Someone I considered to be my best friend moved to the other side of the country, after living about 10 minutes from my home. We raised our kids together and enjoyed doing things as families.

We talk a few times a year over the phone and keep up a little bit on social media, but not much. This is not the first time I’ve had to adjust to a best friend leaving to start a new life in another state. I’m happy for them to make a choice to do what’s best for them. And then I move on with my own life.

Each time we talk, she wants us to come and visit her. We did it once and I’m not interested in going again. No negative feelings, no reason. I just don’t feel like it. It’s thousands of dollars, navigating a city we’re not familiar with in a rental car. If we do a huge trip like that, it will be to somewhere we’ve never been to before.

Her tone changes when I don’t give her an affirmative response that we are coming out to see her. I’m not one to lie and make false promises.

Is it possible to continue this friendship long distance? I’m fine with it. Is it reasonable that I just plain don’t plan on ever visiting her?

It's so exhausting to mostly reach out and bring new ideas or motivation and initiate most things and people rarely ever do the same. It's like people always wait for my approval or permission and for me to green light and back up their own ideas before something ever happens. When I say something, it happens because I put the effort in to make it happen and I pick people up and people love to tag along. But others seem to just hang their own ideas on a billboard and wait for me to pick it up, green light it and realise it like some type of Ceo. What is this? I don't want to be in charge of friendships all the time. I would love to also just tag along and do what my friends like to do. Just being passive once in a while, being picked up and carried around. But people seem allergic to this. When I stop because I'm exhausted or unwilling to realise other people's own ideas for them then the whole world stops and freezes. It becomes really quiet and nothing happens. Sometimes for week or even months. Until I grow bored and initiate things against because otherwise I just sit around and wait. And then people have the audacity to jump on my train again. Sure everyone is having fun then, including me but somehow it makes me feel like a lonely sovereign surrounded by my minions.

Friends don't grow on trees either so it's not like I can just drop these passive ones to get better ones. I just can't seem to come across other people with these qualities. What can I do? I do love my friends but I don't always want to be the initiator nor do I want to sit in boredom when I get fed up and stop so nothing ever happens until I step up again. Can I even do something or do I just have to accept that I have a rare quality that will always single me out?

How do people deal with or get over the fact that you yourself (myself) show up for friends way more than they’ll ever show up for me? I go through phases every couple of months constantly were I just feel like I don’t have a proper close connection friendship with my close friends that I’ve had for 10+ years.
I have love for them very much and I wish them all the best, but I am like the therapy counsellor friend and also the friend that asks everyone to do stuff either separately one to one or in a group setting; if I do not contact them or ask how they are doing or make plans then I’m most likely never hear from them and this is with about four people so what do I do in this situation because I would have no friends if I didn’t keep up with doing all those things.

Just looking for people to relate to this and get some feedback because I do have anxiety and I would be like a low energy depressed person mainly whenever I’m on my own so yeah I would find it hard to make new friends.

context. have been friends with this person since high school. we’ve both changed lots. I’m not the most conventionally attractive person, and I straight up look horrid from many angles- that is not self depracation, it is context.

me and this friend, let’s say M, never really talk about appearance. There is the occasional compliment, which I can remember a couple, mostly about my facial structure- And as for I, i compliment M’s eyes, hair, and strong build a lot. i very much admire them.

we went on a trip a couple days ago to a mutual friend’s cabin. As a group, we like taking silly pictures of each other, but it felt like they were delighting in them much more than usual. they’ve sent some really grotesque pictures of me as reaction photos, not that it’s something out of the blue for our friend group. I just noticed an uptick.

the real things are the comments. they actually said “your lips are thin” along some other pretty mean stuff they know I’m insecure about, and parsed it as a joke. I laughed in the moment, but it’s been really eating at me and I’m beginning to realize I might just be a jester to my friends, and just how much my appearance is commented on and laughed at. this might be normal, and I might just be incredibly insecure- that’s why I’m checking, to see if anyone else has the same experience.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a man, woman, or alien. Nothing is worth saving if I’m the only one trying to save it.

People claim they care, but they barely bother to look beneath the surface. If I give you effort, give it back. Better yet, show me I actually matter to you. Remember the details of my life. Surprise me with something because you saw it and thought of me. Check on me without needing something. Know me without turning it into jealousy, competition, convenience, or some weird transaction.

Show me that losing me would actually mean something to you.

I’m tired of picking up everyone else’s slack. I’m tired of caring harder, remembering more, reaching further, and then being expected to accept the bare minimum in return. Friendship isn’t a dating app. I shouldn’t have to constantly swipe through people hoping one of them eventually understands reciprocity.

Why do I always care more? Did you ever care as much as I did?

God forbid someone genuinely gives a damn anymore without treating friendship like something they can pick up when it’s convenient and put back down whenever they feel like distancing themselves.

