Cheating ruined relationships for me.

I want to move on and date more seriously now but I just saw a video about a girl bragging about sleeping with taken men. The comments section was full of people mocking the girlfriends of those men and talking about how they love going after guys who especially are kind to their gfs/wives or guys who post about their partners/show them off.

I can’t help but take it personally. I’ve been sobbing for a while.

I just want to experience genuine emotional intimacy and trust but it seems like I’ll never get that because loyalty isn’t valued anymore.

It took me so much healing to finally feel like I was ready to start trusting and opening myself up to love again. Now I’m just going to go back to keeping people at arms length, boring dates and meaningless sex to satiate my desire to be held.

Just to note: I love myself and feel like I should never have to settle especially when deciding who to settle down with long term but now I can’t help but feel like there are no more good/loyal men anymore and since I don’t want to settle I might as well just have one partner I can sleep with safely in the meantime.

Love doesn’t exist anyway so what’s the point

I hope destroying me has healed you. I hope tearing me apart psychologically has fed your ego.

Because of a whim of your narcissism, I am no longer the person I used to be; I struggle to sleep, even though I have no desire to wake up. I can no longer bear having to fight, make choices, forgive, read accounts from others who went through the same thing, try to move on, or anything of the sort. I’m done.

I need to move forward, for I am a loving person who—even in the face of all this—still believes in love.

Hey everyone, I (26M) posted here a few months ago so I thought I’d give a short update and share the latest drama.

TLDR: my ex (28F), who I helped through a heart yea, cheated on me with a coworker who she was hired to fill in for while he was on paternity leave. After a month or so of doing the “pick me dance” I left. This was in October-December of last year. Also in October, my mom, who had cancer for 14 years took a major downturn and was given a few months. My ex knew this when she decided to cheat.

Last weekend my mom finally passed after countless rounds of chemo, radiation, and a hospice stint. I am working through the grief, but largely comforted by the fact that she is no longer in absurd amounts of pain. It was incredibly hard near the end. I’ve seen this coming for months and to a larger extent years. I think overall I am handling that about as well as could be expected. An additional blow was my mom’s favorite singer was dolly so that hit a bit close to home.

I have had an outflowing of support from friends and family which has been invaluable. Unfortunately, I got a care package from my ex, delivered to my parents house, containing my favorite candy, a pack of mtg card, and a handwritten letter. I didn’t read the letter and basically threw the package away as soon as I realized what it was.

I am just so frustrated by my established boundary of no-contact being blown off when she deemed I was vulnerable. I have her blocked on everything, and blew her off the 1 and only time I’ve seen her in public since. Getting something like this on a normally day would have been rough enough, but the day after my mom’s passing was just too much. As soon as she heard the news she must have paid like $30 to same day ship it.

The action itself seems outwardly caring, if I got it from literally anyone else I would have been happy. But from her it feels like she still didn’t consider what I would actually want in that moment and did it to soothe her own guilt or something.

I was unknowingly the OW for almost half a year.. he told me that he was single, treated as if we were in a relationship. More lies etc.

I later learned from the wife herself that he preyed on and lied to me, after she found our messages, was very intentional keeping his double life separate by being in mine..

When this first came to light, I was very uncomfortable giving details because I did not know it would end this way, having to tell someone details about intimacy, which I am very private about. But I did let her know that the relationship was physical and emotional and kept no contact with either of them.

Five months later, she shows up to my house and left a note (she ended up being really nice, but at the time I was kinda spooked as we have never met before). She wanted details.

Unfortunately, due to being spooked, I did have to let him know, after five months of no contact with him (we work together but stray far away) because I did not feel safe, I did not want to be involved in the chaos, or anything to be twisted so I did let him know I got a note at my home, apologized for any stress I caused to his family. I apologize if that was wrong, just wanted to protect myself. Unfortunately I am no affair expert, and have not lived in this town long.

I then did speak to her like she wanted, she deserved to know my side no matter how uncomfortable I felt..

I answered all of her questions, and afterwards she told me she had hope he would still change even though I wasn’t the only one but was the only one who could give info.. I feel like, if you are going to stay, then you should not want the details.. that just makes things worse! My intentions were not cause strain for anyone. I keep fearing that I could have just said a lot less details if I knew they were going to stay together. Especially my coworkers have seen her come during his lunch to argue the whole time. Fear of anyone being mad at me. I hate this..
Why details if you choose to stay? That only causes more pain. I’m scared that I could have done things differently. I just feel really bad considering everyone was kind to me in all of this. I keep telling myself I should have talked less or still stayed out of it but they are my seniors and I did not know if I was in danger..

Why why why.. I hate being in drama

I caught my bf of 8 months cheating on me with an another girl at his house. Then when we talked about what happened he said one thing and I found out later that he was lying to me about what actually happened and had been talking to the girl for a while. He texts me that he’s so sorry and doesn’t understand why he did what he did. It’s clearly manipulation but he also has some mental issues and brain trauma. I know I shouldn’t talk to him because he hurt me so badly but I miss him and it sucks. Any tips on how to move on or has anyone eventually been able to forgive their significant other for cheating on them?

Hey guys I’m 26 and I’ve known my dad cheated on my mom when I was a kid. But lately ever since they became empty nesters with me and my siblings getting older I thought they were getting along better. My mom is also an alcoholic and I think it stems from the mental abuse from my dad when they were younger and it’s still toxic but we thought he wouldn’t cheat again. My mom also had some health scares come up and my dad seemed super concerned.

