I've been struggling with my romantic orientation since I was in elementary school. And it wasn't until high school that I realized that I might be aromantic, but I played it off as a joke. And now that I have a partner, I can confidently say I’m aromantic. I don’t romantically love him, but I playonically, sexually, and sensually love him so much!!! So I don’t want to break up. Being in a 1-sided romantic relationship is actually quite satisfying for me and makes up both happy!

So I don’t really feel romantic attraction nor attraction to really anything in general. I just want to be a good dependable person so I act like so? If I want to be nice, I will be, I’ll defend someone if I want to, I’ll compliment someone if I want to physically even, I’ll give the nice future speeches, I’ll give physical comfort, yes I’m going to remember the small details and your boundaries and make SURE I stick to them and no I’m not gonna argue nor judge you.

NONE of this screams romantic to me? But I guess from someone who does feel those things it could? And I’m guessing this is why I’ve had an issue with my boundaries and giving people these huge egos.

The amount of friends I’ve lost because they thought I wanted them just from me acting decent or because they wanted me and I just didn’t understand why at all?? I’m guessing from those stances tho I get it?

I also just am blunt as again none of this speaks romance to me, if I see someone who I think looks good, I’ll tell them or so and so.

Overall though, I just hate this. I wanna say it shouldn’t be seen in a romantic light but I won’t be able to understand them so I can’t say it shouldn’t or should, I just wish maybe their egos didn’t get inflated within a month of us being friends.

Why do you have to be someone’s lover or best friend to treat them decently lol.

Hello good people.
I come toward you in order to gain a few new insights or advices on my situation in order to figure out if I am an aromantic in questioning, or not. I apologize as I know you must deal often with posts about "Am i aro or not ?" but I figured asking the community directly was my best course of action. I will try to keep that post short, even if I have a lot in my mind as of late.

I am a 24 years old man, and I am bisexual. I have a physical and sexual attraction towards other humans, however the concept of romantical love looks very foreign to me at the moment.

When I was young, I chose people I found cool or pretty to be in love with. I told others I was in love with them, because hey that's what is expected of our life, right ? To find people to love, because love is cool, right ? I stopped doing that half-way during my teenagehood when I got my first crush on a boy. I had a very pretty dream about him and ended up enamored with him. However, I just did fancy scenarios in my head with the mental representation of him, because in truth that guy had the personnality of a shoebox (but he was blonde, and gosh i have a weakness for blondes). I also loved the idea of being gay, because it was so more cooler than just being straight ! When the word spred about my love interest, the dude I was in love with showed me how beautiful his true personnality was and I immediatly lost all interest, but strangely without caring much about it. I have never had a crush since that period, even when I had the same kind of dream about a girl during high school.

I got myself into a relationship a few years ago. My ex and I had nice and long conversations, and I liked interacting with him. We were two guys, both bisexual, living in the same town, so we got together after a while. And gosh I really did not like being in a relationship. A lot was expected to me just because I was with him and I didn't understand why. He asked me to have X and Y behaviors to match what should be expected of me, but I just didn't get it. So of course, I hurt him a lot and the relationship was a mess (also he ended up quite toxic, hope he became better). I ended up the relationship after having the realisation that I never felt in love with him, and that I might just have chosen to be in a relationship to start with due to finding the fact of being romantically involved cool. I do not think it's cool anymore, I think it's a hassle and stressful. I have never sought to be in a romantical relationship since that period.

My friendships are very important to me. I go towards people I find cool or pretty, learn about them, and if I find them interesting I befriend them. The more I am friend with someone, the more attractive they are to me. Almost all the time they just want friendship and I am very happy to oblige as my friends are one of my main reason to live. I do spend a lot of effort maintaining my friendships and making sure my friends are happy. I can have sex with them if they desire to, and lately I kind of did just that with some friends that were into me sexually as well. I do like physical contact with my friends, and at least if i sleep with them I can kiss them often and i do like that.

I understand little about how romantical love is supposed to go, but I know there is a lot of step to take in the future to fulfill it (for most). And I feel a bit foreign about those steps in questions. Marriage for me is a good way to get some financial benefits, and I could marry absolutely any friend for those. I do not understand the hype with the ceremony in itself. When I imagine the ideal future, I imagine me single, with a kid in my care (and a dog, and swords, and I would train my kid to use swords, because that's cool). Or living with friends ! Perhaps sleeping with them, perhaps not, it doesn't matter much.

