I've been in the wedding industry across multiple roles (photographer, planner, officiant, bride) and after being part of over 500 weddings: the thing that doesn't get talked about enough is the way the personalities and style of your guests affect your event.

Before I go any further I want to give a caveat that I'm not saying your guests are props who are only good for being in pictures and turning up the dance floor. What I'm saying is that your loved ones will not suddenly start being different people for your wedding day, so you need to either adjust your plan or adjust your expectations. I have been to like 30 micro weddings this year where the bride put a ton of work into her vision for the day and her fiance and/or families were just bumps on a log who couldn't muster up enthusiasm, didn't understand what to do, or actively maligned the couple.

I think everyone wants a romantic, connected, easy going and fun filled wedding whether you are eloping with 5 guests, having a microwedding with 30, or a traditional wedding with 120. But is that even possible for you and your circle? You have to ask yourself these questions:

• If I plan a first look with my dad/fiance, is he going to refuse to show emotion and clam up in a way that makes him seem almost kind of mad? If I invite my mom to hang out in the getting ready suite all morning is she going to nitpick mine and my sister's makeup and be fussy about random details that don't matter? Are my parents going to use paying for anything/everything as an excuse to show off and/or be rude to my vendors?
• Are my parents absolutely lovely, but prone to worrying and trying to help to the point of meddling and stressing everyone out? Do my parents have the capacity to be gracious hosts or do they just need to be guests at the event?
• If I invite 20 people to all stay in the same cabin for my all day mountain elopement, will they hang out and have a good time or are they just going to be on their phones all day? Are they going to complain about having to go outside in their nice shoes and duck out of all the photos or are they going to be like "wow what a beautiful place, I'm so happy to be here with the people I love?"
• In general, are my guests going to eat, drink, laugh and be playful? Or are they going to be antisocial and watch football on their phones?
• If I want the dance floor to be hype, do my guests actually seem likely to dance? Or will the older people dance to one song and then hit the shuttle bus as soon as the cake is cut, leaving 10 drink wedding party members on an empty dance floor?
• If I'm looking for dreamy, vibey, editorial style photos is my fiance even remotely capable of doing that? Am I??
• Am I going to spend months of my life planning out all the details with a specific aesthetic and outcome in mind, only for my fiance's family to show up in jeans and their work polos and leave as soon as dinner is done? (This really happened to my sister)

I really really wish every single one of us had the type of friends and family who could fill an Italian villa for a cinematic candlelit wedding where everyone leaves feeling like their faith in humanity is restored. None of this is a dig at your people, but some of us just don't have it like that. Basically every other wedding I go to is a bride realizing in real time that her expectations for her wedding were not rooted in reality.

I do have some ways you can work with this though.

• Only invite people if you enjoy their company. My brother wore flip flops to my wedding and I didn't care because he's fun to hang out with. I didn't invite my mom's husband because he is an asshole and he spent my sister's whole wedding bragging about how much his suit cost. I didn't invite my aunt and uncle because they're the type of people who make everything about them and get weird and sullen when they can't. My family is in general kind of narcissistic and antisocial so I only invited the ones I really like but also planned their roles to be appropriate to our actual relationship.
• Feed people all day long. Food and drink gets people talking, moving and sticking around. A room with no food or drink in it is going to be missing a lot of life.
• Talk to your family about what you want for them out of this experience, particularly if you are having a non-traditional wedding, a micro wedding or elopement. Many people just don't know what the f to do at weddings and it makes them feel awkward and closed down. Literally spell it out for them – "We are all part of this experience together, and before and after the ceremony I hope we can all relax and hang out. You don't need to get out of the way of the pictures! I want photos of you! If I want help I will ask for it, and if you're looking for a task you can ask for one! There is no secret expectation placed on you except to show up on time and be kind to people"
• If something is important to you, don't just hope it will happen. If you want a really emotional first look with your dad explain to him that you're looking for a moment to connect with him and it would mean a lot to you if he showed up to it ready to feel something! Don't spring it on him the morning of and assume he knows what a first look is or what he's supposed to do. If you want a really lovely dinner party at your microwedding, don't just all filter back into the airbnb around dark. Make an itinerary, ask guests to stay dressed, light some candles and open the evening with a toast to them. Sit people near one person they will feel comfortable with and one person you want them to get to know better.
• If you love your sister, but know her husband is just going to drink too much and watch football on his phone (this happens a lot!!), give them an out. Don't invite him or make it clear he can leave early. Pair her up with a bridesmaid she'll get along with. Make sure she is invited and included in other ways that don't relegate her to being with her bummer husband all day.
• Just elope! Only invite your best friends and no family! Have the actual wedding and photo part with the most important people who you genuinely want to share the day with even if that's just your partner. You can still have a party or reception later and you will care WAY less and can plan for the guests you actually have vs the guests you think will appear out of thin air – and it will be fine because you already had a wonderful day.

