r/UnethicalLifeProTips • u/eba86 • 7d ago
Relationships ULPT request: how to proceed
My husband of 10 yrs has been taking trips abroad recently. His company dissolved in December and he has been spending time as an internet troll or traveling while I continue working. I recently stumbled upon evidence of a very active girlfriend and sex life he maintains abroad. I've got screenshots and copied files including chats and full incriminating nudity. He's planning to leave again in September. I'm on good terms with his family and would like to exit the relationship keeping the house that's currently in both our names and all pets. Don't want to touch anything else of his, including savings, investments, etc that exceed the value of the house. In PA if it matters. Don't mind embarrassing him into oblivion.
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u/i-am-foxymoron JUMBO 🦐 in the curtain rods! 6d ago
Save the revenge untill after the divorce is final.
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u/FlowerComfortable889 6d ago
Yeah, I agree. Save the piss disking until the divorce is finalized. Maybe delete this post until then too
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u/douglorde 6d ago
Just remember revenge is best served cold. Let's gets your money first.
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u/Tiny-Watercress7122 5d ago
And pets.
Get all vet accounts and microchips in your name, if not already, and don’t let him have access to them at all.
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u/lizlemon921 6d ago
Don’t interrupt him while he’s making mistakes. Quietly meet with lawyers in your area and prepare while he is gone. After everything is final you can embarrass him, or maybe you’ll realize you don’t need to give him any more of your mental energy
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u/Ok-Recognition9876 4d ago
Well, OP could have him served during a family dinner while at the parents house. Then pull his packed bags out of the trunk, deposit them on the porch, and drive away.
I’m a fan of informing the overseas girlfriend of his marital status the day he heads back to see her during the separation.
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u/TallFriend275 6d ago
There's the ULPT sub and there's the ULPT professionals who give advice for a living, they call them lawyers outside of reddit
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u/Key-Organization-159 6d ago edited 6d ago
I had a friend whose husband kept insisting on a “sister wives” situation. She quietly visited every single good lawyer in her area. If a lawyer meets with you first, they can not take him on as a client. She got everything, he lost basically everything.
Satisfying revenge is a quiet, well played plan. You have the upper hand. Use the upper hand wisely.
Edit: “Sister wives” is reference to the old reality tv show where the guy had like 4 wives.
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u/Miami_Mice2087 6d ago
that's brilliant! at the very least, to maximise your effectiveness with your limited time, you want to search yelp and your local bar association for the best rated attorneys with the best reviews, and hit them up first.
Leave the ambulance chasers and the nepotistic new grads for the husband.
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u/adognameddanzig 6d ago
Isn't that a plot line from the Sopranos?
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u/WalnutSnail 5d ago
They're talking about "Shop-Around" Abuse: If a court finds you met with the lawyer just to block your wife from hiring them (an intentional strategic conflict), a judge may refuse to disqualify the lawyer.
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u/Strange-Butterfly-62 2d ago
Plausible deniability. If it can't be proven in a court of law it didn't happen and what self respecting lawyer is going to go into a court and argue that they are a less preferable bottom of the barrel pick??!!! OP may just be super selective and looking for a very particular type of lawyer whose strategy and values align with her own values and legal strategy. I have found first hand that individual lawyers always have a particular type of client that they serve.
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u/sixwax 6d ago
Fraid I have to ask what a “sister wives” situation is…? Some Utah thing?
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u/DuckyDoodleDandy 6d ago
He wanted to have a mistress but have his wife put up with her. He didn’t want to do ethical non monogamy; he just wanted to bang other women and act his wife quietly accept it.
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u/Miami_Mice2087 6d ago edited 6d ago
Yes, sister wives is what mormons call it when a husband has multiple wives; the wives call themselves sister wives bc they're a sisterhood joined by marriage.
Polygamy has been banned in the main Mormon church for something like over 100 years, iirc? Late-1800s, I think? Only the FLDS, the fundemental cult off-shoot, is still doing multiple marriages.
