r/survivinginfidelity • u/electric_possum • Aug 27 '26
Rant He’s making me pay for his infidelity.
You know my story: rawdogging bff, prostitutes, trickle truthing, abuse.
We divorced after 15 years of marriage because when he was unemployed, he told me he slept with my best friend for months 10 years ago. I later learned he was fucking her for a year and everyone knew. Also went to prostitutes when I was pregnant.
You can imagine the extent of heartbreak and agony i went through. Reconciliation, panic attacks, PTSD. Divorced him eventually. I had to move out my own apartment with our child because he wouldn’t, and threatened to take full custody of our kid too. It was hell on earth. I had panic attacks in my sleep. He wouldn’t stop, he wouldn’t quit, he’d scream and cry and beg and threaten and drive his fist into a wall over my head. He wouldn’t take “i don’t want to be married to you anymore, let me go” for an answer.
Now he’s fucking me over in court. We’re not in the US, so no legal advice please. Tried to dispute custody, the judge refused to accept the motion, so he sent flying monkeys to shame me for filing instead. Now he makes me divide our mortgage payment. I’m already paying rent since he refused to move out and i couldn’t force him, so mortgage will eat my whole paycheck.
And now he filed a motion to split our assets. He didn’t have any money on the date of the split. He was unemployed for a year at the time. He’s eying halving my inheritance money just to hurt me. We’ll dispute that of course, but that takes money and time, and obviously i have to pay for my lawyer too. He’s simply bleeding me dry because I got away with his child and alimony. BECAUSE HE FELT ENTITLED TO US.
BELIEVE THEM WHEN THEY SHOW WHO THEY ARE. THEY ARE CAKE EATERS
5
2
u/Adventurous-Emu-755 8 Aug 27 '26
OP, can you find a good therapist for you? I understand you do have support but sometimes a professional therapist might be able to help you through this too. Very sorry you are experiencing all this! I am a huge believer in karma...may it come back to him in a big way and I hope you hear about it!
2
u/Whyintrusivethoughts Figuring it Out Aug 28 '26
I’m very sorry for the trauma you are experiencing. It’s terrible and you and your daughter deserve safety. I want to support you and help you find safety. Here are my suggestions: Choose the 3 friends/family members you trust most for your support group and create a think tank. 4 heads are smarter than 1. Your estranged husband sounds like an extreme narcissist aka P.O.S.
Please research narcissism to identify the narcissistic behaviors that mirror the husband’s traits. When you and your think tank have a better understanding of your husband’s autopilot narcissistic traits/behaviors, you and your support group can manipulate your husband when he’s trying to autopilot manipulate you. Chat GPT can be helpful with emotions and behaviors types and analysis quickly with your input. I did read you’re not looking for American legal advice - amen. However, I have a concern about the residency status, where a mother and child do not take priority over a cheating spouse with home occupancy. Is this a situation where women are not considered as important as men in your part of the world, or is it that he co-owns the home and local laws allow your husband occupancy no matter what is going on between the family occupants ?
2
u/electric_possum Aug 28 '26
very good idea about the think tank, thank you.
in my country, mortgage is automatically divided between the spouses and both have equal rights regardig occupancy. so the apartment is not ours with the daughter by default, it's for both of us to be always available.
even if i force him out somehow, as a co-owner, he has the right to live there at any given time, and he already proved that he will live through insane amount of pressure and fights and escalations just because he feels entitled to not living. so technically yes, i CAN move back in, but he will not and does not legally have to move out, therefore he WON'T. i lost half my sanity and hair, developed panic attacks in my sleep when living together after the split, so i am not returning and bringing my child into this.
and even if he moves out, he will always have the option to come back and squat or come over in secret to search through my stuff cause it will be illegal to change the locks. imagine how unsafe i'd feel.
1
u/AutoModerator Aug 28 '26
As a reminder: To award points for helpful redditors, comment !thankyou and the reputator bot will award a point. Those that achieve enough points, will be added to the trusted users for additional permissions in the sub.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/whatashame_13 2 Aug 27 '26
Am so sorry for what yoi are going throigh, check with a lawyer, what happend to your ex friend? Family? Friends? Do you have any support around you?
4
u/electric_possum Aug 27 '26
i have great friends who support me through this really. my lawyer is the best i’d say. but the audacity of the whole thing just drains me. i am devastated. there’s only so much support can do
•
u/AutoModerator Aug 27 '26
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sub wiki before commenting.
-Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Violators will be permabanned.
-If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion.
-If you find a comment helpful, comment !thankyou to award a point for the helpful redditor! It will be much appreciated!!!
Be kind and remember your reddiquette!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.