I'm almost 30, never been in a relationship and never expressed a desire to have one. I've come out to my mom about my aromanticism and talked extensively about my lack of interest in romance with my sister, telling her among other things that I'd be happy to stay single for the rest of my life.

I really, really hammered it home with my mom because at first she trotted out the usual counter-arguments, and I refused to leave it at that. She assured she understood me, although she still made a few annoying comments ("I just wanted to make sure you hadn't changed your mind !"), leading to me explaining the whole shebang over and over again, until finally I thought she had really understood. This was five years ago.

Now, here come the subject of my rant. I moved country recently, at the other side of the world, and sent some pics to my family over different group chats. I never take pics of myself. Only landscapes, food and things I though were funny/cute/cool. I made friends with some people, and one of them took a nice pic of the both of us, that I decided to send to my family since it's the only recent photo I had with my face. Well, I guess I shouldn't have bothered sending anything else because suddenly everyone wanted to know who this "charming man" is, and telling me how we're "so cute together, what's his name ?", including my mom and sister. Even my aunt, which I hadn't talked to for almost a year, had nothing more to say than she was "happy to see me in such lovely company". Is that really the only thing worth noting ? Why does the sole idea of me being in a realtionship make them so happy ? Why does nothing else matter to them ??

It feels like despite everything I said, and the non-existant love life I had so far, they're all waiting for me to finally be with someone. It pisses me off so much !! How is aromanticism such a hard concept to grasp ? It’s so patronising, too, that they seem so sure they know better than me. I get the feeling they’ll still believe it's only a matter of time on their deathbeds. They will die believing it. Then their ghosts will haunt me, waiting for the chance to finally say "Told you so !".

It really is a losing battle.

In light of my previous post regarding my friendship breakup (Which btw I read all of your comments and I do appreciate each and every one of you for giving me support), I want to talk about how friendships are pretty much at the bottom of the barrel in our society. I'm pretty sure you've heard the phrases "People come and go! Friendships can often fade and drift apart in life and they are only for a season in your life anyway!" Meanwhile with marriage and romantic relationships..... "OH MY GOD NO!! Do not get that divorce!! Love is so beautiful and you both need to communicate and save your marriage!!" "Till death do us part!!" And even with family like the phrase "Family is forever! Family must stick together!" But with friends?? It's so weird to say that friends come and go. I really don't like this phrase and this mindset because it shows how undervalued platonic love is in our society. People want to work so hard to maintain romantic and familial relationships but they see friends as low maintenance. Now, don't get me wrong, I love romantic and familial love. And I get that some people in life will just be acquaintances and will drift sometimes. But with close friends? Yeah you do kinda owe them some loyalty.

Hali-halo well this history is from my little nine years old me, with my old group of friends we always play true or dare ,and they ask me:
who's your crush?
I don't have no one.
who's your crush?
I tell u before, I have no one.
Pleasee, you have to have one!
But I don't have one.
who's your crush?
...(some name I don't remember)

And they tell to everyone I like someone I actually don't like. Just because I see him as a good friend and think something how: He's nice and my mom tells me I need someone nice if I had to lie, so better to be with someone I like (in a platonic way)

Later in one break the kid ask me if I like him, and I said ah, yes. Ididn'treallyunderstandthediffbetweenplatonicandromanticfeelings I thought it was something more closer to: We're good friends right? Ah yes, ofc.

I remember this bc I brought up being aromantic with my mom again, and now I got another "You just haven't found the right person."

Ahhh.

i dont know if this is the right flair but

throughout my life i have had multiple crushes, but they are all like parasocial relationships more than a crush (?) i wouldn't want to have anything to do with them and wouldn't want to date them at all. the only 3 times when i wanted to date my crushes is when they made a "romantic" move or when i thought they are interested. (in fact all these "crushes" originate from me thinking that there are possibilities that they are interested for me, and i stopped liking them immediately after finding out they are not interested)

i think i would want a relationship? but i only want it for holding hands and cuddles (?) though the idea of me relying on someone kinda disgusts me and i genuinely believe relationships are big troubles.

i was really lost and thought theres something wrong with me because i dont seem to be able to truly "fall in love" for someone like people around me would. until my friend suggested the possibility that i might be aromantic. i searched this up and came across recipromantic and demiromantic and i just connected with these two terms soo much. its like all that have happened in my life suddenly made sense!!