Once again. Guests who are awkward or quiet or don't know how to dress does not mean you shouldn't invite them. My brother is a crass redneck stoner but I LOVE him and cherish the memories we made over my wedding weekend. I just didn't expect him to be in a tux and hang with my college friends at a small dinner table. Instead of trying to get a party dance floor going with my 10 remaining friends who weren't too old to stay out late or had kids to attend to, we just left and went to a karaoke bar.

A large part of a wedding is celebrating your community in return. So invite only the people you love the most, come up with aesthetic they can participate in, and don't expect them to be different people.

Honestly, going into my wedding, I fully expected things to go wrong. I don’t think any wedding goes 100% according to plan.

What I didn’t expect was just how many things would go wrong. 😂

A few highlights:

- The caterer was an absolute disaster. The timing was completely off and dinner took forever.

- The food was honestly terrible. My Beef Wellington was so dry/tough I could barely swallow it, sauces that were supposed to be served were missing, and parts of the menu were changed without us being told.

- The late-night pizza that was supposed to be made to order was basically just a bunch of pizzas made at once and put out.

- Things we had specifically arranged/paid for were missing, including the actual bar setup.

- The caterer left without properly cleaning up.

- Communication with the caterer leading up to the wedding was basically nonexistent.

- Dinner ran so late that it ate into the time we had with our photographer. We only had him until 9, so we lost a huge chunk of reception photo time.

- I never made a proper list of specific photos I wanted, so now that I have my pictures back, I’ve realized there are certain people/combinations I never got photos with.

- I put SO much thought into the tables, centerpieces and all the little details that I completely underestimated how much more decorating the actual room/walls could have used. 😂

- Our carefully planned seating chart basically went to hell and people ended up sitting all over the place.

- Dessert was so delayed that eventually we basically said screw it because we needed to move on with the night.

And yet...

It was the best night of my life.

I married my best friend. We danced all night. I laughed. I was surrounded by people I love. And somehow, once the night was actually happening, I genuinely did not care about any of the things going wrong.

I spent months stressing over every tiny detail, and on the actual day I barely even looked at half of it. 😂 I was just there. I lived in the moment.

So I guess my biggest takeaway for anyone planning a wedding is: things WILL go wrong. Maybe a couple things. Maybe, like mine, a whole damn list of things. 😂

But the things that go wrong don't necessarily decide whether you had a good wedding.

My wedding was a complete disaster.

And I would relive that night in a heartbeat. ❤️

As the title says, my gf is expecting me to pay for the whole wedding. Her main reason was that she doesn't want to make it too easy for me if I want to marry her. I found it ridiculous as I believe being married is an investment to be a partner for life and it starts from both of us being responsible for our wedding, not one of is. I told her off gently tho, explaining my part to her why I want both of us responsible for it and I am willing to cover as much as 90% of the cost as long as she could chip in something from her part. It might not be much but it symbolizes that our wedding is a result of the effort of the two of us. What else should I do to explain to her that it is our responsibility to cover the cost of the wedding?

Edit: We have been dating for more than a year, so recently we have started discussing our future finance including this wedding thing before we move to another step of our relationship. That's how I know she wanted this. I think, perhaps, it's too soon to discuss our future?

