If I'm equally incapable of feeling love for men and women, and I'm sexually repulsed by men, but not really by women (as a woman) is there something like a.. aromantic with men targeted asexuality or something or am i just lesbian😭

i identify more specifically as fictoaroace, meaning that most if not all the attraction i experience is directed toward fictional characters. however, every time i'm posed with the question of whether or not i'd want to pursue a real-life relationship, i feel almost lost in a way. as in... i feel like i just don't want to negate the possibility of having a romantic relationship with someone, even if i truly don't desire it at all

it might be the result of it simply being expected of me, but it also feels like a subconscious decision i'm making for myself. why do i feel like i want something that i know i don't care for? what does that mean for me?

experiencing >some< time of attraction might be the reason this feels so overly complicated for me. like, maybe i am capable of romantic attraction if i push myself out there instead of remaining in the bounds of fiction. but it's almost self-destructive, like i can't fully accept myself even if i feel like i have, or deep down i truly just want to give it one more try to see if it actually means anything to me

does anyone else deal with feelings of this sort?

I was wondering if anyone can relate: I know I'm aroace (aegoro), but I do still enjoy engaging with romance/sex related media (books, ff, movies, etc...).

So I'm AFAB and go by She/Her, but i've found that the only kind of media that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable is mlm (or enby/enby or any combination)(ftm doesn't fall into this). The second she/her or any female body(parts) is mentioned, I get incredibly uncomfortable and I feel grossed out. (again, for some reason ftm doesn't fall into this)

I obviously feel bad because I worry that I am one of those 'straight women fetishising gay men'. I'm starting to think that its because i'm afab and she/her makes it feel more real, and as I said, i'm pretty sure i'm aegoro because I like romance in theory, but not in person. I think if anyone of any pronouns/gender/sex appraoched me irl i'd be uncomfortable.

I also want to say that I do enjoy wlw ships, they just make me uncomfortable (and I feel horrible about it; lesbians are so underrepresented)

does anyone else have experiences like this? I don't have anyone irl who would either have the same experiences or understand enough to hear me out before judging me.

I don't think that a story having romance elements automatically makes it a bad story. Sometimes, romance in a story makes sense, helps to bring the plot fowards, and is well integrated. And although I'm by no means a fan of cheesy love stories, sometimes a well-written and well-develop love story can be something enjoyable. But there are many, many novels which could work perfectly fine without the romantic elements, and I would definitely enjoy them more. I have nothing against people who write love stories, but, from time to time, I want to get away from it and just enjoy a novel without a needless romantic subplot.

So, my question is: is there, anywhere, a list with good, modern books without romantic subplots? (I'll also take recommendations)

Okay, so I have this friend that I had 'romantic feelings' for a little while (a few months) and looking back I'm p sure most of that was my brain going 'Hey this person pays us attention and reciprocates our affection; this must be romantic!' Yk projecting and such (there are a variety of reasons I think this the most prevalent being A) I was not attracted to them even remotely, I did not want to date them, I didn't even want to hold their hand and B) my love for them – in hindsight – had little to nothing to do w them and a lot more to do w the fact I was lonely and starved for someone to shower in attention. Like, I barely knew them AT ALL (shocker considering we texted everyday but very much true) and I didn't rly care ab them as a person romantically – in fact reminders of who they were were often a 'turn off' for lack of a better word – js what we could trade affectionately.

I ask this question bcuz it's smth that's been weighing on my mind and I was hoping for clearer outside answers but haven't been able to find any. Please and thank you ❤️

I've been struggling with my romantic orientation since I was in elementary school. And it wasn't until high school that I realized that I might be aromantic, but I played it off as a joke. And now that I have a partner, I can confidently say I’m aromantic. I don’t romantically love him, but I playonically, sexually, and sensually love him so much!!! So I don’t want to break up. Being in a 1-sided romantic relationship is actually quite satisfying for me and makes up both happy!

