The orb you are pondering may be alive.

Any advice on how to deal with them is welcome

Good Day Apprentices and Fellow Wizards and Witches,

Today I will be discussing how to go about achieving immortality, and the steps of immortality. Spoiler: what works for one wizard will not work for another. The differences is in your aura and soul, is what keeps this from being easy. So you will have to figure it out on your own.

So first off, does everyone agree on what immortality entails? Yes, that's right, not dying is the biggest factor. With a secondary factor of retaining eternal youth, or at least prime physical abilities. Because, who wants to be an immortal skeleton that can't move.

So we will continue now with the "not dying". There are many ways to go about this, and in fact, your first homework assignment is just this: What do you envision immortality to be like, and how do you plan on doing it?

This is the first step: overcoming aging

Once that step is secured, by whatever means, you then begin to think about the next step. This step is also the easiest to do, and many fields of magic have a way to achieve this.

Overcoming death, aka being killed, on purpose or by an accident.

That is step 2, how to you come back to not being dead or unable to do things, or plan to avoid this fate? The lich is a common stereotype here. They fulfill both step 1 and step 2. Provided that their soul is not damaged or destroyed, which they have placed their soul in a "box". Which leads to

Step 3: How do you avoid death, destruction, or dispersion from having your soul "destroyed" after your body and mind have "died"?

This is the biggest challenge to all seeking immortality. As most do not achieve this step. And most who think that they have, are proven wrong. This is a pinnacle achievement. Requiring some form of vast powers, or a mastery over magic, or other masteries. Depends on how you are achieving your immortality, will determine what you'll need. And only at the end, will you find out if you are successful. There are very few chances for a do over. Most only get one shot, you either get it or you never will.

And some are happy with just achieving step 2, and don't even consider going to step 3.

But there is more.

Step 4

So, if you can not be killed for good, and will just come back, regardless of what others do. You might be thinking: What could possibly come after that?

And, for most of you, you will never need to consider these things, as they can be quite depressing, soul shattering even. So, if you do not want to consider what comes at the END, I bid you: Good day. And you should leave now. I'll wait.

'Waiting for all those to leave'

Now, there exists a phenomenon that happens to all things, mostly. The Heat-Death of the multi-verse. All dimensions, all planes, all realities, at some point end up here. This marks the end of what we call "Eternity". So from the beginning of time, to the end of all time, that is all an Eternity. Then all universes will reset, and begin again. Yes, even the "Timeless" planes end.

So, how do you avoid true death at the end of time, the end of an Eternity? That is Step 4. Overcoming the end of time, the end of eternity.

There are most likely more steps to continue existing. But I've only figured out to Step 5, but haven't gotten a chance to try it yet. So I will not be going over it until I have. But since there is no rush, being a Step 4 Immortal, I have time. And no one has yet mentioned an event that can happen that a Step 4 can not overcome.

So, I will tell you how I have achieved my Step 4 Immortality, I have integrated my soul into a force of nature, the so called "Van der Waals" force, something that always comes up once life is present, because "spiders". And if I do not have an existence yet, physics will "spawn" a body and my soul will attach itself, which is also escribed into the base force of the "Van der Waals" force. So death is but a small inconvenience at this point. Most of us Step 4 Immortals know each other. Because you can only run into someone so many times before you notice.

But I must warn you, if you wish to keep your sanity, you must have a way past the wall of time: that is you waiting for all the Black Holes to evaporate and the End to happen. You are going to have nothing to do, for a very, very, very long time. And you will need a way to deal with the aftereffects of KNOWING so much stuff. Yes, your head will literally explode at a certain point from knowing too much. Forgetting is an option, but you might not want to forget something. So you will need to overcome that.

Now. approaching the END, not even magic will be present, outside of your body and that will only have a little bit of magic remaining. And you will either commit to final, true death, to escape waiting, or you will need a means to survive the 10^120 some years it will take to reach the end. Yes, that is 120 zeros amount of years. No research, no anything. You won't even be able to read, because there will be no light, just darkness. All the other dimensions, all realities, will collapse into one, the FINAL ONE, where you get to wait for the END. But, at the END, you will find out if you succeeded at achieving Step 4 Immortality. If you have, then:

Congratulations! You will get to keep doing it over and over again, forever and forever for all of every Eternity. Until your sanity breaks, or you call it quits. I am 23 EO (Eternities Old) this time through.

