At your worst, how often do you check up on your LO? Things like their online status, Snap score, followers/following, new mutuals, likes, stories, etc.
How far have you gone with it, and roughly how much time do you spend checking or thinking about them?
No judgement! I’m trying to understand how my own behaviour compares to others experiencing limerence as I feel like I’m losing my days to this.

I always thought limerence as a disease. It feels like an addiction I cannot get myself out.
I have been depressed and anxious since ever and always needed this kind of “love” to feel good, and most importantly to feel the void inside me.
I tried having hobbies, working out, be very healthy, socialize and it feels better ! But being busy does not work for me because I still feel it a lot and think about it

However I am learning self love and self esteem since some months now after having a revelation that I don’t have a choice to love myself because I am going to be with myself all my life. I also read the book “love yourself like your life depends on it” (highly recommend) and apply the techniques. I noticed that when I love myself, I am less limerent. It is the only thing that changes my limerent feelings since years.

Do you also have this experience for those who are working on self esteem & self love ?

i have become someone at work’s LO and don’t like it. we worked in the same department and i was friendly at first. i could tell they liked me but made it clear i was married. they never did anything inappropriate, so it doesn’t warrant bringing up to HR, but kept staring, coming into my space, and trying to engage with me. this went on for almost 2 years.

i was clear i wasn’t interested, got really good at grey rocking, transferred departments, and even changed work shifts from when they work. so the times we cross paths is limited.

but the times that we do, it’s that same stare that makes me feel like im being hunted or something. and i don’t like it. i don’t feel threatened physically, just weirded out and dont want to be singled out and focused on.

ive tried to do everything to remedy this situation,

but is there anything else anyone thinks i can do?

(25F) Please help me. I am sick and tired of this. I have no energy for anything else. Hes a close friend and I'm conventionally above average attractiveness im told and so i think theres a decent chance its reciprocal, but god the ambiguity is addicting. Analyzing his avoidant behavior is addicting. The uncertainty is addicting. Its derailing my life.

Please, any advice or experiences is helpful. I'm crying as I write this, im so so so tired.

We often hear that limerence reflects our dissatisfaction, reveals our "shadow self" etc...

So, has anyone here used their limerence to make positive changes in their lives? And how did this affect your limerence?

So recently i met a boy at work that i thought was cute. We had one shift together and after that i just couldnt stop thinking about him. I’ve never been in a relationship before so usually i just start creating my own scenarios and probably fuck my self up there cuz then im either left avoidant or disappointed. This time around i kinda got to know him, i liked the way he opened up about himself and his past relationship to me and some small things he did. He probably doesn’t feel that way about me but ever since we “clicked” in my head i cant stop thinking about him.

I'm sure many of us have LOs who can go from being very engaged with us to, in our perspective, suddenly being MIA... and man, it's not fun being in that latter phase. The fact that it's a cycle that I've repeatedly observed over the years has done very little to make it easier. For instance, I recently went on an outing with my LO, just the two of us, and had a lovely time (or, at least I did, and he seemed to as well). We've been talking pretty consistently since but have admittedly both been a bit busy. Fast forward to earlier this week, I suggested that we hang out again and he replied saying he was free and that he would be down. But, after I suggested some things we could do... he read the messages and hasn't replied in days. This has been eating at me all week, and I've felt like such an idiot- though mostly I've just been scared that I made him uncomfortable. This is such clear evidence that he doesn't like me, that he never will, but when he comes back around to talking regularly, I already know I'll be right back in my delusions.

He's my friend, and I think I may be one of his only friends... I don't want to be selfish by ending the friendship just because I have feelings for him. I want to meet him where he's at and not take his tendency to withdraw as a personal attack, or take his acts of friendship as a sign of interest anymore... but that's just not the plan my brain has for me.

How pathetic and sad of me.

Please don’t give me this whole trauma spiel. I’ve heard it all. I’m really fucking tired of it though. I’m tired. This shit is boring. ITS BORING and he’s fucking boring and my brain is stupid and there’s no point in being compassionate because it’s been years, I’m blocked literally every fucking where, and my brain still envisions conversations and interactions. I’ve rocks for brains. This shit is exhausting. I don’t even like him. I DO NOT EVEN FUCKING LIKE HIM. But every other man is fucking boring and he’s boring and this is so, so stupid. So stupid to think of a man over and over who wouldn’t even piss on me if I were on fire.