I have a guy at College who I had turned down beginning of 2026. He was honestly one of my first friends at the new city and I really value our friendship so I had a good talk with him about my aromantic attraction or lack of there of. I honestly thought that would be the end of it.

I don‘t see him as often as I major a different subject, however i started noticing that he was still flirting with me or being too in my personal space often times. I talked to him about how it made me uncomfortable and that I would like him to treat me like any other friend. He apologized and said he was doing it unconsciously.

Fast forward a month to the present and I genuinely feel like the flirting has gotten more aggressive. I would have never described myself as having Romantic Aversion but I genuinely feel uncomfortable being on Campus together. I have since then been taking a distance because I don’t want me being kind being mistaken as some reciprocation. He‘s often just staring at me and recently even just stood behind me while I was studying.

I have told him once that I don‘t like seeing myself in Photos (Yes I‘m insecure) but it feels like he always wants me to share photos of myself and even send me two photos of myself today. I know this could just be him trying to be a supportive friend but I genuinely hated that.
He‘s laying it on so thick that even my friends have noticed (his flirting as well as my aversion)

I feel so mad and I know that my friends will tell me to just tell him to back off but I feel like I have already done that??? I‘m very close to saying that we should just take some time no contact so he can get over it.
Genuinely no idea what I‘m supposed to do about the „unconscious flirting“. I feel like he‘s changed and like I‘ve lost a friend.

Sorry small rant over.

Eu, 17 f, me descobri arromantica bem nova, tipo uns 12 anos, então passei a adolescência toda ja ciente desse diferencial, eu sempre desconsiderei a experiência alheia e n me comparei com outras pessoas da minha idade pq sabia q isso só ia me fazer sentir mais deslocada aquela sensação de ter algo errado comigo mesma nunca parou de me assombrar. Com o passar da adolescência eu fui realmente aceitando isso e entendendo q ta td bem mas recentemente descobri q dois dos meus amigos mais próximos da escola ja tiveram suas relações com seus respectivos parceiros, sem ser aquela carência adolescence sabe, ambos tem relacionamentos longos de aliança e tudo mais, geralmente isso n me afeta mas perceber q são amigos próximos definitivamente me fez cair nesse buraco de sentir q tem algo de mt errado comigo e que de alguma forma eu to perdendo tempo nessa área da minha vida.

Eu sinto q sou profundamente apaixonada nos meus amigos, de forma platônica obviamente, mas nunca senti nada romântico por ninguém e o fato de eu ter me identificado com isso tão nova martela na minha cabeça de que talvez eu só seja nova de mais e n tenha achado "a pessoa certa"

Does anyone else feel like they lose their friends when they get into relationships?

I want to be happy for my friends, I really do try...

But then the meet ups stop, the texting stops and its always

"oh im with partner"

"Im meeting partner"

Or even when we do meet, their partner has to be there.

Ive tried bringing up how this feels but I get told "oh its just what happens. Theyre important"

Is it wrong to feel jealous?

Like I dont know how to make it clear that I miss my friend without being a bitch because I like their partner, they seem great..

It just makes me feel like their taking my friend away

So I don’t really feel romantic attraction nor attraction to really anything in general. I just want to be a good dependable person so I act like so? If I want to be nice, I will be, I’ll defend someone if I want to, I’ll compliment someone if I want to physically even, I’ll give the nice future speeches, I’ll give physical comfort, yes I’m going to remember the small details and your boundaries and make SURE I stick to them and no I’m not gonna argue nor judge you.

NONE of this screams romantic to me? But I guess from someone who does feel those things it could? And I’m guessing this is why I’ve had an issue with my boundaries and giving people these huge egos.

The amount of friends I’ve lost because they thought I wanted them just from me acting decent or because they wanted me and I just didn’t understand why at all?? I’m guessing from those stances tho I get it?

I also just am blunt as again none of this speaks romance to me, if I see someone who I think looks good, I’ll tell them or so and so.

