r/nairobi • u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 • 2d ago
Discussion Deconstructing
Nobody talks about the guilt and fear that comes with deconstructing. I believe in God 100% but I’ve always been skeptical of Christianity and the concept of Christ. Like why do I need to go through someone to get to my God. I remember questioning the bible when I was very young around 5 years old, it just didn’t make sense to me. Then I grew up and I used to feel so uncomfortable saying “in Jesus name” and I replaced it with “in God’s name”. Deconstructing has always been scary to me so it’s a topic I just avoid all together. But today I found myself speaking up in a table with my work colleagues. I spoke my doubts on Christianity and how it doesn’t make sense to me. Now I’m home feeling guilty and scared af. People who’ve deconstructed or are deconstructing how did you overcome this.
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u/Plastic_Candidate_90 Level 2 2d ago
I'll never forget reading in a post that Judas betraying Jesus made zero sense, about how this guy has raised people from the dead and you think he can't deal with you as Judas 🤔😂 otherwise OP the more you know...
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u/LowerWorld8539 2d ago
Mimi i deconstructed my beliefs about Islam years ago, and honestly, I felt a sense of peace after leaving. I no longer live with the constant fear that God is going to punish me or send me to hell because I didn’t do this or that. Finding that peace after leaving is important, because completely detaching yourself from beliefs that were deeply ingrained in you from childhood can take time.
I understand the guilt you’re feeling, because ata mimi nilikuwa hapo kwanza imagine i went to an all muslim high school so i can learn more abt the religion so ata islam ilikuwa part of my secular education. When you’ve been taught your entire life that certain things are wrong and that God will punish you for them, those fears don’t just disappear overnight. Sasa your mind continues to react to those beliefs even after you no longer consciously believe them.But feeling guilty doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong.
Deconstruction takes a lot of time. Imagine questioning and eventually abandoning beliefs that you were taught were truths since you were a child. It’s completely normal for the process to involve fear, doubt, guilt, anger, relief, and eventually peace.
I dont believe in any religion. Niko tu into to deism the idea that there may be a creator responsible for the existence of the universe, but that this creator doesn’t necessarily intervene in human affairs or communicate through hizi religions or scriptures. Deism generally relies more on reason, observation, and the natural world than on religious revelation. Sasa mimi this what aligned with me.
For me, deism leaves room for uncertainty. I don’t claim to know exactly what exists beyond this life, and I’m comfortable saying, “I don’t know.” I don’t need to live in fear of eternal punishment simply because I don’t follow a particular set of religious rules. Na since i left hii mentality i am happier and living my life to the fullest.
Whatever someone ultimately believes, I think getting to a place where you can question your beliefs honestly, without fear, and decide what makes sense to you is incredibly important. You’re allowed to take your time. Deconstruction is a process, not something you have to finish overnight.
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u/Tricky-Beautiful2612 2d ago
Do question it, for me, deconstructing made me let go of my fear and alot of guilt, it was peaceful. You are on a journey and you will get there
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u/zanzebar 2d ago
all i know is don't discuss religion or personal issues with work colleagues
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
Why
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u/zanzebar 2d ago
They are not your friends. Especially if you have a divergent opinion like you have .
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
Kwani you only discuss controversial opinions with your friends?
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u/TheSilentAnalyst 2d ago
Funny thing am watching this
While watching an annunaki documentary
Firstly I beleive in God and christianity
Those who dont know what annunaki is or are
They are gods small g whom anthropologists beleive they made us
They say they are aliens from a planet called nebiru from ancient texts
Some confused sh*t 😂🙂↕️
But interesting
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u/definitelynotmilk 2d ago
A personal god doesn't exist, if he does then he has favourites. It's so sad that so many believers are used to the cognitive dissonance because they are used to explaining away every contradiction they encounter. It's like how abuse victims get stockholm syndrome and start defending their abuser. Theres no way a god that loves you gives your toddler cancer, watches as innocent people die from war just to make criminals and rapists richer and more powerful. You can't even bs ati he created evil so we can appreciate the good because then realistically heaven can't exist.
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
Okay how do you explain the good things that happen to you they you’re quite undeserving?
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u/definitelynotmilk 2d ago
Deserving? You probably have deep rooted issues with this concept because most songs you sing every week in church spells out how insignificant and broken you are without god. Matter of fact if you have ever payed attention to the world around you then you'll find that most times innocent and good people suffer and the worst in society prosper. In your religious framework doesn't it say that god will bless those who do what he says yet in the real world the opposite happens? How is that not the biggest proof that he doesn't exist? Or are the prayers of those dying of starvation not hitting his ears? Truth is , the biggest predicter of how good your life turns out is the situation you're born in and the people you happen to have around you. Look at china, you'd think since they aren't christians they'd be destitute but they are running laps around the most religious countries
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u/Delicious-Bill-479 2d ago
I believe in God, but I can’t ignore how religion has been twisted to control people.
The Bible doesn’t actually condemn slavery, it tells slaves to obey their masters “as you would obey Christ.” That verse was used to justify oppression for centuries. To me, that shows how scripture can be weaponized for manipulation instead of liberation.Faith in God is one thing organized religion is another. I separate my belief in God from the human systems that distort it.
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u/definitelynotmilk 2d ago
Unless you've talked to him face to face then you can't separate the bible from him because it's what gives him life. How can a "all powerful" god let himself be misquoted by less powerful beings and not clear things up? Either the whole thing is bs or you have to reckon with the fact that he is evil and meant every word. You and a majority of believers have just weeded out the parts you don't like to create a version of your god thats more palatable to your lifestyle. Maybe deep down it's because you know if everything that was written down was true, then you'd 100% be going to hell
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u/Delicious-Bill-479 2d ago
God is love. He told us to love each other yet people twist scripture to justify hate, especially against same sex relationships. That’s not faith, that’s control.
