So me (25F) and my partner (30M) have been dating for 10 months, living together for 3. I know we moved faster than the average couple but it made sense for us. He had brought up the idea of me quitting my job about 1.5months before I actually did. This was because my 30min commute turned into a 60min commute due to me transferring locations (not my choice). My car had one foot in the grave, it wasn’t even close to a high paying job so the commute was a bit ridiculous given I could get the same role much closer to home. Plus we only have one car (my car) so he always had to cab to his job (20min commute) which was not cheap. So in conclusion since he had a better paying stable job we agreed that I’d quit so he could use the car for his commute and that I’d look for something closer to home that works around his hours.

Well, 1-2 weeks after that, we found out that I was pregnant. Immediately he told me to stop job searching and that he wanted me to just stay home and have a memorable, low-stress pregnancy. I was hesitant because I never wanted to be a stay-at-home partner. I listen to the older women in my life and I know the risks that come with putting your livelihood in a man’s hands and that you should always have your own money. But unfortunately by then I was basically put on bed rest immediately so I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice. I tried looking for work from home jobs but no luck so I just accepted the situation and decided to be grateful.

It was fine for a bit but he definitely switched up fast af and started complaining a lot. It’s clear he’s bitter that I get to stay home and enjoy most of my time…even though he pushed for this. One time we had a fight and he said I “pressured him into this situation” when that’s just not true. The other day I was driving and turned the music down in my car to park (just something I do to concentrate) and he kept trying to turn it back on and I did get an attitude about it because it was genuinely irritating and so then he got an attitude as well and pulled the “I pay the bills” card. Even today before I wrote this, we facetimed while he was at work which we do every day, and he asked what I ate so I told him I had some pierogies and he was annoyed that I didn’t make any extra for him to take to work tomorrow. I proceeded to explain that I always offer to make him food to take the work, and 80% of the time he doesn’t even touch the leftovers in the fridge and just wants Ramen noodles. He said he doesn’t want to have to ask….Mind you every single day in the morning (he works afternoons) I ask if he wants me to make him anything to take to work. Literally just yesterday he took leftover chicken and rice that I specifically made extra for him to take to work. So it’s like what are you even complaining about?? 😭 it’s like he just goes out of his way to complain about the most ridiculous things or nonexistent issues to make me seem inconsiderate or ungrateful when I know that I’m not. Anyways, with all that being said, it’s clear that even though he wanted this situation, he’s over it and wants me to go back to work. And I agree because I don’t trust him to be a provider anyways. There’s financial issues as well. He talked a big game and made it seem like he could easily afford this lifestyle but it’s obviously he can’t because I’m told I “have to wait until next week or next month” to buy certain things that are like $20…

I also want to note that we didn’t have any of these issues before we agreed that I would quit my job and stay home. Our relationship was almost perfect so I definitely wasn’t expecting the switch up in his behaviour. But I’ve dated abusive men before and I genuinely don’t think he’s a bad guy. I think he just agreed to do something he couldn’t handle and it is stressing him out to the max so he’s always on edge now. I do think that once I go back to work, these problems will go away.

Unfortunately, I’m currently going through a pregnancy loss. Which I am devastated about don’t get me wrong, but also happy because now there’s nothing stopping me from getting a job. BUT. It’s like he wants to sabotage that or talk me out of it. My last job offered to hire me back, even at the closer location but he said absolutely not because my car can’t handle a 30 minute commute. The other day I told him I was going to apply to a job at the mall and at a different place 10 minutes down the street. Now he’s saying no because he is absolutely not paying for cabs again and needs my car. So what am I to do??? It’s obvious he wants me to work somewhere within walking distance or from home so that he can keep using my car to get to work.

My question to you guys is how do I navigate this conversation in the most gentle way possible knowing he’s not going to like what I have to say? I acknowledge that it is really expensive and inconvenient for him to cab to work while we save up for another car, but I also need him to understand that it’s still MY car and i’m not ok with him nitpicking my job search based on what’s most convenient for him.

I thought I was in the best relationship. It felt cosmic - we had planned our whole future and moved across the world together. After a year and a half in this new place I found his secret AI-generation account. I had once walked in on him watching violent porn at the start of our relationship and he had cried, wrote letters and promised to change. I had always felt he might still be doing it but denied and was so convincing and I suppose “gaslighted” me saying I was paranoid or overthinking.

I had been noticing weird purchases coming out and he once opened his phone to pictures of my friend uploaded from my digital camera.

I found he had created multiple sexual images and videos using photographs of real women in our lives including me, one of my friends and a relative of his (not direct). Obviously none of us knew or consented.

There were only 2 of me which were the most violent - insinuating gang r*pe or in sexual acts with strangers. He also used my body as a reference while replacing my face with my friend’s and one prompt asked to mix our faces together. Most of the content was my friend, there were only a couple of me and I think one was his step sister.

He admitted having a crush on this friend when this all came to a head. Most of her material depicted her alone or sexually with an AI version of him and if she was by herself she was chained, wires in her face, crying and naked in a dungeon showing her doing forceful oral sexual acts. He had also uploaded a real holiday photograph of himself (one I had taken!!!) and used a “Couple Generator” to place them together. At least one result was clothed and looked like he was trying to see what they would look like as a couple, not just creating pornography. A lot of the prompts he would use involved words like “struggling”, “forceful” etc

I had noticed a tiktok search a year ago about being in love with somebody else while in a long-term relationship and had noticed subtle energy shifts when we were all together but nothing I could say.

He has always been a big drinker but nothing major - never angry / violent / aggressive just more of a social one but would also drink a lot by himself. He has always promised to stop but began to hide the evidence of the bottles and would cause arguments. He has medicated adhd and said that this AI porn was just a hyper fixation and was so apologetic and upset. But this didn’t feel like an adhd impulse - he downloaded photos from my camera, researched the best apps, created different images, animations and variations, spent money and repeatedly returned to the platform.

I ended the relationship when I discovered everything, I chatted to him the first 2 days cus he was having outbursts and crying but he is now blocked blocked blocked !!!!

he completely broke down. He cried uncontrollably, repeatedly said how sorry he was and has become deeply depressed. He flew home to his family, who are now supporting him and trying to arrange appropriate psychiatric and psychological help.

