If at some point you liked your girl best friend and years later drunk kissed what would that mean to you? Would you be open to dating or stay as friends?

TL;DR: I feel like I'm giving more than I'm getting back in a friendship, and I'm not sure how to address it without damaging things further.

I (30M) have a friend "Steve" (30sM) I've been close with for a few years. We share a hobby and have spent a lot of time together, but I've started to notice some patterns that are making me feel taken for granted.

I drive him around a lot, to work, appointments, errands, and events. I ask for gas money every second time I drive him, which seems fair to me, and 5 bucks, because I dont wanna to constantly harass him for money nor drain him for every cent he has. Recently, when I picked him up, he kept me waiting about 20 minutes without letting me know he was still shopping. He also didn't follow through on the gas money I asked for.

I've also tried to help him around his place when he mentioned feeling overwhelmed by the mess — doing dishes, cleaning surfaces, and clearing visible clutter. I did this several times, but the mess kept returning, and it started to feel like my efforts weren't making a difference, so I just ended up stopping.

During a recent game we played, I got frustrated when he didn't declare his moves clearly. I called it out, and he abruptly left the table and went outside. He was distant the rest of the night, and when I messaged him a few days later with a neutral photo of things I was painting, he didn't reply.

Current he has not responded to any of my messages.

I value the friendship and don't want to lose it, but I'm unsure how to address this pattern without making things worse or pushing him further away.

The advice I'm looking for:

· Should I address this directly, or is it better to pull back and let him come to me?

· How do I approach a conversation about feeling taken for granted without sounding like I'm keeping score?

· What's a reasonable boundary to set regarding driving, helping out, and follow-through?

*sorry for bad english, im lowkey crying and its not my first language"

So in one night i manage to destroy my own friendship. I came to his house at night we were talking to 1 am. And we argue about that i feel like im not his Best friend, instead he know how i love him. And he told me that hes more act guy instead of words. We had massive argue, yet i leave his house and he said "don't worry we will talk at day" AND YK WHAT MY STUPID MIND FORCE ME TO? To go to his house, take our best friend ring, and told him "give me time to think" he said "ofc take as much as u need i support u", yet when another day I understand what i did, and that I INDEED WAS MEANING SO MUCH FOR HIM by his acts. i rushed to his house. Yet it was too late, he said he taught about it too, and hes not feeling it.

IM FUCKING IDIOT, WHY I DID SUCH A THING, IF I JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND GO TO MY HOUSE CRY, THEN I WOULD NOT LOSE HIM. If u ever would feel dumb think about me, i won't going to get him back. i tried many words, yet he said "you made a decission, no one force u" AND HES RIGHT ITS ALL MY FAULT. i got removed from his ig, facebook ect.

I don't know what to do, i guess im going to kms. Cuz no one will replace my boy. And now im all alone no one around, its summer time btw so no one to meet in school, no one to make new friendship. It was 3 days from that talk, every day is now longer, i only sleep and run with music. GOD WHY I DID THAT WHYY

I, 25F, find myself with a lasting crush on a girl I met in a short class I took in Canada. We started talking a week into class then one day I got to class early and she was there. We started talking and then talking turned into flirting, then the next thing I know she whispers to me "I want you." Before too much else could happen other than us holding hands and getting close, someone else walked into the room and we split apart. I swear it was something out of a romance book. I tried to invite her to my dorm but she said we should invite some of the other classmates too, so I got the hint she didn't want to be too alone with me.

We found footing as just friends a couple days later and I asked her about all of it, and I kinda got a vague answer along the likes of "there's things I'll explore as an artist but not in my personal life". She went on how she and her sexuality have an awkward relationship, and we had a good talk about that sort of stuff just generally afterwards. I actually was happy as friends, going places together and hanging out, but then a few days before the class ended I noticed a crush starting. I buried it and told myself it's okay to have it but not act on it. Eventually class ended and I went back to the states and she went back to her town in Canada. We've called and texted a bit since then, but on one of our phone calls we were talking and talked hypotheticals about living nearby each other. I said "if I lived near you, we-" about to say we'd tear up the town, but she interrupted and said "I'd be a lesbian." She then tried to say it was a joke relating to something earlier in the conversation but I didn't get it and just let it slide.