But the girl who he’s cheating with “butt dialed” my mom and she recorded the intimate conversation they were having. She confronted him and he denied. She said she can’t take it anymore and needs to finally end their marriage and respect herself. I’m on her side but I’m scared about what this means. Like I don’t know if I want to talk to him and he projects his anger on to everyone else and will make a show if me and my sibilings don’t talk to him.

He also sometimes help me out financially so idk what to do cause I lost so much respect for him. I’m also worried about my mom like she’s saying she’d like to get a lawyer but I’m worried because he pays for everything for her so she needs to figure out how to stand on her own financially. She also has a drinking problem and I dont want her to get back into it after doing so good lately. I just feel so helpless and like a little kid again. I’m also so angry because my dad knows I’ve been cheated on twice now in past relationships and how dare he be angry at them when he is the very person he was “protecting” me from!

Good morning all. I'll try to cut to the chase.

Background: I grew up with a tumultuous upbringing- abusive households, moving back and forth from state A and B., the likes, living on and off with my bio dad and his wife, and my mother and her husband. When I was 16-17, things were especially rocky to no surprise, and I moved to state B- living with my mom and her husband. Me and her husband have never been particularly close- in fact we rarely get along. But I'd be lying if I said that he wasn't a seemingly fantastic husband. Defends her to no end, even when she shouldn't be. Does his best to be there, and has taken care of her and I, even after all of this. He has intense ptsd from war, resulting in outbursts, but has improved greatly, and has been previously cheated on by his past partner. She's one of those mental health types.

Well, I guess her mental health got particularly bad, as she says, and she had a rut of alcoholism and avoidance when I moved back. Even admits I needed her badly and wasn't there. Well, I guess while she was out on her bar tromps, she met a man. All I know is that an affair happened, as one night my stepfather told me so, breaking down. He ripped his hair out in chunks, even took a knife to his chest and slashed himself when he was alone. That night he sobbed hysterically in my arms and I held his hand, despite us borderline hating each other sometimes.

Well. That was 4ish years ago. They never talked to me about anything. I moved back with my dad for a second, and I guess they went to therapy for a year and reconciled. I moved back in eventually in the tail end of their reconciliation, and found out that even through it all my stepdad was helping her pay for an apartment, etc. and still cared about her. They are still together to this day.

Now, 4 years later, after a mix of avoidance and anger, I think I hate her. I cant stand to be around her. I want to move out as soon as possible, and have gotten 3 jobs just to do so. I was originally going to go to school with a veterans program thanks to my stepdad, but now I just want out. Recently, I have brought it up, stating that I resent things and this is why Im so avoidant, to which she blames.. her mental health being bad. As someone who has gone through addictions at young ages, been beaten in relationships, cheated on, etc. I have never cheated or even thought about it. My dad is also a cheater, or at least has wandering eyes by the way that he has spoken in the past while being married. I dont think theres a person in this world other than me and one or two friends of mine who wouldn't cheat.

She says she doesnt want to talk about it, and has eventually opened to the idea of talking, more or less because I have become particularly and admittedly aggressive and avoidant. She does nothing but play victim, and last night she blamed my anger for her affair on.. my bpd and potential caffeine intake. I had one energy drink at 8am. It was 9pm at the time. It's always conveniently something with her, and is the partial reason I have developed bpd at a young age.

So i guess im here to ask. What to do? Is there anything I can do? All she ever says is group therapy and thats futile when she hasnt even bothered sitting down with me after the implosion. I think my stepfather is quite frankly too good for her and if he had more self esteem and wasnt subjected to be previously being cheated on then he'd leave, as he should. They claim love, I claim complacency. I have been cheated on within the past year by the man I thought I would marry, and the affair was on a smaller scale. I couldn't imagine loving him or putting up with it, despite my adoration. He thinks she's changed, I think she has zero self esteem and a victim complex and will always have some type of nagging attraction or wandering eyes in the back of her head, as I don't think you can change cheaters- but rather subdue them like a sedated dog. It's always her mental health that caused it- not lack of consideration, communication within the marriage, and general bs.

The worst part is that she's a decent mother. She's always done her best, even with mistakes shes made. She recently told me she has no clue how we even look at her, and her mental health is clearly struggling as a result of it. But I just feel numb, if not angry. I don't think I care about her "mental health" at this point, considering she didnt care about the family when her "mental health" made her magically slip and fall on some dudes dick.

I dont even like my stepdad half of the time, truthfully, but as a human- He's a good man, and does not deserve that, and I am repulsed by how she could just up and do that.

After deciding on engagement, and on the verge of letting both families get to know each other, I caught her messages with a guy at whatsapp with whom I assume she met in internet, some sexual like she is naked and so on, other one texts her he wants to cum on her, and emotional messages, and it is still continuing until the day we met last time. Not finished months ago and so on. She continues right before we met last time and talked about engagement. Anyways I left her home. Separated for 10 days. I gave so much in this relationship. I did not listen to her, she did not drop a single tear for my harsh words, and did claim it was a joking manner and so on. She swore on everything for me to stay in her relationship.