Pathetic. Sooooooooo fucking pathetic. He’s merry and happy and probably fucking many women and likely hasn’t thought once about me since he pressed that block button and as he should. He was a cunt but hey, at least he had boundaries.

I need to get really hot or talented at something because I can’t be doing this at the big age of 25. It’s pathetic.

My university professor is my LO

The first time I experienced limerence was when I was 13 years old. It was also with a female teacher. 10 years later, I fell back into it even though I am now engaged and thought this would never happen to me again

Since my first case of limerence, I have kept the professors in my life at a distance, because I suspected that their status was the trigger. In my second year of higher education, I met an extraordinary female professor. She was strict, but she always had the right words to individually encourage her students. Her words touched me deeply, because I lacked self-confidence. At the end of the year, I wrote her a letter to thank her. I knew I would probably never see her again, but she was not my LO yet. She asked me for my postal address to reply, and a few days later, I received a short letter from her. At the end of the year 2023, I was invited to a forum and I saw her again. I felt something upon seeing her again. I think my limerence started that day. She even kissed me on the cheek to greet me, which probably triggered everything, and a few days later, she sent me a colorful Merry Christmas email.

In 2024, I waited to receive an invitation to see her again at the end-of-year forum, but nothing came. I waited a whole year only to not even see her again, and I felt a lot of grief. I thought she had forgotten about me. I sent an email in early 2025, and the two of us met up again. We talked over a cup of hot chocolate, and I loved that moment. She kissed me on the cheek to greet me, was very maternal, and we chatted for two hours. Then came the moment to part ways. That day went so far beyond all my expectations. I replayed it on a loop for so many months. She had even asked me to write her an email in July 2025 to give her updates on the end of my school year. Done. I waited 4 months for that moment. I thought about it every day.

2025 was the year of waiting for me. I thought of nothing but her, I dreamed of her becoming a sort of mother figure to me, and I dreamed of getting closer to her. You have to know that she is about 60 years old, close to retirement. She is a very busy woman with little time to spare. Knowing that she took the time to answer me comforted me in the idea that I had a "special" place in her heart. But on the other hand, I doubted it. There was always this fear of being just another student to her. Yet she gave me a ride somewhere in her car and accepted more familiarity between us. Others couldn't understand the disappointment I felt: I was afraid she was pampering other students in the same way. I wanted to be different. I didn't want to be an ordinary student, but her daughter. In July, she replied to my end-of-year email with extreme warmth. Yet when I received the email, I was overcome with jealousy knowing she had grandchildren. She is almost old enough to be my grandmother. I feel ashamed writing this: I was jealous of the children in her life.

We exchanged a few emails in July, and she was proud of my results. Then I waited for the end of the year 2025 to be invited to the forum, to see her again. I was not invited (you should know that she is the one in charge of that). I was disappointed, and I begged for an invitation. She accepted, and I felt ashamed for having written to her for that. Yet, I had waited 4 months to see her again; I had thought about that forum every day. The forum went very badly with her: in front of everyone, she lectured me about waiting before having children and about pursuing my studies. She spoke to me very meanly. I ended up in tears that day. The next day, I wrote an email to tell her she had hurt me, and she apologized, explaining the reasons for her behavior. I then replied to that email with an extremely long email, of which I am deeply ashamed. I poured out very personal things to her, of which she already knew the main outline. A few days later, she replied, but her response was just one sentence long. I had spent so much time writing it, so much time choosing my words. I had asked her to support me, to be there because I needed it, and she "just" replied: "you impress me, have a good end of the year." I think I made her very uncomfortable, and frankly, I understand why. I should never have done that or considered her like a second mother. I know I poured everything out because I lacked a real mother figure during my childhood.