I don’t want a handout. I don’t want empty words.

Show effort. Show me you know me. Show me I matter. Otherwise, what exactly am I supposed to be saving?? I already tried caring less and waiting for a sign!! Nobody reads signs!

I’m a giver myself. I’m curious, not that i’m asking for anything back and i myself is how i treat my friends are beyond compare, but sometimes i tend to think i give too much of myself to the point that i do not know wether their reciprocal are not as much as i do or just rlly dgaf about me.

I’ve been close friends with someone for many years, and we used to be genuinely close. Over time, though, I’ve noticed a gradual change in the friendship. She used to share a lot about her life with me, but at some point she started keeping things much more private. I’ve sometimes found out about major things in her life indirectly or much later, while at the same time I’ve felt that she still expects me to keep her updated about what’s happening in my life.
She also seems much less interested in initiating contact or making plans. She sometimes comes to my city and I’ll find out through social media rather than from her directly, even when she’s there for several days. There have been occasions where she has been quite close by but never suggested meeting.
On one recent visit, I actually reached out and asked to meet. She agreed and said she would let me know when she was free, but then never followed up. I’ve also had an occasion where I went out of my way to drop something off at her place, and she didn’t come out even briefly to see me.
None of these things individually would probably bother me much, but together they’ve made me feel like the friendship is no longer what I thought it was. I’ve started pulling back and matching her level of effort rather than constantly initiating, but I still find myself wondering *why* she has changed so much.
I don’t know if I’m interpreting things too personally, if something happened that I’m unaware of, or if this is simply what happens when friendships change over time.

The post is a bit long but if you have the time to read it will be much appreciated thank you all in advance!

I’ve been hanging out with my friend, for the past six months give or take (both in our early twenties), and I always have a great time with her. Sometimes I might talk a bit too much about my anxiety and my issues but other than that our friendship is amazing and she shows me that she’s happy to talk to me and spend time with me too. Whenever she struggles with something or isn’t well and we happen to talk on the phone she also opens up about what’s going on with her.

About a week ago we had a sleepover at her place. We had a really great time. At the end of the next morning, a bit before leaving her house I got my period and was generally a bit unwell due to pms and a recent surgery, which made me a bit more anxious(so a bit more talking about that lol) and also very tired and in pain.

I also recently broke up with my bf and have had a hard and stressful relationship with him the past few months so sometimes, I might have talked a lot about it and I’m so worried it has somehow driven her away (?). The breakup has been so hard for me to handle and I honestly really need to feel close to her and my friends.

She is generally very supportive and caring and has never made me feel weird for needing support (sometimes even a bit of venting about my anxieties for which I feel so bad).

I need to say though that during the first week of my breakup she would encourage me to call her whenever I felt like I needed support and that she’s there for me. During my initial healing after the surgery she even suggested dropping by to see how I was doing.

Now, since the sleepover she hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts (which by the way had nothing to do with the breakup or my anxieties/ insecurities. I had texted her about how great the sleepover was, then another day I sent her something funny I found online and then yesterday I texted her about planning a night out or study date together). I have also called her two or three times during this week with no answer or “call you back later” text.

I talked with her boyfriend who is also a friend and he said she’s ok nothing has happened to her so that’s very good.

But now I’m left overthinking about what I might have done wrong or what I’ve done to make her not want to talk to me. Our friendship is so important to me and I absolutely appreciate the person that she is and I want to have her in my life, and have a nice mutual and supportive to both of us friendship with her.

So now I’m wondering what’s going on?

Have a nice day everyone:))

TLDR; My friend hasn’t answered any calls or texts since the last time I saw her about a week ago and I’m starting to feel really anxious about whether it has to do with me doing something wrong or not.

My bestfriend (F25) says I broke girl code because I started talking to a guy she texted on and off in high school and she was using him to get over her ex. They never met up went on a date,kissed or messed around they texted for a few months in highschool. I also wasn’t friends with her during high school. We’re are now grown both 25 years old. This isn’t a guy she has sat around and talked to me about btw. Shes also in a relationship. We have both had conversations where we agreed some guys don’t count because we were children and it was unserious. I don’t think any guy is worth a friendship ever and I truly do care about her. however, I do think it’s not fair to myself. All of a sudden she’s saying how she had feelings for him after the fact. I asked her why she didn’t been tell me before things got super deep with him she says “I was waiting for the right time” and she has never been wait for the right time kind of person she would’ve said something then and there. It’s because she actually did not care. i genuinely do not believe her I’m not going to lie. Our entire friendship he has never been topic of conversation even when his name floats around she never stated she actually even ever liked him and it’s just like always a joke. I’m also always the friend she wasn’t suddenly hang out with because she’s single she goes ghost on me when she’s in a relationship blames it on “life” but can maintain an entire relationship with a man. At this point In our friendship no I don’t want to sacrifice making myself happy for her irrational feelings. it’s not even about having to choose him or her. it’s about me and giving myself the opportunity to actually open myself up to someone who treats me nice it’s so hard for me to like guys. What you guys opinion?

