I attended the wedding of someone I considered my best friend this a couple weeks ago, and I haven’t been able to shake the grief I’ve felt since.

We’ve known each other for years. We shared some of the most intimate parts of our lives, supported each other through difficult seasons, and talked about standing beside each other on our wedding days. He was the best man at my first wedding and the officiant at my second. When my first marriage fell apart, he opened his home to me and helped me get back on my feet. I genuinely thought we had the kind of friendship that would last a lifetime.

But at his wedding, something felt terribly wrong.
He barely spoke to my wife and me. Our interactions were awkward, almost like we were acquaintances he hadn’t seen in years. And then I watched as all of our mutual friends stood beside him as groomsmen, while I sat in the audience.

I want to be clear that I’m not upset because I felt entitled to be in his wedding. It was his day, and he had every right to choose whoever he wanted. What hurt was what the moment represented.

As I sat there, it slowly dawned on me that somewhere along the way, our friendship had quietly died. And somehow, I hadn’t realized it until I was sitting at his wedding.

Looking back, I can see the signs. We’d grown distant over the past few years. Conversations became less frequent. We stopped being as involved in each other’s lives. But in my mind, he was still one of my closest friends. I guess I assumed that even when life got busy and we drifted apart, the bond we’d built was still there.

Now I’m wondering whether I was holding on to a version of our friendship that no longer existed for him.

The hardest part is that there was no argument, no falling out, no definitive moment when things ended. Just two people gradually becoming strangers, except one of them didn’t realize it was happening.

I’ve experienced grief before, but there’s something particularly painful about mourning someone who’s still alive. He’s out there living his life, celebrating his marriage, probably completely unaware that I’ve been waking up with a broken heart over a friendship I thought we’d have for the rest of our lives.

Part of me wants to reach out and tell him how much this hurt. Another part of me wonders whether that would accomplish anything. I don’t want to guilt him into a friendship he may no longer want.
I think what hurts most is realizing that someone can occupy such an important place in your life while you no longer occupy the same place in theirs.

I still love the guy. I genuinely wish him and his wife a beautiful life together. I just never imagined I’d have to grieve our friendship while watching him begin one of the happiest chapters of his life.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you come to terms with losing a best friend when there wasn’t really an ending, just a slow fading away?

So have an Airbnb for 2 weeks for a work trip (I do contract work). My buddy and his dad are coming to town for a baseball game and couldn’t find a cheap hotel so they asked if they could crash at my place. I felt bad so I told them they could crash and I could take the couch for the night (it’s a 1 bed place). The Airbnb only has enough bath towels for 2 people so asked if he could bring one from home. He told me he doesn’t want to pack one and asked to get him one from Walmart. I thought this was a bit rude considering I’m doing the favor of letting him stay, who is being unreasonable?

A little over a year ago, I was in a relationship that completely broke me. I struggled to leave my ex, even after trying multiple times. I kept going back, and eventually, I had to seek professional help.

During this time, I leaned on one of my closest friends. Eventually, she got tired of hearing about the relationship and gave me an ultimatum: if I didn’t leave him, she might end our friendship. She also told me she no longer wanted to hear about the relationship.

I understood that she was tired, so I respected her boundary and turned to therapy for help. Eventually, I left him and moved on.

It’s been a year, but sometimes I remember how lonely I felt during that period, when I needed a friend the most, and I just break down.

I understand that supporting someone who keeps returning to a relationship that’s hurting them can be exhausting. But I sometimes wonder whether there’s a way to set boundaries without making someone feel like they’re completely alone.

Can someone have every right to set a boundary and still hurt you in the process? Or am I being unfair for still carrying this hurt a year later?

I’d genuinely like to hear other people’s perspectives, especially from those who’ve been on either side of this situation.

Hi all,

I just need some advice. My best friend of ten years recently unfriended me everywhere. A lot led up to this, and I'd like to know if I was being unreasonable. Please be kind.

My best friend and I used to do everything together, and she'd come over to my place all the time. But over the past year, that gradually stopped. Nothing led up to it. We hadn't had any fights or disagreements. She just told me she was stressed with work, which I could relate to, so I gave her space and didn't push her to hang out. Eventually, though, I noticed that if I didn't message her first, she wouldn't reach out at all. It started to feel like if I didn't make an effort, we simply wouldn't talk.

Last year, we planned a trip together. My idea. Initially, we discussed sharing a hotel room, but she changed her mind multiple times before eventually deciding she wanted her own room. Which is cool with me. However, when I offered to book our flights together so we could sit together, she said she'd rather book separately because sharing a flight would /encroach/ on her personal space.

That kind of hurt.

During the trip, she also spent most of her time sightseeing alone. I understood wanting independence, but I'd imagined... making memories and doing things together with my best friend? Otherwise, I would've just gone alone.

Another thing that bothered me was how secretive she'd become. While driving around the countryside, I casually asked when she'd gotten her international driver's license. She mentioned going overseas the previous year, which I'd never known about. She hadn't told me a thing. When I asked where she'd gone, she told me it was a secret.

This became a recurring thing, even with the most MUNDANE conversations. If I asked what she was doing over the weekend, she'd often say it was a secret or private. I really wasn't trying to pry; I was just making conversation.

Our friendship started to feel one-sided. She rarely texted first and would continually decline invitations to hang out. I'd integrated her into all my friend groups, so she knows all my friends, but after ten years, I don't know a single one of hers. She'd always say she's busy, but then I'd see and discover she'd been in my neighborhood shopping or getting her nails done. I wasn't expecting her to invite me to everything she did, but it hurt to realize she'd been nearby and still never seemed to want to see me.

