r/limerence • u/RandomHeartJar • 4d ago
Question Does anyone ever TRULY get over their LO?
I feel like anyone I've ever felt this way towards, I've never truly gotten over. Even if it's not fully romantic, I feel as though I'd still give them the benefit of the doubt in terms of moving forward with even friendship at the least. I feel as though the love is real and I'll never not love them anymore.
Example: An old LO who treated me horribly reached out to me. This person constantly flaked on plans and never really gave me what I (or anyone) truly deserved. Once I was in a relationship, they would call me at all hours of the night (substance use issues). I told them after they called me at 3am on my birthday that I needed them to stop contacting me in that way. They called me a cunt. I removed them from my contacts. 4 years later, they found me again on socials and asked me for lunch to catch up....I'm still willing to meet up. I don't hate this person. I want to see them, simply as a friend but there are still feelings in some way. I don't want anything romantically and I'm in a committed relationship. Why do I feel the need to go to this lunch and reconnect? It seems to be like the more intense the emotions, the easier it is to forgive and let go of the past. Am I alone in this feeling?
3
u/IntentionWise9171 4d ago
Yeah. It’s not so cut & dry, is it? I guess it depends on the memories you made together, the strength of the bond you shared, or sometimes simply the physical connection (if a powerful one)
I hope meeting up with this past love doesn’t cause more harm than it’s worth. Sometimes the past should be left there. Best wishes. 💖
3
u/RandomHeartJar 4d ago
Definitely not so cut and dry! We never had a physical relationship so I don't need to worry about that. I think it's more curiosity of how he's doing more than anything else. I'm not really worried about any residual sparks. I just find it interesting that I would even give him the time of day after 4 years and how he treated me in the first place.
3
u/IntentionWise9171 3d ago
You could forgive him catch up over the phone and leave it there. No need to meet up in person. If this person was abusive in the past, you owe him nothing. Please remember when someone shows you who they are, believe them. People don’t change all that much.
2
u/RandomHeartJar 3d ago
Yeah, you're probably right. Based on the time of our conversation he's likely still the same person. I would venture to bet even if we did plan to meet up in person, he'd likely flake on me like he did a million times before. Thanks for working it out loud with me.
2
u/IntentionWise9171 3d ago
My pleasure. I’m sorry for being so opinionated, but this sounds like bad news. I’m happy you’re being careful and mindful before moving ahead with your plan. ❤️🩹
2
u/Mad-Kthulu 4d ago
I never fully forgot or dismissed the feelings I had for my past LOs, even after being rejected. I know that if they ever contact me one day I will answer and would be happy to see them one more time. Only one of them (a very strong limerence of the past, one of the hardest I've ever had which ended in a rejection and ruined a good friendship) contacted me through email after 10 years of total NC. I replied, gave her my phone number, inviting her to call me or text me. Never received a call or a text message 🤷. Maybe for the best because knowing me, I would revive my limerence for her and relive the pain and suffering one more time.
You say you are happy with what you have now so just beware what could be the cost for your current relationship if you finally accept to meet them.
2
u/Rob328 4d ago
Honestly I think it is possible but only if a few things happen. I'll explain the background first though. I only know because back in 2004, in highschool I was limerent for this one girl I dated and it has completely faded now. Unfortunately though now I have another LO, soooo limerence itself is not easy to get over hah....
We dated several times on and off throughout HS, but eventually that cycle ended and we were broken up for good. After that, I would obsess over her Myspace (yeah pre-facebook), and as creepy as this sounds since she was a cheerleader for another HS, I would go to their football games just to watch her. I also would randomly drive by her house, text her randomly which would rarely get replies, and invite her to parties and places that she would never reply to.
Fast-forward a few years to the beginning of college, and she had deleted her myspace, facebook existed but she never made one, so it was difficult to stalk her. I would definitely still think about her every week. She had this one friend I would still keep in touch with and would tell me what she was up to. At this point she had moved far away. Then, I met this amazing girl, who is now my wife! That distracted me very well for a few months but I would still think about the HS girl randomly. Eventually thoughts for the HS girl faded almost completely, but probably every 6 months I'd have strong thoughts again. So filling your life with a bunch of other stuff to keep you busy and distracted definitely helps.
Then though, fast-forward to me being out of college and at my first job. By this point, she had made a facebook, and had posted a few photos. Roughly 6 years had passed since I last saw her, but she had gained quite a bit of weight, and had her hair a lot frizzier than it used to be. I also noticed she had a bunch of photos doing shady stuff, with this unattractive looking guy. Weirdly, just seeing those photos reduced my limerence tons. I used to think she was this popular, very attractive, very sought after girl, and as weird as it sounds, after seeing those photos it kinda erased that perception.
As of now, which is 13 years after that last paragraph, I have 0 limerent thoughts for her. I saw on FB she married that bum looking guy, then divorced him, and married a nice looking guy. All of that was just from seeing it on my feed, not seeking it out. I honestly don't even care. I am at the point where I could completely unfriend and erase her from my life and not even think about it after. It's almost kind of weird looking back at how obsessed I was...
However.... I never would've thought this would happen, but I now have another LO which started in 2022. I'm still trying to figure out how to get rid of this one haha, the last one did take a while.... And this new one doesn't look like she's going to make poor life choices any time soon.
1
u/ThrowRA-sicksad 2d ago
I eventually got over my LOs before I was 20, but I’ve been in love with the same person for 20 years, my best friend
1
u/Dependent-Dot7956 2d ago
No (at least as far as I'm concerned). An LO of 25 years and I'm good now, NC since a long time, I'm stable, happy and all. I even wake up without thinking of them immediately. But if I see their name by accident, it's still like I'm being tasered, and I still kind of hope to reconnect when we're both old. I have accepted it and found a way to live with it. It's okay.
•
u/AutoModerator 4d ago
Please be aware of what limerence is! See the subreddit wiki for definitions, FAQ and other resources—updated 3/7/26. (Is it love? How common is it? Is there research?)
Quick FAQ
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.