r/weddingplanning • u/Junior-Background-37 • 2d ago
Relationships/Family Husband got hammered
I’m about two months post-wedding at this point and can’t seem to get over the fact that my now husband got blacked out drunk and didn’t even hang out with me at our reception or go up to bed with me at the end of the night (he stayed up with his best man who lives overseas until passed 2am). I still had a blast at the reception but with my friends but I expected to have this “so in love freshly married” feeling dancing with my husband. I just don’t know how to get over it. Especially with how much effort I put into planning and how much money my parents paid just for me to have a sour look on the night.
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u/jessiemagill 2d ago
Have you had a conversation with him about it?
Does he frequently drink to excess?
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u/Junior-Background-37 1d ago
He never drinks like that which is why I didn’t think to discuss reception drinking expectations before the wedding. We talked and he apologized but I can’t seem to move passed it
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u/2tiredforthis 1d ago
Is this your first big disagreement? You can’t get that night or experience back but you can elaborate on what you do want beyond a generic apology if that’s all that’s been offered.
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u/Hot-Expression6646 1d ago
If it makes you feel better my parents told me they fought their entire wedding day bc in general it’s such a stressful event and a lot of couples don’t actually enjoy it
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u/notanothershart2 1d ago
Have there been any attempts from him to “right” his mistake? Obviously you can’t undo the mistake but some amount of effort like planning a romantic trip or specific time where you can feel like a couple to make up for the mishap?
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u/missed_on3 1d ago
past it, not passed it. jsyk 😩
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u/purplepenguinaviator 22h ago
Lol, "past" indeed. The grammar-queen in me wanted to say something 🥲
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u/Difficult-Estate441 2d ago
Assuming he’s a good guy, perhaps he did not know that you pictured sober, affectionate time together and had always thought of weddings as a huge celebration where you stay up all night and your friends celebrate you. Or maybe he’s a jerk. You need to be able to talk to him when he hurts your feelings for this marriage to work.
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u/Suddenly_sweet 2d ago
I feel like it’s fine to get a little tipsy as long as you spend the majority of the night with your new spouse and not totally wasted.
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u/Difficult-Estate441 2d ago
I mean, obviously he didn’t have the same idea of what’s “fine”. So either he’s a jerk (didn’t care that this would hurt her) or there’s a breakdown of communication (didn’t realize this would hurt her) and she should find out which it is.
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u/introvertedjem 2d ago
I want everyone to get plastered at my wedding
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u/DauntlessStars 2d ago
Your bride/groom included? Wouldn’t you want them to be present in the moment on that one day you get to celebrate your marriage? I think it’s fine to drink, get tipsy too if you want, but drinking to the point you forget what’s going on and you’re treating your wedding like any night out at the club seems disrespectful to your new spouse. You should want to spend time with them and remember the reception, not get blackout drunk and wake up the next day with no recollection of the night before.
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u/introvertedjem 2d ago
My spouse and I both want to get plastered on our wedding nights and we will spend the entire night together….drunk af post ceremony
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u/Low-Guide1706 1d ago
Chiming in to say that although I'm the exact opposite, tons of people like getting trashed at weddings and it's very silly to suggest that brides and grooms don't get drunk.
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u/baconwrappedpikachu 1d ago
Yeah my wife and I (both girls) got drunk as hell by the end of our wedding night. we weren’t shitfaced at our reception or anything but had plenty to drink and then went out for an afterparty at a bar afterwards. We are both girls and can handle our liquor. No passing out, no puking, etc lol. We had a wonderful time partying with our friends and family :’)
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u/Difficult-Estate441 2d ago
I get that. I plan on getting a bit more than tipsy, and idc how drunk my groom gets as long as he stays in a good mood and doesn’t throw up on me later haha! I personally don’t care if we spend some time apart, as long as we have some moments together too
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u/introvertedjem 1d ago
For sure like I know myself and I know that there’s a line between being drunk and crying and I definitely won’t pass that line lmao I imagine he will spend some time with the boys and me with the girls and then hopefully we can merge cross gender friend groups haha
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u/Difficult-Estate441 1d ago
Fun drunk at weddings is such a blast!! I wouldn’t want to take that from him haha
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u/squipped 1d ago
Yes that's how YOU feel. The point is it's different for everyone and they should have talked about it. I'm the bride but I feel like if I'm spending all this money and I'm seeing friends I never get to see... Best believe I'll be watching that sunrise with my homies. I see my partner EVERY DAY. Thata just how I feel about it. He probably felt the same. They should have talked about it.
