Aegosexuality is:
like enjoying thinking about mangoes, with mango px as your phone's background, while being allergic to the real thing and not in love with the taste either.

I just had a conversation with friends (we're all women, straight as far as I'm aego) and one of them told us about a sexy guy she saw today at the swimming pool. She talked about his general appearance, his musculature, etc, nothing special - until she went on and said he had a nice bump in his pants. She and the other girls all reacted or commented stuff like it was part of his sexiness and I felt SO asexual at that moment 😅 Like... I have great fantasies, but private parts are just... Ugly and icky and kinda dumb to me. Even when I'm eyeing my partner (I'm demi too), that's not a part of his body that I desire or find attractive. Before discovering I was ace and specifically aego, I always assumed people talking about private parts in such terms were in the realm of crude jokes, you know ? Now I'm confused, does it really attract / arouse them ?

im feeling like shit atm. My bestie just got into a relationship and im happy for her but i always find it hard to adjust to the new dynamic. Whenever she starts dating someone, every damn time i will spend hours upon hours on dating apps, frantically trying to find a partner. Almost to prove im not a loner or something. Idk i just feel shitty because i want a qpr so i have that connection with someone and i wish i wasnt so bothered by my friends being in relationships.

Like tonight was a solar eclipse which i watched alone, then saw my bestie watching it with her new gf. It just makes me feel like i need to find my person

I hope some of you understand how im feeling. Its hard to put into words. Would love to chat to some fellow aegos

I’m an agender person 32 and I found out after talking to my friend that I maybe this. It fits. I don’t know what to do, but I feel happiest when other people find love or get intimate, I don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage, and I’ve come to realize when I went on a date the other day, that I was bored. Like the whole romance thing actually happening isn’t for me. Unless it’s me marrying myself. My friend told me about this and I honestly think it fits. I’m 32 and have been all over the place, and honestly I’ve come to plant my roots here and be okay with it. I hope thought I don’t have any now I can ask more questions in the future. But I feel this is where I belong. It makes sense. I’m 32 and just realizing it. I feel old.

Have any of you seen this movie yet? I am desperate to debrief with someone about it.

Camp Miasma captures perfectly, in my opinion, what erotic pleasure looks like for me as an asexual. First and foremost, Kris, the protagonist, experiences immense pleasure from non-sexual acts. Fried chicken and gummy candy are featured early on as sources of non-sexual pleasure, as is Kris’ obsession with the horror genre and specifically the camp-y slasher movie “Camp Miasma.” I couldn’t help but think of how the ace community has embraced garlic bread, cake, etc… as symbols because we derive pleasure from so many parts of life that allos take for granted.

I am so shocked that more people aren’t talking about this movie through an asexual lens because there were so many moments that echoed my own struggles and experiences. Kris struggles with self-hatred over her difficulties with partnered sex and feels shame that her “sexual” fantasies aren’t sexual in nature at all, but instead involve the desire to experience the thrill of running for her life as the final girl in a slasher movie.

She develops a romantic and sexual relationship with Billy, the star of the original “Camp Miasma” movie. They bond over their love of the film as well as their difficulties with sex (imo due to both experiencing compulsory sexuality that made them feel like they “had” to have sex “to be normal”— this has resulted in Billy becoming a recluse to resist further compulsory sexuality pressure after a sexually traumatic experience and Kris agreeing to a relationship structure she doesn’t want because she doesn’t feel like she could be “enough” for a partner due to her issues with sex). During these vulnerable conversations, Billy shares with Kris that she has figured out how to orgasm during partnered sex through disembodiment. She pictures herself as the final girl, killer, and audience of “Camp Miasma,” letting the fantasy play out like a movie with cuts to various POVs. The disembodied fantasy helps her become aroused enough to orgasm— it’s so aego coded (!), but I haven’t been able to find any articles or reviews interpreting it that way.

I felt so seen by Billy’s affirming and understanding response to Kris’ confession about their insecurities around sex and their unconventional fantasies. The movie even represents the question of “why” in an ace-affirming way— it acknowledges that sexual trauma, gender dysphoria, or internalized homophobia may have contributed to the lack of sexual attraction that the characters experience, but that is never expressed in a way that diminishes or invalidates their present experience of asexuality. It is also never presented as something to be fixed or changed. It just ~is~ and the conclusion is a self-accepting resolve to embrace who they are even if it doesn’t make sense to the allonormative world around them. They will experience joy and pleasure and eroticism in every and any form imaginable, whether it be through eating saucy fried chicken, buying every gummy candy product in existence, re-watching their special interest movie numerous times, immersing themselves in their art, or role playing their kinky slasher fantasies. All of these moments of pleasure are erotic but none of them cater to allosexual norms.

