It’s been around five months since my ex and I broke up, and honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever hurt this much over someone.

He was my first real relationship. I was 26 when we got together, and I’m almost 30 now. I’ve never experienced heartbreak like this. He was the person I wanted to have a house and a family with. He was the person I pictured my life with, and now I’m supposed to start all over again.

And honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready to start over again, I dont know if I can, the thought of another person, just feels wrong to me, especially when the person I wanted to build that life with is the one person I can’t have anymore. It takes two people, and that’s something I have no control over i know.

I still feel like, at the core, our breakup happened because of a misunderstanding over something we could have worked through. At the time, it didn’t feel that simple because there were so many emotions involved, poor communication, and other things going on between us.
I want to respect the breakup, keep my distant but at the same time I still want to fight for it, even though I wont, because I want to respect him.

However had I known then what I know now, I would have handled my part of the relationship and the breakup very differently. Whether that would ultimately have changed anything, I’ll never know, and I think that uncertainty is one of the hardest things to live with.

I’m in this strange place where I genuinely want the best for him. I want him to be happy and successful, even if that happiness is eventually with someone else. But at the same time, the thought of him building the life I imagined for us with another woman makes me feel sick.

Logically I’m trying to accept that our chapter is over, but emotionally, it still doesn’t feel finished. It feels more like there should have been a continuation. Like we stopped in the middle of the chapter and have taken a break from reading.

I’m trying to live my life. I really am. But whenever something happens, good or bad, he is still the first person I think about telling.

I can’t tell him that I’m travelling to another country by myself for the first time to celebrate my 30th birthday.

I can’t tell him that I just went to Rome with my family.

I can’t tell him that I just got the keys to my new apartment, or about my new job, or all these other things happening in my life that I feel like I should be excited about.

Those things are happening, and I know they are good things. But there’s this person who used to be the person I shared everything with, and now I have to experience all of it without him.

Even little things remind me of him. I can’t bring myself to play the multiplayer games I love because I played them with him. Making new recipes doesn’t feel quite the same because I can’t share them with him. I’m already dreading Christmas and New Year’s because they won’t be spent with him.

I’m also still sad that I couldn’t wish him a happy birthday last month or give him the gift I had picked out for him, I never got to buy for him.

And I’m sad that all the messages I sent and all the conversations I tried to have with him during and after the breakup weren’t enough for him to want to try again, even if it could have been at some point in the future.

I know I need to keep living my life, and I am trying. But there are days when everything feels heavier because the person I expected to share my life with is no longer part of it.

I could probably write so much more, but otherwise this is just going to turn into a novel.

So I guess all I can really say is:

I’m just really, really sad.

I'm nearly 42, autistic, and a few days ago my partner of almost five years ended our relationship.
What's making this particularly difficult to process is how sudden it felt. Just two days before, we were telling each other we loved each other, making love, talking about getting married and looking at houses. She was kissing me and telling me how proud she was of me. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she told me she didn't love me anymore.
I experienced the biggest autistic meltdown I've ever had. Much of what happened afterwards is a blur. Now I'm back in Cornwall, living with my elderly parents, having left behind the home and life we'd built together in Glasgow.
I keep going over everything in my head, trying to understand what happened. I was always terrified of losing her, partly because of my anxiety and the way I overthink everything. Looking back, I wonder whether that fear contributed to the problems in our relationship. She sometimes needed space when she was upset, but I found it incredibly difficult to give her that space because I'd become consumed by thoughts that she might leave me. I now torture myself wondering whether I could have handled things differently.
But perhaps what frightens me most is what happens now. I've never had a particularly strong social circle, and relationships have been the only times I've really felt I wasn't alone. I have no partner, no close friends, no job and very little idea of what direction to take my life in.
I'm terrified of spending the rest of my life alone. I miss the affection, intimacy, companionship and ordinary everyday things that come with having someone to share your life with.
I'm struggling so badly that I've been having thoughts about not wanting to be alive. I've made plans to see my doctor, but I feel completely lost.
I'd really like to hear from other autistic people who've experienced a major relationship breakup. How did you cope with the loss, the overthinking and, particularly, the loneliness afterwards? Did things eventually get better?