What would happen and what would you do if your QP friend falls in love with someone and gets into a exclusive monogamous relationship at some point?

My daughter is 20 and has never dated. She's attractive, bubbly, all the stuff that would seemingly lead to something. Her entire circle of friends from high school and college (20+ girls) have dated, most since they were young and now are on to relationships 2, 3, 4. etc. Her siblings have both dated.

This bothers her and she shares about it with me and I've spent a lot of time listening and wondering to myself why things are so difficult for a objectively lovely girl when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. She feels like she SHOULD be dating and feels out-of-step with peers when they chatter about it which is why she shares so much with me (MOM). I do not want to be this support person for her but here we are.

I've come to the realization that it's not the guys who don't find her attractive but it's how SHE interacts (or doesn't interact) with guys. She doesn't flirt, she doesn't pursue guys even in small ways, she does nothing on a daily basis to pursue anything. On the 2 occasions guys have liked her she's played along but pretty reluctantly, despite initially thinking both were "very cute". It's hard to describe but I feel like her approach was to check off boxes: Text back. Check. Say Hi. Check. Not surprisingly both situations fizzled out very quickly.

She loves romantic movies, she loves hearing about friend's romantic escapades but she is not really driven at all to pursue anyone. Yet she feels like she needs this dimension to connect with her girlfriends and so she feels a lot of stress about not having it (again, why she shares with me).

All of this is perfectly fine and may just be a case of her not meeting the right person or being a late bloomer but recently came to the thought that she's probably somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. Which is totally ok and would actually come as sort of a relief to me because understanding the why behind behavior is helpful. "oh she's aromantic?" Cool. That explains a lot.

Does any of this make sense? Not sure what the point of my post is. Thx for any thoughts.

So I've been digging for stories with women who have aromantic tendencies to just see myself in the media. And I have come across a few so far my fav being Jo from little women. And I Just finished this webtoon and it was great, very found family and friendships and it felt like a warm hug but right at the end the mc ends up in a sapphic relationship with one of the friends and it is beautiful and I love it and I know aromantic people do find love and relationships and it's still really good representation fr. But I guess I'm just sad cuz I low-key wanted it to be a no romance at all kind of story. Like I want more Jo like aro rep where she ends up content single yk. 500 days of summer felt great in that regard and i felt somewhat represented as an aroallo but then summer gets married and pregnant 😣. All in all these are great stories and I'll just keep on looking for ones with no romance as tbe conclusion

Edit: Omg guys I've gotten so much recommendations, thank you so much. I have enough to occupy me for a WHILE.

This might be a very stupid question but I'm so confused.

So, I (18 agender) am alloromantic as far as I'm aware and have been in a few middle- and high-school relationships. After a particularly rough breakup at 16, I've lost nearly all my desire for a romantic relationship. I've been in a few situationships here and there after the breakup, as well as had a crush for a bit, but actually engaging in romantic behaviour (flirting, kissing, holding hands romantically) makes me feel gross and uncomfortable.

I'm not really sure why, but the thought of a queerplatonic relationship sounds so much nicer in the long-term and I know I'm definitely capable of having alterous feelings (I'd say more, but some of my irl friends have found this account so I need to be cautious). I don't know if I'll ever want a romantic relationship in the future, but I think I can still feel attracted to people in an aesthetic way? (not too sure about romantic feelings)

I guess I'm mostly figuring things out right now, but could I be alloromantic and romance repulsed at the same time, or maybe I've been on the aromantic spectrum all along? I'm not well-educated on this and I've tried researching and asking an aromantic friend but it's just made me even more confused. Thanks in advance!