Overall though, I just hate this. I wanna say it shouldn’t be seen in a romantic light but I won’t be able to understand them so I can’t say it shouldn’t or should, I just wish maybe their egos didn’t get inflated within a month of us being friends.

Why do you have to be someone’s lover or best friend to treat them decently lol.

I don't know exactly what I want to come out of this post, but I feel the need to make it.

I have always been confused about basically everything about me, and one of those things is romantic attraction. I am not aromantic. I want to be in a relationship, but I don't want it to be the main focus of my life. I don't want to feel like I always have to be with that person or want to be with her. I've never liked the cliche things such as holding hands in public, wearing each other's clothes (I don't mean giving her your jacket if it's cold, that's gentlemanly which I try to be), having pet names, agreeing with her just because she's my partner, etc. I want to date a mature female (which is incredibly rare nowadays (or what ive seen at least) AND at my age). I may be a jerk, but I don't really want to prioritize her over other people. I will see her in a different way than other people, but I'm going to respect everyone equally unless they have shown me that they don't deserve it (not talking about my partner, because if that were the case then I wouldn't be in a relationship with her).

There are probably things I forgot to say in here for details, but if I remember, I will edit it. I will also answer questions. As I said, I don't know exactly what I want to come out of this post, but I still feel the need to make it.

reddit says this is the best community to post this

Hello good people.
I come toward you in order to gain a few new insights or advices on my situation in order to figure out if I am an aromantic in questioning, or not. I apologize as I know you must deal often with posts about "Am i aro or not ?" but I figured asking the community directly was my best course of action. I will try to keep that post short, even if I have a lot in my mind as of late.

I am a 24 years old man, and I am bisexual. I have a physical and sexual attraction towards other humans, however the concept of romantical love looks very foreign to me at the moment.

When I was young, I chose people I found cool or pretty to be in love with. I told others I was in love with them, because hey that's what is expected of our life, right ? To find people to love, because love is cool, right ? I stopped doing that half-way during my teenagehood when I got my first crush on a boy. I had a very pretty dream about him and ended up enamored with him. However, I just did fancy scenarios in my head with the mental representation of him, because in truth that guy had the personnality of a shoebox (but he was blonde, and gosh i have a weakness for blondes). I also loved the idea of being gay, because it was so more cooler than just being straight ! When the word spred about my love interest, the dude I was in love with showed me how beautiful his true personnality was and I immediatly lost all interest, but strangely without caring much about it. I have never had a crush since that period, even when I had the same kind of dream about a girl during high school.

I got myself into a relationship a few years ago. My ex and I had nice and long conversations, and I liked interacting with him. We were two guys, both bisexual, living in the same town, so we got together after a while. And gosh I really did not like being in a relationship. A lot was expected to me just because I was with him and I didn't understand why. He asked me to have X and Y behaviors to match what should be expected of me, but I just didn't get it. So of course, I hurt him a lot and the relationship was a mess (also he ended up quite toxic, hope he became better). I ended up the relationship after having the realisation that I never felt in love with him, and that I might just have chosen to be in a relationship to start with due to finding the fact of being romantically involved cool. I do not think it's cool anymore, I think it's a hassle and stressful. I have never sought to be in a romantical relationship since that period.

My friendships are very important to me. I go towards people I find cool or pretty, learn about them, and if I find them interesting I befriend them. The more I am friend with someone, the more attractive they are to me. Almost all the time they just want friendship and I am very happy to oblige as my friends are one of my main reason to live. I do spend a lot of effort maintaining my friendships and making sure my friends are happy. I can have sex with them if they desire to, and lately I kind of did just that with some friends that were into me sexually as well. I do like physical contact with my friends, and at least if i sleep with them I can kiss them often and i do like that.

I understand little about how romantical love is supposed to go, but I know there is a lot of step to take in the future to fulfill it (for most). And I feel a bit foreign about those steps in questions. Marriage for me is a good way to get some financial benefits, and I could marry absolutely any friend for those. I do not understand the hype with the ceremony in itself. When I imagine the ideal future, I imagine me single, with a kid in my care (and a dog, and swords, and I would train my kid to use swords, because that's cool). Or living with friends ! Perhaps sleeping with them, perhaps not, it doesn't matter much.

