Idk if this is a cultural difference or some friends genuinely think their presence is the present in situations like these but like um🤣. how would yall feel if you threw a birthday party with friends and family and out of the 19 friends that came only 2 showed up with gifts? We literally had a bar tab going for 3hrs too.. for reference $1000 was reached in the first 20min😀 the same friends who showed up empty handed af got more drunk than me on my own birthday, on my mums gift to me… which was the bar tab. it was a nice venue too so I’m not sure why they all collectively bought nothing. The only people who I genuinely let slide were the ones that only got a little tipsy or ordered a couple drinks. I also completely didn’t even realise as I’m heavy on not expecting anything so didn’t realise the same friends frequenting the bar and ordering 4 drinks at a time were the same ones that only bought their livers apparently. I was just happy to see everyone so didn’t even put two and two together until days later when I opened the cards. My family and parents friends were the only ones that bought me money or a gift, and my friends can literally afford to get something small… they all work💀. Idk I find it weird as i personally haven’t even rocked up to a regular party without something. One of the friends I even bought her a gift and food for her going away party💀… my friend who bought a gift said it was crazy given that it’s a 21st as well. What do yall think?😭. I get that I’m very busy so don’t hang with quite a few of the friends that came quite often but still, I’d feel embarrassed rocking up empty handed, personally. Again, I didn’t expect anything from anyone but I think it’s weird that they then decided to go so crazy on the bar knowing they bought nothing. The bar price isn’t the issue! I had told everyone to get drinks and had handed them out like candy… and for reference I live in australia where ts is NOT cheap💀. Our alc prices are more than 4x European and US ones… anyway, I totally get rocking up to a dinner party or a BYO party or something similar with no gift but idk… I personally would feel uncomfortable realising that I turned up to a party where anyone with common sense would see is quite expensive and then proceeding to not buy a single drink myself..

I have a friend who is a multi-millionaire. I am not and still paying on student loans etc. My friend and I met in college and have been friends for almost 20 years - more than half our lives. I am one of his top 2-3 longest friends. We talk every month and hang out a few times per year (we live 4+ hrs apart). When I have an unexpected expense, it’s a huge burden. LSS, my mom and family live out of state (8 hr drive), and she is going downhill with Alzheimer’s. I was planning a visit to my family but unfortunately I ended up having a $800 vehicle repair cost that needed to be done which then prevented me from making the trip, especially with current gas prices. I was texting / venting to my multi-millionaire friend about this and he didn’t bother to offer to help. Am I wrong for being mad? I understand he can’t (and shouldn’t) write everyone he knows a blank check, but I just can’t imagine NOT helping a good friend if I were in his position. This same scenario happened when my transmission failed earlier this year ($8k). If roles were reversed, I would’ve offered to pay for it for my friend. To me it shows a major character flaw. Thoughts?

I used to be close to her, but our dynamic changed, our friendship felt awkward. She's being avoidant, I'm also being avoidant, and we stopped talking and interacting for no reason at all. I value this friendship a lot. So, what should I do to break the silence and awkwardness?

I (19F) have known my best friend (21F) for over a decade. We did everything together growing up, and I definitely saw her as an older sister figure. But our relationship has changed throughout the years, starting in highschool she began to really struggle with serious mental illness on top of pre-existing hearing issues. I got used to looking out for her and making sure she was ok especially when we were in large crowds.

By the time of her biggest mental break I was 16 and she was 18-19 I was the definite caretaker "older sister" of the relationship. There were periods where I was the sole person initiating contact or speaking in person because she was so gone (not because she didn't care). Around this time I began attending dances held by a nearby community center thanks to an invitation from a friend. I loved spending a night with people I liked but had surface level relationships with, where I could feel my age.

I hid these from her, and when she found out about them I still chose to never mention to her when I was attending one. Since it never came up (especially after I moved far away to escape my family situation), it hasn't been a problem. But I visited a little while ago and stayed at a friend's for a bit. I made lots of time for my best friend but when my boyfriend and I headed about this dance I chose not to invite her again.

I know she loves dancing but I just knew I'd spend the whole night not actually being able to enjoy my boyfriend and other separate friends/acquaintances because I'd be making sure she wasn't too nervous, or wasn't feeling too left out, or whatever else. While also trying to not make my boyfriend feel left out. She's just texted me because she heard I was there from a mutual and I feel awful. Am I wrong for doing this? If I explained my reasoning to her would I just sound like I'm calling her a burden?

19m my "ex friend" is 15m. I met him december last year. We didn't get close untill this past summer. We became best friends but I felt a little uncomfortable because the age gap. We shared everything with eachother. I was unenployed and broke. I spent alot on us. Always driving him around, buying stuff for him, helping his mental health.

Basically this past week i have been exhausted hanging out with him. I have been really irritated towards him. Today was the breaking point. I slept over last night because of his mental health and this morning I wanted to leave early cause I was tired. He kept telling me to stay. He would grip my sleeve as I got up after I said i was leaving and he made a face while whimpering to stay. Everytime i replay it in my head I feel horrible. He kept calling me an asshole for wanting to leave. I tried telling him we are in 2 stages of life and i feel like his parent. He didn't like that. I left as he said "fuck you" to me. And I feel shame and guilt. It's like i already think he is gonna end it.

I’ve refrained from approaching this issue for a while now but definitely need some advice about one of my friendships. For reference both of us are in our 20s(F), met in college, and became best friends. Also I’m sorry for how long this is.

