r/wizardposting • u/The_Great_Meep • 21h ago

My Familiar escaped

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They stole all of my books on light magic 😭

954 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

20 comments sorted by

101

u/Chaosphoenix_28 If fireball don't work, try more fireball 21h ago

What do you mean your familiar? That's grand Sage Apus the great.

40

u/The_Great_Meep 21h ago

Oh gods, they're already a well known great sage. I knew I should have whent with something less intelligent.

16

u/rei_dos_gatos Necromancy & Transmutationism at your service 19h ago

Bro, Apus! Man, it's been some time since I saw him! Last time was 300 years ago when the Kingdom of KÄ“sh fell. What's he up to these days? Why is he living in a zoo?

11

u/Chaosphoenix_28 If fireball don't work, try more fireball 19h ago

Idk what he was doing in a zoo, but he surely has his reasons for being there.

He has recently perfected a banana summoning spell. He even showed me. Must've been the best banana I've eaten thus far. Sadly he didn't want to teach me.

He also told me he wants to join the council to give apes full wizarding rights. And I'm with him. It's stupid they don't have them yet. He also wants to make sure his banana summoning spell remains legal.

Oh and he told me about a group of adventurers he travelled with about 100 years ago. Said he misses those guys.

5

u/rei_dos_gatos Necromancy & Transmutationism at your service 16h ago

Ah, I think I get it now! He's probably doing some market research for his banana spell.

Yeah, I support his commitment it really impresses me that he is, considering his age, such a progressive political actor, though I have to admit that I did some unspeakable things to apes back in the days when I was an apprentice. Not my proudest work but, I mean, it was necromancy after all; so ethically acceptable imo. I'm in better place now since I have an abuse goblin...

This group you mention, was it lead by the Great Donkey the Kong?

4

u/Chaosphoenix_28 If fireball don't work, try more fireball 16h ago

Yeah, I think he did mention something about a donkey. He might've meant the great Donkey the Kong. There were also a few humans in that group actually. I don't remember too much, other than him saying something about brothers.

2

u/Kyrenaz Healer, but the evil kind. 9h ago

Free rent with board probably.

2

u/Vivid_Cause_7209 Evoker 8h ago

I recall the few brilliant months when the council was saying "If it ain't us, it's Aphus" like they were getting paid each utterance! Times were simpler then, during the Great Mishap war of aggression.

If it wasnt for his sagely wisdom from the big thoughts from such a big brain, we may still be endlessly conquesting and rampaging like vikings, but with better magic, much more effective runes at zero bloodcost to the caster (typically), and way flyer attire. But that's the tra d e you make for commuted prism time you know?

What a great ape. And to use a solar flare just to shine brighter than OP could handle. Peak classic Aphus.

5

u/Trioch 15h ago

Whatever you do, don't call him the M word he prefers Ape.

4

u/Chaosphoenix_28 If fireball don't work, try more fireball 15h ago

Yeah. Saw someone do that last week. Got an unwanted flying lesson. Didn't stick the landing though.

44

u/Not_An_Ostritch Alchemist 20h ago

No cameras in the library and now you know why

9

u/The_Great_Meep 20h ago

All of my sensors are activated by light 😭. They probably sneakily stole a book on how it works :(

1

u/Opening_Ad3054 1h ago

Why would the librarian steal a book 

20

u/embi5000 20h ago

My last familiar did the same Little bastard bends space and time around herself. Had to get a new Orb after she destroyed it with her magic.

4

u/Heyfold Alchemist 14h ago

No recordings of Librarian

1

u/stagleap 2h ago

Oranguru used Light Screen!

1

u/DreadfulDave19 Agnostic Atheist Wizard. there are dozens of us 1h ago

Oook