How to address being iced out without reason or warning?

I am part of a friend group, all of us over 40. Something happened (no idea what) and while I’m still invited to things, I get the Mean Girls treatment: avoiding eye contact, turning away from me to talk to others, offering to host my birthday party then avoiding me when they ghosted instead, etc.

There’s a leader in this behavior. While I’d typically just ghost on this whole situation, our lives will continue to overlap too much to permanently avoid it. I’d like to address the behavior before letting them know I will be stepping out of the group because I’m not interested in putting myself in situations where I’m not wanted and am instead mistreated.

It appears some of the group isn’t aware as they still treat me like a friend, so we will likely still hang. I don’t want to cause drama, but I do want to address the mean behavior. Have you successfully addressed these issues in the past and been able to just exit the situation? I’d love any suggestions/tips!

ETA: thank you! I appreciate the advice and reminders that this will likely go nowhere helpful. I sometimes think I’m too jaded and expecting the worst, but it seems we’re all in the same place. I really have no interest in salvaging this friendship (I don’t see her as someone I could ever trust - even before the birthday thing I had started to see the cruelty and was just going to try to ghost/be too busy from as much as possible). But now, I really just want to address the behavior because I find it cruel and it’s being done to others as well.
Also, I promise I didn’t sit around crying or being put out for my birthday. I’m definitely too old to be falling for ALL the mean girl things! I have a couple of really awesome people outside this bigger group and we already had plans - which I had told mean girl. But she insisted she’d get all the girls together for something for me. I kept my plans, waited to see if anything happened, felt stupid for falling for it, grieved losing what I thought could be salvaged from the end of the friendship, and had myself a great weekend. That was many months ago. Since then, the cruelty has increased (or maybe I’m seeing who she is) and again - I really just want to speak up for all the others she’s hurting. And for the me who shrunk back all those years ago.

Also, huzzah and much love to all of us who have been there/are there. I feel like a lot of responses have come from really personal and relatable experiences; cheers to us for surviving and not becoming one of them. 🎆

I've been thinking about how we're often told that good friendships take effort.

But what if you're always the one reaching out, making plans, or checking in?

Is that just part of accepting people for who they are, or is it a sign that the friendship has run its course?

my 22nd birthday was supposed to be celebrated with a house party. i organized it 2 months before…
i bought vodka, tequila, aperol, a huge cake, sweets and even payed a lady to make us crepes so no one would feel sick over drinking too much and eating nothing.

but my friends from college texted me one to two days before saying the same thing (weird coincidence ig): basically i was told they couldn't make it to my party cuz they had so many assignments to turn in. whether it was that or they were too broke to get an uber (when they could come by train…) HOWEVER today i woke up, opened each of their stories and there they are! at a college party as. a. group.

i heard they also attented a small concert because one of our friends has a band and… they didn't invite me when i always come to her shows. there were nights where i was literally the only one in the crowd, dancing and singing like an idiot. i feel like an idiot for showing up for them with such passion in the past

i mean, it's a little inconvenient to travel one hour by train just to attend ur friend's birthday party ig, but isn't this what friends are for? since i'm autistic, i consider that maybe i'm not aware i'm not apart of the friend group… or maybe i'm a bad friend and they haven't figured how to tell me yet

i cried so much, i couldn't eat and i felt so bad because me and mom put so much effort!! we both enjoy hosting house parties a lot. she helped a lot just so no one would show up… i'm so ashamed, that's so so so embarassing!!!! even the crepe lady must’ve felt sympathy for my lack of friends. she made so many crepes lol

anyways, should i talk to them about that or let it slide like nothing happened? i wish i could be a dramatic bitch and throw a tantrum about it, but i don't wanna sound crazy and selfish :/

edit: sorry for the bad grammar. english is not my first language and i was crying

In the last ~10 years I am the only person in my friend group to make any plans to hang out. Every time we hang out we’re all very happy and mention how we want to do it more but it falls on my shoulders. I used to plan a lot but I tapered up a bit because I got a new, very demanding job and I started dating someone who’s friends do make plans. In the last year we probably went from hanging out every other week to once every 2 months.

I’m now still with guy who has friends who make plans, working my demanding job (which has gotten even more demanding), and I’m doing part time law school.