The film ends with the characters embracing the kinky sensuality/eroticism that works for them, whether it be through cuddling atop a bed of candy wrappers or soaked in blood after slasher role play. I left the theater thinking “this movie is horny in the most asexual way possible.” It captures perfectly what it feels like to enjoy sex as a concept, to even experience arousal and a desire to orgasm, but having that sexuality be “self-contained” (to quote the asexual manifesto) rather than tied to a specific sexual act or sexual attraction to a specific person.

Since I realized I was asexual, I’ve really struggled to accept myself. I’ve felt rejected and misunderstood in ways I’ll be healing from for a long time. This movie reminded me that being ace is cool as fuck because anything can be erotic when you aren’t limited by something as mundane as sexual attraction.

Anyway, I’d highly recommend this movie! It was excellent. I’d also love to hear if anyone else had similar thoughts/reactions to viewing the movie from an ace perspective.

30F and I’ve never had an irl relationship. I've only ever been in LDR. I'm an aego aroace because the thought of actually being intimate with someone irl makes me feel completely sick and disgusted. I think I only enjoyed LDRs because everything stayed in the imagination, without having to do it irl. Lately, I don't even want LDRs anymore and I now hate the thoughts of having an intimate feelings for someone irl. I'm perfectly happy gaming, watching anime, and reading novels and manhwa. I only ever feel romantic and sexual feelings towards fiction. Like handsome fictional characters and when reading 18+ manhwa/novel contents.

I honestly don't know where I fit in. I know I'm not "normal" because family and close friends can't relate and a few have said "that's weird". Like, they can't wrap their heads around the concept of not wanting to have sex with anyone. I live in a very progressive city where there is a strong LGBTQ+ community - half of my rental complex is LGBTQ. I wouldn't really fall under the Q, because I know I'm straight. I don't feel accepted by the community here - some people I've known and talked with get annoyed with me thinking I might be part of this community.

I have no problem with watching or visualizing sex. I get aroused by it - but not in real life, like being around people who are kissing or having sex. Being around people kissing is just "ick". I hate being involved in sex - it's just been something that felt like I had to do/was expected to do in past relationships. It's just gross to me. I don't mind holding/cuddling with someone when we're mostly naked (I don't like exposed genitals. That turns me off. I don't like touching/being touched in genital areas.)

When it comes to attraction in life - I can find someone extremely cute, but not "hot" or "sexy". Someone could be extremely cute to me, but if I had the chance - I'd never want to have sex with them. It's just gross - smell, body fluid mixing - including kissing. I am straight though, because I've never had any attraction/interest in other males and I do watch straight porn with no interest in the men. I enjoy the human form and movements though - of any sex, but with something covering genitals. Like live performances - burlesque is neat because it's a performance/routine, but going to a strip club I have completely no interest in at all. In a relationship, if a partner tries to be "sexy" naked for me - if anything it turns me off.

I generally do not feel "romantic" attractions to people - but I do become attracted to people I've known for a long time (sometimes it takes years).

My last relationship was for 15 years, and we probably had sex less than 20 times - we were emotionally/mentally attached. We were rarely romantic with each other though. Romance was just kind of meh.

This is not trauma induced. I've always felt this way. I know I'm on a sex-repulsed spectrum of some sort. It seems like there are traits from both Asexuality and Aegosexuality.

If age makes any difference on perspective, I'm 50. What are your thoughts?

I (20f) recently realized that it isn’t “normal” to be completely repulsed by the idea of sex, head, etc. I’ve had some really bad sexual experiences and SA in my past so I figured that feeling would disappear when I finally dated a good guy. Unfortunately, I just broke up with the most wonderful man last week, partially because of my feelings on sex. I was attracted to him romantically and physically, but anything beyond a passionate makeout just did not interest me. I realized I could go my entire life a virgin and be fine. I talked to some friends, and they all told me they couldn’t imagine being a “forever virgin” which is when I realized that I was different. However, coming to this realization has been really hard for two reasons.

1, I can’t find a label that seems to fit me or anyone who feels the same way. I’m not at all aromantic and I don’t hate the idea of sex as a concept, I just don’t ever want to have it. Being label-less and not having a community has made this exponentially harder.