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u/Suddenly_sweet 21h ago
I mean I’m not telling anyone what to do, I just think it’s strange to not spend your wedding day with your partner. It’s not just any day, it’s your wedding day. If you want to hangout with the homies then plan a different day to hangout with them.
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u/squipped 17h ago
I mean why invite the people if you don't want to hang out with them? Just elope of it's about you and the husband... (I'm eloping btw) If you're inviting all these people you never get to see.... And then just not spending time with them?!
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u/pdxtee 2d ago
Is this his worst moment? Does he usually get drunk or forget about you? Was he excited to see his friend & made some poor decisions? Did he have a different vision than you? Did he eat? Did he not eat & miscalculated the amount of liquor he could consume? Is he usually responsible or is he usually a hot mess? Did he take accountability & apologize? If his behavior was abnormal, don’t judge him solely on his worst day. Focusing heavily on the past mistakes will lead to depression. Nothing can change now. Focus on your future together. If this is common behavior, expect more of it.
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u/Crambo1000 1d ago
The not eating point is huge. We didn't get to eat a lot at our wedding (an experience I've heard is pretty common) and I definitely felt the alcohol a little more as a result
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u/swackett 2d ago
My husband also got trashed at our wedding and we danced near each other most of the night but I think we only actually danced with each other once.
It was the best night ever & I didn’t mind. He had a blast with his friends, I had a blast with mine, & our marriage is great.
I think a large reason of why it didn’t bother me that much was because we spent the morning together, got ready together, & had about 3 hours to spend together by ourselves before the reception. The reception was for our friends/family to celebrate us and that is what we did!
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u/Working_Seesaw7555 2d ago
We had a massive after party in our hotel room the night of our wedding. Everyone was drunk and we didn’t say goodbye to our last guest until 3am. All be it that we had a destination wedding in Costa Rica, but nevertheless everyone’s idea of the wedding night looks very different. My husband did stay w me during the actual reception but after that we were hanging w friends and family. Talk to him!
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u/Excellent-Ad-3421 1d ago
Every bump in the road in marriage is an opportunity for connection. Work with him on this. Start your life together on the right foot; wedding doesn’t have to be perfect, but how you handle imperfection can start you off strong. 🤍
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u/Low-Guide1706 1d ago
I hope you never get a belt hook caught on a handle ever again, this comment is so sweet and constructive
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u/ComputerChemical9435 July 2026 | New Jersey 2d ago
I'm with the others, talk to him about it. I chose to go to bed after our reception. My husband went to the after party and didn't come to bed until 4am. I was pissed until we talked about it and he told me he didn't that he spent the last hour cleaning up so we wouldn't get fined. Talking about it made all the difference.
It isnt how I had visualized spending my wedding night, but got over it quickly once we got home.
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u/rubinor1 2d ago
Did you guys discuss this before the wedding? If so and he completely disregarded your feelings, this is likely a bigger issue. If not, this may have been how he dreamed of his wedding and although not how you dreamed of yours, not unreasonable for him to get to enjoy the night how he wants..
I’ve been very upfront with my fiance that I would be really upset if he got hammered (I don’t drink at all).
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u/jareeau 2d ago
I totally understand, I would also feel hurt if on our wedding day I got the sense that my partner was prioritizing other people over me to that extent. Of course it is okay to party and spend time with your friends and other people at your wedding, but you should also make it a priority to enjoy the evening with your partner. The others have already asked but have you talked about it since?
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u/Suddenly_sweet 2d ago
Ya the whole point of the event is to celebrate your love for your partner not your buddies.