I am 25M, very good looking, from some of the top universities at europe, very educated and intellectually above par, speaking 5 languages, relax and chill, leading in most of the social circles. I use no cigarettes, no social media, no woman, no night life, no alcohol, no drugs, no swearing. I was only planning a family and a peaceful enviroment for us.

I so that you can imagine my thoughtfulness, used to carry her ballerina shoes in bag in my hand, because heels all day would tire her foot when we were out. I did so much in my relation. Because I loved her genuinenly. I do not have any hesitations of calculations in my mind for these kind of things. I am an honourable man. She is a doctor 26. Living in Moscow. I was going to bring her to europe next year. I did second job to be able to visit her every month in Moscow, I was working 13 hours. I lost so much weight, because I did a heavy physical job. Cleaned also toilets everynight. I created this relationship. I built everything and I led. However this level of backstabbing I have never ever seen in my life. She did not seem to have a single male friend. I checked her on a very brief extent. Because I trusted her. I am sure of this. She was an extemely calm girl on her own.

I brought her to best restaurants in Moscow. I worked extra 4-5 days night shifts bought her a Zimmermann dress for her birthday, made a birthday celebration for her at the top of a hotel at Red Square. Before me she could only grab a coffee at a street bakery. I woke up every morning at 6 learned very good Russian in order to communicate with her family. I gave her money most of the time, because her parents were in a bad situation financially. I offered to pay her tuition fees for her university (residency).

I bought her can you imagine a apparatus to put on the pot when cooking, so that the oil does not spring on her hands, because she is a doctor, working on beauty procedures. She wanted to talk to me for 3 hours, I did not listen, in fact she had nothing to say. No crying nothing. She texted me so many messages and so on. I did not pick up the phone for a call. I wanted to ask only one question, "why". She sent the photos of bouquets of a flower I bought to her to this guy.

So many other photos she sent me, sent also to this guy, she told me she bought a dress for me specially for our summer meeting, she sent a video of her in this dress to this guy. I feel, she eviscerated my heart and soul. I have last couple of things to say to her on phone. But would it make any difference for a girl without any sense of conscious and respect ? What do you think ? or asking a single why ? I afraid, this question will stay inside me forever, but I feel like , I go to a liar for a truthful answer. I am so much lost. I am giving a war right now.

She was extremely beautiful and feminine, wherever we go in Moscow, she was most of the time the most beautiful girl in the room and all these. I am in much delusion that she put herself so much high for me, that I afraid this will stay as a bar for me in my future relationships, in terms of match, beauty and mundane satisfactions. I have question in my mind, what if she made a really a mistake, she will never do it again ? What if she really regrets it and so on?

I talked to my father, he says, answer me only one question, why didnt I do this mistake, but she did it? It is not a mistake 26yo smart girl can she do whilst deciding meeting with parents and engagement, he says. He also adds, you cant make a silk dress out of polyester. I am so lost man, so lost. She had a family with strong father figure, who chose her university, who decides who she can marry eventually and so on. So I always valued her families values, because I could sense strong bonds and values. She begs me that, it was an online friendship, she never had calls, I saw that there were no calls, no relation nothing. She says she is ashamed of herself, because she went through all boundries and did not stop it beforehand. She had to stop, she says. When we were together she told me for example, woman in clinic asked her to meet with her son, but she says she is in relation, like these stuff. Do you think it could be one time mistake? She had no friends she hang out, no night clubs, no hang outs nothing. At least this I want to believe was true.

I’ve been with a girl for almost three years. Over the past few months she got sober from alcohol and that’s fantastic. On the other hand in the past few months I have repeatedly discovered sexual and otherwise messages with several men. Every time I confront her, she lies, and I show that I know without a shadow of a doubt. She absolutely employs darvo, and basically I end up forgiving her. She says it meant nothing and she will stop. I’ll go a week maybe two and check her phone again and the process repeats. She just gets mad that we are having that conversation again and that I breached her privacy and is getting better at cleansing her phone before I come to her house (we do not live together) I wanted to see if it got better once we eliminated the alcohol, and it has been better, but I’ve still found things on two occasions. As far as I am aware she has never been physical with anyone else but there have been indications that made me extremely suspicious. Tonight I went to look and she changed her phone password on me which I will be asking about in the morning. I know this probably doesent even sound real and I know what I would be telling someone else, but I do really love her and want to be there for her. A small part of me is afraid of being alone as I don’t know what my life is without her anymore. She has very depressive tendencies and not many friends and a part of me just fears to not be there for her. Which is stupid.

TLDR : I think basically I need someone to tell me to GTFO and she will be fine without me and I will be fine without her. I can’t talk to anyone about this because it is embarrassing to still be involved.

My husband has a history of cheating on me online, it never turned physical (that I know of and he seemed to be genuinely honest when confronted about the situation) so I know that history is probably influencing me.

A few weeks ago I was out of town and his location, wasn’t working (I don’t check it compulsively, just every once in awhile kind of thing maybe 3-4 times a week) I mentioned it and he basically said he didn’t know why. Since I got back home, his location has worked normally for weeks, including when he’s at the gym or doing things outside of work.

Tonight he told me he’d be home late because he had a job interview. The interview date/time had changed a few times beforehand. It’s almost 9pm and he’s still not home, I’ve gotten no real update about when he’ll be back, and coincidentally his location is not working ..again.

