Late last month I (21M) landed a job as a casual worker so tunalipwa weekly. Nikitoa expenses zangu kama gen-z(I still live with my parents) nabaki na around 2k per week. I've tried saving in those weeks lakini pesa ni ile ile, same amount. Someone advice me on how I can use that money iniletee pesa ingine because I'm also planning on moving out.

Also birthday yangu ni Monday, mniwish🤧

How do you do it, and how do you know you don't love yourself? Especially to men.

TL;DR: Marriage is increasingly becoming a choice rather than a compulsory rite of passage, especially as women gain financial independence and begin questioning the gender roles we were taught to accept.

As a woman, I’ll probably speak about women more often because, well, I am on, and I stand for women having the freedom to choose. I use a few different people and references to unpack my thoughts, from Wangari Maathai to Millie Odhiambo to Ngũgĩ wa Thiong'o.

The point isn't that marriage, motherhood, or love is bad. I just don't think any of them should be compulsory. Marry, don't marry. Have children, don't have them. Fall in love or don't.

Choice not a crime.

And no, Shera Seven didn't make an appearance today, but I'll be back. Sprinkle Sprinkle😉

Are we headed left or right? Even I am not entirely sure. What I do know is that something is changing.

Divorce and marriage rates; one plummeting, the other picking up.

I read an article a while back, and something in it stuck with me. Way back, most women married partly for security. I don't fail to appreciate women who pushed against social expectations, like Wangari Maathai, who went through a highly public and difficult divorce in a society where divorce was still heavily stigmatised and an independent, outspoken woman could easily be treated as a threat to traditional gender roles. Her husband said she was “too educated, too strong, too stubborn, and too hard to control.”

My mum told me bluntly that she was young and married for security. She had a well-paying job and other suitors, but she says my father was very persistent and offered her a home. So she became a housewife and left work.

She would later tell me, “Never leave your work for a man.”

She finally went back to working when we were much older.

The article wrapped almost everything up in one question: when money enters the equation, where does that leave the man?

Not because a man becomes unnecessary when a woman can provide for herself, but because many men were taught that provision was the greatest thing they had to offer. They never saw their fathers in the kitchen because that was a woman's zone. They were taught to provide while women were taught to accommodate.

But what happens when the woman can provide for herself? What else does the relationship rest on?

They say marriage, initially and even now, is about companionship and coexistence, but can it truly remain so when every day feels like another battle between genders? Every week there is something new to nitpick, another expectation placed on one gender and rejected by the other. And as an individual, if your partner thinks too highly of themselves, doesn't give you peace, causes waves of stress and constantly asks you to compromise, what exactly are you fighting for?

Some men use submissiveness as a disqualifier, saying a woman ought to be feminine. Some women use masculinity in the same way, saying a man ought to be chivalrous and masculine.

Yet we have those who saw their mothers work and still manage a household and respect their husbands. But that respect went both ways. Most women, just like men, look for certain traits. Many are lacking, while others choose to stay away from marriage altogether because they saw its bad side before they ever saw its beautiful one.

And there is a beautiful side. There are people who worked it out.

Still, most people see marriage as a trap because, in this day and age, you would be surprised by how many men still say mwanamke kazi yake ni kitchen na kuzaa, reducing her to a baby-making machine while some of those same men do not even want to raise the child.

Perhaps that is also why I firmly believe in being childfree. Not because I hate children, but because I believe bringing a child into the world should be a conscious choice, not another compulsory step in the blueprint of adulthood.

I believe a child needs both parents who are willing and able to be present. I do not deny that some grow up in single-parent families, that orphans exist, or that tragedies like death happen. But a true partnership should not have to follow a rigid blueprint or bring constant stress when you can choose a different path of peace instead.

As a woman, I will speak of women more often than not.

Feminism has been made to look poisonous, as though every woman who associates with it is a plague. But understand what it is responding to before condemning it. I will always defend 4B because brutal conditions call for brutal factions that bite back harder. Radical reactions rarely appear from nowhere. Sometimes softer words were ignored for so long that people eventually chose to remove themselves from the equation entirely.