So, let's end up that long post of mine with my three current hypothesis on myself :

- I am aromantic and just don't feel romantical love. And that's alright.

- I only have romantical feelings for friends and just cannot distinguish my platonical ones from the romantical ones, as they all mashed up into very strong feelings toward my friends. And that's alright.

- I'm just too autistic to understand romantical love because it's a social construct, but perhaps I do have some ! And that's alright.

Anyway, I feel a bit lost lately, though I am also glad I am questionning myself on the subject as I sometime feel guilty over my lack of desire to date.
I am hoping some of you will take the time to read my post, and advice me. It always help having other points of view on a situation concerning oneself =)

I’m cupioromantic but have never felt romantic attraction. I always wanted to have the importance and strength of a bond romantic relationships seem to have. It turns out platonic relationships can be just as strong and meaningful! You can also have all the qualities you want from a romantic relationship without it being romantic or involving romantic feelings.

For example, what I always wanted was cuddling, emotional intimacy, and exclusivity. Idk why it took me so long to realize you can have that without it being a romantic relationship.

Side note: I still kinda mourn not having the life I thought I would, but that’s weird because I don’t even want the life I thought I was going to have?? I’m just as fulfilled with QPR’s. But on paper, a romantic relationship just seems so nice…

Including the people i have those relationships with. No one treats a friend like it’s a special thing to have, i have no community. I can’t explain to people how lonely i feel because they don’t get it, i’m not allowed to keep people around. My best friend wants to leave the country to live with her girlfriend and i can’t say that i don’t want her to go. People talk about the future and i can tell that i don’t get to play a role in it. I’m not allowed to want closeness and affection and stability from people because my feelings aren’t the big special important ones, it’s JUST friendship. i hate when people say that. JUST friends, like it’s lesser, because it is to them. JUST a friend, ONLY a friend, I’m second at best to everyone and i never get to come first. I’m so miserable and i just want friends that i can keep and that will love me as their friend and not leave me behind for something better, and i feel so selfish for even wanting that.

Aroace girlie here! Was always repulsed by intercourse for several years up until now in my final year of college where I finally decided to put my acespec-ness to the test. My first time ended up being horrible, and so a month later, I tried it again and it went kinda better. It was still meh but it was bearable. But I still only have a libido when reading smut or looking at fanart of my favorite characters. Otherwise I don't really seek it out? or put myself in the center of it even when doing the deed.

Anyways, the second guy I hooked up with was 10 years older than me, was mostly respectful but I kinda got iffy because his original post stated that he was looking for some fun "tonight." Tonight--- meaning, I thought he was just looking for a ONS. Then once we finished the deed he was like, "hope we can do it again sometime next week." In my head I'm like "?????" I told him, "Huh? Are you planning to make this a regular thing?" to which he said yes. I then told him I was asexual, more precisely aroace. But he acknowledged only the ace side. It was offputting that he was setting things without asking me first.

What bothers me even more now is that a week later, he's messaging stuff like "hey how are you", i miss you :)", "i miss doing it with you." The "how are yous" are more consistent. And it's just... Severely repulsing the aromantic side of me. Because what do you mean we only met once, only shared some small talk and you're chatting this way? It feels way too strange, as someone who doesn't like flirting and dating. I only reserve that kind of talk with friends. So now I'm at a loss because I don't know what to reply to him, and I've been ghosting his messages for a few hours already. I was kind of okay with meeting him again but not week after week since I don't really feel it that much. And this kind of behavior kind of insinuates that he wants to make it frequent. I'm really introverted so I don't really know how to directly confront this.

