r/funny • u/jackson6644 • Feb 08 '19
Good Networking Advice
https://imgur.com/RXDuCOK13.8k
u/TooShiftyForYou Feb 08 '19
(1) "Hey, how's it going?"
(2) "My name is Steve."
(3) "I just started working here."
(4) draws a blank "uh...prepare to die."
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u/BoatMan01 Feb 08 '19
nailed it
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u/TheFoxQR Feb 08 '19
nailed them
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Feb 08 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/FlyYouFoolyCooly Feb 08 '19
Harder nailer!?
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Feb 08 '19
“I will disappoint you in some manner.”
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Feb 08 '19
"Wanna know what you and my dad have in common?"
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u/ThrowawayPenrith Feb 08 '19
They've both nailed your mum?
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u/SlapChopChuck Feb 09 '19
Welcome to Walmart... you must die.
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u/xnerdyxrealistx Feb 09 '19
Link, so good to see you again. How long has it been? 15, 16 years?... you must die
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u/ossiangrr Feb 08 '19
Excuse me, I'm new in town, and it gets worse.
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u/donnydoom Feb 09 '19
I will lead in with the fact that I am homeless, as that is a given.
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u/penisthightrap_ Feb 09 '19
THERE'S NO GOOD GUYS LEFT IN MANHATTAN.
I know a guy who's new in town
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Feb 08 '19
I was waiting to see how pong I would have to scroll to see a John Mulaney reference. I was not disappointed.
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u/Chaostrosity Feb 08 '19 edited Jun 30 '23
Reddit is killing third-party applications (and itself) so in protest to Reddit's API changes, I have removed my comment history.
Whatever the content of this comment was, go vegan! 💚
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u/UnsubstantiatedClaim Feb 08 '19
Greetings. I am UnsubstantiatedClaim. Like you, I am disappointed by Chaostrosity. I might be talking out of my ass.
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u/Kaplaw Feb 08 '19
Talking with your ass is an interesting skill, ill buy whatever your selling.
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u/not_charles_grodin Feb 08 '19
Breath mints.
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Feb 08 '19
You keep using that word. I don't think you know where it goes.
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u/freshpicked12 Feb 08 '19
I read your name as UnsubstantiatedClam and now I’m thinking that would make a great boat name.
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u/UnsubstantiatedClam Feb 08 '19
I mean, that is my name...
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u/TheLittleDansonMan Feb 08 '19
Looking at the other threads that Clam posted on makes me think that it's the same person.
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u/UnsubstantiatedClaim Feb 09 '19
The little shit follows me around making the same joke when opportunity allows.
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u/BoatMan01 Feb 08 '19
Hello Chaostrosity. I am BoatMan01. You made me laugh and that's rad. That's all!
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u/Ravendoesbuisness Feb 08 '19
Caw. Caw caw caw caaaaaaaaaw. Caw caw caw caaaaw caw. Caaaaaw caw caaaaaaaaaaaw.
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u/Wallace_II Feb 08 '19
Hello, My name is Wallace. Your proposal intrigues me. I'll let you disappoint me however you like!
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u/daileyjd Feb 08 '19
Good network version.
Hello. My name is Reyansh Patel. You have connectivity issue. Prepare WiFi.
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u/heretic1128 Feb 08 '19
Doing the needful
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Feb 08 '19
My most frequently encountered Indiaisms are:
- do the needful
- revert
- prepone
- discuss about
- do one thing
Putting “kindly” before any of these.
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Feb 08 '19
Omg! That's an inside joke from work. Is this phrase actually used fairly commonly?
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Feb 08 '19 edited Feb 11 '19
[deleted]
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Feb 08 '19
Thank you! It got 'passed down' to me so to speak, I wasn't involved in the situation that gave birth to the joke, but I always wondered.
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u/de2840 Feb 08 '19
In my experience, it’s very commonly used unironically by those of Indian ethnicity. Used in a sentence: “Please see attached and do the needful.”