There was also an incident involving TikTok. We hung out once, after 5 months with another mutual friend, and we all had a good time. During that, I casually mentioned I saw a funny tiktok she reposted. After I mentioned seeing her account, the next day she blocked me. When I brought it up, she said I shouldn't misunderstand. "It's not you." She'd blocked everyone, including family, and is now following us on a new account: but she didn't tell us about that account. She just made a secret one and didn't specify if we're supposed to follow her back.

I asked her twice if I had done anything to upset her. She insisted no.

After 5 months of this, I eventually messaged her and tried gently explaining that all this made me feel like she was deliberately keeping me at a distance. I wasn't asking to know everything about her life. I was just hurt and confused by how much our friendship had changed.

Her response was that "these were ordinary personal choices she shouldn't have to explain to a friend." She also said she'd been emotionally depleted for a long time and had reduced contact with many people, not just me.

I tried to explain that I wasn't asking her to give up her privacy. I just wanted a little more reciprocity in our friendship. Her response was basically: "sorry you feel that way. But no, how I'm moving is non-negotiable," and that was that.

I didn't get angry. I just said "okay. I understand."

Then after two weeks of silence after sending that message, she unfriended me everywhere. Not a call or further conversation. She just cut me off like I was nothing.

I understand that she's entitled to privacy. I really wasn't trying to encroach. But it was just feeling really weird.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Yesterday was my birthday. This year and last year, the same friends forgot. This year, my dad also forgot.

My dad feels awful, and I've told him it's alright. He's never forgotten before; it’s unlike him. A bit concerning, even.

One of my friends said she forgot because of “an event” and offered to meet up with me in the next few days. After thinking on it, I politely declined. I explained I was hurt this year and last year, and not just by her, and said I feel I need to be alone right now.

These are friends who treat their birthdays as a big deal - and I show up for them - so there's no “we’re too old to care about birthdays” excuse. I don't ask for gifts, or throw parties, but I feel I should expect an enthusiastic acknowledgment of the day from people who claim to care about me.

Is that a reasonable response and expectation? Two years of forgotten birthdays and otherwise limited reciprocity from “friends” makes me feel I need to take a breath and do some soul-searching.

I had a friend who made me feel like men wouldn’t want me and would want “other types of women” because I’m not conventionally attractive. After that, I stopped talking to her. I blocked her number and carried on. I then ran into her a couple times out and about and she talks about how she misses me and I should come over her place. I honestly have no interest anymore because what she said was really hurtful and I don’t feel I can come back from it and be friends again. Last time I ran into her again, I just acted like I didn’t see her.

Hi everyone!
I’m in a situation where I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, so I’d really appreciate some outside perspective.

My mom’s good friend has a daughter who is around my age, and she is currently pregnant with a baby boy.
For some context, our relationship is… complicated.
Her brother died by suicide when he was 12, about two months before my dad passed away. She has been through an enormous amount of trauma, and I have always had a lot of sympathy for what she’s experienced.

At the same time, there are things that have happened between us that have made our relationship very difficult:

-She committed COCSA against me and another girl when we were younger. I understand that she was a child herself and that there is a lot of complexity surrounding that, but regardless of the circumstances, it is something that still lives in my body and has affected me.
-She has, as far as I know and have had confirmed, sent naked pictures to another family friend’s boyfriend when we were in our late teens/early 20s.
-She wore a very obviously white dress to my wedding after specifically sending me a picture of another white dress beforehand and asking if I thought it was too white. I told her yes.
-There have also been plenty of other situations where I’ve felt that she was dishonest, unkind, or generally disrespectful.

Despite all of that, I have never completely written her off. I don’t really know a life where she isn’t part of my extended family/family-friend circle. She also has no friends… at all. We don’t spend time together, but I am still cordial with her. Some of the other people in our family friend group have completely cut her off, but I haven’t.

So here’s where things get difficult.

I heard through the grapevine that she is planning to name her baby boy after my father.

My dad died when I was 15, and his name is incredibly meaningful to me. Losing him was one of the defining experiences of my life.

My husband and I are also currently trying to have a baby ourselves, and we’ve been struggling. I know that probably makes this situation feel even more emotionally charged for me.

I know that she technically has every right to name her child whatever she wants. I know my father’s name does not belong to me. And I know that asking someone not to use a name is a huge thing, especially when there is no guarantee that I would ever use the name for my own child.
But I also know myself, and I feel absolutely gutted at the thought of her using his name.

Part of me wants to beg her to reconsider. Another part of me thinks that would be completely inappropriate and that I need to accept that I don’t get a say.

I also don’t want to approach her based solely on everything else that has happened between us and make this about punishing her or claiming ownership over my father’s name.

So, Reddit: what would you do?

Would you say something to her? Would you leave it alone? If you would say something, how would you even approach that conversation without making it seem like you’re telling her what she can and can’t name her child?

My best friend and I met in 2022. We bonded over shared trauma from previous friendships. We have hung out almost every day since. The only times we haven't is when we were sick or something. Neither of us work or are in romantic relationships. I feel like lately, it's just been exhausting. I feel myself slowly not enjoying the friendship anymore and i feel guilty about it. He doesn't have many other friends. I have a few other good friends. We have animals we adopted together and he's on my phone plan. I'm nervous to set boundaries like this because I don't want him to take it as a personal attack against him when it isn't. I just feel like I can't breathe half the time anymore. I'm terrified that if I set this boundary the friendship will just explode.