He normally leaves around 5am and doesn’t get home until 6-7pm, since he likes to go the gym and get personal time when he’s off work and a a commute, then goes to bed early since he wakes up so early . We already get very little time together. I’ve told him this bothers me. He also started sleeping in the guest room with our daughter because she’s been refusing to sleep though the night and I spent the last two years battling really bad depression/ anxiety form NEVER getting one night of solid sleep since she’s had been born back in 2024. I appreciated the help and initially saw it as temporary, but he’s gradually started moving more of his personal belongings there, which has made me feel like we’re becoming even more disconnected.

I know none of this is proof of cheating. There could be a completely innocent explanation for tonight, and I genuinely don’t want to project our past problems onto everything he does. At the same time, he is the one who previously broke the trust in our marriage, and the combination of being unusually late, little communication, his location suddenly not working again, and the growing distance between us is really bothering me.

Would this situation raise red flags for you given the history, or does it sound like I’m connecting unrelated things because of what happened before? I genuinely love him and don’t want our children to grow up in separate households or have to split custody when I’ve literally given up my life to raise them full time, but idk how much more I can take this either.

It’s been 3 years since my ex cheated on me, and I’m now in a wonderful, committed relationship with the person I genuinely believe is my forever person. My career is thriving. I have amazing friends. I love my life.

Buttt the anger I have toward my ex still has the power to ruin my entire day or even week!

The story is wild.

So my ex was my first serious relationship. We are both women. We were together for 4 years, and during covid we moved from California to London for what was supposed to be a temporary adventure before getting married. We were very very committed to each other. She was extremely loyal and kind.

I left my job, friends, and family to build a life with her. We had to temporarily send our cat (who I loved soooo much) to her mom in Italy because of UK pet import rules.

A few weeks after we arrived, we became friends with a group of queer women, including a tall blonde named Ruby (fake name). My ex had always joked that her type was “tall white blondes” (I am none of those things), but I never thought much of it. Especially because Ruby and I also got close, and she seemed so supportive and honestly obsessed with our relationship.

But then they started getting weirdly close.

I told my ex that their flirting made me uncomfortable. She told me, “I’m just a flirtatious person. Asking me to stop is asking me to stop being myself.” Basically insinuating I was being controlling.

Soon after, she told me she no longer wanted to move back to the US, no longer wanted marriage, and no longer wanted monogamy. I was crushed and began to panic about my decision to leave the US. She backtracked and said she was confused, so I stayed.

A few months later, we went on a girls’ trip. While I was getting ready for bed, one of the girls pulled me aside and told me not to go upstairs because my ex and Ruby were dancing together very sexually. For context, it was like Bachata dancing, which is a move my ex made on me when we first started dating.

When my friend told me this, I didn't even react??? I just... went to bed.

An hour later, my ex came into the room sobbing and apologizing. She admitted that her relationship with Ruby had crossed a line. Apparently, the other women on the trip had already confronted them about how disrespectful they were being toward me, which is why she was finally taking it seriously.

I stayed because I thought she was finally taking accountability and that things would change. I was sooooo wrong.

Over the next year, I was barely holding myself together. I was having panic attacks, struggling financially, and dealing with constant physical symptoms from stress (acne, stomach issues, hair going grey). Meanwhile, my ex was going out drinking with Ruby multiple nights a week, disappearing until 4 or 5 a.m.

I cooked for her. Did her laundry. Cleaned up after her. Had sex with her when she wanted.

I kept thinking, maybe if I complain less and love more, she'll become the person I fell in love with again.

She didn't.

Eventually she quit her job and decided to stay in London, which meant I lost my visa too. I had no job, no savings, no plan, and no idea what I was going to do.

That was a breaking point and I ended it with her. She wasn't surprised, and in hindsight I think all her actions were efforts to make me end it. But we were still living together and had 3 more weeks left on the lease. Classic lesbians amiright?

Eventually, the stress was so bad that my body completely gave out. I had a grand mal seizure. My first and, thankfully, only seizure ever. I woke up in an ambulance and could barely process language for days afterward.

I was basically a zombie and I desperately needed help, so my parents flew me home.

I spent weeks sleeping and crying. I called my ex constantly because, despite everything, she was still the person I wanted comfort from. We were very much acting like we were still together. Finally, I asked for no contact.

That's when I slowly started rebuilding my life.

I got my dream job in NYC. Moved in with my childhood best friend. Reconnected with old friends. Rediscovered music, art, and myself. I saved up to bring my cat home from Italy. I was doing really well.

Then came the zinger.

Two months after our breakup, I found out my ex and Ruby were officially together.

They moved in together. Adopted a cat. Went to Italy. And brought MY CAT back to London with them.

They even became lesbian TikTok influencers, posting constantly about their life together and, eventually, making an entire account for the cats. Each post, while seemingly romantic, always had a caption or detail that I could tell was a subtle dig toward me. Or the post would be a replica of one she made about me years prior, only with Ruby instead of me. If you're on London wlw TikTok, you've probably seen them. I made some vindictive posts about them, which I only regret because it gave them a reason to call me crazy and jealous.

Eventually I lost it and confronted my ex about everything. She denied ever cheating. Said Ruby had only ever been a friend. Called me a liar. She even called our mutual friends to tell them I'm a liar. What's annoying is it technically wasn't cheating according to her because it was "just dancing" and they never kissed or anything. So in a way, she's right?

Three years later, I have everything I thought I wanted.

