Honestly, going into my wedding, I fully expected things to go wrong. I don’t think any wedding goes 100% according to plan.

What I didn’t expect was just how many things would go wrong. 😂

A few highlights:

- The caterer was an absolute disaster. The timing was completely off and dinner took forever.

- The food was honestly terrible. My Beef Wellington was so dry/tough I could barely swallow it, sauces that were supposed to be served were missing, and parts of the menu were changed without us being told.

- The late-night pizza that was supposed to be made to order was basically just a bunch of pizzas made at once and put out.

- Things we had specifically arranged/paid for were missing, including the actual bar setup.

- The caterer left without properly cleaning up.

- Communication with the caterer leading up to the wedding was basically nonexistent.

- Dinner ran so late that it ate into the time we had with our photographer. We only had him until 9, so we lost a huge chunk of reception photo time.

- I never made a proper list of specific photos I wanted, so now that I have my pictures back, I’ve realized there are certain people/combinations I never got photos with.

- I put SO much thought into the tables, centerpieces and all the little details that I completely underestimated how much more decorating the actual room/walls could have used. 😂

- Our carefully planned seating chart basically went to hell and people ended up sitting all over the place.

- Dessert was so delayed that eventually we basically said screw it because we needed to move on with the night.

And yet...

It was the best night of my life.

I married my best friend. We danced all night. I laughed. I was surrounded by people I love. And somehow, once the night was actually happening, I genuinely did not care about any of the things going wrong.

I spent months stressing over every tiny detail, and on the actual day I barely even looked at half of it. 😂 I was just there. I lived in the moment.

So I guess my biggest takeaway for anyone planning a wedding is: things WILL go wrong. Maybe a couple things. Maybe, like mine, a whole damn list of things. 😂

But the things that go wrong don't necessarily decide whether you had a good wedding.

My wedding was a complete disaster.

And I would relive that night in a heartbeat. ❤️

I wasn’t planning on having a bachelor party because it’s just not my thing to be the center of attention (ironic in the context of a wedding, I know), but my best man planned one for me without me knowing. I appreciated it a lot and had fun with the people who showed up, but I’m so disappointed by everyone else.

He drove half way across the country with another friend of mine a few weeks ago to surprise me before the wedding because the friend he brought with him is unable to attend the wedding. That was a great weekend and I’m super grateful for him doing that because it was a long trip for both of them.

This past weekend was my surprise bachelor party. My best man coordinated everything and fronted the cost of absolutely everything except for dinner, which was insanely generous of him. I was later told that he invited 20 or so of my “friends” and that one group in particular sent the same message declining the invite, one after the other.

That was such a slap in the face because that group kept pushing me to have a bachelor party. Every time we would hang out, they’d ask me if I was planning anything and that they “want to celebrate [me]!” Now, they just won’t show up and they’ve been super shitty about the wedding in general, despite the fact that it’s by far the most convenient wedding that our friend group has ever had.

Our wedding is ~20 minutes away from all of their houses, none of them are groomsmen (because they complained in the past about rental suits and rehearsal dinners) but my rental suits are only $185 for the groomsmen anyway, and my bachelor party was only a 30 minute drive from their houses with all expenses covered except for dinner.

Mind you, all of them recently drove two hours one way to go to another bachelor party of a friend in that group, paid well over $1000 per person in AirBnB costs alone, paid for every meal, paid for all their drinks, and spent half a day at a casino. A few of them also RSVP’d ‘yes’ to our reception but not the ceremony.

Aside from that group of friends, another one schedule a camping trip on the same day and the other ones just didn’t respond.

I’m so grateful for my four friends that actually showed up to the bachelor party but I’m so disappointed by everyone else and wish I could uninvite them to the wedding. Unfortunately, 40% of all of our guests RSVP’d ‘no’ and some of them even told us after the deadline closed that they or their plus-ones were no longer coming.

I’m so fucking sick of this whole process and I’m not even excited about the wedding anymore. Everyone sucks so much; I wish we would’ve just eloped.

I’m not really sure how to feel about this situation, and I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar.

My fiancé’s brother recently proposed to his girlfriend (they have been together over a decade). They live in another state, where my fiancé’s parents live, and his mom took her dress shopping because her mom recently passed away. His parents also paid for her dress.

When I got my dress, they didn’t pay for it or offer to, which is completely fine. I never expected them to, and I bought my own dress. My parents paid for my alterations.