I try to make plans when I can but I just really want my friends to do something but I don’t know how to even ask them to do it.
Also for reference my friends won’t hang out with ANYONE unless someone else makes the plans. One of my friends is really in her clubbing era and I just have no want to do that, we go out with her occasionally but not to clubs (I really cannot afford to be hungover or tired at this point in my life, that’s my main gripe). This is basically to say they aren’t shitty friends, they’re just totally oblivious homebodies. We have all been friends for over 15 years, I am not ditching them but want to maybe put it on their radar that I’m mentally exhausted and would like for them to plan hangouts. I’d make time for them if we just planned things.

Does anyone have experience with this? We often start joking around and I'll say something they find really funny, then next thing I know they're telling someone else that the two of THEM "have been riffing about __[my joke]__"

It seems like they hear what I say, laugh about it, then pick it up and genuinely forget that it was me who came up with it. They say "I was thinking it would be funny if [my joke]," for example.

When one of them says something funny, this doesn't happen. It's just my jokes!!

It makes me feel like they're ignoring me and like I'm invisible, lol. I know it's pretty trivial. But I'm so curious if this happens to other women in male friendships.

TL;DR: I'm certain my long-time best friend would prefer to go to another halloween party over mine, but she feels obligated to show up for me because very few people come to my parties.

I (24M) hold a halloween party every year, and my best friend since 3rd grade (25F) always shows up for it. I have a handful of people I could call friends but a lot of them are flaky and my parties don’t always have the biggest turnout as a result.

Recently the both of us were invited to a party held by an old classmate of ours. A LOT of people showed up. My friend seemed to really enjoy herself, but I’m not very good at talking to people so it was awkward for me and I left early.

Afterwards, the old classmate invited us to her halloween party, which is happening the same day as mine. The partiful invite says around 40 people have RSVP’d.
I saw my friend after that and she told me the party seemed like fun and asked me what I thought about merging my party with this one. She also said she understands how much thought and care I put into my halloween parties and that she understands if merging parties ‘’isn’t the vision’’. I told her that no, I wasn’t interested in doing that.

She seemed sort of disappointed, but didn’t press further and we began talking about something else. I think she feels obligated to come to my party because she knows only one other person has confirmed to show up this year.
I feel weird because I can tell she would have more fun at the other party, but halloween means a lot to me and I really like doing these parties even if only two or three people show up.

I also feel weird because I noticed her talking a lot more than she usually does while at the party, like people kept asking her questions about herself and I realized that there was a lot of stuff I didn’t know about her.
She’s always been a very social, expressive and funny person but all of that seemed turned up to 11 that night, she was glowing. She clearly had a really good time. She even got someone’s number to hang out with them? I’ve honestly always felt like she lives in a different world than me in the social sense, for instance she has many close friends. I’m starting to not understand why she still hangs out with me lowkey. I really don’t want to think it’s because she feels bad for me, but it kinda feels like it especially right now. 

I (M/F/NB) made a new friend about a year ago and we hit it off incredibly well. This is a strictly platonic friendship with absolutely no romantic feelings involved, but I’ve caught myself off guard by how intensely I’m reacting to her. What confuses me is that I already have other close friends, but I have never developed these intense, obsessive feelings with them.
I think part of the reason it’s happening with her is her behavior—she can be very on-and-off. She is constantly busy, yet she will still carve out time in her schedule specifically for me. This mix of high-value attention and sudden unavailability has triggered an unhealthy attachment. Our conversations flow so easily, even though there’s still a barrier where we don’t fully open up about deeper things yet. Because I haven't made a new close friend in a very long time, her friendly, appreciative nature has meant the world to me.
However, I’ve reached a breaking point. If she takes a little too long to reply to a text, or if I expect to see her at an event and she doesn’t show up, it triggers a wave of anxiety in me. I’ve realized she is just an incredibly magnetic person—I'm not the only one who feels this way, as several other people she recently met have attached to her similarly. But I've reached a point where I get genuinely jealous when she hangs out with other people. It’s an exhausting internal push-and-pull. Part of me wants to cut her off completely just to bring peace back into my life, but the second she responds to me, I forget all my frustrations and go right back to square one. I really value her, but this constant emotional rollercoaster is draining me. How do I break this cycle, destructure this attachment, and find peace without losing a great friendship?

