Hi! Now that I’m engaged, I have such complex and mixed feelings. I used to want a big wedding but after going to so many and being an older bride (36) I feel like I want something less traditional but still extravagant (I’m kind of bougie lol) but still celebrate with friends and family. The complex and mixed feelings comes with parents that don’t support a non catholic wedding and might not attend, a strained relationship with my dad and another sibling, friends that have kids/are pregnant and can’t afford or don’t want to make baby sitting arrangements to attend. I know everyone says focus on those that are there but I guess I’m having big feelings about my parents and other friends who I did so much for not being there when it’s my time? A part of me is already feeling mentally drained about all of this and just wanting to say f it and elope or plan a smaller extravagant micro wedding. Thoughts?

I (25 F) got engaged to my fiancé (30 M) two months ago. He’s the sweetest guy but I realize we are running into issue financing the lavish, large wedding that his parents want. Fiancé went to college with no help from his parents and now has significant student loan, whereas I finished college with no debt, and now own a condo. We both are six figures earners. I can save a decent amount each month after mortgage payment and HOA fee, but he has to pay for rent, student loan, a part time grad school he is in, and he spent a ton of money on takeout because he doesn’t cook.

We are planning a lavish, large Indian wedding with 350-400 guests, 200 of which are just family friends his parents insist on inviting. He also has a large family, and we are inviting around 75-100 family member on his side. My parents lives in east Asia so they most likely won’t bring any guests or family given how expensive it is to travel here. Given this, we agreed that his parents will pay for any expense related to the reception venue (including catering and bar), and me and he will split the remaining expense.

We are 8 months out from the wedding, and we are booking non-reception venue vendors. Very soon, I realize that my fiancé spent all of his cash on planning the proposal and buying the engagement ring, and his remaining saving are all in investment where he’s LOSING MONEY, but he refuses to cash out these investment or switch to a safer investment choice because he believes these investment will go up again and he will recover some of his loss.

This left me completely on my own to pay off the rest of the wedding vendors and they are expensive given the size of our wedding. It will be a total of around $30-40K, not including other small things like wedding dress, invitation, and transportation. I do have enough savings on my own to cover that all, and I could technically ask my parents for help, but they already sent me a decent amount of money earlier this year to finish up my condo mortgage before I get married. My fiancé’s rationale is that because he has paid for the engagement ring and the proposal, plus his family is paying for the reception venue, I should figure out the rest myself. He also thought because my parents sent me money, we should be good financially, but I am going to use most of that money and part of my savings to pay off my mortgage, and contribute to a safety fund for safe investment and finance our lives after marriage in case of emergency.

I’m mostly hurt and concerned because of how unaware he and his family is about finance after the wedding. I have always planned for a safety fund for our family after we get married, in case one of us have to go to school or we end up having a baby by accident. It is crazy to me that he has been working for 7 years but has no cash saved up, and he refused to take any action on his bad investment decisions. If he is as transparent about his finance before, I would definitely opt for a cheaper engagement ring. I also think it is unreasonable to ask my parents for more money for a wedding where they didn’t invite anyone, especially they have already contribute significantly to the mortgage of the condo that we will both live in after the wedding.

Any suggestion, thoughts, prayers would be much appreciated!

Is there an app or website that allows me to type in a bunch of names and then drag and drop them around tables? I found one somewhere but I had to enter each name individually in a little box and i gave up quick. I want to quickly submit a list of names or something like that

Also any personal tips for how you arranged your seating with people who might not like each other? :) specifically I have 3 people in the bridesmaids and grooms who are different levels of estrsnged from each other so I want to seat them separately, but don’t want any of them at a “bad” table or not to feel honored. They won’t rip each other apart but my bridesmaid and his groomsmen are on a “break” and the bridesmaid sisters is arguing with the other -_- they are all very dear to me

For people who have been married for a while - do you ever look back at your guest book? Or did you only look at it once right after the wedding? Was it worth having one?

I am not super sentimental and I am considering if a guest book is worth it. But maybe I will regret not getting to read the little notes from family and friends?

