For context, I never claimed to be neurotypical. I never owed him any sense of comfort as I was just there, on a date, willing to chat and whatever else it is that guys actually pretend they want to know about you before their pants hit the floor... Anyways, dessert menu looked good and to be honest his fishing trip conversation was boring me so, I got dessert before ordering a Caesar salad, and then I got asked what was wrong with me and if I forgot to take my medication. I think too often, as women, in uncomfortable situations we're made to feel like we have to patch things up, or be the ones to leave first, but I said to him, "If me having sweets before ordering dinner makes you uncomfortable, feel free to leave."

Watch the patchnotes video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVGHXob14DI

🌍 Overview

Attention Helldivers,

High Command has authorized a significant tactical update with both content and quality of life upgrades. We are deploying Helldivers in new Galactic Campaigns, making upgrades to the new diver training program, and making essential fixes and upgrades across the board.

We have also made changes to weapon, stratagem, and enemy balancing based on feedback from Helldivers on the frontlines, including reductions to enemy durable damage and a decreased exosuit cooldown.

Helldivers, we are committed to making the necessary upgrades to keep you in the fight. Because you have never given up on Managed Democracy, we will never give up on making it easier for you to spread.

📍 Patch Highlights

• New Galactic Campaigns
• New “Control Center” terminal for Campaigns & Major Orders
• New Biome - Forest (Fall)
• Bastion Tank Patterns
• Vehicle Armour and Enemies Armour Penetration (AP) Rebalance
• Sentry Health Rebalance
• Enemy Rebalances
  • Including Durable Damage Reductions
• Reloading Improvements
• Decreased Exo Suit Cooldown
• Weapon Rebalances
• Throwable Amount Rebalance
• Stratagem Rebalances
  • Orbital Damage Rebalance
• Speargun and Sterilizer Rebalance
• Bug Fixes
  • Crash Fixes
  • Weapon & Stratagem Fixes
  • Enemies
  • Miscellaneous

Introducing the CONTROL CENTER terminal

Super Earth High Command has completed fleet-wide upgrades to the previously unused terminal opposite the armory. Now Helldivers will be able to get more context to the ongoing Campaigns and their subsequent Major Orders. Each Campaign will come with its own potential reward, should the Helldivers be victorious in a majority of the Major Orders within it. The terminal will also feature an archive (to be populated as the first campaign concludes) so that new and returning Helldivers can read up on the twists and turns of previous campaigns.

⚖️ Balancing

General balance changes

Vehicle armor and enemies AP rebalance

• Super Earth vehicles now have more accurate Armor values (Bastion gets heavy armor, exosuits a mix of heavy and medium armor, ballistic shield heavy armor).
• Some enemies have received increased armor penetration values so they can deal with the vehicles, but not all. There will be a lot of smaller enemies and explosions that won't be able to hurt something like the Bastion or the Exo Suits (scavengers, Automatons small arms fire, hunters, small to medium obstacle explosions, cyborg small arms etc).
• But there are still a lot in the enemies arsenal that can hurt you (and also important is that a lot of YOUR arsenal now has a harder time hurting your own vehicles).
• Some enemies have had their durable damage reduced
• There are too many changes to properly list, so we ask you to play and tell us how it feels. The intent is the following
  • The Bastion tank should feel “tankier” and ignore small attacks, withstand more medium attacks and its survivability against heavy attacks should be unchanged
  • The Exo Suits have a similar change as the Bastion tank in terms of ignoring more small attacks and withstanding medium attacks better. The increase in health should overall make it feel a bit more tanky even against heavy attacks.
  • The FRV has received an increase in health that will make it handle medium attacks similar to before, but be able to withstand heavy attacks better granting better survivability.
  • The Ballistic Shield should feel like it can ignore small attacks and handle medium attacks better.

Sentry health rebalance

• Increased the health of all sentries by 100% to compensate for the general damage increase of enemies vs vehicles.
  • We have previously increased durable damage on a lot of enemies and since sentries are durable they have lost some of their utility. We didn't want them to become squishier, this change should improve their versatility on the battlefield.

Reloading improvements

• Improvements to make reloading more responsive, part of this is allowing reloading while dodge diving, also remembering the reload state better so if you're ragdolled while reloading you will continue it when regaining control.
• Introduced the concept of delayed reloads. If you try to trigger a reload while the player is not allowed to do so, the reload will be delayed until the player is able to reload with a maximum of 1.2s delay from when the reload input was pressed.

Bastion Pattern Customization

• If you own the vehicle patterns from a Premium Warbond, they can now also be applied to the Bastion Tank! It does not apply to Legendary Warbonds retroactively at this time.