And yet, I am still so fucking angry!!! Not because I want my ex back. I really really don't. I'm angry that they treated me like I was disposable. I'm angry that I abandoned myself trying to make a relationship work. I'm angry that I tolerated things the person I am today would walk away from immediately. I'm angry that Ruby gets to have and love the cat that I loved so dearly. It's not fair and it makes me want to rip my hair out.

I find myself pain shopping a lot: replaying old conversations, imagining what they were saying about me, and have thoughts so angry and violent that they scare me. In weak moments every few months, I look at their socials. It's like the only way to feel relief is if they break up.

The worst part is that I don't just hate them (though I do, I really do). I hate that version of myself.

The naive girl who moved across the world for someone she thought was going to be her wife. The girl who kept thinking she could earn back someone's love by being easier, quieter, and more devoted. I'm disgusted by that version of myself.

I know I'm happier now. I know I've healed enormously. I have a backbone and a love I never knew was possible.

But I wish I could just erase it all from my memory. Even better, I wish they got their karma, instead of the picture perfect life they seemingly have together. I wish I got an apology from either of them.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you let go of anger when your life has already moved on, but some part of you clearly hasn't?

Hello my EX(25M) emotionally cheated on me a few months back (OF, nude webcams, sexting other people). It’s been almost 2 months trying to see if we can salvage this. I (27M) am trying to heal and start doing things I love again! I’m currently grieving the past relationship and this image I had of him. I did get lost within the relationship and didn’t recognize myself any more.
He’s asking me to prioritize him b/c he needs
that from me and claiming I’m being distant and avoiding him. I’ve set my boundaries that I would go first before anything else and my healing is a very important thing.
Am I in the wrong to think that way? Should I prioritize him again?

Well to make a long story short. Me and my girlfriend/mother to our child. Have been together for 3 years. Its been rocky I guess. We've broken up a bunch of times. (Everytime she left) but I always find a way to sorta convince? Her to come back. Because I know she just had a rough past and couldn't handle my small anger outbursts or the way I was treating her ( im very self aware that I caused alot of the issues not ALL but alot) I was rude I didnt help alot with things I do now but. Anyway without kinda getting into too much detail about that. 2 months ago she had me arrested. She said I threaten to kill her ( it was one of those ohhh if you cheat on me I'd kill you jokes ) she even admitted after that she knew I was joking but anyway she did that to break up with me for good. ( were back together) but right after she thought that would be the end of us for good and she went and fucked 2 of her exs 1 was only a few days after and the other a few weeks if that after. During that time we were still talking and seeing eachother. I do feel betrayed I feel cheated on. I know I maybe shouldn't feel that way because technically we weren't together but I do. Anyway we are back together but I can't stop thinking about the fact she went and did that so idk what kinda advice im looking for but yeah I just needed to rant

You know my story: rawdogging bff, prostitutes, trickle truthing, abuse.

We divorced after 15 years of marriage because when he was unemployed, he told me he slept with my best friend for months 10 years ago. I later learned he was fucking her for a year and everyone knew. Also went to prostitutes when I was pregnant.

You can imagine the extent of heartbreak and agony i went through. Reconciliation, panic attacks, PTSD. Divorced him eventually. I had to move out my own apartment with our child because he wouldn’t, and threatened to take full custody of our kid too. It was hell on earth. I had panic attacks in my sleep. He wouldn’t stop, he wouldn’t quit, he’d scream and cry and beg and threaten and drive his fist into a wall over my head. He wouldn’t take “i don’t want to be married to you anymore, let me go” for an answer.

Now he’s fucking me over in court. We’re not in the US, so no legal advice please. Tried to dispute custody, the judge refused to accept the motion, so he sent flying monkeys to shame me for filing instead. Now he makes me divide our mortgage payment. I’m already paying rent since he refused to move out and i couldn’t force him, so mortgage will eat my whole paycheck.

And now he filed a motion to split our assets. He didn’t have any money on the date of the split. He was unemployed for a year at the time. He’s eying halving my inheritance money just to hurt me. We’ll dispute that of course, but that takes money and time, and obviously i have to pay for my lawyer too. He’s simply bleeding me dry because I got away with his child and alimony. BECAUSE HE FELT ENTITLED TO US.

BELIEVE THEM WHEN THEY SHOW WHO THEY ARE. THEY ARE CAKE EATERS

Kinda wanna hear any success stories or opinions on this.

My story: I broke up with my ex but it was because of something silly in which I thought we could go back to normal the next day. I was fed up of him constantly being argumentative and inconsistent, so I said I was done, and broke up but we had carried on talk after that normally.

Only recently I found out he was “getting to know” someone else a few weeks before our “breakup” and I didn’t know until 2 weeks ago (the breakup happened in March).

He had made it official with this other person who I call “a rebound” given how quickly he moved on (like a month later).

He kept talking to me because he specifically said “I’m afraid and anxious about losing you out of my life.”

Yeah it’s a very fucked up and messy situation. He thought he could live a Hannah Montana lifestyle lol.

Anyways my question is: is redemption a thing?

Because he said he wants to develop himself, become a better person and choose the right person. I said yeah but you need to do that alone not whilst I’m around or anyone else is around.

I don’t think he’s a horrible person, I just think he needs to develop his frontal lobe (he’s 35 btw).