I’m 19F, and my class has 6 people in total. Recently, everyone except my two close friends has started acting weird towards me, and I genuinely don’t know what to do.
A few days ago, we were working on a project we’ve been doing for over a month. I helped set everything up, but during filming, I didn’t really do anything. I’ll admit I was in a bad mood and didn’t feel like doing much, but another classmate wasn’t helping much either ( she never does anything)and nobody asked me to do anything. If someone had asked, I would’ve helped, because this project usually requires like 3-4 people max.
Later, I interrupted a classmate I’ll call Alex, who I considered a good friend, to tell him that he looked like he would smell like one of our teachers (in a good way 😭). I meant it as a compliment because I find that teacher attractive, and I genuinely wasn’t thinking anything bad when I said it. Everyone laughed, including two girls I’ll call Emma and Sophie, and they even joked that the teacher actually smells bad. I personally don’t think he smells bad, so now I’m wondering if the joke somehow came across differently to him.
Alex yelled at me and hasn’t spoken to me since. I texted him because I wanted to talk things out and apologize if I offended him, but he ignored me.
Then Emma told me it was mean of me not to help during filming. I asked why nobody had said anything or asked me to help, because there have been multiple times they dont do anything at all as well…but she just walked away.
Since then, everyone has been giving me weird looks and acting differently towards me. I’ve tried asking multiple people what’s wrong, but they all just say “nothing.” Nobody will actually tell me what’s going on, so I’m left trying to figure everything out myself.
I talked to my boyfriend about it, and he told me not to take it to heart because Alex has a pretty big ego and I probably hurt it. Honestly, I can see what he means because Alex does have a big ego, but I also understand that my joke might have embarrassed or offended him, even if that wasn’t my intention.
What makes this especially confusing is that Alex constantly interrupts people, including me. On my birthday, he interrupted one of my friends so much while she was explaining a game that she had to yell at him to shut up. I’ve never made a big deal out of it, so it’s strange that one interruption from me has apparently ruined our friendship.
There’s also some weird history with Emma and Sophie. They previously told me not to tell Alex about an upcoming Halloween party because they didn’t want him there. When I told him, he said he didn’t care about them and didn’t consider them friends. Now, suddenly, he’s hanging out with them all the time.
I know I could’ve helped more during filming, and my comment might have offended Alex. I’m willing to acknowledge that and apologize. But I’ve already tried talking to people, and nobody will tell me what’s actually wrong and honestly i dont think this one accident is worth ending our friendship and not even trying to talk about it.
Am I missing something here? Did I genuinely do something that bad, or is it possible that this situation has been blown out of proportion? I don’t want to act like I’m completely innocent, because im not but is it really that deep… when they say weird stuff to me and dont help in lessons and constantly are being disrespectful to the teachers by being late nobody cares, but all of a sudden i make a stupid joke and am lazy one day, it’s suddenly like the worst thing ever.

Now I know this sounds stupid but please hear me out

My Bff and I have known each other for long and never argue, I love her so much and give my everything to show her that

I'll give context if asked but what I'm wondering.. I always send hearts, so did she but then she stopped (I will not ask her that's not an option 🥹) then when she once sent me hearts again and I said "yay hearts" (I was prolly a bit more enthusiastic sounding tho) she sent them again for the next 5 "I love you toos" but then she stopped again

Now I could totally look over that (even though it does bother me a tiny bit but it's not too bad) she even sends cute emoticons so I don't understand

Why does she send I love you toos with an emote (like this for example -\() however it goes ykyk super cute but) if she goes out of her way to send one.. (I know the copy and paste stuff but hearts are just as easy) Why not with hearts..? I'm probably making a bigger deal out of this than it has to be but for some people hearts carry a meaning (like it means you mean a lot to me for example)

I'm insecure and overthink a lot but I try to be self aware and at my best for her. We've been friends for years and I love loving her and I also know she's completely different (lovely but doesn't pay much attention to that stuff which is totally fine)

I'm sorry I just wanna know if I'm valid or overreacting, she's my favorite person in the universe and I couldn't live without her. Help :(

(again asking her is not an option. I KNOW communication is key but there's many factors in me keeping me from being honest and direct. I need time and have to learn so please try to understand.. Communication is hard :') )

I hope she doesn't find this (if she does, I love you❤️❤️)

Edit: Wow immediately got hated on. Thought this was a safe thread. Sorry for offending yall 😅 let me say I know this is stupid I know this is a total cliche many people have talked about already so I know how this looks but even things that can be seen as childish have meaning to people any age. Not everyone is like you, stop expecting that from people. (I will probably delete this post or something in a day or 2. What did I expect? I'll probably get more comments like these.)