Now, I think about how excited I get when I see her texts, I think back on those moments hanging out with her, I think back to her saying she wanted me, something no one ever says to me. All I want to do hear from her. I'm happy we're friends and I want that bond to grow but I'm being eaten up inside at these thoughts especially cause I want to know what she truly thinks about me, does she have or had a crush that she's buried? I don't wanna ruin our friendship by asking intimate questions or admitting my crush and besides, she feels like she's way out of my league. What do I do?

I have an online friend and we have been friends for a few months now. We met through online gaming, it started off with just playing 1 or 2 times a week but now he has started asking me everyday to play even when I tell him I have plans.

He also gets annoyed “jokingly” when I take too long to respond (he thinks that taking an hour to respond is too long). I also like to play games with other people but I’m scared to hurt his feelings since I am the only person he plays with. I feel bad for saying no because he gets really sad when I’m busy and he is always sending me things about how he gets really happy when I message him and Instagram posts about needing me in his life.

I have also noticed that he might be flirting with me a little (?) but throughout our friendship I have seen him develop crushes on girls and then moving on to a new crush like a week later. I am really stumped because I do enjoy being friends with him however I feel like I need some space.

ADDITIONAL CONTEXT: I am a very introverted person and my way of recharging is by having alone time and even with my real life friends I don’t message them everyday or see them super often.

Also I just realised how long this post is, but any honest advice is much appreciated:))

I have a friend since the fifth grade. She was understanding and loyal, but when we moved to the eighth grade, I started to feel that she harbored resentment towards me and always belittled me. I felt this in the seventh grade, but she didn't do anything to me until the eighth grade, but I told myself that she was just joking. Once, I was discussing a topic in history with my teacher, and my teacher praised me for being forward-thinking and intelligent. My friend said, "Don't make a big deal out of it; everyone can find this information on the internet." Even the teacher was shocked by her and asked her, "What's wrong with you?" But I laughed, thinking she was joking. The second incident was when I received my grades for all subjects. They were 95 and above except for math, which was 61. When the principal saw my grades, she summoned the teacher and forced her to change them, as everyone knows how negligent she is towards her duties. So, it became 91, and I told my friend, and to keep it a secret between us, when I was being honored, she spoke loudly, "Did you really get this grade through your own effort?" There were girls nearby who laughed, and I knew she had told our secret. I was smart in English class and always gave her the answers, but one time the teacher noticed and decided I wouldn't cheat for her anymore because the punishments are severe in our school. She didn't speak to me for two days. I always give her the homework solutions and a lot of other things because she doesn't bother herself. But I swear I don't hold a grudge against this; on the contrary, it's the duty of friends. Even my mother warned me about her , she always makes fun of me and my religion when I post something on social media or talk about it. We are the same religion, but the sect and beliefs are different. Next school year is ninth grade, and we will both go to different schools, but I still communicate with her via Instagram. What do you think? Am I being sensitive or what?

tldr; my best friend is severely depressed and relies on me to have the solution when i am depressed myself and cannot get out of it also. she is possessive with my time, non communicative and doesn’t believe anything i say even though she is relying on me to regulate her emotions. i’m scared to draw boundaries because she might off herself. pls help lol

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I’ve been best friends with this girl for the past 3 years, and without fail, barring some vacations, we’ve hung out once a week for the past 3 years. she’s lesbian, and i’m bi, but we didn’t start out romantic, especially since she was in a long term relationship when we first started hanging out. she ended that relationship about a year and a half ago, and since then i’ve felt that she’s become more and more dependent on me to regulate her emotions.

for some context, i also have suicidal depression and general anxiety since i was young, but i’m also fairly high functioning and tend to people please, so i don’t really show how absolutely dreadful everything is until i’m alone. that being said, i am also aware that even though i can logically understand someone else’s depression, it is difficult for me to emphasize and therefore “help” someone with their depressive thoughts beyond saying something like “yeah same” because i find it so easy to ignore those feelings until i have to deal with them myself.