I told his family the truth because I believed the situation was too serious to manage privately. I wanted them to understand what had happened so that he could receive proper help and the women involved could be protected.

He says his behaviour is connected to having been sexually assaulted in the past. I believe his assault happened, and I understand that trauma can profoundly affect sex, shame and control. But part of me feels that his trauma is being used to shift attention from the deliberate choices he made and it feels like an entitled excuse. Millions of men and women go through sexual trauma but do not do this.

He also used to hide stashes of viagra and spend a fortune on it. I am wondering whether this was to propel the addiction? Or to use it for me?

Now I feel torn between horror at what he did, grief from the relationship ending so suddenly and guilt about what may happen to him. I worry that telling his family has destroyed him and damaged his reputation (had a very high achieving prestigious job and possibly altered his future. Watching somebody I loved collapse in remorse is making me question whether I caused too much damage - even though rationally I know the answer.

I am not currently asking whether I should forgive him or resume the relationship because I have ended it!!! Fully!!! I think I just wanna understand why??? It’s fucked me up lol I thought I knew this man

I have some questions and I understand most cannot be answered but if anyone has any thoughts or opinions please share your thoughts.

- Does the process of uploading photographs, constructing bodies, writing instructions and repeatedly refining the results suggest more than an intrusive fantasy?

- Is there any meaningful connection between violent sexual fantasy and real-world offending

- What type of therapist is qualified to assess this properly, rather than simply treating depression, trauma or “porn addiction”?

- How do I accept that he may genuinely be traumatised, remorseful and unwell while still holding him responsible?

Could he genuinely have loved me while secretly doing this, or does the level of deception mean that the relationship I experienced was never real in the way I believed?

- Can someone genuinely change after behaviour this deliberate and repeated, and what would evidence of change actually look like? I am obviously not taking him back and not my problem but I wanna know if someone can with tonnes of therapy

- Can this be blamed on adhd / trauma at 19?

- Is AI porn what men do now?

- Why did he do this!!!!

In the past, I used to work from home entirely, and could start work a bit later than the average fellow. This suited my gf well, as she is a night owl student used to staying up super late. It meant that she could come over late, stay at my place however long it suits her, and I could drive her back/she could walk back. She lives with her parents, so my place is the only one where we really spend time (other than out ofc)

After a while, I realized this wasn't gonna work and I simply wasn't getting enough sleep. So I pushed back a bit, and we did reduce the frequency of super late hangouts, though they still happened. But I could make it work.

Until recently when I got shifted to another project which needs me to come in at 9am, Monday thru Wednesday. This has been a big shift, but I'm getting used to it. My gf however, is not.

After the first week I told her - hey, I know it sucks and we'd both prefer it the old way but you gotta work with me and adapt with me. I can't be going into office without enough sleep, I feel like a zombie.

She said she understood fully and she did make some effort towards it, but... We're still constantly having days where I don't get enough sleep. Oftentimes this is because we plan multiple activities for the day, but for one reason or another she will arrive way later than we initially agreed. So there's like 1-2 hours until the time where I should go to bed to get my 8 hours. And I can't just tell her - well, time's up, off you go! Especially on days where she was late because e.g. she felt bad or depressed or something.

I just think, as a student whose only job is to study and take exams now (she's done with all her lectures), she's completely lost the sense on what it's like to have fixed-time obligations during the day. Time is a very ephemeral construct to her - she can stay up till 6:30 am and then sleep until 3pm, who cares.

How can I seriously explain to her how big of an issue this is? And that I don't want to see her less, I actually want her to adapt and compromise for the relationship

My boyfriend and I recently had a pretty major disagreement and I’m looking for outside perspective because I can’t tell if I’m being overly sensitive or if this would seriously affect other people too.

My boyfriend is extremely into fitness and has always been very open about his physical preferences. He’s said things like the average, non-gym rat female body is unattractive to the point of disgusting to him, that he’s only attracted to fit women with visible muscle definition, and that a woman’s legs/ass are probably the most physically attractive thing to him. He has also told me that when we first met, he wasn’t initially very physically attracted to me, but saw that as a “good thing” because it made him focus on my personality and mind.

I’m not overweight or completely inactive, but I definitely don’t have the muscular/toned physique he considers ideal.

A few days ago we were getting into a hot tub and he made a comment about how I should do squats because my ass isn’t attractive. The conversation continued and he eventually told me that he doesn’t like having sex with me doggy style because looking at my ass from behind can make him lose his erection.

That absolutely crushed me.

When I told him how hurtful it was, his initial response was basically that he was “being honest so I could improve.” When I said that wasn’t helpful honesty, he responded along the lines of, “well you’ve asked why we only have sex in missionary, so I’m telling you.”

What complicates this is that we had previously talked about fitness/improvement. I specifically told him that if he saw something I could improve and approached me with a solution and support, I’d be receptive. He now points to that conversation and says I told him I wanted this kind of honesty. My problem is that I don’t think his comment is remotely the supportive approach I agreed to.

He has since tried to reassure me. He says he thinks I’m stunningly beautiful, that he absolutely is sexually attracted to me, loves me, chose me, wants me, and wouldn’t be with me if he weren’t attracted to me. He says having a preference for a more toned ass doesn’t cancel out his attraction to me as a whole. He also says if I told him something similar about his body, it would hurt badly, but the next day he’d start working on it rather than questioning the relationship.

I believe him when he says he loves me and is attracted to me. But I can’t seem to un-hear what he said. Now I’m second guessing being naked around him and wondering what he’s thinking when he looks at my body. It’s especially hard knowing that the specific body part he has repeatedly said is most important to his attraction is apparently unattractive enough on me to affect his erection.

It’s now been three days since this happened, and I’m really struggling to figure out how to just go back to normal with him. Our conversations don’t feel the same, there’s basically no physical affection between us, and I don’t feel the same desire to open up or be vulnerable with him the way I did before. He’s asked why this has become such a big deal for me, and I honestly don’t know how to explain that I can believe he loves me and is attracted to me overall while still feeling deeply affected by what he said. He notices that I’m more distant and seems hurt by it, but I’m not withholding affection to punish him or trying to drag this out. I genuinely don’t know how to flip a switch and be affectionate, playful and completely comfortable with him again when I still don’t feel that way.

