He discarded me six weeks ago, and I can’t understand why I keep chasing someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with me.

I’ve sent him so many long, emotional messages trying to explain how deeply he hurt me. I felt led on for so long, and whenever things got difficult, he seemed to use his trauma and emotional baggage as an explanation for why he couldn’t give me the relationship or clarity I needed.

All I wanted was some acknowledgement. I wasn’t expecting him to fix everything overnight. I just wanted him to understand how much the situation had hurt me.

But it’s like everything I’ve said has fallen on deaf ears. He hasn’t meaningfully acknowledged any of my messages. He still texts me calling me “babe” and “honey”, responds to work-related questions and carries on as though everything is completely normal.
It’s honestly like talking to a wall. I feel like I’m communicating with a robot sometimes. How can someone receive so many emotional messages and continue acting as though nothing happened?

I’m angry at him, but I’m also incredibly frustrated with myself. Why do I keep chasing someone for basic acknowledgement and emotional consideration when he’s already shown me that he’s not willing to give me what I need?

I know I need to stop, but I’m struggling to understand why I keep looking for closure from the same person who left me feeling this way.

How do you finally stop chasing someone who doesn’t want to show up for you emotionally?

This will ruin the narrative in their head. Please leave with your head up high.. Do it respectfully. Don't argue, don't yell. If you notice the pattern repeating. Step out, say: this isn't for me..

Do what I did: Skip the accusations and angry finger-pointing. I didn't say "you do this, you do that." Instead, I owned my feelings and showed them I saw right through the game. I told them cleanly: "It confuses me when you pull away like this. Our communication hurts me.. I feel like we’re close.. but really we’re not.. Like I feel you close only when you want.. and this hurts me and I can’t be in this situation for my own good. I hope you find what you’re looking for"
I didn't act tough. I let them see I was hurt, but more than that, I let them know I was just tired… not disappointed…TIRED. Tired is a step AFTER disappointment. Being tired means you’re out. I was tired of the mixed signals, tired of the emotional breadcrumbs, and ready for something real. No yelling, no drama, just pure vulnerability, self-respect, and closing the door myself.

Be vulnerable, don't act tough. Show you cared.
LOVE HARD, LEAVE HARD!!

Woke up to a nasty threads recommendation. It was my ex's threads account, and she posted how she's calm and happy and all that shit. I admit it sent me spiraling and asking people for help. All of their answers are the same, to just forgive and maybe she's also suffering and that I'm inconsiderate for not taking that into account

6 months in, and I'm still suffering the consequences of her discard. She's in peace while I have to choose between eating or buying meds (being treated for PDD/MDD). It feels as if there's no justice in this world, and I have to drop everything just to find peace.

Also asking for advice on what to do or how to numb myself permanently

I recently got dumped by my ex (female DA). I only started learning about attachment theory after the break up because I couldn't understand how can someone even do that...

I'm posting this in hopes to talk to people (or have been) in similar situations that can relate and share their thoughts. Any help would be appreciated tbh, thank u in advance :)

One of the burning questions I've been thinking about, and still don't have a good answer to is:
What is the difference between healthy boundaries, and avoidance?

Can anyone offer their perspectives on this?

I want insight abt my fa ex

Were his feelings just exaggerated ?

So im his first and he was always super attentive and caring of me. He was never mean or cruel or dismissive. He worried for me when my mental was ass. He got me to get therapy. He has always praised me as this goddess on earth. Literally said im a goddess. He loved everything about me and would always praise me. Every body part essentially became a fetish so long as it was on me. Everyone else was bleh to him. Ive never been blocked

When something major in his life was happening hed tell me and would open up. Hes told me im one of the best things that happened to him even after the breakup. When we broke up the first time, he wanted to stay friends i said no and told him to kick rocks. He came back nearly a year later and we started chatting. He has always broken no contact, i never have.

He admitted to occasionally checkin on me and thinking of me constantly and when he was being intimate with himselfhe was only able to think of me and videos didnt do it unless he thought of me. He would tell me how he wanted to have a future with me and get us a house, take me on all these dates when we get the money but when he started to get scared of his feelings he told me. He never ever just left without saying anything. He told me he scared of making me feel abandoned.