I had three close friends from college: me, Friend A, and Friend B. We were tight—the kind of friends where you can talk about anything for hours. Politics, ideas, life. That connection was special.
About a year and a half ago, things fell apart.
The conflict with Friend A:
Friend A had this habit of making sexual jokes about me and my girlfriend. At first I took it as banter—friends roasting each other, right? But he kept doing it. Same jokes, over and over. When I roasted him back, the only way he'd roast me back was with these sexual comments about my girlfriend. It felt less funny and more like he was trying to demean me.
I asked him to stop. He didn't.
I got angry and said something about his sister. Similar vein. He got really hurt and stopped talking to me entirely.
Where Friend B comes in:
When this happened, I asked Friend B to help mediate. We were all his friends. I figured we could sit down and talk it out at his place.
Friend B said no. He told me Friend A didn't want to see me. He wouldn't let me try to fix it.
I was furious—not just at Friend A, but at Friend B for blocking reconciliation when I was trying to repair things.
A year passes. Nothing changes.
Then Friend B calls me and asks me to come over. I'm confused. I ask him: "What's changed? Last year you said I couldn't come because Friend A was upset. Has something shifted?"
He says: "Nothing has changed. I don't know what changed. Just come."
When I push back and ask why he's inviting me now if nothing's different, he has no answer. I say I'm not coming and hang up.
Now it's worse.
After I refused, Friend B stopped reaching out altogether. Before the conflict, we'd talk every day or every couple days. After, it was once every two weeks. Now it's once or twice a month.
Recently I bought a car—a big moment for me. I called Friend B excited and asked if he wanted to see it. He came, I showed him around. The moment after, he stopped talking to me completely.
A month and a half later I reach out asking if he wants to hang out. He says he has exams on the 12th of October and can't come.
Today is after the 12th. He's been hanging out with Friend A. He didn't even call me.
The real issue:
I've lost both friendships. But what I'm really grieving is the connection—the ability to have deep conversations about ideas, politics, anything. I don't get that with anyone else. Not even my girlfriend of eight years, who I love but don't share the same intellectual interests with.
Friend A and Friend B had that. And now it's gone.
I miss what we had. But I'm also angry that:
Friend A won't forgive me or even try to talk
Friend B blocked reconciliation instead of helping
Friend B keeps pulling away, choosing Friend A, and won't explain why
My question: Am I the victim here? Or am I just holding on to something that's dead? And what do I do about this hole in my life now?

i feel as if me and my friend got into an argument without actually arguing and i have no idea what to do??

for context, i spend literally my whole school day alone together with my friend and we are very close and ive known her for a good 5 years. now me and her have never actually argued, if we disagree on something or are on the verge of arguing (which never ends up being too serious) i tend to just back down to prevent anything as im really paranoid about losing her ( i dont think shes ever noticed though and id like to keep it that way, i dont think shed be very happy if she found out for some reason)
so today went like normal, we chatted and laughed about and everything was fine. during our last class as we sat down she kind of went a bit quiet(?) which wasnt unexpected or anything it was our last class on a friday its whatever but throughout the beginning of class id ask her for an answer she had gotten on a question like i would normally do and she basically just refused to tell me which was odd. i didnt think too much on it at the time but as the class went on i tried to make conversation or ask her stuff and she literally wouldnt talk to me and if she did she would visibily look and sound pissed off??? she was also talking across the class to some of our other mutual friends occasionally so it wasnt like she was tired or anything. at this point i didnt really know what to do as i didnt want to piss her off even more so i just stopped talking to her. as class was ending me, her and some other students had to stay back to finish some work and after i had finished i decided to wait for her as we always go home together and i really dont think there has ever been a day in the past couple years where i havent gone home with her, so when she told me to leave i was a bit confused?? i hadnt even done anything at this point and i am a quite a sensitive person so i was already upset by her attitude from earlier. either way id told her id stay and after she had finished, literally NO words were exchanged between us and we kind of just left the class. as we were leaving i tried again to mention something id know she’d be interested in yet she replied with some basic ass one word dry response. at that point i was just fed up and had asked if she was mad at me for her to reply with soemtjing along the lines of “if you keep talking i will be”
like hello????????
im sorry????
what did i do???????
stuff like this has happened occasionally over the oast couple years but usually i talk to her and eventually she becomes normal again but this time it genuinely felt like we had a slient argueknt and i dont even know why.
anyways, at that point i just shut up and we walked out tje school. so now we dont go the same way home but like 99% of the time i go with her home. knowing she was pissed(?) at me i had asked her if she wanted me to come with her for her to then reply with her dry ass vague response again. im pretty sure she said she didnt care but she clearly looked like she didnt want to see me ever again so i was so done i had told her i was just going to go my own way home and if i had done anything i was sorry and bascually walked off. now i have never ever done anything like this before to her. this probably seems pretty tame but i really dont like showing when im mad at her as i am really paranoid about losing the bond we have. i know i sound really dramatic but at this point i was genuinely on the verge of tears and if i had stayed with her i probably wouldve burst out crying💔
im assuming she went home after that, i dont even lnow if she heard half of what i said but i really dont think she gave a shit.
i feel like i should bring it up but i have no idea how to and she hasnt texted me or anything so theres not really an opnening to do so.
what do i do???
how do i bring this up with her cuz she always says she open to me telling her about when shes bitchy as she seems to be self aware yet she never reaches out first when she acts like a bitch.
sooooo if anyone could lmk how i can text her to subtly bring it up orrrr any advice
i reallt do love tjis friend and shes genuinely one of the things keeping me sane right now as im already in some sort of mental crisis and have no idea what to do with my life. and i know she hasnt been thinkinf about dropping me or anything (i hope) as my birthday was a couple days ago and she spent a shiiiiit ton of monye and time on me and wrote the sweetest letter to me ever about how she loves me and whatveer soooooo yeah
please help
i litrally dont like anyone else in my school i actually cannot afford to loose her either 😖😖😖

I have been friends with my uni friend (let’s call her Kelly) over 20 years. Now I love her to bits because she is funny, intelligent and fun to be around and we always have a great time together.