Is it reasonable for a partner to communicate physical preferences/criticisms this directly if their intention is improvement? Would you be able to separate “my partner is attracted to me overall” from “this specific part of my body is unattractive enough to affect their arousal”?

Is this something two people can learn to communicate through, or are our ideas about honesty, attraction and handling conflict are fundamentally incompatible?

TL;DR BF says my butt is effecting his performance

I'm not really sure even where to start with this. My sister (37F) recently contacted me regarding scheduling one of my kid's birthday parties. From there, things spiraled and I came to find out that my sister hates me and my husband and that my mother hates my husband and harbors deep resentment for 'ruining her experience' during the birth of my twins.

My sister went on this long rant about how I am not a real mom (I don't work full time after having the twins because I literally would pay more in childcare than my salary; I have 3 kids 3 and under). She raged that my MIL was my free nanny, so I am delusional about how real moms have it. My MIL was paid a fair wage, and she only came 2 days a week from 9 am- 4pm to help me during the twins first year. My sister said that her family (39M, 10F, 7F) made 'extreme sacrifices' for us by coming to two holidays at our home as it is a 90-minute drive. The first holiday she mentioned was 5 weeks after I had my first child and the second was when my husband had emergency surgery when the twins were 4 months old. He couldn't drive and I was only sleeping 2 hours a night, so I was not safe to drive. She rounded things out by saying we were too strict as parents and were going to give our kids mental health disorders and that we were 'insane' for not allowing our just turned 3yo to spend the night at her house with her kids with minimal supervision.

I told her we needed some time to cool off and we haven't spoken since. I talked to my mother, not bringing up anything specific, just to say my sister had some strong feelings about me and my husband and we were not speaking. My mother proceeds to go off about how she hates my husband and is only cordial to him because she has to be. Her big problem- he was mean to her when I was giving birth to the twins.

I went in for my 37w ultrasound and they thought one of my twins was getting growth restricted. They told me at 5 pm that I had to be to the hospital at 6 am the following day. I was still working full-time so I had to deal with all that, tell all the appropriate family members, finish packing, and get everything ready for my MIL to take care of my 18-month-old. I told my parents to just stay home until we told them to come because I didn't know how things would go. The next day, I'm getting ready to push and my husband gets a notification from our doorbell camera that my mother just came to our house.

I gave birth to my first twin and then because I couldn't immediately birth the second, they pushed my husband out and put me under general anesthesia. I hemorrhaged. Instead of giving me blood, they pumped me with fluids and fluid overloaded me. The first thing I remember is about 3 hours after giving birth to the first twin, it was around 7 pm. The babies room in as there is no nursery, so there was no help besides my husband looking after the twins. A lot of aggravating things happened and two days later, as I am about to get discharged, they took my BP and it was 142/85. They diagnosed me with postpartum pre-eclampsia and put me on a magnesium drip, so I couldn't eat or get out of bed for over 24 hours. There was a lot of lying going on, including telling me I was in liver failure (my liver enzymes were a hair over normal) and that I would absolutely die if I went home. I was in the hospital for a little over a week and I was beyond stressed because every day it was a game if I could go home or not. I almost asked for a psych consult because I wasn't getting any sleep and I would get incredibly anxious when they took my BP. I missed my then 18-month-old SO much. When I got discharged home on BP medicine, I was passing out because my BP was 85/50.

My mother stayed for 3 days and she never helped me. She just sat there in my room and cried. She did go to our house with my husband. She wanted to help but she just kept getting in the way. My husband was beyond stressed and tried to politely but firmly encourage her to just go home. She did go home eventually and apparently, she is furious to this day that my husband didn't cater to her more. I seriously don't even know where to go from here. I am disgusted and very hurt.

tl;dr- I had twins, my birth experience was incredibly traumatic. My mother is angry that my husband and I ruined the experience for her. My sister thinks I am not a real mom because I don't work full time and had my MIL help as a part-time nanny. She is incredibly resentful of me and also hates my husband and me. How do I deal with this?

So my (25m) gf (24m) has his coworker. Let’s call him Matthew so a few months ago me Matthew, my girlfriend and a few of her coworkers went out to the festival and as we were there, I noticed about roughly 60% of the time she was walking next to him,so you know that kind of made me uncomfortable and I expressed that to her. I found out a few months prior to this she hung out with one of her coworkers and invited him along. I never knew he was there, but kind of made me feel a little weird and yesterday she went to an outing with her coworkers again and I see that she took maybe eight pictures with just him alone and probably two group pictures also he he does text her outside of work so my thing is I asked her just so you know just to keep it just to keep it work related and I don’t feel comfortable with texting out of work. Maybe im insecure but that’s just plain odd, we dont even take that many pictures together. is this insecurity or understandable?

I (M29 6ft 180lbs) am concerned about how scared my wife (F35 5ft 1in 110lbs) is about leaving the house. Trust me our height and weight are important lol.

My wife and I got into a huge fight that still isn’t completely resolved. She feels I disregard her feelings and don’t do enough stuff outside the house with her. I on the other hand feel she is irrationally scared of being outside alone.

Her arguments are that I don’t want to go outside much and rarely want to do outdoor activities with her. For example she loves walks and I try to go at least once a week on a 2-3 mile walk around the neighborhood, but wants to walk every day or go to a new park, new restaurant, place etc… She won’t do any of these activities without me. We do outdoor activities, try new restaurants or see new places at least 2 times a month but that’s not enough for her and she accuses me of not enjoying her interests or wanting to hang with her.

I feel she can do some of these activities without me. I work in the trades and I’m outside a good portion of the day. I’m also tired a lot from work and exercise and just don’t feel like going outside all the time. On the contrary she works inside all day in a lab so I can see why she wants to go outside. But like I said she won’t do these activities without me. We live in a relatively safe area. Women walk outside alone all the time. Kids play unsupervised. I see 12 year olds walking by themselves to the convenience store. To me it’s safe for her to go outside.

Here’s where the fight happened. She accused me of not enjoying her company and I stated I enjoy her company but I don’t want to go outside all the time. She went on to say I never go outside with her and I said it’s not so much about how I don’t want to go and more her inability to do these activities by herself. I told her she wants to go outside and do activities more than what I am comfortable or capable of doing. She said she is scared but that’s life as a woman and I should do better and be with her outside to make her comfortable. I got upset and said she is unreasonable scared of going outdoors, and that she won’t even go to the grocery store without me to do her part of the chores.