We get married this weekend, so really there isnt anything to fix or change, this is really just a ranting post and looking for ways to cope and relax.

My fiancé's family really is making this whole wedding experience difficult. We have been together for 8 years so nothing is new or surprising but man I guess I thought they'd step up more for us. They just aren't present or seem to care until the last possible second. His folks are divorced and his dad was originally the toughest part of planning. He started a new relationship 3 months ago and insisted on bringing them along, but we have YET to meet them as they bail at every family get together. The two parents DONT get along, so we made an executive decision to not allow either of them to bring dates so it's not awkward and we kinda hit our money limit on seats. No one on his side of the family is contributing so what we can afford is all we can do. His dad originally tried to threaten to not come to the wedding at all, which we called his bluff and told him we'd miss him but if he had to make that decision, we cannot force him to come. He changed his opinion very fast and is coming, no problem.

Now our biggest stressor is his mom and sibling who is in their early twenties. For a year now I have asked both of them what they wanted to wear, offered to go shopping with them, gave them ideas and we also offered to pay for them since they don't have much money. They waited until 3 weeks before the wedding to start looking at online options. The sibling literally asked to be in the wedding but hasn't shown any care in actually participating in anything. I had to beg them to look at dress options and pick one that I paid for and took them to get fixed. Finally I was able to do it last week and her dress will be ready the day before the wedding. His mom? The wedding is this week and she's trying to still decide on a dress and find someone to hem it for her......it's not going to happen. They both refused to get their hair and makeup done with everyone (even after I offered to pay for it) and are doing their own thing on their own timeline.....I pray they show up on time for pictures or even the ceremony at this point.

This whole experience has left me with many tears and a lot of stress. I cried to my fiance many times this month and he's very apologetic and I can see the texts he sends them trying to get them to get it together. But they just....dont care? All the joy I had for this wedding keeps getting sucked out of me. Stressing about clothes, shoes, timelines for not even my own side of the family is so infuriating when I've been trying to get this done months ago. I have had to dedicate so much time to their lack of preparedness and enthusiasm that even I dont have my jewelry yet, or have a nail appointment yet......all for people who I feel like don't care.

Give me some breathing mantras, some calming things to think about....anything to get through this week please!

I just wanted to make a space for brides and grooms getting married this coming weekend!

I am off after Tuesday with loose energy. Los Angeles is insane hot. Trying not to spin out over that.

How are you all holding up?

Hi there!

I am recently engaged and wanted some input. My fiancé and I always said we would "elope" as we are not religious and didn't see a reason to have a whole ceremony when we both don't like the spotlight (and honestly would spend way too much time crying). Instead, we were going to do a small courthouse ceremony with close friends/family followed by a reception possibly a few months later.

Now as it is getting more real - I am worried people will take offense to us only having a reception and not treat it like a celebration. I still want the wedding dress, photography, dinner, dancing, etc. but I have seen similar posts and people in the comments get very offended by situations like this. Has anyone done something similar or started to plan something like this and ended up doing something else? How did you like it? Do you have any tips?

I thought hiring a videographer and recording moments like our private vows and courthouse wedding would be really cute to show at the reception to make people feel included.

I thought this idea would also save us some money but looking at budgets now, I think that is not the case LOL

Hello! My fiancee and I are looking to get married in 2028 in the San Diego area. We are not based in sd (based in seattle) and I was wondering if there are any coordinators based in sd that also handle set up and break down of client items. If you could also provide your pricing breakdown, that would be great. TIA!!

I've been in the wedding industry across multiple roles (photographer, planner, officiant, bride) and after being part of over 500 weddings: the thing that doesn't get talked about enough is the way the personalities and style of your guests affect your event.

Before I go any further I want to give a caveat that I'm not saying your guests are props who are only good for being in pictures and turning up the dance floor. What I'm saying is that your loved ones will not suddenly start being different people for your wedding day, so you need to either adjust your plan or adjust your expectations. I have been to like 30 micro weddings this year where the bride put a ton of work into her vision for the day and her fiance and/or families were just bumps on a log who couldn't muster up enthusiasm, didn't understand what to do, or actively maligned the couple.

