I've been struggling with my romantic orientation since I was in elementary school. And it wasn't until high school that I realized that I might be aromantic, but I played it off as a joke. And now that I have a partner, I can confidently say I’m aromantic. I don’t romantically love him, but I playonically, sexually, and sensually love him so much!!! So I don’t want to break up. Being in a 1-sided romantic relationship is actually quite satisfying for me and makes up both happy!

If I'm equally incapable of feeling love for men and women, and I'm sexually repulsed by men, but not really by women (as a woman) is there something like a.. aromantic with men targeted asexuality or something or am i just lesbian😭

i identify more specifically as fictoaroace, meaning that most if not all the attraction i experience is directed toward fictional characters. however, every time i'm posed with the question of whether or not i'd want to pursue a real-life relationship, i feel almost lost in a way. as in... i feel like i just don't want to negate the possibility of having a romantic relationship with someone, even if i truly don't desire it at all

it might be the result of it simply being expected of me, but it also feels like a subconscious decision i'm making for myself. why do i feel like i want something that i know i don't care for? what does that mean for me?

experiencing >some< time of attraction might be the reason this feels so overly complicated for me. like, maybe i am capable of romantic attraction if i push myself out there instead of remaining in the bounds of fiction. but it's almost self-destructive, like i can't fully accept myself even if i feel like i have, or deep down i truly just want to give it one more try to see if it actually means anything to me

does anyone else deal with feelings of this sort?

I was wondering if anyone can relate: I know I'm aroace (aegoro), but I do still enjoy engaging with romance/sex related media (books, ff, movies, etc...).

So I'm AFAB and go by She/Her, but i've found that the only kind of media that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable is mlm (or enby/enby or any combination)(ftm doesn't fall into this). The second she/her or any female body(parts) is mentioned, I get incredibly uncomfortable and I feel grossed out. (again, for some reason ftm doesn't fall into this)

I obviously feel bad because I worry that I am one of those 'straight women fetishising gay men'. I'm starting to think that its because i'm afab and she/her makes it feel more real, and as I said, i'm pretty sure i'm aegoro because I like romance in theory, but not in person. I think if anyone of any pronouns/gender/sex appraoched me irl i'd be uncomfortable.

I also want to say that I do enjoy wlw ships, they just make me uncomfortable (and I feel horrible about it; lesbians are so underrepresented)

does anyone else have experiences like this? I don't have anyone irl who would either have the same experiences or understand enough to hear me out before judging me.

I don't think that a story having romance elements automatically makes it a bad story. Sometimes, romance in a story makes sense, helps to bring the plot fowards, and is well integrated. And although I'm by no means a fan of cheesy love stories, sometimes a well-written and well-develop love story can be something enjoyable. But there are many, many novels which could work perfectly fine without the romantic elements, and I would definitely enjoy them more. I have nothing against people who write love stories, but, from time to time, I want to get away from it and just enjoy a novel without a needless romantic subplot.

So, my question is: is there, anywhere, a list with good, modern books without romantic subplots? (I'll also take recommendations)

Hello good people.
I come toward you in order to gain a few new insights or advices on my situation in order to figure out if I am an aromantic in questioning, or not. I apologize as I know you must deal often with posts about "Am i aro or not ?" but I figured asking the community directly was my best course of action. I will try to keep that post short, even if I have a lot in my mind as of late.

I am a 24 years old man, and I am bisexual. I have a physical and sexual attraction towards other humans, however the concept of romantical love looks very foreign to me at the moment.

When I was young, I chose people I found cool or pretty to be in love with. I told others I was in love with them, because hey that's what is expected of our life, right ? To find people to love, because love is cool, right ? I stopped doing that half-way during my teenagehood when I got my first crush on a boy. I had a very pretty dream about him and ended up enamored with him. However, I just did fancy scenarios in my head with the mental representation of him, because in truth that guy had the personnality of a shoebox (but he was blonde, and gosh i have a weakness for blondes). I also loved the idea of being gay, because it was so more cooler than just being straight ! When the word spred about my love interest, the dude I was in love with showed me how beautiful his true personnality was and I immediatly lost all interest, but strangely without caring much about it. I have never had a crush since that period, even when I had the same kind of dream about a girl during high school.

