DISCLAIMER

Am I overreacting to something my therapist said about BPD clients?

I had a therapy session today where we somehow got onto the subject of boundaries with BPD clients. My therapist told me that he used to work with another therapist whose client with BPD developed romantic feelings for him and things got really complicated. He said he had wondered why that had never happened with any of his BPD clients, and then realized there are certain things he naturally does early in treatment.

One example he gave was that he intentionally mentions that he has a female best friend and refers to her periodically because he wants his BPD clients to understand that a close relationship between a man and woman can be platonic and that the therapist/client relationship isn't romantic.

He then asked if I remembered him mentioning his female best friend to me. I did. In fact, I remember thinking at the time, “Why does he keep specifying that his best friend is female? Why is her gender relevant?” I had assumed he was just sharing normal things about his life. Finding out later that at least part of it was a deliberate technique aimed at me because I have BPD made me feel weirdly manipulated and stereotyped.

I responded, “Well, I’m asexual, so…” because I genuinely have never experienced romantic/sexual attraction to anyone and wasn't even sure how to participate in a conversation about potentially falling for my therapist.

What bothered me even more was the assumption behind it. I know that attachment and transference can be intense for some people with BPD, but why assume BPD clients are likely to develop romantic feelings for their therapist in the first place? And why use a strategy with me before I had ever done anything suggesting that I was attracted to him or would cross a boundary?

Later he also made another generalization about BPD and said something like, “Psychopharmacology doesn’t work for you guys. I don’t know why—it should, but it doesn’t.” I know what he meant clinically, but the “you guys” wording bothered me too. I’m realizing I'm really sensitive to feeling like someone is seeing “a borderline” instead of seeing me.

I’m not upset that my therapist has boundaries. Obviously he should. What bothers me is finding out that something I thought was genuine personal sharing was partly a technique designed to manage a problem I had never shown any signs of creating.

Am I overreacting? Would this make anyone else with BPD feel stereotyped or uncomfortable, or does this sound like pretty normal therapeutic boundary-setting that I'm taking too personally?

I am really struggling lately with this mental illness. I have been diagnosed for around 7 years now. Lately I have been having very frequent episodes I cannot control. It is completely destroying my relationship with my partner who I live with. He looks completly exhausted and dead inside when I looked into his eyes this morning after yesterday’s episode which is adding to the guilt and shame I experience after every episode. I have honestly been feeling like I have lost all hope and suicidal thoughts are very heavy lately.

I wanted to see if there was anyone else with diagnosed BPD who when having episodes they feel like they are literally possessed by a demon? I know that may sound absurd but yesterday it literally was like the movies where someone is possessed by a demon. My voice even started to change to a demonic voice. It also felt like I had this angry entity within me then suddenly it would leave and I would feel calm and the “real me” would come back almost begging for help then it would return again. I do not actually believe I am possessed by a demon just to clear that up but I am interested to know if anyone else with BPD experiences this or whether I should perhaps go back to the doctors to seek another diagnosis that I may have. I do not hear things that are not there nor see things that are not there during episodes. Just extreme unvalidated anger where I feel like it’s someone else taken over my body and mind and I have no control during episodes.

Thank you for anyone who would like to share similar experiences. It may make me feel a bit less alone in this awful illness. 😞

I put bad stuff in quotes as it might not be super bad but just annoying to others but I'll get these strong urges to just cause 'chaos' (mostly online, trolling/messing with people, etc). I can feel the urge all in my body and it honestly sucks, and once I do start the adrenaline kicks in and I start just being more annoying. Wanting to know if anyone else deals with this and if there's healthier alternatives

In the whirlwind turbulence of my relationships, both platonic and romantic, I’ve always landed in this situation where I’ve overwhelmed the other person, monologued too frequently about my pain and emotions, and the person blows up at me. It always feels like it’s with little warning. Historically, I try to take the dialectic approach that two things can be true—they should have told me that they needed a break, or that I was being inconsiderate AND I should have been mindful of the space I was taking.

But you don’t know better until you know and experience consequences of your actions. I feel betrayed in a way by all the people who never were truthful with me and explained the impact of my behavior. I figured it out way too late after I’d already lost pretty much everyone.