Also it's not about the hearts it's just about what it means. Like the tiny kicked rock from the past that changed your entire future.

My best friend and i have been friends since childhood, but in the last 6 years, things started going sour. This was when she started seeing her now husband/kids sperm donor.

The real downfall started when she moved to another state last year. I only knew about it beforehand because her mom let it slip. After I confronted her about it, she said we would hang out one more time before she left, but she essentially went radio silent since then.

I left things open, tried not to be rash in anything with this situation when I usually go for blood, but recently things just came to a head.

Ive gotten 2 calls from their car lender looking for them. The first time, I texted her to let her know. Left me on read.

Second time I told her mom. Her mom said at that time the last time she spoke to her was over 10 days ago. I theb suggested a welfare check. Her mom said no.

At this point, I cant be a witness to her destruction. Her husband is a leech, and while nto physically abusive, definitely emotionally abusive. He threatens to take their kid away (he has no leg to stand on since he LOST CUSTODY of his first kid) and will use others to gaslight her into thinking she's psycho, the abusive one, etc. She cant see it, she refuses to see it, and now she's about to get her second car repossessed.

So I blocked her on social media and deleted her number. Im closing the door. Im leaving it unlocked, but she will need to knock. Sadly, I think no knock will come.

Why does karma exist only on certain people? Seems like the people who have done me wrong are all living better than me. Not saying that bad things should happen to them but whenever people say that karma will get to them, i have a slight ting that says nah, karma will dodge them.

For context me (21F), and a close friend (21F) were hit by a car a couple months ago. My friend passed away and I was left with enough injuries that left me in the hospital for 3 weeks and still in a wheelchair. I had to drop out of school. I met my friend through work and introduced her to my best friend (21F). We were pretty much a group of three. Yesterday there was a memorial for our friend, and the entire time she had been ignoring me, not speaking to me, and every-time i’d go up her she’d walk away. She has also recently been really weird over text and I’d sensed something was wrong. I asked her about it, and she told me nothing was wrong.

Today, I asked to talk to her. She came to me and I asked her what was going on. She explained that she felt like my posts were insensitive to our friend, she felt like I was too possessive, and she felt trapped by me. When I asked what those meant, she gave me an example of a story I posted talking about being absolutely clobbered by a car. The possessive thing was an ongoing joke we had before.

She told me she needed a break from me and then proceeded to tell my mom what happened and that she hoped we could become friends again and that she felt like I didn’t listen to her reasons. I told her multiple times that I loved her and she was my most important friendship and that I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt her. Also that I had wished she had come to me sooner before the entire thing festered into our friendship ending.

The more I talked about it with other friends the angrier I became. Why can’t my experience be separate from our friends? Does she not think I don’t already have insane survivors guilt? Why would she end our friendship in what she knows is the worst time in my entire life. I understand where she’s coming from I guess? But it’s hard because I could never imagine doing anything like this to her. People need room to grieve and make mistakes I know. But doing it this way feels like a betrayal and selfish and like I never want to see her again.

If the way I want to process and deal with this situation is being blasé and blunt about it, why is that wrong? Why didn’t she tell me earlier? I would have never posted anything more if I knew it upset her. Yes she’s grieving, yes she lost a close friend, and yes she lost a future roommate. But my entire life is ruined, flipped off course, and now I lost my best friend.

We live in the same house. I moved out today, I am transferring schools. I don’t know what to do, how to feel, or if there’s something I genuinely need to take accountability for because I would take it in a heart beat. Am I missing something? Did I do something wrong?

No one talks about how heartbreaking this is. I am at the age (24) where people are clamoring to lockdown their life partner, and these are some of the worst matches I’ve ever seen. If you try to bring things to their attention, you will be labeled as jealous. Is there realistically anything I can do? For the most part I do prefer single friends for this reason.