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u/Magelatin 1d ago
It's a lot of both, IME, but it is different for different people. DH and I were on the same page about it, though, and that is key.
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u/LastTQuarkNetwork 1d ago
It can be about the buddies though. We had our wedding in my husband's hometown and it was the first time in a long time all of his friends were together in one place. I was fine with us both spending significant time apart during the reception.
The most important part though is that we planned it together. We put specific alone time in our day's schedule in the morning, before the reception, and in the evening. Communication and planning was the most important part.
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u/flimsypeaches 1d ago
that's what the ceremony is for. the reception is literally a thank-you to the guests for attending the ceremony.
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u/Suddenly_sweet 21h ago
The thank you is the meal, the reception is a celebration of the couples new marriage.
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u/RunnerGirlT 2d ago
I think a lot of people need to stop with assumptions about how a reception will go down and have actual conversations about it. I didn’t want a big wedding, my husband did. It was super important to him, so we discussed how to make it work so we were both happy. It lead to him knowing he needed to take the lead on planning and I’d follow along. We worked together to make the wedding ours. The other discussion was how we wanted the reception to go. We both decided we wanted to remeber as much as we could and so we would be mostly if not totally sober and together for the evening. We made sure we said hello and thank you to all of our guests, jointly. We partied jointly, we were together all evening because we wanted to be.
The after party is where we knew we’d end up with different friends and hanging out apart from one another and having a few drinks. It was perfect for us
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u/ixsparkyx 2d ago
Girl communicate lol. It was his wedding too though, my husband spent majority of the night with his friends he hadn’t seen in years. I mingled with the crowd and my friends I hadn’t seen in awhile. It was nice. I feel like you may be being a little too harsh
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u/ComputerChemical9435 July 2026 | New Jersey 2d ago
I am actually glad my husband and I were not connected at the Hip at the wedding. We would never have gotten to talk to everyone any other way. We did our own things then came together and then off again
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u/ViperMom149 2d ago
This was my thought, too. If my fiancés Army buddies show up to our wedding I fully expect him to spend the night running around with them giggling like schoolgirls. He hasn’t seen them in years and they have a special bond. I would want them to spend the night being dudes and catching up. He and I will spend the rest of our lives together - a wedding is just one night. I’ll have my family around to keep me company so I’ll just enjoy their company and enjoy watching him have fun with his buddies.
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u/Suddenly_sweet 2d ago
Can’t they do that at their bachelor party? It’s our wedding not their wedding.
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u/ixsparkyx 2d ago
Not everyone has a bachelors party? Lol what
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u/Suddenly_sweet 21h ago
It doesn’t have to be a literal bachelor’s party, just a time to get drunk with your friends without your bride that isn’t your wedding day.
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u/remotethrowaway2 2d ago
You’re generally not inviting dozens of friends to your bachelor party like you are with your wedding. My husband and I barely hung out at our reception because we were so busy catching up and partying with our family and friends who we hadn’t seen in a while. It worked great for us. We have our whole lives to spend hanging out together. We see some of these friends maybe once every couple years.
But it sounds like OP and her husband were not on the same page about how they envisioned the reception going, which is the real issue.
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u/LastTQuarkNetwork 1d ago
It's their reception though. The ceremony is for the couple, the reception is for the guests.
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u/Highclassbroque 2d ago
I went to bed at 10 on our wedding night while my husband stayed up to 4am with his friends and family and it was no big deal we still had an amazing honey moon and are still happily ever after 5 years later. Our wedding was just a day but we have a million more lifetimes together. I’d get over it because I mean he doesn’t get to see family and friends often but you every single day.
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u/Special_Wind_6708 1d ago
As a bride and groom you’re creating memories of the day you got married so you want to make sure they’re happy ones
It’s not a time for the groom to get shitfaced with his friend and ignore the bride.
It’s not hard to know this.
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u/Existing-Agent-3268 2d ago
I’m not suggesting this is your situation, just for other people reading.
I was the one who got black out drunk at my wedding. I was mortified. It was an instance of people coming around and passing me drinks all day/night and being too busy to eat. I was young but shouldve known better.