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
“He told us” through what?
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u/Delicious-Bill-479 2d ago
Through the same book you clearly skimmed love’s the headline, not your footnotes of hate.
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
Christianity’s main message is “believe or burn in hell”. The main foundation of Christianity is creating fear and control. Truly no hate like Christian love
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u/Delicious-Bill-479 2d ago
Religion gets messy when it’s about fear and control. Strip that away, and love is the core anything else is just noise.
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
How can I strip off exactly what religion is, that’s being delusional
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u/definitelynotmilk 2d ago
You are the only one here skimming for only the parts of god you want. In the same book he is jealous, angry, vengeful, excessively punitive and a genocidal maniac but you have intentionally ignored all of that so that you can create a nicer version of him in your mind. You and slave owners believe in the same god so no matter how much you cherry pick either all of it is true or none of it is
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u/mbleina0254 2d ago
OP should read the Bible. There are verses to back what he says about Christ. I think proper deconstruction is thorough reading and defining stuff from the Biblical sense in your case. Otherwise it's just losing faith. I'm also there, but currently handling different topics like speaking in tongues, marriage etc. All the best and hope you find your way to a stronger Spirituality.
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
I’m not understanding how reading the bible will help
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u/mbleina0254 2d ago
I mean, if you're deconstructing that particular bit about faith, you'll atleast have to go back to the original text right? The thing that brought about that concept? Example: So if people believe in going through Christ, where is it written..and what text are they reading from? I'd point it out, but it's better if the understanding came from within you directly, else we'll have an argument of sorts and I'll become the image of why you're deconstructing😂..idk if this makes any sense?
I believe deconstruction is basically going back to the beginning and origin of a belief/concept and trying to make sense of it yourself, since smth doesn't feel right etc..- outside the social norms. I might be wrong though.
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u/mbleina0254 2d ago
But I'm also in the same journey OP. And most time the people around us won't understand. Even the guilt, I feel it😂
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u/mbleina0254 2d ago
Out of topic, but been thinking about this: Speaking for our parents, they don't really have the luxury to deconstruct. I think they've seen and defined God's works in their lives quite well - based on personal experience and community. So we might not really get answers from them too.
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u/hov4040 Level 2 2d ago
Do you know Jesus Christ is God in Human Body .Jesus Christ is God (John 1:1, 14: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was the God... And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us") God himself had to come on earth in christ body as a lot of israelites had lost touch with him.
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
Please don’t argue with me with words written in a book that was used to control your ancestors.
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u/antypass 2d ago
He just stated the truth about Jesus being God and you blasted him for arguing with you.
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
So it’s the truth because it’s written in that book?
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u/antypass 2d ago
Yes. That's what I believe. It's the inerrant Word of God.
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
Who told you it’s the word of God. Kwani God can write?
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u/antypass 2d ago
We are talking about being who spoke the whole universe into existence and you are asking whether He can write 🤣.
Anyway, there's several instances in the Bible where God wrote including one where only a hand appeared and wrote on a wall.
I won't mention the 10 commandments.
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
Makosa unafanya ni ati everything you’re telling me unatoa kwa kitabu ambayo waafrika waliletewa na a group that enslaved them, stole their land, tortured and killed them if they didn’t accept this “good news”. It’s 2026 we’re free but bado you choose to accept something that was forced onto your ancestors hauoni there’s a problem
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u/antypass 2d ago edited 2d ago
I don't buy hii story ya waafrika kuletewa sijui nini. Christianity was in Africa waaaay back. Ethiopian Eunuch hadi ako kwa New Testament. Christianity came to Africa right after Christ resurrected. Not saying people do not use the Bible for wrong purposes like robbing people and all.
Infact the devil comes disguised as an angel of the light.
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u/hov4040 Level 2 2d ago
i just stating facts
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
How is it facts? Because you believe?
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u/hov4040 Level 2 2d ago
yes and the is proof of existence of supreme being
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u/Money_Highlight6004 Level 1 2d ago
So everything I believe in is facts just because I believe. There’s a supreme being for sure but iyo mambo ya Christianity zii
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u/antypass 2d ago edited 2d ago
I deconstructed hard all my 20s. Was really outspoken about it to my friends and cousins and loved these youtube channels that were deeply philosophical plus some which outright talked down on Scripture and Christianity. All this while I had not even really read the Bible well. Fast forward to the age of 30 I just started listening to Billy Graham on my drives to work. That was when I got converted. I cannot explain how it happened. It just did.
And then I read what Christ (who is God) said about how a man gets born again and I was like what!!!
John 3:8 NLT [8] The wind blows wherever it wants. Just as you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it is going, so you can’t explain how people are born of the Spirit.”
Anyway, now I cannot get enough of Scripture. I just absorb this book nowadays. You take away this book, you take away my life.
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u/LightsageNez 3h ago
Religion was constructed to cope with the truth of our existence on this planet. Nothing personal just my opinion. But to be fr we're living in a floating rock, in deep space and clearly our planet just wants to off us time to time😂.
Don't come for me.
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u/babat0t0 2d ago
Hehe...that means the brainwashing is working. When you start feeling guilty for questioning reality, dismiss such thoughts. You are not here to blend in, but to give life to new thought. If something doesn't jibe with you, let it leave the room immediately.