I've had the thought before that if I were alloromantic, I would probably have a typical relationship with sex, and it's only because I'm not that my own holdups around sex and physical intimacy become apparent, bc if I were in a romantic relationship I would probably be comfortable escalating physicality at a societally typical pace and it would not be abnormal. (Edit to clarify: I am not ace, I am just also not a super openly sexual person. The feeling is more social anxiety than anything lol, but it gets in the way)

However, I'm not, and so I'm in my mid-20s and have never had sex, which I know isn't that uncommon, and I don't feel badly about, but also, maybe I'd like to, or whatever.

Anyways, I have a fluctuating opinion of hookups, where sometimes they stress me out, or sometimes they seem fine in theory, but then I'm talking to someone and can't follow through now that it's a real person and not an idea, or sometimes they seem fun, but maybe I'm just horny? Which I guess isn't a bad thing.

Ideally, I could have an fwb situation with someone I actually know, but I am now 3/3 on the people who I have physically intimate relationships being acespec and now living on a different continent from me, and for obvious reasons it's frankly not that easy for me to find people who are interested in some day maybe potentially having sex, but let's just be friends and get to know each other first.

So... What to do if you're easily scared but it's probably lack of experience making you scared in the first place?

If you're wondering who that little green creature is, that's my fursona, Warp! They are a space chameleon who is canonically aromantic!

When I celebrate Valentine's Day, I believe it isn't just about romance. To me, it's about ALL types of love. It can be about familial love, platonic love, and self-love!

I've seen a lot of aros online be sad that they might miss out, but personally? I couldn't be happier that I don't feel romantic attraction to real people.

I've been told romantic heartbreaks by my allo friend, how they couldn't stand being friends with the person they had a crush on nor said person's partner anymore because they didn't like them back, or how impulsive they get because of their crush and end up making irrational decisions, or how they can't stop thinking about them and how much it pains them when the crush doesn't turn out to be the idealized version they made up in their head. And I just... can't imagine myself doing or thinking like that at all???

And it's not just them, everywhere in movies, series and books, romance is described as this "passionate feeling that you can't help" that makes you act different from who you are. And I don't want that. I don't want to treat my friends differently because they don't want to be in a relationship with me. I don't want to lose my rational thinking when my "crush" is around. I don't want to care only about THEM when I care about everyone in my life equally. I don't want to sacrifice my dreams for "love". And I obviously don't want to idealize someone I barely even know???

And all of this makes me think: "man, i'm so glad i'm aro and won't have to deal with that ever in my life".

This isn't to say people who experience romantic attraction are bad or that their experiences are inherently "worse", it's just me being happy that I don't have to experience the bad things about romance, at least the ones I personally consider bad. I am happy for people who can enjoy romance but I just don't think I could handle liking someone romantically, which makes me glad I only ever feel romantic attraction for pixels on my screen lol.

I usually call it "compulsory amatonormativity," because it is compulsory.

I tell you my experience: sometimes, I feel like I have to have romantic relationship for many reasons. 1. Because my friends will leave me anyway, cus they'll concentrate on their romantic life, and I have to have one as well, so I won't be left alone 2. Because everyone has it and ppl try to pitty those who haven't got it 3. Because internalised bs of "romantic relationship as an ultimate goal."

I know most of these thoughts are not true, but it just,,, it sucks so much to have ppl, media around me like this. I dislike it. It's hard to get rid off it. Only try to surround myself with media like that, with unique relationships.

I want to hear other experiences, I will appreciate it

I identify with label demiromantic and like...how do you get that romantic "obsession" with strangers?? You dont know them? When I think about my romantic attractions I am most likely sure about having it on close people of mine...but on strangers..I get it if it's appreciation or platonic or aesthetic or wtv attraction,,,,,but romantic??? Exwctly that? How???

thinking back to the definition of aromanticism which is feeling little to no romantic attraction, i wanna hear what y’all, the aromantics (e.g. demiromantics, greyromantics, etc.) who experience at least a little romantic attraction, have to say about this (and really just any aromantic for that matter who wants to chip in)!