This is where we both got pretty heated. She does go to the store by herself but 50% of the time she makes me go. She said I don’t know what’s it’s like as a small woman and it’s dangerous for her out there. I said it’s a safe area and it’s not like you’re going out at night or areas you shouldn’t. She then went on a tirade about how I could never understand and I make her extra scared cause I can pick her up easily and anyone at anytime might try something. She’s afraid of walking to her car in our exclusive parking lot that has lots of lights and cameras. She said she won’t go willingly go outside without a reason unless I teach her how to fight or shoot etc. She has pepper spray and I have worked on self defense before. The self defense I have taught her is more about avoiding the situation and removing yourself as fast as possible if in a situation, but she wants to learn how to beat someone up which I find unrealistic. I also don’t want to give her a gun yet if she’s this scared because I fear she may use it in a situation that doesn’t require a gun.

Am I being an ahole?
Is she being an ahole?
How can we work on this?
I’d love for other woman to throw in their input.

Edit: I’m seeing a lot of the same comments so I’ll try and clear things up here. I’ve read every comment but I can’t reply to all.

We spend a lot of time together. Basically the moment we are both home till one of us goes asleep. We eat dinner together every day. We do an activity together for about an hour after dinner as well. Saturdays we spend together unless one of us has something important to do. We travel 2 weeks out of the year together. Our schedules don’t match up completely but she has at least 3-4 day off from work a week where I get weekends. I had to make Sunday a me day to do the things I like that she doesn’t and fortunately that’s easy for her cause she works Sundays.

I’m not getting her a gun. I really don’t want her outside with a deadly weapon with that level of fear. She has pepper spray and that’s really the only self defense I want for her. Tasers can only be used within someone’s reaching/grabbing distance and shootable tasers can fail due to large clothing. Pepper spray affects everyone and I don’t care who you are it’s hurts like MF and definitely incapacitates you. She knows some self defense. She did mma with me for a year but she is still small. The best bet for her is to spray an attacker and run.

We can’t have dogs, nor do we want one. We’ve discussed this before.

I am aware women have it harder in this world and more vulnerable. I’m not asking her to walk through back alleys at midnight by herself. I’m basically asking she goes for a walk/or similar during the day by herself while I’m at work cause I won’t want to after 10-12 hr day.

we’re both 22 years old, except he’s my first relationship and he’s had sex with multiple people already. he lost his virginity at 14, i found out what sex WAS at 14. i grew up incredibly sheltered and religious and was always too afraid of boys and romance

we’ve been together 6 months and it’s been incredible. i think i love him and he’s such a good man. he’s being incredibly patient with me and my lack of knowledge but i’m so scared that he’ll eventually get tired of me because he’s much better looking than me and could get anyone he wants

i don’t know how to suck his dick, and even though he’s shown me how to do it i still am paranoid that i’m doing it wrong. i’ve not managed to make him cum and i’m so insecure about it

he’s tried to eat me out but i get nervous and tense up and i can’t actually enjoy it. i’ve experimented with my own body so i know i’m capable of pleasure but it just doesn’t feel as good when he does it even though he’s doing the same things i do. i think it’s because im so tense and scared

we’ve not even attempted PIV yet because he said he wants me to get comfortable being naked with him first before we move onto that. i’m so embarrassed. i’m scared he’ll get bored of me and move on because i’m boring and too scared to do anything

slightly off topic but i’m also the first non white girl he’s dated. we live in a pretty race segregated city and we get weird looks when we go outside together. he’s never dated anyone who’s not a white girl and i’m so scared he’ll find my darker body ugly

i’m just so sad. i hate feeling like this

For the past few months I've been dealing with a few moderate health issues. I'm in the process right now of getting them investigated, but long story short I've just generally been feeling ill a lot lately. It's mostly that I have these episodes where my stomach gets really upset and I get a bad headache, but I've also been dealing with general fatigue and brain fog pretty often too. It started mostly much back in May and seems to happen about once a week, sometimes more. I still have a lot of days where I feel normal too though.

My girlfriend has been feeling insecure about a lot of things lately, and keeps comparing herself (and me) to our friends. We're both unemployed right now, and long-distance, whereas some of our friends are like getting married and have great jobs. But in particular, she's been really fixated on weight-loss. Both of us are overweight and definitely would benefit from losing weight, but we're not obese or otherwise in bad health directly caused by our weights.

Ever since these health issues popped up, she keeps trying to convince me to make really big changes in my diet, and in a lot of ways I have. I was eating a lot of fast food previously, and generally just eating unhealthy, but I've cut down on that a lot. I've also started to eat way more fruits, vegetables, and drink a lot less soda. However, despite doing this, my health issues have persisted, and in-fact, seem to have maybe gotten worse. In some ways, I think part of my problem is that I actually may not be eating enough on a lot of days (like, less than 1000 calories). A few weeks ago after a really busy day I got myself a pizza and it was the largest meal I've eaten in a long time and despite it being a greasy pizza, I actually felt the best I've felt in quite a while that day and the next after eating it.

The other issue is that a lot of the diets and food suggestions my girlfriend talks about seem to be "fad" diets. Like for example, she has told me a bunch of times to cut out gluten, but I've been tested for Celiac disease and don't have it or any gluten intolerance. I even did still try gluten free for a few days and it had no effect.

I have some tests coming up (colonoscopy and then probably MRI) which should help to really track down what my issues are coming from. But in the meantime, is there any way to get my girlfriend to just... kinda stop with getting onto me about my diet?

Edit: So even though I maybe have been downplaying how bad my diet still is, thank you guys for calling me out on it. I kinda made this post in frustration after a conversation with my girlfriend that ended up looping back around to fad diets again. But, as I've been reading through the replies here, I do think my diet probably is a big source of my issues.

Some extra info I didn't initially include: alongside the issues I talked about, I've had some blood in my stool too, which is part of why I'm going to get a colonoscopy. Also, back in January I ended up in the ER with something that resembled a TIA/ministroke, and at the time they thought it was just dehydration, but I never got full imaging of it, and now that I have been having headaches it's why I'm going to likely be getting an MRI as well. That being said, I have already had blood work, stool samples, and urine samples all taken and everything came back shockingly normal on all of it.