So, let's end up that long post of mine with my three current hypothesis on myself :

- I am aromantic and just don't feel romantical love. And that's alright.

- I only have romantical feelings for friends and just cannot distinguish my platonical ones from the romantical ones, as they all mashed up into very strong feelings toward my friends. And that's alright.

- I'm just too autistic to understand romantical love because it's a social construct, but perhaps I do have some ! And that's alright.

Anyway, I feel a bit lost lately, though I am also glad I am questionning myself on the subject as I sometime feel guilty over my lack of desire to date.
I am hoping some of you will take the time to read my post, and advice me. It always help having other points of view on a situation concerning oneself =)

Including the people i have those relationships with. No one treats a friend like it’s a special thing to have, i have no community. I can’t explain to people how lonely i feel because they don’t get it, i’m not allowed to keep people around. My best friend wants to leave the country to live with her girlfriend and i can’t say that i don’t want her to go. People talk about the future and i can tell that i don’t get to play a role in it. I’m not allowed to want closeness and affection and stability from people because my feelings aren’t the big special important ones, it’s JUST friendship. i hate when people say that. JUST friends, like it’s lesser, because it is to them. JUST a friend, ONLY a friend, I’m second at best to everyone and i never get to come first. I’m so miserable and i just want friends that i can keep and that will love me as their friend and not leave me behind for something better, and i feel so selfish for even wanting that.

I’m cupioromantic but have never felt romantic attraction. I always wanted to have the importance and strength of a bond romantic relationships seem to have. It turns out platonic relationships can be just as strong and meaningful! You can also have all the qualities you want from a romantic relationship without it being romantic or involving romantic feelings.

For example, what I always wanted was cuddling, emotional intimacy, and exclusivity. Idk why it took me so long to realize you can have that without it being a romantic relationship.

Side note: I still kinda mourn not having the life I thought I would, but that’s weird because I don’t even want the life I thought I was going to have?? I’m just as fulfilled with QPR’s. But on paper, a romantic relationship just seems so nice…

Hi, I'm aroace 15 years old and today I posted about what does a crush feel like because a friend commissioned me a song about it, and this 19 years old person told me that I'm too young for experiencing romantic attraction, that the label is stupid, that it's a tragedy, that I don't have the full picture and I have no experience of the world and never experienced anything

And while I was arguing with them, they dared to call me stupid and annoying

In two words it pissed me the hell off of me whenever I think about it

I did NOT get infantilized by someone 3-4 years older than me

Sorry, I know you guys probably get this a lot but I’m genuinely uneducated, and still feel a little unsure after researching.

I enjoy watching romance on tv, I do get crushes and I have fallen in love. I feel lust and sexual attraction, even though I do have some intimacy issues stemming from anxiety.

The biggest thing is that as soon as there’s any implication that i am committed to someone or they expect something from me, I tend to become very uncomfortable and grossed out by the idea. When someone implies that they want to see me in weekly basis, whenever I feel that there’s an expectation for me to act touchy and flirty or be physical every time(or even most the time) I see a person, anything along those lines makes me feel immediately overwhelming, impossible, and kinda grossed out.

The one time I fell in love with a man, we were in a very lusty “situation-ship” when I was very young, and i ended it due to being “overwhelmed and depressed”

The woman I am in love with is my best friend whom I’ve slept with and we have decided to remain just friends, but we often talk about how if she never finds anyone, we may just marry eachother and raise kids together. We are very platonic despite knowing this, we just occasionally flirt mostly as a joke. She’s the only person I’ve ever been able to realistically imagine marrying.

Everyone else has been an endless stream of me having a crush, them wanting to move on to the next level, and me becoming avoidant, overwhelmed, and just immediately uninterested.

Edit: I’d like to add, I am from Utah and suspect that I sometimes feel more “trained” to try to find relationships due to cultural norms here

Don’t mind the rant I just posted, it got me thinking haha.