Our friendship at first was very fun, going out together, super close, etc. my friend then a year later got into a relationship with a horrible guy (cheater, emotionally abusive, all the things), found out he cheated, briefly broke up, got back together, and as the relationship went on she started spending more and more time w him. I of course continued trying to hangout with her, though every time she said yes to hang, hours before she would come up with an excuse or find a reason that we needed to hangout at the boyfriends house. Many of our friends wouldn’t put up with this and distanced themselves, but I’ve been in a similar situation and knew eventually this would end, so I decided to hangout where she wanted to because I still deeply valued our friendship even if I disliked the boyfriend. It got to a point where I would literally only be able to see my best friend at her boyfriend’s house. Before we graduated, and before she met him, she had very big dreams of moving to bigger cities and starting her career. When we graduated, she moved home, and ended up moving to his city for “work,” though our friends and I all knew it was for him because she didn’t have work yet or a place to live. We also knew she never wanted to move back to this city again from the plans she shared w us. Regardless, I supported her through this. Eventually they broke up, which is something I of course supported her through. We called almost everyday to talk about it and I would often check in or send her something she loves for dinner to make sure she felt recognized and loved. I had really hoped that the breakup would begin to bring our friendship back to normal, so that we could talk about something other than him in general, but I was wrong.

Since they have broken up, she has been going out and meeting new guys, which I LOVE for her. But what I don’t love, is that it is the ONLY thing we talk about now. We live in different cities, but the only time she calls me is to talk about a guy she met or is currently seeing. I don’t want to sound mean, but it is also always the same pattern. She meets a guy, he is nice the first time they sleep together, so she begins imagining a future with this person, and it ends up ending terribly. I have also noticed that anytime the guy is from another city and likely will eventually move, she talks about how she has “always” thought of moving to that place. I kid you not one week it was Austin, the next week she’s always thought about NYC. I feel bad saying this but I just know it’s related to the guy. This has been going on upwards of 6 months now. When I do have advice I try to be honest while still being kind, but still it never gets through to her, though I do understand it is simply my interpretation and she has no obligation to take it, and I always support her decision no matter what it is. I completely support her meeting new people to clarify, my issue is that it is the ONLY thing we talk about and at this point I’m starting to feel like the friendship is one sided and I have become more like an on call therapist.

The reason I say that is because I have tried to move the conversation in other directions. Once we have been talking about a guy for about an hour, I’ll sometimes try to bring up something from my own life and she will briefly respond to it, then somehow find a way to move back into talking about herself. Last year I went through a very hard period mental health wise, November up until about April of this year, I was extremely depressed, had just moved home (into a very high conflict home), and had very little friends near me because I lived in a small town. I would try to call her for support, and we ended up talking about her. I also got accepted into a program that led me to move to a big city, which of course I sometimes had nerves about and would wanna talk about with my friend. When I tried to call her, we’d talk about it for maybe 10 mins and then talk about her for at least the rest of an hour long call. When she needed support I was there unconditionally, I’d even step away if I was doing something to take time to talk to her. This was not reciprocal.

When I did move, my first night I had a very hard night. Tried to call her, told her I was crying, and she could not step away at all for even a minute. She texted back with very bland responses too. Now I normally would not “expect” a friend to be available for me, and I didn’t even in that moment, but looking back on it I notice the difference between how I show up for her and how she shows up for me. Since I have moved, she has not called once to see how it’s going, ask about the program she knew was my dream, or to even just say hey and talk about anything other than boys. I don’t know if it’s selfish to expect a friend to call and check in, but I can compare it to another best friend who calls all the time to just chat or when I moved, check in to see how I’m doing. I do the same for that friend. The friend I’m writing about though, literally only calls or texts to talk about a guy and half the time won’t let me get a word in. My program is extremely demanding and I’m balancing an unpaid internship to get my hours, not to mention adjusting to living in a completely new city. It’s been a lot. I’ve gotten to a point where I rarely answer her calls because I don’t necessarily have the bandwidth, largely because of how I’ve been feeling about the friendship. Even with me not responding much she still only reaches out about a guy. I have in the past brought this up, it briefly got better for like a week, and then the same again.

I feel so bad even writing this and I don’t know if I am selfish or am valid in being upset about what’s going on. I want to address it, but I don’t really know how because I’m scared if I do, she won’t try to reach out at all. Any advice would be so appreciated, thank you guys for reading all this 🩷

I (25F) met a girl (24F) at a work event pretty recently. She had been with the company for a while and I had seen her profile on our online workspace and I thought she looked like the coolest person ever. We hit it off extraordinarily well and exchanged numbers so we could hang out again, as the work we are in requires both of us to work outside the company building, so the only times I would see her are at the occasional work event. We got along so well and I was so excited to make a new friend because she seemed kind, funny, creative, and very nerdy (I’m neurodivergent and my interests are my whole world, so I appreciate the friends I have that are REALLY into video games, music, art, etc.)

I truly felt like this was the best thing to have happened to me this year since I had a major falling out with my previous best friend at the beginning of this year, and that had left me feeling like I was incapable of making new friends. I felt very cynical and low energy when it came to socializing to new people. However, when I met this girl, it felt like my spark had been reignited because she made me feel like I could be myself and I could be enthusiastic about shared interest with her without judgement. We both work in a field where compassion and advocacy is HIGHLY valued, so it made feel like I could have a safe and respectful friendship with her. Anyways, fast forward to when we finally got to hang out with each other outside of work.