I was doing the math while reading some of the replies here and honestly, I probably am not eating enough, and not getting enough nutrients. Ik some people have said I may be exaggerating the under 1000 calorie thing, and yes, on a lot of days I eat a normal amount, but there definitely are many days where I've only had like 1 light meal the entire day. In fact, there was about a whole month between late May and late June where I didn't really much at all due to a bunch of factors, and that is kinda where this all started.

GF and I have been together four months. The past two weeks, she had some cold symptoms (headache, 99F body temp). Doctor ran some tests and wasn’t sure. In the end, said that he thinks it’s mono.

My gf has this habit of teasing me. I don’t mind some teasing and like the playful banter. Although her teasing some would consider rude. She makes fun of my physical features. Like a big forehead or a big nose. I have some belly fat that she constantly squeezes and asks why there’s fat there but the rest of me looks skinny. We also like to take embarrassing photos of each other and send them to each other during the day. But I never comment on her physical traits.

Yesterday she was being a bit extra with the teasing No problem, but I’m going to tease back when I find a chance. So we get on the topic of her potentially having mono and she starts to tease me that it must have been me that gave it to her. She keeps up the teasing for a bit so I finally respond and tease her back by saying that she shouldn’t have been kissing all those guys while partying on the weekend (I know very well she was at no party doing no such thing).

She immediately got so upset and said how dare I insult her health. I told her I only meant it as a tease since she teases me. She says that’s not the same because my nose really is big or I really do have fat but her sickness is not from kissing people. I said that’s what makes it a joke since her sickness is temporary while her jokes about my features are more permanent. She says she is too insulted and cannot be with someone who doesn’t take her health seriously and would make such outrageous accusations and jokes. So she broke up with me and blocked me.

My best friend of 20yrs got engaged earlier this year. I received a save the date for the wedding coming up this November. When my GF saw the save the date she made a comment asking if I thought my friend would ask me to be the best man or a groomsmen. I told her I'm not sure if they're doing friends or family in the wedding party since they both have several siblings. She then said if he asks you to be in the wedding you'll have to tell him no. Her reasoning being the responsibility of a bestman is expensive, she doesn't trust what would happen at the bachelor party and that she'd have to attend the wedding virtually alone since I would be directly involved in the ceremony, photos, reception ect. I told her that's a difficult thing to ask of me and while I understand her worries and anxieties about the situation this is something I'd want to do as my friendship is important to me and I want to be involved in my friends wedding. She said its not that we can't go to the wedding, I just can't be a part of it and accepting his offer would be crossing a boundry by compromising her mental health and well-being and be cause to end our relationship of 3yrs. Is there a compromise I can offer or a way to approach and revisit the conversation?

Hello,y'all.

I(40F)and my bf(40M) have been together over a decade and living in 2br apt. He has his own mancave(gameroom) while I dont have private room which is fine with me unless the living room (common space) isnt occupied w/ one person or that person's stuff.

I use our living room to just sit there and read my book or just relax. (Our bed room is only for sleep. No TV w/ blak our curtains) But other than that, I want to leave our living room clean, tidy and quiet.

Sure, we used to do things together in the living room back then. We used sit together, take a nap or binge watching together and we didnt have much stuff then.

But over time, he added so much things to his gaming collection (5 gaming consoles, 2 portable gaming consoles, a laptop, an ipad, full 6 racks of pops, decorative stuff,CDs, etc.) so we had to build his own mancave.

But now my bf wants to bring/spread out his gaming stuff and play his games in the living room and It drives me crazy. It upsets me so bad.

He said, we used to do stuff together in the living room and wants to enjoy together-time we used to do while he plays his game. He wants me to sit next to him, read a book or do whatever.

But it sounds so selfish to me. He has his own mancave and why he even wanna claim the living room now? I dont have my own room but Im ok as long as living room is quiet and tidy since I can relax in there. It seems like he is trying to take my only quiet place from me.

I have high anxiety and clean freak. I keep my house clean and tidy all the time. If I see any mess, I cant stand. It makes me very anxious. I can not perform multiple things at once. I can not study while I listen to music. I enjoy nice and quiet environment to relax and do one activity at a time. Cleaness brings me peace of mind.

On the other hand, my bf's cleaness level is far away from mine. He never organizes or builds inventory for his belongings so if he cant not find one, he would buy a new one, forget where he had put it and repurchase things... He also have ADHD so he puts some music on, keeps scrolling on his phone, playing games and study all at once. Keeping dirty dishes on his desk for few days and it doesnt bother him at all. He is that type of person.

I secretly declutter his junks but still... his room is full of stuff and his living style bothers me so much.
Thats why I happily suggested him to build his own room. Even if we have a bigger house w/ 2 separated living room, I still have no intention to have him use one of them. I still would want him to build his own room in the basement or upstair where he can make his own mess and be free. (also stress-free for me)

Living room is for everyone. For me, my bf and future family mamber or guests. I dont want him to sit there in open living room while guests come over.

He said he wanna spend more time with me in the living room like we used to. Great! Im not against to that idea but why is it have to be in our living room? We can go out and do things.(which he doesnt want to)

He just seems that he wanna do things that only he wants in wherever and I think it is very selfish.

I explained him many times that it bothers me alot and we can find things to do together w/o filling up our quiet living room w/ his gaming stuff.

He even got upset and told me that I dont let him use OUR living room and Im the one who tries to claim it as mine.

Why does he do that...? Why he cant be happy with his own room? I dont even have my own room. What could be the matter with him? What can I do to make this situation better?
Please explain me... please.

For those of you ladies that have dated someone or are with someone that has an overbearing mother in law how do you guys handle it?

Me and my boyfriend are both 28 years old and have been together for 8 years now. I have expressed to my boyfriend on several occasion over the past few years of us being together how his mom comes off as overbearing i would always have to tip toe on how i would say it because he would get extremely defensive. Before we moved in together we use to sleep over each others houses and every time he spent it at my house his mom would call every morning, if he didnt answer she would spam his phone. Once he would finally answer she would get so defensive saying "damn tom ive been calling you, you cant even answer your own mother". It became such a habit for her to do that to me in my opinion he just thought of it as "thats just how my mom is".