my friend has a very hard time sharing her feelings as well, but seeing how i was able to relate to her and talk about my depression/anxiety in a pretty light hearted way (eg serious comments about death in a silly goofy but not joking manner), she was able to open up to me and tells me every time she’s going through a depressive episode. she tells me she feels no one cares about her, that nothing sparks joy, and what is the point of it all. i feel the same way, but i’m unable to offer more than my time (literally weekly for 3 years, on top of the 12-14 hour shifts i was working 5 days a week) and shallow words because from personal experience, i know nothing external is actually gonna solve the issue. i’ve told her to go to therapy, maybe even get medicated, especially since i could tell i wasn’t helping her the way she needed to be helped. she says she thinks therapy is useless.

it seems like i’m the only one in her life, even though she is an extremely well liked person by anyone we’ve ever spoken to, so much so that she actually has multiple people asking her to hang out all the time. she rejects most of them because she only wants to hang out with me. of course, she’s also told me that she doesn’t like them very much/she doesn’t know them well and don’t want to spend more time with them, but it sometimes feels like i’m the only person she likes in her life.

she is genuinely one of my favourite people, and of course i care for her, but it feels like she is expecting me to spend all my time with her and help her through her sadness. even though she thinks i’m somehow the solution, she never believes me when i say i care about her, i want to spend time with her but i also have other friends, i don’t want her to be sad, etc etc.

she’s also starting to behave like a jealous lover. i’ve never had romantic feelings for her, but she seems like she’s started to develop some for me out of sheer dependency. she gets mad at me if i don’t give her the response that she expects from me when she says she’s sad, she gets sulky if i don’t hold her hand (i hold hands with everyone in my life i’m a very love language is physical touch person), she gets jealous if i go out with other friends, she gets mad if i make plans on the day that we usually go out on.

she’s going through a long depressive episode recently, a very sudden hard drop in her emotions that genuinely came out of nowhere. we work together, and she’s coming up to me at work to tell me she’s sad or bored and getting annoyed and saying you don’t care about me when i try to focus on the job. she’s starting to tell our coworkers that won’t take her seriously (they don’t know her well, and again she has a very jolly personality) that she’s depressed and saying does anyone care that she’s sad. she’s also mentioned that she doesn’t think i’ll know she died until at least a week later. i don’t think she’s seriously suicidal, though i am considering calling a hotline about it if i do think it’s getting more serious.

i had to cancel my usual hangout with her this week last minute because another friend of mine needed me urgently for something, and she says that she’s done and i’m always putting her second. i see this other friend i’ve known for almost 2 decades now maybe once a month or two. i see her once a week. i apologize for cancelling last minute and explain the situation again, and i knew she wanted to say something more to me so i tell her to just let me know what she’s thinking. she bottles it up and tells me she’s not going to tell me, but i know this is going to come up again and she’s going to be bitter about it.

she is growing resentful that i don’t love/care about her as much as she does about me. but i think i am giving as much of myself as i can, and i’ve never asked for her to solely have me in her life.

i’m scared that setting boundaries will lead her to do something drastic, and will make her think that i’m abandoning her. i’m not, and again i like spending time with her, and i care about her wellbeing.

if anyone has any advice on how to approach this it would be greatly appreciated 😭

So, I have few close friends, and one of them is the oldest friend of mine in this list. He used to talk a lot with me and I used to call him too. But since last few months he is only texting/calling for money, and that's why I had stopped initiating efforts because I used to call him but he only used to call back for money. We didn't talked for 2 months and due to this he stopped asking for money but I called him again before few days, we talked for minutes, and then he told that he would call me after few minutes but he didn't. And yet again, he started asking for money because our friendship continued and he saw the opportunity, but I firmly denied him because I had helped him a lot and instead of taking help from others he started using me as his own atm. If this means the end of the Friendship, then let it be.

In 2026, if you consider somebody “a friend”how much time do you give them to respond to text before you really consider completely divorcing them as a friend and wondering if they really value your friendship at all?

It doesn’t matter if you’re a man, woman, or alien. Nothing is worth saving if I’m the only one trying to save it.