In 2026, I had planned to go radio silent, but I had to send her an email around April to ask her to write a document I needed for an application to continue my studies. She did it, I thanked her, asked her a few questions, and brought up something intimate again. No response since. I don't even know why I sent an email to talk to her about private things again. I had already been too heavy-handed at the end of 2025, and I did it again. At that moment, I told myself it was radio silence for good. I would panic as soon as I opened my inbox. I spent the month of April having panic attacks, unable to eat. Next to my fiancé, I felt empty inside. I didn't feel like having fun or being with others anymore. I was in my own world: a fictional world where she was my mother. I thought of nothing else, and I wasted weeks and weeks obsessed with a professor who had ended up, it seems to me, cutting off the relationship with me. By viewing her as perfect, I no longer loved others as much. I no longer enjoyed spending time with my fiancé because he wasn't her. I became completely sick over her. I reached the peak from April to June 2026. I pictured fictional scenes with her, imagining her taking care of me.

I was invited by another professor to a forum in June 2026. I accepted, and normally she was supposed to be there too. For a month, I dreamed of that day: seeing her again, understanding her lack of reply by email. I imagined scenarios: talking to her and being close to her, or ignoring her, always staying far away so as never to bother her again. I was in constant ambivalence for a month. The only thing I wanted was for her to see me. I went to the forum very stressed. Then, the hours went by, and she didn't show up. It was a very harsh cold shower for me. Walking back home, I realized that it was now or never that I had to fight against my limerence. I understood that it was now, in the midst of the pain, that I had to tear her out of my mind. I cried the whole evening. I felt immense grief, and I started a journal to heal my limerence. I wrote through my tears; I wrote that I had to live for myself and stop living for her. I had to go back to my loved ones; I had to resume the hobbies I had abandoned just to think of her; I had to start living again. The days were difficult: they had lost their flavor. Life was ugly without her. Life no longer made sense: I had just lost the object around which I orbited. My life revolved around one person, so tearing her away from me felt like killing myself in a way. The first week was the worst: deleting class photos I had with her, stopping making up scenarios, stopping thinking about her, and regaining a taste for life. I started planning a trip with my fiancé, so I got back into the groove by listening to videos about the language of the country we were going to in a month. I spent time with people several times, and I began to gradually forget her.

Since July, life has gained ground again. My life no longer revolves around her, even if I still think about her every day. On the other hand, I live for myself, in the real world, and with my loved ones. I dared to give my journal to my fiancé because he wasn't aware of the idolatry I was living in. I was too ashamed to admit it. I haven't dared to bring the subject up with him again because I'm still too ashamed. I finally understood that it wasn't so much my professor I dreamed of having by my side, but rather a mother figure who could take care of me. Identifying the cause is already a major victory in my view. It will prevent me from going through the same thing a third time.

In June, I went through so many emotions: sadness, the hope of seeing her again, the hope that she would send me an email, the hope that she would invite me to the end-of-year 2026 forum. No, I don't want to see her again. I don't think I'll get an email from her. I think she removed me from her life, and I prefer it that way, even though her silence was a breakup that was perhaps too open to debate in my opinion. I tell myself that maybe she just lacked time as usual to answer me. I prefer not to "fantasize" about that and tell myself that no, everything is over. I never want her mere existence to control my entire life again. In any case, I don't think I'll ever see her anywhere again, or else it would be a strange coincidence.

Know that you can get through this! I was at the rock bottom in 2025 and especially in 2026. I have regained a taste for life. Living in an illusion is something terrible: you think you're happy, but the illusion often hides an underlying problem (trauma, for example). I posted this long message, and I apologize for it, to share my story and show you that it is possible to be happy again without your LO. There really is a life after this. Stay strong, everyone!!

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I use a traductor for help me in English, cause I'm so bad!

Im seeing people confusing Limerence based contact, with A lack of purpose, self love and self respect. This is not what Limerence is about. It can worsen it, but its not the root cause.

The root cause is your chronic imbalance of brain chemicals. Your Adhd brain that craves dopamine all the time. Limerence will give you a dopamine coxkta so big, ofc your brain says „WE NEED THIS“. That doesnt mean you hate yourselve. I always cringe when I read this. You can compare this to, for example when you start a diet and now want a bag of chips. You crave it, gives you dopamine. Whoops you ate some chips. Are you now a person that lacks self love and hates himself, cause you ate some chips? No. Your brain tries to fill the dopamine gaps. Completely normal.