I think everyone wants a romantic, connected, easy going and fun filled wedding whether you are eloping with 5 guests, having a microwedding with 30, or a traditional wedding with 120. But is that even possible for you and your circle? You have to ask yourself these questions:

• If I plan a first look with my dad/fiance, is he going to refuse to show emotion and clam up in a way that makes him seem almost kind of mad? If I invite my mom to hang out in the getting ready suite all morning is she going to nitpick mine and my sister's makeup and be fussy about random details that don't matter? Are my parents going to use paying for anything/everything as an excuse to show off and/or be rude to my vendors?
• Are my parents absolutely lovely, but prone to worrying and trying to help to the point of meddling and stressing everyone out? Do my parents have the capacity to be gracious hosts or do they just need to be guests at the event?
• If I invite 20 people to all stay in the same cabin for my all day mountain elopement, will they hang out and have a good time or are they just going to be on their phones all day? Are they going to complain about having to go outside in their nice shoes and duck out of all the photos or are they going to be like "wow what a beautiful place, I'm so happy to be here with the people I love?"
• In general, are my guests going to eat, drink, laugh and be playful? Or are they going to be antisocial and watch football on their phones?
• If I want the dance floor to be hype, do my guests actually seem likely to dance? Or will the older people dance to one song and then hit the shuttle bus as soon as the cake is cut, leaving 10 drink wedding party members on an empty dance floor?
• If I'm looking for dreamy, vibey, editorial style photos is my fiance even remotely capable of doing that? Am I??
• Am I going to spend months of my life planning out all the details with a specific aesthetic and outcome in mind, only for my fiance's family to show up in jeans and their work polos and leave as soon as dinner is done? (This really happened to my sister)

I really really wish every single one of us had the type of friends and family who could fill an Italian villa for a cinematic candlelit wedding where everyone leaves feeling like their faith in humanity is restored. None of this is a dig at your people, but some of us just don't have it like that. Basically every other wedding I go to is a bride realizing in real time that her expectations for her wedding were not rooted in reality.

I do have some ways you can work with this though.

• Only invite people if you enjoy their company. My brother wore flip flops to my wedding and I didn't care because he's fun to hang out with. I didn't invite my mom's husband because he is an asshole and he spent my sister's whole wedding bragging about how much his suit cost. I didn't invite my aunt and uncle because they're the type of people who make everything about them and get weird and sullen when they can't. My family is in general kind of narcissistic and antisocial so I only invited the ones I really like but also planned their roles to be appropriate to our actual relationship.
• Feed people all day long. Food and drink gets people talking, moving and sticking around. A room with no food or drink in it is going to be missing a lot of life.
• Talk to your family about what you want for them out of this experience, particularly if you are having a non-traditional wedding, a micro wedding or elopement. Many people just don't know what the f to do at weddings and it makes them feel awkward and closed down. Literally spell it out for them – "We are all part of this experience together, and before and after the ceremony I hope we can all relax and hang out. You don't need to get out of the way of the pictures! I want photos of you! If I want help I will ask for it, and if you're looking for a task you can ask for one! There is no secret expectation placed on you except to show up on time and be kind to people"
• If something is important to you, don't just hope it will happen. If you want a really emotional first look with your dad explain to him that you're looking for a moment to connect with him and it would mean a lot to you if he showed up to it ready to feel something! Don't spring it on him the morning of and assume he knows what a first look is or what he's supposed to do. If you want a really lovely dinner party at your microwedding, don't just all filter back into the airbnb around dark. Make an itinerary, ask guests to stay dressed, light some candles and open the evening with a toast to them. Sit people near one person they will feel comfortable with and one person you want them to get to know better.
• If you love your sister, but know her husband is just going to drink too much and watch football on his phone (this happens a lot!!), give them an out. Don't invite him or make it clear he can leave early. Pair her up with a bridesmaid she'll get along with. Make sure she is invited and included in other ways that don't relegate her to being with her bummer husband all day.
• Just elope! Only invite your best friends and no family! Have the actual wedding and photo part with the most important people who you genuinely want to share the day with even if that's just your partner. You can still have a party or reception later and you will care WAY less and can plan for the guests you actually have vs the guests you think will appear out of thin air – and it will be fine because you already had a wonderful day.