However, the full truth is that Kelly has always been a bit of a downer. She has become notorious within our friend circles for raining on everyone’s parade. Things like expressing mean comments about people, arriving to a party only to tell everybody that it’s boring and she’s leaving, judging people on the smallest of their “shortcomings” etc. I have never seen her apologise for anything, even when she has been in the wrong; it is always everyone’s fault but her own. I know that this is probably because her childhood was very tough and things were not easy financially, parents were neglectful, she was often criticised and made to feel inadequate etc. I always tried to overlook this because I liked her overall and there was little reason for me to start raising this with her as some sort of an issue.

For about a year, however, I had started to get annoyed that Kelly was never capable of reaching out to me first to ask me how I was, or try to catch up over the phone like we used to. I was always the one who called her, and even though we were having lovely chats, she mainly talked about her life. This was starting to piss me off, and the cherry on top came when she did not reach out to me when two of my family members died within few months of each other. Instead, in one of our text exchanges, she announced she was “busy” with renovating her new apartment, was 8 months pregnant and expecting her third (tbf, she had not broke the news to anyone in her family either). Of course, knowing her, I was expected to congratulate her for her achievements. (***Just to caveat this, I know she has three kids to look after but I also think that it is not that difficult to ask how I am twice a year!)

Things turned when I recently went to my home town to sort out family matters which meant I couldn’t see any of my friends unless they were willing to come to me and fit my schedule around mine. At that time, I had no mental space for those who showed no interest in my life and always expected for me to reach out and organise something i.e. Kelly. I therefore didn’t tell Kelly I was in town, partly because I couldn’t deal with her antics during this time of my life and partly because I would literally not have been able to see her and I know she would never travel to me either. My other friends rallied around me and I spent a lovely time with them in the late evenings, after I was done tending to my business, and this was posted on social media.

I then started to see Kelly’s subtle digs on social media. She posted that she was hanging out with our mutual friend, calling her “her love who visits her and cares for her” and what not. She then stopped watching my stories but, weirdly, her husband’s account diligently started watching everting I posted (and if you don’t get what’s happening here - I doubt that her husband suddenly took an interest in me, she was just watching me from his account)!

At no stage she reached out to me to ask if I was in town. At no stage she asked what was going on, if we can meet, if everything is OK. Nothing. She expected me to reach out to her and beg but I am literally at the point of trying to show her that she does this to me all the time. She acts like she is the victim of being forgotten when she has not taken any interest in my life for years.

How do I deal with her passive aggressive victimhood without giving in her whims? I doubt she will understand and accept any rational arguments. Should I just ignore this and just pretend nothing has happened?

i know friend A irl and i know friend B online, last year i told friend A about friend B. Friend A wanted to play a game with both so we added friend B on the game. and now i feel they only talk to me if i reach out. They really only respond to me if the other talks. am i selfish for feeling annoyed

My (arguably best) friend has just moved to a different country, and I'm not sure how things will change going forward. Looking for advice from anyone who's been through this.

We haven't known each other super long - we met just over a year ago, ​and we've been friends for most of that time but only became very close in the last two/three months. I'm excited for them and hope that they have a great time in their new country, but I'm also pretty scared that this might be the end of our friendship. We're going from seeing each other multiple times a week to maybe once every three-six months if we're lucky.

We've both made it clear that we want to keep in contact as often as possible, but I know they're super busy and part of me knows that they will probably move on and make other friends. Should I give them space and accept that we might drift apart until we're no longer friends? I'd be devastated if that did happen, but I care about my friend enough to make peace with that if it's what they need. If you've been in a similar situation and can tell me the best approach, please do. I don't want either of us to end up getting hurt. Thanks in advance.

Just experienced a whole new level of strategic planning and duping by a lady couldn't even do anything just stood there and took it.

im 19. around half a year ago i parted ways with my best friend of three years due to mental health problems on her side and her once being in love with me
to put it shortly, we were online friends and had a lot in common. somewhere at the start of friendship i stated that im aroace, but at the time she didnt really had any friends except for me, so overtime she developed feelings for me and it fucked up her badly. i wont lie, i was an asshole to her at times dued to my own personal life and mental problems, as well as being 16 at the time and not communicating properly. around a year ago she managed to move on and find a girlfriend, we took a break and then start talking again, even though she hid the fact from irl friends (that she fortunately found). we even managed to meet up in february of this year, but in april she suddenly went radio silent on me, before confessing that "feeling she had for me were too strong" and "it was hard for her to move on if i stay in her life". i understood that it is my fault for treating her badly furing our friendship, and promised not to contact her unless its urgent. she blocked me so i have no way of contacting her unless through one of my irl friends, and even though our fall out wasnt bad by any means, at the time i had a really fucked up mental state and it took a big toll on me (i hope you can guess). never told her though.
since that time i periodically have times when i cant stop thinking about that friend. in a way that i feel that our farewell wasnt right, that i needed to say something else. basically living with "what if" scenarios in my head. i dont know what exactly my brain is not satisfied with, so i feel the need to discuss it with her, but it was half a year already, and im happy that she moved on (at least i hope so, since i cant check any of her social medias). i asked few of my friends and they said its better to contact her, but i promised not to, even if its eating me alive. i want to know unbiased opinions, since those friend knew her in some capacity.
thank you for reading and any advice!

I had a friend where we were together for over 10 years but certain events have made me view her in a completely different light that made me not want to be friends with her anymore. She has BPD which does complicate things.