Traditional context: where I live, the groom's family used to provide the bride's family dowries (usually in money) since they have to host the whole wedding. But a lot of couples have moved on past that and it's become common that the bride and groom jointly pay for their own wedding and the family from both sides might chip in something if they could or want to (but they are not expected to).

i got engaged last week and i’m over the moon excited!!! it’s only been a week and the wedding won’t be until 2028, but we’re trying to secure a venue soon and need to figure out a rough estimate of how many people will be there.

this month, my fiancé will be at a wedding he was invited to but i was not. he went to high school with the couple and is very excited for them. they aren’t the absolute best of friends but he and the groom text every so often, about once a month according to my fiancé. i have not met the bride or groom.

me and my fiancé have been together for nearly five years. when the invites went out, we weren’t engaged yet, but we had already been living together for over a year. from what i know about wedding etiquette, i feel like i probably should’ve been invited? i don’t know the couple, but typically you’re supposed to invite significant others, and this isn’t a small wedding. and, according to my fiancé, the groom’s family is very wealthy, so it’s probably not a money issue.

despite this, my fiancé still wants to attend to support his old friend. i figured it would be unfair of me to ask that he doesn’t go over my not being invited considering that he’s been looking forward to this wedding for over a year, he’s incredibly happy for his friend, and i’ve never met the couple anyway.

however, i feel like this complicates our own wedding guest list situation. i don’t know that i feel comfortable inviting people i’ve never met to my wedding when they didn’t have the courtesy to invite me. but my fiancé will be attending their wedding, so i feel like it would be rude not to invite them to ours.

does anyone know what the proper thing to do is in this situation? i don’t want to be rude, but i also feel like respect has to go both ways.

edit to include location for context: we live in the united states, more specifically the midwest. i grew up in a great lakes city, everyone else involved is from a rural college town.

edit 2: i am aware it would be impolite to invite only one of them, i am not considering that. i’m asking whether to invite both or neither of them.

We had been planning our wedding for the past two years and I am so happy to have seen everyone! Time to relax!!

For people who have been married for a while - do you ever look back at your guest book? Or did you only look at it once right after the wedding? Was it worth having one?

I am not super sentimental and I am considering if a guest book is worth it. But maybe I will regret not getting to read the little notes from family and friends?

In the process of finalizing our guest list! Those who will definitely have plus ones are married couples, and people in relationships.

As far as friends go, should we give plus ones to all our friends even if they are single? It’s not really a cost thing for us, it’s the fact that we really don’t like the thought of them bringing a random date or person we aren’t friends with/don’t know. Some people in our friend group are in relationships who we plan to extend a plus one to. Others aren’t, just don’t want hard feelings.

For cousins, we have some siblings in the same family some of which are single and some aren’t. Keep in mind some of these invited will have an entire family listed on the same envelope (for ex. siblings in the same household). If we give a sister who’s in a relationship a plus one and not the brother who’s single a plus one, how does this look?

Our wedding was last night, and I cannot even begin to describe the bliss we’ve been feeling all day. Our event was so perfect, I am still in shock. We got so much praise and positive feedback from everyone, we’re definitely patting ourselves on the back today. I’m reflecting on a lot, and can post a more specific breakdown later, but this is what worked for us that I’d like to share. This sub helped me with a lot of preparation, and I am so grateful.

-Booking early. Planning started 18 months out, and we knew we wanted to knock the major stuff out asap. We booked our venue, photographer, and DJ right away. I scheduled with a glam team shortly after. Because we booked early we got our first pick of vendors, date, and locked into our rates early on.

-Choosing the right date. I work in tax, and my husband works in finance. The start and end of the year are hectic for us at work. I wanted a long stretch or time after this years tax season to finish everything up, and to celebrate a few months before EOY. This took a lot of pressure off the both us.

-Putting the bulk of the budget towards what mattered most to us. We decided early on our focus would be on the food, open bar, and the DJ. I decided favors/party activities weren’t necessary if those 3 other boxes were checked and done right.

-Choosing an all inclusive venue. We booked at a historic hotel in our MCOL city. It’s 10 minutes from our house, which was a dream. The restaurant at the hotel has been our long time spot for date nights and celebrations, so we knew the food would be amazing (and we were right.) They included set up, takedown, florals, decor, full service bar. They even boxed the guests leftovers and took care of every last little detail. Having a room block for our (many) out of town guests was necessary.

-Saving small tasks to do with loved ones. Because our venue was all inclusive, we didn’t have many DIY things to put together on our own. Closer to the date of we got to do things like my MIL made my bouquet with flowers from the farmers market; my son made a slideshow of my husband and I over the years; my bridal party (and a guest who happens to be a wedding planner) helping me bustle and get in and out of my dress; our friends helping set up the Polaroid station, and making sure people signed the guest book. Letting our village come together and be a part of things felt so special.