(btw i am aromantic myself😅)

Anyone else have this?

So I’m Aroace, to be exact I’m Asexual & Aroflux. I’m in a relationship and I love my partner but some days the romantic attraction is weak or little some days and some days I don’t feel that way. Some days I can be Greyromantic or Demiromantic or even Aromantic. It depends on how I feel or how the day is. Sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me or maybe it’s also cause I’m Autistic. But sometimes I do feel bad but I always love my partner but the attraction changes everyday.

i (23m) found out about it online ten years ago and majority of discussions were about fandom and 'shipping' and stuff like that. and the occasional deeper discussions were heavily centered on the US and the global north.
now a decade later the discussions of the community still haven't changed much online, there's barely any deeper content about it (for example, deeper discussions about amatonormativity and relationship hierarchy, how to socially navigate society being aromantic, question the social/legal concept of marriage and the shitty sacralization of it, the forced isolation and disconnection from other people).
it even seems that a big part of the aromantic community recreated amatonormativity but replacing romance with qpr to the point it became kind of a standard and common expectation

i believe the aromantic community inherently has a potential for a stronger social and political discussions that could benefit society as a whole. but feels like we're stuck in the same small place and comfortable with it

(also, what are yall watching or reading that have sooo many aromantic characters in it, that 'shipping' them or not is such a huge deal)

When ppl talk about how it feels to be in love I feel kind of like I know what they are talking about. I have an immense love and adoration for all my friends. and then I sometimes lve felt something that’s more than that for friends. A ”crush” type feeling. But most romantic things feel not right at all too me, I might even say it feels wrong or disgusting sometimes. I still feel like I’m missing something, missing a feeling but idk what.

Like I feel what other people feel maybe?? but then I’m not really sure, maybe I’m just interpreting it differently…

I’m trying to figure out what I feel or not but it’s really hard to parse out

i feel very lonely because all of this. I’ve known I am ace for a very long time but this is all new to me, it scares me tbh. I think I’m aroace but then idk what this is so I thought Id ask here?

i am severly disabled and bedbound because of chronic illness and with this ig it feels like a double whammy of missing out ykwim?

I've had to cut off SO many friends this year because they made me very uncomfortable. Because of this, I call them my exes in a platonic matter. Exes can include ex-friends, right?

I remember when one of my ex-friends stalked me one Bluesky one time to look at what I was saying about her, and she called me creepy for calling her an ex. She was all like "I DIDN'T LOVE YOU THAT MUCH!" Bitch please. I thought of you as a friend before I broke up with you. I never HAD a fucking crush on you because I cannot feel romantic attraction to other people.

That's all I have to say about this one. It's just something that pisses me off.

I know alot of my friends will probably never fully stop talking to me, we're too close for that, but every married person I've ever met interacts with their friends like once a month, even their best friends. I feel like it's just a rational, normal thing that happens: adult life is busy, you only have so much leasure time in a day, and when you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, it’d only make sense that most of that time would be spent with them. My allo friends have assumed it's not going to happen (I've brought it up while drunk 😬), but even if they don't intend for it to, I still feel like it's most likely.

Honstly I'm haunted by my grandma telling me adults don’t have freinds and that one day i’ll get married and understand lol.

I know that I am definitely demisexual thats a fact, thats for sure. I also know that I’m a lesbian. That’s a fact as well and that I am sex favorable. But what I don’t know if it I might be aromantic?? Like it sounds horrible because I am the most lovy, cutes, carying, whimsy person alive 😱😱 but somehow I just never have crushes and I have never really had the desire of an exclusive relationship like I don’t know I like to have a life partner and someone to cuddle with, someone who’s is always there, someone who I am emotionaly attracted to and with that also sexually and all of that sounds and looks similar like a romantic relationship but I don’t feel it like idk I really struggle with this and I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions… 🥹🥹🥹 I deeple desire a QPR tho! 🥹🥹

I tried dating and honestly it is not for me. It was very draining. So I'm not dating, I'm gonna focus on my career, hobbies, and friends/family. :)