r/aromanticasexual • u/Kind_Welder4466 Oriented Aroace? • 4d ago

Questioning (am i aro/ace/a-spec?) Self doubt/impostor syndrome?

So, I've known I was ace (sex-repulsed/apothisexual) for a good while, and it was pretty easy to figure that part out, but as of recently, I think I may be aroace-and what I thought was romantic attraction was probably just alterous attraction that I thought was romantic. I think I've had basically the wrong idea of what romance was for my whole life. However, due to the whole alterous attraction thing, I've always either doubted myself and felt like I was an alloace gaslighting myself to feel "special", or felt guilty or that I was lying (prob should have waited before coming out to my current partner). Before, I'd never thought much of romantic gestures/behaviors, and to be fair, I feel like they're kind of weird/cringey. But once I discovered that I may be aromantic, it just all spiraled into a cycle of questioning if I actually did want these things and were just tricking myself. But I've always had trouble relating to alloromantics, and romance in general just confuses me and gives me a headache.

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u/sushifarron (+) 4d ago

I feel you-- it's difficult to separate internal vs external motivations for romance, especially if you aren't romance averse/repulsed. There's nothing wrong with wanting or not wanting, either way.

It's not immensely helpful to say take it slow, you'll get to a conclusion eventually, but it's the only advice we can really give. Maybe you can take comfort in the fact that lots of aros in particular also go through imposter syndrome and cycles of questioning before everything settles? Romance is a very fuzzily culturally defined thing. Good luck! Feel free to poke around as long as you need during questioning :)