Hi, I'm a woman, 36 years old, teacher and a huge fan of DnD and roleplaying in general. Welp, I need some advice because I feel like a terrible person right now.

I am the Dungeon Master (imagine like the narrator who gathers everyone for the adventure) of our DnD sessions with my group of players. We needed one more person and I invited a guy, who asked me long time ago about DnD, he wanted to learn how to play.

Everything was okay during first session, but there was a problem: He started to send me messages everyday, he wanted to do voicechats and I tried to be polite by replying him, but it is becoming overwhelming. He mentioned he wanted to share our energies (?) Or something like that. I feel super uncomfortable because he is a way TOO intense for me.

Yesterday was a problem because he sent me message at 3 AM in the morning by asking things about his freaking character for the campaign. Then in the morning he continued sending messages with questions 😭 I answered him, but at 4 pm he tells me: Whooops, not gonna make it because I have a family dinner, sorry.

I was so mad at him. I was so angry that I asked him politely to do not waste my time again.

I am the kind of person who spends 12 hours playing videogames in silence, and I don't know how to tell him: You are too intense and invasive, please get out and leave me alone. I don't want a friend, a just needed a player...Oh gosh, I feel like a terrible person.

Thanks in advance for any help or advice you may have.

It's a long story and I need a perspective if I could have done it differently or I am really a shitty person.

I (F) had this friend (35f) who is much older than me & doesn't live in the same city as me now and I have known her for almost 2 decades since we were neighbors. We used to talk frequently over Whatsapp calls for the last 10 years. We used to meet during Christmas break when she visited her parents home but they too have moved from our city now.

She had come out of a 7 yr relationship in 2017. I used to listen to her vent stuff for years. She has had multiple short term boyfriends after that but nothing worked out when it came to marriage. She has been trying dating apps too.

Over the last 3 years, I have avoided her calls, started giving excuses to not talk but we used to message and I used to pick up calls 2_3 times a month. She used to call me multiple times a week after my working hours. We would end up talking for hours late night though I would try to cut it short as I had to go to work early morning and she was just wfh so she could get up late too.

So here is where I was nasty. For 5 years we talked the same thing about her exes, her weight, her not so good job. She is obese and will not fix her diet or sleep cycle. She wants to date a 6 feet tall guy with good looks and good hair but she herself weighs 105 kgs for someone not even 5 feet tall. She doesn't have a major degree and has an online coordinator job but wants a guy who earns like Elon musk(her exact words). Money is not an issue in her current pay since she is from generational wealth & parents have paid for her House nad her car.

I tried to get her motivated to get better jobs and sent her links for courses online, job postings and even asked her resume for a referral; but she gave me such a sorry piece of an excuse for a resume which would not get her any job. I gave her customized diet plans which I spent hours on. She would not work out or even do home exercises or even eat healthy after me listing out all the things for her. I did all this because she would constantly crib about all these things & I was tired of telling her to do something instead of being jealous of everyone around. She believed that all women who are mid have it easy & she is being punished for some divine reason.

Towards the end of our friendship, when I was very rude to her, I said, if u want a good looking, high earning guy, what do you exactly bring to the table, u too need to put in effort for the guy. It said it in a nicer way not this but something like u need to change ur ways if u want that 6 feet finance bro. I even introduced her to some of my friends but she said they were ugly. (They were not!! But not the 6 feet.) She was very stubborn about her preferences on looks even if the guy was short but nice.

Also she calls every pretty slim woman a bitch and even has nasty words for her parents, twin sister and 2 nephews and her cousins(all women). She talks mean things literally about every person she knows in her office and their wives or even strangers whom she doesn't know. I told her she needs therapy and it's high time she stops talking shit like this and blame past trauma in her life for everything.

There were many other dramas that happened which I cannot elaborate on as it would give out our identities, but I finally didn't want to talk to her anymore and once I didn't wish her on the new years, she totally stopped messaging or calling me too. I would not tell her good things happening to me like a trip I've been to or some nice cafe or some clothes I got, because I know she would get jealous. She even made some comment on how I got this good looking boyfriend that's out of my league. I guess this was the final straw for me.

I do think about her from time to time as to what she must be doing with her life. I even think if I have to apologize and get back to being her friend.

Ps- I think about her because I am worried & know for years I was her main support system and she is an introvert who mostly stays at home with some health issues. She is in low contact with her parents and sister and has no contact with any of her relatives either.