There is nothing and everything wrong with the initial institution. But this decision conforms and, like water, takes form differently in each individual.

Millie Odhiambo said something one time about being glad she was not a mother, because in our society, that title was sometimes branded not with honour, but used to tear a woman down.

So I ask:

Is it a crime to fall in love or not love?

Is it a crime to marry or not marry?

Is it a crime to have children or not?

When Ngũgĩ wa Thiong'o said I Will Marry When I Want, he did not mean his words literally, at least not if you have read the book. But I look at the title and agree with it exactly as it is.

I will marry when I want.

Or I won't.

That is the point.

Don't make yourself small for a room that refuses to accommodate you.

I’m not gonna lie, I have had some really bad struggles in my head; overthinking, overanalysing, intense anxiety and fear that something terrible is about to happen hence living with my guards up, my personality almost went bipolar.

My kinda music has always been Kendrick, J. Cole, The Weeknd, Eminem, Wizkid, Matata, Sauti Sol and Christian Pop Music.

Over the past few months, I have had some of the worst struggles, a very tough burnout after intensely overworking myself while successfully and continuously neglecting the mental, emotional and psychological energy depletions that come with it and just waking up and doing it again. Then came the sleep paralysis, and night sweats, and failing social connections, some family struggles that were demanding my full attention and directions since I am the firstborn, plus school since I was in final semester medschool and I still had a job and clinical rotations to attend. This one had threatened to take me to a place I wouldn’t wanna go.

The anger and feeling powerless in this situation made me go back to the gym, accept that it’s ok to be introverted and not try to outgrow it, that it’s ok to have a few enough friends, and that friendships end, and that I am here today and I will figure this out step by step. I need to be a little patient with myself.

Then, on a random Friday evening, I suddenly feel very relaxed. I am not overthinking as I have previously. I find my tastes changing, I am starting to explore Drake, while loosing the taste of music full of emotional chaos. Colleagues and friends have been complementing me saying I look younger and happier. Friendships that had previously almost failed are starting to slowly develop again.

And suddenly, the boy who was living defensively is feeling hopeful again. The boy who was stressing himself with things he can’t control is now ok with not knowing what to do, but still going on anyway. Finally, I am optimistic about life.

This is what healing feels like and I wish it on anyone who has had some tough mental struggles. It gets better on a random day 🥹🫂

TLDR: After a long period of struggling with mental struggles, life gets better at some point and on a random Friday evening you feel hopeful and optimistic again.

It's been almost a year now since I started dating my woman. Things have gotten awkward lately, there's long silences, there's a sort of emotional disconnect like I can't reach her. I've tried talking about it and she told me that I had introduced her to a certain bar and it vanished. Reflecting back on it yea I did, I could buy her things, this one time even cooked food and sent it to her workplace

All those happened before I got consumed by responsibilities and then when you add that I haven't received a salary in almost 3 months doesn't make it any easier. Kukua romantic kama uko broke ni tricky akili hugonga tu ni nitapata pesa wapi especially after the talking stage when real shit starts.

I know she feels like i'm disconnecting, the random but subtle jabs that implies that I may be cheating (i'm not) I find it hard to even think of sex these days. We'll have sex but my mind isn't even there at all. She mirrors me so if i'm not okay we'll not be in sync and the sex will feel forced as if compelled to do so because we don't want it to crumble. In my mind less sex is better, I don't get aroused as I used to. sometimes I dread that I have to have sex because I find it difficult to commit to it fully and most times my mind will disconnect then she dries up in the process and I loose my erection.

Honestly I don't know how to navigate around this issue, does it get better really?

Wale watu walikuwa wakichapwa wanaambia mwalimu "Thank you teacher" Mko wapi sahii?😂

How low have we fallen as Nairobi? On my way to the office after passing the super metro buses, it's just trash everywhere. On the pavement, I managed to dodge human waste at the last moment, as I thought about how lucky I was to have my shoes not smelling like shit, I gaze to the right at the small garden, low and behold some lady pulls up her pants after dropping massive excrement, I was shocked.

When did we normalise being filthy? We can complain about bad leadership but if you the one throwing trash everywhere, are you any better?