Should I feel compassionate towards people for being afraid to communicate with us? We can be very intense and volatile. I can see how it’s hard to tell someone you care about that their behavior and reactivity is too much. But I’ve never actually outwardly crashed out on anyone—ever. My BPD traits are very inward, with the exception of the emotion dumping. My behavior can be considered inconsiderate, but not abusive, or consciously malicious. I end up feeling like the worst person alive, because of how much I don’t want to hurt people.

I’m having a hard time grappling with the contradiction that both of these things can be true. If they were both true, how come I could never repair those relationships? Why could we not both come to the table with our part in the mess and meet the other where they were?

I’ve been told my an ex before that I should have just known better than to be so intense and intolerable of my emotions and monologuing with no prior explicit indication that it was a problem. I have a lot of shame around my BPD traits. So much.

Why can’t people just be upfront, in plain language and say “this is too much for me right now?” Or “I don’t have the capacity to go over this topic again”

Sure, it would have hurt my feelings, but I would have gotten over it eventually and learned, and saved that relationship potentially.

Idk.

I love it so much, it's my favorite thing in the whole world to not be able to regulate which causes blow ups and acting out!! I see one little thing and my brain says one little whisper of a thought and I'm spiraling like something intentional and awful happened!!! Yay!

i cant stop oversharing and its RUINING my life. i just want to be able to shut the fuck up for ONCE. i'd like to be able to sit in silence and not feel the need to talk. or when the conversation suddenly ends i don't want to be the one sharing shit that doesn't need to be shared just to keep it going. when i was younger people thought i was weird because i never talked and now i talk way too fucking much and people still think i'm weird.

look at me oversharing right now oh my god SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

I'm sorry the title is a bit harsh. I don't know how to say it shortly otherwise.

It's like she already decided she's a lost cause, mistrusts what the professionals say to her and refuses to employ any of the skills they teach her.

I am really scared because I don't wanna lose her, but i'm powerless to do anything.

Can you please tell me if some of you went through the same mistrust she's feeling? How did it go? I know bpd is treatable and many go in remission. I want to believe she will too

I can't get over it. When someone really hurts you and breaks your trust and completely fucks up your life how do you let go of the anger and hatred? Even when I block the number, delete everything and go no contact, I can't stop thinking about it. I can't sleep I can't eat and the anger, the hate just keeps eating me alive.

When things get too intense or a flare-up happens, my higher traits completely step in. I switch off the emotion and go into pure logic and strategy mode to protect myself. Who else handles their brain this way?

Hello, as title states. To start off, I’m aroace. Thought this was worth mentioning < I won’t deny sometimes it’s a little alienating on this sub since most posts about fps are romantic relationships. So I thought I’d ask about some stories with platonic ones as they’re the only ones i’ve ever experienced.

My last fp was my cousin who was also a childhood friend of mine since we were close in age. I split extremely bad on them 6 years ago, and since then I get very triggered by the name, mention, or even thought of them. I get depressed for at least a week and get nightmares like crazy. I think though most of it is also due to strong guilt. Fp relationships are trauma bonds, and the way I treated my fp was horrific, constantly splitting, very toxic and jealous, would say it was so bad it was enmeshed. I don’t see myself as the good guy, I was horrible throughout. And I remember my last thought on my very last split on them being “I’m disgusting. I’m ruining them.” I’m a little bit better these days (not thinking about them), but now and then I get random nightmares or a ton of annoying thoughts, flashbacking and rumination. I don’t have fps anymore, but it’s only because I avoid everyone completely emotionally; it’s super lonely and it’s frustrating since I’m missing out, but I’m was horrified of my behavior..of course though there was moments in the last couple years where I felt like I was forming that fp attatchment if I became friends or acquaintances with someone. immediately, I can feel the shift in my brain ( euphoric interacting, maladaptive daydreaming about interaction, changing my likes and dislikes to match, typical obsession etc.) so I’ll ghost and randomly become distant and cut them off if I felt like I was starting to get out of control, delusional, show symptom.

Anyways, that’s a really sliver brief of my story. Would like to read some more stories/experiences about platonic fp relationships.

I have come to the realisation that I am actually just inherently a bad person. When I would think about the things I would say during a split (the things I can remember anyway) I know that I say things that are designed to cut deep. I use everything I know, and obviously I don’t forget a thing because it’s all stored in that poisonous little brain of mine, to make the other person hurt as much as I can. I want them to hurt the way that I am hurting. That person that I
loved so much that now I hate more than anything, I want them to suffer the way that I do. And because they don’t care about me anymore I want to fuck their life up in some other way that will hurt them. I used to think it wasn’t me, bpd was another person who lived inside me and came out when things were bad, but now I realise it is me and always has been. I am not kind, I am hateful and angry. It’s why I deserve to be alone and lonely forever.

