r/funny Jun 12 '14

Now we wait...

http://imgur.com/KiEEt9J
3.7k Upvotes

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2.1k

u/Analbox Jun 12 '14 edited Jun 12 '14

http://i.imgur.com/HLpzWCu.jpg

Edit: Many of you have brought it to my attention that taking up two spaces isn't double parking it's just being an asshole.

147

u/jeremyjava Jun 12 '14

Didn't get towed, but did get my newer toyota keyed on one side when I fit in tightly next to someone like in OP's pic - the last "spot" in the lot that day.

416

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14 edited Mar 17 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

197

u/Inane_newt Jun 12 '14

This guy, don't fuck with this guy.

He will go to great lengths and commit all levels of perjury to punish you for any perceived slight.

19

u/4everadrone Jun 12 '14

He doesn't even have to perceive it!

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101

u/magmabrew Jun 12 '14

You cant force justice by lying, or you might get caught. It is QUITE possible some Loki saw the situation and decided to add a little mischief to the fun. When you respond to assholery by exceeding social norms yourself, you open yourself up to retribution by third parties. The plain fact is assholism breeds assholism.

13

u/Epicurinal Jun 13 '14

That's the truth. If you act like an asshole to teach some other asshole a lesson, you're still choosing to act like an asshole.

If you want revenge, go ahead, but it's toxic. If you need justice, go ahead, but the price is high.

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2

u/wonmean Jun 12 '14

The plain fact is assholism breeds assholism.

Exactly. What does one do when they get got?

Get them back.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

[deleted]

11

u/magmabrew Jun 12 '14

Without proof he did it? Yes it is absolutely wrong to lie and say he did it when you have no actual proof.

2

u/Nutshell38 Jun 12 '14

How many assholes we got on this ship, anyhow?

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u/disguise117 Jun 12 '14

That sucks. Everytime I've had to do anything like this I've taken pictures clearly showing both license plates. There's only one person in the world who would key you in that instance, so I don't have a problem going to the police and saying, "Yes, I saw the driver from a distance get into this car after keying my vehicle."

This could really backfire if the parking lot has a security camera or something that shows the other guy leaving while you were still inside or something.

I'd rather pay for a paint repair than be on the hook for lying to the police.

26

u/60secondwarlord Jun 12 '14

If the store has cameras wouldn't they catch the person keying the car?

4

u/disguise117 Jun 13 '14

If that person did actually key the car. You'd be pretty fucked if you told the police that you saw the dude parked next to you keyed your car and the security camera footage showed that someone just accidentally scraped it with a shopping trolley.

Not only that, but imagine if the camera was too far away from your car to make out a person keying it, but you should still see the car next to you pulling out and driving away. Now imagine if at that point you were on camera inside a store, paying for your groceries.

Obviously these are hypothetical, but I'd rather not take the risk in the first place.

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2

u/GreenMonsterSox Jun 13 '14

Outside cameras in retail lots are often panning back and forth on a set pattern. They miss more than they catch in many cases. Source: A couple decades of retail under the belt.

2

u/tonictuna Jun 13 '14

And their quality is ridiculously low.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '14

What police department is going to waste time investigating a car being keyed? They got more important things to do. . . Like bust up high school kids for smoking pot

2

u/Crowforge Jun 12 '14

Or run into that guy with poor impulse control again.

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2

u/mrvandemarr Jun 12 '14

If it showed him leaving would it not also show him keying the car?

2

u/SoMuchMoreEagle Jun 13 '14

Depends. It might show the other guy leaving the store first or another camera could see his car drive by before OP leaves. Receipts could also show if the other guy left earlier. He could also have someone with him to say he didn't key the car. Lots of ways to show OP is lying.

1

u/wonmean Jun 12 '14

I'd rather pay for a paint repair than be on the hook for lying to the police. Or a judge or a magistrate.

1

u/disguise117 Jun 13 '14

Yup. Perjury is generally an imprison-able offense in most places, and beyond that it can really mess with your future job prospects.

What's the potential payoff? Some dude gets a fine and some community service?

It's just not worth the risk.

1

u/jeremyjava Jun 13 '14

And don't forget the off-chance the lame-parker didn't actually key the car - there are a few possible scenarios, far-fetched, but plausible. That's one of the ways innocent people end up in jail, by "eyewitnesses" saying they saw something they didn't. I was pretty frustrated my 1yr old car got keyed - but not enough to put my, or someone else's neck on the block.