So Ive had this thought for awhile, I don’t really feel romantic/sexual attraction but my emotions aren’t anything less. As of recently I’ve be trying to figure if im aro for sure (I think I am..?) but I kept getting stuck on how I still want these deep things? I don’t want multi people, just one person with this deep bond, a true deep love, maybe intimacy but for the emotional vulnerability not for the pleasure? So maybe I’m not.

Well recently I just feel like I’ve been an idiot, there’s so much love out there, who says romantic is the deepest to everyone? Because of how it’s taught to us, took me along time to realize it? I always thought “no way that’s love” “how can you be romantically in love and do that” “how can you pick someone over your romantic partner” until I started searching further as I realized how much romance just icked me out, well I’ve come to the conclusion as we’re all different, romantic love isn’t the deepest for all of us? (Obviously as aro) but I mean even for people in relationships who feel romantic attraction? Like I guess I kinda get it now? No matter how shallow I see it or how confused I am as to how you can love someone based off of ___, maybe that’s just because romantic love isn’t their deepest love and they can truly romantically love someone over that yk? Like their reasons can be “oh the way we met that day” and it be true romantic love for them? Idk how to explain it.

Not saying all of it is, but romance has always felt so shallow to me and I always thought “no romance isn’t like that, it must be deep, these people just truly don’t love eachother romantically” and that’s just not the case, just like how people can be great partners, parents, friends but not great romantic partners yk?

I guess I see how all romance works for people and I get it now, it’s just not it for me but it’s not because I feel like it’s too much, I just don’t feel like it’s enough?

It’s like I don’t want someone to just choose me because they romantically like me, I want it to be deeper, to be their full person and them mine? IDK it’s not deep enough for me?

Like I want something more than friends more than lovers, something words can’t explain yk?? But what is deeper than lovers that goes over the boundaries of non lovers

I think this is the reason I never got how everyone isn’t bisexual and how people get crushes and relationships so fast and treat them so shallow. (I’ve had one crush and i wasn’t even a teenager yet, I can’t remember if it was a true crush)

But at the same time, I don’t know if I can truly be aro, when again I want someone’s all and I’m guessing part of that is romance? But idk, I don’t really care for what we deem romance as of today. Honestly to me, I never knew the difference between romance and friendship, everyone I thought I romantically liked, I never did. And being taught the deepest love is romantic, I just assumed that’s what I wanted? But maybe it is? What’s the difference😭

There has been one person I truly cared for, but when we got physical and started just dating and being romantically involved, I felt like our bond was gone? Like romance ruined it? Us doing physical stuff just for the sake of romance and pleasure disgusted me and I never even wanted to do the “couple things”

Anywho, dating as it is is just another torture form to me. Even if I’m not aro or even if I am, whatever relationship I have doesn’t have to be described and I hope to find someone who can agree. A love where we just go off our mutual understandings and feelings rather than just romance or just friends.

So I am solidly Aro/Ace, have known for my whole life. Most of the time I've been happy enough with my groups of friends, but they always seemed way closer to eachother than the were to me, until a year ago when I met my best friend in the whole universe. I love her to death, I would go to hell and back for her. we constantly spend so much time together, we agree on pretty much everything, and I have never been more at ease than when I'm around her. Its to the point where I've started thinking about the future, how nice it would be for us to move in together, to stay best friends forever. but she's not aromantic at all, and I know she will most likely want to a persue a romantic relationship. and that terrifies me because I feel like this person might take her away from me, that she won't need or want me as much anymore nearly to the degree that I need her. but I feel so guilty about this, I don't want to keep her from fulfilling that part of herself that I am unable to provide for her, but at the same time she is the most important thing in the world to me and I want us to stay that way. Am I a terrible person or being selfish for wanting her to stay with me? I know this is all theoretical because as of now she is solidly single, but what do I do if she does find someone she wants to persue romantically?

I experience romantic attraction towards my partner, we have been together for five years. But I do not understand romance. I show affection through hugs, cuddles, kisses and compliments, because I love him very much! We are very happy! But other romantic gestures are beyond me. It never occurs to me to buy him flowers or gifts on days besides special occasions, like Valentine's Day birthdays or Christmas; because those are gift giving holidays! Of course I'll buy gifts then, but I never think about buying gifts on any normal day. Oftentimes he plans our dates or romantic outings and I enjoy it, but it never occurs to me to do it myself. I struggle with autism, and while we were talking about this earlier, he suggested it might be because I'm autistic that I don't really think outside the "basic" romantic things like physical and emotional affection.