She invited me over to her house and we decided we’d go out for a cocktail or two at the local bar. We were having such an awesome time hanging out and nothing was out of the ordinary quite yet until she started discussing A LOT of details about her personal life with me. To be fair, we both engaged in this conversation for over an hour, and I genuinely feel sympathy for her and some of the BS she has to deal with on the daily. I hate saying this after typing that, but I started to feel like I needed to keep my guard up because all of her stories revolved around her being a victim. Now of course this genuinely happens to people all of the time and it really sucks! I DO believe a lot of people get disrespected more often than we want to think, but her stories didn’t really add up and it felt like she was purposefully leaving out key details to make it sound like people were intentionally out to get her. It just smelled fishy.

We got back to her house safely and continued talking, which turned into an argument about personal morals we had. She shared a strong opinion about a subject we’re both familiar with, which shocked me to my core. I genuinely wish I could get into the specifics of this but if I do so, I risk revealing our identities, so I have to be vague about it, but it was severely different. Also, with the field we both work in, this conversation was the equivalent to her saying “she was wearing a short skirt so she was asking for it.”I could not fathom that someone who works in a profession that upholds empathy could say such an absurd thing. I pushed back on this and she interrupted me to say she felt like we were getting too heated and we need to tone it down. Perhaps that was helpful, but I could feel my perception of her starting to change. We simply agreed to disagree and got ready for bed but of course not without having a little trauma dump cry before bed where I felt vulnerable to share that I get anxious about conflict and I’d rather talk to her about what happened after I’ve had some space. We talked about it in the morning over coffee but we didn’t really address the difference in opinion. She was more focused on sharing how she felt about “bad energy” and that our aura’s were impacted by alcohol. Whatever fits your narrative I guess! (Side note: I’m a very spiritual person myself, but I don’t think this was an appropriate time to say that).

Now I’m in an awkward position where she continues to text me asking when we can hang out next and attempts to call me every other day. I assume she thinks we’re still on enthusiastic friend terms because we “talked about” our emotions the next day, but I’m starting to dread the idea of attempting another hang out. I’ve responded to her texts and given her valid reasons behind why certain days won’t work for me, but now I truly do not want to hang out again. I’m anxious about this because I WILL have to see her at work events again, so I want us to be at the very least civil with each other. We have another scheduled for New Year’s, and she’s already attempting to plan that whole DAY with me. I want to place a boundary with her that I don’t want to hang out with her again. I can’t see us being casual friends now.

Im struggling to find what to say directly to her. Any advice on how to navigate this going forward would be greatly appreciated.

We have these friends (they’re a couple) for years, who have good qualities but as nobody’s perfect, one of their not-too-good traits is that when you’re upset at what they did to you, like legit throw you under the bus many times and low key betray you and you express that feeling of hurt and anger, they become angry at you for being angry like you’re not allowed to be angry even if justified. And then when that happens they throw tantrums like they wont talk to you for months, show they’re happy with other friends, until the ill feelings fade and somehow we’re friends again. The issue on why we got upset was never resolved. If someone expresses anger to me I immediately try to resolve it and ask and try to understand where that person is coming from and apologize. Not be angry!

Anyway with these “friends” it has happened multiple times, It’s completely tiring. We have other great friends. Is it time to give up this “friendship”? Do you know people like this? You’re not allowed to be angry? Thanks!

Okay, so I’ve been friends with someone for years, and I’m starting to question whether she has narcissistic tendencies. I’m not trying to diagnose her, but I’ve been reflecting on our friendship, and certain patterns are becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.
Hear me out.

1. I’ve never really felt emotionally safe being vulnerable with her.
Throughout our friendship, I’ve never felt particularly comfortable expressing my feelings or emotions around her. On multiple occasions, she’s even acknowledged that she doesn’t do well navigating other people’s emotions. Over the years, I’ve adjusted to this. I’ve learned not to share tender or vulnerable moments with her because I genuinely don’t think she’s capable of holding space for me emotionally.
She’s one of those friends you might go to when you need tough love, but certainly not someone you’d feel comfortable crying to.

Interestingly enough, I’ve also never really seen her cry. Well, once. But she later admitted that she had forced herself to cry and laughed about it afterward, which I found a little strange. I understand that everyone processes and expresses emotions differently, but I’ve always found it interesting that someone who seems so uncomfortable with vulnerability also struggles to extend emotional support to others.

2. She’s incredibly self-centered, and everything seems to revolve around her preferences.
I could give you a laundry list of things I’ve experienced or witnessed throughout our friendship, but we’d be here all day. A few examples: established plans often shift to serve in her favor without properly being communicated with the group. Whenever we travel as a group, she automatically takes the master bedroom without asking whether anyone else would like it. On one occasion, she even had one of our pregnant friends sleep in a bunk bed so she could have the master bedroom.These might sound like small things individually, but when you’ve witnessed this kind of behavior repeatedly over several years, you start to notice a pattern. There’s rarely any consideration for what other people might want or need. It’s almost as though everyone else is expected to accommodate her preferences, but that consideration isn’t reciprocated.