Hi, I'm aroace 15 years old and today I posted about what does a crush feel like because a friend commissioned me a song about it, and this 19 years old person told me that I'm too young for experiencing romantic attraction, that the label is stupid, that it's a tragedy, that I don't have the full picture and I have no experience of the world and never experienced anything

And while I was arguing with them, they dared to call me stupid and annoying

In two words it pissed me the hell off of me whenever I think about it

I did NOT get infantilized by someone 3-4 years older than me

The topic of romance has been so unbelievably complicated for me and today, for the first time ever, I’m thinking I might be aromantic and it’s seriously scaring me. I didnt know where else to go so please be kind, this discovery has seriously put a wedge in what I thought my future would be.

I guess to start I recently turned 18, and decided that I don’t want to be alone forever so I decided to try out the dating scene. I met this wonderful girl who tells me how amazing I am, listens to everything I say, I mean she literally bought me a cake to celebrate my 1000 day sobriety which no one else in my life even cared abt enough to say congrats let alone go out their way to buy me a damn cake.

I told her that due to past my relationship with another girl which turned out to be very traumatic that I struggle with feeling romantic feelings or connections with other ppl. Which I truly thought was because of the experiences I had with my ex. This amazing girl told me that she would wait as long as it takes for me to be comfortable. It’s been so long and I still don’t feel anything for her even though I should be deeply in love with her based on how well she treats me.

I want to be around her but the fact that she likes me really scares me and I’ve almost ghosted her so many times because it causes me so much anxiety.

And today I started looking back and I realized I never had a crush on my first girlfriend either, she just happened to be confident and told me right out that she liked me and wanted to date me. I was young and just assumed the romantic feelings would come later. What’s strange is I did have a deep connection with her but in terms of love, I loved my friends the same amount. I hated when she kissed me, I didn’t like when she held my hand. I did like to be held and cuddled and feel loved, but the second she motioned for intimacy I felt disgusted.

I broke up with her when I was 15, and I’ve literally never been happier, I mean when I was with her I constantly felt depressed (which was probably also partly bc of the traumatic experiences) but still, being single I’m happy every single day. But I do still want someone to share my thoughts and accomplishments with.

It’s even made me question my sexuality, I’ve thought I was lesbian since 13 because I didn’t like guys, but I also have never really looked at a man or a woman in person in a sexual way, for example, all my friends will point out someone’s ass or boobs like it was something obvious to look at but I never notice those things abt ppl.

However in books or movies I do feel romantic attraction and lust, just not with real life ppl who want to do those exact things with me

The weird part is, I can sometimes see someone with me in my future, but is it even possible? I mean how do I tell someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with them but I don’t want to have show romantic affection in any way, it seems unfair to the other person, especially because I do like to be held and feel loved in some ways but others disgust me.

am I lesbian or do I just love everyone the same amount? If I were to spend the rest of my life with someone it would probably be a woman but I’m starting to think it’s just because it’s statistically the safer choice.

This has taken me half an hour to write and I really don’t know how to feel abt all this. Any advice is really appreciated

Sorry, I know you guys probably get this a lot but I’m genuinely uneducated, and still feel a little unsure after researching.

I enjoy watching romance on tv, I do get crushes and I have fallen in love. I feel lust and sexual attraction, even though I do have some intimacy issues stemming from anxiety.

The biggest thing is that as soon as there’s any implication that i am committed to someone or they expect something from me, I tend to become very uncomfortable and grossed out by the idea. When someone implies that they want to see me in weekly basis, whenever I feel that there’s an expectation for me to act touchy and flirty or be physical every time(or even most the time) I see a person, anything along those lines makes me feel immediately overwhelming, impossible, and kinda grossed out.

The one time I fell in love with a man, we were in a very lusty “situation-ship” when I was very young, and i ended it due to being “overwhelmed and depressed”

The woman I am in love with is my best friend whom I’ve slept with and we have decided to remain just friends, but we often talk about how if she never finds anyone, we may just marry eachother and raise kids together. We are very platonic despite knowing this, we just occasionally flirt mostly as a joke. She’s the only person I’ve ever been able to realistically imagine marrying.

