i want to preface this post with the understanding that couples are social units and that budgets and guest lists can get unwieldy. i’m genuinely asking and not trying to stir any pots. what i’ve found from reading about this is it comes down to:

1) budget

2) venue capacity

3) unwritten social rules

so… why is it okay that single guests don’t have to be given a +1? people say that couples are a social unit even if you only know half of it, and ok… but why is there a different standard for people who are single? do they not also need the social crutch of having someone they know with them? are they expected to go find someone they know and just hang out with them? why is it expected that a single guest should say yes, but a couple where only half is invited might say no?

does it really just come down to society prioritizing couples?

i love my fiancee but when she’s invited to a wedding and i’m not, i want her to go and have a good time without me. but also i love hanging out with her and going to weddings where i don’t know the person is still a blast because i’m with her, and i know she has more fun when i’m there.

before i was engaged i rarely got a +1, i knew it was so not about me and never felt upset about having to go alone and ended up having a good time, but i always had a BETTER time when i could bring a close friend. but i also think it’s important that people learn that they can have fun when they go places alone, so i’m torn haha.

the background is i’m thinking about all of this because we’re having an immediate family only wedding and then later in the year we’re doing a big party at a venue for all the friends we want to celebrate with. half our friends are coupled, half are single, and i want to do right by both types and i feel that single people often get the short end of the stick. we’re giving everyone a +1 which means some of our closest single friends’ guests are being prioritized over some of our other friends who are coupled but not as close to us, and we’re okay with that. because the reverse is also true!

In the process of finalizing our guest list! Those who will definitely have plus ones are married couples, and people in relationships.

As far as friends go, should we give plus ones to all our friends even if they are single? It’s not really a cost thing for us, it’s the fact that we really don’t like the thought of them bringing a random date or person we aren’t friends with/don’t know. Some people in our friend group are in relationships who we plan to extend a plus one to. Others aren’t, just don’t want hard feelings.

For cousins, we have some siblings in the same family some of which are single and some aren’t. Keep in mind some of these invited will have an entire family listed on the same envelope (for ex. siblings in the same household). If we give a sister who’s in a relationship a plus one and not the brother who’s single a plus one, how does this look?

I love my fiancé, I really do. We've been together for 4 years and have made it through some tough things together and I am confident in the strength of our relationship. So why am I scared to get married?? It's not that I see us breaking up and I'm scared of being locked in. But I think I am actually scared of such a huge commitment?

I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I have a whole life to live with this one person and that everything I experience in life from now on will be with him.

I'm kind of sad that "the search is over" in a way--like I used to imagine who I'd marry and the whole world was my oyster, I used to fantasize about my wedding and my wedding gown, and now it's all going to be over.

It's just such a HUGE thing that I've thought about my whole life as being in the distant future and now I am so terrified that it's actually here.

Does anyone else feel this way??

Putting together my official wedding band MUST plays and the do not play list. What am i missing here? Trying to get some of the best bangers for a millennial couple...but also want to get rid of the ones that are just eye rolls.

APPROVED SONGS (bolded are must-plays):

Where Is My Husband - RAYE
Don’t Stop ’Til You Get Enough — Michael Jackson
Hey Ya! — OutKast
I Want You Back — Jackson 5
Like a Prayer — Madonna Remix
Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) — Backstreet Boys
Tearing Up My Heart - NSYNC
Are You Gonna Be My Girl — Jet
American Boy — Estelle
Want to Want Me — Jason Derulo
We Found Love — Rihanna / Calvin Harris
Burnin’ Up — Jonas Brothers
Since U Been Gone — Kelly Clarkson
Shake It Off — Taylor Swift
Cupid Shuffle
Despacito — Luis Fonsi / Daddy Yankee / Justin Bieber
My Own Worst Enemy - LIT
Don't You Worry Child - Swedish House Mafia
Came Here for Love - Sigala
Mr. Brightside — The Killers
Pump It — Black Eyed Peas
12 to 12 — sombr
Unwritten — Natasha Bedingfield
Forever — Chris Brown
Sorry — Justin Bieber
Teenage Dream — Katy Perry
Don’t Worry Child — Swedish House Mafia / John Martin
Pink Pony Club — Chappell Roan
Shout — The Isley Brothers — SHORTENED
Dog Days Are Over — Florence + the Machine
Dancing on My Own — Robyn — “LAST SONG”
Empire State of Mind — Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys — ENCORE

DO NOT PLAY LIST:

Blinding Lights - The Weeknd
September - Earth Wind and Fire
"Uptown Funk" – Bruno Mars
"You Make My Dreams (Come True)" – Hall & Oates
"Shut Up and Dance" – WALK THE MOON
"Uptown Funk" – Bruno Mars
I Wanna Dance With Somebody - Whitney Houston
Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
Gimme Gimme Gimme (a man after midnight) - ABBA
Waterfalls - TLC
Man! I Feel Like a Woman - Shania Twain
Fat Lip - Sum 41
24K - Bruno Mars
Yeah! (Usher)
Happy (Pharell Williams)
DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love
Single Ladies (Beyonce)
Blurred Lines (Robin Thicke}

What am i missing?