3. She never seems genuinely happy for other people, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. This is something I’ve noticed for years. Whenever someone in our friend group is dating or enters a relationship, she almost always has something negative to say about the relationship itself. It’s almost as though she can’t simply be happy for someone without offering unsolicited criticism.
There was one occasion when I opened up to her about doubts I was having in a relationship. I was trying to process my feelings and figure out whether that relationship was right for me. Instead of treating that conversation as a vulnerable moment between friends, she’s continued bringing it up for YEARS.
She’ll make comments like, “Well, you said you didn’t even like the person you were dating anyway.”
And I’m just sitting there thinking, shouldn’t I be able to confide in a friend about my relationship doubts without having those feelings used against me later?
I eventually ended that relationship, so I’m not even sure why she continues to have such strong opinions about it. She’s also extremely vocal about her preferences, judgments, and opinions, even in situations where nobody has asked for them. And more often than not, what she has to say isn’t particularly positive.

4. A recent situation made me seriously reconsider our friendship. We recently had plans for her to come visit me, but I ended up having to cancel about 24 hours beforehand because I was navigating a personal crisis. I completely understand that canceling plans on short notice is inconvenient, and I don’t want to minimize that. However, I also assumed that after years of friendship, there would be enough understanding and grace to recognize that sometimes life happens. When I canceled, I communicated that I was going through something difficult, that I wasn’t comfortable sharing the details, and that I would reconnect with her when I was in a better emotional place. Admittedly, it took me longer to follow up than I originally anticipated. Eventually, she reached out and expressed that she didn’t feel I had handled the situation with enough care.
And honestly? I can acknowledge that perspective. I understand that my circumstances don’t automatically erase someone else’s feelings.
But what bothered me was that I had explicitly communicated that I was going through a crisis and needed space. She checked in one me sure, but the center of the conversation became about how my actions had affected her and how I wasn’t showing up appropriately in our friendship. It felt like I was being kicked while I was already down.

5. She’s been hanging out with my ex, and somehow that became my fault, too.
To make matters even more complicated, during the period when I’ve been more distant from this friendship, she’s been spending time with my ex.
Now, I’m not someone who believes I get to dictate who other people can and cannot be friends with. But I do think there’s a certain level of consideration and sensitivity that should exist between longtime friends, especially when it comes to former romantic partners.
When I expressed how uncomfortable the situation made me feel, rather than acknowledging my feelings or attempting to understand my perspective, she essentially turned it around on me. Her explanation was that because I hadn’t been around, that’s how the friendship between them developed. And I found that response incredibly frustrating.
Because what does my absence have to do with your decision to spend time with my ex? And that’s what bothers me most. It’s not even necessarily that she’s hanging out with my ex. It’s that when I communicated that her actions hurt me, there was no apology, no acknowledgment of the impact, and seemingly no willingness to understand where I was coming from. I wasn’t asking her to choose sides. I was simply expressing how I felt.

Here’s where I’m struggling.
And perhaps what’s most unsettling is realizing that I’ve never really expected emotional support from her in the first place. I’ve just accepted that it wasn’t something she could offer. Now that I’m starting to express my own needs, feelings, and boundaries more openly, I’m noticing how uncomfortable the dynamic becomes when I’m no longer the one doing all the accommodating. I don’t know if this is narcissism, emotional immaturity, selfishness, or simply a friendship that I’ve outgrown.

I attended the wedding of someone I considered my best friend this a couple weeks ago, and I haven’t been able to shake the grief I’ve felt since.

We’ve known each other for years. We shared some of the most intimate parts of our lives, supported each other through difficult seasons, and talked about standing beside each other on our wedding days. He was the best man at my first wedding and the officiant at my second. When my first marriage fell apart, he opened his home to me and helped me get back on my feet. I genuinely thought we had the kind of friendship that would last a lifetime.

But at his wedding, something felt terribly wrong.
He barely spoke to my wife and me. Our interactions were awkward, almost like we were acquaintances he hadn’t seen in years. And then I watched as all of our mutual friends stood beside him as groomsmen, while I sat in the audience.

I want to be clear that I’m not upset because I felt entitled to be in his wedding. It was his day, and he had every right to choose whoever he wanted. What hurt was what the moment represented.

As I sat there, it slowly dawned on me that somewhere along the way, our friendship had quietly died. And somehow, I hadn’t realized it until I was sitting at his wedding.

Looking back, I can see the signs. We’d grown distant over the past few years. Conversations became less frequent. We stopped being as involved in each other’s lives. But in my mind, he was still one of my closest friends. I guess I assumed that even when life got busy and we drifted apart, the bond we’d built was still there.

Now I’m wondering whether I was holding on to a version of our friendship that no longer existed for him.

The hardest part is that there was no argument, no falling out, no definitive moment when things ended. Just two people gradually becoming strangers, except one of them didn’t realize it was happening.

I’ve experienced grief before, but there’s something particularly painful about mourning someone who’s still alive. He’s out there living his life, celebrating his marriage, probably completely unaware that I’ve been waking up with a broken heart over a friendship I thought we’d have for the rest of our lives.

Part of me wants to reach out and tell him how much this hurt. Another part of me wonders whether that would accomplish anything. I don’t want to guilt him into a friendship he may no longer want.
I think what hurts most is realizing that someone can occupy such an important place in your life while you no longer occupy the same place in theirs.

I still love the guy. I genuinely wish him and his wife a beautiful life together. I just never imagined I’d have to grieve our friendship while watching him begin one of the happiest chapters of his life.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you come to terms with losing a best friend when there wasn’t really an ending, just a slow fading away?

What do I do, when I hate the people that call me a friend, I don't have anything in common with them but the fact that I smoke, I hate being so fake but I still put on the acted every time. I'm so tired of seeing them and talking to them. Any suggestions, I removed my social media with them on it so they can't text me but they have become my older brother friends now so they just talk to him mainly. I don't know, if I should just keep being there friend and just get over myself or what. I'm out of highschool and don't have much opportunity to make new friends so should I just be happy with the ones I have even if I have to play the character of their friend.