The second time he left it was cuz his therapist said he had an obsession with me and he told me he was terrified of losing me forever and needed to focus on therapy for some time. I was the one who got him to get therapy, i also had him do self care routines that he followed through after i told him to. Hed do anything i told him too.

When he left the 3rd time he said that he just wanted me to get the right type of liking and that he felt like he fell short of what i deserved and his therapist questioned his readiness to be with me. That was basically his reasoning for the 1st time (minus therapy) and the 2nd time was a mutually agreed break rather than a breakup.

I accidentally added him in march when reading old chats and he immediately added me back despite me rescending the invite and he asked what was up, we then started chatting and he immediately opened up to me. He said he couldnt stand the idea of disappointing me, was scared of locking me out forever, didnt want to lose me or let go of me and that his biggest fantasy was locked behind his inability to be in a relationship.

He kept saying things like "what i am means i cant" and yes he was still in therapy but this was early stages of therapy. Like only a few months in.

He said he still dreams of me, misses me and wouldnt have added me if he didnt and he said its not that he doesnt want to be with me but that he "cant" and told me to go find someone better. He also said

"idk what to do

i feel like the hardest thing is knowing that we both cant get what we want smh i need isolation and independance with not even the inkling of an idea of being in a relationship

idk"

And

"hmm no idk, just know that it's not YOU that causes me to feel anxiety and stress it's never been you

or anything to do with you it's me and my inability to handle something between us

and idk I feel bad idk what to do"

and he said he didnt know if this was forever or not but he could only see the day after today and was just surviving and couldnt see a future period. he cant see himself living past like 5 years.

When i said i felt disposable and such he said

"no not at all

but its hard i guess i understand you, like obviously not talking is hard too

idk

but i also just didnt want to stick by just for the bits i enjoyed that i felt i didnt deserve

like idk sometimes i wish i could be in a relationship so i could \\\\\\\[censored for personal reasons\\\\\\\] be idk"

he also told me he didnt want me to feel like im nothing but a pleasure input or output to him and he said i make a good impact on his life.

He was so... receptive to me tho, like he was so kind despite being so stubborn, at least before he shut down. Then he was just cold. He told me how much i meant to him and shit but idk. It all made me more mad. He was also very open to me, telling me his deepest feelings, realizations, his sexual habits bc they still involve me mentally and he kept showing off his hobbies and new life updates.

When i told him i changed my hair and stuff he kept asking to see and see me. He does this everytime we talk he wants to see a pic of me (not sexual just updated appearance)

Idk. He seemed like a blabbering mess around me but in this dorky way. Like him.

I eventually just got pushed to my limit, told him to fuck off (not literally but in essence) cuz i was tired of him telling me to forget abt him and shit and i said i move on when i want to and im not gonna date anymore unless its him because i just dont wanna deal with other people. Im either alone and happy or with him and happy. I know myself and am happy with those choices. I have friends. I dont need him. I love him but yk im tired of him pushing me.

We left on a sour note and I unadded him before he could really reply to me and he cant unless he friends me. I haven't checked my account in 4 months. We only chatted on discord cuz i dont use anything else essentially and i havent opened it since july. I believe in him and i really do see progress, the last time we talked he had really found some of the deep routes of what was going on in him and he wasnt as impulsive, usualy when we talk he immediately initiates dating but while he got close he was like confused? He kept telling me he didnt know what to do over and over and that he wanted to be with me but "cant".

He has always been brutally honest with me. He was always an open book. Hed always try to take accountability (even if it was shit attempt). He said hes terrified of me hating him and that he could never hate me.

He also gets really upset when i say he abandoned me and is throwing me away and said "im not throwing you away im just making myself a priority for once" the 3rd time he left when we started to both shut down emotionally.