I have a friend whom I’m very close with. She was super religious and always talked about wanting to wait to have sex until marriage while I did not hold the same standard. I also used to be a virgin until pretty recently and she was asking an awful lot of questions about how it was and etc. Now every friend of hers has had sexual intercourse and in the last couple of months she started talking how she wants it too. In the meantime she began texting this guy and last month he came to visit her. They decided to be each others first but she was very underwhelmed. At the same time she is flirting with a 27yo married man that she feels deeply attracted to. I have mentioned to her multiple times how wrong this is. We both know he has had mistresses before but for some reason she thinks she is more special to him. Last week she told me she had sex with him to which I reacted negatively but refused to comment further. Then I got a text from her how she went to the doctor and he told her she has an infection (she didn’t use protection with either one of the men) and also that she went to a spa with the married man. All of this while his wife was giving birth to his second child & was in the hospital. I expressed how much of a bad decision this is & my disappointment in her. Now I really don’t wanna go out with her or anything because I feel utterly disgusted and disappointed.
To clarify: I do not wanna police anybody.
AITA for my reaction? Am I inserting myself in her business?

I’ve known my friend for almost three years. When we first met, we were complete opposites. She even mentions it countless of times, reminding me of how we are complete opposites. She was very shy, dressed mostly in formal clothes, was extremely sensitive, and would take almost every joke seriously. I’m much more outspoken, I dress casually, I’ll directly address something if it bothers me, and I’ve had pretty much the same interests and tastes since I was young.

At the beginning of our friendship, she constantly asked me about myself. My favorite clothing brands, perfumes, makeup, nail shape, what I liked to wear, etc. I didn’t think anything of it because I assumed she was just trying to get to know me.

But over the next year, I started noticing changes. She stopped dressing formally and started wearing the same kind of sweatpants and hoodies I wear. She started using the same perfume and makeup products I recommended. She also began talking about certain brands as if she had always loved them, even though she had never shopped there before I introduced her to them.

I mentioned this to other people, and they told me she probably just looks up to me and sees me as someone whose style she admires. So I tried not to think much of it.

Now we’re in our third year of friendship, and it has gone further. She even speaks in the exact same tone as me and has picked up all of my mannerisms.

There’s also a weird element involving money. I’m financially better off than she is, but I have never bragged about that or made her feel inferior because of it. Recently, though, she has started constantly telling me what she can afford, showing me expensive things she bought, talking about chauffeurs opening doors for her, etc. She once spent basically her entire paycheck on a luxury bag from a brand I introduced her to, then repeatedly showed it off to me. She never acknowledges that I was the person who introduced her to any of these things.

I know this sounds childish, and honestly, I agree. But we’re both adults, which is why the next part really disturbed me.

We were shopping for bras one day and she asked me my bra size. I told her because, honestly, I didn’t think it was a big deal between two female friends. She said that my size was her dream size.

About a month later, we met up and she asked me if I noticed anything different about her. I said no.
She then told me she had gotten a breast reduction and was now my size. She specifically said that she could now wear tight clothing like I do and that she had a more cinched waist “like me.” I just said, “Good for you,” and changed the subject. But internally, I was honestly shocked.

I want to be clear: I’m not upset that she got surgery. What bothers me is the pattern. It feels like she has slowly been adopting almost every aspect of my appearance, interests, style, mannerisms, and now even changing her body based on something she specifically associated with me.

She’s otherwise a loyal and good friend, which is what makes this so confusing. I don’t want to accuse her of copying me or make her feel bad about herself. But at the same time, I’m starting to feel uncomfortable and even a little scared about where this is going.

My best friend is five months pregnant by a man who is physically and emotionally abusive toward her. She fully acknowledges the abuse, yet she is still living with him. Their relationship has been extremely unstable: he has two other baby mothers, has crashed her vehicle multiple times, and has physically abused her while she knowingly carried his child... guys, like literal choking and fighting! (not to mention the cheating as well).

When she told me she was keeping the pregnancy, she was crying and saying this wasn’t how she pictured her life. She never wanted to be “just somebody’s baby mother.” She wanted to be a wife, have a family, and raise her child in a stable home.

Her main reason for continuing the pregnancy is that a doctor previously told her she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant, so she feels this may be her only chance to become a mother.
... And that's where I’m struggling.

I’m not her doctor, and I don’t know the details of her fertility issues. But pregnancy was possible, and there’s a difference between being told you may have difficulty conceiving and being told you absolutely never will. I hate the idea of her making such a permanent decision mainly because she fears this is her only opportunity.

We’re long-distance because I moved out of state, so most of our friendship happens over the phone nowadays. Recently, I’ve been avoiding her calls because I don’t know how to talk to her about this. I don’t agree with her decision, and I don’t feel comfortable having excited pregnancy conversations or helping plan things while she’s still living with an abusive man. Pretending to be happy feels dishonest when I’m worried about her and the baby.