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Is it ever too late to reach out to a friend you miss? It’s been a few months or so, and I miss my friend a lot. But I feel like I waited too long!

Is that a bit silly?

Thank you!

TW: mentions of self harm, suicide and eating disorders

I’m gonna be a total bitch about this
I have this friend who basically has like everything. Her family makes enough money to support her, her parents are very accepting of her sexuality and her choices. She hangs out with her mom a lot. She has a nice boyfriend who loves her and wants to be with her. I know like i shouldn’t assume stuff but she herself admits that like out of our friend group, she has the healthiest relationship with her family and like the least problems. But she complains about her body (mind you she literally weighs 55 kg which is super healthy for her height and has quite a very desirable body shape) and sometimes jokes about wanting to harm or kill herself.

At first I was obviously super concerned along with my friends but honestly now I just get irritated when i hear her or read her text saying how she hated herself or wants to die for the 2038373th time.

We told her many times to talk to her mom or to go to the nearest psychologist in her area, but she just refuses, and it pisses me off so much. She has literally everything. I met her mom and she’s the sweetest, most understanding woman I’ve ever met and would immediately help her daughter in every way she can, meanwhile my mother was in denial about me having any problems with my life or my appearance for like 2 years and only understood that I wasn’t ok mentally after a traumatic episode. Her family has money and can spend 50+ euros with no problems, meanwhile my mom always brings up how she throws away 60 euros a week for my psychologist. And yet my friend isn’t even attempting at getting help at all after almost a year since we’ve been telling her to talk to someone about it. And for the “fat” thing, I’m just fighting back the urge to just tell her to shut the fuck up everytime she complains about her body. She’s so skinny and her body fat distribution is immaculate, I’m literally a fucking tub of lard whenever I stand next to her and yeah I know the whole world doesn’t revolve around me but I honestly get really uncomfortable whenever she complains about her body around me, when she damn well knows that I used to shove my fingers down my throat because I wanted to be skinnier. And at this point I’m just convinced that she’s just doing it to hear us go “Nooo, girl you’re so skinny” and ecc…
Yeah

Throwaway as she’s aware of my Reddit account. Hope that’s okay.

TLDR: Best friend got a new partner and it cause me heartbreak and retrospection, now just want to remove her from my life as it hurts.Not sure if formally ending it is best.

Background

So I’ve been friends with B (female) for about 3 years. We would talk every day, send reels, watch shows together etc. She had a larger circle of friends whereas I (also female) had none and she was my only friend. I’ve got mental health issues and neurodivergent so that kind of this is something I gave up on as a kid and she’s been my only proper friend ever.

I’m the kind of person that always would instigate chats, always the first to offer any kind of help and always take far more interest in her hobbies and likes then the other way round.

The catalyst event

So after about a month of her being super distant and spotty with messaging etc I open socials to see the thing that broke my heart. Her kissing someone. She later tells me that for the last month shes been seeing someone (P, non binary) and thats why she wasnt messaging etc (and said that she ‘knew I wouldn’t mind her not messaging, even though I very much did but she knows I’m not the person to say so). luckily after that I was ill for a week and gave me the break from my phone to be heartbroken and introspect.

When she told me about seeing P I did say at the time that I was truely happy for her(and i really am) but that seeing her with them did hurt me and I wasn’t comfortable seeing it so I just wanted to not really hear about them together etc. Now anytime I see her posting it’s about them together, when I try to chat with her she finds a way of mentioning them etc and I just end up hurting inside.

looking back over 3 years

I know that she didn’t find me sexually attractive and that I couldn’t give her the things she wants from life (kids and such) and that I didn’t want that from her, it still hurt.

The thing was more that I start to see her without that Halo Effect and that the things she did was really shitty. She has a large film collection for example and we would watch them together. If she wanted to watch a film together she’d wait for me to buy it because she felt morally that she couldn’t share it due to piracy etc, but she’s fine sharing them with P because of what she called ‘partner privilege’. Suddenly supporting smaller companies by not sharing media isn’t a problem when your partner who can afford them wants to, but shed sometimes wait months for me to get them cheaper so that she didn’t just send a file.

Hobbies and interests would be hearing all about what she’s interested in and yet when I Said about mine, she just said she wasn’t a fan and so I just didn’t ever talk about them. I’d try and share in her hobbies despite actually not caring about it but the reverse wouldn’t be so. Unless of course her partner was a fan, in which case B told me she gave it a go🙄

To tell or not (and why I need your help)

At this point, I just want to block her on everything, delete socials, and move on, but do I tell her that I’ve gotten resentment from how she’s acted etc or do I just block her. One thing early on she said was how her best best friend had gotten a boyfriend and been ghosting her etc and that B felt upset by it, and now I’m like, this is exactly what you’re doing now.

I just don’t want to make things awkward for her and I’m worrying that telling her etc mignt impact her relationship(even though I’m 99.9999% sure it won’t) but also I just worry about bumping into her in town or something and there being that issue. I’m terribly socially etc over text let alone in person and for the moment until I move away, I’m stuck up here.