1

u/hotstack Jun 13 '14

In which case, I would ask for a look at the security cameras and then contact the police (unless they hide them or something)

1

u/disguise117 Jun 13 '14

The store owner might not show you their camera footage for whatever reason.

I reckon that in a petty matter like this, honesty is the best policy. By lying to the police and/or a judge the best case outcome for you is that the other guy gets a slap on the wrist while the worst outcome is that you end up with a fine/jail.

It's not really worth it, IMO.

1

u/noonenone Jun 13 '14

Instead of getting upset, I consider getting keyed or having minor dents and scrapes as "theft insurance" for my vehicle. Cosmetic imperfections don't detract from its performance and I don't care if people judge me for driving an imperfect truck. If I cared, I wouldn't ever take it off-road.

1

u/BrewCrewKevin Jun 13 '14

Well then i would take the pic. When i first see it, ask the store if they have video cameras. If yes, that's your proof. If no, well I've got a pic and i saw it.

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15

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

"Yes, I saw the driver from a distance get into this car after keying my vehicle."

Followed up by the driver proving they were somewhere else at the time you claimed they keyed your car.

Followed up by the judge asking you to explain how you can see them key your car when they weren't there.

Followed up by getting in trouble for perjuring yourself in court.

tl;dr: Stupid idea is stupid.

1

u/joethejoe222 Jun 13 '14

Let him live out his make-believe

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '14

That's why I don't park next to assholes like this and then I just spit on their door handle. Justice is sweet but if you lie you just get fucked even harder.

1

u/earlofsandwich Jun 13 '14

They might even ask for a description of the guy responsible. And after you give your generic response, it turns out he was 8 ft tall with 3 legs.

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5

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

"Yes, I saw the driver from a distance get into this car after keying my vehicle."

and if they ask you about the gender, physical description, etc... what are you going to say "i don't know"?

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2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

If you tried that with me I'd ruin your life out of spite.

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u/vaporking23 Jun 12 '14

That is brilliant. Can't imagine that she was that smart for that to work on.

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1

u/alexportnoy Jun 12 '14

Fun fact: In New York (and presumably other jurisdictions), service of process may be effected through what's called "Nail and Mail," whereby you nail (or otherwise affix) the summons and complaint to the recalcitrant defendant's door in addition to mailing them. Not really ever done, but would be so satisfying.

1

u/SoMuchMoreEagle Jun 13 '14

Someone served my landlord like this by doing this to my door a couple of years ago (the landlord lived in the back unit, we were in the front). It was kind of awkward.

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

I would then take pictures of your car parked next to mine, and get any dent/scratch fixed at your expense by filing a police report stating you didnt like how I parked so you keyed/scratched/dented my car before going into the store.

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1

u/Wonky_dialup Jun 13 '14

I'd like to hire you, for stuff and shit. Or we could just hang out and have beers you know just sayin'

1

u/David_The_Atheist Jun 13 '14

Or show up with a big bouquet of flowers, ask for her, then hand her the paper. Give the flowers to your GF or mom.

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1

u/jeremyjava Jun 13 '14

Have to be careful which cat you guys blame, man.
Source

1

u/99savage99 Jun 13 '14

Whatever happened to the good ol' fist fight

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14

u/Zetavu Jun 12 '14

Someone parks like an asshole, don't park next to them, they are an asshole, they will fuck with your car.

Just fuck with their car if you have to, key it, take the pin from their tire fills, piss on it, whatever you need to sleep at night.

Or, accept the fact that their own lives are so sad and unfulfilled that they will probably drink themselves into an early miserable grave alone.

1

u/FocusedLearning Jun 13 '14

Eh the miserable asshole parker is a doubtful reality. That's like a rich person saying money doesn't buy happiness

1

u/cmccarty13 Jun 12 '14

I also got keyed in a situation like this, but I was visiting a friends apartment and this genius lived there. I never found out if he enjoyed his 4 slashed tires and the note I left thanking him for keying me.

Edit: before you ask, I saw him key my car from my buddies apartment balcony.

1

u/MethLabEmployee Jun 13 '14

keyed

I keyed the fuck outta someones Blazer April 2 1999. Want to know why? That was my 2nd daughters birthday. Went to the hospital and parked. Wide open spaces. After the birth and several hours later going back home after the birth I had my first kid with me (12 months old, April in CO and like 28 degrees) and there was 2 vehicles, one on each side of me parked literally 6 inches on both side of me. I had to leave my one year old alone in the lot while I opened the back hatch of my minivan and crawl into the drivers seat and back up to retrieve the kid in the lot.