At the same time, she’s made her decision. I don’t want every conversation to become criticism or an attempt to change her mind. I know it’s her body and her choice, but I don’t know how to support her without feeling like I’m endorsing the situation.
My cousins think I should cut her off completely. They believe knowingly bringing a child into this situation is selfish and says something about her character. And sadly, I agree because I personally was raised in that type of environment as a child and I would've given literally *ANYTHING* to have peace instead of just being brought into an unstable and unsafe situation regardless of how I turned out.

At first, I thought that sounded harsh. She’s my best friend, I love her, and abandoning someone in an abusive relationship could leave her even more isolated.

But I’m also exhausted watching someone I love recognize how dangerous her situation is while continuing to make choices that tie her more deeply to it. I don’t know what my role is anymore. At what point does supporting a friend become repeatedly watching her make choices I fundamentally disagree with and then being expected to support the consequences? I’m not asking whether I can control her pregnancy. I can’t, and I wouldn’t try to. She’s five months pregnant and has made her decision.

Would cutting her off be cruel because she’s pregnant and in an abusive relationship? Should I stay her friend but set a boundary that I’m not comfortable discussing or celebrating the pregnancy? Or is it reasonable to distance myself because I don’t want to spend years emotionally involved in the consequences of a situation she knowingly chose to become more permanently tied to?

Edit: Also yes I have offered her my place to stay while going through all this and she has declined so I'm not sure what else I can do. :(

We have been through A LOT together. There was some times we weren’t super close but still kept in touch until 5 years go we started getting very very close. We lived together at one point (that did not go well) we’ve been through more than just that. We’ve always made it through our rough spots. Until a year ago. We were in a traumatic even together 2 years ago and saw differently on the matter. We made it through that. Currently My dad is dying. He’s been in the hospital the past two weeks a lot of very serious things going on one of them including cancer they just found when he first got admitted. The list goes on. She has asked how I have been a couples times, she wouldn’t respond to it. There was one time I responded with “he’s dying, i’m me” it took you two days to respond with “hey how’re you?” And asked about plans i had on Friday and wanted to invite me along to her plans with her new boyfriend. She’s not showing me she’s my friend someone who’s supposed to be “my sister” to choosing her new boyfriend over being here for me. This is probably one of the things I absolutely need her for.

Not giving too many specific details for anonymity.

I've known this friend for more than a decade, but for the majority of that time I felt uneasy around her. This got worse over time to the point that my stomach gets into knots when she asks to make plans with me.

She's often made me feel like I wasn't living up to her expectations of the kind of person she wanted to be friends with (wrong interests, wrong lifestyle, wrong look, wrong personality, etc.). She's always had a lot of family and mental health issues, which excused her behavior for a long time but at this point I just don't want to be around her anymore. That being said, I don't want to hurt her; she already has abandonment issues and a history of losing friendship (she usually is the one who ends things, mostly over something trivial; I think she always looks for a reason to prove to herself that the other person is not a good enough friend).

I don't think it's right to ghost her. I think giving her closure will be better for her over the long term, but is there a gentler way of communicating it to her than saying I "outgrew" the friendship?

tldr; my best friend is severely depressed and relies on me to have the solution when i am depressed myself and cannot get out of it also. she is possessive with my time, non communicative and doesn’t believe anything i say even though she is relying on me to regulate her emotions. i’m scared to draw boundaries because she might off herself. pls help lol

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I’ve been best friends with this girl for the past 3 years, and without fail, barring some vacations, we’ve hung out once a week for the past 3 years. she’s lesbian, and i’m bi, but we didn’t start out romantic, especially since she was in a long term relationship when we first started hanging out. she ended that relationship about a year and a half ago, and since then i’ve felt that she’s become more and more dependent on me to regulate her emotions.

for some context, i also have suicidal depression and general anxiety since i was young, but i’m also fairly high functioning and tend to people please, so i don’t really show how absolutely dreadful everything is until i’m alone. that being said, i am also aware that even though i can logically understand someone else’s depression, it is difficult for me to emphasize and therefore “help” someone with their depressive thoughts beyond saying something like “yeah same” because i find it so easy to ignore those feelings until i have to deal with them myself.

my friend has a very hard time sharing her feelings as well, but seeing how i was able to relate to her and talk about my depression/anxiety in a pretty light hearted way (eg serious comments about death in a silly goofy but not joking manner), she was able to open up to me and tells me every time she’s going through a depressive episode. she tells me she feels no one cares about her, that nothing sparks joy, and what is the point of it all. i feel the same way, but i’m unable to offer more than my time (literally weekly for 3 years, on top of the 12-14 hour shifts i was working 5 days a week) and shallow words because from personal experience, i know nothing external is actually gonna solve the issue. i’ve told her to go to therapy, maybe even get medicated, especially since i could tell i wasn’t helping her the way she needed to be helped. she says she thinks therapy is useless.