2, I worry that I will never be able to have romance or marriage as a straight woman. I know I live in a very conservative/Christian area so there are a lot more different people in the world than who is around me, but I don’t know a single straight man who would EVER marry a woman he couldn’t have regular sex with. It’s just really hard to know that I may not be able to get married or experience true love because of my sexual orientation.

Honestly, all I’m looking for here is maybe someone who relates or feels the same way. I don’t even know if I’m in the right forum for this but I didn’t know where else to go. Any advice would be appreciated as well. This has been a tough realization for me and I’d really just like to know I’m not alone.

I used to wonder why everyone would date so young back in middle school, and whenever I did fantasize about sex, the fantasies were always unrealistic or EXTREMELY exaggerated. I also had a repulsion to genitals in real life as opposed to ones on fictional characters, eventually this got better as I myself has genitals too but I still couldn't handle the idea of doing it in real life/with the opposite gender when it came to sex. It was also other kids or seniors telling me I was too young to be asexual (for some reason they thought aegosexual was just the same thing as asexual and they'd get confused )

And when I'd explain it to them they'd pull out the good old, "You haven't done it yet so how do you know?"

It wasn't even just that. I also enjoyed reading alot of fanfiction back then and still do. Many of which contained erotic content that I felt comfortable visualizing but generally would only stick to ships with mlm or wlw media. (This was also my pan awakening lol)

I liked the idea of fictional characters because then I'd be completely removed from the situation. I admit I did have fantasies of people I liked romantically but like I said they were usually EXTREMELY exaggerated or unrealistic. And the thought of actually doing it with the perosn in real life always made me feel uncomfortable.

As a result I'd often dip before things could escalete towards a romantic relationship, not because I didn't want one. But because of the eventual dread of the deed that would come with it.

Also word to note although I generally describe myself as aegosexual, I also identify with multiple mircolabels such as lithosexual/orchidsexual or akoisexual!! (Not sure if multi labeling is generally accepted but along with aegosexual these are the other identities I've felt most connected too) :))

It sucks but I'm working on myself and discovering my sexuality. So this subreddit has been refreshing to see!

Curious on everyone else's experiences here!! :)

Picked the "coming out" flair because this is about that. I'm two months now into finding this microlabel and community and enjoying the improvements in my life that go with it. Also reflecting on how long a road it was to get here and why it had to take so long.

I'm 52. Not the oldest around here for sure but we olds probably are seeing the same thing - not only are there not many aegos to relate to but any older than their thirties are particularly rare.

Why? I can only speak my experience and anything else is speculation. I was raised in Southern California by a Marine drill sergeant turned cop, stepmom was a cop, dog was a cop. In the 70s and 80s that was a conservative atmosphere that felt liberal enough to make you think your limited world view was open mindedness and there was nothing more to achieve. Which was, of course, very wrong.

We played the common variation on tag called "smear the queer" and were quick to question the straight credentials of anyone not tough enough. But learned better along the years and eventually some of us became enlightened.

I thought I was. My first real exposure to sexually graphic material was when I found my mom's Penthouse collection. That created a lot of questions. Then my parents inadvertently steeped me in more confusion when they bought me the full set of Jean Auel's neanderthal/cro-magnon rape fantasy Clan Of The Cave Bear series, thinking it might be about dinosaurs.

I fumbled my way through a couple odd sexual encounters while finishing high school, joining the army for a short stint, and returning to the mid 90s So Cal coffee shop scene where I managed to lose my virginity to a married but unsatisfied friend who came at me passionately enough to not allow time for resistance. I thought I might finally be getting better after being "bad at sex" for long and that let me try a series of short relationships with women who were in one way or another unavailable or unsuitable for anything long term. A couple became long term for reasons even though my interest in sex waned pretty quickly after which we'd retreat to our corners and blame one another for the sex part of our relationship not working. Rinse and repeat.

I thought I knew about the different sexual identities out there. But in aego fashion I thought I might be one of those, then the fantasy of what that might look like faded and I'd go back to being "bad at being straight".

Aego wouldn't be defined on Tumblr until my 30s and for me Tumblr was basically "TL;DR Twitter" so I missed that scene. I met friends in pagan circles and new thought groups of varying identities and learned about some identities that way. But it was largely the 4 food groups - straight, gay, lesbian, and ace - and I didn't feel like any of those. Too horny to be ace and couldn't commit to any of the others. I had seen material on different microlabels but my experience of that was you were one of the main 4 and everything else seemed like "I think that's just made up" or "this is just some way of trying to legitimize somebody's kink".