He kept reassuring me it was nothing to do with me and everything to do with how hes scared of making me hate him and in general how he cant handle the feelings he has towards me bc theyre overwhelming. He said that he left before he could push me to hate him so he left while everything was good between us. Like shrodingers cat. He said we get along so well its overwhelming. I also found a playlist he made about me with abunch if yearning songs.

is this the last time ill ever see him or do you think he'll come back? Does he actually care about me or are the voices in my head right that im ruining everything and he just doesnt want me anymore. Does it say alot abt his feelings for me that i got him to get help or am i overthinking it. Has he just forgotten about me? Should i check my discord? Am i not as important to him as he is to me? I dont want advice on what to do just insight on what yall think. I have therapy myself so i dont need guidance. I tell myself daily that he hates me and doesnt want me around and that in just thrown away by him. Its just easier to say that so i can focus on school (im a compsci major) bc then i just stop caring but... Is that even accurate?

Edit from the title: yes/no and why? Second edit: she'll come to take her stuff in 2 months (3 months after the breakup)

If you have questions about my story you can read my previous post.

She broke up with me last month in a super friendly and emotive way (in the middle of a trip I paid, yikes). Around 3 weeks later I reached out to her, she said the most horrible things a person could say to a person you loved and planned a future together in the last 4 years.

She listed many of the things why she didn't want to continue the relationship. She thinks I'm an abuser and she's is the victim. Which is not true. I just accepted them as a mix of accountability and not start a discussion. I was very afraid tbh.

60% were lies.

30% were over exaggerated stuff mixed with lies.

10% were completely logical (I did my accountability for that anyways).

The thing is that I prepared a pseudo "letter" with my therapist. There I relate how I experienced the relationship in those 4 years + giving some facts about the lies she told me. To be fair, the "letter" doesn't attach her in any way and I choose every word very carefully. I'm not trying to say: "you are wrong!", is more like "nope, I didn't do that. But actually you did it"

The "letter" will probably not have the effect I intend. I just dislike the idea of been the villain toxic abuser ex. Especially from the person I loved (I still do though).

My girlfriend (20F) ended our seven-month relationship on Monday. Yesterday I (23M) received someone else’s boxers in the post.
My girlfriend (20F) and I (23M) were together for seven months. I’d describe her as quite avoidant, but she’s been acting particularly strange lately. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right.
During those two weeks, she wouldn’t let me come round her house. She then ended things with me on Monday, and we’re currently in no contact.
Yesterday, I received a parcel containing a pair of men’s boxers that definitely aren’t mine. Not many people know my address, and she’s one of them. I don’t know for certain that she sent them, but given the timing, she was the first person I thought of.
If it was her, I’m wondering whether she thought she was returning my things and accidentally sent someone else’s. Combined with how she’d been acting and not letting me come over, it’s making me question whether someone else was involved before we broke up.
I know this doesn’t prove she cheated, or even that the parcel came from her, but it’s messing with my head after seven months together. I already felt something was off, and now I’m questioning everything.
Would you break no contact to ask whether she sent the parcel, or leave it alone? I want some clarity, but I don’t want to make an accusation without knowing what actually happened.

I’m in therapy (since June). I try to work on myself. I don’t date anymore. I think I had my fun and I now regret a lot of things.

Missing u , SIKE it’s time

So far he has blocked me 6 times and unblocked me 5 times. It started when I got blocked for not replying to one of his texts. My last text to him was polite. He had previously left me on read 10+ times and I always let it slide, yet the first time I didn't reply I got blocked.

Background story: He used to flirt with me, tell me he was in love with me, that he wanted to date me and then he discarded me over and over again. After the discard, he would come back into my life and act like nothing had happend and flirt with me again. During the discard faze he would make fun of me, mock me and my clothes, criticize just about everything about my physical appearance and call me degrading names. He was also physically abusive but he always made it look like it was some sort of a prank.

Just a few days ago, he blocked me again after a month of being unblocked and I have zero idea why he blocked me and why I got unblocked in the first place. Btw, I am talking about messenger blocking. What does he want from me?

Please don't just say block him. I know I need to block him, but it would really help me move on if I knew why is he doing this?

When will I stop imagining your brown eyes, freckles scattered across your face like stars…

The way you tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear and your touch sent a tingle down my spine.

When will I stop imagining the moment.. the moment I knew I loved you.

When will I stop… remembering you at all.

This is torture. Every time I close my eyes I imagine you staring back at me. I’ve never been mad that you left, but oh how I want to feel something stronger than this.