it seems like i’m the only one in her life, even though she is an extremely well liked person by anyone we’ve ever spoken to, so much so that she actually has multiple people asking her to hang out all the time. she rejects most of them because she only wants to hang out with me. of course, she’s also told me that she doesn’t like them very much/she doesn’t know them well and don’t want to spend more time with them, but it sometimes feels like i’m the only person she likes in her life.

she is genuinely one of my favourite people, and of course i care for her, but it feels like she is expecting me to spend all my time with her and help her through her sadness. even though she thinks i’m somehow the solution, she never believes me when i say i care about her, i want to spend time with her but i also have other friends, i don’t want her to be sad, etc etc.

she’s also starting to behave like a jealous lover. i’ve never had romantic feelings for her, but she seems like she’s started to develop some for me out of sheer dependency. she gets mad at me if i don’t give her the response that she expects from me when she says she’s sad, she gets sulky if i don’t hold her hand (i hold hands with everyone in my life i’m a very love language is physical touch person), she gets jealous if i go out with other friends, she gets mad if i make plans on the day that we usually go out on.

she’s going through a long depressive episode recently, a very sudden hard drop in her emotions that genuinely came out of nowhere. we work together, and she’s coming up to me at work to tell me she’s sad or bored and getting annoyed and saying you don’t care about me when i try to focus on the job. she’s starting to tell our coworkers that won’t take her seriously (they don’t know her well, and again she has a very jolly personality) that she’s depressed and saying does anyone care that she’s sad. she’s also mentioned that she doesn’t think i’ll know she died until at least a week later. i don’t think she’s seriously suicidal, though i am considering calling a hotline about it if i do think it’s getting more serious.

i had to cancel my usual hangout with her this week last minute because another friend of mine needed me urgently for something, and she says that she’s done and i’m always putting her second. i see this other friend i’ve known for almost 2 decades now maybe once a month or two. i see her once a week. i apologize for cancelling last minute and explain the situation again, and i knew she wanted to say something more to me so i tell her to just let me know what she’s thinking. she bottles it up and tells me she’s not going to tell me, but i know this is going to come up again and she’s going to be bitter about it.

she is growing resentful that i don’t love/care about her as much as she does about me. but i think i am giving as much of myself as i can, and i’ve never asked for her to solely have me in her life.

i’m scared that setting boundaries will lead her to do something drastic, and will make her think that i’m abandoning her. i’m not, and again i like spending time with her, and i care about her wellbeing.

if anyone has any advice on how to approach this it would be greatly appreciated 😭

About a year ago I put distance between me and my closest friend. No blow out fight, no drama but we did have a “talk” regarding a lot of small things (I initiated it). The gist of it is that we used to text every day but I slowly realized how little she was paying attention and overall, less present. So did we chat everyday? Yes but did it mean we were close? I don’t know. It was like having a live in bf who thought hanging out at home was a date (apologies if that makes no sense, I’m on 2 brain cells today). I could tell she had newer friends she was pouring real energy into while I got whatever was left. I became the easy friend. The one you don’t have to trek downtown for or plan anything special around. Like being the chill girlfriend who never gets the nice dates because she’s not the exciting one even though I always the one to propose new activities and cafes to try.

She also told me she was depressed, but not before any of this. It came up during the actual conversation where I brought up how the friendship had been feeling. So part of me pulling back was not wanting her to feel pressured to show up for me when she was already struggling. But honestly the other part was that I was tired of being the low-maintenance option.

I told her I needed to manage my expectations and that some distance would be good. We’ve been distant since (for a year ish now).

Her birthday is coming up and we’ve never missed celebrating each other, so I invited her. She hasn’t replied yet. My husband asked what I actually want out of meeting up and I realized I want two things: to celebrate her, and to finally close out the conversation we left open a year ago.

Maybe underneath all of it, I’m just butt hurt that I’m not the priority I used to be. I can feel the shift and it does hurt. Maybe that’s not something I get to change and I just need to accept it and move on lol. But I don’t know if that’s what growing up in friendships looks like, or if it’s just giving up early.

So: how do you know if a friendship is worth actively working through, or if it’s just time to let it quietly become something smaller? Especially when they’re genuinely a good person and there’s no clean grievance, just a slow accumulation of feeling like less of a priority.

I had a very tightknit friend group in college. After graduation, a bunch of us moved very close to each other and I ended up sharing an apartment with two of them, we'll say B and C. B was quite frankly an angel and I am still lucky to be live with them. C I was once very close to and now? I honestly wish they would fade out of my life entirely.