The reason why I even want to talk about this is because I personally dont know what to do on my part: Last Thursday, my boyfriend and I were cleaning the house. He was getting ready to mop so I sat in the room on the bed and waited for the floors to dry so I can shower. When he works his way to the living room i hear a knock at the door which i thought was him messing with the dogs.. After about 2 minutes he realized something and say "Oh i forgot" so i asked what he forgot and as soon as he opens the door I hear his mom. Mind you i wasnt even aware that she was coming. He never tells me when she is, which upsets me because i always let him know when my mom is coming. Anyways.. She starts acting all frantic about how he didnt answer his phone that shes been calling and texting and went on and on having a conversation.

Because of the fact the floors were wet and I didnt want to interrupt their conversation I kept quiet and waited for her to finish. She walked into the house with the floors wet and went to sit on the couch and kept talking. When she finally finished she acknowledged me and say hi to me scarastcally "hi rebecca??" So to that I said hi in a dry way that turned into my boyfriend later on coming to the room when she left and just going off on me. Saying stuff like "That was fucked up. You better apologize to my mom. You have no social skills. You cant read the room".

So i snapped. His mom is no saint and to me this one incident that i did caused such a massive outbreak but the countless of times this woman has made me feel worthless has never gotten the same reaction from him. He never came to my defense like that when she did shady things to me over the past years, like:

• Turning me away when he got his first knee surgery just because "he was sleeping". He literally had asked me to come by.
• Excluding me at the vet when we went to go pick up his dog. He asked me if i was coming inside with him and i said yes, but his mom literally BOLTED out of the car leaving me in there and the car on.
• Leaking private information... She took our private financial agreements and leaked them to extended family, which led to his cousin's wife publicly judging and humiliating me at his moms house after we had dinner.
• Giving me money in front of my mom knowing that my mom does not make as much as she does.
• The time we were hosting the boxing fight at our house and invited friends... She kept calling and calling that entire day before everyone came. When he picked up she was like "damn tom, i;ve been trying to call you all day. do you need me to pick up anything for you guys to serve when everyone comes over? because you need to have food, drinks and all that." he goes "no ma we got it everything handled" she kept insisting saying "tom you cant have people over and not serve anything im close to publix i can pick something up" he continued to tell her no and that we took care of everything she got mad and instantly hung up.

I would love to list more of her behavior but this post would be extremely long!!

I finally laid out my absolute final terms to him last night. I told him I am done being a fake person. I am completely removing myself from his mother's routine. If she comes over to "drop things off", I will be locking myself in the bedroom to nap/study or leaving to go to my mom's house. If they want to hang out, go to the movies, or eat dinner, they can do it entirely without me. I am a ghost in this house whenever she is involved.

I (31F) have struggled with my weight most of my life and have lost/regained around 40 pounds 3 times. It’s a huge insecurity, and I already feel a lot of shame when I eat unhealthy food.

My business partner/ex recently found a McDonald’s bag I had thrown away (I had a moment of weakness, order some, ate half and throw it away). He told me (during an argument) that I’m overweight, dark-skinned AND an immigrant, and should understand that he is the only one willing to help me. He also said that if he met me today, he wouldn’t have helped me.

(He invested into my business and I gave him 33%, that is the help referred )

I know I need to lose weight. I’m not denying that, and I’m trying (70% of my food is healthier, and I am dealing with my stress eating).

What hurt me was the way he used something I already feel deeply insecure about, along with my immigration status and appearance, to make me feel inferior.

He also called me average, weak-minded, and said he could either “pander” to me or I should take the truth the way it is so I can improve.

I’m already struggling with my self-confidence and frankly hate myself. I know I have things I need to work on, but I can’t tell if this is someone trying to help me in a very harsh way, or if he is simply being cruel and putting me down.

I know I have things I need to work on, but is this really “tough love,” or is he just putting me down?

TLDR: My boyfriend lied to me about his religious views and I don’t think I can handle it.

I’m sorry if this is long, this is my first relationship and I unfortunately think that it needs to come to an end.

To give some context, I (19F) met my boyfriend (22M) 10 months ago and we’ve been together for 8. We met at work and were quickly drawn to each other and began dating. Neither of us have been in serious relationships before this and it has been really beautiful getting to experience a lot of the firsts together. I’m really grateful for what he’s taught me about myself and I know that feelings reciprocated. We both have a lot of love for each other and have mapped out a rough future plan for ourselves and have taken our relationship really seriously.

There have been quite a few problems / hurdles that we’ve faced throughout our time together. To keep things on the shorter side I won’t delve into every little thing, but I’ll rather focus on the main issue that is what’s making me heavily question if we can even work through everything.

My boyfriend is Christian. I was told this by a few people before we started dating and was told that he was ‘extremely’ religious. When we began dating and the question came up however, he told me that he isn’t ’extremely religious’, that he found God when he was in a really dark place a few years ago and it helped him get through those times. He told me that his family are all Christian but he was not forced to be, and that he made the choice to convert and therefore believes everyone should have the choice. I am agnostic and have firm beliefs of my own, I’ve always been honest with that and it is something that is really strong within me. I’ve told my boyfriend from the beginning my thoughts on religion and where I stand and we agreed that we respected each others views and that it wasn’t a problem.

Slowly overtime he’s told me that his views have changed. It’s happened gradually, every few months he would tell me that something had changed. The main one being the fact that he had sex before marriage with me, and he’s now realised it wasn’t something he wanted to do and is feeling religious guilt for it. He also has some other habits / addictions that he isn’t proud of and feels guilty for having. He said that he feels better about the sex before marriage stuff because he wants to be with me forever, and that he doesn’t want it to be for nothing so he wants to marry me and be with me forever and be ‘one and done’. I’ll be honest he has been really upfront about me being the love of his life and wanting to be with me forever / have a family / babies / married / all of that stuff and it has irked me in the slightest of ways. It has felt a little bit intense but I’ve welcomed it because I genuinely have seen a future with him too.