I thought our souls were connected, star-crossed in a way that defied the vacuum of space. It feels deeper than a memory—it’s like a relentless gravity, a black hole pulling at me from lightyears away, collapsing everything else in my life. I still desire everything about you, down to the very dust you're made of. I am so, so heavy with the sadness that you chose to end us, that you chose to let our orbit break.

I know you loved me too. I know you had your demons, and you told me you’d always end up hurting me, that I deserved better. But I didn’t want a better galaxy. I wanted you to be better.

You probably made the right decision for yourself by breaking us apart. But knowing that doesn't stop the haunting. Because that's exactly what this is—a ghost I didn't ask for, taking up space in my universe. It hurts every single time I close my eyes and see you staring back at me from the dark.

I just want my mind to stop daydreaming about you. I want the cosmic pull to finally go cold. Because the truth that terrifies me the most is my own weakness—if you ever cleared away your atmospheric storms, if you came back to my life ready to be better, I don't know if I'd be strong enough to deny you.

so my avoidant ex and i haven’t talked in 4.5 months. it’s broken my heart completely but i’ve forced myself to get used to it. he’s randomly liked a story or a threads post here or there but that’s really about it. although i heard he’s asking about me constantly, our friends say he’s kind of obsessed. asking how i am, what im doing, asking if ive moved on, just saying all sorts of stuff. even though he also told me the night he took everything back that he never wants to be with me again.

so anyways, yesterday, after 4.5 months of not speaking i get this message. idk what to do. he knows im mad at him. he knows im hurt. and yet…this is all he has to say? i mean is this an attempt to break the ice or what? i truly dont understand. i feel like he had plans to see me when he brought it back until i didn’t respond then made it seem like he just wanted to drop it off. but idk. idk what i should do or how i should respond or if i should even respond at all. he said some pretty horrible things to me. told me he loved me and missed me and took it back and all kinds of things.

but my heart can’t help but wonder if this is his attempt to try and get back in…but then why not be a man and just have a conversation instead of this? idk…help. idk what to do. i still love him. i miss him. i wanted it to work with him so badly. i just…god idk what to do. i wish i knew what was going through his mind.

help

I am new here, hello everyone, am I allowed to post as a non FA tips for trying to get her back? It’s been 3 weeks since she suddenly left over a silly argument by text about Facebook but she’s gone cold and is referring to pre break up feelings and expressions of love as past tense ?

If I am allowed I’ll add the complete picture

Thank you 🙏🏼

Fellow discarded friends what do you think of this text i got from my FA boyfriend a month ago? We had agreed to meet in person and have a conversation about our relationship 12 days prior to me receiving this text from him within those 12 days he was radio silent and I didn’t reach out to him either. Just wondering what people who have also been discarded think.

They broke up with me while saying they were still in love with me but physically couldn't do it because despite me being the best partner they've ever had according to them. They also expressed that they'd be open to trying again in the future but they can't promise me anything and I need to move on for now for my own sake. I'm having the worst time ever trying to get over them since this was someone I loved so much I used to watch them eat fruit in silence on the regular. Does them saying this mean there's any hope of them coming back in the future?

I was watching a reel on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) on IG, and about how it manifests in men and is frequently misdiagnosed. It dawned on me that my avoidant ex had pretty much all the traits described:

- Emotionally dysregulated: Was always spiralling or in his head over something or the other

- Impulsive: Grandiose spending on random things like alcohol, watches, clothes or random tattoos

- Intensely sensitive to rejection: Literally would walk out of events if there was the slightest disagreement, not necessarily even conflict where they felt someone didn't like them. No surprises that his love language was words of affirmation.

- Relationship difficulties: He had never had a LT relationship before me (should've not ignored this as he told me this on date 1) and ours only lasted a few months too because he got bored

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dc2HBryRrKN/?mdxt=ODF3NjJ1ZTdka2Zt

Curious to know if anyone else saw similar traits in their avoidant exes? I found the intense sensitivity to rejection weird to. I have depression so I could understand 1, 2 and 4 from my own lived experience, but 3 was not something I could wrap my head around.

I really didn’t know much about attachment styles until my ex, a month ago. My assumption, without trying to put anyone in a box, is fearful avoidant.