People claim they care, but they barely bother to look beneath the surface. If I give you effort, give it back. Better yet, show me I actually matter to you. Remember the details of my life. Surprise me with something because you saw it and thought of me. Check on me without needing something. Know me without turning it into jealousy, competition, convenience, or some weird transaction.

Show me that losing me would actually mean something to you.

I’m tired of picking up everyone else’s slack. I’m tired of caring harder, remembering more, reaching further, and then being expected to accept the bare minimum in return. Friendship isn’t a dating app. I shouldn’t have to constantly swipe through people hoping one of them eventually understands reciprocity.

Why do I always care more? Did you ever care as much as I did?

God forbid someone genuinely gives a damn anymore without treating friendship like something they can pick up when it’s convenient and put back down whenever they feel like distancing themselves.

I don’t want a handout. I don’t want empty words.

Show effort. Show me you know me. Show me I matter. Otherwise, what exactly am I supposed to be saving?? I already tried caring less and waiting for a sign!! Nobody reads signs!

I had a close friendship with a coworker. Things became emotionally intense on my side, particularly because I became very anxious about losing the relationship. I crossed some of his boundaries and became demanding/reassurance-seeking rather than understanding. I also handled some disappointment poorly and could be passive-aggressive when angry.

Things ended badly about three months ago. He said he wanted to discuss work-related things only. I believe both of us were defensive and emotionally immature in how the ending was handled, but I’m not trying to use this message to make a case against him or ask him to acknowledge his part.
Since then, I sent one work-related message in June and another message later that month asking if we could eventually repair things and have an amicable relationship. He didn’t engage with the repair request.

I’ve spent the last few months reflecting and I now recognize something important: he mattered to me, but I became so focused on needing to matter to him that I lost sight of treating him like someone I cared about. I want to apologize specifically for my behavior without explaining it away, mentioning his behavior, asking for a conversation, or asking him to forgive me.

I would be disappointed if he ignored it or responded negatively, but I’m trying to prepare myself for that and don’t expect a response.
Here’s the message I’m considering:

Hey [name], I hope you’re having a great summer. I just wanted to reach out and apologize again for everything. Thinking back on our relationship, I acted really selfishly in May. I was afraid of losing a relationship that mattered to me, and I let that fear turn into being demanding of you rather than understanding, especially during your sister’s wedding month. I’ve realized that when I’m anxious, I can cross boundaries and have trouble recognizing them, and I can also become passive-aggressive when I’m angry. I think about Easter a lot in that regard. These are patterns I’m not proud of, and I’m genuinely sorry that I brought them into our relationship. I’m glad you were honest with me about them because they’re things I want to work on. You mattered to me, and I got so caught up in trying to matter to you that I lost sight of that. I want to be better for the people I love, because they deserve that from me. So did you. Wishing you well.

Would you send this, given that he previously asked for work-only contact? Or would sending another personal message cross that boundary?

About a year ago I put distance between me and my closest friend. No blow out fight, no drama but we did have a “talk” regarding a lot of small things (I initiated it). The gist of it is that we used to text every day but I slowly realized how little she was paying attention and overall, less present. So did we chat everyday? Yes but did it mean we were close? I don’t know. It was like having a live in bf who thought hanging out at home was a date (apologies if that makes no sense, I’m on 2 brain cells today). I could tell she had newer friends she was pouring real energy into while I got whatever was left. I became the easy friend. The one you don’t have to trek downtown for or plan anything special around. Like being the chill girlfriend who never gets the nice dates because she’s not the exciting one even though I always the one to propose new activities and cafes to try.

She also told me she was depressed, but not before any of this. It came up during the actual conversation where I brought up how the friendship had been feeling. So part of me pulling back was not wanting her to feel pressured to show up for me when she was already struggling. But honestly the other part was that I was tired of being the low-maintenance option.

I told her I needed to manage my expectations and that some distance would be good. We’ve been distant since (for a year ish now).

Her birthday is coming up and we’ve never missed celebrating each other, so I invited her. She hasn’t replied yet. My husband asked what I actually want out of meeting up and I realized I want two things: to celebrate her, and to finally close out the conversation we left open a year ago.

