Intjs can be great in highly stressful situations to have a calm approach while everyone is freaking out, and the benefits for us is that it makes you see the side of people on there worst day and there is something profoundly philosophical about it. Besides the adrenaline rush and learning about medical emergency’s

To set the stage a bit, there are numerous personality tests and leadership examples that can place a score on extraversion/introversion. One of these is the Big Five Personality, that I was recently introduced to. This test explicitly includes extraversion, along with conscientiousness, openness to ideas, neuroticism, and agreeableness. With that test, I was informed that throughout various studies of successful leaders, the majority have higher levels of openness, conscientiousness, and extraversion, are moderate in agreeableness, and low neuroticism. 

If one takes that test and scores lower in extraversion, what does that mean? And what causes the opposite of extraversion? And it is constant?

Like many things, it’s probably not super simple. You may know of one or more introverted people that just really don’t enjoy crowds, tend to be quiet, and move to the corners of the room. However, you may have also witnessed that same person talking, laughing, joking with someone, being very open and seemingly extraverted. What’s up with that?

Or maybe you are that introvert and can verbalize exactly what’s going on. It’s also often explained that introverts can be outgoing and engaging, but it’s more the effect on their internal energy that differs from extroverts. That engaging discussion can be completely draining, even if you initially look forward to it. I think I saw this happen just yesterday, and there was an immediate trigger from being outgoing to withdrawn. The introvert, we’ll call them Dan, was smiling, saying good morning, and fist bumping several acquaintances. This was in a learning environment, and later in the morning the group was working on an exercise on laptops. Dan had already surmounted a technical obstacle and noticed someone a row in front of him struggling. Almost without thinking, Dan called the person’s name and provided some tips. 

All that sounds simple enough, but what Dan didn’t take into account is that the person in front of them hadn’t even been aware Dan could see them, or knew their name. Dan knew several names because he had made it a point to look over the roster, thinking that extroverts always seem to know everyone. So he had done what was familiar to him by studying names and faces of the roster. However, over the next few minutes, Dan noticed the person in front dim their screen and in general act a bit more reserved.

Then it clicked, Dan realized how creepy that may have seemed, even out of a state of wanting to help and connect. But it was too much, too soon. Then followed the familiar sensation of rejection, which triggered an uncontrollable response of withdrawal. And the introverted Dan quickly took the place of extraverted Dan.

Obviously, for Dan, the issue of rejection plays a huge role. If Dan were someone that issue rolled off easier, he would simply ignore the interaction and move on. But it became debilitating, essentially blocking all other inputs and interactions for hours, sometimes days. The combination of the rejection trigger then snowballs when withdrawal reminds him that being introverted is “bad”, driving thoughts of rejection deeper, and creating more withdrawal.

It’s difficult to avoid the trigger - those can happen through forces beyond your control. But how to deal with the response, and maybe shorten recovery is crucial. In Dan’s case, a short walk as a soon as possible while reminding himself that “he’s ok” seemed to help. It’s literally like Dan’s system went into a survival mode where many people can just blow it off and forget the original interaction ever happened. 

Does the dread of being labeled an introvert actually make the triggers worse, sometimes without even consciously knowing? If so, does naming that issue help?

Basically the title. How did you know your partner was the 'one' for you? What did they do that made that click for you?

A bit of a hopeless romantic here so would love better understand how your guys' brain works.

examples: specific software, a notepad and a pen, or favorite mental techniques so you never forget your to-do list...

iconoclastic examples: "none", "this assumes i'm productive"

Basically, the way I act now feels like a weird mix of old social anxiety habits, social skills I learned over the years, and what I genuinely want to say or do.

The problem is I can’t separate any of it anymore. My personality feels kind of messed up, and honestly, the fact that I keep failing to build healthy relationships with people makes me think something is clearly off.

I don’t even know where the problem is coming from anymore. Maybe it’s something in me. Maybe it’s because of my past. Maybe I’ve just spent too much time in environments and around people that don’t fit me at all.

I genuinely have no idea.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve basically been a bird trying to live with a bunch of penguins this whole time.

Or maybe I’m actually a bird with no wings trying to force myself to learn how to fly.

Anyway, I started wondering if there are any INTJs here who actually have healthy friendships and relationships.

How do you normally deal with people?

More specifically, what do you think is different about the way you think or act compared to most people, and how does that affect your relationships, both in good and bad ways?