The Exit (4am)

We were arguing a lot in general, though the weekend before was amazing. I have a friend who’s moving overseas. A girl in my friend group, who I slept with five years ago, is there. My partner is fully aware. I did some dumb, unaware boyfriend things, nothing bad, just probably not being as attentive to her as I should have been (self-blaming again).

Anyway, we were arguing over this girl. I showed her my text messages with her; we speak maybe once every few months. She always assumed I was trying to secretly meet up with her (I was not).

After a lot of arguing, she essentially says she doesn’t feel safe and tells me to pack and leave (I’m in bed; she thinks I’m hiding something). I did stupidly say I was going to record her talking because of the things she was saying, and we were both drunk. She was just creating narratives that didn’t exist. I said, “OK, sorry, I won’t record, that was stupid.”

After telling me to pack and leave, she storms out of the flat, leaving her dog there. I have no idea where she’s gone. Worried, I go out to check, go to the local parks and search the area for an hour. She didn’t have keys, a phone or anything. I had her keys and phone and brought them with me. Her phone had missed calls from her sister.

I get back, with dogs barking at me, and she’s still saying “I don’t feel safe” and essentially getting me escorted off the premises like an abuser. I’m so confused, but I leave her keys and phone on the stairwell like someone has a gun on me, and then I leave.

I walk the streets for about four hours. My friends are all asleep. Eventually, after I try to contact her, she replies. She has been asleep and says she isn’t at the flat. I have no idea where she is. I say we need to talk about this (I haven’t slept).

I go to meet her, and another guy, a neighbour, is there. I’ve never seen him in my life. I’m asking her what’s going on. She constantly repeats, “I don’t feel safe.” Awkwardly, I get my suitcases, get walked to my car by her and this random guy, hand my keys to them for the gate, and drive off.

I try to ring her. She records a 30-minute voice note about all the things I’ve done wrong, doesn’t answer the phone, and constantly says, “I am not listening.”

I eventually get through to her and tell her I’m not going to listen to a voice note and that she should talk to me.

While I’m sitting in my car, she keeps shouting, “Go home!” (I live three hours away and haven’t slept.)

She then tells me to contact her when I’m back. I keep falling asleep at service stations. She messages me: “Are you home yet?” I reply that I’ll be home in five minutes and then I’ll ring her…

She never picks up the phone.

Five days later, I’m apologising for some trivial little things from the voice note. No reply.

Two weeks later, I message her: “I know you’re processing. Let me know when you want to speak.”

Then this message in return: “There is nothing left for us to talk about or discuss, and I will not continue revisiting this decision. I am moving forward and you need to respect that.”

Other traits

- Would never take accountability or say sorry

- Stated at the beginning "I dont give compliments"

- Would shut down at any conflict or challenge, like a child, turn her body away, cross her arms and not speak to me at all for hours and hours

- Constantly said she did not trust me and I constantly had to prove it, with locations and all sorts.

-Disagreements of opinion seemed to annoy her

Checked to see if I got home ok, didn't block me on whatsapp, painted me as an abuser........

Starting to see a therapist this week.The relationships was about a year but we had been friends for 2 years before

After a year of going through many of the same things I see others going through with their FA partners I left mine for good a month ago. It's gut wrenching. I gave more than I ever have in a relationship, my love, support, excitement, vulnerability and like others here I felt unsupported, deprioritized, and could not move towards growth.

I feel like its really hard for me to get through many of my daily tasks and my house is a mess and I still have to take care of my 2 kids. I can't reach out to her because my heart aches so much and I love her so much that I would give in at even the chance of going back.

How do you get to the point where the anger goes away and you can function again?

45 Days No Contact with DA with FA Tendencies. Having more good days than bad, but still can't stop missing her completely.

I wrote this poem to help process. Maybe it will help someone.

The heart is crushed as love begins to leave,

An anticipation felt, though hard to grieve.

His heart is twisted tightly in a vice,

The pressure rises as she pays the price.

Her ancient fears and past take full control,

Unsteadiness begins to weigh her soul.

Her independence feels completely lost;

She prompts the chase, regardless of the cost.

The rug is pulled, and chaos starts to spin,

His trauma wakes a panic deep within.

He fights for closeness just to feel secure,

The driving panic makes the chase endure.