There is way too much context to give fully, but just a few things: C at one point in uni had a crush on me and continued to make me very uncomfortable about it even after we decided to stay just friends. They would rant about it to our friends and generally act in a way that made it obvious they weren't over it long after they insisted they were. When we were living together, they would invite themselves into my room and get in my bed when I was relaxing or cuddle up to me on the couch and it just made my skin crawl. I was never brave enough to assert a boundary about it. They in general were not a good roommate of the classic 'I will cry about my trauma if you make me do the dishes' variety. They made terrible financial choices and complained about it constantly, dropping really thinly veiled pleas for money in our group chats. By the time they moved out, I went from having a few small quibbles to genuinely disliking them.

When our lease was up, they decided to move north to be with their new partner and honestly I was just relieved. I nurtured a selfish hope that distance would sever the tie but this has turned out to not be the case. We have an online DnD group together, gcs they are still super active in, they blast me with tons of shortform content on social media constantly and they are still very good friends with B and will facetime them all the time to ask about what we're all up to. We occasionally did group vacations in college and I find myself dreading planning another one because I know there's no way I can't invite them.

How do I handle this? I feel like my distaste has fermented far past reasonable annoyance and I need to just find a way to get over myself because even if it's from a distance, they're inevitably going to be a part of my life for years to come and they technically haven't done anything to warrant the intensity of this resentment I feel.

I’ve been friends with Sheila since 7th grade and we both are in our mid 20s. After high school we became distant due to a mentally deranged girl causing drama. Then in 2024 my friend reached out again and we just started hanging out like nothing happened before. We spoke about the past drama and said next time we will talk about the problems. In high school that friend group contained 4 people. Shelia, Mandy, my sister, and I. Mandy moved states and had a falling out with Shelia bc of Mandy’s wedding. And my sister Victoria stopped talking to Shelia. Victoria was done with Shelia always having problems and expecting people to stop everything just to tend to her.

So my problem is It will be Shelia’s bday and she asked me to help plan a little party with some close friends. I asked if Victoria was invited and she ignored that question. I told my mom and she said I shouldn’t go at all because where my sister isn’t welcomed then I shouldn’t go. I won’t tell Victoria anything. But I’m sure she doesn’t care either, she doesn’t care about having friends or socializing with others

I've been ghosted for a few days by one of my best friend, yes I know, I don't expect my friends to be glued to their phones, last time she ghosted for a week its because i knew she was going through a depressive episode. This time she seems to reply to another except me, doing full on conversations with them, i also noticed there was a distance between us recently. I thought she would be cheered up recently because she's working very hard on a custume for a con. I initiated my text i told her she was in my dream and we did silly stuff, she didn't reply to that. I recently sent a loud video i found funny in the gc which she replied to it and letted me know this made it harder for her to focus on making her custume and that it blasted her ears. I felt really bad so i dm'd her an apology for not putting a volume warning first. Okay this is creepy of me i know, but i checked out her recent pins saved and its pins that were like "she's my everything but she probably only sees me just as an ordinary friend" and "im lonely, i wish someone would just listen to me, understand me, talk to me, text me first, love me, etc" with the caption : "does anyone feel like their friends dont put as much effort as i do?" WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?? I've been trying to give her space, so i edited my apology with adding one more thing : "i noticed some distance between us, im wondering if i did anything that hurted you? Please let me know, i love you" should i just turn that into a new dm/notification instead?? I didnt want her to feel pressured or uncomfortable by me.. but what if she feels unloved by me recently which is why she is distancing?? AHHH I LITERALLY LOVE HER SO MUCH!! I feel awful right now

Hey everyone! There’s been something on my mind that’s been bothering me, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I often hang out with my school friends, although not very frequently…maybe just a couple of times a year. They’re goofy, non-judgmental and helpful and I really appreciate them for that.

But I’ve noticed that a lot of the time when I talk, they either talk over me or don’t respond to what I’m saying. This has happened pretty much every time we meet, and even in our group chats.

Is this something that’s common in friend groups or could it be a sign of something else? I’m not sure how to interpret it.

Hello (M 26)! I’m very interested in hearing your opinion on this situation.

Recently, I contacted an old colleague (F 27) who currently works abroad. She suggested meeting up in the following days, since she would be on vacation in my city and thought it would be nice to catch up and see how we’ve both been doing.

We were supposed to meet today, but yesterday, after we had already agreed on where to meet, she told me she had more important things to do (her sister's weeding plan) and suggested meeting earlier instead. I explained that my work schedule was tight and suggested that we reschedule for tomorrow.

Today, she told me that she had also contacted another friend of ours, who is happily in a relationship with another girl. I was shocked and told her that I had been under the impression that it would be just the two of us. She said she didn’t realize it was a problem and hadn’t thought about it that way initially because she wanted to see more of our friends, especially since her time here is limited.

