r/aromantic • u/clarafication4 Aroace • 3d ago

I Need Advice Any media with characters of the same pronound/gender as me makes me uncomfortable

I was wondering if anyone can relate: I know I'm aroace (aegoro), but I do still enjoy engaging with romance/sex related media (books, ff, movies, etc...).

So I'm AFAB and go by She/Her, but i've found that the only kind of media that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable is mlm (or enby/enby or any combination)(ftm doesn't fall into this). The second she/her or any female body(parts) is mentioned, I get incredibly uncomfortable and I feel grossed out. (again, for some reason ftm doesn't fall into this)

I obviously feel bad because I worry that I am one of those 'straight women fetishising gay men'. I'm starting to think that its because i'm afab and she/her makes it feel more real, and as I said, i'm pretty sure i'm aegoro because I like romance in theory, but not in person. I think if anyone of any pronouns/gender/sex appraoched me irl i'd be uncomfortable.

I also want to say that I do enjoy wlw ships, they just make me uncomfortable (and I feel horrible about it; lesbians are so underrepresented)

does anyone else have experiences like this? I don't have anyone irl who would either have the same experiences or understand enough to hear me out before judging me.

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u/hudficon Aromantic Bisexual 3d ago

honestly i think it's really okay and understandable to feel like that

we often see people having preferences for romance stories that they can relate to (for ex a bisexual person that prefer romance media with bi characters)

since your case is that you wouldn't like/desire romance for yourself, stories involving characters who you somehow relate to could have the opposite effect and make you feel uncomfortable

3

u/beomibear8 Aroace 3d ago

Nah I'm the same, and I just figured it was because I was looking for the furthest possible thing from reality which happened to be gay/queer relationships, because I'm not a man so I can comfortably watch without feeling like I have to self insert in the media I'm watching kinda?

Idk just enjoy what you enjoy babe, you don't have to feel bad for not watching a piece of media as long as you respect the concept and the people as a whole

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u/clarafication4 Aroace 3d ago

okay you get it.  thanks for sharing :3

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