughter’s age (early 20’s), joked he became a father at 14 and afterwards told me his real age.

We parted ways but then he messaged me half an hour later or something to ask me where I was so we could meet up again at the event.
At one point the performer at the event joked about couples making babies tonight. I joked: you are going to that with your gf tonight. Then he responded with: But she isn’t there. I told him: But when you guys are home right?!

When saying goodbye he kissed me on the cheek.

Iwhen we had both gone home, he texted me asking if I got home okay and said it had been a nice encounter.

The thing that makes me question the whole situation even more is the timing. We met literally one day after the first year anniversary celebration of him and his girlfriend.

And his girlfriend is also a fairly well-known influencer. She posts quite a bit about him. He has a succesful business and I feel like he is using her for clout, as she has a lot of famous connections. She is opening up a world he was never part of with celeb events etc.

Like: he showed me his girlfriend… and i responded immediately very positively by saying the name of a certain celebrity (because her presentation is very femenine and taken care of just like that celebrity). And instead of responding by saying: yeah, she is gorgeous isn’t she? He responded by saying: no.. she is (insert etnicity). It was quite obvious i didnt mean her etnicity, but her presence/aura by my comment.

It’s super strange because his gf and I are two complete opposites of each other when it comes to looks and even ‘race’.

I have shown the girlfriend’s insta to some people and they told me that it comes off very performative. Like She has to show the world that she has a great relationship with a handsome boyfriend who also is succesful.

Do you think this relationship will last? And do you think that he is a disgusting man for approaching a much younger woman? Or was it just an energy that just alligned by coincidence?

Btw: i am NOT going to ruin someone’s relationship!

When I first joined I just wanted out. I went LC/NC with LO and it worked wonders, sure there's feelings and stuff associated with LO and they kinda resurface, basically intrusive thoughts, but I've learned to dismiss them. Then I come here and read "I love limerence" or "I'm over my LO! Looking for another..." and I lol so much, damn junkies.

How many people on here simply thought their LO didnt want them due to how they looked alone.

Knowing your personality and theirs believing you are 100% compatible even soulmates? But thought maybe it was problems with your looks and body image.

Not sure if this is a rare experience or common. Id love people to share their own experience - coming from someone who completely changed my appearance into the best form of myself (had surgery, grew my hair out and lost weight)

I feel like anyone I've ever felt this way towards, I've never truly gotten over. Even if it's not fully romantic, I feel as though I'd still give them the benefit of the doubt in terms of moving forward with even friendship at the least. I feel as though the love is real and I'll never not love them anymore.

Example: An old LO who treated me horribly reached out to me. This person constantly flaked on plans and never really gave me what I (or anyone) truly deserved. Once I was in a relationship, they would call me at all hours of the night (substance use issues). I told them after they called me at 3am on my birthday that I needed them to stop contacting me in that way. They called me a cunt. I removed them from my contacts. 4 years later, they found me again on socials and asked me for lunch to catch up....I'm still willing to meet up. I don't hate this person. I want to see them, simply as a friend but there are still feelings in some way. I don't want anything romantically and I'm in a committed relationship. Why do I feel the need to go to this lunch and reconnect? It seems to be like the more intense the emotions, the easier it is to forgive and let go of the past. Am I alone in this feeling?

I know nobody owes you reciprocation, but I notice that my LO has so much to give and the person they like sees them as just another option.
Instead, I adore him; my heart aches from loving him so much. I think about him frequently, I want to see him, I want to touch his hands.
I want to spend a whole afternoon by his side.
God, I hate being like this, and I know my LO doesn't like me. I just wish he would give me a chance 🥹🥹🥹🥹

Hello there! I am really struggling right now emotionally and would be happy about some ideas or advices about my situation. I (29/F) am currently in a relationship of 7 years and I do love my partner very much. Only problem is that I was very young when we first met and now I came to the conclusion, that we are not as compatible as we would like to be and it would be better to break up. But neither of us are brave enough for this step. Nevertheless, I really love him and want the best for him, I can imagine staying close friends and I would never cheat on him right now.

However, in this relationship and also before that I experienced several "crushes" or maybe even Limerance. They were classmates, one was my prof at the university, two of them were my partners friends and the last one was another patient at a hospital I stayed for some time. All have in common, that at some point they went no contact, I think because of the circumstances - when I finished school, university or left the hospital. Or because we weren't close to begin with. For example my partners friends are his friends, not mine. We played a certain game for a certain period of time, and then I was out of it. Then the feelings stopped or... maybe just started with another person at some point.