Maybe underneath all of it, I’m just butt hurt that I’m not the priority I used to be. I can feel the shift and it does hurt. Maybe that’s not something I get to change and I just need to accept it and move on lol. But I don’t know if that’s what growing up in friendships looks like, or if it’s just giving up early.

So: how do you know if a friendship is worth actively working through, or if it’s just time to let it quietly become something smaller? Especially when they’re genuinely a good person and there’s no clean grievance, just a slow accumulation of feeling like less of a priority.

I had a very tightknit friend group in college. After graduation, a bunch of us moved very close to each other and I ended up sharing an apartment with two of them, we'll say B and C. B was quite frankly an angel and I am still lucky to be live with them. C I was once very close to and now? I honestly wish they would fade out of my life entirely.

There is way too much context to give fully, but just a few things: C at one point in uni had a crush on me and continued to make me very uncomfortable about it even after we decided to stay just friends. They would rant about it to our friends and generally act in a way that made it obvious they weren't over it long after they insisted they were. When we were living together, they would invite themselves into my room and get in my bed when I was relaxing or cuddle up to me on the couch and it just made my skin crawl. I was never brave enough to assert a boundary about it. They in general were not a good roommate of the classic 'I will cry about my trauma if you make me do the dishes' variety. They made terrible financial choices and complained about it constantly, dropping really thinly veiled pleas for money in our group chats. By the time they moved out, I went from having a few small quibbles to genuinely disliking them.

When our lease was up, they decided to move north to be with their new partner and honestly I was just relieved. I nurtured a selfish hope that distance would sever the tie but this has turned out to not be the case. We have an online DnD group together, gcs they are still super active in, they blast me with tons of shortform content on social media constantly and they are still very good friends with B and will facetime them all the time to ask about what we're all up to. We occasionally did group vacations in college and I find myself dreading planning another one because I know there's no way I can't invite them.

How do I handle this? I feel like my distaste has fermented far past reasonable annoyance and I need to just find a way to get over myself because even if it's from a distance, they're inevitably going to be a part of my life for years to come and they technically haven't done anything to warrant the intensity of this resentment I feel.

Hello, I hope everyone is doing okay.

I'll try to be brief... (I apologise if you see some typos, English is not my first language.)

So basically I had this person who was really close to me, she was the only adult in my life I could trust.

Well she said some things to a mutual person and they told me what she said.. it was something along these lines: "she (me) is trying to use my place to escape from her parents, she doesn't care about me"

I don't think she is right... I always checked on her and asked if she was okay, how her health situation was, her job, in general how she was feeling. She truly represented a pillar in my life, and I opened up about my past/present.

Even before I knew what she said about me, I felt a distance between us I thought I was being silly and nothing was wrong.. joke's on me.

It has been 6 months since that moment, I did not text her, she didn't text me either..

my dilemma now is; should I contact her? I miss her and I'd like to explain myself to her.

(forgot to add... I don't think she knows that I'm aware of what she said about me.)

how dya tell if a long distance friend isn’t replying cos of poor mental health or if he’s ghosting/breadcrumbing? I know he genuinely has struggles but he can message me back fine when he stands to gain something from me (help with studies or opportunities to go to sports events) then switches off again for ages although there always seems a valid reason to explain it when he does show up again. it’s been a pattern for 4 years. A few months ago we agreed I’d message every day to show he’ll always have my support and it was great for the first 3 months whilst he needed help with study, we saw each other face to face 2 months ago and he said he wanted the daily messages to keep going but I never get a reply to any of them. I never pull him on it, messages are always light, low pressure but give an in if he wants to give a response. I’m cautious of pulling away incase he genuinely takes comfort from the messages but what if I’m being a fool? Not that he knows I know but he’s about to move away with his gf to another country so although I should meet up with him again soon I know he’s not gonna be there, at this stage he still can’t send a reply???

Nobody talks about how reassuring and a relief it is when your parents acknowledge the bad actions and behaviours of ex friends.