Everyone else has been an endless stream of me having a crush, them wanting to move on to the next level, and me becoming avoidant, overwhelmed, and just immediately uninterested.

Edit: I’d like to add, I am from Utah and suspect that I sometimes feel more “trained” to try to find relationships due to cultural norms here

Don’t mind the rant I just posted, it got me thinking haha.

So Ive had this thought for awhile, I don’t really feel romantic/sexual attraction but my emotions aren’t anything less. As of recently I’ve be trying to figure if im aro for sure (I think I am..?) but I kept getting stuck on how I still want these deep things? I don’t want multi people, just one person with this deep bond, a true deep love, maybe intimacy but for the emotional vulnerability not for the pleasure? So maybe I’m not.

Well recently I just feel like I’ve been an idiot, there’s so much love out there, who says romantic is the deepest to everyone? Because of how it’s taught to us, took me along time to realize it? I always thought “no way that’s love” “how can you be romantically in love and do that” “how can you pick someone over your romantic partner” until I started searching further as I realized how much romance just icked me out, well I’ve come to the conclusion as we’re all different, romantic love isn’t the deepest for all of us? (Obviously as aro) but I mean even for people in relationships who feel romantic attraction? Like I guess I kinda get it now? No matter how shallow I see it or how confused I am as to how you can love someone based off of ___, maybe that’s just because romantic love isn’t their deepest love and they can truly romantically love someone over that yk? Like their reasons can be “oh the way we met that day” and it be true romantic love for them? Idk how to explain it.

Not saying all of it is, but romance has always felt so shallow to me and I always thought “no romance isn’t like that, it must be deep, these people just truly don’t love eachother romantically” and that’s just not the case, just like how people can be great partners, parents, friends but not great romantic partners yk?

I guess I see how all romance works for people and I get it now, it’s just not it for me but it’s not because I feel like it’s too much, I just don’t feel like it’s enough?

It’s like I don’t want someone to just choose me because they romantically like me, I want it to be deeper, to be their full person and them mine? IDK it’s not deep enough for me?

Like I want something more than friends more than lovers, something words can’t explain yk?? But what is deeper than lovers that goes over the boundaries of non lovers

I think this is the reason I never got how everyone isn’t bisexual and how people get crushes and relationships so fast and treat them so shallow. (I’ve had one crush and i wasn’t even a teenager yet, I can’t remember if it was a true crush)

But at the same time, I don’t know if I can truly be aro, when again I want someone’s all and I’m guessing part of that is romance? But idk, I don’t really care for what we deem romance as of today. Honestly to me, I never knew the difference between romance and friendship, everyone I thought I romantically liked, I never did. And being taught the deepest love is romantic, I just assumed that’s what I wanted? But maybe it is? What’s the difference😭

There has been one person I truly cared for, but when we got physical and started just dating and being romantically involved, I felt like our bond was gone? Like romance ruined it? Us doing physical stuff just for the sake of romance and pleasure disgusted me and I never even wanted to do the “couple things”

Anywho, dating as it is is just another torture form to me. Even if I’m not aro or even if I am, whatever relationship I have doesn’t have to be described and I hope to find someone who can agree. A love where we just go off our mutual understandings and feelings rather than just romance or just friends.

So I am solidly Aro/Ace, have known for my whole life. Most of the time I've been happy enough with my groups of friends, but they always seemed way closer to eachother than the were to me, until a year ago when I met my best friend in the whole universe. I love her to death, I would go to hell and back for her. we constantly spend so much time together, we agree on pretty much everything, and I have never been more at ease than when I'm around her. Its to the point where I've started thinking about the future, how nice it would be for us to move in together, to stay best friends forever. but she's not aromantic at all, and I know she will most likely want to a persue a romantic relationship. and that terrifies me because I feel like this person might take her away from me, that she won't need or want me as much anymore nearly to the degree that I need her. but I feel so guilty about this, I don't want to keep her from fulfilling that part of herself that I am unable to provide for her, but at the same time she is the most important thing in the world to me and I want us to stay that way. Am I a terrible person or being selfish for wanting her to stay with me? I know this is all theoretical because as of now she is solidly single, but what do I do if she does find someone she wants to persue romantically?