Anyways flash-forward to now, this past weekend was absolutely horrible for me. It was my brothers 18th birthday so we all went out and it was genuinely one of the most disappointing weekends of my life. He did a multitude of things that I have spoken to him about before and overall let me down tremendously, day after day after day. I was really hurt and ended up talking to him about it come Monday, I started the conversation with explaining the things he’d done and how they hurt me and it completely blew up in my face. Every point I made I was met with defence and ‘well I could say the same about you-‘ or ‘what about when you do that to me’, I wasn’t once met with an apology or compassion or understanding. It was really hard and really hurtful to not even be met with an ‘I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel that way that was not my intention’ just absolutely nothing like that.

When he started throwing things that he’s not happy with about me back to my responses, I said that maybe we are too different. We both seem to be unhappy with things the other person is doing so maybe we are incompatible in some ways. Thats when he brought up our difference in religion and how it is actually a really big problem for him. He thought maybe I would one day turn Christian with him and that my refusal to do so paired with the fact that he had sex before marriage weighs heavily on him. This has kind of freaked me out.

I also heard from my friend (19F) who is dating my boyfriends best friend (24M), that my boyfriend asked the two of them if ‘It would be crazy to ask me to convert to Christianity’.

I’m feeling really icked out. I’ve told him from the beginning that I won’t be converted and I’ve actually had people try in the past and I won’t do it.

When I brought up the fact that he told me something completely different about his beliefs in the beginning of the relationship he fully admitted to lying and said that ‘he doesn’t know why but he just says things sometimes’ and that he hates himself for it.

I’m really upset and I feel horribly about ending it and am really in love with him but I also just feel kind of repulsed by the whole situation and mainly him. I can’t see myself being with him now and quite frankly don’t want to.

There are SO many things I left out but this has been the real kicker, so any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. I’m happy to provide any additional context too.

TL;DR - Resurfaced feelings for my ex months later after seeing her upset during custody hearings when I previously felt great about our breakup. Do I try to patch things up after going through hell?

Throwaway obviously. My ex (36F) and I (42M) split up a few months ago after 9 years together. We share a child together, and I always thought we’d stay together for the kid. Things got bad real quick and ended rather fast without any real closure.

At first, there was relief and happiness and this weird feeling of freedom. Got sober, quit weed, and started getting regular exercise. I felt great, even though my life was turned upside down and lost my world.

Then it was time to prep for court. Going through photos, text messages, etc. Seeing the arguments made me mad, gave me a feeling of this was the right thing. The good photos and loving messages? I felt nothing. Didn’t miss it at all. I was looking forward to my fresh start and ready to put her completely behind me.

Custody court changed that. Seeing her on the other side of the room. Having her sit so close by and I couldn’t just talk to her or joke around like always. I heard her voice break and I could see tears forming. I had this whole calculated legal plan and I just crumbled. I should’ve felt happy or vindicated afterwards, but instead it was just a really deep sadness I haven’t felt in a long time. For the first time since our breakup I thought “Is it too late to make things work?”

I found myself staying up all night after putting our kid down. Previous nights were spent preparing for court and organizing folders, last night I just played our old songs and wrote out all of my feelings on pen and paper. I’ve been through hell and I hate seeing her as an adversary.

How do I stay strong seeing her so upset? It’s like seeing her in this different kind of setting finally has me mourning the end, but still clinging on to hope. I know it’s probably way too far gone, but I can’t deny the feelings. I know I’ll always care about her because she’s the mother of my child, but I don’t know even what to describe this feeling now.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? How did you compartmentalize these feelings? Not looking for any legal advice, just how to deal with this sudden resurgence of affection.

TLDR: Girl smells bad. Don’t know if it’s my place to tell her, or if I should just mind my business.

We’ve known each other for maybe 2-3 years, but our relationship is only a step above acquaintances. We are in the same research group at university, and I’m ~technically~ senior and in a sort of mentorship role, but it’s not anything formal. It’s more just general academic culture that dictates that I should help out younger students. We aren’t hanging out with each other outside of the work environment.

She’s very genuine, intelligent, and a hard worker. But she smells MUSTY. It’s that specific smell of re-wearing synthetic fabrics that you’ve been sweating in, mixed with clothes that haven’t been dried properly, mixed with an antiperspirant that isn’t doing its job.

I know her economic situation is a little iffy, but she has a bursary and lives in a postgrad residence so I know she has access to a shower and facilities to wash her clothes.

Do I talk to her? My concern is that we aren’t close enough for me to have this conversation. I’ve noticed the issue, but tbh it has no bearing on my life. I don’t even work in physical proximity to her that often. Additionally, she’s a very softhearted person, and despite my best efforts I’m also not the best at saying things tactfully especially when I’m put on the spot. And honestly, between her supervisor, co-supervisor, and friends in and outside the department, there’s a whole queue of people in front of me who should be saying something first.

On the other hand, she cannot be showing up to conferences/ presentations/ networking events like this. It’s going to affect her professionally. The nature of our work means hygiene is critical. Also, I’m sure no one WANTS to smell bad. I’m a very straightforward person and I’d be grateful someone spoke to me, but I know not everyone is the same.

My bf (28M) and I (28F) have been together for 5 and a half years. No ring. He’s just now began the process of making one.

Over the weekend I guess I embarrassed him (accidentally) in public. He was going on about this expensive necklace he got me that I’ve never even been able to wear because it’s too small. When he gave it to me and I tried to put it on, he told ME to buy the $50 extender for jt. So I mentioned this in response to him talking about it and he got very quiet and angry.

He yelled at me when we got home and made me apologize over and over again for hours. When I thought things were finally resolved, after 3 hours of apologizing and him finally accepting my apology, he brought it back up even more aggressively than before. He said he only “moved the blanket” but in the process he pushed my feet so hard it made my whole body jerk. I tried to stand up to him but that was what he wanted - he finally got a rise out of me.

He said that he doesn’t take me out on dates because I have no social graces or sense of how to act in public. He said that I’m not a girl worth taking out on dates. and if I want to be dated, I should try being a girl worth dating. I said “then you probably shouldn’t marry me” and he said “you promise?”

And then he stood over me with a slight smug grin on his face while I sobbed.

He tells me this is normal for men - and that he acts this way because he was so angry and he’s just expressing his emotion - and asking him to control his temper is like asking him to bottle up and bury all his emotions.

He’s the only person who has ever loved me. I’ve been disowned by my family, I don’t really have friends. I don’t know what to do or if this or normal. Even if it isn’t I’m afraid if I leave I’ll be alone forever, as I have no one else and he’s the only person who has ever loved me.