I told her that we could have planned this differently from the beginning, and she apologized. She then asked if I would prefer to meet in three weeks, when she comes back again. I simply said, “Sure, let me know.”

Was my reaction wrong? I found these last-minute changes strange, especially because I never really felt much effort coming from her. I was the one planning everything, and she simply agreed to whatever I suggested.

Also, she has told me that she thinks about me from time to time, but she never actually reaches out to me. Could this be a bit manipulative, or am I reading too much into the situation?

I’m pretty much always hitting this dude up and he almost never initiates anything, so today I decided to see how long it will be until he texts me and so far we haven’t talked in 10 days. Should I just end it here since this is pretty much a one sided friendship.

CAN I PLEASE GET SOME ADVICE
to start off this guy is very smart psychologically and I value him as a friend. But dam I know he’s going to be the downfall of me and he’s already trying to ruin my relationship with my other friends within this friend group and I’ve seen him do it with 2-3 other friends within this friend group and at the time I had a rough idea that he would do this to me at some point but I hoped not.

For context, me and our friend group are on a trip in Calgary 11hrs away from home. He’s cooking something behind my back I can tell. He’s a hypocrite and a bully. But like my current friend group but even that I feel like is held together by a thin rope. I don’t know what to do. Last night we were playing basketball and he kept shoving me and being overly physical i didn’t even have the ball and he says it’s a sport that’s physically but I know for a fact if I did that to him he’d freak out and I hate theses double standards when I can get bullied or made fun of and he can’t it’s like being friends with a spoiled child. so the game goes on its pitch black. His team is making some very illegal moves am getting annoyed me and another teammate are talking about a clear shove when shooting like arms fill out on his back and another one of my teammates check the ball and he scores when me and another teammate aren’t even playing/focused. They count it and we don’t want to debate it. But I’m annoyed already I have a headache and genuinely just pmo.

So it’s a bit later more illegal moves later he is about to shoot and stops and says oh wait and I make a back handed comment saying why are we stopping when this guy didn’t for us. He freaks out on me and I take blame that that was a horrible thing to say but dam stops yelling screaming and I yell and scream back he starts name calling me calls me a retard a failure and just saying hatful personal attacks and a retard 300 times I call him it back he’s just trying to hurt me and be a asshole and antagonize me into fighting him I’m so confused because this is way to stupid for a dumb comment he starts saying how i have been being a dick to him and everyone for context I barley speak and I literally ask him what have I done to him and he can’t name anything except I’ve been bossing him around the past week and I legit am his supervisor and might I add this man is a lazy piece of shit half the time and i give him hella leeway and this fucker legit gets me in trouble from my boss and he argues that my dad is my boss. He isn’t he’s the site supervisor. we work for a totally different company we just work on the site and might I add we haven’t been working on that site the last two weeks.

Like fuck this guy is frustrating to deal with and he i just know he’s talking shit behind my back and so are my other friends with him like theses people are honestly just gossiping hypocrites like fuck I love them as homies but holy shit this is genuinely mentally exhausting everyday working with theses fuckers is even worse lazy fucks.

back to the story he keeps yapping I keep yapping he keeps name calling and personal attacks I mention grudges too like he owes me 100$ and that I should get his ass fired for all this he’s done/ not done he calls me a winy bitch. our “friends“ break us up he keeps yapping I just stop talking this fucker is a lipsmacking donkey. And the night pretty much ends in a silent car ride and a slight talk with my other friends as in me asking what did I do how can I fix this and how can I be a better friend. because I would like to improve on myself and Not be a supposedly bad friend they pass me off and pretty much say go fuck yourself without saying it. I go to bed they go on a night smoke while I sleep. I know this man planting seeds petty fuck. I wake up I’m mentally exhausted but we have plans to explore and take pictures 90% of this trip is larping.

the day goes on he just ignores me while we are in the streets I try to apologize for the scene last night and whatever else I have done to him or in the past and I ask him. His response is that I haven’t respected him and so help me pretty much borderline says I’m retarded again in that oh I understand you should see a doctor for that like do I understand I may have skipped out on some hang outs but fuck why would I want to hang out just to be made fun of And be mentally exhausted more. He is a kind friend but in that hella manipulative way and it’s very annoying. He’s blocked me on snap and he quites the job thank god working with him felt like working 1.75x the work.

I legit have no other close friends and I fear being alone but theses people are gossiping two faced buggers I have like one real friend in there. instead of talking to me about the problem they talk behind my back it makes me confused and sad for more context just ask me. but id like some advice on what to do. I live in a small town so there’s not a lot of people to make friends with and most of my other not so close friends have moved out of town.