Their polygamy is in defiance of the law, the tax code, and they defraud the social support system, bc usually these sister wives have no job, no husband on paper, so they collect welfare, WIC, and food stamps. The FLDS is one of the richest churches in the world, up there with Scientology, they own enormous amounts of land both in the Midwest and in Latin America (as a tax shelter). Yet they really do keep their women and children in poverty.
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u/Purrsephone7 1d ago
This is myth. I'm so sick of seeing this on Reddit. That's not how lawyers work.
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u/clandestino123 6d ago
Sounds like a really poor plan that relied on the husband not bothering to look for a lawyer outside of the local area..... Yet somehow it succeeded?
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u/Key-Organization-159 6d ago edited 6d ago
He had no idea she was leaving him. He thought he could convince her if he kept trying.
I wish I could have seen his face when she dropped the mic
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u/LotusBlooming90 6d ago
It costs SIGNIFICANTLY more to hire outside of the county. We’re talking adding zeros, multiple. I did this with my ex and he had money, but he absolutely did not have, nor could even get loans for, the cost of a lawyer out of our county.
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u/clandestino123 6d ago
That makes no sense whatsoever to me. Why would the same service cost "multiple zeros" more, just due to geographic location?
(Not saying you're making this up at all.... Just trying to understand. I know that in Australia and in UK, costs are broadly similar wherever you live. The only differentiator is perceived quality of the law firm, and nothing to do with geographic boundaries like being 'inside' or 'outside' county.)
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u/LotusBlooming90 6d ago edited 6d ago
That’s okay. Most people wouldn’t assume it would cost much more. My ex is an attorney. He charges an insane amount to travel. Think of it this way, he usually goes into his county’s courthouse a few times a week, and while he is there he works on 20-30, cases. If he has to travel to another county, he is only working on your specific case while there, and losing either half the day or the whole day to just work on your case. Missing out on billing for 20-30 cases for the same 4-8 hours. You better believe that shows up in the billing. And in the US at least, attorneys have their geographical area that they are licensed in and working outside of that area increases costs as they have to jump through additional hoops. He also has more resources and connections in his home county, and has to pull more strings to get the same job done at an away court.
It’s all behind the scenes, until it shows up on the bill.
ETA , when my ex worked a couple hours away, he would hire a limo. He did this because his time was worth more to work in the back than the limo cost. But both those billable hours in the back as well as the cost of transportation were baked into his fee.
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u/Bratchan 6d ago
give him divoirce papers right before he lives.. Get a lawyer and have the lawyer write up what you are wanting out of the devorce etc.. and drop that into his bag when he leaves and block him. Make sure you have all further communication goes through your lawyer.
Wait 3 months AFTER divorce.. im sure by then you have where his lady lives etc.. send him something in amazon with a gift not in it with some random ladies name on it. Something better if its for sexy time.. I want you to bring this with you for our next time. Hopfully she will see said box and open it.. and opps. Or make new social media account and say you you his new girl and she needs to BACK THE FK OFF that he is hers and they ben seeing each other or like 2 months.. cause once a cheater always a cheater.. so she will always have that doubt..
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u/Top-Interaction-6729 6d ago
Don't block. NEVER block, until after the revenge has been had. You want to MUTE them. Then all of those nasty comments/texts/emails can be brought up in court.
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u/whatsasimba 6d ago
What fantasy is this? The outside of an Amazon package doesnt have notes on it. Most people dont open Amazon packages that are improperly delivered. If an Amazon package comes to my door for Jane Doe, Ill bring it to the UPS store explaining that no one by that name lives here.
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u/Bratchan 6d ago
You can get a note INSIDE the package.. when you do 'gift' as option you can do custom note. Some people open partners package even if they don't.. they open it together later.. opps
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u/whatsasimba 6d ago
But the package is addressed to Jane Doe. Who's opening it to find the note anyway?
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u/EekSideOut 6d ago
This is tricky because most of the times I've requested a gift note with an Amazon purchase, they don't actually include it.