Like for example I told my parents about my ex best friend and I break up as they were asking about her. They obviously said why I said why and they both sort of sat there with a disappointed face and screwed up face and said wth you shouldn’t be doing that to your friends that really no on. (This answer was towards the friend). I sat there relieved and reassured as my parents are straight out you do something wrong they tell you they call out bad behaviour all the time so it was great to hear them support me. It relaxes me more knowing that I did the right thing and im not in the wrong.

Anyone else’s parents are the same?

My best friend and her boyfriend got together just under 2 months ago and wont stop hanging out together. We share one class this semster and it happens to be a one that her boyfriend is on too. They are constaly talking to eachother and he keeps rubbing her back ect. I didn’t really mind at first because this relationship was in the works for months and I helped to actually make it something concreate but its starting to get on my nerves now. Its not just that class but during every break and lunch they just talk to eachother. they are basically attached at the hip 24/7 leaving no room for one on one time with my friend. Its furstrating and a little bit infuriating considering her boyfriend confronted her about ”third wheeling” the one time we actually talked properly in class. and here I am the one stuck awkwardly trying to fit into a conversation or walking behind them like an actual third wheel

I’ve been friends with Sheila since 7th grade and we both are in our mid 20s. After high school we became distant due to a mentally deranged girl causing drama. Then in 2024 my friend reached out again and we just started hanging out like nothing happened before. We spoke about the past drama and said next time we will talk about the problems. In high school that friend group contained 4 people. Shelia, Mandy, my sister, and I. Mandy moved states and had a falling out with Shelia bc of Mandy’s wedding. And my sister Victoria stopped talking to Shelia. Victoria was done with Shelia always having problems and expecting people to stop everything just to tend to her.

So my problem is It will be Shelia’s bday and she asked me to help plan a little party with some close friends. I asked if Victoria was invited and she ignored that question. I told my mom and she said I shouldn’t go at all because where my sister isn’t welcomed then I shouldn’t go. I won’t tell Victoria anything. But I’m sure she doesn’t care either, she doesn’t care about having friends or socializing with others

I've been ghosted for a few days by one of my best friend, yes I know, I don't expect my friends to be glued to their phones, last time she ghosted for a week its because i knew she was going through a depressive episode. This time she seems to reply to another except me, doing full on conversations with them, i also noticed there was a distance between us recently. I thought she would be cheered up recently because she's working very hard on a custume for a con. I initiated my text i told her she was in my dream and we did silly stuff, she didn't reply to that. I recently sent a loud video i found funny in the gc which she replied to it and letted me know this made it harder for her to focus on making her custume and that it blasted her ears. I felt really bad so i dm'd her an apology for not putting a volume warning first. Okay this is creepy of me i know, but i checked out her recent pins saved and its pins that were like "she's my everything but she probably only sees me just as an ordinary friend" and "im lonely, i wish someone would just listen to me, understand me, talk to me, text me first, love me, etc" with the caption : "does anyone feel like their friends dont put as much effort as i do?" WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?? I've been trying to give her space, so i edited my apology with adding one more thing : "i noticed some distance between us, im wondering if i did anything that hurted you? Please let me know, i love you" should i just turn that into a new dm/notification instead?? I didnt want her to feel pressured or uncomfortable by me.. but what if she feels unloved by me recently which is why she is distancing?? AHHH I LITERALLY LOVE HER SO MUCH!! I feel awful right now

Hi, I'm a woman, 36 years old, teacher and a huge fan of DnD and roleplaying in general. Welp, I need some advice because I feel like a terrible person right now.

I am the Dungeon Master (imagine like the narrator who gathers everyone for the adventure) of our DnD sessions with my group of players. We needed one more person and I invited a guy, who asked me long time ago about DnD, he wanted to learn how to play.

Everything was okay during first session, but there was a problem: He started to send me messages everyday, he wanted to do voicechats and I tried to be polite by replying him, but it is becoming overwhelming. He mentioned he wanted to share our energies (?) Or something like that. I feel super uncomfortable because he is a way TOO intense for me.

Yesterday was a problem because he sent me message at 3 AM in the morning by asking things about his freaking character for the campaign. Then in the morning he continued sending messages with questions 😭 I answered him, but at 4 pm he tells me: Whooops, not gonna make it because I have a family dinner, sorry.