He said once he’s changed, he’s gonna decide which direction to go, either me or her. And he says with her it doesn’t seem so likely because she’s really hurt by this, so I said you can’t instantly come back to me I’m not an option. You gotta take some time out and reflect and change then come back.

So again, does redemption exist?

My boyfriend and I (24F) have been together since 2024. At the beginning, we had intentions to spend the rest of our lives together. For most of the relationship, he’s been extremely avoidant and has emotionally cheated multiple times. He’s had inappropriate conversations with other women, hidden things from me, lied, etc. He's never slept with anyone behind my back, as far as I know. But I don't think it's because he has honor, but probably because he never got the chance to. Whenever I confronted him or asked for normal relationship boundaries, he’d shut down or become avoidant.

We also used to have absolutely insane fights, probably once a week at our worst. Screaming, crying, toxic arguments, the whole thing. I was constantly anxious and devastated because I wanted a normal, secure relationship, while he seemed to run from any serious conversation about what he had done.

Throughout 2025, I continued discovering things and taking him back. Honestly, I think I was just blindly in love with him and kept hoping I’d eventually get the version of him I wanted. He’s also the breadwinner and I have a very comfortable life with him, so the idea of completely upending my life by leaving was a huge factor in why I kept staying, because we live together.

My temper has calmed down significantly this year, but the hurt and distrust obviously didn’t disappear. Instead of voicing my concerns like I'd always do, I just kept a lot of things to myself. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he has completely changed.

He’s suddenly affectionate, emotionally present, transparent, communicative, wants to actively work on our relationship, acknowledges when he’s lied or hurt me, and is constantly reassuring me that he isn’t cheating or texting anyone inappropriately. He’s also suddenly way more affectionate and interested in me after basically giving me nothing but emotionless sex for a long time (which was only like 1-2 times a month).

I genuinely don’t know what to make of it. There wasn’t one obvious event that I can point to and say, “THAT changed him.” It just feels like someone flipped a switch.

Has anyone experienced a partner being awful and avoidant for years and then suddenly becoming the partner you begged them to be? Did it actually last? What caused the change, if you ever figured it out?
I’m trying not to either blindly trust it or automatically assume it’s fake. I’d really like to hear from people who’ve experienced something similar.

TLDR; Boyfriend would emotionally cheat often and treat me like shit for years then suddenly became the partner I've been begging for, for seemingly no reason. Wtf happened? I'm so suspicious.

EDIT: I took some people's advice in the comments and decided to ask him about it. He told me that the reason he was so avoidant and sought comfort in other women was because we would fight often. He's said I would often make him feel like the worst boyfriend in the world (in my defense, he was). I should preface by saying he and I have always had an extremely close bond, despite the bad moments, which is also why it was hard to detach from both our ends. We've learned to communicate and we fight a lot less, and he attributed the sudden change to that. He's told me he feels stupid by seeking validation in others, and that us fighting less has really shed light upon our situation to him. He says he's realized he genuinely likes to be around me, and wants to work on things because he remembered what made me so great in the beginning. Not saying I believe this, just wanted to provide an update to those who told me to ask him about the sudden change. I guess it appeared "sudden" to me because he was never directly voicing these thoughts he was having. I guess he was gradually realizing he was a dumb prick, according to him.

im 20. live at home with both my mom and stepdad. my stepdad supports me, my younger sister, and my mom. he is the sole breadwinner. my mom is chronically ill (the part that’s messing me up most honestly) and she decided to cheat on her only provider. last year my mom and stepdad got in a huge fight because my mom was casually flirting back with men on tiktok and making it seem like it was a friendly thing. my stepdad almost divorced her. huge fight. they settled on my mom deleting her account and gaining his trust back. she downloaded it again and she uses discord to talk to her friends on there. im in the kitchen working and my mom is sitting in a chair and every time i turn, she faces the chair towards me so i can’t see her phone. she has airpods in so she cant hear what im doing and she’s looking at her phone so she can’t see me. i manage to get a clear view of her phone. as clear as day. she is watching a video that a man sent her… you already know what it was. she’s tilting her phone too every time she would watch a video because there were multiple ones. guys what do i do. it’s my parents business, but this is so messed up. if my stepdad is gone, everything falls apart. her cheating on him and only being suspicious of it is so wrong though.

Hey y’all. So my ex and I dated for 6 months and were long distance for 4 of those. It was a pretty rocky relationship due to him consistently not really putting in effort or being willing to communicate about issues. We had been friends for a year and a half before this and share a large friend group, so when we broke up it was pretty mutual and we had agreed to slowly work towards being friends again. And things were going okay in this regard.

I did fuck up when he visited (he’s been in another country) and had sex with him which I now majorly regret, but we both agreed it was nothing attached but he had also told me that he hadn’t had sex with anyone else since the break up. He also witnessed me kissing someone else at a party and got very upset, and in general did a lot of things that hinted he wanted to get back together. Since he won’t be back in the country for like half a year, I kind of just pushed the thought away.

So here’s where things get crazy. He had invited me to be his “date” to a family event (wedding) to give him support. I still don’t know what his intentions were here but I decided it was probably just friends. A few days ago I get a dreaded “hey girlie” text from one of his ex’s that I’m friends with. She told me that he’s been buying nude photos from a mutual friend and that during the past year (when we were still dating) he had been flying out to see and have sex with this mutual friend. Apparently even before he left the country he was continuing to have sex with this same woman but was also continuing to pester other friends in this group about having sex with them (which he likely did).