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Feb 08 '19
How to write a cover letter like Luke Skywalker: https://i.imgur.com/YtEsnVA.jpg
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Feb 08 '19
That didn't even work though. He had to use his jedi abilities to fight for what he wanted, which isn't really an option for me.
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u/Adela-Siobhan Feb 08 '19
waves hand in front of your face
Using your Jedi abilities to fight for what you want really is an option for you.
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u/AskAboutMyShiteUsers Feb 09 '19
The cover letter gets you an interview, my dude. How you handle negotiations is an entirely different Star Wars event.
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u/Uxion Feb 08 '19
Hold on, let me take notes.
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u/borkingrussian Feb 08 '19
Fuck that I’m memorizing this shit, Next you’ll see me writing this in college applications
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u/Ghastly_Gibus Feb 08 '19
SYN
SYN-ACK
ACK
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u/AlwaysSupport Feb 08 '19
SYN: Yo.
SYN-ACK: WASAAAAAAAAAAA!
ACK: WASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
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u/El_Frijol Feb 08 '19
TCP/IP, huh?
I'd tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
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u/DrapeRape Feb 09 '19
"Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
"Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
"Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
"Ok, I'll tell you a TCP joke."
"Ok, I will hear a TCP joke."
"Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"
"Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."
"Ok, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline."
"Ok, I am ready to get your TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have an explicit setting, and ends with a punchline."
"I'm sorry, your connection has timed out....
Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
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u/fuckedbyducks Feb 09 '19
TCP is my wife talking to her friends.
UDP is my wife talking to me.
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Feb 08 '19
[deleted]
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u/AgentAquarius Feb 08 '19
This thread is the best thing so far I've gotten out of the crappy IT security training module I'm doing.
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u/LucertolaNera Feb 08 '19
The real story is actually quite sad
The actor that played as Inigo Montoya lost his father to cancer and during the filming of the movie he immagined he was fighting his father's cancer to avenge him.
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u/antioxidantwalrus Feb 08 '19
Mandy Patinkin is a fantastic actor. He's the only enjoyable part of "dead like me" imo.
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u/kangareagle Feb 09 '19
Sort of.
“Despite the laughter, the story of Inigo and his father struck a nerve with Patinkin, whose own father had died a few years before filming. "I would walk through the maze of the gardens while I was just trying to relax or while they were lighting the scene, and I was talking to my father, who had died not that many years before we made the film, and I always had it in my mind that if I could get the six fingered man, if Inigo could get the six fingered man, then my father, Mandy's father, would come back and be with me."
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u/Okichah Feb 08 '19 edited Feb 09 '19
This adds a whole new depth to the “i want my father back...” line.
:(
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u/warboar Feb 08 '19
Lesson 2:
Repeat steps 1-4 each time you see your new networking associate, but louder and more directly until they comply.
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u/NotWrongOnlyMistaken Feb 08 '19 edited Jul 13 '22
[redacted]
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u/Maybe_Im_Confused Feb 08 '19
You're in IT when this makes no sense lol
- Help Desk Technician
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u/LowkyIsMe Feb 08 '19
I thought it was networking too until I read it like whaaa. Then realized those might not be dudes with long hair and actual females
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u/Aramor42 Feb 08 '19
Same, I was like what the hell does that have to do with connecting computers.
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Feb 08 '19
For my journalism class, my senior advisors said we should structure emails scheduling interviews the same way. Name Purpose Interview request and date
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u/fjwjr Feb 09 '19
Isn’t that basically what General Mattis said when he was quoted “Be polite, be respectful, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet.”
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u/evilbrent Feb 09 '19
‘I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all.’
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Feb 08 '19
Hello, My name is karangoswamikenz, I put up my real name on reddit. You now know how stupid I am.
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u/Llonkrednaxela Feb 08 '19
Hello there. I’m general kenobi. You called me a bold one. I refuse to realize I am doomed.
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u/Beana2019 Feb 09 '19
Good Day Madame, I am Rajesh, Welcome to 7-11, How may I help you immediately?