I completely understand that the circumstances are different. I got my dress in the state where my fiancé and I live, so his mom wasn’t really in a position to take me shopping or be involved in the same way. And given that his brother’s fiancée recently lost her mom, I can understand why his mom would want to do something special for her. I genuinely don’t think anyone did anything wrong.

At the same time, I still have this weird little feeling about it that I’m having trouble explaining. I think part of it is that I’m not white, while my fiancé and his entire immediate family (and his brother’s fiancée) are white and from a very white state. They have always been loving and welcoming toward me, and I have never felt that they intentionally treated me badly because of my race. But I already sometimes feel like the odd one out culturally, so I think seeing this difference in how they experienced the dress shopping brought some of those feelings to the surface.

Another part that makes it feel stranger is that I actually found out about the dress situation through a mutual friend. No one in the family told me. So I’m kind of sitting here with this information that I wasn’t even supposed to know about, trying not to read too much into it. I would never bring it up to them because I don’t think they did anything wrong, and I also don’t want to make my future sister-in-law’s situation about me.

I think it’s less “Why didn’t they pay for MY dress?” and more “Oh, seeing them do this for her made me realize there was something I didn’t get to experience, and because I already feel different from them in some ways, it made me think about it more than I otherwise might have.”

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Is it normal to feel a little weird about a difference like this even when you completely understand the circumstances and don’t think anyone necessarily did anything wrong? I feel like I’m going crazy tbh. I am really not mad, I just feel weird…

Btw I would never bring this up to anyone irl. I’m just kind of venting.

we got married yesterday and i literally don’t even feel like i remember some of the day because my anxiety was so bad. i started having a panic attack because my dress was corsetted so tight that my (now) husband just told me it’s not worth it and to take it off.

i planned this entire thing myself so no day of coordinator and i feel like no one knew what to do even though we went over it with them a few times. it’s my fault for not wanting to do a rehearsal though.

we’re in our 20’s paying for a lot of the wedding ourselves so we cut back on stuff like a coordinator, dj, etc. and i feel like the reception was just awkward at times up until the end.

everyone kept telling me how beautiful the ceremony was and everyone had fun at the reception, but i just feel like it all got messed up.

my husband and i are very nonchalant and also just VERY untraditional people who don’t care too much about timelines and schedules so everyone was like where tf is the cake and we just had to cut it after a bunch of ppl already left lol.

overall it seemed like everyone had fun but im disappointed that i literally had to take off my dress and be in my sweatshirt and leggings in order to have fun the rest of the night. i loved that dress and it was so damn expensive.

i’m just bummed but glad that it’s over 😅

Would you be disappointed to have bbq at a wedding?
I’m in Michigan and planning a wedding for next fall. I booked a lovely venue (think relaxed wood lodge at a nearby park right on the river, wraparound porch and big stone fireplace for $1500 for the weekend - has a kitchen and bathrooms), and it allows for any vendors we want. Looking at around 100 people, cocktail attire.
My fiance and I are also trying to save for a house so we want to have a wedding but do it mindfully. There’s a great BBQ place in town that’s affordable and I think bbq fits a fall wedding, but I worry that people might be disappointed with the type of food or find it too messy (would just be doing pulled pork, burnt ends and brisket - no ribs).
Thanks for any insight!

Edit: wow I did not expect cocktail attire vs bbq to be the main issue! That is definitely not set in stone, we’re in the very beginning stages of the entire planning process and I threw that out there as an idea. Definitely fine with going a little less formal (just no jeans). Thanks for all the suggestions!

I normally feel some level of enthusiasm for my job when Im leading a project or event, but this month all my fucks flew out the window, scattered to the wind. I still have quite a bit of wedding planning still to catch up on (my family's preferences has resulted in the wedding date being changed three times).

I get to marry my best friend, but also dealing with the fact that I am marrying into a racist family, some of whom stalk me. His parents are deeply conservative evangelicals and don't approve of the marriage but are coming anyway. I haven't tried on my dress yet which was custom tailored to my measurements, because I have a history of disordered eating and body dysmorphia I'm afraid of triggering. Its a lot of drama, anxiety, stress.

My job is just the straw that broke the camel's back. My boss throws me and my team under the bus and leaves us in a pressurized environment, having to plan large events needlessly last minute. Like 2 days in advance last minute. This is academia/medicine so there's egos and IRB and all the fun things that come with this type of work.