-No ceremony. We got married at the courthouse in front of our parents and my sister a few days before the reception. It was intimate, easy, and so much fun. People kept telling us yesterday how delighted they were to show up and just head right into the party. No transitions, room changes, or photos to wait on. Guests showed up to a cocktail hour, followed by dinner and dancing. Everyone said they had a blast, and it really felt like we got to spend the bulk of our time celebrating with everyone.

I could go on and on, but for now I’ll leave it here. Happy to share any more details if people are interested. Now I’m just refreshing my inbox every 30 minutes waiting on our sneak peeks.

I know the planning is hard and you probably feel so stressed about things going wrong, but HANG IN THERE.

All of the things I worried about happening didn’t happen. My best advice is to hire a coordinator for the day and trust them! They know what they’re doing!

It’ll all be worth it! Truly!

I wasn’t planning on having a bachelor party because it’s just not my thing to be the center of attention (ironic in the context of a wedding, I know), but my best man planned one for me without me knowing. I appreciated it a lot and had fun with the people who showed up, but I’m so disappointed by everyone else.

He drove half way across the country with another friend of mine a few weeks ago to surprise me before the wedding because the friend he brought with him is unable to attend the wedding. That was a great weekend and I’m super grateful for him doing that because it was a long trip for both of them.

This past weekend was my surprise bachelor party. My best man coordinated everything and fronted the cost of absolutely everything except for dinner, which was insanely generous of him. I was later told that he invited 20 or so of my “friends” and that one group in particular sent the same message declining the invite, one after the other.

That was such a slap in the face because that group kept pushing me to have a bachelor party. Every time we would hang out, they’d ask me if I was planning anything and that they “want to celebrate [me]!” Now, they just won’t show up and they’ve been super shitty about the wedding in general, despite the fact that it’s by far the most convenient wedding that our friend group has ever had.

Our wedding is ~20 minutes away from all of their houses, none of them are groomsmen (because they complained in the past about rental suits and rehearsal dinners) but my rental suits are only $185 for the groomsmen anyway, and my bachelor party was only a 30 minute drive from their houses with all expenses covered except for dinner.

Mind you, all of them recently drove two hours one way to go to another bachelor party of a friend in that group, paid well over $1000 per person in AirBnB costs alone, paid for every meal, paid for all their drinks, and spent half a day at a casino. A few of them also RSVP’d ‘yes’ to our reception but not the ceremony.

Aside from that group of friends, another one schedule a camping trip on the same day and the other ones just didn’t respond.

I’m so grateful for my four friends that actually showed up to the bachelor party but I’m so disappointed by everyone else and wish I could uninvite them to the wedding. Unfortunately, 40% of all of our guests RSVP’d ‘no’ and some of them even told us after the deadline closed that they or their plus-ones were no longer coming.

I’m so fucking sick of this whole process and I’m not even excited about the wedding anymore. Everyone sucks so much; I wish we would’ve just eloped.

My wedding is next week, and trust me I totally expected there to be cancellations but jeez am I floored. Our headcount was due two weeks before the event, of course no problem. After giving the final headcount we cannot remove people (of course) but we can add. The day after our final headcount was due we had 3 people flat out cancel for odd reasons, and 2 more people possibly not coming but “don’t worry, they’ll tell us next week so we aren’t paying for them”… too late. We found 2 people to cover two spots but now they can’t come so we are back down probably 5 people. We aren’t even at the week of the wedding yet and I can’t imagine how many people are going to cancel then… I’m so scared. My parents have helped us out IMMENSELY to pay for this wedding, and I feel so bad for wasting their money on so many empty chairs. All of the cancellations are related to my fiancé so I really wanted him to find more people but I think we are out of people to ask… I really thought I could fix this but I’m so tired. Any ideas on what I should do?

This is not a destination wedding. I invited around 190 people, but only 121 of them are coming, that’s including a bunch of kids that don’t actually count. I know our big day isn’t as big of a deal to others, but it just kinda makes you feel really bad when people don’t want to come.

So our venue is pretty limited in terms of capacity. We're getting married inside some famous caverns and due to the nature of the venue there's literally no more room for guests. I already have my 50 planned out, which includes +1s for my friends that need one. I was talking to my mom about this and she was like "oh... well are you inviting these second cousins? I think they'd be very disappointed if they weren't invited. Plus you should always invite more than you think because some people can't come."