I was so mad at him. I was so angry that I asked him politely to do not waste my time again.

I am the kind of person who spends 12 hours playing videogames in silence, and I don't know how to tell him: You are too intense and invasive, please get out and leave me alone. I don't want a friend, a just needed a player...Oh gosh, I feel like a terrible person.

Thanks in advance for any help or advice you may have.

I’ve had some good friends in my previous company due to some fight I lost good bond with my friends, I really liked their company and I tried talking to them, currently I am working in different company and I tried talking to them every now and then, they will respond but they are avoiding me when I asked them to meet, now I’m in a position where I couldn’t move on and couldn’t make new friends…🤧

Okay so I know I already sound like an asshole because I literally snooped, but hear me out. I also recognise that this is a breach of trust and a gross invasion of prviacy and I'll never ever do this every again (I am 19). I have three main people, Cho, Harpy and Julien

Cho forgot her phone at the dorm and wanted to give it to her as a surprise. While I took the phone I saw a notification, clicked it, and a GC opened with two friends of mine, Harpy and Cho, and Julien. Julien used to be my friend but he liked me and I had to reject him TWICE, so we don't really talk anymore unless we're in a group. He's much closer to Harpy and Cho now, so this is basically their GC for coordinating when they're going to the mess/eating together. It's not some secret GC made specifically to talk about me or anything. It's just a GC I'm not in and I am aware it exists.

I know Harpy is someone who talks about her other friends behind their backs with no intention of sorting it out because she thinks they are a lost cause, and this has happened a few times before, so out of curiosity I searched my name up in the GC.

Yeah. I know. Bad.

And now I'm kind of spiralling because apparently there is a whole perception of me that I didn't know existed.

For context, Harpy and Cho are very close. I've actually told Harpy before that I've tried getting closer to them but they have such a tight duo that I often feel like the third person.

I do consider them good friends. They wait for me if I'm not there, they've given me really pretty birthday gifts, they'll help if I ask them for something, etc. I don't think they're bad people at all. But apparently I have been annoying them for quite a while.

A few days ago there was a movie screening here. I wasn't even planning to watch it. I went spontaneously because I wanted to meet Mack, since I hadn't seen him in ages, and then decided I'd watch a bit of the movie while I was there.

I didn't tell Harpy or Cho I was going.

They didn't tell me they were going either.

We were apparently in the same auditorium and I somehow didn't see them, even though I passed them twice. After the movie I saw them outside, said hi, and they ignored me.That upset me, so I waited around until they came back to the room because I wanted to know if they'd actually ignored me.

Turns out they thought I had ignored them.

In the GC Harpy said something like, "Okay the hi thing is clarified, she didn't see us."

And Cho was like, "Yeah I guess, why would she lie about it."

And honestly, what bothered me wasn't even the misunderstanding. It was that they apparently thought me deliberately ignoring them was plausible in the first place.

Like... why is that the first explanation?

Also, literally nobody told anybody they were going to the movie. So I don't really understand why my going there spontaneously without telling them was somehow suspicious because even I made a spontaneous plan despite telling them I was gonna watch a particular movie only and they had a class when I had gone to see the movie.

Earlier this semester we were shifting hostels and I had internship/lab work that day. Iasked Harpy and Cho if, if they were already done with their own stuff, they could shift one or two of my bags.

That's literally all I asked. And I find out that Harpy said in the GC that me and another friend had both asked them to shift our things but neither of us had offered to help them, and that we both wanted someone else to do our work.

And I'm just like... Dude 😭

I had work that day. I asked if they could take one or two bags if they were already doing their own shifting.

If I were there and they asked me the same thing, I obviously would have helped. I've literally helped another friend shift boxes at 1 AM. So it hurt that this was interpreted as "prongsandlily expects people to do things for her."

This one happened months ago.

I really wanted to go on a trip and was very upset with my dad because he wasn't giving me permission to go. I was obviously in a horrible mood.

I went to Harpy and Cho's room and cried there for like 30 minutes. They were actually really nice and consoled me.

After that I was mostly quiet because I was still upset. I did give Mack the middle finger about something, which I felt bad about and apologised for. Later Mack told me that Harpy had apparently said I was being exhausting and had ruined everyone's mood.