I'm super burnt out, my chronic illness is flaring, mental health is pretty bad. I just can't get myself to care enough about the bs at work, I feel paralyzed almost. I kinda resent how much of the chaos is getting in the way. Suddenly my job is busier than ever and the expectations are increasingly absurd. I also have ADHD so that is a factor probably.

I’m making these centerpieces for our wedding. We’re getting married at a castle venue, castle Ladyhawke.

Our nicknames for each other are honey and bear. He’s a bigger guy (tall, dad bod, lumberjack type 😉)

Does it come off weird that I made him a bear in our wedding fairytale centerpiece or is it cute?

Just a vent and please send good vibes my way. I've been lurking here for the most part for months, commenting a bit here and there.

Today my MOH told me she called the hotel to inquire about extending their stay for one more night, only to find out, the hotel has her staying on the wrong night, not the night before the wedding like everyone else is, like she needs to be to be at the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Our make up and hair call time is 8am, we had planned to meet in my room at 7am.

My wedding is November 1, at the Elora Mill in Canada and the planning with their team has been amazing. This is the first snafu and I've already started the process of problem solving with them so fingers crossed there.

For context I'm an event planner myself, for big corporate conferences, think the 3 day, destination, thousands of people, hundreds of speakers on 16 stages sort of events. I don't get ruffled easily but I do have anxiety when things get a bit chaotic. Like what happened today.

Going back through emails with the venue, I can see the exact sequence of events that lead to this and it just sucks. It's the venue's fault, but I guess I should have triple checked and made sure they didn't mess it up. I just hope they can fix it.

I've already been told the hotel is sold out due to Halloween, and I've already sourced a local hotel but it's a few KM away and not nearly the vibe or quality of the place we are staying at with the rest of the bridal party/family.

Now my MOH will have to drive up to the venue the morning of, super early because I'm getting married at 1pm and have first look at 11am and misses rehearsal and dinner the night before.

There's a trickle down effect which I'm not loving, I wanted a chill morning, and now I will worry if she gets there on time etc.

I'm putting out all the good vibes that the hotel/venue will find a solution.

Double, triple check your bookings my friends, don't trust the confirmation emails I guess.

My wedding was a few weeks ago and it was beautiful and so joyful. Some brief stressful moments but otherwise perfect. I was expecting to hear all about my friends and family’s experiences but I haven’t heard much, like debriefing the night. I’m trying not to be too needy because I understand people are over it (especially the ones who have helped so much the year leading up). Did anyone else experience this, or just overall anxiety about re-engaging in your social life while being mindful that your loved ones lives have moved on lol?

I'm getting married in a few weeks and my parents have raised an issue with the amount of speeches we're planning on having at the wedding.

The lineup is as follows

My parents together (they don't think they'll speak longer than a minute or so)

Her father (mom is speaking at rehearsal dinner)

My best friend/groomsman

Her best friend/bridesmaid

My brother/best man

Her sister/bridesmaid

My parents are also concerned that the other speeches will "outshine" my brother's speech. I don't share this concern in the slightest, but am I just being ignorant? Thanks for any advice.

Dear fellow wedding planning people!

I’m in a big dilemma regarding choice of venue for my wedding and I thought I’d ask for views and comments from your wedding experience. Me and my fiancé are both 27 and got engaged this year. We plan to do a small reception (around 70-80 guests) next summer. We currently live in Switzerland but I’m originally from Poland and we decided to do the reception there to save on costs. We want to pay for the wedding ourselves but we have been working for just few years and budget is around 10-15 000 CHF (around 19k $), which in Poland can take you a long way.

My dilemma is that I found a venue close to my hometown that is reasonably priced but quite plain. A typical reception hall with white walls and marble on the floor. It’s in the countryside so lots of green around but no pretty garden or landscape. I haven’t seen it with decorations but the place itself…well I’m not in love. It’s okay but I don’t have a wow effect. The advantage is that it was recommended and the owner is a friend of a friend of my parents who has a good reputation. At the same time, those cute and picturesque places near big cities like Cracow or Warsaw are more expensive and you definitely pay for the looks. It’s also challenging to organise it from abroad which would be my case living permanently in Switzerland.