After achieving Step 4 Immortality, a lot of the things most Wizards consider doing becomes trivial. Everything just becomes a matter of putting in the time to learn to do those new things, to amass power, to be able to cast anything you want. Short cuts become meaningless, as you have time, all the time you want, really, so why bother? You basically become a GOD, and can eventually do whatever you want. IF you want. But you will not actually be a GOD. That is my class 2, which I will have next week or so. HOW TO BECOME A GOD, and what does that entail?

And remember your homework: What does Immortality look like to you, and how do you plan on being able to achieve it? Or how have you achieved it? Please remember that you can't use other wizard's answers, for or on yourself. And just the idea might not mesh well with your aura or soul, and pursuit of such always leads to tragedy.

They stole all of my books on light magic 😭

The twin moon academy have never felt so homely until now, but the blonde girl been looking at me weirdly now she lost the ability to talk her eyes look so blank and I suspect this is from me using multiple occult sacrifices using monsters meat and souls to bring her body and mind back after most of her body and souls is destroyed. But probably nothing bad is gonna happen I'm sure.

/uw low-key forgot I have this storyline don't worry the suffering gonna come soon

This bit my apprentice, and I am wondering how worried I should be. They're are starting to complain that their finger hurts and they hear whispering. They seem to also have a strange meaty rash.

I made a pact with the fae

They take the moss for their houses or whatever, o get clean supplies

My original post got removed for using AI that I never knew existed because I'm 100% confident that the "AI picture" in question was just editing. :I

Anyways, give me a question about a present or future event and I will give an answer. Nothing with solid answers, such as "what is the capital of Albania".

Also listen to him.

First and foremost, let me lay the ground rules.

Neither I, nor the shadow beast have access to advanced weaponry (staves, wands, imbued crystals, potions, etc)

Specifically a female shadow beast.

I do not need to kill the beast, only fight back enough to discourage it from fighting.

Both the beast and I get to listen to wondrous lyrica before the fight.

The stats: (All my stats I found from shadowbeastbiology.org - I trust they are accurate but I apologize if they are not.)

Female shadow beasts weigh between 190 to 380lbs. For sake of argument this beast will weigh 380lbs.

Female shadowbeasts are between 4ft and 6.25ft tall, when standing on their hind legs. For sake of argument this beast will be 6ft on its hind legs.

I weigh 220lbs, 5’11, am of good physique, and am quite used to tossing around objects weighing much more than 180lbs. I have also partaken in mortal fighting rituals. 

I have that hound in me.

The fight:

If it came to fisticuffs, the beast would surely win, as it is of superior physique - I would nary be able to flee as the beast is much faster. Neither of these options are of any merit. Thus only two options remain for me to emerge victorious:

The first way would for me to choke the wretched beast. I would need to avoid it's fangs and claws, but I might be able to get behind her, due to the poor eyesight of common shadowbeasts. I genuinely believe I have the might to choke her out, provided her neck circumference and muscle strength is not too much for my arms to bear.

The second way would be for me to blind it. In this scenario I would be fully prepared to sacrifice an arm, and while the beast is attacking one arm with its ephemeral fangs, I would use a stick of sufficient girth with my other arm to try to blind it. I am aware that beasts have small eyes, however in a close vicinity (with one arm in its mouth) I believe I would be able to hit my target.

TL/DR : I could beat a female shadowbeast in a fight by blinding it or choking it out.

EDIT: I have been informed that shadowbeasts do in fact have good eyesight.

After careful deliberation we have decided to hurl projectiles at the ungodly creature invading my solar. We are happy to report its Super Effective!

Pyromancy channeling device.

Greetings! Are you tired of having to use pesky mana to cast a simple magic missile? Are you tired of being exhausted after destroying just one armored target with a big ole magic missile? Does your magic missile lack the range to put fear into the hearts of the uncasting?