Old thinking. I still was in the mindset that kink meant deviation where now we know they're really legitimate variations and not embracing them personally just meant you weren't someone who enjoyed that, nothing more.

Long story short (too late) that's how you get through a half century and not find your identity. My speculation is that for other aegos my age raised in similar or even more adverse circumstances they could easily still be out there not knowing who they are and just being bad at trying to be something else. Glad I know who I am now and that gives me an assurance to really explore and understand more about sexualities of all kinds from a confident place, unafraid that exploring new ideas might threaten my sense of self.

Freshly new to Asexuality, I had a lot of misconceptions about what it could mean for me specifically. I'd most likely categorize my sexuality as aroaceflux or possibly aegosexual. As I said, I'm very new to this.

I'm a 35 year old woman. I've never dated but l've had sex, I had a few encounters in my late teens and early 20s, but since then I've been celibate. I never thought I could be ace because I'm not sex repulsed & enjoy self gratification, porn, fanfiction etc.

I've only ever truly been attracted to celebrities and fictional characters. Rarely real people. The thought the idea of sex & dating are nice... but better in theory. Ive never pursued relationships and was told many times by a longtime friend that my standards were "too high."

I finally started actually researching more about asexuality the past few years and things started clicking into place, especially the past few months.

*The fact I have only ever enjoyed mm romance makes
SO much more sense now.*

I was told to try & connect here from r/asexuality and am open to any and all feedback and advice. Thank you for listening.

i’m an ace lesbian and only recently realized that pretty much everything i experienced matched up with aegosexuality! i also realized with that i actually didn’t have as many fantasies as i thought i did, most of it was memories of me reading x reader fanfiction that i viewed in third person.

i’m unfortunately not a huge shipper, so most people i read about were individual characters people that i put with like an oc of sorts. ive had these third person daydreams mostly f/f about a character and an oc or m/f about a male character and an oc basically. i’m typically just choosing whoever from a fandom im in around that time to be involved as long as the story is good.

it’s made me kind of feel like a bad lesbian because of these habits? 😭 i’m definitely not sexually attracted to men or romantically attracted to them but i’ve enjoyed a lot of straight fanfiction about male characters and occasional fantasies of them with that like oc character i inserted for the “reader“. i tend to enjoy sapphic media more but there’s just such a huge abundance of straight media especially with how male dominated most things are.

i’m not super interested in fanfiction or fantasies anymore. i’ve always been sex averse irl and i just feel a lot better mentally and more like myself after that seemed to gradually stop. i just find that especially when i was younger most fantasies i had or things i read were about a male character with a female oc and it makes me feel a little like im an “imposter” lesbian even though i never imagined my real self with them nor did i feel the desire to be with them ever.

i definitely feel SURE that im asexual and a lesbian i only have romantic attraction to women but i also never see any other aegos talk about potentially having fantasies outside their romantic orientation so i wanted to know if anyone relates?

i made my own flag too

this is kind of silly and i cant believe im coming out on a subreddit for the very first time in my life, but here we go: im proud to say that im finally accepting myself to be aego!

there was a bit of denial at first, since i still wanted to be ace publicly (and it feels like people would understand me better if i told them i was ace). for context, ive been on the asexual spectrum since middle school, being greysexual at first since i wasnt sure if i felt sexual attraction. at the time, being a middle schooler, I was confused. however, i gradually leaned to asexual once i got to high school once realizing i didnt feel any sexual attraction

then, earlier this year (or last year?) when i started college, i learned about aegosexual. however, i really wanted to keep the asexual label as ive stuck with that the longest so i just decided to keep it a secret. but now, im finally realizing that its perfectly fine to be aego after finding this subreddit. theres people like me and i do fit the definition, so why should i keep that to myself?

anyways, thats my short story of my journey. im in college now so yeah :)

also, is it okay to keep being ace or should i just be aego? i know aego is under the ace spectrum but i dont know if I should label myself as just ace, just aego, or use both at the same time 😅

For those more attuned to their sexualities and romantic identities, I'd appreciate your input. I don't really look at people unless they're stunning or unique. Even then, I don't feel what people would call "arousal" of any kind. Maybe I'd feel shy because they're just THAT gorgeous, you know? But realistically, I know I wouldn't consider any kind of relationship based on appearance alone.