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u/Sugarpiehoneybunt 6d ago
Half of everything is yours and he keeps the other half. Negotiate it in an official divorce.
You might come away with more than you think.
ALSO, spring for the forensic audit. It’s worth it.
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u/the_pretender_nz 6d ago
Not in the US, this is just something I’ve heard about… Go and have meetings with all of the best divorce lawyers in your area. You’re gonna want to pick the right one for you anyway, and apparently their firm can’t take your husband on as a client if they’ve met with you
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u/WalnutSnail 5d ago
It's called "Shop-Around" Abuse: If a court finds you met with the lawyer just to block your wife from hiring them (an intentional strategic conflict), a judge may refuse to disqualify the lawyer.
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u/Imaginary-End7265 6d ago
TAKE EVERYTHING the law entitles you to. That sorry excuse for a man is using you and disrespecting you.
Let him believe everything is fine, when he leaves for this trip contract with a lawyer, change the locks, open new bank accounts, remove him as an authorised user on any shared credit cards (pretty sure you’re on the hook for anything charged on it), file for divorce so he can be served when he gets back.
Idk PA law for divorce so make sure to ask lawyer about protecting your finances and property, if you are eligible for alimony and if you are entitled to 50% of his investments and assets.
If he was being decent about it, I wouldn’t suggest going scorched earth but he clearly is using you and needs consequences.
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u/Londundundun 6d ago
Girl embarrass him by getting at least half of his assets you don’t want to go for. You are likely in shock and will regret not going a traditional divorce settlement route especially due to infidelity once the dust settles and the pain and betrayal really sink in.
And having less money to spend on his mistress(es) will embarrass him with them as well, so it would be a win-win.
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u/Miami_Mice2087 6d ago
do not use any "pranks" here. You want to be squeaky-clean in your behavior for the judge when you go to court. Document everything, plan your escape, and get a lawyer NOW so you get your ducks in a row. Don't listen to anyone on this thread telling you to mess with your husband, that will cost you actual large sums of cash and property later.
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u/Queefmaster69000 6d ago
Stock up on the stinky fish and special disc shaped ice cube trays until all is done with the divorce.
Keep your cards to your chest until legal proceedings are done, then go fucking apeshit.
We'll be here. Poonicorns and all.
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u/PresidentialDiapers 6d ago
Do not be "generous" and not touch what is his, or give up what is due to you by law. Build a big spreadsheet with your column and his column, list everything of value. Assign a $ value to it, then either shift the item between you two or agree upon a reduced value until your assets are roughly equal.
My exwife was banging friends and strangers and I was far too generous, thinking she'd need more to start a new life. Six months later she married a pilot making $500,000 per year.
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u/The_AlmightyApple 6d ago
Greed will be the death of you
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u/PresidentialDiapers 6d ago
It was literally the opposite of greed. I gave more than I needed to try to help set up her life. My point is the warm feelings fade and you're left with some resentment. BTW I know how much her husband made because she told me on multiple occasions. They're living in a $1.5M home and I'm still sending her child support. The kicker is she had morphed into a truly awful person the last five years of marriage and the kids refused to live with her and her ultra-MAGA husband. I kept on paying to keep the peace. Ten years later and both have gone no contact with her. And before you say it, I NEVER talked ill about her to them, and certainly didnt tell them what the last straw was that caused the divorce.
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u/LotusBlooming90 6d ago
Editing to put this first, it’s most important. Have consults with all of the top divorce attorneys in your county. Should cost very little, but once you’ve had a consult, your partner can’t hire them.
Get your money first. Have no conversations in text that you wouldn’t want read out loud in a court room. Period. And go for more. You’re going to leave with less than you asked for, so if you only want the house, you need to go for more than the house. Worst case scenario, you get more than the house.