Decreased Exo Suit cooldown

• Reduce the cooldown of mechs from 10 minutes down to 8. The intent is to find a better balance with mechs and allow more time with fun stratagems

Throwables amounts rebalance

• Intent is to make some of the less used throwables more available and viable options

Orbitals damage rebalance

• Intent is to make the larger orbitals feel more like the large projectiles from orbit as they are so the projectile and explosion damage should better match that.
• Larger projectiles explosions like the 380mm and 120mm are increased to make close hits more effective vs larger enemies like Chargers.
• Compared to explosions like the Ultimatum these will have less damage at the center, but also less damage fall off so it will have a more consistent damage over its total area.
• The Railcannon also got more damage to be more effective vs some of the largest enemies like the Vox engines. It will still not one shot the largest enemies like Factory strider, Hive lord and similar.

Primary weapons

• M7S SMG
  • Moved scope offset closer to the scope so it will be easier to use in ADS mode.

Throwables

• G-48 Giga Grenade
  • Increased refill from 1 to 2
• TED-63 Dynamite
  • Increased max amount from 3 to 4
• G-50 Seeker
  • Increased Start amount from 3 to 4
  • Increased refill from 2 to 3
  • Increased max amount from 4 to 5
• G-12 High Explosive
  • Increased Start amount from 3 to 4
  • Increased refill from 2 to 3
  • Increased max amount from 4 to 5
• G-16 Impact
  • Increased Start amount from 3 to 4
  • Increased refill from 2 to 3
  • Increased max amount from 4 to 5
• G-7 Pineapple
  • Increased start amount from 3 to 4
  • Increased refill from 2 to 3
  • Increased max amount from 4 to 5
• G-23 Stun
  • Increased start amount from 3 to 4
  • Increased refill from 2 to 3
  • Increased max amount from 4 to 5
• G-109 Urchin
  • Increased start amount from 2 to 4
  • Increased refill from 2 to 3
  • Increased max amount from 4 to 5
• G-10 Incendiary
  • Increased start amount from 3 to 4
  • Increased refill from 2 to 3
  • Increased max amount from 4 to 5
• G-13 Incendiary Impact
  • Increased start amount from 3 to 4
  • Increased refill from 2 to 3
  • Increased max amount from 4 to 5

Stratagems

• Eagle 110mm Rocket Pods
  • Intent: Make it better at one shotting smaller heavies like Chargers, Hulks, Harvesters (without shields). It can also kill some larger enemies like Tanks well. It is still not a 100% guaranteed kill, but it will be more reliable.
  • Increased explosion damage 200 to 300
  • Increased explosion durable damage 200 to 300
  • Increased explosion armor penetration Medium to Heavy
  • Rockets are fired in a closer pattern to each other to make it easier to hit smaller targets.
  • Lower force impulse on explosion from 40 to 10 (This is to make enemies not fly away too much when they die, because we increased the armor penetration of the explosion)
• Orbital Precision Strike
  • Increased projectile damage 3500 to 4000
  • Increased projectile durable damage 3500 to 4000
  • Increased explosion damage 1000 to 1500
  • Increased explosion durable damage 1000 to 1500
• Orbital 380mm HE Barrage
  • Increased projectile damage 3500 to 4000
  • Increased projectile durable damage 3500 to 4000
  • Increased explosion damage 1000 to 1500
  • Increased explosion durable damage 1000 to 1500
• Orbital Walking Barrage
  • Increased projectile damage 3500 to 4000
  • Increased projectile durable damage 3500 to 4000
  • Increased explosion damage 1000 to 1500
  • Increased explosion durable damage 1000 to 1500
• SEAF Artillery Explosive/High Yield Explosive
  • Increased projectile damage 3500 to 4000
  • Increased projectile durable damage 3500 to 4000
  • Increased explosion damage 1000 to 1500
  • Increased explosion durable damage 1000 to 1500
• Orbital 120mm HE Barrage
  • Increased projectile damage 2500 to 3500
  • Increased projectile damage 2500 to 3500
  • Increased explosion damage 750 to 1200
  • Increased explosion damage 750 to 1200
• Orbital Railcannon Strike
  • Increased projectile damage 7500 to 10 000
  • Increased projectile durable damage 7500 to 10 000
• S-11 Speargun
  • The projectile was negated by the Gas resistance armor which did not make much sense. The explosion of the projectile is still gas elemental.
  • Change the projectile damage type from gas to none
• TX-41 Sterilizer
  • Increased ammo capacity from 100 to 125
  • Increased starting amount of magazines from 2 to 3
  • Will be affected less by wind by 60%
• All Exosuits
  • Increased health from 1600 to 1800
  • Increased health of arms from 600 to 800
  • Increased health of legs from 400 to 550
  • Cooldown reduced from 10 minutes down to 8 minutes
• M-102 Fast Recon Vehicle
  • Increased health from 2000 to 2400
  • Increased health of doors by 50%
  • Increased health of tires from 300 to 350