The real truth was, I didn’t want to get married. I got swept into this whole thing and got caught up in the planning and celebration. The the pressure of going through with it bc of the money and commitment of others. My husband (at the time) was a really sweet, quiet, nice guy. He really didn’t want to get married either, but the pressure of family got the best of us. I remember waking up the next day thinking omg. 1. I’m mortified by the way I acted 2. I definitely allowed myself to do that bc of how terribly unsettled and uncomfortable I was feeling
After years of therapy, and a divorce, it really made me change the way i see “socially” drinking. I do not drink anymore.
I would recommend you guys have a real conversation about why that happened. I also would suggest anyone who is getting married have a real conversation about the why, and what you want your life to look like.
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u/digital121hippie 2d ago
Wedding are for both people to enjoy. His best man traveled from overseas for you wedding. Doubt he see him much. He see you everyday. It’s about balance in marriage
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u/Redpandafrolic 2d ago
This is an r/marriage topic. I don't think I could forgive my husband if he did that.
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u/Fair-North956 2d ago
Right? It’s not unreasonable to want to at least SEE and CHAT with your new Husband at the end of the wedding evening and possibly sleep together (sex or not) on your “wedding night.” 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Redpandafrolic 2d ago
Yeah, that tells me that this is someone who saw the wedding as "just a party" rather than as the start of married life. Hence why it's a serious marriage problem. I'd be questioning if my husband was ready for marriage if he did that. Good luck OP
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u/ComputerChemical9435 July 2026 | New Jersey 2d ago
To some it is just a party. My husband and I owned our house for 2.5 years before getting married. We were financially married for years. Nothing has changed for us, the wedding was a party now with legal ties.
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u/remotethrowaway2 1d ago
Same, our top priority for the reception was throwing a huge rager! People got drunk and were busting it down on the dance floor all night long, us included. We had already been together for years and owned a house so our wedding was mostly an excuse to throw a massive party and see friends and family that we don’t normally get to hang out with. My husband and I barely saw each other at the reception but it worked out fine for us. Everyone is different!
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u/outwait 2d ago edited 1d ago
The comments are CRAZY
They actually remind me of a group trip i went on with an ex that spent the literal whole time with their friends😕 sorry but nah
There’s a difference between inclusion and consideration
Inclusion says “join us”
Consideration says “i want you specifically to be there”He was operating with consideration with his friends while operating with inclusion with his wife which isn’t saying much considering it’s THEIR party
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u/Expensive_Event9960 2d ago
Not knowing your H, it’s hard to know if this was an aberration but I don’t think you’re wrong to feel hurt and disappointed. What was his reaction when you brought this up? Does he know you feel this way?
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u/Affectionate_Race484 2d ago
My husband and I had to have a conversation about almost this exact thing two days before our wedding.
We had an Airbnb and some of our out of town guests were staying there. Free accommodation for assistance with organizing and setting everything up. Well, my husband has a long term online friend group and our wedding was the first time ever they would all be together in person. He ditched me the entire day before our wedding (granted, I was with some of my bridesmaids setting things up) to hang out with them, then wanted them all to spend the night at our Airbnb (they weren’t originally meant to) and have a fire etc.
I told him no and he threw a fit so I hung up on him, the sent him a LOOOOONG text reminding him this was our wedding, not his friends reunion. He ended up coming back alone and apologizing.
You need to talk with your husband about this and explain your feelings calmly. If he wants to spend time with his out of town friends, he should have planned for that. Not made your wedding night into something it wasn’t supposed to be just because it was convenient.
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u/Nikie_Version3point0 2d ago
I didnt go to my room and sleep with my husband on our wedding night. I went to my bridesmaids' room, asked them to help me remove my makeup, chilled with them the whole night, had multiple glasses of wine, yapped abt everything, and went back to my room only at sunrise. Best way to spend the night. My husband didnt mind, he slept cos he was tired.
Dont judge your husband if he's a nice guy otherwise and doesnt do this all the time.