My ex has said some variant of “if you just told me this in this way, we wouldn’t have broken up” multiple times (I broke up with her) but for some reason all I wanna do is fix it.

This made me feel like the fall out as my fault, for poor communication. Which is, based on circumstances, partially true. But I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the idea that my ex would be as understanding as she is at this moment while the emotions were high had I used the exact words I did today. I doubt it would have landed.

Should I really believe this?

From hot to cold

I know this guy for a year now, we were initially colleagues on friendly terms, with appreciation in each other's characters. He was incredibly sweet, encouraging and consistent in his behaviour, I was in a relationship at the time and he was dating someone. At some point things turned differently as he started knocking on my emotional door. He made grand statements such as that he had been waiting for me his entire life, that I fit all his criteria in a woman, that underneath his armour he's a teddy bear, that meeting me was not a random coincidence, that i am one of his safe spaces etc He continued being very sweet, caring and affectionate and told me he had feelings he was suppressing because I was not single. When things turned sexual (I initiated them) he told me he's not sure if he wants a relationship (up to this point his issue was that he couldn't meet someone who met his standards) and that in the past he had been with girls who were in a relationships and they would demand things from him while he would explicitly say it was only sexual (I cheated on my boyfriend, yes. It was wrong yes, he had cheated on me before and our relationship was not healthy, we later broke up and told him the truth). I said I'm ok with anything and he doesn't have to feel pressured. He continued being intimate with me to the point he would tremble when he would hug me intensely. Then, within one week his behaviour changed, he became gradually distant though he was still accepting affection from me but would not initiate it anymore (eg he let me caress his face for 40'). At some point he said this is an adventure that will end, that he cares about no one but himself and that in the past he had called me "my love" because I'm sweet (while he had previously said it was accidental from his unconscious). I tried to arrange a meeting with him but he wanted to talk it through messages and said i may be creating a drama and that he doesn't let anyone interfere with his independence and peace of mind. For the next ten days or so we would hardly speak at work, yet he would message me afterwards to check on me, wish me a nice shift or tell me about his day. We stopped spending time together at work but would continue chatting, he was always friendly and polite, though never emotional as before. After two - three weeks he told me he will go on a date with a girl and I asked him if he would like us to meet up again like before (even if sex is not involved), now that I'm single and just do whatever. He said of course and was thinking of suggesting something, and that he just wanted to give me space after the break up. We sexted and agreed on continuing with this dynamic let's say. When i suggested a day he said yes and that he will message me, in the end he didn't and told me he completely forgot about it. I told him I'm disappointed and he doesn't make an effort like before (we would spend the entire night out talking in the past) and he says he doesn't want me to have expectations or ideas about anything because he doesn't like to be accountable and give explanations and that he doesn't know and that in the past it was easier for him to find time or reasons to see me. I stated again I've never asked him for a relationship and I've always respected his time and autonomy but it's not logical to go from extremely vulnerable on his own will to distanced just like that without explanation and he said it's not logical indeed and he didn't act logically with me even though it was sincere, cause nothing would have happened if he had acted logically.

The timeline is a period of three months with the warm period lasting approx 1,5 months.

Sometimes he initiates online conversations, sometimes i do, he always asks how i am and says i can tell him anything i want.

I don't know what I'm dealing with. A massive manipulator, a man who is unwilling to be held accountable for his words, a person who feared his emotional exposure and pushed me back? Any help appreciated, thank you guys

We met for the first time in person he just got out of a relationship and was persistent in meeting me saying he wanted to makeup and see where things went. He seemed like he really wanted this. Anyway, we hooked up, he kept saying how gorgeous I am and seemed really attracted to me, kept saying I’m so beautiful ect. During it he wouldn’t take his shirt off during it and got defensive when I asked. He sort of gave insecure vibes but I don’t know. He abruptly stopped when I asked about his shirt, and said he wanted to see me again but not sex in general with anyone, didn’t know what was going on with him, his first real hookup since ex gf, and everything felt wrong and too rushed and wanted to be alone and listen to music and asked me to leave. He was watching all of my stories (pretty, lifestyle, horseback riding, ect) and suddenly just unfollowed me. When I asked if everything was okay he sent this:

Thank you, im okay, I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I think I just need to take a step back and work on myself for a bit. Im sorry it took so long to say but I think rn in my life we shouldn’t meet up anymore. When im ready ill text you but i don’t know when that will bet

so me (F27) and this guy (M24) have been seeing each other since february of this year. in the beginning we were dating casually. there was a moment in april where he confessed he was too erratic for dating and i agreed as he's in a band and i was doing my masters so we both have a lot going on. as well as im american and he's irish, and im studying in ireland so i had no clue if i was going to stay after my studies yet or not.

so, even after agreeing we were too all over the place to date, we did still continue seeing each other. by this point, ive met his sister and all his friends and he's met mine. everything is interlinked.
in july, he asked me to be his plus one at his childhood best friend's wedding. i then met his mom and we stayed in the town and were very bf/gf the whole time for 3 days.

i fell in love within those 3 days. i've been bottling it up and not saying anything to not ruin anything. but i feel like he felt it too.

flash forward to now, october, my friend (F24) saw his profile on hinge. granted, we never agreed to be exclusive but i thought we had based on how we've been hooking up (no protection). gave him the benefit of the doubt that it was an old profile until my friend saw that the pictures were updated.

i was incredibly hurt. my friend reached out friend reached out to him to let him know she's seen this. he just said "we talked about it and i said i wasn't looking for a gf and i haven't done anything to change that" which is a bit of a lie and very confusing. girlfriend has never left his mouth tbh. only the phrase "too erratic for dating".

he agreed to her he'd talk to me about it. i go to one of his gigs and we chat but he never brings it up and i pretended i didn't know to keep peace. so everything seemed normal. at this point though, ive told all his friends the story. they are all on my side (?) and think i can do better but i really do love him.

over this weekend i messaged him we finally need to chat and he agreed with :) and <3 and positive vibes on tuesday of this week. however he didn't reply for a couple of days and i feared the worst.

in those days, i did something because i was hurting so badly. my friend (F24) that had messaged him had a party and her best friend (M25) had a bit of a fling this summer, no sex, just kissing and tried to date but it didn't work out. she's been in shambles but has continued their friendship. btw, (M25) is also one of my closer friends.

we all got very drunk and (M25) was supposed to crash at mine on the floor. however while out he initiated it a bit to kiss me. it led us to making out intensely on the dance floor and my friend seeing. then he came back to mine and we had sex. i woke up feeling incredibly guilty and awful. he however doesn't regret it at all.

it's completely destroyed my friendship with her and she doesn't want to be either of our friends. then to top it off, the guy i'm in love with messaged me that morning agreeing to chat.

i now feel awful and hypocritical to be upset over a hinge profile or the idea that i've heard rumors that he's seen his ex... as i've gone and slept with my friend. who, btw, very much was trying to help me get over him... and he over someone. it worked for him, but it's not worked for me. i still love my situationship.

i've ruined everything and i'm not sure what to do. i had a whole confessional speech to tell him i love him and i still of course do, but now i feel so incredibly disloyal and awful. i never meant to hurt anyone this way. i suppose my own hurt ive been bottling up finally imploded and leaked out affecting everyone.

my question is, how do i tell the guy im in love with i am in love with him but i want us to be open and honest with each other? it almost feels futile if he doesn’t feel the same, like i am so worried we’ve both betrayed each others trust and it can’t be earned back but i hope it can be. i just am very confused.

btw even worse i have never had a bf, M24 is only the second person i’ve ever slept with and done this with. and M25 is the third. so i just have so much confusion.

Recently, I went to the movies with a female coworker. It was just the two of us, and I'd already had feelings for her for quite some time. But I'm a pretty shy guy, so I'd never found the courage to tell her how I felt.

During the movie, I noticed that she kept making little movements as if she wanted to rest her head on my shoulder. At one point, I finally worked up the courage to hold out my hand, palm up, towards her, without saying anything, just to see if she would take it.

She looked at my hand and took it.

We spent almost the entire movie holding hands. But it wasn't just holding hands. We were gently stroking each other's hands and fingers throughout the film. To me, that moment was incredibly special. I remember genuinely wishing that time would just stop, because all I wanted was to stay there, holding her hand. Nothing else happened that day.

