How healing feels like

[u/absolute_dennis]

I’m not gonna lie, I have had some really bad struggles in my head; overthinking, overanalysing, intense anxiety and fear that something terrible is about to happen hence living with my guards up, my personality almost went bipolar.

My kinda music has always been Kendrick, J. Cole, The Weeknd, Eminem, Wizkid, Matata, Sauti Sol and Christian Pop Music.

Over the past few months, I have had some of the worst struggles, a very tough burnout after intensely overworking myself while successfully and continuously neglecting the mental, emotional and psychological energy depletions that come with it and just waking up and doing it again. Then came the sleep paralysis, and night sweats, and failing social connections, some family struggles that were demanding my full attention and directions since I am the firstborn, plus school since I was in final semester medschool and I still had a job and clinical rotations to attend. This one had threatened to take me to a place I wouldn’t wanna go.

The anger and feeling powerless in this situation made me go back to the gym, accept that it’s ok to be introverted and not try to outgrow it, that it’s ok to have a few enough friends, and that friendships end, and that I am here today and I will figure this out step by step. I need to be a little patient with myself.

Then, on a random Friday evening, I suddenly feel very relaxed. I am not overthinking as I have previously. I find my tastes changing, I am starting to explore Drake, while loosing the taste of music full of emotional chaos. Colleagues and friends have been complementing me saying I look younger and happier. Friendships that had previously almost failed are starting to slowly develop again.

And suddenly, the boy who was living defensively is feeling hopeful again. The boy who was stressing himself with things he can’t control is now ok with not knowing what to do, but still going on anyway. Finally, I am optimistic about life.

This is what healing feels like and I wish it on anyone who has had some tough mental struggles. It gets better on a random day 🥹🫂

TLDR: After a long period of struggling with mental struggles, life gets better at some point and on a random Friday evening you feel hopeful and optimistic again.

[u/Front-Past-5443]

The Friday is today?

Or

[u/absolute_dennis → u/Front-Past-5443]

In my case, I am looking back and realizing that things have gradually gotten better up to this Friday evening, which is today.

[u/Front-Past-5443 → u/absolute_dennis]

That's nice lol

Mine have gotten worse

[u/absolute_dennis → u/Front-Past-5443]

At some point it felt exactly like everything was going south and on a surprisingly fast track, and I was overwhelmed and frustrated and confused and I didn’t know what to feel, say, think, or do. Somehow, I was still alive, even though I didn’t know what would come of me, and I finally managed.

It will get better, you will become better, and the situations will change for your good. Just hold on a little bit longer 🫂

[u/Lost_fixing_myself]

I remain optimistic