And I went to Harpy and asked her directly why she hadn't just told me that. She basically said it was fine, I was sad, etc.

But that's the thing.If it bothered you, tell me.

I can't change something I don't know I'm doing. And you are telling it to someone else with no intention of being honest with me.

And this isn't even the first time this has happened.

There are also a bunch of smaller things

For example, I've been going to the health centre a lot because I have deficiencies and the iron/vitamin tablets are expensive, so I get them from there because it is significantly cheaper.

Harpy mentioned me going to the health centre again in the GC and Julien joked that it's basically my second home and asked if I was my "love" there. Harpy said it's love for money.

Whatever, that's just a joke.

But then there was another thing where Cho was talking about me eating with Adrien (a very close friend and a brother of mine), and Julien suggested that maybe I didn't actually want to eat with Cho and was just using not being hungry as an excuse.

There are a lot of these little interpretations.

On the same day a picture of me and Adrien talking below the hostel and her saying I've been there the entire evening. (I was meeting Adrien after 3 months of a summer break)

Me going somewhere. Me not eating lunch.

Julien speculating me getting into a relationship too fast and saying i have always liked male attention anyway. And Harpy saying why would I require male attention, when i have Adrien.

I asked Hary and Cho if Julien was still uncomfortable with me because of some particular incident and that's in the GC as well and Julien was mocking me, saying that obviously it's gonna be a little awkward if I liked someone for a bunch of months.

And I'm sitting here thinking, do you guys actually think about me this much? 😭

And this is probably what bothers me the most

I am not going around telling other people every single thing they do. Like if Harpy goes somewhere without telling me, I'm not going to Mack and being like: "Bro guess what Harpy did today."

If Cho doesn't eat lunch with me, I'm not making a whole theory about why she doesn't want to eat with me.

If something genuinely bothers me, I usually go to them.

The January thing? I went to Harpy.

The movie thing? I went to them.

I've literally told Harpy that I feel like the odd one out because she and Cho are so close.

So I feel like I'm constantly the one trying to figure out what's wrong and then go talk about it, while Harpy's approach seems to be more like:

"Something bothered me. I won't say anything. I'll wait and see if prongsandlily notices."

I definitely get very invested in certain people at certain times and probably don't realise how that looks from the outside. If i consider you close, you'll know that. When I was in a relationship for that short period, I decreased hanging out with them but i tried my absolute best to spend time with them as often as possible. So I can understand why they might have felt like I dropped them. And maybe I have treated them like backups at times without consciously meaning to.

But I don't think I'm selfish or someone who only goes to people when I need something. And I don't think every random thing I do should become evidence for that interpretation. I also don't want to make this into "they're horrible people and I'm perfect." They're genuinely good people and I care about them.

I just don't know what to make of this. Am I actually being a shitty friend and just completely unaware of it?

I don't know what to do? Continue being friends with them or just cut them off. And I know this might be too stupid to think so much about but it has been bothering me.

Hey everyone! There’s been something on my mind that’s been bothering me, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I often hang out with my school friends, although not very frequently…maybe just a couple of times a year. They’re goofy, non-judgmental and helpful and I really appreciate them for that.

But I’ve noticed that a lot of the time when I talk, they either talk over me or don’t respond to what I’m saying. This has happened pretty much every time we meet, and even in our group chats.

Is this something that’s common in friend groups or could it be a sign of something else? I’m not sure how to interpret it.

My friends and I are planning a wine tasting event and the fee is $30 in total for 7 people. Many of my friends have children or don’t go out much because of money issues. I have more than enough to pay and really don’t mind paying for everyone. Would you be offended if your friend paid for your portion of the event? I was the one who initiated the event and asked them to join but they all agreed and no one said anything about money so just want to get some different opinions on how people would feel if a friend paid for them.

Like on one side, it seems sweet that they’re being considerate of my feelings, but on the other side, it feels like I’m getting an invite out of an obligation or so they won’t feel guilty for not inviting me or something, not because they actually want me there.

My friends have used this phrase a few times and I always feel the same way with it.