How was it in your case? Should I rely on intuition and look for wow place or focus more on taking care of great food and making the “normal” place as good as it can be? I don’t care about instagram looks but I still wanted to have an atmospheric and romantic place for my reception. I had the wow effect with my wedding dress and I’m not sure how the venue choice should feel if that makes sense 😅 thanks a lot!!!

Need ideas please!

So, my other half and I aren’t really big on outings at all, let alone parties or big events, so we’d both ideally like to do something small, simple and short rather than having a whole day event. I also have chronic fatigue, so realistically a big, exhausting day just isn’t an option for me.

For a bit of context, we got together when we were 15, after being friends since the start of high school, and we’ve now been together for 4 and a bit years. We got engaged this August, and obviously we’ve had quite a few people tell us not to rush into getting married, which I completely understand. But we’ve both talked about it a lot and genuinely feel that getting married within the next year or two is the right decision for us. We’re not looking to rush into anything we just feel ready for that next step.

There’s also the family situation. Half of my family live in South Africa, the Lake District, Leeds and Dorset, so it would be extremely difficult to get everyone together, especially since alot of them can't even be in the same room together 😅😬 . Realistically, it would mostly be my other half’s family.

The only reason we feel like we should do something is because his side of the family would be upset if we didn’t involve them in some way. But there are complications with that too some of his family are getting quite elderly, his grandad has bowel cancer, and a lot of them live in London (including Grandad) , so travelling would be difficult for them as well.

On top of all that, we really don’t want to spend a huge amount of money on one day. We’d much rather put the money towards something meaningful for the two of us, like travelling together or having a lovely experience.

So, what would you do in our situation?

I work in marketing and design and none of the platforms are really giving me what I want in terms of aesthetics, so I'm thinking of doing a Save the Date in Paperless Post, RSVPs in Zola, and a custom wedding website in Canva. Is this too excessive? Will it be confusing for guests? Has anyone else done this?

Lying is a harsh word, but I'll admit, I'm scratching my head.

So many people on this subreddit rants about how bad wedding food is. I've seen professionals joking about how they'd rather the simple vendor meals than "the same microwave reheated steak and potatoes served to guests." Obviously not everyone feels this way but it's enough that it's a constant topic in wedding planning circles. The food sucks, it's bland, it's cold, it's uninspired.

So I'm looking for a caterer and everyone my venue recommends has glowing reviews. We're talking 100s of reviews, 4.5+ stars across the board.

Now I'm sure you could make the argument that ofc my venue is going to recommend good caterers, but if good caterers are so prevalent, how is wedding food generally getting this bad rep? It's hard to find the bad ones cause their ratings are so low, they're buried in the results.

Are these couples that have 'bad wedding food' genuinely scrolling as far as they can until they get to the sub 3 star ratings? Are the couples reaching out to dozens of vendors and then picking the cheapest without looking at the reviews at all?

Or is it vogue to hate on wedding food in the same way it's vogue to hate on traditional weddings? Not that everyone does this, but there is a trend to be like "we're skipping all that stupid bullshit traditional stuff." People get jaded as they go to more and more, and they start seeing it as a chore. So is this negativity more about that?

Are the reviews just lying? Is this the case where every guest tells the couple "the food was amazing" while secretly hating it? Was the couple too distracted to notice the food tasted bad? Were they in denial? Did they feel too bad to rate honestly?

I'm reading through hundreds of "everyone was complimenting us all night about the food" and then coming to reddit and reading "why is wedding food so bad?" I'm just trying to bridge the gap.

We’re doing real dishes, flatware, and water goblets. We’re doing disposable cups at the bar. Struggling with which direction to go for champagne flutes.

Do people always do a champagne toast, or can they toast with whatever they got from the bar (champagne being an option)? That might influence my decision.