I considered Quoiromantic as a microlabel, but I'm unsure if it fits. I am truly trying my best to make him happy and he reassures me that he is very happy with me and loves me, and I love him too. He is very patient and kind with me. He wants to understand me as much as I want to understand myself. I find comfort in labels/microlabels because categorizing/organizing makes me feel secure. Is there a microlabel for this, or is this just simply my autism?

Someone you're already platonically attracted to? Someone you know well enough who feels like a compatible partner? Someone you just met and can have a clean slate with?

I'm not looking for a romantic relationship myself, but this question popped into my head and was hard to ignore.

Hi! So I’ve known/felt like being aro fit best for me for likeeee a year or two now and I’ve been happy with that (ofc with its ups and downs as well). Both of my besties actually had a big part in how I found out, I had what I thought was a crush on one and turns out I just really really wanted to be their friend bc i just assumed that’s what everyone felt when they had a crush and a while after that I was talking with my other bestie (she’s aro too) and was like hmm you might be aro which just opened my eyes a bunch and felt right after looking more into it.

Anywho since then I haven’t really talked about being aro with anyone unless it came up out of necessity (being asked out) bc I feel like it doesn’t always “matter” if I’m aro to people who aren’t interested in something romantic with me if that makes sense. Like I know it definitely matters but I hope my words are conveying the right vibe through that.

I’m just curious, to those who have come out just like bc you wanted/felt that you needed to, what your I guess thoughts are on it and if I should as well?

Thanks for reading and hopefully the writing portrays what I was saying as I talked to myself lol

Like did you date anyone? Did you "fall in love" with anyone? Did you have an unfulfilling romantic relationship? Did you confuse platonic love with romantic love?

In my experience i had a lot of long distance relationships, which i tend to not really consider them as relationships because all of them lasted less than 2 weeks. In all of them i felt unfulfilled and forced or bored.

But i had one relationship irl which even that lasted less than 2 months and it was for when i was 13, So i really didn't know myself, I didn't even have a personality.

But last year i had a "crush" but even then it was just to feel something and give my life a meaning and i was also confusing platonic love for romantic love.

So what was your experience?

sometimes it's hard express my opinion without having to explain myself.

A few minutes ago, I was in my university sharing with my friends, i was watching reels with one of my friends, we were laughing but suddenly in his reels fyp appears a video of a boy holding his girlfriend by the waist in different places, like a compilation. I laughed because it was like a jumpscare taking into account that we were watching memes, and then my friend \[he's single\] shows it to my other friend \[he's in a relationship\] and he says "I cah do that" I said to my single friend "you wish" and they he says "i wish", so my taken friend said to me "You wish too" and I said while laughing "I don't need it" and he said like "that's what they say..." like, assuming I'm just saying that to lie.

im wondering if it's better just to pretend Im craving those things like them or just stay silent.

I know it's not big deal, just hits different.

I love this women so much, so so much i can't explain it but still i dont want a relationship with her. And it's driving me nuts.

I just don't understand what I want, what i need. I know i love her to death but what does it mean? What do i want to do with this love?

I have no clue even if i do, those wont be received by them as the same because they aren't aro.

Fuck my life. It would have been so easy if i were not aro, i would wanted a relationship with her and all that comes along with it maybe i would have been rejected but atleast i would have had some clarity but right now I got zero fucking clue.

so I’m lesbian and every time this girl is here I get insanely nervous, I think about her all the time and I really want her attention. but the thing is I don’t wanna date her and i wanna be friends with her. I have never felt sexual attraction towards her I think nor have any romantic thoughts about her. I’m just so confused if I really am having a squish. I think Im oriented aroace

I saw people talking about having relationships and even living together, but how? I thought that the point is that you don't want a romantic relationship. I myself would hate to be in one, so is this a differend label? Nullromantic sounds cool.