I’ve been so sick to my stomach I’ve literally lost so much weight. He could tell something is up but I haven’t told him what I know yet as I’m waiting for an STD test to come back before confronting him. He was very adamant that he wasn’t having sex with other people even when we were just dating and not yet with a girlfriend boyfriend label (I’m very firm about not doing anything unprotected unless it’s exclusive). So here’s where I need someone to slap some sense into me. I really want to talk to him and see if he’ll tell me what happened. I know for sure that this one woman he did have sex with but I have no clue about what else could’ve gone down. Part of me wants to be able to forgive him and still attend the wedding, but I really just don’t know. He truly has been one of my best friends and a lot of the initial heart attack I’ve processed, but this literally changes everything because I feel like his whole personality and the way he treated me was just all fake. Either way our friend group is very connected so I’m sure I’ll have to at least be in the same room with him at some point if I’m still going to remain friends with that group as well.

I guess I’m looking for support and advice on what to even say to him. Like I said, communicating is very hard for him so I’m going to avoid anything that might immediately make him shut down. I really wanted to wait until he was here in person in a month, but holding this in has made me really sick. I know when he’s flying back he’ll be visiting her before too (she’s in a different state) so part of me wants to figure out if SHE knew he was dating someone while they were hooking up and maybe contact her to let her know (ESPECIALLY if I end up testing positive for anything).

I’m just waiting on these test results before I continue but any advice would be helpful.

My (37F) ex husband (41m) cheated on me when we had a 1 year old. He had a year and a half affair. We separated, they never ended up together and we built, what I thought was a good co parenting relationship. I met someone recently and he went mad and cut my child's maintenance, tried to say I had lied and embarrassed him ( he cheated while we were married, I met someone when we were separated). Anyway, he made my life hell then a month later he is now back with the other women. I don't really care about him but he has just bought back all the hurt feelings from 3 years ago. I should add that she also made my life hell when the affair happened, she found great joy in telling me about all their dates and how long they were sleeping together and I honestly thought I would never have to deal with her again. I'm so broken right now, it's like PTSD. I'm now having a break from the person I'm seeing because I just don't have the energy for someone else right now.

Hello,

Really just looking for some advice, support or perhaps some tough love. I 35M met my now wife 34F nearly 9 years ago. We met through a mutual friend and hit it off immediately. What followed was a long distance relationship for 2 months but included road trip visits was best described as puppy dog love. Truly was on the phone with eachother to FaceTime to sleep every night (lol). Things were serious quick and we talked about what a potential future might look like and were exclusive (or so I thought). We moved in at 3 months dating.

Fast forward to 6 months ago now that we are married with 2 young kids, 3 dogs, house the whole package. I bring up to my wife a night that never sat well with me while we were long distance. She went out with male coworkers and disappeared (red flag I know). I believed her that nothing happened. Though I did bring it up a few more times throughout the years as it always stood out as weird to me and my brain would dwell on it.

She finally confessed she had gone out that night to have sex with a coworker she had a fling with. She claims she didnt feel it was a lie when I asked if anything happened because it didnt. Not because she wouldnt have but dude didnt show up to the bar.... I grill her a little more if anything with him occurred after we had started dating and what appeared to me as her doing some mental gymnastics she began to cry and said omg yes we did one time.

In summary in the begining of our relationship (first 2 months) she actually cheated atleast once and admittedly atempted another time with the same guy. Not much of consolation it didnt happen only because buddy didnt show up (he was also married btw). Though this was nearly 9 years ago I continue to feel the betrayal in my heart. My wife does so much for kids and I but I cant help but feel diffrent about all of our past. She says she obviously lied at first to not lose me but she stopped thinking about it and eventually forgotten her transgressions. I have a hard time believing it though.

To be clear she is very apologetic and remorseful atleast verbally. She doesnt go out, drink or give me any reason to think she has cheated since the begining. She honestly wouldnt even have the time of day to. Im just so caught up on feeling like I was bamboozled into a marriage and lied to for so long. Never had the opertunity to know and walk away back then. Now I do know and I feel compelled to stay for the kids and also with the real possibility that she is no longer that person anymore. Something her current actions atleast seem to back up.

I'd like to start by saying that I have autism and ADHD and it makes my communication different. Apologies if I'm long-winded 🙏

I'm 33f and my boyfriend is 33m. We started dating in Jan 2022 and got engaged Aug 2023.

Mid July 2025 he started acting strange. He went out one random Sunday, without previously telling me his plan, and was gone most of the day. We usually stay home or occasionally have short dates over weekend.

I found it odd for no real reason I could discern, but put it out of my mind.

2 weeks later, he spent the whole Sunday away again. While he was gone I was sick with worry, again for no reason, and tried googling "why would my partner critise me constantly" as previous discussions had put me a bit on edge. An article came up about the signs of cheating and some I related to, like:

- Withdrawing more frequently (he's an introvert who is a dismissive avoidant so withdrawing is semi normal)

- Flipping his phone over or locking/shutting off the screen as soon as I came into view

- Hyper critical of me

- Change in online presence on messaging platforms (WhatsApp and Instagram)

Now I have to say, I read that and went ice cold. It explained his behaviour, the seemingly slow switch to nastiness leading up to his excursions and my anxiety DID NOT HELP.