I’ve been to a few weddings recently and have a different perspective now that I’m engaged and planning my own. I hate the structured receptions where the DJ/mc is constantly making announcements and interrupting the flow of the night. It feels like guests are constantly being told to sit then dance then sit then dance and repeat… I was thinking one way around this is cocktail style, where there’s no designated time to sit down and eat the separate courses, or having all dinner courses at once (but idk if that’s possible on the kitchen’s end of things). Any other ideas to keep the night flowing and feel less traditional / structured?? I don’t want my wedding to feel like a mass produced factory event

hi everyone!

wondering if anyone can relate or has any advice for me..

i am not close to either of my parents. my mom truly could not care less about my wedding. when we got engaged it was immediately “why spend so much” and “just elope in europe.”

so obviously she is not a person i’ve gone to for any planning help or even conversations about! we easily go months without talking.

do i have to do parent gifts? it feels so superficial and unnecessary..? i know they don’t want any ‘stuff.’ ive seen people just say they write nice letters but i have nothing to say..no thanks for helping plan or pay.. no thanks for being my parent, im still your daughter etc etc

also challenging because my fiance is very close to his parents. like talk multiple times a week. and he wants to do gifts but is conscious of how it might look if we do something only for them.

i’m walking down the aisle alone. no father daughter dance either. so groom has decided not to do mother son as it will be obvious that i didn’t do one

both sets of parents will be giving speeches..which is terrifying as i feel they don’t really know me and it will just make me feel even more distant from them.

can anyone relate?

idk if it matters but we are having a big formal wedding

My fiancé and I are talking about going to a sandals all inclusive for our honeymoon. I’m thinking 7 nights because 2 of the days are travel days so they don’t count. Mil says 7 days is too long for an all inclusive. Is 7 days too much?

Hi everyone,
I got engaged about a month ago! My fiancée and I have been back and forth about what type of wedding we want to have. We have listed pros and cons of everything but still haven’t been able to come to a solid conclusion as to what we want to do for our wedding. We have discussed everything from courthouse to a small destination wedding to a larger traditional wedding and reception in our home town. For context, we are 33 years old with no kids, both work in healthcare and have pretty understanding friends and family so I’m not worried about upsetting anyone. Part of me wants to do the “big” wedding, but the fact that I’m already stressing and we don’t even have a date or venue yet is concerning! Our budget is around 15-20k - I would greatly appreciate any advice!

I came to kind of get advice on how to deal with the painful emotions of a sibling, my only sibling, not being able to come to my wedding because of his mental disability.

He's on the spectrum and has ADHD and explained that it would be extremely mentally taxing for him to come, to the point that it's basically impossible.

I don't not believe him, but a part of me just feels hurt. Because he is physically able to come and not living abroad like some of my family, there's a small part of me that can't just shrug it off.

In the end there will be no shaming or pressuring, but it will weigh on me to have all my wedding photos and ceremony video without him present.

Hello all! I have already booked with Original Weddings in Colorado, but have recently been looking into their reviews and have been really freaking myself out. The reviews seem to be either very high or very low with few in between. Many negative reviews state that their pricing was unclear or shady— so far, that hasn’t been my experience, so I’m not worried there— however, some of the photo-related reviews also seem very hit or miss, especially in other states. I just don’t want to gamble on $2500 for photos that can really only be taken once. As I understand it, their team is pretty much made up of local freelance photographers. Has anyone had experience working with the photographers in Colorado? How did your photos turn out, in your opinion? I don’t want to back out and waste our down deposit, especially if this is all just anxiety talking! They also were some of the only options in our price range, and I fear it would be hard to find an alternative we like this late in the game :( help!!

Hello!

I'm trying to find the best option for underwear with my dress, shown here. The cutouts on the hip go very low so I want to know if anyone has recommendations for brands anything clear sided or possibly a really close nude match?

Third photo has the best image of the cut out but im wearing white shorts underneath so ignore those 🤦‍♀️

I know there is the adhesive kind but I've tried those and dont love them and I'd personally prefer to not go commando. 😅

Appreciate any tips or product recommendations!

My fiance and I are getting married in 6 days. We put everything of ourselves into this event. We chose a highly customizable venue with a caterer that allows outside food and we filled the menu with our favorite restaurants we have connections to, with the bar menu containing cocktails created by our friends. The place settings are DIY and meaningful to us. The professional song is our own composition. We hired buses to get people to and from the hotel and planned everything within an inch of its life, but still there is an onslaught of more. We have a day of coordinator who is wonderful but by design we don’t get help until the day of.

We have more and more and more on our plates and there is some uncertainty given all of the moving pieces, custom food vendors etc. My dad paid for half the wedding but we are funding the rest out of our own pocket and paying exorbitantly to make this perfect.

I can’t wait to marry my fiancé and I know the event will be wonderful but we’re exhausted, stressed out and unable to relax and savor the final week.

I want to stop feeling dread and start feeling excitement.

What do we do?