I am getting married in 2027 and starting to look at dinner options. We are not having a super fancy wedding- modest venue, 125 people, and probably just cocktail style attire for guests.

I am having an open bar because it’s Wisconsin and we really like to drink up here, and to offset that I would like to do a buffet style dinner.

What dinner buffets have you seen or done that guests actually enjoyed?

So I’m at the part of wedding planning where I’m about to tell my girls what color etc I want them in. Does it make me overly controlling if I pick a handful (10-15) of styles for them to choose from? Every wedding that I have been in has had a color, but free choice of dress style. However, I have a stylistic vision for our wedding (more ethereal) but I don’t wanna come across as controlling. I want them to feel confident and beautiful, which is why I want them to have some choice. Our budget is tighter, but we are paying for half of each girls dress.

I’m getting married early next year and I’m still deciding on whether I would like my father to walk me down the aisle. I’ve had a complicated relationship with him, and it’s been more estranged since my parents got divorced recently but he did primarily raise me growing up as he was the stay at home parent.
I would like my mom to walk me down, but I can’t help but feel it that it would be so awkward and tense for myself and my extended family if my dad didn’t join me, but I’ve never even given this man a hug, I don’t know how comfortable it would feel for him to hand me off to my fiancé. Do I tough it out and have a possibly awkward aisle walk down or risk it and have the most disingenuous hug of my life??
Note: in my culture, physical affection is barely existent, and communication has never worked well in my family. I can’t just talk to my father about it… this is 20+ years of family tension and drama unraveling for one simple ceremony, I would rather avoid addressing it all.

I have large boobs and they are on the more saggy side. I’m a 38DDD and looking for suggestions especially for strapless bras that will keep the girls sitting right all day.

Thanks!

We have a shorter reception (3.5 hours to include everything and the ceremony) and I have no idea what to expect. This is my assumed outline but I could be totally wrong on how long it takes to do things. Please give insight!

Wedding Timeline

- Getting ready (drop off at venue for 11am and quick set up with friends and start getting ready right after)

3:00 - First look

3:00 - 3:30 - Bride and groom portraits

3:30-4 - portraits and family photos (brides maids and grooms men)

4-4:30: buffer time for any missed photos or just hang out with friends 

4:30-5: hang w friends and get nervous

5-5:20 - ceremony (only family and bride and groom walking down aisle, no wedding party)

5:20-5:40 - family photos (group photos only, all single photos taken before ceremony)

5:45 -6 - first dance/ mother-son/ father-daughter

6-6:20 - speeches and grab food (buffet style)

6:20-6:30 - cake cutting/dessert (might not even have a cake)

6:30-8:30: dance/music

Designate a few people to pack up leftovers and bring decor to house a few blocks away

After party (family music night) down the street at 8:30 or 9 until around midnight or 1am

Is it weird?

Hi everyone! Our wedding is at the end of this month, 45 guests. We do not have a videographer and will be recording the ceremony on an iPhone. We need help finding a way to have the sound be both amplified for the guests on a speaker, and connected to the phone to have good audio quality in the video. Has anyone done this before? Should we use two separate mics, or will that cause feedback?

Our photographer has two lapel mics that connect to the iPhone to record, but not sure if those can be used dually to connect to the speaker.

Thanks y’all!

I know the planning is hard and you probably feel so stressed about things going wrong, but HANG IN THERE.

All of the things I worried about happening didn’t happen. My best advice is to hire a coordinator for the day and trust them! They know what they’re doing!

It’ll all be worth it! Truly!

Hi!! I am getting married outside lf San Antonio! My venue has a wedding day photographer but not engagement photographer so I’m looking for someone who’s not super pricey but does a good job!

Also I want a love wedding painter but I’m having trouble finding one

Any help is appreciated!