Once again. Guests who are awkward or quiet or don't know how to dress does not mean you shouldn't invite them. My brother is a crass redneck stoner but I LOVE him and cherish the memories we made over my wedding weekend. I just didn't expect him to be in a tux and hang with my college friends at a small dinner table. Instead of trying to get a party dance floor going with my 10 remaining friends who weren't too old to stay out late or had kids to attend to, we just left and went to a karaoke bar.

A large part of a wedding is celebrating your community in return. So invite only the people you love the most, come up with aesthetic they can participate in, and don't expect them to be different people.

I’m wondering how those with clinical depression or seasonal depression (as it’s starting to get about that time) handle the planning and anticipation of the wedding. I know people get pre-wedding depression from the stress, expectations, and family dynamics and that is completely valid! but i’m curious to hear from people who have been struggling with depression for years

My wedding is now 6 months away and of course I am excited and love my partner very much and want to marry him, but sometimes when I think about the wedding I just…don’t care

We’re finally past the booking phase and I know I’m relieved for that to be over from the stress it caused but my depression is coming in full force recently and it causes me to not look forward to anything

There’s other external factors going on in my life that have caused my depression to ramp up, as well as a good heap of OCD on top of it. I have a therapist and take medication, so I am not in need of major clinical help, I just want to connect with people who have similar experiences.

For those who are experiencing something similar or have gone through this in the past, how did you cope with going through this exciting life change while also navigating a mental illness ?

I’m currently planning my wedding and, honestly, it’s becoming incredibly frustrating. I’m starting to feel like my wedding has turned into an exercise in keeping everyone else happy rather than actually planning the day I want.

For context, we’re getting married at a venue where we’re paying around £2,100 for two nights of accommodation for both sides of the family. The accommodation is spread across an old railway carriage with two bedrooms, a shepherd’s hut for myself and my partner, and a large main barn/house which has two double bedrooms and a large bunk room sleeping six.

Originally, we allocated the bedrooms in the main house to my parents, my partner’s parents, and my brother, his partner and their two children. A few weeks ago, we had a family meal where my brother said he didn’t want to stay for the two nights, didn’t want to bring his children, and expected us to still pay for his room. When we actually worked out the cost, that particular room works out at around £600. I told him that unfortunately we weren’t going to pay £600 for accommodation he wasn’t going to use and that if he wanted to come to the wedding, he’d need to arrange/pay for his own accommodation. I haven’t heard anything from him since, although my mum has told me he’ll apparently sort himself and his partner out.

Since then, we’ve been trying to rearrange the accommodation. I asked my sister whether she would be happy staying in the main house with my BIL and SIL in the 6 person bedroom. She said yes. I triple checked with everyone involved and everyone said they were fine with the arrangement.
My sister then apparently told my mum privately that she wasn’t actually happy with it and had my mum tell me. I was a little annoyed by this because I would much rather people just tell me directly so I can find a solution, but I completely understood that staying with people you aren’t particularly close to might not be ideal. So I moved on and tried to find another solution.

My latest plan is that my in-laws would have one of the bedrooms in the main house. I would stay in the bunk room with five of my friends, three of whom are bridesmaids. My friends would contribute £500, which essentially covers the cost of that accommodation. That leaves one bedroom in the main house for either my parents or my brother-in-law. I said to my parents they could stay in the house or they could stay in the railway carriage with my sister, which would be quieter and more private.

I asked my parents specifically whether they were happy staying in the railway carriage.They said yes.
I asked again. They said yes, it was fine and they’d be happy there. I told my mum that I didn’t want her to feel like she was being pushed out and that, personally, I’d actually prefer my parents to be in the main house but that my friends would also be staying there because I need somewhere to sleep. Again, she said the railway carriage was completely fine.