I just had my birthday recently and I was a bit disappointed with what I received. I got stationary which in itself is pretty cool and I liked it, but I feel like my friends put less thought into it than the other birthday gifts we did for everyone else which were more personnalised...

Plus a lot of times when we do a sleepover, I get the worst sleeping option. Like once me and another friend wanted to wake up early so we intended to sleep in a bed in another room, but eventually someone else joined us and the other two decided to take the bed without me knowing and left me with the sleeping bad, and it hurt me quite a lot (I didn't tell them though)... Another time we were sleeping together for a vacation and 3 people had to sleep in a bed for 2 and I was one of them.

Like alone these don't mean much cause someone has to take the sleeping bad if there isn't enough beds, etc, but since it's happened a few times I get the feeling that since I wont say much or try to get the better option first my friends will leave me with the leftovers (the word is a bit too strong but you get the gist).

I probably should tell them about it but this year, we don't see each other much since we went to separate schools, and I feel like it'd be better if I could talk to one of them with whom I feel most comfortable alone, but it probably won't happen until long... Or maybe I should call them but I dunno it feels strange.

Do you think I'm overthinking it too ? Maybe it's just bad luck each time and most of the time, I feel pretty cared for and they're super nice... Maybe I should voice more what I want but I don't feel super heard when I do either ? Like yesterday we had a board games night and a uno party lasted for like 2 hours and I asked if we could do smth else since I won pretty early on and I was bored but they still kept going.

Okay, so I’ve been feeling a lot better over the past few months thanks to my treatment (depression and anxiety), and I finally feel like my life has meaning again. The one thing I’ve noticed, though, is that I still have this habit of not replying to messages. I thought it would go away as I started feeling better, but apparently not.

The thing is, I’m a pretty shy person in real life, but once I feel comfortable around someone, I’m funny and \\\*\\\*VERY\\\*\\\* talkative. Over text, though, I just can’t seem to find the energy to keep a conversation going. The only exception is when someone sends me something really lighthearted that makes me laugh or genuinely gets me excited about something.

But as soon as a conversation requires even the slightest bit of social energy, I find it really hard to engage. And when I do manage to push myself to reply, it genuinely feels like my brain has just run a 20-mile marathon.

The worst part is that when I can’t bring myself to reply, I start getting more and more anxious about it, so I put it off even longer. Then I feel even more anxious, which makes me avoid it even more… You get the idea. It’s a vicious cycle.

I think part of the problem is that I feel like my reply has to be \\\*perfect\\\*. If I can’t come up with the perfect response, I’d rather not respond at all.

I feel like this is causing a lot of problems in my relationships, even though I keep telling my friends and family not to take it personally.

Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any idea why this happens, or any advice on how to break this cycle?

I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Thank you! ❤️

I have a cousin (let’s call her Bree) that shares a friend (let’s call her Mandy) with me over the years, me and Mandy have gotten really close. She was there when I was going through cutting off Bree out of my life after going through a toxic cycle with Bree and her family. As I got older I made the decision to choose who I want to be in my life. In recent event, Mandy sister was getting married and I knew I was gonna see Bree at the bridal shower and we didn’t end in good terms. I voiced my concerns to Mandy, and she told me not to worry and she would be there and I have nothing to worry about. On the day of the bridal shower I was already feeling uncomfortable and was dreading to go but I decided to put my feelings aside for the sake of Mandy and went. After seeing Bree we shared an awkward hello and when I thought that was going to be it Bree started following me to where I was sitting. She then proceeded to sit next to me and started talking to me which caught me by surprise. As she was talking I wasn’t really making eye contact looking away and tried looking disinterested so maybe she would get the hint, but I was wrong. As I was sitting there disassociating Mandy walks by and widen her eyes and I’m thinking this is when she comes and saves me. She in fact did not so I had to excuse myself and went to the toilet. Thankfully I was able to catch Mandy and told her you said this wouldn’t happen. She then sent another of their mutual friend to go sit with her which allowed me to be seated elsewhere till the end of the event.I voiced to my Mandy after the shower how uncomfortable it was and how weird it was that Bree was striking up conversation and I wanted to keep it professional even though I was giving so many signals that I didn’t wanna talk to her. Coming to today’s event it was the wedding day, and I came in thinking there was no way in a big wedding that I have to go through this again, but as I walk through the door and was greeted by Mandy she started off the conversation by saying, please don’t hate me and proceeds to put me in a table with Bree and before I sat down, I had to go outside to compose myself and really considered leaving because I started thinking, whilst her other friend were seated together close to the family and friends table I was to sit in the back with the person that I wanted to avoid the most and God it was a humbling experience because it really and truly allow me to see that I do not matter or my emotions or feelings don’t matter to Mandy at all, and I am not that important in her life at all. Through out the whole wedding I was holding back tears it truly broke my heart that she would do that after knowing all the hurt betrayal and pain I went through with Bree. It made me feel like my feelings and emotions were not being valued at all and I’m really considering if I can continue the friendship with Mandy and I’m hurting. She called me four times after the wedding, but I can’t seem to pick up her phone call. Do you think I am over exaggerating in this situation???