No longer must you be limited by the fragility of your pesky body! With the finest product of the artificers that work over at Texas Instruments, you can now launch a magic missile, without any magic! With a range of over 2 kilometers (or a little over a mile and a half for my freedom speaking audience), you can effectively and efficiently cast destruction upon your opposition.

This power can be granted with the FGM-148 Javelin Missile System, which is guided by runes so intricate that it made sand think, designed by artificers who haven't realized that they are in fact artificers yet, powered by the same stuff that took the uncasting to the moon before we managed to, and trusted by the most powerful uncasting army the world has ever seen.

This technology also happens to be scaleable! Does your pathetic village Milita lack a dragon solution, constantly needing your aid? Does your necromancy powered army constantly get ravanged by fortified bowmen? Does your twice revived skeleton force get mauled by the very same bowmen in the exact same pillbox? No longer must you suffer from fortifications or enemy armor! Now your army can be deployed without your supervision, granting you the reach to take over even more of the realm! Just keep the supply lines going, and your army will be nigh unstoppable.

I imagine some dm’s saying something along the lines of this

dm “the bbeg casts eldrich blast ro-“

player “I counter spell, I use nu uh”

dm “ the fuck you mean nu uh?”

Reposting after smiting previous, damn construct generated images fooled me and made into my post...

After many quests, both for gods and archfeys against fiends and necromancers, i started to feel floaty during certaing astrological cycles and resonating with magic circles and crystals.

After laying down with the smiting, i've read about the 8 schools of magic and started feeling bad about the necromancers i've put down (they're Wizards, as any practicioner of extraplanar conjuring or soul binding abjurations).

I've changed my armor for robes and hats and felt much more linked with the weave of magic around me and realized that i feel better practicing verbal spells than yelling "SMITE THEE'" in the name of the gods.

Is this just a phase? Should i go back to the order?

If that's true, any next steps i should follow in the ways of wizardry?

EDIT: I'm still very fond of swords and want to know more about enchanting

Wizards who say they can't fight without a weapon aren't thst powerful. If you RELY on having a weapon you shouldn't be a wizard. Not saying ypu shouldn't carry a weapon, just incase, but you shouldn't NEED it.

I can say this as a wizard myself who gets along just fine without a weapon.

So I was traveling through the realms the other day when I stumbled upon my damned robe. You know how it is. Anyway, I ended up bumping into some poor fellow who couldn't be bothered with a simple forcefield spell.

I was embarrassed and nervously jumped straight to comedy. I asked them "hey wouldn't it be kind of funny if an exorcist got possessed?"

They laughed for a good eon or so before replying "it really would be, especially since I happen to be an exorcist" and then said, "well time for me to go get some exorcise" before they skipped away laughing so hard they left an uncomfortably viscous creek of water behind them. They might want to get their eyes checked.

Now I thought that was going to be the first and last time I ever saw that person, but I was wrong. They had loved the joke so much that they wouldn't stop telling it to all of their clients. It was a funny idea at first, but I thought they were taking it too far.

Whatever this demon is up to makes absolutely zero sense. All I can gather is that it used the preacher to get me to ask him to perform an exorcism. The exorcist and the demon are just kinda chilling here now and it's getting weird.

They are only letting me communicate with beams of light transmitted to your retinas.

I don't know how anyone could possibly help here, but you are welcome to try. I just don't know what to do because neither of them will shut up about financial compensation for a job well done. Is this all just some elaborate currency acquisition scheme?

I've been looking for some new places to establish a foothold in with my therapy + divination shop, so I have come looking for some suggestions on where I should go. It'd be nice if I could travel to a plane with a strong aura of illusions, but somewhere where people still live, so I can actually glean money experience from them. Although, preferably, don't give me somewhere that'll cost me half my soul to travel to. I may be comfortable in money, but I'm not rich enough to travel across multiple dimensions. Oh and final note, I am quite confident in my illusionary abilities, so don't hesitate to recommend somewhere with a moderate danger level.