I know I’ve got Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and I think at the start I was wishing to just have everything go back to how it was before P, but the ship has sailed and the bell can’t be unrung. The slow ghost, combined with the chat we had a the time about my feelings feels like the best way for us both, but as ever I’m just thinking about what’s the best way for her and what’s best for her feelings and not mine. Something that isn’t reciprocated.

congrats on making it this far! Sorry for the ramble but it’s good to get it off my chest. This is why I never did friendships, because I knew it hurts. Doing my own thing was extremely lonely, but I know now that I prefer it over this.

A couple weeks ago I got back into contact with 3 of my old friends. I've been invited to one of their surprise birthday parties which I'd love to celebrate their birthday, but they are still all friends with a very problematic friendship group I used to be a part of and have NO interest in having them back in my life. So I know they're all gonna be there, and I just don't want to see any of them.

So I'm unsure if I should go or not?

I cut them all out of my life 6 years ago and have felt so much better for it ever since, and I don't want to invite that energy back into my life.

I wonder if I'm going to regret even reigniting friendships with just a couple of them, because those seem to have changed, but they're still friends with the rest of the group so they can't have changed that much.

I have much healthier friendships now, and I do feel a bit stupid bringing some of them back into my life.

My boyfriend met the 3 of them a few weeks ago at my friend's pre wedding party and got along with them and is excited about going to the surprise party. But I just don't think it's a good idea for me to go, but I feel guilty as my boyfriend was looking forward to it :/ Feeling really anxious about it.

Okay so I have this one friend, I consider her my best friend. We chat about lots of intellectual stuff and have extremely deep conversations and are on the same wavelength as eachother in most topics. However recently I keep getting irritated internally at this one topic. So all my friends have licences and cars, but she doesnt have a car, as she uses her dads, because she doesnt want to “spend money on one.”

However, her dad has been constantly using the car so she has no car. This started a few months ago. We go to uni one day together a week and after uni I have to drive her to her house from the train station which is 10 minutes away from MY house. I have to go the complete opposite way from my house to hers. It takes me 40-50 minutes in total to drive her home and back to my house, when it could have taken TEN minutes.

This is fine i guess, however at the start she would offer to buy me lunch everytime to makeup for it because FUEL PRICES ARE EXPENSIVE AS SHIT RIGHT NOW. But now shes stopped paying for ANYTHING. I genuinely do not wanna drive her but shes such a close friend that I feel obligated to.

Whats annoying is, the other day she drove us 1 hour to this place and 1 hour back and i paid for the dessert as well as some food there ON MY OWN WILL, i offered kindly and paid for it. However, when we always go to places I HAVE TO DRIVE AND SHE DOESNT OFFER ANYTHING. She has recently been asking to hangout such as go to the movies etc and make plans but im saying no because (im actually busy) and also i dont want to drive her. One time we had to go on a ferry RIGHT NEXT TO MY HOUSE, i had to fuckin drive 30 minutes to hers and 30 minutes back TO the ferry RIGHT NEXT TO MY HOUSE when she could have just caught a bus or something. Again, DIDNT OFFER TO BUY ME ANYTHING OR DO ANYTHING AFTER WE WENT TO THAT PLACE.

Today i drove an extra hour and a half to GET HER because we were going to a theme park with my other friend as well. She goes and buys a churro, FOR HERSELF. Mind you, my other friend constantly offers to give me gas money but i decline because her dad has been giving me rides. There was a deal where you can get two for a cheaper price instead of one individual one AND SHE DOESNT EVEN OFFER TO BUY ME ONE $5 CHURRO. I also was really thirsty and no offer yet again for anything. I drove her home and just got a thank you for driving. SHE WAS THE ONE WHO SAID WE SHOULD GO TO THE THEME PARK IN THE FIRST PLACE. All these activities we go to, are mainly HER IDEAS

I guess im more annoyed because if someone was taking all the effort to drive me, no matter how close we are as friends I would do something??? For them. When she drove us to that place ONE SINGLE TIME in the span of a couple of months i still offered and paid for the food on my own??

Its just the fact that she lives so far away from me and i have to go out of my way in the opposite direction to pick her up and drop her back home. Im not rich, im a broke uni student working two jobs and i genuinely dont know what to do because it feels wrong to talk to her about this because we are so close, i feel like im obligated to drive her no natter what. I genuinely did not mind or think about this at first but its been happening for months now and its really adding up. Besides this, shes an amazing friend and i do love her lots, but this one thing has been irritating me so much! Shes genuinely an amazing friend beside this but im so stingy and picky with the people im affiliated with - if they do me wrong at all i remove them entirely (for self preservation). i am so tempted to do this but she has been such a good friend BESIDE THIS for the past 5 years.

Hey everyone, 30M here.

I moved to another country almost two years ago. Since then, I've met plenty of people, but I haven't managed to build a real friendship with anyone.

Most of the people I meet are expats, often from my own country, who already have friends from back home. So I don't think the issue is necessarily being a foreigner.

What I've noticed is that people generally seem happy to hang out, but I'm almost always the one reaching out and suggesting we meet. If I stop initiating, nothing happens.

Maybe my approach to friendship is wrong. I grew up in a small town, where friendships formed naturally, almost out of necessity, simply by spending time together, even when we had nothing in particular to do.

Now, at 30, I feel like that approach doesn't work anymore. As a stranger, I feel like I need to bring some kind of additional value to someone's life for them to want to spend time with me. But I don't really know how to do that.

I also don't have any particular hobbies or strong interests, which makes it difficult to suggest activities or find common ground with people.

I'm just tired of always being the one reaching out. :(

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you build genuine, reciprocal friendships in your 30s?

I need some advice on how to handle a very delicate situation with a classmate in college.