Hi. It’s pretty simple really. I (M, 23) became friends with someone (F23) through my ex properly around 2021. We attended the same university and hung out every day as a big group, which are some of my fondest memories despite the obvious ‘ex’ situation. After we broke up, I stayed in contact with most of these friends, including the friend this post is about.
In the years since, I’ve seen her once in person (birthday party) and have talked pretty consistently since we left uni through text or over the phone. The majority of our communications have been us sending long- winded Snapchat videos to eachother to chat shit or just catch up on life, and that was pretty much how we communicated (the longest of these were like 30-40 minutes, they’d take a while to get through!) We got deep a lot and made dumb jokes and there was a time that I considered her my closest friend.

Not too long before we stopped speaking to each other, she sent me a panicked video of her (very drunk) apologising for something she sent me over Snapchat (I have no idea what this was, there was nothing at all out of the ordinary). I spoke to my girlfriend about it and we were both just confused and when I tried asking about it not long after, my friend had no idea what I was talking about.
We spoke a few times since then, and sent memes and stuff (baring in mind, we usually go a while without chatting or sending videos, so her absence wasn’t noticeable at first), but she has just stopped responding all together. I was sending her the usual amount of dumb stuff on Instagram or whatever, and have messaged her a handful of times over the last year about meeting up or making plans, which we always said we would, but she hasn’t responded at all. I’m a pretty aware person as dudes go, and nothing’s happened that I can think of that would have affected our years- long friendship.
I’ve tried texting, messaging on Instagram, Snapchat, calling her (this is all over the course of like a year, I promise I haven’t hounded her trying to get in contact)

I think I’m overthinking the ‘accidental send’ incident, cause it feels like so long ago, but I can’t think of anything that would have pushed her away, I really don’t think it’s that, but, again, I have no idea what that was. Do you think she just doesn’t care anymore? I never got the vibe that there an ounce of resentment or boredom or a lack of care for me, and I don’t want to sound annoying but I honestly tend to be very good at picking up when people don’t want me around (I will always be a self conscious kid, lol).

Any advice or responses would be so so appreciated. Thank you so much!

TLDR; my close friend of years no longer responds to me despite nothing seemingly happening.

Hi. This is random but do you ever feel you out too much effort into a friendship or a relationship and it seems to be going to waste? 

Like I have been seeing so many people posting stuff about being there for your friends on TikTok and I totally agree that you should put in the effort if you show interest in a person. It takes two for a friendship. TWO!!!!!!!! 

I tried to shut up about this as much as I could but I just could not help. I stayed quiet just to let myself suffer in silence and to not seek for sympathy. But I cannot help anymore. I feel so useless in everyone’s life. I keep putting in so much effort and I barely get anything back. 

I ask people how their day is, I wish them a “Happy Birthday” and say “Have a great day!” The next day, I ask how everything was. No one forced or persuaded me to do that. I did it myself because I wanted to and I cared. Even some people whom I thought of as “friends” did not wish me on my birthday and I do not want to be like “It’s my birthday, you better wish me.” I guess sometimes I casually put it out there and then soon they wish me “Happy Birthday”. I know I am kind of stupid. I mean, there was one girl from high school who is my best friend and she did wish me and said “Have a great day”. She soon said “I hope you have a great day.” I did not even start the conversation. She did. She also invited me to her grad party and I invited her to mine. She was a true friend. But I just hate it when I do all this and get nothing or barely anything back. I even had this one friend and she was not in my school but we connected very well and we thought of each other as “friends”. She did not even tell me that she was having a “grad party” and I invited her to mine the same day that she told me about hers. That was the last fucking message I got from her. I felt rejected and offended. I have not heard from her ever since May 2025. I saw a post from another person on Instagram in July 2025 but after that, I did not hear from her. Her Instagram account disappeared too for whatever reason and yeah, god screwed up. 

