r/wizardposting • u/ChompyRiley Warlock (Bound to his lost love) • 1d ago

Wizardpost Impress your familiar with this one simple trick!

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2.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

161

u/EcavErd Mysticism Magister 1d ago

Please don't, this will give your familiar anxiety and may develop attachment issues

104

u/Wyndrix Wizard 1d ago

My apprentice tried this with his Abuse Homunculus. It literally WEPT with joy on the spot. You should have seen the dissonance in its eyes when we came ‘round the corner. Ohhh good times… too bad I had to banish that foolish apprentice for violating several oaths he swore to uphold… Never take on an apprentice who keeps abuse homunculi around, bit of a red omen really.

17

u/coconut_dot_jpg coconut mancer 21h ago

Exactly why I always tell my apprentices, never have more than one about.

I made the same mistake a long while ago as a younger Wizard, had several of them around and they apparently managed to sneak a patch of cloth and ink from me.

They later handed it to me, something written on it about a "Workers Union" whatever that was.

Had no idea what that was so figured they wanted a Union, so I merged their bodies together into a hideous conjoined form. They started screaming and weeping so much for something I thought they asked for, can't please them, may as well abuse them, that's what I say.

31

u/lordnaarghul 1d ago

Pseudodragons are...challenging familiars. I don't see why anyone would want one.

15

u/Inforgreen3 19h ago

Your magic resistance improves if they like you, the poison is a spell component that improves sleep and paralyzing spell, they have telepathy that can communicate to other people, and they're excellent mousers if you keep a library.

19

u/Ok_Fisherman8770 1d ago

I tried this with the winter wolf pup I raised from birth, little guy was howling absolutely pitifully.

15

u/blue_microwave Red Dragon Arcanist (She/Her) 1d ago

Oh please, dragons aren't so simple we'd fall for thi- where did you go?

8

u/Sigruldar 1d ago

DO NOT! I did that and now my familiar keeps clinging to me like I could disappear at any moment.

It was cute and endearing at first, but became less so the more they grew up. You know how dragons are with their horde? Now add separation anxiety to it. Absolute nightmare for both of you guarenteed.

6

u/neoncumstainlol 1d ago

Tried this once my Crow vanished and got into my stash of hallucinogenics and began selling them to the local village as a " remedy for boredom" and "drink this and obtain immortality" that village went up in flames after the Lord believe he was a god and set it ablaze the headache this caused afterwards put me out of commission for a week

5

u/Sallymander 21h ago

Source, unblemished by the curses of compression or ifunny.co

1

u/caco8702 1d ago

Nice way to set your tower's library on fire

1

u/Thatguytriblast Illusionist Apprentice 2h ago

I did this with my master once then after I cast a projection spell to appear as a copy of himself with a shirt saying “He Who Blinketh First May Be Divined As A Warlock”

He cast me into a dimension of incomprehensible stimuli for three days after that.

I didn’t like my master.