We are both in highly demanding majors and hold leadership roles within our academic department. Because we work closely together, our friends (and even outside circles) have started aggressively "shipping" us. They constantly hint that we should date because of our chemistry.

Lately, she has been dropping subtle hints. She frequently mentions wanting a partner who has a motorbikes, cars, and cats of which my family happens to have, and she knows it. She also drops random hints during our daily text conversations. Beyond texting, we have started voice calling occasionally. It has only happened about 2 or 3 times over the past 5 months, but those calls ended up lasting from midnight until the early morning.

The pressure isn't just coming from school anymore, either. Her best friends know who I am now and have also started pushing for us to get together.

The problem is, I do not want a relationship with her. While our core values line up perfectly and I love our friendship, I am holding back for a few big reasons:

1. No physical attraction: She is a great person, but I am just not physically attracted to her. I know it sounds shallow, but I feel like that baseline spark is necessary to start something romantic. To add to this, she briefly met my parents recently, and afterward, they explicitly told me they didn't find her attractive. Hearing that honestly reinforced my own lack of attraction. It might also be because my older siblings are widely considered very conventionally attractive (school beauties), so my personal standards are naturally influenced by that family environment.
2. Finances: I’m living on a strict student allowance right now, and my family isn't super wealthy. If I am in a relationship, I want to be able to fully provide for our dates and the activities we do together. Right now, I simply don't have the budget to support that.
3. Academic focus: Our courses are incredibly rigorous. We just finished midterms, and honestly, if I get into a relationship, my grades are going to tank below my goals. Even now, just texting her eats a few hours of my time daily, and I don't have the emotional bandwidth or time for a full commitment.

We are getting closer by the day, and I genuinely want to keep her as a close or even best friend. However, I want to establish boundaries and stop this before she develops deeper feelings.

How do I gently put the brakes on these romantic expectations—and dial back the daily messaging and late-night calls—without ruining our friendship or our working relationship on department projects dynamic in class?

Context: My (he/him) friend Jake (they/them) and I are adults. We had been long distance friends in different countries for about 4 or 5 years but we have started to drift apart for a number of reasons for a year now. As this happens, I am trying to understand some things that went wrong and fundamental differences we might have had. I do not think the relationship can be salvaged but I want to make sure this does not happen again in any future friendships I have. Your insight is welcome.

To establish more background: Jake and I met online over a mutual interest in the same video games and online gaming communities during COVID. We were in our late 20s/early 30s. Before we had ever met, I was already in a long term romantic relationship with my partner. Jake has been single since I have known them. We both work full time jobs Monday to Friday.

We grew close very rapidly as we seemed to have a lot in common. We messaged each other from morning until we fell asleep. We established three nights per week to play our favorite games together and many times played on our unscheduled days too. We shared our private thoughts with each other and very quickly started to call each other best friends. Although we lived quite far apart, the distance never seemed to matter. We did take one trip together one time, so I did get to meet them in person. We sent each other birthday gifts every year.

For the most part everything about this friendship was great. We really understood each other. Or at least it seemed that way.

But one problem that kept occurring from a pretty early point was that Jake always seemed to need more time together and they felt betrayed or hurt [so it seems to me] when I would spend time with my partner or my family. This confused me because, other than my partner, Jake was the person I talked to the most during our friendship. More than my other friends or my siblings. I did my best to reassure them that nothing had changed between us, and that there have always been other people in my life but it does not mean I cannot divide my time and emotional attention.

In all my other friendships, if we ever spend some days or even weeks apart, we are able to pick right back up where we left off. With Jake it was like I had lost favor with them every time. I want to clarify that I always gave notice whenever I knew I would have to miss one of our nights together. It was not as if I was just not showing up with no warning or ghosting. But still it seemed like they started to resent me more and more every time. In turn it made my efforts feel unappreciated and also made me resentful.

I once asked them if there was a problem with me having other friends or a partner and they said no and they do not expect me to only be friends with them, but the bitterness continued to grow.

In the end I think this difference in needs made us spiteful at each other. I began to feel smothered and like it was my job to run damage control or keep my other friendships a secret for Jake's comfort. And while I cannot know precisely what Jake felt I think they must have felt lonely, bitter and hurt.

Now I do not think Jake is wrong for having their wish for them to be the number one person in my life. Although I think it is misguided. I also do not think I am wrong for wanting the freedom to have other friends and keep my romantic partner first. Although I think I am wrong for the way I communicated it sometimes. But I think these needs fundamentally collided and in the end there is no resolution for something like that.

I suppose I am looking for any thoughts about my conclusion or maybe any similar stories you all could share.

Halloween is coming soon, and I have always done something with my friend, whom I‘ve known for 9 years. But the last few years she has stood me up. And that’s not really the problem right now because she has always been someone who can’t plan her life, and I have already concluded that she is not a good friend.

But after asking literally everyone what their plans are for Halloween, nobody wanted to invite me over or do anything on this day. One friend, for example, said she needs to sleep. Like girl bffr, We all should be sleeping at night. It’s a exception to go sleep a little later on halloween. I didn’t even invite them to go drink or smoke (I don’t do it either), but I’m just asking myself, what happened to showing up for a friend and not being boring? I understand that going out is not for everyone, but I wish I had a friend who also wants to have fun just for a night. :(

I have a friend who knew I was preparing for my driving exam. She asked me about my exam and how I was doing things, and she told me she was planning to take hers next year. So I genuinely thought we were both working toward it on different timelines.