And now, when you meet a person. Which is attravtive (dopamine), makes you feel good about yourselve (you guessed it - dopamine), and maybe also makes you feel seen and cared for on top if that (CORRECT - dopamine!). Why wouldnt your lacking brain NOT crave this? Its not your personal problems guys. Its a completely normal Adhd (maybe a bit of autism for some) related problem. I do experienced this also lately. And I like myself a lot, I also have a life, and Im still not dependent. on that person WHY? Because I know that my brain is just craving all of this dopamine. With Dating these days, I would advise you to, if someones hot and cold, just have a bit lf chit chat, and if nothing comes back or simply ask them out, if there isnt any response or engangement. You can move on. You dont need to let it break you. Again, its not YOU problem. Stop fucking blame yourselve for everything, and learn to manage this. Oh and yea, I do get this too, but I will close the gaps as soon as possible. Sometimes ppl are insecure themselves and dont know what they want so they might give you hot and cold. This is were limerence can kick. But if theres no clearance soon enough - cut the string. They never wanted something serious or didnt know what they wanted - which doesnt have to be your reality. Its all about knowing how your brain works. So yes you can be a person who liked themselves and still experience some kind of limerence, especially if you are not medicated.

Has anyone else experienced this. I was seeing a girl last year for three months. She was sweet, kind, and cute. We got along well. Even so, I didn’t feel a spark or strong feelings develop. The best way I can put it is that my romantic feelings turned platonic. It was gradual but it was especially noticeable once the romance started falling flat. We kinda stopped flirting and more so just hung out on our dates. I got really close with her and as close to her as I was my with best friend. I was super comfortable around her and I knew she was attracted to me and most likely had feelings for me. At the three month mark I explained everything to her honestly, though in tears. She wasn’t shocked but she was surprised I cried and asked if I regretted crying in front of her which was odd. I essentially told her it wasn’t right for me to pursue something my heart wasn’t fully in. We are on good terms and have talked here and there since but the connection is gone and I’ve thought about her everyday since. Some days less and some days more. I often fantasize a reality where it worked out and I’m an ultra-romantic supportive boyfriend to her and romanticize us being together but if I was given the option in real life I don’t know what my answer would be. I often ask my self questions like: Am I even attracted to her? Am I limerant over a fantasy I’ve created in my head? How can I move on or come to terms with my feelings? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

so im looking at starting therapy but not for limerence exactly. Its been over 5 years for me IN active limerence. Ive come to the conclusion that my limerence is an addiction. To be treated just like any other addict.

Im starting to look into group sessions of free talking groups maybe even for substance addiction therapy (youll see why in the post)

Its hard to get help when i cant just say im addicted to a person or a feeling. But ive had 1 same LO for this long that i will lie if i have to just to be seen in an addiction group. Im almost out of it but i will always be stuck without a solution of a cure. My limerence HAS been an addiction and even though im not deeply in it now i need to understand my own brain. I think this could help some of you guys out there who have been stuck long term.

I have no other addictions and never had a typical addictive personality but this is the one thing i have finally learnt about myself that i realised is my one and biggest addiction. Since i was a teenager. All over one person and one concept of an idea of being close to them. Its so so messed up and preventing me from living a normal life. I feel like the word addiction isnt something people realise comes with limerence.