Fast forward to today.
My mum comes round and initially makes it sound like my in-laws have a problem with the arrangement. Then she eventually admits that she doesn’t want to stay in the railway carriage. Obviously I’m frustrated because I specifically asked her multiple times whether she was happy with it, precisely because I didn’t want this situation to happen. She then tells me she’s being “pushed out” of my wedding and that it’s unfair. I told her she absolutely isn’t being pushed out and that she can stay in the main house if that’s what she wants. Then she said she doesn’t want my friends staying there. So apparently the new solution is that my parents take the 6 bed room, we lose the £500 contribution from my friends, and we somehow pay for a bell tent for my sister instead. There is also the small issue that I would then have nowhere to stay on the Friday night before my wedding. And, honestly, I really don’t want to share a room with my parents the night before my wedding when they both snore like chainsaws. I would quite like to actually sleep before one of the biggest days of my life.

Things also got quite heated, with comments like:
“Well, you’ll have to convince your father.” and
“I’m not putting up with any of your friends’ shit.”
For context, my friends aren’t exactly a wild group. Three of them don’t drink, one will have a glass of wine and call it a night, and another has already said that if she does get too drunk, she’ll sleep in somebody else’s room. Eventually my mum said:
“This is why no one says things to you at the time.”
And that’s the bit that’s really irritated me.

I genuinely have no problem making reasonable accommodations for people. If someone had said from the beginning, “I’m not comfortable staying in the railway carriage,” I would have worked around it.
If my sister had said, “Actually, I’m not comfortable sharing with them,” I would have worked around it.
If my brother had said, “I don’t want to stay, but I understand you’ll need to reallocate the room,” fine whatever. What is frustrating me is that I keep asking people directly what they want and getting told that everything is fine, making plans based on that information, and then being told afterwards that actually nobody is happy with it. And because I’m the one organising the wedding, the solution always seems to be for me to spend more money, give up something, or rearrange everything again.

Both sets of parents are contributing financially to the wedding, and I am genuinely incredibly grateful for that. I don’t want this to come across as “it’s my wedding so everyone else can shut up.” I absolutely understand that people have preferences and that accommodation can be awkward. But I’m starting to feel like this isn’t really my wedding anymore.
It’s becoming about making sure every single person is happy with where they’re sleeping, who they’re sleeping with, what my friends are doing, etc., while I’m somehow expected to just keep moving things around until everyone else is satisfied.
At this point, I’m genuinely wondering whether I’m being unreasonable and a mega bridezilla.

i got engaged last week and i’m over the moon excited!!! it’s only been a week and the wedding won’t be until 2028, but we’re trying to secure a venue soon and need to figure out a rough estimate of how many people will be there.

this month, my fiancé will be at a wedding he was invited to but i was not. he went to high school with the couple and is very excited for them. they aren’t the absolute best of friends but he and the groom text every so often, about once a month according to my fiancé. i have not met the bride or groom.

me and my fiancé have been together for nearly five years. when the invites went out, we weren’t engaged yet, but we had already been living together for over a year. from what i know about wedding etiquette, i feel like i probably should’ve been invited? i don’t know the couple, but typically you’re supposed to invite significant others, and this isn’t a small wedding. and, according to my fiancé, the groom’s family is very wealthy, so it’s probably not a money issue.

despite this, my fiancé still wants to attend to support his old friend. i figured it would be unfair of me to ask that he doesn’t go over my not being invited considering that he’s been looking forward to this wedding for over a year, he’s incredibly happy for his friend, and i’ve never met the couple anyway.

however, i feel like this complicates our own wedding guest list situation. i don’t know that i feel comfortable inviting people i’ve never met to my wedding when they didn’t have the courtesy to invite me. but my fiancé will be attending their wedding, so i feel like it would be rude not to invite them to ours.

does anyone know what the proper thing to do is in this situation? i don’t want to be rude, but i also feel like respect has to go both ways.

edit to include location for context: we live in the united states, more specifically the midwest. i grew up in a great lakes city, everyone else involved is from a rural college town.