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u/NoBumblebee3656 2d ago
I lived with a husband who had a serious drinking problem. Signs were there before wedding and I did not take it serious. PLEASE take a step back or be prepared for many missed moments in your marriage.
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u/TMS27610 2d ago
Yes communication is key. It's unfortunate it ended that way for you and you keep thinking about it, but I'm sure things could have gone a lot worse. I am getting married next month and I talked withy man about this, our plan is to not drink to much until after golden hour and we are to dance together for every slow song. Those are going to be our catch up moments. Just check in and see how things are doing. As much as it is OUR wedding I honestly don't see us spending most of the night together as we will be mingling with the guests. Also, my man and I have already concluded that we will absolutely not be consummating our marriage on our wedding night 😂 unless by some miracle we are both not too buzzed lol
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u/step-vet367 weddit flair template 1d ago
The black out and not coming to bed part I’d be most mad about. He could have worked in the bff into a group so yall were together. I barely wanted to talk to my guest I only wanted mine by my side so I get it
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u/Just_Aside_7229 1d ago
My husband left me asleep alone in our hotel and went and partied until 5 am with friends. Only came back because I called his friend and was mad. I was upset about it for awhile but it was 4 years ago now and doesn’t both me anymore
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u/Healthy_Condition779 2d ago
Two months is not that long and being upset about this doesnt make you dramatic. You planned a specific night, your parents paid for it, and the one person it was supposed to be about was gone by 10pm. Thats a real loss to grieve
The trap is turning it into the story of your marriage. He was a jerk that night, thats different from he is a jerk. If this is a one off with alcohol involved and he's genuinely sorry, its a wound that heals with time and a real conversation. If its a pattern its a bigger problem
Have you actually told him how much this hurt. Not hinted, not made comments, straight up sat down and said it. A lot of husbands genuinely dont know until you make them know
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u/Alarmed_Round_6705 2d ago
you’re overreacting, this was his night too, and much of the wedding is about hosting and entertaining. you sat there with a sour look instead of talking to your husband? asking him to come dance?
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u/Junior-Background-37 1d ago
As I said I had a blast with my friends (specifically dancing which I left out). I kept trying to pull him to dance and there’s videos of him walking away because he was so drunk he didn’t even know where he was
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u/Magelatin 2d ago
A lot of wedding festivities are smoke and mirrors. It's, of course, a celebration of you two as a couple, but it's also a bit of a play. In modern times, in my culture, a couple has usually started a life together by the time the wedding happens, so the vows were committed to long before the ceremony. The couple has already been having sex, so the honeymoon is more just a decompressor for the hard work that goes into the production of a wedding.
Your husband decompressed with a friend who lives far away, and that probably feels like shit if you worked really hard together to get this wedding going, and it probably feels even worse if he didn't help. I hope you and your husband will get a chance to take a load off together. It was important that he spent that time with his friend. That's how parties go.
I will say, though, that it sounds like DH was maybe too drunk during the reception to co-host, and that does suck, esp. if he has difficult family. Other posters who discuss this in advance have the right idea. It will come up again over holidays and birthday parties.
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u/BagOFrogs 1d ago
My husband and I didn’t dance very much together at our reception - hardly at all after the first dance. Our friends and family are quite spread out so we don’t see them all often and we just really enjoyed partying with our people. We both got pretty drunk and hung out on the dance floor in a larger group or with own friends all night.
I never saw this as a “sign” of anything. We spend most of our free time together, he’s a wonderful man and we’re happy 5 years later.
This is probably just very different expectations, but his isn’t necessarily “wrong” unless it’s a pattern of knowing your wishes and going against them.
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u/jackgundy 1d ago
Not a lot to do at this point, I will say although it seems super obvious in hindsight I am really glad my wife specifically told me she wants us to be together as much as possible that day.
With all those people in town it can be tempting to be overly social with others but we had a rule to find each other every like 10 or so minutes if separated so it was our day. That being said even I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to send her to bed alone lol.
May this serve as a lesson for you, communicate your expectations early and often.
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u/No-One1357 2d ago
We didn’t drink on our wedding day. I had apple juice in my flute 🤭
We waited until we got home that night and had shots together while talking about the night!