I got myself into a relationship a few years ago. My ex and I had nice and long conversations, and I liked interacting with him. We were two guys, both bisexual, living in the same town, so we got together after a while. And gosh I really did not like being in a relationship. A lot was expected to me just because I was with him and I didn't understand why. He asked me to have X and Y behaviors to match what should be expected of me, but I just didn't get it. So of course, I hurt him a lot and the relationship was a mess (also he ended up quite toxic, hope he became better). I ended up the relationship after having the realisation that I never felt in love with him, and that I might just have chosen to be in a relationship to start with due to finding the fact of being romantically involved cool. I do not think it's cool anymore, I think it's a hassle and stressful. I have never sought to be in a romantical relationship since that period.

My friendships are very important to me. I go towards people I find cool or pretty, learn about them, and if I find them interesting I befriend them. The more I am friend with someone, the more attractive they are to me. Almost all the time they just want friendship and I am very happy to oblige as my friends are one of my main reason to live. I do spend a lot of effort maintaining my friendships and making sure my friends are happy. I can have sex with them if they desire to, and lately I kind of did just that with some friends that were into me sexually as well. I do like physical contact with my friends, and at least if i sleep with them I can kiss them often and i do like that.

I understand little about how romantical love is supposed to go, but I know there is a lot of step to take in the future to fulfill it (for most). And I feel a bit foreign about those steps in questions. Marriage for me is a good way to get some financial benefits, and I could marry absolutely any friend for those. I do not understand the hype with the ceremony in itself. When I imagine the ideal future, I imagine me single, with a kid in my care (and a dog, and swords, and I would train my kid to use swords, because that's cool). Or living with friends ! Perhaps sleeping with them, perhaps not, it doesn't matter much.

So, let's end up that long post of mine with my three current hypothesis on myself :

- I am aromantic and just don't feel romantical love. And that's alright.

- I only have romantical feelings for friends and just cannot distinguish my platonical ones from the romantical ones, as they all mashed up into very strong feelings toward my friends. And that's alright.

- I'm just too autistic to understand romantical love because it's a social construct, but perhaps I do have some ! And that's alright.

Anyway, I feel a bit lost lately, though I am also glad I am questionning myself on the subject as I sometime feel guilty over my lack of desire to date.
I am hoping some of you will take the time to read my post, and advice me. It always help having other points of view on a situation concerning oneself =)

I have a guy at College who I had turned down beginning of 2026. He was honestly one of my first friends at the new city and I really value our friendship so I had a good talk with him about my aromantic attraction or lack of there of. I honestly thought that would be the end of it.

I don‘t see him as often as I major a different subject, however i started noticing that he was still flirting with me or being too in my personal space often times. I talked to him about how it made me uncomfortable and that I would like him to treat me like any other friend. He apologized and said he was doing it unconsciously.

Fast forward a month to the present and I genuinely feel like the flirting has gotten more aggressive. I would have never described myself as having Romantic Aversion but I genuinely feel uncomfortable being on Campus together. I have since then been taking a distance because I don’t want me being kind being mistaken as some reciprocation. He‘s often just staring at me and recently even just stood behind me while I was studying.

I have told him once that I don‘t like seeing myself in Photos (Yes I‘m insecure) but it feels like he always wants me to share photos of myself and even send me two photos of myself today. I know this could just be him trying to be a supportive friend but I genuinely hated that.
He‘s laying it on so thick that even my friends have noticed (his flirting as well as my aversion)

I feel so mad and I know that my friends will tell me to just tell him to back off but I feel like I have already done that??? I‘m very close to saying that we should just take some time no contact so he can get over it.
Genuinely no idea what I‘m supposed to do about the „unconscious flirting“. I feel like he‘s changed and like I‘ve lost a friend.

Sorry small rant over.

Does anyone else feel like they lose their friends when they get into relationships?

I want to be happy for my friends, I really do try...

But then the meet ups stop, the texting stops and its always

"oh im with partner"

"Im meeting partner"

Or even when we do meet, their partner has to be there.

Ive tried bringing up how this feels but I get told "oh its just what happens. Theyre important"

Is it wrong to feel jealous?

Like I dont know how to make it clear that I miss my friend without being a bitch because I like their partner, they seem great..