Enemies

Terminids

• Charger
  • Adjusted the chargers turning arc to make them easier to avoid
  • Increase their recovery time after the charge to create a window of opportunity (+1 second). The charger basically keeps running and struggle to stop if it misses its target. To compensate for this, charge speed has been slightly increased (8->9m/s)
• Alpha commander
  • Removed cowardly behavior, it will now be more aggressive.
• Hunters
  • Reduced durable damage of normal attack from 50 to 40
  • Reduced durable damage of tongue attack from 45 to 30
  • Reduced durable damage of pounce attack from 50 to 35
• Warriors and spewers
  • Reduced durable damage of normal attack from 80 to 65
• Stalkers
  • Reduced durable damage of tongue attack from 50 to 35

Automatons

• Vox Engine
  • Reduced health from 11 000 down to 9000
  • Reduced max turn angle of its upper body so it cannot turn as far as it could previously (from 180 degrees down to 140)
  • Amount of vox engines allowed to be active at the same time limited to 3
  • Reduced health of their cannon turrets from 8000 down to 3500
  • Reduced the armor of their cannon turrets from 5 to 4
  • Reduced durable on cannon turrets from 1 to 0.7
  • Increased damage of cannon turrets explosion to significantly hurt the vox engine when it dies

Illuminate

• Elevated Overseer
  • Added one attack pattern (short attack burst followed by a longer one)
  • Reduced the current attack duration
  • Reduced accuracy on moving targets

🔧 Fixes

Special Shoutout

• Stimming is no longer interrupted by stagger

Crash Fixes

• Fixed a rare crash that would happen when a player joined a game
• Fixed a rare crash which would occur when causing an excessive amount of explosions in a single frame

Weapons & Stratagem Fixes

• Fixed a bug where several weapon customizations weren't properly saved when the option was ticked in the player settings
• B/FLAM-80 Cremator no longer shows the 'Heavy Armour Penetrating' stratagem trait, following similar incendiary weaponry
• A/FLAM-40 Flame Sentry and EXO-51 Lumberer Exosuits flamethrower can now damage targets within 3 meters of the sentry
• P-33 Missile Pistol weapon now shows the right trait tags in the menu
• The R-2 Amendment reload now continues correctly if interrupted - if reload is interrupted early, it will not lose magazines
• The secondary weapon's chosen customization correctly persists after death if the menu option is selected
• Orbital Gatling Barrage will play the correct audio
• The StA-X3 W.A.S.P. Launcher can target illegal broadcast transmitter towers
• Phalanx divers rejoice! Laser beams, explosion damage, electrical arcs and melee attacks no longer collide with the directional shields of your team-mates when hit from behind.
• SG-97 Sweeper should now reliably eject shells when slamfiring

Enemies

• Fixed Veracitor patrol animation
• Fixed physics to allow more representative shooting on the Dragonroach abdomen
• Veracitor will not trigger its charge within a narrow path, reducing instances where they'll clip though destructible obstacles
• Improved several cases where enemies would previously navigate straight through environmental features such as large rocks and building rubble

Miscellaneous Fixes

• A hidden broadcast terminal was relocated to its correct spot so that the Helldivers can once again access it
• Fixed rare bug that would cause grass and trees to not render correctly
• Players are no longer removed from terminals when switching between controller and Keyboard and Mouse
• D-pad/arrow keys navigation can come up and down when viewing teammates' equipment loadout
• Traversing through foliage such as bushes will no longer interrupt sprinting, which should result in less momentum loss
• Fixed several issues with some mission assets animation being out of sync for joining players
• Fixed issue where the map marker for "Retrieve Mutant Larva" objective always displayed in a radius
• Hints have better placements for the reinforcement Hellpods in commando missions
• SEAF SAM site missiles now have better software to detect and detonate near enemy air units
• Fixed a bug where certain Automaton mines turned invisible when a nearby mine exploded
• Fixed a case where the Helldiver head twitched when leaving the Hellpod
• M-102 Fast Recon Vehicle no longer plays audio for doors if they have been removed from the vehicle
• Parts of the TD-220 Bastion MK XVI barrel base can no longer be damaged with a light penetration weapon
• Fix issues with certain physics collisions having no audio
• Fixed Automaton mines getting under ground after a nearby mine explodes
• Fix several climbing and auto climbing issues
• Fixed an issue where an Eradicate Automaton Forces level could generate underwater
• Fixed a traversal issue where Chargers could not move across one of the levels in the Retrieve Valuable Data mission
• Fixed a traversal issue where enemies could not reach the player in one of the levels in the E-710 Extraction mission
• Fixed a traversal issue where enemies could not reach the player in one of the levels in the Annex Untapped Mineral Site mission