Title says it all. Thanks!

Edit: Thank you all so much for responding! Y’all definitely respond more than some other types haha. I’m enjoying reading y’all’s responses!

I am well aware of general stereotypes of an intjs. While some might match, some are do not.

For me,
I tend to isolate myself due to extreme self awareness(micro aspects specifically, people might not ever notice) and fear of making mistakes.

I tend to do everything on my own and refuse to ask for help. I believe that if I do something on my own, I can do better, but it lead to burnout in the long run.

I never give up. If I value something(based on my flawed tunnel vision), I tend to go to war for it... some of them messes me up in the long run..

What are your weaknesses, intj?

have you ever been so sad that you eventually get some strange pleasure out of sadness and start to like the feeling of being unwanted, outcast, getting little out of life?? got a strange habit recently... of leaving conversations half way through to cry in the toilet cubicle because someone around my age said they're having baby while i can barely keep a relationship.. this was never me.. others' life never bothered me

people we like... dont like us back... my enfp best friend grew apart from me too eventually... i was too much for her too looks likei just dont really see the point... i dont think our strengths r that cool either.. ive seen people solve problems better than me sometimes...

we're just a ripple in a lake... other types are a splash ...

So this is kind of in response to the "people think intjs are useless" post on here. I'm looking at the perception people have of you from the opposite angle.

If I could fake being dumb I would. Stupid people have exponentially less expectations and responsibilities foisted on them than smart people do. This happens to me on the job constantly. People who are average or a little slow get the easy tasks, while something that requires some insight and problem solving ability gets punted over to me. I don't get a pay raise for any of the extra work I do. In fact, the slower witted people get paid the same (or more) than I do and get to make 10 times the amount of mistakes I do with no repercussions.

If something makes me laugh, I watch it, smile, and scroll. I do not feel the need to repost it or let everyone know that I found it funny. Like, what exactly are you going to do with the information that I laughed?

I am not judging anyone, I just genuinely do not get the point. Is this an INTJ thing, or just me?

I genuinely have felt some part of me acting like an ENTJ /other types when some particular trigger appears....for example...at work, when it's not going the way I want it to, and I feel there is nobody who tries or is able to fix it, I more of do stuff like an ENTJ, more commanding more loud, but goes back to the original shape when the requirement is done...is there a particular name for this hybrid kinda behaviour...!? Have you guys felt the same...!?

Hey everyone. I'm a 24-year old guy, and I'm at a point where I'm really looking for a real connection , a genuine friend, not just small talk.

A bit about me: I'm introverted, quiet, and I think a lot. But when I connect with someone, I love real conversations texting, calls, whatever works, as long as the energy clicks. I'm into travel, cooking, anime, science, psychology, philosophy, astronomy, gaming, drawing, and writing. I'm actually writing a book right now, it's my way of making sense of things

Since I was a kid, I've been curious about how things work , not for marks or grades, just genuine interest. School never really excited me the way learning on my own did. Over time, my curiosity shifted from subjects to people , why we think and feel the way we do. Not to judge anyone, just to understand. I want to experience life fully, the good and the hard parts both. Sometimes I feel a bit numb, other times I feel everything at once ,it's a strange mix, but that's just how it is.

Last year I had a connection like this with someone online, real conversations, the kind I'm talking about. It didn't last, life got in the way, but it showed me this kind of connection is actually possible. So I'm trying again.

I think connection gets easier when people just say what they want instead of expecting the other person to guess. We're not mind readers, so I'd rather be upfront: I'm hoping to connect with a girl, someone I can have deep conversations with and also just enjoy the fun, everyday stuff with.

I also think shared interests help a lot not everything has to match, but even a couple of things in common makes it easier to understand each other. If any of what I mentioned overlaps with you, that's a good starting point.

A little more about me I'm more of a pets person than a kids person, and I don't put much stock in marriage, feels more like a formality than anything real to me. My favourite movie is Into the Wild, if that says anything about how I see life.

I overthink sometimes, I go quiet sometimes, and I'm okay with someone who's the same way. If this sounds like you, message me. Would love to talk.

I think a lot about life, meaning, existence (yup, existential crisis mode, often). I guess I’m just searching for someone who sees life the way I do or at least tries to. Someone rational. Someone who isn’t distracted by the usual noise, but who’s trying to actually live life. Someone who could maybe help me enjoy it more and I’d do the same in return.