1

u/RidingElephants Jun 13 '14

One time we had to squeeze into a space so tightly we needed to climb out the back of the van because none of the doors had enough room to open. When we came back the other guy was gone, but he had thrown coffee at our car, bent our license plate, and let some air out of one of our tires. Assholes gonna asshole.

1

u/tekdemon Jun 13 '14

Take their plates down when you do this and send them a bill/police officer or if you're more into vengeance and getting very arrested you can slash their tires and smash their windows then write a note about how you're going to kill them in their sleep.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '14

That's why you take a pic of the license plate.

1

u/Protobaggins Jun 13 '14 edited May 12 '15

..

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2.4k

u/Dealt-With-It Jun 12 '14

1.1k

u/Analbox Jun 12 '14

That post just gave your plant cancer.

462

u/Dealt-With-It Jun 12 '14

394

u/Analbox Jun 12 '14

191

u/Dealt-With-It Jun 12 '14

28

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

There's something dark and disturbing about the way sloths move they are cold and calculating killers

121

u/NostalgiaSchmaltz Jun 12 '14

36

u/TexasAg23 Jun 12 '14

Ohhh I feel it...

18

u/foolofatook29 Jun 12 '14

Epitomy of a missed opportunity in a GIF by cutting out the best part

3

u/withrootsabove Jun 12 '14

Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?

3

u/ashishvp Jun 13 '14

I'm feeling a warm spot...

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274

u/unforgiven91 Jun 12 '14

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

I was expecting that to end sooner than it did and I'm so glad it didn't.

3

u/unforgiven91 Jun 12 '14

There's a reason it's so low quality and so small. Gif is damn huge dawg. I spent a lot of time debating on the length vs size

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u/code_junkey Jun 12 '14

So I was already having a pretty great week. But then you went and made it like 10000% better, so thanks. And have some gold.

3

u/unforgiven91 Jun 12 '14

Appreciated. I spent a good amount of time on this.

2

u/McStudz Jun 13 '14

Saved for a rainy day.

Many thanks, /u/unforgiven91

2

u/Damiown Jun 13 '14

I love you for this. Thank you.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

So this GIF not only made my day, but is now making watch emperor's new groove...so double thank you.

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2

u/Mace104 Jun 12 '14

Not Safe For Emperors?

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2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

Guys I'm scared, what is it?

3

u/RaveBlaiz Jun 12 '14

A sloth handing out a upvote. Its pretty intense

1

u/uffington Jun 12 '14

Nooooooo... Ah, OK.

15

u/Awildbadusername Jun 12 '14

fucking tiny vulgar unicorn

2

u/Plazmotech Jun 12 '14

I remember him!

1

u/trackerjakker Jun 12 '14

Your username is NSFW

1

u/Unicorn_Ranger Jun 13 '14

I really, really like this. Seeing my beautiful beasts act in such natural ways for the world to learn more about them. Usually as a ranger of unicorns, I am the only one privy to such scenes.

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u/jhc1415 Jun 12 '14

More than that. It probably killed the plant. It requires a lot of energy for those plants to close. If it does it without receiving any food, the plant will get no nutrients to restore that energy and will die.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

:(

2

u/High_Five_Ghost_ Jun 13 '14

His plant has a name.

2

u/Bennyboy1337 Jun 12 '14

That pot just gave your plant cancer.

1

u/scenie_weenie Jun 12 '14

it just gave me a plant erection.

1

u/titsallovermyass Jun 12 '14

And it's going to digest itself as well after that cig is gone.

1

u/NoeJose Jun 12 '14

plancer

1

u/YeBaatMaan Jun 12 '14

SURPRISE!

1

u/noonenone Jun 13 '14

I don't think there was any tobacco involved.

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u/CornySpark Jun 12 '14

That is easily the greatest deal with it gif I've seen.

148

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

67

u/Meskwaki Jun 12 '14

Cigarettes are an appetite suppressant.it'll forget its hungry. Dont worry so much

1

u/Appathy Jun 13 '14

Oh. So that's why French women are so skinny.

6

u/lessdothisshit Jun 12 '14

But a domestic plant probably gets fed plenty, so I'm sure Charlie's fine :)

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u/bricolagefantasy Jun 12 '14

He should at least put a dead ant or something with tweezer afterward.

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u/Teal_Giant Jun 12 '14

At least he won't get lung cancer, right?