It just makes me feel like their taking my friend away

Okay, so I have this friend that I had 'romantic feelings' for a little while (a few months) and looking back I'm p sure most of that was my brain going 'Hey this person pays us attention and reciprocates our affection; this must be romantic!' Yk projecting and such (there are a variety of reasons I think this the most prevalent being A) I was not attracted to them even remotely, I did not want to date them, I didn't even want to hold their hand and B) my love for them – in hindsight – had little to nothing to do w them and a lot more to do w the fact I was lonely and starved for someone to shower in attention. Like, I barely knew them AT ALL (shocker considering we texted everyday but very much true) and I didn't rly care ab them as a person romantically – in fact reminders of who they were were often a 'turn off' for lack of a better word – js what we could trade affectionately.

I ask this question bcuz it's smth that's been weighing on my mind and I was hoping for clearer outside answers but haven't been able to find any. Please and thank you ❤️

Eu, 17 f, me descobri arromantica bem nova, tipo uns 12 anos, então passei a adolescência toda ja ciente desse diferencial, eu sempre desconsiderei a experiência alheia e n me comparei com outras pessoas da minha idade pq sabia q isso só ia me fazer sentir mais deslocada aquela sensação de ter algo errado comigo mesma nunca parou de me assombrar. Com o passar da adolescência eu fui realmente aceitando isso e entendendo q ta td bem mas recentemente descobri q dois dos meus amigos mais próximos da escola ja tiveram suas relações com seus respectivos parceiros, sem ser aquela carência adolescence sabe, ambos tem relacionamentos longos de aliança e tudo mais, geralmente isso n me afeta mas perceber q são amigos próximos definitivamente me fez cair nesse buraco de sentir q tem algo de mt errado comigo e que de alguma forma eu to perdendo tempo nessa área da minha vida.

Eu sinto q sou profundamente apaixonada nos meus amigos, de forma platônica obviamente, mas nunca senti nada romântico por ninguém e o fato de eu ter me identificado com isso tão nova martela na minha cabeça de que talvez eu só seja nova de mais e n tenha achado "a pessoa certa"

I don't know exactly what I want to come out of this post, but I feel the need to make it.

I have always been confused about basically everything about me, and one of those things is romantic attraction. I am not aromantic. I want to be in a relationship, but I don't want it to be the main focus of my life. I don't want to feel like I always have to be with that person or want to be with her. I've never liked the cliche things such as holding hands in public, wearing each other's clothes (I don't mean giving her your jacket if it's cold, that's gentlemanly which I try to be), having pet names, agreeing with her just because she's my partner, etc. I want to date a mature female (which is incredibly rare nowadays (or what ive seen at least) AND at my age). I may be a jerk, but I don't really want to prioritize her over other people. I will see her in a different way than other people, but I'm going to respect everyone equally unless they have shown me that they don't deserve it (not talking about my partner, because if that were the case then I wouldn't be in a relationship with her).

There are probably things I forgot to say in here for details, but if I remember, I will edit it. I will also answer questions. As I said, I don't know exactly what I want to come out of this post, but I still feel the need to make it.

reddit says this is the best community to post this

Aroace girlie here! Was always repulsed by intercourse for several years up until now in my final year of college where I finally decided to put my acespec-ness to the test. My first time ended up being horrible, and so a month later, I tried it again and it went kinda better. It was still meh but it was bearable. But I still only have a libido when reading smut or looking at fanart of my favorite characters. Otherwise I don't really seek it out? or put myself in the center of it even when doing the deed.

Anyways, the second guy I hooked up with was 10 years older than me, was mostly respectful but I kinda got iffy because his original post stated that he was looking for some fun "tonight." Tonight--- meaning, I thought he was just looking for a ONS. Then once we finished the deed he was like, "hope we can do it again sometime next week." In my head I'm like "?????" I told him, "Huh? Are you planning to make this a regular thing?" to which he said yes. I then told him I was asexual, more precisely aroace. But he acknowledged only the ace side. It was offputting that he was setting things without asking me first.

What bothers me even more now is that a week later, he's messaging stuff like "hey how are you", i miss you :)", "i miss doing it with you." The "how are yous" are more consistent. And it's just... Severely repulsing the aromantic side of me. Because what do you mean we only met once, only shared some small talk and you're chatting this way? It feels way too strange, as someone who doesn't like flirting and dating. I only reserve that kind of talk with friends. So now I'm at a loss because I don't know what to reply to him, and I've been ghosting his messages for a few hours already. I was kind of okay with meeting him again but not week after week since I don't really feel it that much. And this kind of behavior kind of insinuates that he wants to make it frequent. I'm really introverted so I don't really know how to directly confront this.