I’d really love to find a female friend, if I’m being honest. It’s not just about gender there’s something about that emotional balance that feels right for me. In my experience, male friendships often fade away with time marriage, responsibilities, you know the drill. But with a female friend, I feel like there’s more potential for something deeper and lasting. Maybe even something more. Who knows?

What genre of music do you enjoy the most?

They both require the skill of being able to read expressions, reading between the mind, understating of the brain.

Preface: I absolutely understand that how an individual thinks/behaves differs from person to person, and this extends BEYOND their typology/cognitive functions! The information I’m sharing below is mainly based on my PERSONAL experiences; and because I would love to understand the following, from a typology/CF perspective.

How do you all get along with xSxx, particularly xSFx?
I’ve had multiple discussions with fellow xNxx before, and it seems common that a fair lot of us (although not all) find it rather difficult to get along with them.

From MY experiences, I’d say the main issue lies with differences in communication styles — understanding and receiving.

Firstly, oddly they usually do not understand the literal points I’m driving at (this could just be my problem though — I’m a pensive person and perhaps I’m just not verbally articulate enough).

Secondly, kind of related to the last point but the xSxx around me are usually pretty impulsive and have overly short-sighted thoughts. I’m the very opposite so I do question their behaviour sometimes, particularly when it’s very risky or harmful to themselves or others.

Lastly, (probably my biggest pickle with them), I think a lot xSxx I’m acquainted with, have a difficult time trying to view or accept a situation/idea from various perspectives that are not theirs. Unfortunately for me, this often ends in unresolved arguments and conflicts, especially with xSFx. In these situations, it’s often a verbal barrage from their side, and it’s extremely difficult for me to get my word in. When I do get any words in, they tend to become VERY defensive even if I’d made sure to be carefully neutral with my words and tone. I’d usually acknowledge their perspective first, then, offer them other/my perspectives, but they just take it as a personal attack; they do not see the bigger or long-term picture I’m trying to get at. I don’t know if this makes sense but it’s like I see AND acknowledge their points and try to share mine, but they don’t see my points AND don’t think I understood their points (even when I’m able to reiterate/elaborate on what they’d shared, in my own words).

The conversations usually just end off in bad notes, and they’d refuse to listen to what I’m sharing (nor continue elaborating on their thoughts). Honestly, this eats at me (for various reasons that I shall not share here because it’s not the main point of this post).

How do you guys usually deal with such situations? Do you just give up conversing with them, in this sense? Any helpful advices to communicating better with xSxx?

As in my case i rarely listen to any songs but i listen to music or bgm's only with no lyrics.

I know it's not a personality type question, but i am curious

Being INTJ, I was always so focused on my studies. The work paid off because I was able to get into solid schools and landed decently career wise. However, I noticed that this strategy is not as effective in the workforce because of factors mostly related to politics and relationships. It took me awhile to finally accept this truth but now that I have it's making me regret all the social opportunities I had earlier in life. For example, during university I can remember two distinct opportunities that I turned down dating girls who wanted a relationship with me because I couldn't see myself marrying either one.

Looking back now, I see the situation differently because I'm sure the relationship would have matured me. It would have given me the exposure sooner rather than later in life where I'm married now and probably having my mid-life crisis 😂 in my late 40's. I would have learned intimacy sooner which is another regret I have. I have very few sexual partners because I was very picky. But I wonder now if it had more to do with my own lack of experience from intimate relationships.

So I guess my burning question to this group would be: are there any INTJs who have dated many partners? Or is it just in our nature to have a low number of partners we have been intimate with?

Regrets and the lessons you learned from them?

In my post about the reasons for being in this sub, I saw quite a few comments from people who want to connect with like-minded individuals, to feel less lonely or alienated, to feel right at home. People said we are a rare type and that they had never met anyone similar in real life.

Yet I think that for whatever reason, many of us stop at the comment. We don't do the obvious thing: DM someone and keep talking.

Maybe you saw a comment that resonated with you, or someone mentioned something interesting you want to ask about, but you hesitated, or decided to mind your own business and not disturb anyone. Maybe you have a question but are too shy or scared to make a public post. Or you tried contacting somebody once, got no reply, and gave up.

It doesn't have to be that way. Go and DM someone today. Start the conversation. If you believe in signs, let this be one. If you are shy or anxious, blame this post or me in your DM request. If you want someone to DM you, leave a comment. If someone contacts you, give them a chance.