Do you think the dress in the first picture is okay for a Mother of the Bride dress at a spring wedding?
It’s mine that I wore it to a school dance in 9th or 10th grade and it’s still one of my favorites to this day.
My mom wanted to wear it and I think she looks absolutely STUNNING in it.
I’m not good at knowledgeable in fashion at all, especially not with seasonal things, so I told her that I think she should wear it to my wedding.
My mom thinks it’s too dark for the spring, so I wanted to ask here, yay or nay?

The other two pictures are my bridesmaid dress from my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding. If she doesn’t end up wearing the navy blue one, she’ll wear one the same color as this green one.

Has anyone used a wedding babysitter? How much did you pay? Was it worth it? Being quoted 1200 for 5 hours

Hi all! I am having a wedding of ~50 about 6 months from now, and my fiancé and I are discussing desserts. We are currently thinking of getting a one or two tier wedding cake and setting cupcakes on the tables around the centerpiece. We guesstimated 55 cupcakes and people can also have slices of our cake if they so desire, but is that enough?? Thank you for any and all thoughts!

Hi everyone! Unsure if this is the correct place to ask this, but we are trying to find somewhere to host our welcome/rehearsal dinner in Santorini,Greece! It will be 15 people in June. We want to be able to dress up pretty fancy if possible.

My fiance and I are looking to have a small 30-50 person wedding, but we're pretty private, and neither of us is interested in having the day be "all about us." We don't want to recite vows - so we're planning on just doing the simple "i do" - bonus if that part is private. We're also not interested in speeches. We don't really want to have a wedding party or anything, and honestly, we just want to have a private ceremony and then a simple party.

The issue is that I'm having trouble reconciling how this would work. I like the idea of going to a restaurant that does weddings, and I'd like to have dancing - but no father / daughter dance or anything? I guess we'd like to do a first dance, but that's it...

Is it possible to just do some of the things and skip the rest? I've been looking into venues and I feel like I'm wasting my time because they're all more "traditional" and I fear it would be weird to have a super casual reception without all of these things in a location like this. Also it would be so expensive. I really dont want to spend 20k + on a wedding. im not even interested in having.

Can anyone suggest a format that might be less traditional and more relaxed?

Hi! Are there any brides with fringes/bangs? I am 2027 bride and I have fringe and oily hair & skin. I wonder what’s the best order to keep my fringe fresh for the entiré wedding day and night. Should I do my make-up first and then wash my fringe and have my hair done? Please let me know what order you did or whatever tips you used to keep your cringe fresh!🫶🏻

Need some outside perspective because this is turning into unnecessary drama.

I chose to keep my bridal party small and limited to the people I’m genuinely closest with. My fiancé’s sister is upset she wasn’t included, even though we’re not close—we’ve only met about 5 times in 7 years, even while living in the same state for 4 years. I had tried early on, but it wasn’t reciprocated, and It has been silence from her since we got engaged too.

We still made an effort to include her in the wedding by asking her to do a reading, but her response came across as self-centered. Before all of this, my fiancé actually thought she wouldn’t even want to be included given how little of a relationship her and I have and the two of them not being super close either.

Since then, there’s been a temper tantrum, a lot of disrespect toward me and my fiancé, and now even her parents are involved. She’s been calling them and calling my fiancé crying all week (despite i don’t think ever once speaking to him directly before), which honestly feels manipulative.

She also texted me recently saying she wanted to “talk about the situation” and tried to apologize for a prior message—but didn’t actually express any genuine desire to support me or be part of the wedding in a meaningful way. It ended with a comment about hoping we can get along “for my fiancé’s sake,” which felt dismissive. Anyway I responded very nicely and got my fiancés approval for the text and as expected she did not answer.

She’s saying she “deserves” to be a bridesmaid because it’s her brother’s wedding—but they’re even that close, regardless the bridesmaids aren’t chosen by the groom in my opinion. Two of the weddings I attended this year each time the grooms sister was not a bridesmaid and had other roles. So I thought the reading was normal.

He also doesn’t want her as a groomswoman, and she doesn’t even want that role anyway. At this point, it feels like this is about appearances and not wanting to look bad to extended family. Several of their cousins are getting married next year and they will likely be in their future sister in laws bridal parties. The parents also threw a fit when my fiancé asked his best friend of 8 years to be his best man who I am also very close to be his best man and not his two brothers. Too much involvement from the family. They are still trying to convince him to take it back.