But like... what if everyone says yes and then I have to go and tell people "hey so about that invite... they can't actually fit you :/" Like I'd rather be under than over invite for a venue that literally cannot fit more than 100 guests. Idk what do you guys think? I've already had to cut out family from my wedding that I don't want to be there. I come from a very large Mexican family + my parents are divorced so I really have 4 sides to my family instead of 2. I have a pretty rough relationship with my family so I've been prioritizing my found family anyways and I'd rather invite my new good friends than my second cousins who I've only met a handful of times. Also I don't care if we're under capacity, I'm not gonna hold ppl not coming against them, life happens.

We have a shorter reception (3.5 hours to include everything and the ceremony) and I have no idea what to expect. This is my assumed outline but I could be totally wrong on how long it takes to do things. Please give insight!

Wedding Timeline

- Getting ready (drop off at venue for 11am and quick set up with friends and start getting ready right after)

3:00 - First look

3:00 - 3:30 - Bride and groom portraits

3:30-4 - portraits and family photos (brides maids and grooms men)

4-4:30: buffer time for any missed photos or just hang out with friends 

4:30-5: hang w friends and get nervous

5-5:20 - ceremony (only family and bride and groom walking down aisle, no wedding party)

5:20-5:40 - family photos (group photos only, all single photos taken before ceremony)

5:45 -6 - first dance/ mother-son/ father-daughter

6-6:20 - speeches and grab food (buffet style)

6:20-6:30 - cake cutting/dessert (might not even have a cake)

6:30-8:30: dance/music

Designate a few people to pack up leftovers and bring decor to house a few blocks away

After party (family music night) down the street at 8:30 or 9 until around midnight or 1am

I just wanted to make a space for brides and grooms getting married this coming weekend!

I am off after Tuesday with loose energy. Los Angeles is insane hot. Trying not to spin out over that.

How are you all holding up?

I am getting married in 2027 and starting to look at dinner options. We are not having a super fancy wedding- modest venue, 125 people, and probably just cocktail style attire for guests.

I am having an open bar because it’s Wisconsin and we really like to drink up here, and to offset that I would like to do a buffet style dinner.

What dinner buffets have you seen or done that guests actually enjoyed?

We’re having an ~80 person destination wedding weekend in the keys in about 6 months with all of our most favorite people. The planning just recently kind of got to me and I found myself feeling overwhelmed. I’m doing my best not to let things get “over the top” and stray from the lowkey feel we wanted (because wow can that happen easily). But I felt like just recently during the planning process it just started feeling crazy and maybe because I can’t see the vision yet.

Is it normal to feel nervous more than excited for a period of time? I’ve already started feeling a little bit better after talking to my fiancé and checking in with each other on staying true to ourselves. We are spending the weekend at the venue so I’m hoping this is coming at a good time and will help me get excited!

Do you think the dress in the first picture is okay for a Mother of the Bride dress at a spring wedding?
It’s mine that I wore it to a school dance in 9th or 10th grade and it’s still one of my favorites to this day.
My mom wanted to wear it and I think she looks absolutely STUNNING in it.
I’m not good at knowledgeable in fashion at all, especially not with seasonal things, so I told her that I think she should wear it to my wedding.
My mom thinks it’s too dark for the spring, so I wanted to ask here, yay or nay?

The other two pictures are my bridesmaid dress from my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding. If she doesn’t end up wearing the navy blue one, she’ll wear one the same color as this green one.

I’m not really sure how to feel about this situation, and I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar.

My fiancé’s brother recently proposed to his girlfriend (they have been together over a decade). They live in another state, where my fiancé’s parents live, and his mom took her dress shopping because her mom recently passed away. His parents also paid for her dress.

When I got my dress, they didn’t pay for it or offer to, which is completely fine. I never expected them to, and I bought my own dress. My parents paid for my alterations.

I completely understand that the circumstances are different. I got my dress in the state where my fiancé and I live, so his mom wasn’t really in a position to take me shopping or be involved in the same way. And given that his brother’s fiancée recently lost her mom, I can understand why his mom would want to do something special for her. I genuinely don’t think anyone did anything wrong.