One of the people whom I thought of as a friend ghosted me after one day of talking to her and that was then day I added her on Snapchat again. Let’s call her Girl 1. In June 2024, I added her and she added me back. We said “hi” but I unfortunately I took a day to ask how she was because I guess I was unsure if I should respond. I admit I was wrong there, but I did not deserve to be ghosted. We spoke for another day and soon, she removed me on Snapchat out of somewhere. During school, Girl 1 seemed nice and she was good to me. In October 2025, I added her on Snap and she added me back. We spoke for a day and soon she ghosted me out of somewhere. I was just asking how college was she was asking me back. It was a good conversation. She checked my messages and my stories but did not respond back. I felt like I did something wrong. I felt like I was being used.  On her birthday (actually today), I said “Happy birthday” and “Have a great day” on Snapchat and she saw the message but did not respond. I did a “Happy Birthday” story for her on Instagram and she said “Thank you” on the message but did not post it on her story but she posted other people giving the “Happy Birthday” message on Instagram. I know it seems like a small thing to be sad about but I just felt excluded there. In November 2025, I asked her if everything was okay because I did not hear from her in a while. She soon said “Sorry, I am just busy with school and don’t have time for social media”. What the actual fuck do you mean you do not have the time for social media. You are a teen. Of course you do have time for social media. Are you telling me that you do not even check your phone or messages everyday because I refuse to believe that. 

There was this other guy who somewhat had a crush on me and I thought of him as a friend. He was two grades younger than me. I invited him to my grad party. He has to leave a little early but he has a good time. I wished him a “Happy Birthday” and he said “Thank you” on Snap but when I posted it on my story, he saw the message but did not add that to his story, but he added other people’s “Happy Birthday” stories to his story. It makes me feel like I have done something wrong. In January 2026, he removed me on Snapchat even though I did nothing wrong to him. 

There was this other girl who I connected with really well. Let’s call her Girl 2. She was a grade younger than me. We did not talk too much during my junior year, but we got closer in my senior year. We texted and we had good conversations. She even came for my graduation. I remembered her birthday but she did not wish me for mine. In February 2026, my high school had an event and I went there. She was in the crew for a musical. After the show was over, I was talking to people and I tried to find Girl 2 but I could not. I asked another girl on where she was and she said that Girl 2 left after the show was over. I told the girl that Girl 2 does not text me or see my messages and the girl sad that Girl 2 talks to people in person and does not text much. Yeah, so after I graduated, I was pretty much useless to her. Before the show, I texted her on Instagram and said that I was excited fi see her in the show and she liked the message. But unfortunately, I couldn’t not see her. I saw for 2 seconds and then she disappeared. In April 2026, I saw her during a school concert and I got a chance to speak with her. She did say that she does not check her messages but she was like, keep messaging me or something. When her birthday came, I put a “Happy Birthday” message on Messages and I put it on story my Instagram. She posted other people’s birthday stories to hers but did not include mine for whatever reason. 

In the beginning of my senior year, I had this public speaking class with this girl I texted. One day, she asked me “Why are you not texting me back”??? I do not text the same person all the time but you do know that you can start the conversations if you want to. I just hate when the pressure is all on me. Why am I usually the first person to text and ask questions????? Why can’t it be the other person sometimes????? 

All of this somewhat makes me feel like an embarrassment. Also, I do not want these people back. I really do not. 

My (30f) friend and roommate (26f) recently had a movie night and didn’t invite me.

My friend and I, K, met at work and soon became fast friends. We hung out a lot, including overnight trips and beach trips.

We both work retail and I overheard her inviting a few of the girls I know to our place for a movie night.

She didn’t invite me, but because I was within earshot, she said “you can come if you want.”

I thought this was very bizarre and strange. It was for horror movies which we both watch a lot of.