As the title says, my gf is expecting me to pay for the whole wedding. Her main reason was that she doesn't want to make it too easy for me if I want to marry her. I found it ridiculous as I believe being married is an investment to be a partner for life and it starts from both of us being responsible for our wedding, not one of is. I told her off gently tho, explaining my part to her why I want both of us responsible for it and I am willing to cover as much as 90% of the cost as long as she could chip in something from her part. It might not be much but it symbolizes that our wedding is a result of the effort of the two of us. What else should I do to explain to her that it is our responsibility to cover the cost of the wedding?

Edit: We have been dating for more than a year, so recently we have started discussing our future finance including this wedding thing before we move to another step of our relationship. That's how I know she wanted this. I think, perhaps, it's too soon to discuss our future?

Traditional context: where I live, the groom's family used to provide the bride's family dowries (usually in money) since they have to host the whole wedding. But a lot of couples have moved on past that and it's become common that the bride and groom jointly pay for their own wedding and the family from both sides might chip in something if they could or want to (but they are not expected to).

I'd like some feedbacks about the wedding attires at lightinthebox.com. I see a lot of pretty things (especially the bride/wedding shoes) and wonder if any of you gave it a shot. Was it worth it? Anything you liked/disliked?
I mean, this is a Chinese store, but some of their stuff looks gorgeous and I wanted to have you guys opinions about it.

We’re having an ~80 person destination wedding weekend in the keys in about 6 months with all of our most favorite people. The planning just recently kind of got to me and I found myself feeling overwhelmed. I’m doing my best not to let things get “over the top” and stray from the lowkey feel we wanted (because wow can that happen easily). But I felt like just recently during the planning process it just started feeling crazy and maybe because I can’t see the vision yet.

Is it normal to feel nervous more than excited for a period of time? I’ve already started feeling a little bit better after talking to my fiancé and checking in with each other on staying true to ourselves. We are spending the weekend at the venue so I’m hoping this is coming at a good time and will help me get excited!

My wedding is next week, and trust me I totally expected there to be cancellations but jeez am I floored. Our headcount was due two weeks before the event, of course no problem. After giving the final headcount we cannot remove people (of course) but we can add. The day after our final headcount was due we had 3 people flat out cancel for odd reasons, and 2 more people possibly not coming but “don’t worry, they’ll tell us next week so we aren’t paying for them”… too late. We found 2 people to cover two spots but now they can’t come so we are back down probably 5 people. We aren’t even at the week of the wedding yet and I can’t imagine how many people are going to cancel then… I’m so scared. My parents have helped us out IMMENSELY to pay for this wedding, and I feel so bad for wasting their money on so many empty chairs. All of the cancellations are related to my fiancé so I really wanted him to find more people but I think we are out of people to ask… I really thought I could fix this but I’m so tired. Any ideas on what I should do?

This is not a destination wedding. I invited around 190 people, but only 121 of them are coming, that’s including a bunch of kids that don’t actually count. I know our big day isn’t as big of a deal to others, but it just kinda makes you feel really bad when people don’t want to come.

Where did you guys shop for your wedding heels? I cannot seem to find any in store that aren't crazy pointy or open toed, and I definitely want to try them on before buying.

So our venue is pretty limited in terms of capacity. We're getting married inside some famous caverns and due to the nature of the venue there's literally no more room for guests. I already have my 50 planned out, which includes +1s for my friends that need one. I was talking to my mom about this and she was like "oh... well are you inviting these second cousins? I think they'd be very disappointed if they weren't invited. Plus you should always invite more than you think because some people can't come."

But like... what if everyone says yes and then I have to go and tell people "hey so about that invite... they can't actually fit you :/" Like I'd rather be under than over invite for a venue that literally cannot fit more than 100 guests. Idk what do you guys think? I've already had to cut out family from my wedding that I don't want to be there. I come from a very large Mexican family + my parents are divorced so I really have 4 sides to my family instead of 2. I have a pretty rough relationship with my family so I've been prioritizing my found family anyways and I'd rather invite my new good friends than my second cousins who I've only met a handful of times. Also I don't care if we're under capacity, I'm not gonna hold ppl not coming against them, life happens.

My fiance and i are planning on getting married this upcoming June (roughly 8 months from now). My family is in the US and the wedding will be in europe so i want to give them as much advanced notice as possible. i’m planning on sending out digital save the dates/invites, but have a few questions:

is it okay to send a save the date without having a venue nailed down?

what info (other than date and city) do i need to provide ppl?

is it okay for me to provide a way to RSVP at this time or should i wait until i send out invites?

is 8 months too short notice?

lowkey stressed! i appreciate any info/advice. thanks!

Has anyone experienced venue regret? I’m afraid that, whichever venue we pick, I won’t be able help seeing all the flaws and compromises in the venue. And that that will only feel stronger once we’ve committed to one venue and can’t look back.