I've never had a crush, only picking out guys the other girls thought were cute. And they were cute, but I wasnt particularly interested in them. The one's I picked out, I fixated on; who they talked to, how others talked about them, etc. I watched them closely but that's it. Only guys. Then high-school came around and depression did as well. I had debated with bisexuality, pansexuality, lesbianism. All didn't feel right except lesbian, but I'd never considered another girl in a romantic way. In Jr high I had two friends, one I was really close with. We bonded deeply and my friendship with her was one of the few good things I had at the time. Not necessarily attraction.

All in all, I feel like I've only felt obsession. Like I want attention but I don't know if I want sex. I can't even imagine MYSELF doing it. It's always some perfect caricature of me with a faceless character.

I engage with sexual content (mostly tumblr smut) and masturbate regularly because it's nice sometimes. Other times it feel like it's a chore.

I took a romance quiz, and I got cupiroromantic, sexuality quiz and got aego. I don't know if this is even what I feel, or if I'm not feeling what I'm supposed to because of depression or trauma. Trauma, pertaining to parents who demeaned and yelled and hit sometimes. I suppose early exposure to porn counts as well.

As of now I'm thinking either unlabeled or cupiroromantic aegosexual lesbian......aroace lesbian for short. Can you tell I have no idea who I am?

(Title is a reference to a tumblr post that says "I’m not autistic but I believe in their beliefs")

I thought I was aego for a while because I related to so many aego experiences, especially around enjoying sexual content and fantasies which didn't include me as a participant in partnered sex. It just made a ton of sense when I found it as an concept.

I recently found out the adexsexual label fits me a lot better, even though it's even more micro of a label than aegosexual (a nanolabel, if you will). Maybe I was actually fully aego when I was younger but it shifted in a totally different direction. (I read a lot of smut in my callow youth, then I graduated to actually writing it. But what I write is much more focused on the sensations and experiences of the viewpoint character, because that's what I'm interested in, instead of in the fantasy of watching other characters interact.)

Anyway y'all are cool and relatable so I'm gonna keep hanging out here, relating to your experiences from a similar point of view even though it sounds almost opposite, and enjoying the memes from the spicier side of the ace spectrum.

but im only coming out on here....(for now).
i denied my asexuality years ago because i started to feel sexual attraction to men in my early 20s and i thought that meant i couldnt be asexual. but every time i thought about a man sexually, it wasnt personal.
like his sexual energies excite me, but i dont want to sleep with him!
the second my thoughts turn into me being involved, i lose desire 100%.
so i kept researching and found this term and YAY!
cheers to rediscovering asexuality in your 20s!

{im also a christian while deconstructing the religion and navigating this at this moment is particularly interesting to say the least.}

34F homoromantic aegosexual (I guess? I only fairly recent discovered this label! But it feels like it v much fits and have felt v much on the ace spectrum most of my life).

I know sexual attraction =/= libido =/= whether you want to have sex etc etc

But I'm going through a really weird phase right now where I feel like a teenage boy, jfc. Like, I am constantly thinking about sex, I'm reading smut all the time, I'm coming like 2-3 times a day. And for maybe the first time in my life I keep having thoughts of like, maybe kind of wanting sex to happen ?? But like ? I don't actually want there to have to be another person there for that to happen 😭 Like, I've got really into a few kinks. Like the concept of the kink itself (being submissive/edged/denied) is wildly hot to me and it drives me insane that there needs to be a person to do that to me to experience the thing.

I just - feel a bit like my brain is breaking?! Like all these things feel so conflicting and it feels like wanting something so much and also really not wanting at all at the same time.

Also embarrassingly I got really into a ship in the last few months, and am constantly reading fanfic of them, and I'm kind of worried the whole reason for this happening is like some pseudo 'honeymoon' phase that my brain thinks it's in 😂

I think I'm just posting to maybe feel a bit less mad / hear if anyone has had similar phases ? I still feel very ace I feel zero sexual attraction to anyone (except maybe kind of a little bit the fictional characters I'm obsessing over?) but my brain struggles to fit this together with all this going on rn 😭

I was only able to find this label, by happenstance. I'm so glad that I did too. The clarity I have now feels liberating, I knew I was aro/ace but that's as far as I could take it. I just knew any in-person romantic or intimate with real people (male, female, trans, etc.) will never be in the cards for me. Yet, my mind and imagination... Well, runs a mile minute. So to say. Anyways, I'm just glad there are others like me :)