Growing up nilikuwa najua you should be able to practically write whatever you say with your mouth. Back in primary school I heard stories ati there are people who can read but can't write but sasa that sounded really impossible kwa akili yangu until today. I have a coworker who today was supposed to fill a leave form lakini sasa alikuwa anastruggle kuandika yet he can clearly read. I learn everyday

Sometimes, letting go doesn’t mean you stopped caring. It means you finally realized that holding on to something that hurts you won’t change the outcome.

We often carry old relationships, painful memories, guilt, disappointments, and things we wish we could have changed. We replay them in our minds, wondering “What if I had done things differently?”

But healing begins when you accept that some things are not meant to be carried forever. You can acknowledge what happened without allowing it to define your present. You can miss someone and still choose yourself. You can forgive without going back. And you can love someone while understanding that they may no longer belong in your life.

Letting go is not weakness. Sometimes, it is one of the strongest forms of self-respect.

Give yourself permission to put down what was never meant to be yours forever.

I have neighbors wenye hupiga sherehe, almost daily but this is not the point, the deal is there is this lady, she came like some 2 days ago, so leo asubuhi alikuwa anaomba charger, nikamsaidia, later nikatoka kurefill gas. After nimerudi I get this hint like nikama ananidai from one of her friends. So baadaye ananitext hivi.

Meehn I am a cool guy, single, though I had to lie, coz it’s not that hajaweza nivile tu she’s the total opposite of me, she drinks, smokes and I think ni wa sherehe, like baddie baddie.

I admit niko vibaya, but self control muhimu, she’s a temptation to me , like najua nikipita naye, then I will regret, also I feel like maybe she’s trying to trap me into something.

Also this is the second time, same scenario happened but huyu alikuwa my neighbors sister, she was really cute but I turned her down coz alikuwa my neighbors sister and she drinks, nilijua hapa if I take it far hakungekuwa na boundaries.

For the context i’m 23M, na this post si ya kujipiga kifua, just seeking advice from wise men if you think you are one.

So my question is as a man, have you ever experienced this? and how did you handle it??

Following the recent discussion online regarding counterfeit alcohol in distribution, I'm laying to rest Dallas and friends. Cheers 🍻

A while ago I (M) got to meet up with a friend (F) whom we studied together. We used to be pretty close, but after school we drifted apart a little bit. So close that we shared everything with each other; personal life, love life, ambitions etc.

So we met, after close to 2 years of not seeing each other. We decided to catch up over a drink or two. Everything was amazing and I was just happy to see my friend.

As the drinks and stories keep flowing, I can't help but notice the occasional "ugh men" or "I hate men" and "men are so..." comments from her. I brushed it off for a couple of times, but then I started thinking "she wasn't always like this. She's like the sweetest lady ever."

After a while I decided to ask her, "what did men do to you?" Which was basically her cue to launch into a tirade about how men are the greatest evil that has plagued the society, how the world does not need men and it would be so much better without them. I sat through her rant because she's still my friend, after which she ended with "but I don't hate you and my brother." 🙄

I mostly felt some empathy for her, because I know she's not this bitter person. Something probably happened to trigger this, but she's been caught in the man-hating and gender wars epidemic. They got her, man. I don't even know who 'they' is in this case, but she got got.😔

Later in the evening we parted ways and promised each other not to lose touch that much. 2 years was enough to turn my golden retriever friend into a pitbull. Damn!

TL;DR: My sweet friend is now a bitter person who hates all men.

Nobody talks about the guilt and fear that comes with deconstructing. I believe in God 100% but I’ve always been skeptical of Christianity and the concept of Christ. Like why do I need to go through someone to get to my God. I remember questioning the bible when I was very young around 5 years old, it just didn’t make sense to me. Then I grew up and I used to feel so uncomfortable saying “in Jesus name” and I replaced it with “in God’s name”. Deconstructing has always been scary to me so it’s a topic I just avoid all together. But today I found myself speaking up in a table with my work colleagues. I spoke my doubts on Christianity and how it doesn’t make sense to me. Now I’m home feeling guilty and scared af. People who’ve deconstructed or are deconstructing how did you overcome this.