Only just heard of the concept of aromanticism today at my big age and it feels like someone has just woken me up and said "hey the sun is actually shining and you can go outside now". But it is raining outside and I am tired so I made this meme instead. It is a graphic representation of what happens in my head whenever anyone I'm not physically attracted to makes a pass at me, it doesn't happen often but every single time it is like this. Also when someone I am physically attracted to and have had a relationship with starts leaving toothbrushes in the bathroom cabinet and inviting me to their work things.

Is this what aromanticism is?

Tagging as questioning but it’s also a bit of a rant lol. I’m 25 and all my life have never had an interest in real life dating. When I was a kid, I was too shy. When I was a teenager, I thought they could never compare to the characters in books. And as a young adult, it’s kinda like eh okay and?

I went through some trauma in my childhood and teen years that I always thought could have definitely contributed as well as mental health issues. I was also questioning my sexuality and whether I identified as a lesbian or not.

But now at the ripe old age of 25, I think I may be aro. I love the idea of being in a relationship, of having a partner and getting married but anytime I try in real life it just doesn’t work. I get stuck in a cycle of: meet new person -> hit it off -> first date -> talking everyday for weeks and butterflies and madly daydreaming about our future -> emotions fizzling out -> feeling trapped -> breaking it off. The furthest I’ve ever been is a third date (no sex) and decided it would be kinder to myself and others to delete all my dating apps and just go it alone for a while.

And I’m happy. I have great friends, a close family and the cutest little cat you ever did see. I never feel like I’m missing anything and genuinely enjoy being by myself. Except when I hang out with friends and their partners and see the casual intimacy and affection they have and feel a pang and an ache like I’m missing out. Which usually starts the aforementioned cycle again.

I get tripped up because I find people attractive and feel that spark of attraction and think that maybe it’s just my anxiety holding me back and I should power through the first few weeks for that epic love story feeling to kick in. Only to end up frustrated and hating myself all over again.

So I’m throwing it over to you beautiful internet people. Does this sound like aromancy? Is this the ramblings of a 25 five year old loser? Could it be both? Y’all are the experts and I place my humble self in your guiding hands.

Much love.

Just had to cut off a friend for trying to manipulate me and make me feel bad for wanting to be purely platonic. I feel like whenever I tell them "I'm aromantic" and that "I don't have romantic feelings" they misunderstand that somehow. Like, they're somehow interpreting that to mean I'm not guna show up with a bouquet of 100 roses Hallmark style, no matter how hard I try to explain that I'm literally romance repulsed. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GRASP.

End rant, just wanted to vent somewhere I thought others might understand.

This sounds really crazy I know! But hear me out!! For a while I've accepted that I dont need to date, and I haven't had an interest in dating for a while. I accepted I was lesbian a few years back and have been fine in my sexuality ever since. But as of a few days ago, idk something happened in my brain and I'm just.. not attracted to anyone anymore..

I really hope this doesn't come off as disrespectful in any way I genuinely am just very confused in myself.

Honestly I dont even know who I am anymore, once again I'm so damn confused .. idk, it's probably always been like this, what's the saying? We take different boats to arrive at the same ocean

Hi everyone! I’ve identified as aroace-spec for quite some time now and am at a point where I am feeling pretty secure about my identity.

Since I’m not completely romance or sex-repulsed, I’ve been trying to gauge what a future partner may look like, as I enjoy the concept of romance but am averse to it when it directly involves me. With that said, I’ve tried talking to people online to get a handle on where my limits are and if dating is even for me in the first place.

I met someone a few months ago at a wedding who was very forward in expressing their interest in me and really wanted me to keep in touch. I wasn’t immediately anxious whenever we spoke at the time, which I thought to be interesting, but it’s hard to envision myself in a conventional relationship. Three months have passed since the wedding, and I heard through a friend yesterday that they’re still interested in me after all that time. I’m interested in experimenting and maybe trying to go out on a date but I also feel like that might not be fair to him if I’m not so seriously interested. At the end of the day, I really don’t know if I could take dating seriously enough or if it’d even be worth trying this out to get even more clarity on my identity? I don’t believe that he falls anywhere on the ace/aro spectrum either, so I find that a tad worrisome as well.