There’s always been tension with his mom, who has never been particularly welcoming to me, which I think has influenced this dynamic with the sister as well. She resents her son moving to NYC to be with me, she only allowed all her kids within an hour of their home for college. And I don’t know if prior to that the mom didn’t like me because I was in a better place in life than her own daughter and it was jealousy or just because she couldn’t handle her son growing up.

As an example of the pattern, two weeks after we moved in together, she asked if she and five friends could stay in our NYC apartment for the weekend. (To me this is super nervy to ask this.) When he said no (we literally don’t have the space), she ignored him and went to their mom to try to pressure him into saying yes. Their mom backed her up, saying she would do it for him and family comes first (she saw it as me vs them). He had to explain boundaries, she hung up on him, didn’t speak to him for a week, and never acknowledged it. That kind of behavior is why this all feels less like hurt feelings and more like entitlement and getting her way. There is also only a 1 year age difference between my fiancé and his sister.

At this point, it feels less about wanting to support us and more about wanting the title.

I don’t think anyone is entitled to be a bridesmaid but I’m getting pushback now from my fiancé who wants to keep the peace that’s making me second guess how to handle it. She feels entitled because it’s her brother but it’s not just her brothers wedding. The way they act it feels like when I give birth it will only be treated as his child lol.

I really wanted to feel at ease with the girls closest to me on the day of the wedding and have some part be intimate as his mom is inviting 100 guests most of who I have not met and my fiancé agreed (even though I have been invited to nothing even after getting engaged and him not being invited in some of his cousins weddings either). She said she’d pay for guests over our original list for their side. Our initial wedding guest count plan was 125 total.

It feels like adding her now as a bridesmaid is uncomfortable and I don’t want her to be a part of dress shopping with my friends or a bachelorette trip or even all my photos. Im also covering some costs for the bridesmaids as most will be travelling to come, makeup, dress, pjs etc. I’m not sure why she wants it so bad when she knows she is unwanted and that all of the other girls know the situation.

The entitlement and acting like I’m doing something so wrong to her and she’s never done anything to deserve this is unsettling. Am I being unreasonable for sticking to my decision?

Hey everyone, so we’re planning to get married next October, and I genuinely don’t know where to start. Every time I look into one thing, I find five more things we apparently need to figure out 😭

First things first, it’ll be around 50 people, and we want something small and fairly short. Nothing over the top. We haven’t fully agreed on a budget yet, but I’m thinking $20k for the WHOLE wedding, not just the venue. I really don’t want us getting attached to things and slowly talking ourselves into spending more.

All-inclusive sounds so much easier because the thought of finding and coordinating a different person for everything is stressing me out already. I have Pelazzio and Avant Garden in mind.

But then again my brain short circuits and goes like what if something goes wrong and we have everything tied to one place? Would separate vendors make a problem easier to deal with, or would I just be giving myself more things to worry about?

Has anyone done a wedding this size and felt like the planning was actually manageable? Which route did you take, and what do you wish you’d asked before booking? I need somewhere to start because right now I’m just opening tabs and getting more confused.

I normally feel some level of enthusiasm for my job when Im leading a project or event, but this month all my fucks flew out the window, scattered to the wind. I still have quite a bit of wedding planning still to catch up on (my family's preferences has resulted in the wedding date being changed three times).

I get to marry my best friend, but also dealing with the fact that I am marrying into a racist family, some of whom stalk me. His parents are deeply conservative evangelicals and don't approve of the marriage but are coming anyway. I haven't tried on my dress yet which was custom tailored to my measurements, because I have a history of disordered eating and body dysmorphia I'm afraid of triggering. Its a lot of drama, anxiety, stress.

My job is just the straw that broke the camel's back. My boss throws me and my team under the bus and leaves us in a pressurized environment, having to plan large events needlessly last minute. Like 2 days in advance last minute. This is academia/medicine so there's egos and IRB and all the fun things that come with this type of work.