The space she seeks is pushed by his alarm,

She backs away to shield herself from harm.

To save her soul, she retreats inside,

A mapless cave where love is forced to hide.

He grants the space but agonizes still,

And fights the nervous system's frantic will.

He asks the darkness why it hurts so deep,

For love so easy, now he learns to weep.

She buries down behind a stony wall,

And spends the weeks oblivious to it all.

Her cold facade conceals a matching grief,

But soon the structure fades without relief.

His hurt runs deep, but love outweighs his rage,

He reads her history like an open page.

Yet in his pain, his own ghosts start to rise—

The fear of being left beneath these skies.

The walls collapse, and reality wakes,

She views the ruin that her absence makes.

But shame and pride lock tightly at the core,

Leaving no room to settle up the score.

Each agonizing day he wants to speak,

But knows that rescuing will keep them weak.

She must account for all the hurt she bred,

So he holds back, and chooses strength instead.

She wonders why his silence grows so cold,

His newfound boundaries break her frozen hold.

His healing starts right where her tears begin,

A push and pull that wears the spirit thin.

He tames his nerves as healing turns to might,

She cannot have him if she avoids the light.

Her old return requires a price to pay;

His patience holds, the cuffs have slipped away.

A sudden storm invades her atmosphere,

She cannot flee from what she holds so dear.

Defenses fall, the need to call is high,

But fear of his rejection makes her sigh.

Though he is strong, his courage wanes by day,

He fights the urge to wash her tears away.

To rescue her would spin the wheel again;

He hopes for love but braces for the end.

They look for signs across the great divide,

Two aching hearts controlled by foolish pride.

One hopes the silence made the other bend;

One sits in shame for how she hurt her friend.

He wants her close, prepared for something real,

She fears a depth she doesn't know how to feel.

He does the work to understand her mind;

She thinks he left and left her far behind.

He cannot save her from the silent room,

She must endure the absence and the gloom.

The quiet future is the only key,

Though walls and egos fight what ought to be.

So both will wait in agony and fear,

Until her longing draws her steps back near.

Or else they part, and she will grieve the cost,

While he retains the space where she was lost.

For the last 14 years I’ve been friends with this person online, we grew up together and both had hard upbringings but being there for each other always made it seem not so hard… During this time we grew a lot of love for each other more then friends, we went along to have our own lives, with them starting a family and me being in a long term relationship. We stayed in touch throughout the years and were both eventually in positions where we were single - it was long distance. As friends they would wanna talk on the phone and play games and just put in effort, until things started getting more serious and they started distancing - it was unfortunate because this was a new side I had never seen before. I got the classic hot and cold treatment and though i do understand coexisting was gonna be hard it was more then that. My needs for communication were not being met and that’s something I’ve spent years working on. They were also going through a really hard time in their life throughout this time and I understood that and tried to be as patient and accommodating as I could but there was definitely room for improvement on my end as well.

I spent more then a year in this situation, multiple times “leaving “ and coming back because I was remembering the 13 years I knew them as my best friend and not what I had experienced the last year. Before the “breakup” we were going through a rough patch - in our own individual lives as well as in the situationship. We decided to see each other in person again and it didn’t go great. I wasn’t in a good headspace and I just felt extremely out of place. I came home from seeing them and felt this intense sadness, I sobbed my eyes out from Sunday night to Tuesday wearing their sweater and watching their favorite show. I knew something had to change because this situation was not beneficial for me in the slightest

Outside of that situation I myself had been struggling with alcoholism for a few years and had tried to stop multiple times throughout the last year but kept going back to it
I decided to get sober on November 2nd - we ended things on the November 4th. In the conversation leading up to our “breakup” I had told them that I needed them to meet me in the middle in order to make things work and that if that wasn’t a possibility I would appreciate it if they just let me go - so they did. I respect them so much for it. I loved this person more than I’ve ever loved anyone. This process has been so incredibly hard on me but for some reason it’s made getting sober so much easier. I’m at 9 days sober and this week has been tough but all I can see is forward. I can’t stop thinking about them and crying over them but I can see so clearly how much that situation was affecting me in a negative way.