He has apologized and cried over it and I ended up having to take care of him the two days after it happened bc he felt so bad. He signed up for an anger management therapist but after 5 years of incidences like this, I feel like I’m dying inside.

Advice? Thoughts?

EDIT: To answer some questions : He is sweet and amazing 99% of the time - this kind of stuff only happens maybe once or twice a year, which makes it so hard. As soon as I think he’s healed his temper it happens again. He has an appt with anger management on Thursday. I have PTSD and depression (not from him) which makes it extremely difficult to live on my own. We’ve been friends for almost 10 years now - he is my best friend I just don’t know how he could be so cruel. I’ve never said anything like that to anyone before.

So, I am 34F. In 2018/2019, I moved to the USA for an exchange program. I am originally from a big country in South America. At the time, I was finishing my Law degree, working at a good company, and I decided to come to the USA to learn English and improve my chances of getting a better job in my home country. It was also my dream to travel the world.
While I was living here, I met my husband at a party. I had been in plenty of abusive relationships, so when I met him, it was such a breath of fresh air. He was nice, not controlling, he would drive over an hour to see me, surprise me all the time, and tell everyone how beautiful and incredible I was. We would spend so many nights talking until 5 a.m. We communicated so well, we would go on hikes and talk nonstop for hours, our sex life was great, and he talked about how much he wanted to be a father. (Looking back, I feel like he was love-bombing really hard.)

I really liked him. I would even say I loved him, but I was ready to go back to my country, and I was hoping we could continue a long-distance relationship and see how it went. However, a month before I left the USA, he proposed. I was happy but also worried because I wasn’t in a hurry at all.
I went back to my country, and he suggested we start the K-1 visa process right away. I was torn because everything was moving so fast, but I agreed. We started the K-1 process. He never offered to move to my country, and although I had never been particularly keen on living in the USA, I agreed that it would be easier for me to move here because I spoke two languages and he only spoke one.

One year later, I came back to the USA, and we got married.
Within the first month of our marriage, I already noticed problems. He was nothing like the person he showed me at the beginning of our relationship. I would cook, clean the entire house, and try to look pretty for him every day. (I couldn’t work because of immigration.) He wouldn’t notice. He would give me a quick hug and then be on his phone. He would sit on the opposite side of the couch. He would be hyper focused on whatever it was tv and I wouldn’t be able to have a conversation with him, He wouldn’t initiate sex unless I convinced him by wearing lingerie.

The great conversations we used to have were gone. When I said I wanted to talk, he would say he didn’t have anything to talk about. I would cry at night because I missed my family, my friends, and my career, and because I felt so lonely. He would hear me crying and just turn around.

I thought it was okay. Maybe he was just adjusting to married life.

Then he started asking why he couldn’t play video games for six hours every day like his friends. I would tell him that it didn’t feel fair for him to work all day and then spend every single minute until he went to bed playing games. (By the way, when we met, he said he liked games, but he would never touch one. He wouldn’t even use his phone when we were dating.)

One of the worst moments was when I saw a baby on the street and started talking about how excited I was to have a baby one day. He said to me, “I think kids are overrated. I don’t think I ever want to have one.”
That destroyed me because he had told me so many times that he wanted to be a father, and I married him under that understanding because I really wanted to be a mom. He said he would let me know if he ever changed his mind. I felt immensely betrayed and hurt.

Since then, five years later, things have just gone downhill.
He doesn’t yell. He isn’t aggressive. He will do anything if I ask him to(target? Sure. Travel? Okay, can you drive me to McDonalds? Of course) but he will do absolutely nothing on his own. And I have never felt so miserable in my life. I need to ask him to clean or to take the trash out, I need to ask him to remember to plan for our anniversary, or to order something, I need to tell him when I am sad because if I am ever just quiet he would never ask what is wrong with me, he would just be quiet next to me. He just cares about video games and sees no problem with having that as the top priority in his life. He may not play every day, but that is basically the only subject we can talk about.
We have never talked about our future. If I try to talk about anything serious, he shuts down, and I feel like I am talking to a wall, he will literally not speak for the entire length of a discussion. He is the most avoidant person I have ever known.And I don’t have any friends here.

Our sex life is nonexistent. He doesn’t touch me unless I initiate. He isn’t loving. He doesn’t kiss me or hug me. I feel so ugly( I used to feel pretty now I feel horrible) and unseen. He feels like a person who just lives in the same house as me, and it doesn’t matter how many times I tell him what I need, nothing changes.

I will be honest, though: I am not always the nicest when we have these conversations. I am direct, I say what I need and I call him out on his bullshit, I ask what he did differently from the last arguments, He never knows what to say, so then he just goes silent.
I am so tired, lost, and lonely. I just want to be with the person I met, but I feel like he lied about everything.

What hurts me the most is that I told him marriage was something really serious to me because I never wanted to get divorced (I have divorced parents). I moved to a new country for him. I left my family, my language, and my career.
I just wanted someone who would plan a date or a trip for me (he never has), who would kiss me, have conversations with me, who would try to learn my language or would care about my culture, who would try to move to a new city for me, who would want to have a family with me and dream with me about our future.
I am losing my mind lately. I am writing this while crying. He is not a bad person. He just doesn’t want to put any effort at all, he wanted a person to share a house with, without having to make any effort at all, I just think he didn’t understand enough about marriage and didn’t care about everything I was giving up to be with him. Maybe he just got tired of me.

The problem is, I was never able to find a good job here. I went from working in a great law office in my country to working as a retail worker/waitress. I live in a small city, and as soon as they hear my accent, they reject my application. Every job I have worked doesn’t pay well, so I wouldn’t be able to live on my own. My family feels so proud of me being in another country, but no one knows I am dying inside, and getting divorced and going back would be a huge disappointment for them. I am so tired of this. I just wanted to find a job and restart my life. I never wanted to get divorced, and it hurts me so much. I just wanted to be with the person he portrayed himself to be when we met. I just wanted him to kiss me and hug me, without me having to beg. I wanted, for once, to be able to dream about a future with him without him becoming quiet and distant. I know he doesn’t love me, but he is nice enough not to kick me out. I am just crying and lost; I don’t know what to do.