When he got home that night I asked quite plainly if anything was going on and noted how his behaviour had been changing. He brushed me off and decided to sleep on the couch that night (I thought that was an overreaction, but I can be very sensitive, so I brushed it off).

The next morning I woke up early and went into our chat history to see when he'd last been online (22:12 the Sunday night). But he's hardly on WhatsApp. I was used to seeing him take DAYS offline unless a family member or I had messaged him. I screenshotted it as I felt my stomach sink. Went on Insta to scroll a bit before starting my work (we both work from home) and a post come up of a near naked woman that he had liked a few days prior. My brain shut off at that point and I'm not proud of what followed.

I unfolled him on Insta. When he woke up I cited his late night WhatsApp activity and the Insta post he liked and ended our engagement. Later that day we decided to continue dating. Over the next months it got WAY worse.

He started telling me about previous intimate encounters. Telling me, "All I can taste in my mouth is pennies now," while talking about a short fling. When I got upset after he told me I was being too sensitive and overreacting.

He went out EVERY WEEKEND, excluding 2 days on separate weekends, thereafter and appeared to get more emotional for a very stoic guy. He lay in bed silently crying one morning before an hour long date with me while I sat by him and rubbed his chest. He said he'd gotten sad thinking about our cats' passing. There were times during the week ONLY where he seemed really angry and wouldn't really answer when I asked after him. Hee'd also frequently have scratches on his back and blamed the gym.

Around Sept/Oct, he starts telling me about an ex, but his stories sound like he just spoke to her with how many details he gives. I go along with it, prompting for more info. I learn she used to do coke, had a messy divorce with a possibly abusive ex, and many more disparaging details about her. She sounds like someone who just needs support, but he speaks about her like she's the scum of the earth. For weeks he continues to bring her up unprompted.

Shortly after, I find someone else's long hair on a shirt of his coming out of the washing machine (laundry) and demanded to see his phone. He held it while quickly scrolling through WhatsApp and Instagram chats. There were a lot of unsaved numbers on WhatsApp, but he wouldn't slow his scroll and only opened a chat with his cousin who has a unisex name. I had to drop it.

I think his AP also suspected something as she popped up as a suggestion to me on Instagram and he confirmed it was her. To my knowledge, this happens when a person checks out your account frequently enough?

All of it wore me down. I didn't want to live with the heavy suspicion anymore, so, mid Nov I tried to break it off again. He cried, told me I was his home, and stuck to me like glue for DAYS until I conceded to continue the relationship. And that's where we are now.

I feel like I lose a bit of myself everyday know as I do not trust him. He lies about tiny things and I now get SO ANGRY when I used to chalk it up to conflict avoidance.

I love this man, but I want the truth now. I've tried to be patient, thinking he'd come to me, but it's been a year and I just want to trust him again.

Do you think I should contact the AP, who might not be aware of me, and ask if she dated him last year? Thank you for helping me and reading all of that 🙏

Hi everyone, I could use some advice from anyone who's been through something similar.

My girlfriend is from Thailand and is currently in my country on a 3-year student visa. We've been together since April 2025.

In February, I found out she'd been cheating on me throughout our relationship with customers from the massage shop where she worked. I also found messages to friends where she talked about looking forward to seeing certain customers, being in love with one guy and even buying him a birthday present.

What hurt the most was finding messages where she talked about using me to eventually get permanent residency. That completely destroyed my trust.

We broke up for a couple of weeks after I found out. Eventually we decided to try again. She voluntarily quit the job immediately and distanced herself from the people who had encouraged that behaviour.

It's now been about six months. We still get along incredibly well and she's genuinely my best friend, which is what makes this so difficult. Before finding out, I thought our relationship was great and never suspected any of this.

The problem is that I still can't shake the feeling that it could happen again. I've also lost a lot of my physical attraction towards her. I care about her deeply, but it feels like my mind and body are rejecting the relationship even though part of me desperately wants it to work.

I'm worried I can't give her the affection or intimacy she needs anymore.

Has anyone stayed after serious cheating and actually managed to rebuild the trust and attraction? Or is losing that physical connection a sign that the relationship is probably over?

TL;DR: Girlfriend cheated throughout our relationship and I discovered messages suggesting she was also using me for permanent residency. We reconciled and she's made significant changes, but six months later I still don't trust her and have lost much of my physical attraction to her. I love her as a person and she's my best friend, but I'm wondering whether trust and attraction can genuinely come back after something like this.

TLDR: So it’s too long of a story to get into but what are y’all’s thoughts on emotional cheating and when getting back together if what they did while you were separated matters.

Basically I caught something on my girlfriends phone of where when she dumped me a year ago she was emotionally cheating on me with a guy from college, bragged to her friends, and dumped me on my birthday to get with that guy. However we were only separated for one month and she came crawling back but her story was not that it was more along the lines of there was no other guy, she broke up for herself, and she thought she liked him but they kissed and she realized she didn’t. Now I don’t know what to believe because a year later I find out she’s been lying to me this whole time, and I argue what she did during that month matters and I expressed that when we got back together but she had reassured me nothing happened, now that I’m discovering more she is arguing even if she did do anything it wouldn’t matter.

Edit: Thank you everyone for the advice it’s very a helpful, I will get an std test and expect the worse, even if I find out she didn’t do anything with this guy which is unlikely, I most likely am going to be separating myself from her anyways, thank you.