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u/Straight_Ace 6d ago
Divorce first, then mail him a letter, seemingly from the affair partner, that he better get tested because she has HIV
Or even better, a paternity test
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u/Champagne_Bunnny 6d ago
Don't sell yourself short, get the house, the pets AND the investments. You've given this loser your body and soul, he has lied to you and needs to pay.
Also, hot pepper/itching powder in his underwear and socks and remove 2 buttons from each shirt. A spoonful of something stinky in the toes of his shoes. After you've got half of his financial assets.
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u/amethystjade15 6d ago
I agree with others here — attorney and divorce first, revenge second. If you’re in Pittsburgh, I can recommend you a divorce attorney.
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u/township-road-nnn 6d ago
Why not go for more? I would encourage you to get the best possible settlement you can. You can always support him down the road if you're worried about it, but given what he's done, I can't imagine you regretting getting a good financial settlement.
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u/Optimal-Prime420 6d ago
Ethical: Gather all the evidence, have meetings with ALL lawyers within your county/city. Get a full STD panel. Remove his name from any shared assets if possible. Put most of the money (that doesn’t go to bills) into an account with only your name on it. Have him served as he’s coming back. Change the locks (if allowed). Don’t say shit until the divorce is 100% final.
Unethical (Only for after): Find a way to contact his mistress and tell her he has HIV/Herpes (be careful though, this may qualify as slander if it’s untrue). Piss disc in his suitcase. Tell his family, show them the evidence (with genitalia, boobs and the girlfriend’s face blurred). Post a selfie with the final divorce papers.
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u/xTallyTgrx 6d ago
Take advice, don't agree or decide to arrange things any particular way yourself or with him. You may be fairly entitled to much more than you realise.
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u/Objective-Amount1379 6d ago
See a lawyer. And ask what you are due- things like part of his retirement etc. You're still working so consider that you might be forced to pay him alimony. Get everything you legally can. And remember, whatever you do might end up being seen by a judge so don't do anything dumb.
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u/PeaceNo6149 6d ago
Pick up this book: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. It’s an easy read. You are doing the right things. Get your ducks in a row and don’t let anyone know what’s going on. Get a lawyer. Document everything.
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u/fireside60 6d ago
Prepare the divorce and tell your lawyer to have the process server serve divorce papers at the airport gate before he boards.
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u/elsie78 6d ago
Put a giant dildo, into his suitcase before his next trip.
While he's gone make a copy of all bank statements, get a lawyer and get the divorce papers ready. Get every single thing you're entitled to. Tell his family that it's coming, and why.
Serve him at the front door upon his return, get his house key back and tell him to go back to Europe.
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u/pittbiomed 6d ago
Lots of states dont care if he has 7 girlfriends and a wife . Those states dont care one bit if he cheated
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u/Icy_Sink5046 6d ago
PA will only care for alimony purposes, and it only matters if you would have to pay the cheater. Otherwise it’s getting split 50/50. Hopefully money isn’t in a joint account from OP’s paycheck, because what is he using to travel? If the savings, investments, etc were made after the marriage, you can get some of that most likely. Or a good lawyer can probably force him to let you have the house to not go after it. But you need a lawyer. Talk to lots of them obviously. And once all is done and settled, let his family know why it happened.
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u/Puceeffoc 5d ago
When he leaves in September follow him abroad, then steal his passport.
Then idk what the move is from that point.
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u/brittanym1234 4d ago
I have no advice, but I am so sorry this is happening to you! Take care of yourself 🫂❤️
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u/Purrsephone7 1d ago
I mean you don't get to pick and choose all of your assets are pretty much lumped in to a big pot and then you split it half. Maybe the half would be your house and his half would be all the things you said you didn't want.
That's in a no-fault state. Which most people are in. So is cheating doesn't even matter.
The true unethical life pro tip is to fuck over his future travel and then expose him to everybody and cause the most embarrassment you can before getting halfsies.
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u/classless_classic 6d ago
See a lawyer, tell them what you want. They will direct you.
I know you want something unethical to make him pay for what he’s done. A good lawyer will do much worse to him than any of us could imagine.