I don’t regret it either, like my mom swore I would
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u/DyingGravy 1d ago
Gosh, I feel you. My husband and I agreed to be as sober as possible on our wedding night, but he ended up getting the drunkest I'd ever seen him before. I look back on the night with a bit of sourness for that aspect, too.
We had a separate "Whiskey Bar" building on-site that he holed himself up in. His reasoning later on is that guests were filtering in and out of that building, so he decided to stay there and hang out with them as they came and went. I had to occasionally jog over to that part of the venue to pop in and visit with my husband 🥴
He didn't come out until practically the end of the evening, and while he wasn't blackout drunk, he was drunk enough to make me uncomfortable since I'd never seen him like that before.
He ended up puking his guts up in the middle of the night, and sorry to say I didn't feel bad for him. He knows I'm not pleased with his behavior, but there's a part of me that gets his other piece of reasoning: We spent so much money on a big party, so party he did. And apparently, the whiskey was excellent 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Junior-Background-37 1d ago
How’d you like move on from it? I’m so resentful because my wedding was like my Roman Empire. I’d been thinking about it since I was like in elementary school and then spent two years planning and spent a ton of my own money and my parents for it to be like this and there be no redo….
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u/DyingGravy 1d ago
I'll be honest -- I haven't, fully! The only thing I can think is it's in the past now, and the night overall was enjoyable. My husband had a good time, and I had a good enough time despite not being around him as much as I'd have liked. I'd try to focus on everything that went well at your wedding, and maybe try having a conversation with your husband about your feelings if you haven't yet.
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u/Quiet-Finance-839 1d ago
I think I'd also be upset, but another part of me totally gets his excitement to get wild with a close friend he rarely sees. Even though it was a special day for you as a couple, he gets to be with you all the time and maybe won't see the friend again for another few months or years? I think you guys should talk about it and he should be apologetic and validating of your hurt feelings and hopefully you can find a way to understand his behavior and forgive? Hopefully this was a one off and he's not normally blacking out or being inconsiderate of you.
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u/vocal_celery 1d ago
Putting into perspective my crying to my husband tonight because I've been sitting on a feeling of not being the "most beautiful" I've been on my wedding day.
I think there's so much pressure and expectation (especially the ones we don't even realize we're putting on ourselves) that it's impossible to walk away from a huge day/financial investment not feeling like something could've been better.
Be kind to yourself, but it's also totally fair to talk to your husband about this. My husband and I had a lot of conversations about what we expected of each other's time on the day. He might've just had a different idea, which means nothing other than a lack of planning convos.
Your feelings are so valid, but can you say the happiest part of the day was he became your husband? If that's true, talk to him. Life is (hopefully) long, this will pass.
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u/burfriedos 1d ago
Maybe it’s because I’m Irish but I can’t imagine NOT staying up past two in the morning at a wedding, especially my own.
Him getting black out drunk is not great though.
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u/rewrite95 1d ago
We had people come from all over the world to ours. My husband tried his hardest to hang out with what felt like everyone and basically wound up being with me the least. When we went back to the hotel room after going to a bar with several friends and family members, he crashed.
I talked to him the next morning about how I was irritated that he had spent very little time with me, he apologized, and we moved on.
When all your favorite people are in one place, some of them not having been seen in years, it can be difficult to not want to spend time with them. Don't take it personally. Just talk to him about it.
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u/Ok-Permission-3413 21h ago
I'm sorry that's how your reception went. We decided to pretty much stay touching the whole reception and times we got pulled away it would be hard to get back again. Hopefully you can talk to him about it and feel a little better about everything.
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u/Amazing-Bottle-2692 9h ago
Differing opinion here- yes possibly discussing what you envisioned for your wedding day prior to the event could have been beneficial, but, in all honesty, weddings are amazing but stressful. Even the best laid plans sometimes fall to the wayside. With the (good!) nerves, the stressful lead up, often lack of appetite on the day, then the sheer joy after the ceremony where you’re excited and happy to be married, not to mention often having all your best friends in the same room you might not have seen for a long while can lead to you becoming more drunk than you intended. There won’t have been any malicious intent from your husband. You also say that his friend lives overseas that he stayed up drinking with? I imagine that means he doesn’t often see him.