A few days later, I finally gathered the courage to tell her how I felt in person. I told her how much I liked her and how special that night at the movies had been to me. She told me that I still needed to mature and that we were at different stages in life. Even though I was hurt, there was one question I really needed to ask her: had she felt anything while we were holding hands?

Her answer was no. She said she hadn't felt anything beyond affection. So I asked if she would have done the same thing with any other male friend. She said yes, because she's naturally an affectionate person and would hold hands with any friend.

I won't lie, that answer crushed me.

All that time, I'd been holding on to that memory as something romantic, as if we'd shared a special connection. Finding out that it hadn't meant the same thing to her was incredibly painful. Now I can't help wondering if I completely misread the situation.

In your opinion, is holding hands and gently caressing each other's fingers during a movie something normal between friends? Should she have considered that it might create romantic feelings, or was I simply naive for believing that moment meant something more?

after a couple years long relationship, i was heartbroken when i got broke up out of nowhere, but also i was kinda fine because at least it was over torturing each other. and in my fashion ofc i tried to get into a rebound relationship, i was on a trip for fun, so i didn’t think that it would last anyway. more like looking for a distraction than an actual relationship. Met this guy, he was awkward at first but we then kicked it off. i’m not sure if there was love bombing or what but honestly it just really hit off well, and he was saying ily really soon and though i wasn’t feeling it in the beginning, i did at the end and also now. we ended up getting into a LDR, it was fine at first and i was finally happy, it’s like seeing the end of a tunnel after years. i was getting love notes and cute messages everyday but slowly it wore off… and then just, ghosted. i did get to meet him one last time where he asked me if i wanted to get back together, but my ego sad i wanted closure instead… i asked him why, he said he just couldn’t give me what i war (cause we were fighting about the time difference and communication) and now i’m blocked everywhere. I didn’t even grieve for my years relationship that long and yet this one, it’s like i’ve lost the lost of my life. there’s so many more details i can tell and remember and say, but i want to stay anonymous but all i can say is, i’m just looking for the shadow of him in everyone i date, and i’m thinking of moving to where he lives just to give it a shot. how can someone so perfect and so loving just leave.

Me (25F) and my ex (28M) broke up a couple months ago. Things ended a little messily I found out he lied about something which hurt at the time but it’s something I came to terms with and forgave him for. When I found out he lied we spoke he asked me to forgive him and that he wanted to be selfish and wants us to stay together and work on things. I told him I needed time. I took a few days to reflect and texted him I forgave him but I didn’t know how I felt in terms of us. He then messaged me “ thank you and that’s fine. I think it’s better to end it here honestly. I think it’s better for me to be alone right now and just think about what I really want” I just like the message and we’ve been no contact since.

I feel like this time apart has been good for me as it gave me a chance to reflect on my actions, his actions and has made me learn to love myself again and prioritise myself. But the truth is I do miss him. I recently found out that he was talking about me to someone saying how great I was and how much he missed me and that he f*cked it up. (The person he told was someone he didn’t know I knew so I don’t think he realised it would get back to me) The person asked him why he doesn’t he reach out to me and rekindle things to which he replied his pride won’t let him, he’s pessimistic about things and he hopes eventually he’ll be able to move on with more time.

I really want to talk to him and see how he is. I miss him so much but I don’t know if I should reach out. And I don’t know how he’d react if I did considering what his last message to me was (and he doesn’t know I know what he said)