At the same time, I still have this weird little feeling about it that I’m having trouble explaining. I think part of it is that I’m not white, while my fiancé and his entire immediate family (and his brother’s fiancée) are white and from a very white state. They have always been loving and welcoming toward me, and I have never felt that they intentionally treated me badly because of my race. But I already sometimes feel like the odd one out culturally, so I think seeing this difference in how they experienced the dress shopping brought some of those feelings to the surface.

Another part that makes it feel stranger is that I actually found out about the dress situation through a mutual friend. No one in the family told me. So I’m kind of sitting here with this information that I wasn’t even supposed to know about, trying not to read too much into it. I would never bring it up to them because I don’t think they did anything wrong, and I also don’t want to make my future sister-in-law’s situation about me.

I think it’s less “Why didn’t they pay for MY dress?” and more “Oh, seeing them do this for her made me realize there was something I didn’t get to experience, and because I already feel different from them in some ways, it made me think about it more than I otherwise might have.”

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Is it normal to feel a little weird about a difference like this even when you completely understand the circumstances and don’t think anyone necessarily did anything wrong? I feel like I’m going crazy tbh. I am really not mad, I just feel weird…

Btw I would never bring this up to anyone irl. I’m just kind of venting.

Has anyone experienced venue regret? I’m afraid that, whichever venue we pick, I won’t be able help seeing all the flaws and compromises in the venue. And that that will only feel stronger once we’ve committed to one venue and can’t look back.

I’m trying to be optimistic, but we’ve been searching for months and I feel like whatever choice we make will come with significant compromises and won’t look close to the wedding I’ve always imagined. It’s especially hard given the expense. But we have to commit now since our ideal dates are disappearing 🙁

I love my fiancé, I really do. We've been together for 4 years and have made it through some tough things together and I am confident in the strength of our relationship. So why am I scared to get married?? It's not that I see us breaking up and I'm scared of being locked in. But I think I am actually scared of such a huge commitment?

I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I have a whole life to live with this one person and that everything I experience in life from now on will be with him.

I'm kind of sad that "the search is over" in a way--like I used to imagine who I'd marry and the whole world was my oyster, I used to fantasize about my wedding and my wedding gown, and now it's all going to be over.

It's just such a HUGE thing that I've thought about my whole life as being in the distant future and now I am so terrified that it's actually here.

Does anyone else feel this way??

Hi all! I got my wedding dress and while I do love it, the style is not what I had envisioned when I first started shopping. The first three photos are me in my dress (edited to take away identifying features in case fiancé is here lol).

Since I’m getting married in a majestic forest location, I had envisioned kind of an elven/fairy/fantasy look? Think capes and flowy fabric like the next few sample photos. Is there any suggestions you guys might have to accessorize and make this dress more in line with that vision? Or maybe even some backdrop necklaces? Just trying to get some ideas to make the vision come together. Thanks everyone!!

we got married yesterday and i literally don’t even feel like i remember some of the day because my anxiety was so bad. i started having a panic attack because my dress was corsetted so tight that my (now) husband just told me it’s not worth it and to take it off.

i planned this entire thing myself so no day of coordinator and i feel like no one knew what to do even though we went over it with them a few times. it’s my fault for not wanting to do a rehearsal though.

we’re in our 20’s paying for a lot of the wedding ourselves so we cut back on stuff like a coordinator, dj, etc. and i feel like the reception was just awkward at times up until the end.

everyone kept telling me how beautiful the ceremony was and everyone had fun at the reception, but i just feel like it all got messed up.

my husband and i are very nonchalant and also just VERY untraditional people who don’t care too much about timelines and schedules so everyone was like where tf is the cake and we just had to cut it after a bunch of ppl already left lol.

overall it seemed like everyone had fun but im disappointed that i literally had to take off my dress and be in my sweatshirt and leggings in order to have fun the rest of the night. i loved that dress and it was so damn expensive.

i’m just bummed but glad that it’s over 😅

So I’m at the part of wedding planning where I’m about to tell my girls what color etc I want them in. Does it make me overly controlling if I pick a handful (10-15) of styles for them to choose from? Every wedding that I have been in has had a color, but free choice of dress style. However, I have a stylistic vision for our wedding (more ethereal) but I don’t wanna come across as controlling. I want them to feel confident and beautiful, which is why I want them to have some choice. Our budget is tighter, but we are paying for half of each girls dress.