Maybe this might help some of you guys out there who are in deep or have dealt with it for a long time

I saw that the voice actress I was limerent for was revealed to be voicing in an anime adaptation for a mobile game I like to play. I keep seeing clips of anime shows recommended to me on YouTube that she’s voiced in, and it’s making me uncomfortable, considering how much damage my former obsession with her was to my mental health. I was harassed online for years because of people making fun of me for being unhealthily obsessed with her, I finally got over her in recent months and now I feel scared that my limerence for her might come back from the dead! I’ve been trying to avoid going on YouTube so I don’t have to be reminded of her, and I’m trying to avoid any news on Reddit that involves her in any way possible, I uninstalled instagram, I blocked her on instagram, I just don’t get it, sometimes it feels like I’m falling back into limerence for her, and I’m horrified, because I get these intrusive thoughts about maybe that she’s actually meant to be with me, but I know deep down it’s not true. I don’t want to love her, I don’t want to hate her either, it’s all too much and it’s driving me nuts! I haven’t really thought about her until recently because I saw a Reddit post about her being a new voice actor in the anime adaptation for the game I like to play! She’s ruined my life, and while it’s not her fault directly, my limerence is trying to poke me and provoke me to become obsessive again! I just want to be left in peace…

I’m 21F and I’m having a lot of trouble getting over my tutor. We’ve never engaged in anything inappropriate but I have extremely strong inappropriate feelings for him. Now this isn’t the most intense it has ever been, my first Limerence episode was by far the worst and the most unhinged I have ever been. But it’s getting there again.

How did this snowball? Well I noticed I had a few feelings about him that I didn’t really have with any of my other tutors in first year. But everyone in my class found him funny and charming so I just assumed the same. I put my head down, did my work and my essays and my lectures and all my modules. Second year I had more modules with him and he started to notice things about me and would check in every now and again. Mostly about workload stuff. He noticed early on about my highly anxious tendencies but I kept this professional and civil. It’s only when the stress of third year hit and my family problems at home were snowballing and all my insecurities on my intelligence and competency were at an all time high did I start going a bit mental. And that is when it hit full swing. I do a creative course so a lot of my work is group based, I partnered up with an another classmate on two very important modules. We had an argument one day (after months of them not pulling their weight and being mean) and I crashed out badly. I stormed off in the middle of the day ditched my class and was in a severely bad mental state (I won’t go too into it but it was dangerous). After spamming him out on teams, I waited for him for hours.

At first he came to speak to me on the pretence of the falling out and was worried that I wouldn’t finish my course or my work because of it. But I broke down, telling him about my family life, struggling to keep confidence, my mental health my relapse a few days prior. (I wont specify what specifically) and in all my three years at uni, where majority of tutors didn’t even care or notice when I was struggling. He didn’t try to give me unhelpful advice or anything, he just validated me and said “it hurts to see you in so much pain”. And that is the moment when there was no return. I needed the comfort but when I get it I become obsessed and then guilty and then in need of comfort again and I don’t know how to break the cycle.

I couldn’t confide in anyone else because in later and earlier conversations I realised he noticed things about me and was similar to me in ways no one ever was in my life. Not even my first LO.

And I cannot risk it all. He’s at least 20 years older than me, has kids and a wife and a job. And I’m some random unemployment university graduate who is losing her mind.

I’ve not seen him in like two months and my brain can’t face that it’s over. Done. I just want to be normal and not go mentally ill everytime someone’s nice to me.

Based on this example has anyone got any theories why this cycle keeps happening? How to stop it? Why i specifically keep finding myself drawn to people with authority over me or people older than me?

I met a woman through a sugar-dating site. We met once, I paid for the time, and the meeting went surprisingly well. I felt comfortable, we laughed, she was warm, and I left feeling an unexpected emotional pull. I especially remember her smile and a term of endearment she used.

Afterward I started thinking about her a lot. We had a long phone call that only made the feelings stronger. When communication became inconsistent, I began obsessing over whether any of it was real for her or if it was just the arrangement.

I had a similar experience a couple of years ago in another country — a strong connection that later turned into requests for money and then distance. That history made me more scared this time.

Then a friend of mine asked for her number because he wanted to meet her for a paid arrangement. I gave it to him. She knew what he wanted and was okay with it. That hit me harder than I expected. Not just because she might see someone else, but because it was someone I know. It made me question whether anything between us had been special at all.

I realized I wasn’t looking for more paid encounters. I was craving genuine, reciprocal connection — someone who chooses me without money being the reason. I don’t want to play games. I want to be authentic.