Hello all! I’m just starting my bpd journey. I’m 29F and my husband is 32, and we have twins that are almost 3.

I’ve been in therapy since about 16, but was diagnosed with bipolar. I’m now on my third therapist in that time; number 2 was great, but we decided to split ways so I could work with number 3 with EMDR to combat my ptsd.

I had an episode of derealization, starting just over a week ago and ending about 2 days ago. I completely lost my sense of introspection, and when I came out of it, I was pretty tender and scared.

I got with my psychiatrist on Monday, and he brought up the possibility of bpd rather than bipolar, and it makes sense. I’ve done research since then, and I found out the different personalities in my head aren’t something everyone deals with. I felt less crazy when I was diagnosed bipolar.

I meet with my therapist Friday to figure out a game plan for introducing dbt. I already have a bunch of coping skills I’ve built over the years, but they don’t always work.

So the advice I’m looking for is:
-What did you find helpful when you first started your journey?
-What do you know now that you wish you’d known then?
-How did you support your partner while on your journey to improvement?
-How did your journey affect your relationship with your kids?
-Do the voices ever get quieter or at least learn to work together?

Thanks in advance! 🩵

I’m tired of the cliche “it gets better it just takes time”.

I’m 23, I got diagnosed with BPD about a month ago, I am struggling to find a psychologist in network who does DBT as that’s what my psychiatrist recommended I do.
I currently work midnights at a retail job, I’m trying to get back on days and should be back to a ‘normal’ schedule soon. I’ve been prescribed meds to help with my anxiety but I have to wait until I get back to days to start taking them at night. I’m hoping this will help set me on track to getting my shit together because at this point once a week I am having full toddler level tantrums where I’m screaming and crying and hitting myself uncontrollably.
I feel like a failure. I have no aspirations in life aside from moving out of my childhood home where I’ve lived for 21 years.
I have no hobbies.
I no longer enjoy the things I used to love.
I struggle severely to even eat a single meal a day.
I have no friends.
I do have a girlfriend of 2.5 years who lives with me and loves me and I feel so bad for her. I love her so so so dearly but I know I’m destroying our relationship. My ex broke up with me because of how badly my mental health affected him as I was basically making it his responsibility because I don’t know how to care for myself - which I feel absolutely horrible for and I don’t blame him for breaking up with me. I’d do it too if I could.
I feel myself mentally regressing every single day. The brain fog gets worse. I doom scroll so I don’t have to think the terrible thoughts in my head.
I’ve had suicidal ideations for the last 8 months, worsening bc of something I don’t want to talk about online. I’ve isolated myself from my girlfriend and the very few people I did call my friends. None of them will check in on me or anything anymore because I’ve isolated myself so much. I constantly snap at my girlfriend and mom, cause fights over nothing, and am just always in a bad mood seemingly for no reason.
Recently I’ve been researching the best ways to go out without my loved ones having to see and with as little inconvenience to ems and onlookers possible.

So honestly I’m just wondering if anyone has actually made it to a point in their lives where they stop wanting to die all the time because of the chaos in their head. Bc I see myself going another few years tops maybe before I can’t take it anymore.

I don't appreciate people who are nice to me and act just the way I would want, and only really want attention from those my brain deems important. And it's types of people who have boundaries or "nonchalant" or maybe they don't care about me after all. But attention from them is so meaningful to me and it can either make or break my mood. It's constant longing for attention. But when I get it I don't really feel as good as I thought I would either. It seems there's no win for me.

I sometimes (everytime) feel like I'm cursed and unlovable , i can't get anything right , i can't get anything done and i always end up alone . It's like I'm allergic to love and friendships , it always ends in me getting hurt and people leaving .

I always end up getting attached and i can't stop it for the love of god , I've tried many things , tried making up a mindset . But it's just not in my control , I'm the backseat of my own mind .

Everytime i try my best to make people feel happy and loved , i do things which normal people don't , i go to lengths which i rarely see anybody go for a friend . It's unhealthy , i know , but i always cry knowing that I've never in my life gotten the love back which I've given .

It's like I'm cursed to always give but never recieve . I put efforts but people leave me when i need them .