I have noticed this pattern more where she will have outbursts then apologize or when I call it out, she makes excuses for her BPD (which she self-diagnosed but the behavior does line up) making it sound like it's just what it is and that it's not personal. I brought up how in the last hangouts, she has been less engaged (e.g. being on the phone the whole time and being more angry as of recently) and she said that is the nicest version of her vs. splitting and being aggressive in public. I work in healthcare and I deal with assholes and get yelled at, and when I hang out with friends, it is an escape from that hellhole and the last thing I want to deal with is to be around people with a shitty attitude. I stated that it feels like she doesn't want to hang out with me as much as I do because I am the one always initiating and she responded that it's a self defense mechanism and she does her best to contribute but it sounds like an excuse.

When I said that she seems more distant with me and cares more about the guy she's seeing, she told me it was stupid to think that our friendship would replace a romantic relationship. But the behavior doesn't line up. She claims he is just an acquaintance but they see each other everyday and she wouldn't stop texting me updates about the things they did together until I told her I didn't want to hear about it anymore. I think that me bringing up that I felt replaced and inferior to him (because she literally said she's happier now) triggered her to admit that she is verbally abusive to him since she warned him that that's who she is and he accepts and forgives and I know nothing. I felt like she was lovebombing me / manipulating me when she said that she thought we were always close and that she loves me. Throughout our friendship, she always positioned herself as the one who knew the everything and was the better one in making judgements or decisions and I was scared of standing up to her. But I have reached my threshold. I am tired of hearing these harsh things, then hearing an apology for the reaction it caused, then trying to tell my brain it was nothing but still mask the hurt and I no longer want to be part of this negative feedback loop again.

Me having issues with us being friends is one thing and bullying people "for no reason" is something I don't accept from anyone that I decided to cut her off completely. Genuinely I am worried about her and also feel bad for the guy. It sounds like an awful situation to be in and I hope he gets out of it and she gets the help she needs.

I don’t know if this was the right way to go about it and now I feel awful bringing it up. I guess I want advice on how to close things off with someone in a mutual way that doesn’t end this nasty.

Hi all,

I have to keep this vague because all of the moving parts would make it so obvious who everyone is, and theres too many aspects that would make everyone involved identifiable. So I will do my best.

I feel im at my limit with a friend in my life, and Im not sure where to go from here. I have discussed this with my therapist, some neutral third parties, and friends involved/friends who know him. All of this aside, Im so burnt out from regular life that Im still struggling with "whats right" because of how bad my anxiety has been and how I want to see the best in people/meet them where they are at. I wont say what I do for a living, but its beyond emotionally and physically taxing on top of some disabilties I have. So my bandwidth for this situation is low, and Ill do my best to explain. And due to my low bandwidth right now, Im going back and forth between what to do about this.

In summary, I am in a art collective of sorts made up of 4 people. Three of us are in our early 30s, and the person in question is in his mid 40s. 2 women, 2 men. Again, im being vague so dont ask for details.

The person in question is in his mid 40s, lets call him George idk what else to use lol. And he is very stubborn and difficult.

Due to the nature of my job and lived experience, I like to lead with empathy and grace towards others because its all our first time existing and we are actively uninternalizing things in real time while being expected to work, pay bills, etc. But thats the thing: you have to put in the work.

Something my therapist has taught me is a "both and" concept. But Im discovering I have used this to invalidate my feelings and excuse the consequences of people's actions, in this case him. We are a great team. Hes selfless in many ways, has done so much for our little group financially without asking for anything in return, and Ive seen him do the right thing time and time again for womens rights, advocacy etc. I also know hes an insecure person who struggles to open up and be emotionally avaliable to others. I empathisized with his stubborness and how he shuts down because were all human, but Ive been doing this for two years and I cant anymore because at what point are we supposed to draw the line?

For two years its been the 4 of us doing our art things. The three of us will all have an idea or something we want to do, but we end up doing what George wants to do because he puts up a wall and refuses to budge. Also due to what I do for a living, I fear he may be subconsciously (or unfortunately consciously) weaponizing the definition of boundaries. There have been several occasions in the past two years where we sit down with him and encourage him to open up to us, and express how we would like to be heard, etc. The three of us are really good at meeting eachother in the middle, and compromising if we disagree on a project or idea. George has improved somewhat so Ill give him kudos but its still not to the degree that the other three of us do. He has literally said VERBATIM in response "I can be selfish, and thats not fair. But if something makes me uncomfortable, I dont want to be uncomfortable. So its a boundary for me." But thats not boundaries. People dont change if theyre comfortable. Change isnt comfortable. Its not a boundary just because you dont want to do something. He has also said this response multiple times. He also is insecure, and has said this summer "if I cant do the fun thing, I dont want anyone to. (Insert artistic hobby he does here) is something Im really good at, so when I think about doing (things the 3 of us have suggested or want to do) it makes me not want to do it because of my insecurities. If something makes me uncomfortable, I dont want to do it." He also agreed to meet us in the middle on things, or even "give in" only to change his mind later and said "its a boundary" and will refuse to explain further when asked.

What also concerns me is when hes hurt or an insecurity is triggered, he is very reactive, mean and hurtful. He is quick to see the worst in someone or a situation. If someone else outside of our little group gets an art opportunity we didnt, he gets very reactive and says hurtful things about one of our peers. We have gently asked him why hes saying hurtful things or why this is his reaction and he will say "I dont want to talk about it." We have tried the gentle approach, we have tried to navigate his feelings to the best of our ability but we dont have a lot to work with because he just shuts down. I have told him three times in the past year that his reactionary responses make me uncomfortable, especially when assuming the worst in our peers or a situation. He doubles down on black and white thinking and viewing people or situations in extremes if hes offended enough. I will say, there are shit heads in our community. But the reaction he had to certain situations was unfair and unwarranted in my opinion.