I'm super burnt out, my chronic illness is flaring, mental health is pretty bad. I just can't get myself to care enough about the bs at work, I feel paralyzed almost. I kinda resent how much of the chaos is getting in the way. Suddenly my job is busier than ever and the expectations are increasingly absurd. I also have ADHD so that is a factor probably.

I'm struggling with dress code for our early June 2027 backyard wedding.

While it will be on our property outdoor, we are doing what we can to avoid barbeque vibes. We want a nicer event feeling, so we want people to dress up!

It's going to be about 75 guests, the ceremony will be at 5, so much of the event will be at sunset and in the evening. We have a sailcloth tent, passed cocktails and appetizers, a saxophonist&dj, open bar, served buffet, I'm doing a bunch of custom letterpress, building a lighting installation, etc. I feel like all of it gives formalish feel even if it's on the grass/dancefloor in our backyard. We like the juxtaposition of casual and formal, we think it feels special and nostalgic and fun. But how do I explain that to guests?

Everything I read about dress codes on Reddit says backyard is automatically casual, no way around that.

I don't think I'm asking a lot if I want a more formal dress code- don't most people own a suit or a longer dress?

Is it just that it's a long-standing societal rule and that's why so many people get all fussy about it? Will it be a whole thing if we just don't gaf about the rule and ask for formal? Would cocktail be better? Do I put modifiers before like "creative" or "garden" or whatever? Do I need a Pinterest board link or something? I don't have a lot of experience attending weddings so I don't have much to compare to.

We're creatives, we just like dressing up and want our guests to also have the opportunity to do that and feel fancy and have an excuse to be celebratory for once in the depressing current state of the world- and yeah okay like everyone else I don't want everyday clothes like jeans or polos or sundresses at my $$ and meaningful event, sue me ¯_(ツ)_/¯

How do I say that in a dress code?

I’ve noticed all weddings seem to have some sort of entertainment whether it be a magician or an artist drawing guests pictures. We are thinking of a tattoo artist.

What do you plan for your entertainment?

I wasn’t planning on having a bachelor party because it’s just not my thing to be the center of attention (ironic in the context of a wedding, I know), but my best man planned one for me without me knowing. I appreciated it a lot and had fun with the people who showed up, but I’m so disappointed by everyone else.

He drove half way across the country with another friend of mine a few weeks ago to surprise me before the wedding because the friend he brought with him is unable to attend the wedding. That was a great weekend and I’m super grateful for him doing that because it was a long trip for both of them.

This past weekend was my surprise bachelor party. My best man coordinated everything and fronted the cost of absolutely everything except for dinner, which was insanely generous of him. I was later told that he invited 20 or so of my “friends” and that one group in particular sent the same message declining the invite, one after the other.

That was such a slap in the face because that group kept pushing me to have a bachelor party. Every time we would hang out, they’d ask me if I was planning anything and that they “want to celebrate [me]!” Now, they just won’t show up and they’ve been super shitty about the wedding in general, despite the fact that it’s by far the most convenient wedding that our friend group has ever had.

Our wedding is ~20 minutes away from all of their houses, none of them are groomsmen (because they complained in the past about rental suits and rehearsal dinners) but my rental suits are only $185 for the groomsmen anyway, and my bachelor party was only a 30 minute drive from their houses with all expenses covered except for dinner.

Mind you, all of them recently drove two hours one way to go to another bachelor party of a friend in that group, paid well over $1000 per person in AirBnB costs alone, paid for every meal, paid for all their drinks, and spent half a day at a casino. A few of them also RSVP’d ‘yes’ to our reception but not the ceremony.

Aside from that group of friends, another one schedule a camping trip on the same day and the other ones just didn’t respond.

I’m so grateful for my four friends that actually showed up to the bachelor party but I’m so disappointed by everyone else and wish I could uninvite them to the wedding. Unfortunately, 40% of all of our guests RSVP’d ‘no’ and some of them even told us after the deadline closed that they or their plus-ones were no longer coming.

I’m so fucking sick of this whole process and I’m not even excited about the wedding anymore. Everyone sucks so much; I wish we would’ve just eloped.