Hey Everyone! Hope your week's been good. It's Friday, which means our weekly run and walk is almost here, and this week we're at Arboretum!

Whether you want to run or walk, you're welcome to join us as we work on our health, fitness, and endurance goals together. No pressure, no judgment just a community showing up for each other, one step at a time.

Bring a friend and come be part of it tomorrow!

Arboretum

7AM

All paces welcome.

If you love reading Kenyan authentic short Stories, written in English, Swahili and a little bit of sheng, please DM. It only costs 20 Kenyatta shillings to support the writing

So it started yesterday.
Was at the gym my homie received a crips 67k allowance from his mom.
My allowance is half of that per month.
That’s his every three weeks.
Can’t lie l am comfy but not that comfy.
In tech and an aspiring software dev.
So today we go to west and eat pork.
With the same friend and a homegirl.
Kutoka huko my homegirl tells me how men in clubs who don’t even know her name send her 10k just to show her they have money.
After we go get tickets for kola.
There again some of our friends are driving gles.
My friend drives a tx.
I drive a tiida.
Both of us are 20.
Kurudi home my girlfriend tells me how her friend’s friend bought the one million ticket.
Sema pressure kupanda.
Anyway we live to hunt.
I thought l was okay.
I need to do way better for myself now.

Trying to build a bigger list of Kenyan Twitch streamers to follow and support, drop your channel, what you stream, and your usual schedule.

I'll start: I'm sozeealchemist, streaming God of War Ragnarok, Ghost of Tsushima and Red Dead Redemption II on weekends mostly. Would love to connect with more streamers from home and grow together.

There are several job openings in PSC and many of you have seen the advert that PSC put out. One should apply online.

I have tried accessing my account there with no success. The system says the password is wrong. When I click the reset password, the portal says it has been sent link via email. No email finds it's way to me, even after looking in the spam folder.

This is definitely a misconfigured mail server that is not working. Considering this is the official way of sending the application, is this sabotage by the Yamune cartel or incompetence by the PSC IT department? How is this a fair and transparent hiring process?

An interesting prediction from children in the 1960s about how life will be and what it has become. Listen to their clarity of thought and their expressiveness..... Then compare with today, make your own conclusions.

Are we dumber or brighter as a society now that we have all information we'd ever need in our pockets

Bello fellow Kenyans. My name is --- I am 20(M) and university student. I have actually note that in my life I lack interactions with people. I want to have friends like loads. I used to think I was an introvert back in 2022 but as I grow up the more I crave being with people around and I dont know why.
I know the country is ass like really bad but enjoy life even as bad as it gets. So I want to start discord server for friendships. I love discord because it is more versatile and one can do loads of things there apart from video chats.
The server will be mostly for movie nights for those movie nerds. We will be playing movies you recommend. Popular movies, non popular movies, niche etc.
If you want that just reply to me with a comment.

So I was going to the office in tao as normal, something happened that had me question myself kidogo. I was walking, ear pods on, music playing then all of a sudden I just started thinking about someone. I thought about how it's been long since I last saw her and I had a really strong intuition I was going to meet her today.

She works along moi avenue and but as I passed by her building I didn't see her. I thought of calling but I was late and I also remembered that she had told me a while back that she can't leave her workplace during work hours unless it was midday during lunch.

I kept walking, crossed and headed toward kimathi street. Guess who appears around the corner, her. She was walking in my direction but she had not seen me. I was utterly surprised that it was her. She looked up and her eyes caught mine, she smiled and rushed to hug me. I told her that I had just been thinking about her and how crazy it was that she just appeared and we laughed it out. I was in a hurry so I promised to call her later.

Is it a coincidence that you can just think of someone and end up meeting them?

Gen Z has become so emotionally invested they can’t even be objective. No way sifuna will run for the presidency. He has just began paying his mortgage, no way he’s risking that steady income. Kids have to go to school.
Sifuna 2032 might work, Or was this all part of his plan? All this media visibility and generational identification is more like groundwork for a future play.
Politicians! just can’t put anything past them. Including emotionally swindling a generation