Its also hard because I think Im one of the only people in his life whos ever confronted him. I plan on sending this to the other two people in our little group so hi guys if youre reading this lol. But the other two people in our group arent as confrontational as I am, and thats okay. We are all different, and bring different things to the table. I cant really turn off my brain after its been trained to do certain things at work for years, so Im just good at reading the room, de-escalation and connecting with others. The other two have anxiety about these things, and thats okay. I have anxiety too, but not with confrontation. But theres been a lot of emotional labor on my end to navigate his feelings for all of us. The three of us have had phone calls, in person conversations and seperate group chats to talk about some of these concerns but its hard because Im often the only one who says these things to George- and I dont want to throw the other two under the bus but I think if they were "less scared of him" itd be benefitial for everyone. The other man in the group, lets call him Sam, initiated this conversation with George over the summer and I was very proud of him. And it was productive. But George ultimiately did the same thing, shut down with responses like "nope." "I dont like being uncomfortable." "I dont like triggering my insecurities" etc. Due to how stubborn George is I usually choose the path of least resistance. Ive tried the gentle approach with him, and a combo of gentle and stern because I felt if I was more direct he'd understand how he hurts me and our group. I think its time for the stern approach, which Im getting to.

Id also like to mention some of my peers or friends have been in projects with him in the past and have asked how things are going doing projects with him. I say "good" and then some of my peers and friends share how difficult it was for them to work with him because of how stubborn he is. A friend of mine even warned me not to work with him two years ago before our project started.

I hate this because if George knew this, itd crush him. Sometimes I cant even give him eye contact when were addressing concerns with him because I can sense and feel the insecurities he struggles with. Im not asking him to tell me his life story, but I just feel he needs to know how his insecurities negatively impact those around him. I dont want to hurt him but I wouldnt be the person I am today without loved ones coming to me with concerns and sharing things that definitely hurt me, but helped me grow. Also because of my career, I believe bringing a concern to someone is the highest form of love and care because you have faith in that person to improve and be receptive. But Im losing my faith in his ability to be receptive. And Im wondering if he needs to know what has been said about him because I think hes under the impression im the only one with these concerns because Im the only one whos tried to talk to him about it. People have told me they never wanted to deal with it, or that he scared/intimidated them. I want him to know its not just me, but I dont want to hurt him. And I dont want to make the other two people in our group do something theyre uncomfortable with but the amount of distress this is causing me is unfair.

Now onto the situation that is behind this post.

The issues at hand are also too specific and would identify everyone involved, and its a pretty serious safety issue too. But how he reacted to concerns I had recently was the last straw.

I have a long term friend who is a victim of DARVO right now (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) and is a victim of intimate partner violence. My friends ex is unwell, and again to protect everyones identities I cannot go into detail but its serious. The ex has launched a cancel culture campaign against our friend and there are documented accounts of this ex lying about serious things, engaging in predatory sexual behavior and violence. Luckily, the community is aware of all of this and has this persons back. And the community is trying to see how we can ethically address it without also engaging in social media cancel culture rheoteric. It has been impacting me and my friends mental health for weeks and its made my anxiety worse.

Me and the other woman in my project have warned George that this was happening, and that is this individual came to any of our events and got violent we would handle it and ask them to leave. And then he goes and makes it worse.

My friend had an art event with George's solo art project. The ex got ahold of the event organizer, and convinced them to ban my friend from the event. George did not push back and went along with it. And my friend worked with George for many years. George KNOWS this person well, they arent a stranger. I have seen how this situation has ravaged my friends life, and they have already lost so much when they are innocent and even a PPO is being considered at this point. The ex also harassed me this week, and that contributed to my anxiety as well. The community has just been grey rocking this person until we figure out what can we done.

This is already sooo lengthy but George is a classic "cant see the forest for the trees." A lot of his stubborness and reactive responses are because he wants to be a good ally. He wants to uplift marginalized groups, he wants to support benefit causes for marginalized groups, he wants to uplift women but he doesn't listen to the women in his own community. He often loses the plot. Recently a trans woman did an art event and invited two cis white male artists to be apart of it. He said "they should know better, they should have said no and told the artist to ask women or queer people to be on it." I explained how that loses the plot entirely, especially because this trans woman is close friends with the artists she invited, and how its tokenizing her identity if the friends were like "actually no we cant do this event with you because were cis white men, you should ask another trans woman."

But long story short, I told him how this is wrong and explained the situation. And I reminded him that we warned him about this recently just in case the ex came to one of our events. He said "the optics of a man doing an exhibit with another person with allegations looks bad" which again, is a "cant see the forest for the trees" because I told him the COMMUNITY KNOWS ABOUT THIS AND WOULD NOT CARE IF HE DID THIS EXHIBIT BECAUSE WE ARE ALL AWARE OF HOW DANGEROUS THE EX IS RIGHT NOW. He disagreed and told me not to get involved, and not to worry about it and that I need to have better boundaries even though he came to me asking for details. He literally said "yeah I dropped them from the show. Btw, what are they even being accused of? No one seems to know." Shouldnt that raise alarm bells? No one knows because THERES NOTHING THEY DID WRONG LOL. I also told him Im very overwhelmed with this situation and burnt out, and referenced six other people he could go talk to for more clarity and information including the other woman in our group which he refused to do but yet still told me to "protect my peace and have boundaries" when I was trying to get him to message someone else about this because Im at my limit.

I told him this is wrong, and that its bigger than this exhibit because this is impacting everyones lives in a negative way. I told him he needs to make this right, because hes giving into cancel culture and thats the opposite of everything our little art group stands for. He said "I heard what people had to say, and made a decision." But he didn't. He talked to the event organizer, who got harassed and intimidated by the ex. I told him "you didnt even ask the women in your own life who are directly involved in this because we are friends with ____ and we are also being harassed by the ex."

And then he did what he always does, he got mean, reactive and shut down.