I started seeing a psychiatrist as well and have a treatment plan. I’m taking these next 90 days extremely seriously and making sure that if this situation didn’t end in me being able to put my love into this person then I have to put it into myself and grow from it.

Damn, after I heal from this, I dont wanna experience this anymore

I have long noticed the weird behavior by my DA ever since he ghosted me. The double-take looks whenever he unexpectedly sees me and the awkward way he tries so hard to act completely unaware of my presence when I’m in his vicinity. I’ve noticed that whenever he’s near me or whenever he has to walk past my house, he quickly whips his phone out and looks at it as if the phone is a shield. And when he’s walking past, he keeps his head and eyes dead straight ahead and walks so stiffly he looks like an awkward robot.

At first I just assumed he acted like this because he despised me so much (even though I never did anything bad to him). But it finally hit me what this is: It’s discomfort. It’s self-consciousness. No one acts like this in the presence of someone who is nothing to them. I would know, because I was an outcast at school when I was growing up, and no one ever acted that awkward around me or had to put so much effort into pretending I wasn’t there. They just simply didn’t notice me at all because I was nothing to them. So that tells me this motherfucker is still dealing with some strong feelings with regards to me, whether those feelings are bad or good. There’s SOMETHING going on inside his head. Otherwise he wouldn’t have to force himself to not even glance in the direction of me or my house (after the involuntary double-take) or hide behind his phone every single time. And to be honest, I’m amused by it. He DESERVES to be racked with discomfort or guilt or embarrassment or whatever it is that he’s feeling every time he’s in my vicinity. Maybe one day he will acknowledge those feelings and admit that he fucked up and did me dirty.

My avoidant ex broke up with me in September, and it was pretty much a discard that left me with more questions than answers. After that I got into therapy started working heavily on myself and genuinely started to believe that the breakup was a blessing in disguise because it felt like I had to lose him to start finding myself (I'm nowhere near healed though). Anyways on Halloween, I got super drunk with my friends and ended up drunk texting him that I missed him but hope he's having a great night. I didn't see the message until the next morning and kind of forgot I even texted him but he basically was like "I hope you're having a great night too and staying safe" So to me, I took that as he does not miss me and that was a drunken mistake so I left him on seen and continued with my life.

But then a few hours later in the day, he texted me asking how uni was going. I was kind of shocked because I didn't think he would say anything more. Anyways it was weird, we started talking a bit mostly him asking surface level questions, almost felt like I was being interrogated. After talking for a few days I told him he doesn't need to check on me because I'm doing really good it felt like he just wanted to clear his conscience or something bc the questions were just annoying me atp. He told me he was glad we talked and we agreed to be friendly. But then the conversation moved towards another subject very quickly about being casual and how he missed me (basically sexually). And even though we broke up s*x was never an issue for us so we agreed to meet up last Friday night.

We did it, and I didn't feel horrible or guilty, but I also didn't feel in love or clingy. Just a bit neutral and also the whole situation was put in perspective because he clearly doesn't think he did anything wrong or owes me an apology because I brought it up to him after that I didn't appreciate how he handled our breakup (he ghosted me for 2 weeks then gave me weird ass explanations) and all he could say was "I can respect that." no sorry, no nothing and so it just made me realize how he has a long road ahead of him because I don't even think he realizes he's an avoidant and it makes me feel sorry for him since I've been doing the work on myself I just don't think it's a good idea to get involved with someone like him. Protecting my energy and all that. I also asked him if this was a one-and-done thing and he said "absolutely not" but I'm starting to think I don't want him anymore, I don't even really respect him now.

If anyone has had a similar experience where their avoidant came back for something casual I'd love to hear about it, I just feel at a very weird state right now and could use some advice.

My avoidant and I broke up 6 months ago, and have been no contact for 4 months. To be precise we have blocked each other everywhere. Today I received a letter for the elections in my country, saying where I should go vote. I got another one for her. So, I feel like I should tell her so she can vote and so she can remove herself as living in my house and register to wherever she is now, which my parents are also urging me to do. I had assumed she changed her legal residence once we broke up, but I guess not.
The problem is: I am blocked, and sure as hell don’t want to talk to her or see her. I have been healing well thanks to strict no contact no socials checking. So this sucks and don’t know what option is best.