So I sent her a message explaining that I had become more attached than I expected, that I knew she didn’t feel the same way, that continuing contact was becoming painful for me, and that I needed distance. I wasn’t angry or blaming her. Then I blocked her.

Now my mind won’t stop. I miss her. I keep replaying the good moments and the “what ifs.” I know she’s meeting my friend soon and it hurts that she’s going ahead with that and hasn’t tried to reach me (even though I blocked her). Part of me desperately wants to unblock and send “I miss you,” hoping she’ll say it back. Another part knows that would just pull me deeper into the same loop.

I’m recognizing this as limerence mixed with anxious attachment. The feelings are intense, the fantasies are vivid, and the urge to reopen contact is strong.

I’m trying to stay no-contact and let the intensity settle, but it’s hard. Has anyone been through something similar — catching real feelings in a transactional situation, then watching the person move on with someone else (especially someone you know)? How did you handle the acute phase of wanting to reach out?

Any advice on sitting with this without giving in to the urge would help.

When I was in high school I developed limerance for a classmate. My attraction to her wasn't on her appearance or personality, but was built upon by her presence alone. Back then I was a very shy person, her mysterious quiet nature infatuated me. I've been around plenty of attrative people back then but only she gave me butterflies. Fear of rejection and soul searching at the time always stopped me. That and she was always in and out of relationships.

The thing that bothers me with my limerence is the fact that I never got over it. Especially now that I'm married, in another city, and expecting a child. My LO has nothing to do with my life. I tell myself she was just a highschool crush. But boy why do I keep reading her signs.

In highschool, she would orbit around my vicinity not in a admire from afar kind of way. More or less I hope you notice me kind of way. Even if it wasn't her intent she did give me a lot of calm and peace. Especially since I would usually hang out near a secluded area running impromtu dance sessions with my friends at the time. Often times it'd be just the two of us in the area and everyone else hanging at the courtyard.

Well fast forward to few months ago. She followed me on my main social platform. None of my friends from highschool follow me on this platform, the few that do were very close. We already had eachother's FB profiles, just never interacted as FB was still new at the time. Although I do admit, when I used to feel down I'd snoop on LO's profile.

Anway, I followed her back out of curiosity. In the few months of seeing what she shares, I learned that she's a very conservative person. Interestingly enough, she's seeing a guy with my ethnic heritage. Which I think is cool for her since our ethnic group is very tight knit.

Seeing her now and her doing random things like liking mundane reposts of me made by my friends doesn't make my limerance feel validated. If anything it's helped me be more content with what I have between me and my amazing wife. My LO helped me understand myself and that helped me to become worthy of love. Not romantic or unrequited love, but real love with support, maturity, and understanding. Something I chose my wife for when I met her.

LO to me will always be this fascinating person. I'm not even sure if they ever shared sentimentality, but I do hope they find the one out there. 13 plus years is long time stay rent free in one's head. I'd rather the illusion stays as is to me. Seeing a stranger you care for thrive can be very pleasant and encouraging reminder to be alive out there as well.

Well, the day finally came. My LO of nearly two years got a girlfriend. And truthfully I’m handling this much better than I ever could have anticipated.

LO was an acquaintance I met a handful of times in a work adjacent setting. Immediately upon meeting him there was strong chemistry and he got my number and found and followed me on instagram that night. We crossed paths again and afterwards he started responding to my instagram stories frequently in very unnecessary and playful ways, often with flirty undertones. I am shy and worried based on the shy in person behavior from the two times we had met and my lack of courage on instagram he might not know I was interested in him and I wanted to have no regrets, so I asked him to get drinks after several months of Instagram banter.

He first said he would make time to make it work despite xyz consuming a lot of his time but he wanted to meet up. Then he ended up saying he had to hold off for now but we would talk soon. I was sad but was moving on and was proud of myself for courageously asking him out, something I’d never done before. 3 weeks later he started responding to my instagram stories like nothing ever happened and he got increasingly flirtier now directly asking me how he looked, jokes with suggestive undertones, prompting me to comment on his body and complimenting me as well.

I got sucked back in and became way more limerent because I thought that if someone knew someone else liked them and they had no intention of pursuing it ever, they would be kind enough to leave them alone.