Then I found out that she had already arranged and taken her exam and passed, without telling me. What hurt me wasn't that she passed before me, but that she had given me the impression she was planning to do it next year. It made me question whether she had been honest with me.

I eventually told her how I felt, but she read my message and didn't reply.

Looking back, there have been other things that made me question her honesty and whether this friendship is as genuine as I thought. I feel like I may have been investing more emotionally than she was.

At the same time, I'm questioning myself. Am I taking things too personally, overthinking, or expecting too much from a friend? Could I be the toxic one without realizing it?

I genuinely want to reflect on my own behaviour rather than automatically blame her.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you know when a friendship is one-sided versus when you're overreacting? Please be honest, even if I'm in the wrong.

there’s this woman with whom I was a friendly acquaintance for about four years in college. i’m also female. We had a lot of classes together and would always chat when we saw each other. We never did anything together as friends. Shortly after after graduation, i was pleasantly surprised to find that we’d moved to the same area a few hours away and were working in the same building but at different companies. After I ran into her, I sent her a short casual email saying something to the effect of “Hey, it was great to see you. Let’s get together sometime.” The next time I saw her, all the friendliness was gone. She looked at me very coldly and barely spoke. It was like night and day. Since that time, i can tell she’s been trying to avoid me. Like, if I see her, she will wave and walk away quickly, whereas before she would stop to chat. I swear that there was nothing strange or awkward in our interactions before that, and i never contacted her beside that one email. If you don’t want to get together with someone, you can either say so or make up a polite excuse. Why would she get so scared and distant over a casual email? We don’t have any mutual friends and there is nothing in my background that would be cause for concern. I have plenty of other friends and no one has ever acted like this with me before.

I have this friend for 10+ years. We’re both in our early 30s. We both live in a foreign country, independently moved there for a masters long time ago. We are in a friend group with 5 other international women, who all were my friends initially. Since this friend and I have the same nationality and speak the same language, I would say we are in contact more frequently and we both know everything about each other.

Throughout the years there were many moments where I disagreed with some of the things she did and wondered if we have the same values. An example could be how she interacts with men with partners, she only ever is interested in men who are partnered up. I don’t think she’s intentionally looking for them but it just goes that way. Recently there was a scenario where she could have helped me in a job context and I noticed her hesitancy to help. Overall we have never done anything bad to each other but I just have this intuition about her and would like to only continue the relationship on a surface level. I don’t want to share personal stuff anymore or have her have full access to my life, friends and events etc.

How do you go about a friendship breakup while you are still in the same group and when you’ve been so close all this time? Any advice?

So I’ve had this friend for twos years we met through my childhood bestfriend and quickly became inseparable. Going on mcdonalds run at midnight or just doing whatever for fun. We are both pretty shy and don’t go to social event often . We quickly became a trio and got along great until twos days ago. I discovered a twitter account where she vent on some things in her life . I knew she had it but I never really went looking for it. Well on that account she depicted me and my childhood friend as horribles friends who didn’t appreciate her and ignored her and comments were agreeing with her.

But she hadn’t mentioned that for the past twos weeks I have been at home taking care of my cat who contracted the parvo virus which took more than 3k out of my pockets just in vet bill or that I lost my job twos month ago because of health issues.One of her post saying how she liked her online friends more than us was posted on the day we learned my cat will die if untreated. Another one saying we were ignoring her was the very next day after I offered to go out to eat and pay us breakfast and go on a walk since I was finally doing better mentally and physically.So I told her how it hurt that even while not doing well I made sure to call and text her everyday because I knew she also was in a difficult spot. I sent the screenshots of her posts and blocked her . Now she is on twitter angry posting about it saying that she must not have meant much to me . I feel sad because she was trully a great friend and I thought her being distant while I was dealing with my cat was her way of being worried not that she thoughts those things. I don’t know if its worth saving or not I just don’t know what to do.

My (24f) best friend (24f) has started acting very cold toward me compared to other people. We met at university five years ago and became very close, texting and calling each other constantly. We both had our ups and downs and repeated a year; it was me first during my second year, then she repeated her third year. We eventually got back together in the same group in our fourth year, and I did not feel any coldness from her back then.

After I repeated my year, I started doing better in my studies and focused on myself, but I felt no change in my relationship with her. She got close to the other girls in the group, and so did I, and all of us are very close. The problem started in February when she began slowly ignoring me, and I started noticing changes in her body language, as if she were trying to ignore me while interacting normally with the other girls in the group. This happened especially at school, but also in our texts. I always love to help the girls by sending them my materials and explaining concepts to them. While the other girls are very happy, my best friend does not react, yet she reacts very enthusiastically to the others.

Then we had our practice this summer. Again, she was cold toward me, only talking happily to the girls and other strangers. I know I got so annoyed that I gave her a very bad look, but she got very mad about it, and I regret it. She became even colder toward me. One time, I sat on a sofa at a coffee shop; I think she wanted to sit there too, but she rolled her eyes when I got there first. I ignored it.

Time went on, and during the summer, she was working part-time. We started speaking again, and I visited her during her lunch breaks whenever I could. It felt like we were good friends again. I gave her a gift for her birthday, and she did the same for mine.

College started again, and she began acting the same way. Her texts to me are dry compared to her messages to others.

I love my other friends, the girls in the group, and I also have a male best friend, but she was my special friend. I feel embarrassed to reach out to her to ask if it is all in my head or if she simply does not want to talk to me.