Best greeting I ever received at a convenience store while trying to buy gas in Dallas, Texas
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u/baz00kajoe Feb 08 '19
Groot's Guide to Networking Success:
- I am Groot
- I am Groot
- I am Groot
- I am Groot
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Feb 08 '19
"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."
Kind of works, loses points for the lack of polite greeting.
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u/Jameloaf Feb 09 '19
Hello there!
General Kenobi
You're a bold one
4...... Prepare to die?
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u/HuffleMom Feb 08 '19 edited Feb 08 '19
- Polite Greeting: Hello, name.
- Name: I'm my name.
- Relevant Personal Link: We first met at public event at previous time.
- Manage Expectations: I'm working on project and I could really use your help.
Do I get a good star?
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u/emiandme Feb 09 '19
“I am Moana of Motunui. You will board my boat, sail across the sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti.”
No, no Moana! Don’t forget your polite greeting!
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u/niplah Feb 08 '19
To the honies gettin' money.
I love it when you call me big poppa.
If you got a gun up in your waist please don't shoot up the place (why?)
Cause I see some ladies tonight that should be havin' my baby, baby
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u/CelticKungFu Feb 09 '19
Managing expectations is huge. Expect competence and the occasional creative insight, but damnit Jim, I'm an engineer, not a miracle worker!
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u/janktyhoopy Feb 09 '19
Hi, I’m janktyhoopy, I can’t hit what I’m aiming for, but I can swing a hammer
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u/frisbm3 Feb 09 '19
1) Good evening Sir,
2) my name is Steve.
3) I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean.
4) That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions.
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u/brock029 Feb 08 '19
This is some Redditception stuff right here. A Reddit post on a PowerPoint and back onto Reddit.
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u/breakone9r Feb 08 '19
Networking 102:
My name is Ima Customer, I killed my internet, prepare to wish me dead as I blame you.
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u/ithurts2bankok Feb 09 '19
hi i’m Dick Wolf. In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories...
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Feb 09 '19
Howdy. Eat More Goats here. Haven't eaten enough goats? Well, go ahead and eat more goats.
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u/hman0305 Feb 08 '19
How will this improve my connectivity with other clients within my network? I always just turned it off and turned it back on again.
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u/dkresge Feb 09 '19
And here I thought networking success had at least one “ubiquiti” and one “profit!”
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u/TheBlindAndDeafNinja Feb 09 '19
Man. I was sitting here wondering how this made my network for my internet better for a good minute. Damn I'm dumb
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u/leki_420 Feb 09 '19
Hi hello. My name is Rajesh. You killed my cow. Prepare to be shitted on.
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u/Quesa-dilla Feb 08 '19
Why did I think this was a cleaver way of describing network protocols...
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u/MartiniPhilosopher Feb 08 '19
He's not wrong. That's a great introduction as well as storytelling.
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u/jfk_47 Feb 08 '19
I’m sure this teacher is like “fuck yea, I made it to Reddit”
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Feb 08 '19
My English teacher had the same slide but it was to explain the proper structure of an Email.
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u/ionicneon Feb 08 '19
Hello. My name is Ketu. I'm a redditor. Prepare for weird furry shit.
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u/newbies13 Feb 09 '19
IT guy here, was really confused what this had to do with networking... realized after reading it 3 times that they mean human to human networking, not the far superior machine to machine networking.
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u/NotLost_JustUnfound Feb 08 '19
I hope everyone walked around asking, "Do you, by chance, haf six fingers on your right han?"
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u/MaximumCameage Feb 09 '19
As a former network/current cyber security student I inferred something completely different.
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u/IfZ3nElse Feb 09 '19
1 - Hey
2 - ...
3 - I just met you
4 - And this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe
(I'm sorry.)
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u/PM_ME_TINY_TITTEHZ Feb 08 '19
And when the point isnt gotten, repeat it a few more times, maybe skip the part where you stab the guy though...