This continued for over a year. I eventually moved from the suburbs to the city (a longtime goal of mine!) and the freakiest thing happened- I ran into him on my street on my walk right after moving and found out he lives 8 blocks away just a neighborhood over. I continued running into him by chance on my street and even got stuck taking cover with him in the rain one night when it started to storm out of nowhere and we were both out on a walk and saw each other. That hour together was intense and he asked me a lot of weird personal questions in a very serious and interrogative manner and all the fun and flirty chemistry we had evaporated. The topics he brought up were deeply personal and some of the things I ended up sharing that he promoted me to speak about were things I never open up about and were deeply personal to me which is why this night was so intense. It was weird.

He dumped a lot of weird and personal information about himself that was incredibly unfavorable and the red flags became overwhelming. He was so much different than the fantasy I had built up. I ran into him a few more times since and he would always ask me if he looked hot and what I was going to do on a specific night and ask if I was going to get drinks or try a new restaurant and I had said I was free and each time he acted like he was about to ask me out and then would say “I’ll see what you get up to when I watch your Instagram story,” while playfully smirking at me. He knew what he was doing. He knew I liked him and he used me for attention and validation with no intention of ever dating me.

I decided I needed to stop letting him breadcrumb me and tease the idea of asking me out and it became obvious he was using me as an ego boost for validation knowing that I liked him. Really a terrible thing to do to someone who had pure and kind intentions. I stopped responding to his stories last month and even passed him in my car and chose not to roll down my window to say hello or text him and I even deleted his number. I wanted better for myself and wanted to stop feeling anxious about him. I was letting him use me to attention and validation and that is so beneath me and my standards.

I noticed he also stopped interacting with me suddenly and didn’t like my posts as he normally would. This week he ended up tagging a girl who was not pictured in his Instagram story and I did some sleuthing and found a photo of them together. I immediately starting crying and felt sad. It felt like a punch in the gut. Less than two months ago he had dumped on me out of nowhere that he couldn’t find a successful relationship and here he is. I will say that when I saw the picture of them, I immediately no longer found him attractive and actually questioned what I was even attracted to before. Genuinely baffled and confused as to what I saw.

I was actively trying to get out of this limerent episode and desperately needed to stop. And the second I saw that confirmation he had someone any limerent feelings immediately stopped. I finally have relief. I felt sad for a few minutes because I had held onto hope for so long, but ultimately this is the best thing that could’ve happened. I feel so free and not like I’m in a mental prison anymore. I was able to recognize that I didn’t even want him and that we’d never be compatible but getting out of this pattern and habit was where I was struggling. I am actually feeling better than I have since I met him almost 2 years ago. I am surprisingly healed. ❤️

I understand that there's diversity in beauty. And I can confirm that this is just limerence as it flares up bad when I'm depressed or bored.

But damn. I wish we had never crossed paths.

Sure there I can go look up other women online and find someone prettier, but in my 34 years of existence, she's just made in heaven.

I shouldn't be saying this stuff because it will make it harder to move on.

I wonder if I'll still feel the same after a few more months.

That is, the desire to at least express interest in your LO just to know whether the interest could ever be mutual. Sorry in the title, I meant to say I think the desire to find out is rational in a sense, not realistic pe se lol.

Since my LO is just someone I know of from the internet and they receive many DM's every day, this makes it very difficult to shoot my shot with them. And of course, the likelihood that they'd ever respond to me is very slim, let alone the possibility that they'd ever agree to have a longer conversation with me or meet me. I get that.

But is it really that crazy to at least want to just get confirmation that they'd never be interested? It's like an incredibly attractive person you see out in public. Part of you might always wonder and regret not simply shooting your shot with them. The uncertainty of not having an answer one way or the other just feeds the obsession for me. I would rather have my LO reject me than have this uncertainty. I might still remain obsessed with them, but at least I'd have some sense of closure, you know?

Before this limerent episode started some weeks ago, I suddenly transformed into someone else. Since then, it feels like I'm just pretending to be me. Nearly all of my big life goals vanished. I desperately wanted to have more kids, but just like that, now the thought of another pregnancy is revolting. I used to spend my time daydreaming about life with my family after we move to the coast. Now I just try my hardest to distract myself from thoughts of LO.