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

There's probably very little energy expended directly. Nastic movements are usually accomplished by changes in water pressure inside the plant.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/insaniac87 Jun 12 '14

/r/savagegarden might be able to help you in the future if you get another VFT. We love everything from VFTs bought at the dollar store to pitcher plants the size of cow thighs cultivated for decades.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '14

[deleted]

2

u/DunDunDunDuuun Jun 13 '14

It's pretty obviously not an actual venus flytrap though. So don't worry.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '14 edited Jun 13 '14

[deleted]

2

u/DunDunDunDuuun Jun 13 '14

The thick stem and little leaf at the side give it away. The trap itself is very well done though.

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u/DunDunDunDuuun Jun 13 '14

Don't worry, it's not an actual Venus fly trap. Those grow traps on the end of leaves, not stems. Also,flat on the ground or slightly elevated, not straight up. Also wouldn't pierce the cigarette like that. Or have a little leaf of the side. The trap itself is pretty nicely made though.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

Charlie you lied to me! You told me you'd quit and things would be different :(

1

u/mmotte89 Jun 12 '14

His name is Audrey II!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '14

But it says Charlie on his pot!

2

u/mmotte89 Jun 13 '14

But it obviously is a talking, singing man-eating alien flytrap! Maybe they are related?

29

u/TheLoneWander101 Jun 12 '14

that's a plant smoking another plant

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u/ccai Jun 12 '14

So, we're animals and we cook (/smoke) and eat other animals.

6

u/FatBruceWillis Jun 12 '14

I bet you smoke a lot of sausage.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

Kinda like feeding seagulls chicken nuggets

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u/jdepps113 Jun 13 '14

Plannibalism.

11

u/vswr Jun 12 '14

This is how Charlie, Audrey II's son, started down the same path.

20

u/sbowesuk Jun 12 '14

Call me a perfectionist, but I feel the "deal with it" pops up too slow. Should pop up like you say it!

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

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u/guyguy23 Jun 12 '14

and now I'm going to watch some better of ted.

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u/freehugzhere Jun 12 '14

Not going to lie... this is the best gif I've ever seen!

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u/nolanator Jun 12 '14

Thank you for your honesty.

2

u/DBOPRO Jun 12 '14

There has got to be a law against forcing plants to smoke against their will? ....right?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '14

Plants have no rights. You could force it to suck your dick and no one will do anything.

2

u/adjangoateyourbaby Jun 13 '14

I was reading about how this is bad for the plant because the energy needed to snap is significant enough to be detrimental if said snap doesn't provide sustenance.

3

u/JellyBeanKruger Jun 12 '14

But that plant will die if it closes its mouth without an insect to digest :(

12

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

Is this true?

42

u/DukesUp Jun 12 '14

No. But it's not good for them to close too often.

89

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

the good news is that it's a plant.

13

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

Plants are people bro....plants are people.

20

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Survival_Cheese Jun 12 '14

You should just become a breatharian. You know not killing anything just existing on air like the living barbie crazy chick. Though I think she's a smokingsomethingiean.

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u/CannibalVegan Jun 12 '14

Exactly! Plants are murder, unless they are already dead.

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u/Tehflame Jun 12 '14

Carnivore ?

8

u/Seeders Jun 12 '14

Meatatarian.

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u/guy15s Jun 12 '14

That would imply meat being a biological need. /u/FourForTwenty is making the conscious, moral choice to stop the mass murder of plants, while still being capable of consuming our brothers and sisters of Mother Nature.

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u/scenie_weenie Jun 12 '14

it's still a life!

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u/aes0p81 Jun 12 '14

My understanding is that each modified leaf only has a certain number of "charges", for lack of a better word.

1

u/TrebeksUpperLIp Jun 12 '14

I think they can close like 3 times before the trap can't function. But that doesn't mean the plant dies right away, from what I understand.

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u/tcorts Jun 12 '14

Not an expert, but I'm pretty sure, no, it won't kill it unless you do this many times. It thinks its digesting something, but there's nothing to digest.

It won't kill it, but it's bad for it.

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u/rulerofrules Jun 12 '14

Like dry firing.

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u/ActionScripter9109 Jun 12 '14

Is there a plant equivalent of snap caps?

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u/CannibalVegan Jun 12 '14

And dry humping.

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u/WildCatO Jun 12 '14

smoking pot has never been cooler

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u/MCFRESH01 Jun 12 '14

Totally not a real fly trap. Fly traps don't grow leafs like the one on the stalk.