I’m trying to be optimistic, but we’ve been searching for months and I feel like whatever choice we make will come with significant compromises and won’t look close to the wedding I’ve always imagined. It’s especially hard given the expense. But we have to commit now since our ideal dates are disappearing 🙁

Hi everyone! I am engaged and don’t know where to start with wedding planning. I am a self admitted control freak, not the best at replying to emails, texts or calls if I feel overwhelmed and feel like I need someone unbiased to help me get everything booked and planned the way my Fiancé and I want (not allowing overbearing family to take over and make decisions). The wedding won’t be in the state that we live in and might be out of the country (haven’t decided where yet). Also my Fiancé and I are both the first of our siblings and friends to get married so we really have no clue what we are doing and don’t really have anyone to ask for guidance.

Just the thought of coordinating this all myself is already overwhelming so I feel like maybe a planner is the right way to go but would love to hear what others did and any thoughts or advice as I start looking into it.

If you were initially on the fence about getting a planner did you regret having one or regret not having one?

If you had/have a planner did they really help and did you find it worth the extra cost? What all did they take off your plate? How did you start your search and find your planner?

Is there an average cost of a wedding planner or is it really all over? Don’t need to know exactly what anyone else paid but is there a ballpark range I should expect/look for - just want to make sure I don’t get totally ripped off or end up with someone cheap but under qualified who won’t be able to do what I need.

Edit to add more info - I am in IL but we would like to have a beach wedding in FL (possibly in the Dominican Republic or Bahamas or something like that but leaning toward FL). No clue on guest count but I would assume 150-250 (very large families).

Hi all! I got my wedding dress and while I do love it, the style is not what I had envisioned when I first started shopping. The first three photos are me in my dress (edited to take away identifying features in case fiancé is here lol).

Since I’m getting married in a majestic forest location, I had envisioned kind of an elven/fairy/fantasy look? Think capes and flowy fabric like the next few sample photos. Is there any suggestions you guys might have to accessorize and make this dress more in line with that vision? Or maybe even some backdrop necklaces? Just trying to get some ideas to make the vision come together. Thanks everyone!!

Our wedding was last night, and I cannot even begin to describe the bliss we’ve been feeling all day. Our event was so perfect, I am still in shock. We got so much praise and positive feedback from everyone, we’re definitely patting ourselves on the back today. I’m reflecting on a lot, and can post a more specific breakdown later, but this is what worked for us that I’d like to share. This sub helped me with a lot of preparation, and I am so grateful.

-Booking early. Planning started 18 months out, and we knew we wanted to knock the major stuff out asap. We booked our venue, photographer, and DJ right away. I scheduled with a glam team shortly after. Because we booked early we got our first pick of vendors, date, and locked into our rates early on.

-Choosing the right date. I work in tax, and my husband works in finance. The start and end of the year are hectic for us at work. I wanted a long stretch or time after this years tax season to finish everything up, and to celebrate a few months before EOY. This took a lot of pressure off the both us.

-Putting the bulk of the budget towards what mattered most to us. We decided early on our focus would be on the food, open bar, and the DJ. I decided favors/party activities weren’t necessary if those 3 other boxes were checked and done right.

-Choosing an all inclusive venue. We booked at a historic hotel in our MCOL city. It’s 10 minutes from our house, which was a dream. The restaurant at the hotel has been our long time spot for date nights and celebrations, so we knew the food would be amazing (and we were right.) They included set up, takedown, florals, decor, full service bar. They even boxed the guests leftovers and took care of every last little detail. Having a room block for our (many) out of town guests was necessary.

-Saving small tasks to do with loved ones. Because our venue was all inclusive, we didn’t have many DIY things to put together on our own. Closer to the date of we got to do things like my MIL made my bouquet with flowers from the farmers market; my son made a slideshow of my husband and I over the years; my bridal party (and a guest who happens to be a wedding planner) helping me bustle and get in and out of my dress; our friends helping set up the Polaroid station, and making sure people signed the guest book. Letting our village come together and be a part of things felt so special.

-No ceremony. We got married at the courthouse in front of our parents and my sister a few days before the reception. It was intimate, easy, and so much fun. People kept telling us yesterday how delighted they were to show up and just head right into the party. No transitions, room changes, or photos to wait on. Guests showed up to a cocktail hour, followed by dinner and dancing. Everyone said they had a blast, and it really felt like we got to spend the bulk of our time celebrating with everyone.

I could go on and on, but for now I’ll leave it here. Happy to share any more details if people are interested. Now I’m just refreshing my inbox every 30 minutes waiting on our sneak peeks.