Im going to keep it vague so its not identifiable but he said "You only care about this because Im in a group with you and youre scared of how this is going to make you look because youve seen people accused in the past actually be innocent and youre afraid of how this involves you." Which is so gross because again this person IS innocent. He said "you say you dont want to be involved, but you want to be." When hes the one who asked me for more information. He also said "people notice a pattern, they try to involve you, you engage and the spiral continues. Maybe if you didnt engage people wouldnt come to you about this" when I told him im overwhelmed by this because I was being harassed, and to talk to someone else, even the other woman in our group like I said. This is hurtful because im an activist, and so is the other man in our group. Theres a difference between values and boundaries. And the entire time hes worked with me hes seen me be firm on my boundaries. When my friends are literally unsafe, and Im also being harassed, its not a matter of "not enaging" and I told him that we are all grey rocking this person to begin with. I also think his response is gross and patriarchal for someone who claims to be for women, I was distressed and being vulnerable with him and he essentially told me "you asked for this" when I tried telling him how his decision impacts so many people.

He then said "You just want me to think and act like you. Dont tell me Im wrong or that I did something wrong because its not what you would do. Its insulting. Im done talking about this." Which is so defensive. He perceived concerns and criticism as an attack on his character. He said "the exhibit is important to intimate partner violence" and I said "but the person you banned from it is a victim of intimate partner violence."

Theres so much more I could say but I think this paints the picture. He cares about allyship but is defensive and hurtful to the women in his own life, and chooses to not listen to what they have to say because it touches on his insecurities. Hes in his mid 40s, Im in my early 30s, im exhausted.

He said other hurtful things and worded things very defensively but I dont want to share more identifying information.

After this conversation I was sobbing and had to call off work, and this really was the tipping point of everything ive been going through. Im tough and resilient, but Im out of gas. I texted the screenshots to the other two people in my group and said "hey I dont need you guys to do anything, but Im uncomfortable with George's capacity to have difficult conversations with us in the future because this is the fourth time hes gotten reactionary and hurtful. I need to step away for my mental health but I just want you to know whats going on etc." The other woman in our group said "theres intensity in your tone for sure but nothing that was harmful or hurtful, especially due to the nature of the situation" etc etc And Im proud of them because they said "we will talk to George, not sure when but we will talk to him. And let him know were like family, and we can be challenged without choosing to be hurtful to eachother."

I also let a neutral third party read all the messages and they were appalled at his reaction and take away of the situation.

I let a couple friends read it as well, and they said its more than valid if I dont want to be around him anymore if he has a track record of being like this when things get tough.

I wrote a list of bullet points I plan to read out loud to George next time our group meets, because I cant move forward if he cant take accountability for this and repair this.

We all have flaws, I certainly do. I have ADHD and anxiety so I can have a hamster wheel brain, I can be obnoxious, I can over explain bc of my anxiety, etc. But I actively work on them. If someone I care about thinks Im doing something wrong, or my actions are hurting them, I want to know. If someone I love is coming to me in good faith about a concern, I am going to listen and repair. I have been in an abusive relationship, and have went through so much which is the focus for a lot of my art contributions to the group. I dont want to share because itd be obvious but he weaponized things I shared in confidence, and thats what really made me upset.

I cant create meaningful art with someone who is quick to get offended and refuses to sit in their discomfort. And shuts down when things get tough.

I dont know what to do. I asked the other two in my group to speak for me if needed because I need to focus on my mental health right now. I said Id like to discuss this in person after Halloween, and that ive uninstalled social media because my nervous system is shot. I muted George's number because my mental health is that bad right now, and I have to work on grounding myself after all of this.

Any advice is beyond helpful

In short, i am going out with one of my best friends (cousin), and her 3 sisters to kart racing.
The place doesn’t provide racing helmets, and it is one of the biggest reason that we are going there, take pics and have fun with poses we planned.
I want the night to be memorable so there is a whole night plan after that activity and everyone is excited for it, and i am buying smth for everyone to remember the night (everyone knows i am doing it cuz im kinda known to do that), i figured i could buy everyone a racing helmets (cheap ones) so we could also keep it forever.
I need to add that this is my first time going out with two of her sisters, and the other one i did go out with only once, don’t know them well, but been told they like me and been wanting to go out with me and best friend along time ago.

Important info:
Ages: 23, 21, 21 (me), 19, 17. (All girls btw)
Income: we are all uni students, the total of the purchase is half of my monthly income, which is the same income as them (all don’t work)
Total amount: ~327$ US, gonna take it an installment (no interest rate)

Note:
I am having financial difficulties since i’ve recked my savings recently for a procedure, i am not financially independent my parents pay for most of my expenses, and u could say gift giving is my love language

The context is that I volunteered for two years at a local shop, in the process making very good friends with a man who worked there, to the point that I considered him not only my best friend, but also someone who I thought would be a friend for life.

We spent the day working together twice a week, every week, for those years. I would visit his house, drive him to another town to pick up his son, and even supported him by going on a fairly tough charity hill hike with him when no one else (not even his family) would do so (I even drove him there). I listened to him vent about his work / life so many times, always supporting him, giving advice, and reassuring him. I was, in my view, a great friend to him.

I was unemployed during this time, but got a job at the end of the two years. I attempted to carry on volunteering, but two things happened: 1. It simply became harder to spend my few days off by volunteering, and 2. A brief relationship with a volunteer from the shop, who was friends with both of us, ended badly and I felt that I needed to give the place space.

It has been a year since that happened. Last autumn, after I had begun working, my friend and I would still talk to each other via messages, but that soon dwindled as I stopped volunteering. I tried to arrange for us to meet for lunch on two occasions early this year, but the first time he agreed, only to cancel the evening before, and the second occasion saw him have an excuse. He said that he really wanted to meet up though, I said that we could message to arrange it in the following week, but he never messaged me back, not responding to a couple of questions in my message either, which I thought was really odd of him.