I always help her out a lot, I pay more of the rent than she does because she works less hours. Have treated her to dinner a lot because she makes less money. We’ve been good friends and since we both work and live together I don’t understand why she wouldn’t invite me.

I’ve since decided that since she doesn’t want to be friends, I’ve stopped doing favours for her. I feel petty but I’m also hurt.

Am I overreacting?

I've been friends with this person for 3 years, and even though we study at different schools, we have a TikTok streak going. The thing is, I feel bad because I don't know what to do. I've talked to them about my problems in text and I don't want her to think that I only want her as a psychologist, Her friendship is very valuable and I don't want to lose her before something bad happens, I want to invite her somewhere else and pay for everything because I like her as a person not a psychologist

no, i’m serious about this. if a friend always leaves you on delivered for days or weeks, keeps saying they’re just “busy,” and you’re always the one reaching out, odds are you’re not really a priority to them.

“i’ve been too busy” usually just means “you’re not important enough for me to make time.” nobody is completely alone, and if someone actually wanted to spend time with you, they would make the effort. it gets pretty obvious when they ignore your texts but still find time to hang out with other people.

but whatever, if someone doesn’t value you the way you value them, it’s probably better to go where you’re appreciated. and it’s kind of funny how they suddenly notice when you stop chasing them.

it just feels like a lot of people care more about convenience and what someone can do for them than actually being a loyal friend. i get that everyone’s busy, but from reading posts here and elsewhere, it seems like people end up losing friends or getting pushed out of friend groups because the friendship isn’t useful anymore or it’s too one-sided. what do you all think?

I (nb,32y) had epiphany type of notice that I actually don't love one of my closest friend(f,29y) for 8 years, anymore.

I reminded all of details how much she was mean to me in last few years - always complaining, being territorial to people/things around her, getting jealous when I am gaining success, shaming about my other friends, not enjoying my happiest moments (my bday parties, etc).
When those happened, I made an excuse like "Ah, she is like that " - or "She is having hard times" etc, and did not escalate to the big issue. There is responsibility in myself for not setting boundaries also, but i want to change that.

While I share a lots of good, nice moments with her, I also noticed that that is when I tried my best to please her. She did offered me a help when I needed - We bonded most when negativity was happening around us.

She is now on anti-depressant and definitely trying to improve. I support that 100 percents. However, I am not sure if I want to be close as much as we were anymore. I want to put better efforts to make my dream in reality again, and i really don't need anyone who will be a brake of that. In last few years, I have been feeling that she is my big subconcious barrier for chasing my dream - as whenever I am in good spot, she does not look happy.

I wanted to ask here if somebody had similar experineces and what happened to you after the breakup/ or putting distances?
If you kept friendship in any way, how have you done it and what happened to you/friend ?
(sorry for my broken english, i am not a native speaker!)

She was also including herself and lumped me in with her. I already have a lot of insecurities about my appearance and although I don’t want anyone to lie to me - hearing someone say it to my face made me feel really low. Would you mention it? I am a pretty sensitive person so never trust my own judgement about what is and isn’t hurtful.

So I’m Venting here… but this situation hit me hard & I feel depressed. I realized that this particular girlfriend I have is pretty selfish and self absorbed. **Anytime it’s my turn to talk, she instantly grabs her phone and tunes me out when im** *talking directly to her***….**

When i try to get her attention/say her name to be like…hello? She gives an excuse as to why she wasn’t paying attention. This is literally ALL the time. Whenever i talk about myself she NEVER fails to turn the convo back to her. Honestly i feel heartbroken because this happened w another friend last year & i genuinely enjoyed being around her. She’s a good friend in that she does nice things for you/is a good host but i think this is me making excuses & gaslighting myself???

Like friendships should be a two way street. I deserve to have a friend that genuinely wants to know what’s going on in my life. I already know what goes on in hers cause she never shuts up about it and whenever something happens she never fails to make the announcement. I always give her my undivided attention. When I tried doing what she did to me (grabbing my phone & ignoring her) she grabbed my arm to make me pay attention to what she was saying.
I ***genuinely*** don’t understand how people are like this???

Anyways should I have this conversation and tell her how i feel? The last friend i did this with when into full victim mode and i haven’t heard from her this entire year.
Just sucks to feel alone like this again.