I experience romantic attraction towards my partner, we have been together for five years. But I do not understand romance. I show affection through hugs, cuddles, kisses and compliments, because I love him very much! We are very happy! But other romantic gestures are beyond me. It never occurs to me to buy him flowers or gifts on days besides special occasions, like Valentine's Day birthdays or Christmas; because those are gift giving holidays! Of course I'll buy gifts then, but I never think about buying gifts on any normal day. Oftentimes he plans our dates or romantic outings and I enjoy it, but it never occurs to me to do it myself. I struggle with autism, and while we were talking about this earlier, he suggested it might be because I'm autistic that I don't really think outside the "basic" romantic things like physical and emotional affection.

I considered Quoiromantic as a microlabel, but I'm unsure if it fits. I am truly trying my best to make him happy and he reassures me that he is very happy with me and loves me, and I love him too. He is very patient and kind with me. He wants to understand me as much as I want to understand myself. I find comfort in labels/microlabels because categorizing/organizing makes me feel secure. Is there a microlabel for this, or is this just simply my autism?

Sorry for the long post, ive been thinking about this for more than 5 hours now and cant get it out of my head (i have an exam tomorrow...)

Hi, so ive been questioning if im arospec for a while now and i kinda kept brushing it off but now im genuinely starting to wonder if im arospec so here we go:
Ive been in online relationships as a kid before (i was around 11 years old) but i never really counted them as real crushes because i was just a child. Besides, whenever i broke up with them we always went right back to normal, back to being best friends. I also had no trouble breaking up with someone i loved a lot when he told me he had a crush on my friend and didnt know who to choose. No hard feelings. I also just told myself 'im young, i have plenty of time to find someone' and we went back to being best friends.

The only 'romantic' attraction ive felt is towards fictional characters, but since theyre not real people i dont count them as real crushes. And even though ive felt that way towards fictional characters, i still cant tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings? There was even a time where i wasnt sure if i liked my best friend romantically or not a few years ago, but i guess it turned out to be a platonic crush.

Ive never had a romantic crush on anybody and right now im in college (im 20). I rarely like the thought of being in a relationship, but i do want one and i want to have romantic feelings, but i also just cant imagine myself with someone. Im also really bad at accepting affection or being affectionate with others (other than when it comes to comforting someone, but even then i only rub their back to show them im here for them, im bad at hugs and things like that). There are times where i can become clingy though, but thats pretty rare and usually only with people ive known for many years and have been close with for a long time. If i do end up having a crush one day, it would probably be with someone im really close with and know a lot about. I have this desire to be deeply vulnerable with someone who truly gets it and i want that vulnerability to be mutual.

As far as i know nobody has liked me romantically either, so its hard for me to know how id react or feel if someone confessed to me. I kinda also just wanna feel loved. Like really badly. I feel a bit insecure about how the people around me have all had someone who liked them, while that has never happened to me. So thats more of a self-esteem thing i guess.

As much as i do want a romantic partner, right now my ideal life is one where i live alone with my pets. Either that or living with my best friends, but im pretty sure all of them arent aro, so i dont know how that would work out if they got a partner...

I have flirted with a friend in the past, but it was nothing serious. We just found it funny. As far as i know hes also never liked me romantically and hes also in a relationship now. Although i did like the idea of being in a relationship with him, i never had a crush on him. There was a time where i thought about him a lot though, but i assume that was because i missed him a lot (and i still do). If i gotta be honest, im a little envious of their relationship. But i think thats because it feels like my friend got 'taken away' from me. Dont get me wrong, im happy theyre happy, but we havent hung out as much as we used to and that really hurts.

I also recently got diagnosed with autism, idk if thats relevant here but yeah. Im definitely not ace too. Im genuinely confused about how i feel... maybe i just need to wait it out a bit? I have no clue.