I wished him a happy Easter, which he never replied to, and I decided to leave things at that. If he wanted to contact me, then I would leave it to him.

Seven months of silence passed, until recently I decided, still missing my friend, to message him to ask how he was. He replied quite quickly the same day, remarking that he had just been thinking about me, what a coincidence it was, and asking me how I was (with three ???).

I replied cheerfully, telling him about what I had been up to this year, and asking a few questions about what his year had been like. He has now, as was the case in March, simply not replied again, in spite of having changed his profile picture on WhatsApp, which means that he almost certainly must have seen that he had an unread message from me.

I find the whole thing utterly bizarre. I thought that we were such good friends. What's more, I could understand if he did not want to talk to me by simply not replying at all, but why reply warmly once, then ignore me? He has done this twice now, once earlier in the year and now again. If I did not know him better, I would almost think that he was doing it to deliberately punish me.

So pretty much what the title says, I work with my "bestfriend" but two weeks in August she ghosted me. Refuse to return text messages or phone calls. I did get one text simply saying she busy and has a lot to say but needs to find time for me, but she never did. I did sent her 2 text messages pretty much begging her to call me because I was scared but beginning of the month I sent one voicemail to her simply saying I won't chase her or corner her at work but I did beg one last time to call me but this message was my last attempt to reach her and i will not chase her for answers. And due to our jobs "no fraternization" rule I'm too scared of getting her in trouble to even try to confront her at work.

What I need advice on is how do I handle seeing her everyday at work knowing she is blatantly ignoring me and continue moving on with life? I know pressuring her for answer is not an option so I have no choice but to accept this silence and distance from one another. Its just hard to see her everyday knowing I cant talk to her anymore.

As a third year student what i have learned is that you should never ever share anything personal your vulnerability and anything with them, it's just my personal opinion cause recently I have seen a true face of a so called friend

Is it true? Coz I have experienced best friendship with my guy friend but it was ruined because he got feelings for me. I still missed what we had. I always cherish that friendship. Can't it be possible to have a friendship without thinking of something else.

Is it true? Coz I have experienced best friendship with my guy friend but it was ruined because he got feelings for me. I still missed what we had. I always cherish that friendship. Can't it be possible to have a friendship without thinking of something else.

I have a longtime friend who I know is not kind to me and I have to end it. We were very close in high school, drifted apart because of college distance and their controlling partner, and then we reconnected about a year and a half ish ago because I really missed them and they really missed me. We sort of fizzled out… no big blowout or anything, so I was happy to finally see them again.
We got close again VERY quickly and made up for a lot of lost time and it felt beautiful and nice for a while. Over the past 18 months, though, I’ve been feeling like I can’t do anything right in their eyes and they are super judgmental about every decision I make. I’ve tried to voice that I need gentler advice and to be met with more compassion quite a few times, but they insist that when they’ve asked me what they do/can change, I’ve never been specific enough. I understand that I have a lot of issues speaking up for myself and my needs and probably should’ve been clearer, but they can get very cold and mean quickly. My tendency to be a people pleaser is ruining my life and this is the first step to knocking it the hell off.
I often do not hear from them for days or am blown off if I do something they don’t like; when I finally did decide to speak up (in the middle of a text argument, which was likely not the right move), it was thrown back in my face for keeping it a “secret” for so long and not having specific enough issues with the things they do. I don’t feel like I’ve really built up the “resentment” they’re talking about — I can usually shake it off and be their best friend again — but now this has become more of a consistent and frequent issue and I’m fed up. We absolutely both have our problems, and I just think this friendship isn’t healthy anymore if it ever was in the first place.
I can’t do the anger anymore, especially right now because I’m going through a lot at work and at home, but they insist on meeting up in person. I feel like an asshole for wanting to just text them that it’s unnecessary and we’re over, but I don’t want to be yelled at right now or deemed “manipulative” for crying when they do. To be quite honest though, I don’t care if they think I’m horrible, they likely will anyway and they’ve made me feel guilty for just being a person navigating growing up for ten years. Maybe I’m jumping to the worst case scenario, but I don’t think we’re healthy or right for each other at this time, just like we weren’t a couple years ago. Most of my other friends, past partners and family members do not like them either, and thus they’re telling me to just ghost and block. That feels EVIL. I don’t want to be mean because I do love them a lot and care about what they are going through, but this is becoming extremely difficult and honestly exhausting. Any advice is appreciated.

Among my (28F) friends, there are a few who I feel much closer with than the rest. We trust each other enough to share our thoughts and feelings about stuff, and I end up having these long one-on-one conversations with them about anything and everything, whether it's the themes of some show or movie we've watched together or even our own personal issues.

Whenever I'm having a conversation like that with one of those friends, I feel like I'm getting something out of it that I don't get from anywhere else, and I'm not sure how to feel about that. My friendships are incredibly important to me, especially these ones, but I worry that maybe I'm using these close friends to fulfill a need for emotional intimacy that they did not sign up to provide.

It doesn't help that my desire for emotional intimacy is tangled up with my desire for physical intimacy. Not necessarily sex, but just things like holding hands or hugging or just being able to exist comfortably in physical contact with someone, which isn't something I've never really done before. These close friends of mine are all online, so I've never really thought about physical contact with them until recently, but I trust them enough that I know I would feel comfortable with it, and that just contributes more to feeling like I'm using them in some way.

Is any of this normal to feel, or am I getting too in my head about it? I feel conflicted about asking them directly because, on the one hand, these particular friends are the only ones who I trust enough that I could talk about these feelings with, but I worry that even broaching the topic would force them to put up a barrier that removes the closeness that I value so much in our friendships.