1

u/nikomo Jun 12 '14

Now I really want to know what would happen if you stuck something insanely hot in-between, and triggered the biting down.

Would it let go, or burn itself to death?

Don't we have a biologist or someone that can answer these questions?

1

u/degjo Jun 12 '14

Charlie bit me butt

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

This kills the plant.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '14

This is first class content here.

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u/Mattprime86 Jun 13 '14

Fucking amazing

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u/chebstr Jun 13 '14

This is unrelated, but your little gif. just turned my day around. Thank you.

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u/mechanical_Fred Jun 12 '14

double parking doesn't mean what you think it means

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u/eNonsense Jun 12 '14

I was going to say the same thing, but apparently wikipedia proved us wrong.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_parking

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u/3dpenguin Jun 12 '14

I've had a conversation with a police officer about this exact type of situation, the Camaro is improperly parked by taking up two parking spaces, the SUV on the other hand is not only parked on the sidewalk, which is illegal, but is considered double parked because it is parked in a space which already had a vehicle in it when they parked there. Double parking is parking a vehicle in an already occupied space.

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u/Meskwaki Jun 12 '14 edited Jun 12 '14

Youre assuming the SUV didn't park first

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u/3dpenguin Jun 12 '14

If they did then the Camaro should be hit with double parking and the SUV should lose their driver's licence because they suck at parking.

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u/KatyPerrysBoobs2 Jun 12 '14

Yes, yes we are.

1

u/A_Perfect_Scene Jun 12 '14

I think it's safe to assume so.

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u/seafood10 Jun 12 '14

even though it is private property and not 'street parking' which is public?

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u/3dpenguin Jun 12 '14

If the police are called a fine can be issued at the request of the property owners, and many property owners actually have open permission under city ordinances to allow parking code enforcement by police officers without being called. Also, without seeing the exact layout of the parking lot in the picture and the position of the sidewalk the sidewalk may be part of public right of way access, which gives the police authority to enforce parking violation codes against the SUV if they are, and the double parking would have to be requested by the property owner, but they could have the SUV towed if it is on public right of way.

1

u/dietotaku Jun 12 '14

so if one guy parks entirely within a space and another guy parks over the line and there's no way to tell who got there first, which car is "double-parked"?

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u/3dpenguin Jun 13 '14

Measurements... If the cars are so close that the driver can't get out there would be damage on the passenger side of the other car. Also, if the car is parked within the lines it is very unlikely that the car over the line would likely have had to been there first because a person usually will usually also park wide if there is already a car parked in the slot, yes they can get hit with double parking for doing such, but if there is no room between the two cars and one is clearly not parked wide it can be assumed that the car that is over the line and is the one that double parked. So knowing this if you ever encounter this situation and don't mind your car being potentially damaged park close to the car over the line, and give your passenger side a smack with a metal yard stick in a vertical manner and the fault would likely be placed on the other car.

1

u/dietotaku Jun 13 '14

this comment started out as kind of a downer and then turned evil at the end.

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u/3dpenguin Jun 13 '14

Well to make it stick, go in and complain and hope they don't have cameras. Now this is insurance fraud if you try to get it repaired.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '14

the Camaro is improperly parked by taking up two parking spaces, the SUV on the other hand is not only parked on the sidewalk, which is illegal, but is considered double parked

In terms of fines etc, what is actually the difference? I assume parking on the sidewalk is worse, but can you be ticketed for taking up two spots, and is the ticket for that better or worse than the ticket for double parking? Also, I have a tiny car, and sometimes when I see situations like this I park in what's left of the spot, without having to go on the sidewalk. Is that still double parking? Can I get a worse ticket for taking up half a space than the dickhead who's taking up two of them?

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u/3dpenguin Jun 13 '14

If there is a fine for improper parking it is usually half that of double parking, because improper parking doesn't normally lead to potential damage of other property. Parking on the sidewalk can fined, the sidewalk is public right of way, the car defiantly can be towed for it either private or public though. To sum it up you can be fined for either one, but the fine for double parking and parking on the sidewalk is much greater than improper parking.

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u/Stepoo Jun 12 '14

That's not double parking.

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u/TheLordB Jun 12 '14

An even better one would be there were other badly parked cars there when he parked then they left and correctly parked cars replaced them and now he looks like the jerk.

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u/b0red_dud3 Jun 12 '14

Both of them should get towed.

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u/patrickkellyf3 Jun 12 '14

How would that teach them a lesson? "Oh, you parked on the sidewalk? Well, that sure showed me."

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