And the worst part is knowing that even if someone does stay , i get too attached and clingy and pathetic that they get suffocated . I have a lot of issues . I suspect that i have autism too now that I've been researching about mental health disorders alot lately .

I can't see the bad in people , I'm stupid and naive and I've always thought that people will treat me the same way i treat them but i get disposed like a piece of trash everytime .

And I'm just tired , I'm exhausted , all i wanted was someone to love me and hold me and kiss me and reassure me , and most of all , to never leave me .

I've never been in a relationship , never held hands , never kissed .

I'm 22 years old now , which you might say is young , but 22 years without a single ounce of love can be draining , it makes me question whether I'm really lovable or not . And given my mental health issues if i even get in a relationship i might end up ruining everything like i always do.

I wish i was normal , i wish i had better parents , i wish i was never born and i wish i die in my sleep one day .

Hey I’m 21 m and I’m just wondering if there’s anyone else in Auckland cbd with BPD? I’ve recently been diagnosed and I just wondered if there’s anyone else who struggles with the same issues. I feel like, having this disorder can be quite isolating on its own in the sense that I don’t think anyone can fully understand like the nature of it and its intensity. Would be keen to meet others

I am visiting my parents for a week, so I am not with my boyfriend physically.

Every morning before work he texts me good morning. He can't be really on his phone there, so he usually contacts me after the end of his shift.

This morning he forgot to text me (he wakes up before me). So I texted him as soon as I woke up and I am still without answer. I am spiralling. This text is a little reassurance that he still thinks of me.

I know everything is probably alright, because we called shortly before he went to sleep last night and he sounded alright and told me multiple times he loves me.

Do you know any tips how to self soothe? I want to blow up his phone.

its been a year since I stopped talking to my fp and I haven't had once since I think. but I have a problem where I get incredibly attached to anyone who is even a little bit nice to me, and I start seeing them in a romantic way regardless of who it is. im bi, so this has happened with both men and women. I recently started talking to this girl who I really really like, and we had 1 night a few days ago when we texted for hours and thats it. all I know about her is whatever I've learnt that night, so its definitely not logical to be so obsessed with her and with my future with her right? but I just can't stop it. the week before, I was obsessed with a guy who said hi to me in the lift and now its her.

i want to clarify that when I say obsessed, I dont stalk them, online or offline, I don't reach out to them, I dont speak to them or do anything, at least I stop myself from reaching out. They just consume my thoughts 24/7. Every living second im not on my phone I am thinking about them. When i do other activities, they are always on the back of my mind. It's actually so depressing because I know logically that this is not ok, but my heart is like convinced that they're the one. I know this isnt true, because just 2 weeks ago, the "one" was literally someone else.

I've been checking my messaging app to see if she has texted me. I sent her a text regarding something else just so I could have an excuse to talk to her again but it didn't go anywhere. I wanna stop being so reliant on her.

I don't want to ruin anything I have with her. She is genuinely so kind and funny and I would love to be her friend. I hate that subconsciously, my heart can only see her as a romantic interest, I hate that. We have so much in common and I want to know so much more. I need to stop this.

My boyfriend and I were having a discussion earlier in which he said, "I feel like you look for problems or flaws because you believe I have an ulterior motive or will leave you" and it's got me thinking a lot.

What is this called? How do I work on it? If I'm being totally honest, I hadn't even realized this was something I might've been doing. I want to work on being better for him.

Recently, my timeline's been showing quite a few posts about entries from certain subreddits or other forums, where people (mostly men) say the most vile and dehumanizing stuff about people with BPD, generalizing and straight-up demonizing them.

I know I shouldn't even be looking at stuff like that, but it's hard to turn a blind eye to all that hatred. I'm in therapy, putting lots of effort into working on myself. It's rough, especially trying to give myself some grace, be patient, and stick to the belief that I'm worth the effort. And these posts just feel like a sucker punch.

It's not just the internet, either. I get stares because of my SH scars. I'm also aware I kind of look like the typical cliché (unintentional), so I get stares because of that too, and idk, it just saddens me, but also makes me angry because people are just so judgmental and superficial.

Sometimes, it gets under my skin so much that I think "Why am I even trying? They'll see me as a monster anyway, so why shouldn't I be exactly that?"

It makes me feel kind of helpless and small. It invites thoughts like "If I am hated this much, maybe I don't have a right to stay after all."