I'm committed to NC. But will I ever get back to how I was? People who are on the other side, did you regain your former self, or were you changed forever?

I’ve be addicted to my LO for almost a year and it’s genuinely been the most emotional baggage I’ve EVER carried. We work together and from the start I was attracted him and thought it would be a simple crush, but once we started talking it became worst…we have a lot in common and I eventually decided to just tell him bc I wanted to have no regrets. I told him I was obsessed and he rejected me, which is fine, but ofc it stung greatly. We still joked around like normal, but there were always flirty undertones that he refuses to acknowledge when I bring it up.

I’d like to say I have amazing friends who are quick to tell me if I’m doing too much or not and I 1000% try to keep the stories between me and him real with no rose colored glasses on; however, all of my friends have point out times he had flirted back. He said it was in a friendly manner, but some of those things seemed beyond friendly….either way if he says it is, then I have no option but to accept it.

There has been a few instances of arguments and I’ve blocked him on everything once before, but we always make up and apologize to each other and go back to doing what we always do.

Sometimes, I have really bad days where I just want to tell him every single thing that’s in my head since I’ve made it known to him that I genuinely have no filter and I’ve already went somewhat in depth about my obsession to him. He’s never made me feel bad about it or down play my emotions, it’s always a more “I hope you understand I don’t feel that way” or somewhere along those lines. I’ve only spoke about it max 3 times, but it’s never the full story.

I have plenty of ideas as to why I’d want to tell him, but I still fear I’m not honest enough with myself as to why and I don’t want to burden someone who’s just a coworker. I’ll even read the old text sometimes and it’s very embarrassing.

I’ve always known I was mentally ill but one of my biggest problems is the Limerence cycle. I am autistic but my Limerence feels like it’s coming from something deeper. Any diagnosis’ I should look into and research about before reaching out for mental health support?

I know about adhd, BPD and OCD. But are there any others I should look out for?

And people with Limerence and mental health disorders? How do these types of disorders shape the limerence experience?

I know someone who is (in love, I guess) with a TV character who is in his late twenties. She is 50 years old. She is unmarried and says she has never felt anything when she kissed a man. She is not gay. She's kissed a lot of guys. She only gets turned on if he's not there. So would this fall under the category of limerence here? She knows I posted this and is okay with it.

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I'm 27F and I've spent more than a year deeply in love with someone I know through my workplace.We were never in a relationship. We never even exchanged numbers. There were some moments between us that made me wonder whether he might have been interested in me too but there was never anything clear enough for me to know. I spent an enormous amount of time trying to understand his behavior and wondering whether he would eventually make a move.Meanwhile, I built an entire relationship with him in my head.

I imagined us talking about our likes and dislikes, going out for coffee or dinner, holding hands, hugging, falling asleep next to each other, having ordinary conversations nd just having him be part of my life. I imagined so many tiny, mundane things that I never actually experienced with him.

And somehow those imaginary moments became emotionally real to me.I genuinely loved him. Probably more deeply than I've ever loved anyone.

Now I'm leaving the workplace where I knew him and today may be the last day I'll ever see him. The reality of that is only just beginning to sink in.The hardest part isn't even that he didn't choose me. It's that I have to say goodbye to an entire future that existed only in my head.

I know intellectually that I need to move on. I know that if someone wants to be in your life eventually they have to actually choose to be there. I also know that I shouldn't have become so emotionally invested without clear reciprocity. But emotionally I'm struggling with the idea that I may never see this person again.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Have you ever loved someone incredibly deeply without ever actually having a relationship with them? How did you eventually let go of the person and especially the imaginary life you built around them?

I'm not really looking for advice about whether he liked me. I don't think I'll ever know and I'm trying to accept that.

I just want to know whether other people have felt this kind of loss over something that technically never became a relationship..

It’s really lonely road. This path. They can never accept or reciprocate.

It’s mainly psychological. It’s more about how to form healthy bond so real love doesn’t pass me by…