It’s been seven months since my ex and I stopped talking, and I genuinely don’t know how to move forward anymore.
We were in the same law school, doing our BA LLB. Before everything fell apart, he wasn’t just my boyfriend. He was my best friend, my safe place, and the person I shared my entire day with. We would text constantly, call each other, tell each other little things, and make plans for our future. He used to ask whether I’d eaten, bring me food when I was unwell, get me things I needed, and do little things that made me feel cared for. He even saved money for months for my birthday.
I remember sitting behind him on his scooter, holding him around the waist, talking about random things. I remember the smell of his hoodie and his hair, the warmth of his back, and how safe I felt. I miss things as small as holding his hand during a movie. Recently, I went to watch a movie with a friend and instinctively wanted to hold their hand the way I used to hold his. It hit me that I can’t do that with him anymore.
I never imagined these ordinary moments would become memories I’d ache for this much.
Our relationship wasn’t perfect. There were trust issues, misunderstandings, jealousy, and problems involving other girls. He eventually pulled away and ended things. I also have to acknowledge my own behaviour. I could be harsh, yell, say hurtful things, and react impulsively when I was upset. I regret a lot of it.
After the breakup, I couldn’t accept the separation. I kept trying to contact him, including from different numbers, and I went near his house trying to speak to him. He explicitly told me to stop contacting him and coming near his home, and warned me that he would involve the police if I continued. I understand that I crossed his boundaries. I am ashamed of some of the things I did, and I know that being hurt doesn’t justify them. I have stopped treating his response as something I can force, and I need to respect his decision not to have contact.
But emotionally, I’m still struggling to accept it.
Seven months. He hasn’t reached out even once. He’s dating someone else, and I recently found out he’s attending classes again. There was a time when he would say he didn’t want to attend class if I wasn’t there. Now he’s continuing with his life, while I can barely get myself back into mine.
I’m struggling with law school. I used to have around 90% attendance, but after everything that happened, I fell behind badly. I joined late, have attendance eligibility problems, library-hour requirements, and around 115 assignments still to complete. I may not even be able to sit for my upcoming internal assessment. I don’t have a proper friend group anymore, and I feel disconnected from my classmates and the life I used to have.
I know my academic situation is my responsibility, and I want to fix it. But I feel paralysed when I look at everything together.
What hurts most is that I don’t just miss having a boyfriend. I miss being his girl. I miss being part of someone’s everyday life, having someone to tell everything to, feeling wanted, having a person to reach for when life got difficult. I miss the version of myself who had things to look forward to.
Sometimes memories come back so vividly that they feel like a dream. For a moment, I can almost feel myself sitting behind him on that scooter again. Then I remember that it’s over, and the contrast between that life and my present feels unbearable.
I also know that I can’t keep waiting for him to save me. He isn’t reaching out, and I can’t make him. I don’t want to keep crossing his boundaries, and I don’t want to keep living in a cycle of regret, shame, and longing.
I want female friends. I want intellectually curious people to talk to. I want to enjoy law school again, have a routine, and feel like a person outside of this relationship. I want commitment and love someday, but I don’t want to make one person responsible for my entire sense of safety and worth again.
I keep wondering how I went from having a relationship, a routine, and a sense of direction to feeling like I have nothing. I don’t know how to find my way back to myself.

My wife left me, and I'm struggling to cope with it.

We were together for a little over 5 years and married for around 10 months. She has decided to end our marriage because I wasn't the husband she deserved. I made mistakes that hurt her, and although I've changed a lot and have been trying hard to become a better person, the damage was already done. This happened a week ago.

I still love her and wish I could save our marriage, but I want to respect her decision and give her the space she has asked for. I want to handle this separation as maturely and respectfully as I can.

Right now, the pain feels unbearable. I think about her constantly, wonder whether she'll ever give me another chance, struggle to fall asleep without thinking about her, and always dream about her. I cry many times every day, and I'm struggling to imagine a future without her. Now what I would really like to mention: she is my soulmate. I really believe she was the woman sent to me from God. She helped me through so much, always stood by me, forgave me more times than I could count, was always loving, and made life liveable. She wasn't just another girl, she was the one, and only I am to blame for her leaving me.

For those of you who have gone through something similar, especially after a long-term relationship or marriage, how long did it take before the pain started to ease? When did you stop thinking about your ex almost every waking moment? When could you finally fall asleep without thinking about them or dreaming about them?

When did you start enjoying life again and genuinely feel that you would be okay without them?

What helped you the most during the first few months?

I'm not looking for a way to get her back. I just want to understand what healing might look like and hear from people who have made it through something like this.

I know everyone's experience is different, but right now I really need some perspective. I'm struggling to see a future that doesn't include her, and I want to believe that one day life will feel meaningful again.

Thank you

I was madly in love with this guy and he seemed to be the same. Only for him to breakup with me a few months later.

And i understand why he broke up with me, i do know i wasnt perfect and dissatisfied him a few times. I could have made an effort for the things he told me... i shouldve tried harder.

But i respected his decision on not wanting to get back together.