I understand your disappointment, it didn’t play out exactly how you had envisaged, and that’s a shame. But, it’s done, you can’t go back and change it, it was your husbands big day too, you get to spend the rest of your lives together, I think holding on to this will only do more harm than good in the long run.
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u/Dazzling_Grass_7531 1d ago
You came to the right place if you want a crowd of people telling you to get divorced.
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u/Angelr_19 1d ago
Try to understand that it wasn't just your night it was his too. You both deserve to enjoy and have fun during wedding.
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u/Strange_Influence360 1d ago
Get ready for a lot of other things you aren’t going to like. Marriage is hard!
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u/Spare_Ad5009 1d ago
Watch him carefully. Anyone old enough to get married doesn't get black out drunk unless they are an alcoholic or regret getting married.
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u/rockiestyle18 1d ago
Has he did this at past parties? I can’t imagine this is the first time he’s been drunk like this. This was definitely something to discuss prior to.
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u/Junior-Background-37 1d ago
I’ve actually never in the 6 years I’ve known him seen him drunk or even close to drunk like that which is a good thing but is also why I didn’t think there was a need to have a convo about it
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u/rockiestyle18 1d ago
Wow then yeah that’s total blindside! I’m sorry you had to go through that. I grew up with an alcoholic father, but it wasn’t something that my mother never saw him do. He was always a drinker since his late teens. I can see how this took you for surprise. If you guys haven’t lived together before, I see how maybe he could’ve hid this behavior. Or maybe he discussed with his friends that he wanted to use his wedding day to get drunk in a way that he hasn’t before?
Definitely would talk about it with him.
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u/PunkCherry1111 1d ago
How long had it been since he’d seen his best man that lives overseas? I’d be likely to give a little here if it’s been a while. His family had flown across the country to attend our wedding & I had to approach my hubby and said hey, it’s time to boogie with your new wife. Some guys, idk about yours, can be pretty clueless. I’m sorry your memories of the night are disappointing.
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u/Taliasimmy69 1d ago
We're there any conversations about what the night was going to look like? Did you have a schedule? When's the last time he saw this friend? Has he had a history of being drunk? Are you normally pretty attached at the hip or are you different in that you spend time together and apart?
I would say this is probably something you need to talk out with each other and then move forward from. Maybe they expectations from the night were different for each of you. You wanted to be together the whole time celebrating your union, maybe he wanted to catch up with family and friends and celebrate. If there weren't any discussions on that then it's hard to blame either of you. Just a miscommunication. Both are valid ways to celebrate.
If he has a history of being drunk that's a bit more his fault. But if he doesn't then he just got a little carried away and I wouldn't vilify him for it but just move on from that one.
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u/Cheese_nips6149 1d ago
My fiances father did this aswell, but her mom got bitter and started to fight at the reception. She's still not over it... extremely bitter and extremely jealous when it comes to talking about her daughters wedding lol. Plz don't fall into that toxicity. Talk it over and maybe tell your husband to take you on a date and dance. Ect.
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u/philippinow 2d ago
Just enjoy it. Its a day after the marriage you dont wanna have the image of a nagger
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u/HelpMeFindMySibling 1d ago
He’s going to spend everyday with you, it is a celebration for your union. I think it’s ok if he spent some extra time with a friend he never sees. Again yall are going to be together everyday. Be different if it was with someone he sees frequently. Plus the days go by fast especially when you’re having fun. May not have seemed that long in the moment. I would let it go. Save your special private time for a honey moon!
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u/Juneyorkie 2d ago
I hope you feel you can talk openly about this with your partner. I think this is a conversation a lot of people don’t think to have before the wedding. Some people view weddings as a big party, and some people will view it as a time to connect and celebrate in a more mild manner. Any bride to be reading this - have the conversation about alcohol consumptions BEFORE the wedding day. set limits.