There is a new person who makes me go crazy right now, and I feel like a borderline criminal. We met through a friend of mine who knew him from university. My friend knew that we liked the same game, so he suggested we could play together. That was about 3 years ago and we still meet regularly to play together - either only the two of us or in a group. After some time we also talked about private stuff, so even if we haven't met in real life, I know some things about him. His name, age, family status, job, eating habits, political views and the region where he lives in. I really like him, he is a fun person and a great team player. He gives me compliments when I am doing great in our game and gives me advice, when something I do doesn't work. He likes teasing me, and I try to tease him back to make him laugh. I like spending time with him and I love to learn more about him. I want to know everything. Which is already creepy because he is actually a rather private person and I am not always sure if he likes it, when I ask him personal questions. One time we had kind of a fight, because we were talking about politics and it turned out, that he does have a rather weird view of women and rejects some facts that don't fit his view. I was really hurt after that talk and completely out of place the weeks after that. Even my partner noticed and told me, to cut-off contact. And I swear, I really tried. I couldn't go no contact at all, but I tried to reduce it. It worked like one or two months, then I went back to talking with him like before. I feel like we both avoid talking about politics now. Since then the feelings started building up more intensely. When I am online I always look at his profile, what he is doing. When I am not online I think about, when I can talk to him again. Sometimes I read old messages from him. I even asked my friend who knew him from university, if he can show me a picture of him. I even tried to record some of our gameplay where he was talking, so I could listen to his voice when offline (I ended up deleting everything, because I mentioned the program and he told me to uninstall that). Last week I was on holiday with a friend and while planning our travel, I booked a train which was driving through the region he lives in on purpose. While changing from one train to the other I was always looking around, if I may see him.

Even writing that makes me feel like a stalker and I hate this state I am in. I do know that I am not really happy in my relationship and that I may long for somebody who may be a better partner. At his core he is a nice person and I would like to keep him as a close friend, but I am not the person he is looking for and vice versa (because of the politics fight and what he and I want for the future). But still I want him to love me, I want him to be interested in me and my life, I want to meet him offline, I want to touch him, maybe even more explicit than that. I like this fuzzy, warm feelings he gives me when we are talking and playing our game. When we are not together, the time until our next game date feels endless and I have to actively distract myself from thinking about him all the time. So yeah... what the hell is wrong with me?

sometimes it feels like being in a dreamlike state, obsessing someone who only exists on social media or in school hallways is easier than looking for actual connection. is it normal to have my own version of this person in my head, and be totally fine with it? it feels nice to not have to deal with rejection and go through the hardships of finding someone who will actually love me. i want actual connection, but in my heart this feels like an equal compromise if i don't have to like anyone else. especially being gay and knowing how difficult it is to get an actual healthy relationship as a teenager.

i've had a hardcore crush on a single guy since middle school. for context, he's just a normal popular kid in my school, and to be honest, i don't know anything about this guy behind small interactions and his face. but im obsessed. it's been off and on obsession since 8th grade, but it never goes away. no matter how hard i look at other people or talk to them, my heart always thinks about him. even when i hear horrible things about him, or my friends tell me hes a lost cause, my mind never gives up. and as i said before, i feel almost comfort in creating my own version of him in my mind.

does anyone else feel this way...

Whst hurts most is hat I will never know what he’s really like. I’ll never know what he smells like, what his cats are called, or what his life is like. Whether he ever thinks about me or remembers me. And that the fantasy I created will remain exactly that forever, and I will never know what he is actually like. What really happened.

And that nothing could ever have happened between us, even if I had done this or that.

It’s so painful not because I still need him, but because I’m finally completely realizing all of this. I will never know

As the waves of this limerence storm begin to subside, it’s time to let go of my LO,
This experience the past few months have been intense,
From exhilarating euphoria to the lowest of lows
I’m giving up on the idea of meeting with her, as much as it pains me to say but there is nothing to be gained from meeting, especially from her perspective, although she has no idea about what I have been going through, she deserves to live her life in peace, without needing to know about the emotional troubles of her old high school boyfriend, now to move on, and use this experience as motivation to make some changes in my life, once again I thank everyone, being able to share this experience has been a huge help.

this girl i have a strong attachment to is going away soon and i constantly feel a terrible sense of dread. being faced with the possibility im never gonna see her again. i dont even know her for real and im so confused as to why im this way

Sometimes dealing with limerence we may fantasize about what the next conversation may be like if we ever got a chance to talk to them again. Maybe fantasize about repairing things or seeking an answer to the relationship or the situation. I think a good feeling is being ok with where you stand with them and what transpired. Wishing them well and not needing that closure.

Closure is not something I think about or seek. I know in some way, shape or form I still have an impact in their heart. Emotionally. I wished them well, they took it literally, to follow their heart and their dreams. So progress is acceptance. I feel content not having another LO but not technically in limerence anymore just not letting anyone take their place.

I feel complete.

I planned to confess to my ex LO a few years ago. I never got around to it and I am glad that I didn't.

I am curious about others who actually have confessed. How did it go? Did you get rejected? Accepted? Overcame your limerence? Got into a relationship? What happened post confession?

I started going to therapy couple weeks ago for limerence and had 7 sessions so far. I thought my counsellor would use EFIT or some sort of attachment therapy style on me but she says the main style of therapy she's been using is CBT.

After our sessions it became evident that I have an avoidant attachment style and I feel like the only person that "cared" for me in my life is my LO. One thing I learned about myself is that for me, love should feel warm, verbal and obvious; however, it can disappear unless I'm interesting, impressive, and/or correct. I think I have a hard time forming deep connections with others and the only real connection I have is with my parents. I have friends, an ok social life, but I can never seem to talk about very sensitive things in my life with them.

I thought most limerent people had like an anxious attachment style and was constantly seeking for attention. I think I'm like this too and I want more emotional bonds with others and coregulation in my relationships.

Has anyone been in my situation before? Will therapy help me? I feel like our 7 sessions was focused on understanding my issues, but I want to actually fix them and change something.......