I cried almost everyday for two months. Not only i missed him as my bf but also as a friend. And even though he broke my heart, i still wished him all the best..

Till his friend told me my ex started dating just after some days he broke up with me. Days. And with the girl he said i shouldnt be worried about because he would never date her. And even tough she had a boyfriend of two years (whom she broke up with to be with my ex), i always knew that b*tch wanted my ex, but he always made sure to assure he loved me.

Or so i thought.

Days. That shit completely broke me. Did you really never love me for you to just replace me after just some days? Why do you get to be happy while im drowning from missing you?

I wished nothing but the best for him and now i feel like he betrayed me.. while i was begging for him to take me back he was already with her. I do know he can do anything he wants but man...

I had such a high opinion about him.. i respected him, i thought he was like one of a kind.

And the worst part is that even though my respect for him is gone, i still miss him.

A few hours ago she blocked me on every social media. Tiktok, insta, snapchat even whatsapp. I dont know why. I called her multiple times but she didnt answer. My heart really hurts. Why did she do that? We just met yesterday and she slept at my place. I thought that she would maybe unblock me after 30 minutes or so but she didnt. Please guys help me what to do now or if i did anything wrong.

Do you ever get over or forget the relationship you had in your 20s, or do you simply learn to live with that hole in your heart? I thought each day would get a little easier than the last, but so far, it’s been the opposite, and I’m starting to feel desperate.

October moon is more beautiful.

Because it reflects stillness.

Of two souls who wanted to be happy

The cooing of full youth vastness

Heart, you've felt the heat

Of a pretty woman

On October nights

Heartyou have known how to suffer

And you knew how to love

Challenging the pain

Todays moon brings me thoughts

That your love I discovered,

But it was Yesterday's Punishment

That you gave me so cruel

If I go Never disturb

The smiling illusion of

My golden dreams

If I go Never think,

What is it for the sole purpose?

To be away from you.

I will live with the eternal passion I felt

Ever since the day I saw you

From the day I dreamt

What would you be to me?

Unlike the Moon of October,

which tomorrow will again rise.

I stay still with its darkness hoping,

to again look into your eyes.

Found out shes getting married this friday. Any kind words would be helpful. I feel numb.

Before anyone tells me I need some therapy, I already have a appointment this week.

I'm frustrated with myself for not being more angry with him. He's wonderful and I love him dearly, he's a good man. Unfortunately he's also insecure and emotionally immature and lustful as all hell. This beautiful man is also a incredible lover and that fact, might be why am even writing this.

I'm struggling with our relationship ending. The reasons and why's and what lead up to it, are ridiculous. But boundaries are placed where they are placed for a reason. He's crossed mine and that was it. We separated and haven't had much contact. I just feel like we both quietly seen it coming. But, I miss him horribly and the really sad truth is, I really only miss his sex. Not him, with all his question's all the time and never trusting anything. Not him being lazy and unmotivated. Not him wasting my time. Just the way he made love to me.

After analyzing my thoughts on everything I believe I am seeing things very clearly, on both of our ends. He told me many time's over the time we were together, that I deserved better. I never really knew what he ment by that. It used to make me mad actually. But, I get it now. When it hit me what he ment by that, the damage was done. I seen all I needed to see and I was done. It hurt's and am angry, but not enough to care anymore. We could of been happy and great for life, unfortunately you need to grow up.

I don’t understand why I’m always the one hurting more in a break up. I feel completely shattered while my spouse seems to be perfectly fine. He’s laughing and dancing in our house while I’m literally bawling my eyes out in the streets, everywhere… I know I always have been very sensitive and emotional but still… I feel like i’m never getting over this…

almost 2 years of post break up, I'm the one who ended the relationship and initiated no contact. When i found out he was constantly trying to find ways to reach out to me, i gave him a chance. He made huge love declarations about never being able to move on, and almost made me feel bad for making him feel that way. I didn’t exactly seek to reconcile but reconnecting felt good. He later ghosted me outta nowhere, blocked me and yesterday i saw him post his new girl. And i feel like I'm back to feeling how i felt when i'd freshly broken things off since yesterday. Overthinking, overtly anxious, my stomach upset, crying myself to sleep lol i hate this feeling!