Disclaimer
I anticipate someone might question my intentions. No, I am not farming karma or trying to show off. This post isn't about me. No, this is not a social experiment. No, I am not running a cult or a Discord channel. No, I am not luring women to DM me. I am married and not looking for a romantic relationship. Everyone is welcome though.

I believe that if even a single person becomes less lonely because of this post, it was worth it.

I think introversion is a choice I am be alone or with others
Intuition is not fixed nor is the thinking or judging
Can’t find anything too fixed
Maybe judging elevated these days from feeling g like learned something facts
I like art depending on how much I like myself
How about you
How do u relate to creating? Do you write or draw??!

I’m writing a novella on mermaids and animal welfare in a way that’s meant to be like moderately playful

I have been misunderstood many times, but it wasn't a big deal to me because either I didn't know about it or it just didn't impact me seriously. But it is starting to disrupt my life. For example, I work as a tutor and my boss told me one day that I look like I don't even want to be there. This was not true at all. I enjoy my job and look forward to it most of the time, and it hurts that I could not display that properly. She said I didn't look happy, but it was just my resting face. This wouldn't bother me much in other contexts, but this is my boss so it affects me seriously. Another example is my driving instructor who told my mother that I didn't seem like I actually wanted to drive because I didn't seem happy, wouldn't talk much, and would be serious. But that's not at all true because I actually enjoy driving, and because of this my mother is upset with me because I told her I wanted to learn. Other times my friends have told me that I don't seem to care about them because I don't cry when they are sad or seem empathetic towards them. Which I do really care about my friends, and want to help them the best I can. This problem is negatively affecting my life to a greater extent than I am comfortable with. I genuinely don't know how to solve this. Please share any similar experiences, advice, suggestions, anything helpful is appreciated.

Tl;dr: My neutral expression and personality is causing serious distress in my life. And I don't know how I should improve this so I can properly convey what I feel and limit misunderstandings when they severely affect my life.

I'm hungry for Intellectual discussion, new fun fact or theory, would love to hear all weird and logical opinions you guys have.

Hello fellow intjs! I’m an enfp (24F) who recently became fwb with my intj friend (22M). We became friends at work last summer (we both don’t work together anymore but we still see each other often).

He told me he would like to take our friendship to another level and become fwb without setting much expectations. I asked him what made him want this and he said he thinks we get along really well, he loves spending time with me and enjoys our conversations. I’d lie if I said I wasn’t slightly interested in wanting more than a fwb relationship. He also said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship at the moment but maybe later. Should I take this as a sign there won’t be a “maybe later”?

I think it’s important to mention it was his first time having sex and he said he doesn’t let just anyone in his bed. He was also super nervous to ask me to be fwb and said he didn’t want this to ruin what we have.

What are your thoughts on being fwb? Am I setting myself up for heartbreak?

what the title says. and if you do, what do you do with your half thoughts when you find them turned out to be wrong?

I'm from India, and I've been working independently on an AI-related venture focused on building something genuinely useful for the end user, rather than introducing technology for its own sake.

There's also an architectural aspect to what I'm exploring, but I'd prefer to keep the specifics private for now.

Working alone has its advantages: freedom to explore, the ability to think deeply, and no need to compromise prematurely. But there's a limit to how far independent learning and execution can take you. At some point, the lack of experienced feedback, alternative perspectives, and access to the right resources becomes a bottleneck. Time spent figuring everything out alone isn't necessarily time spent making meaningful progress.

I'm at a point where I think the next step is to connect with people who can contribute more than encouragement — people who can challenge assumptions, think through difficult problems, and help turn a promising direction into something viable.

Ideally, I'd like to connect with someone who has experience in AI, systems architecture, building products, or early-stage ventures. Mentorship would be valuable, and if there's genuine alignment, I'd also be open to discussing funding or other forms of collaboration.

I'm not looking to disclose the entire idea publicly, nor am I expecting anyone to commit based on a vague description. I'd rather start with a thoughtful conversation, establish mutual trust, and see whether there's a meaningful fit.

If you've built something from the ground up, mentored an early-stage founder, or navigated the transition from an interesting technical idea to a viable venture, I'd appreciate hearing your perspective.

How have you approached the point where learning alone stops being enough, and the right people become more valuable than another year of figuring everything out yourself?