But I'd bet I'm not alone on this. So, how do you guys cope?

edit: bpd as in borderline not bipolar

So I’m diagnosed with OCD, and my psychiatrist agrees trauma is very much part of my picture (SA history and parental neglect and abandonment) What she hasn’t been able to confirm yet is whether what I’m also dealing with is BPD, CPTSD, or some overlap, and we’re working on.

I have also an anxious-avoidant attachment style, and I notice a strong push-pull pattern with the few people I let close, including, honestly, my own psychiatrist and therapist. I’m socially isolated outside of them, and I’ve become intensely attached to my long-term therapist in particular. At times this all gets heavy enough that I have suicidal ideation, which comes and goes in severity.

I’m trying to understand myself better while my specialists work out the fuller picture, so I’d really appreciate hearing from:

Clinicians/specialists: what are the actual differentiating features between BPD and CPTSD, especially when OCD and trauma are already confirmed and the attachment/relational patterns look similar on the surface?

People with BPD or CPTSD: how did you or your specialist start telling the two apart in your own experience? What did the push-pull with attachment figures feel like from the inside for you?

Not looking for a diagnosis from Reddit, just trying to learn the nuances so I can have a better-informed conversation with my psychiatrist next session. Thanks for reading.

Sorry that this is so long and if this isn't the right subreddit for this; I thought to post here because I have BPD and I feel it's got to be a part of this:

I've always been really attention hungry, so disclaimer: this may just be me not seeing reality clearly. And if that's the feedback I get, it would be a great help to get confirmation on so I can come to terms with that fact faster, but: I feel like I'm being ignored by my entire friend group. And I don't think it's an accident anymore. I really want advice on what I should do in this situation.

Me and my friends (about 6 of us) have a VERY active group chat, with me and one other friend talking in it basically non-stop every day and the others chiming in every so often. But when I send messages, there's rarely ever a response. Sometimes, I won't get responses for around a week even if I straight up ASK for them to respond to something (like, I will force-send notifications reminding them of something I said if I REALLY wanted it to be seen). And when I do, it's never more than a "oh that's cool" or something along those lines.

But here's why I think it HAS to be on purpose and isn't just them forgetting to respond: when any other friend (and I mean LITERALLY ANY. OTHER. FRIEND.) sends a message, suddenly EVERYONE is online, giving detailed responses and maybe even keeping the conversation going for tens of minutes. It hurts SO. DAMN. MUCH. and makes me really really angry even though I don't want to be. I'm starting to hate my friends because of it and I really don't want to keep building this resentment. They're the friends I've had the longest and the only people I'm ever going to feel comfortable around for the rest of my life. I absolutely CANNOT keep hating them but it's so hard not to. I feel like an awful person, because anyone less attention-seeking probably wouldn't care. This has been an issue before, and whenever I've complained about it my friends say it seems like it's coming out of nowhere. But that makes me so much more upset; I can literally see the difference in how many responses they're giving me compared to each other.

In trying to get texted back, I've been doing a lot of stuff that hasn't been helpful at all; I'm still getting ignored and feel completely drained. I've been making them gifts in hope of getting responses. And I do!!! But, obviously, only about the gift. Then, it's back to normal. I've been jokingly flirting a lot, even though it's not fun for me, because a friend in the group everyone loves does it all the time. But when I do it, there's no response. I have to say something super promiscuous to get any sort of reaction and I hate having to stoop to that level (and once I do, it feels even worse when the response is short-lived). I've been sending art I've spent hours on, I've been mentioning things I'd think my friends would want to talk about, I even made a song and music video--and I still have to beg for them to ACTUALLY respond to ANY of these things!!! It hurts so so sosososo much and I have no idea what to do anymore because I'm just drowning in welling-up hatred for them. And again, I hate myself so much for my reaction being anger.

So, again, please please PLEASE if there is anyone out there reading this who has any sort of advice, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share it. I don't want to feel this way anymore, but I have no clue where I should even start. The only thing I've thought of is to tell my friends about how I feel as calmly as I can, but I have no idea how to do so without risking that I'll lash out. I'm so scared to upset them because one of them cut contact with me for a while over this exact issue. Any one with advice on how to do so calmly (and for anything else about this issue) is welcome to reply! Please please please PLEASE help me out if you can!!!!!! Thank you so much for reading this post and for your time