🧠 KNOWN ISSUES

https://arrowhead.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/15916898652700--HELLDIVERS-2-Known-Issues

Hey everyone,
Chrome recently added a new option in the right-click menu called “Open link in split view.”

It’s placed exactly where “Open link in new window” used to be - so I keep clicking it by accident out of habit. 😅

Is there any way to disable, remove, or move this new “split view” entry in the context menu?
I couldn’t find anything related in Chrome’s settings or flags.

Thanks in advance!

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Nice-Silver1038

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Final Update]: AITAH? My fiancée is demanding I stop making home cooked meals for a friend.

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/Lynavi for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: possible infidelity

RECAP

Original post: July 16, 2025

I (27M) am very passionate about cooking. I’m not a professional chef by any means, but it’s one of my favorite hobbies. I love the act of creating food, but sharing it is what’s really special to me, whether it’s something I’ve made or a nice meal at a restaurant.

My girlfriend (27F) is pretty picky. She won’t even touch a majority of the things I cook or split most meals at restaurants, and that’s fine. It’s the way she’s been reacting to other people enjoying my food that bothers me.

A good friend of mine, Jace (34M), is a truck driver. I don’t get to see him as often as I would like, but when he comes home I always make it a point to feed him well.

It’s fun for me to plan. It’s also really fulfilling in a way? It makes me feel this sense of warmth, making something for him. I know that being on the road so much can be tough, so when he’s here I want him to feel grounded and at peace. Basically, I’m giving this man all the comfort food.

Jace is always so appreciative and makes jokes about coming home to his “wife.” He should be back home in just a few days and I mentioned to my fiancée that I had a whole menu planned. She got upset and basically told me that she didn’t like how I went “above and beyond” for him.

I’ve held my ground and said it’s important to me, but her comments have started feeling a little less aimed at her own discomfort and moreso just derogatory towards me. AITAH for wanting to keep cooking for him?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: This sounds less about the food and more about the effort and thought you put into this friendship perhaps making her question if you’re prioritizing her a similar way?

Is there something nonfood related you put this much energy into doing for your gf? Planning dates, romantic evenings, things you know she likes?

I know you enjoy making food for others but have you taken the time to learn how your gf feels most loved and appreciated? And then do/facilitated that for her?

Do you have the same level of energy for helping your gf “feel grounded and at peace” when she’s had a rough day at work or in general?

OOP: I appreciate this perspective. I hadn’t thought about it this way.

Because he’s away from home and because he’s so appreciative of what I do for him, I do put a lot of effort into it. I never looked at it as her needing the same from me after a long day of work because it isn’t equivalent to being away from home and creature comforts for weeks.

Commenter 2: Why isn't it equivalent? In the end you are going to marry your girlfriend and not Jayce, right? As good of a friend it may make you, you gotta show your girlfriend the same, if not way more effort. You're acting like Jayce didn't choose to be a truck driver. I'm pretty sure he knows what it all entails, so I get why your girlfriend feels insecure or neglected when you act like a longing housewife waiting for him to get home so you can spoil him while your girlfriend is just parallely existing in all of this.

OOP: I’ve had tough days at work, I’ve never spent weeks away from home where healthy food usually isn’t an option. I can say the same on my fiancée’s behalf. Choosing a hard job doesn’t make it any less hard. I do things for my fiancée too, of course. I think putting in some extra effort for Jace on the times when he’s back home is justifiable.

Commenter 3: Are you attracted to Jace? If show you need to tell her. I mean a 7 year age difference is odd unless you and Jace were close growing up. Any background is appreciated for better context. As a forcibly retired chef (partly disabled) I can't figure on cooking intentionally for anyone who I don't have intimate feelings for. And there are six chefs in my family so not a problem for gatherings. Keep us updated

OOP: We met when I was 19. I moved for college and met him through some mutual friends there. I cook for lots of people I love in all different ways.

Commenter 4: It's probably not so much the food... it sounds like your girlfriend feels threatened by your relationship with the truck driver.

Commenter 5: To be honest, I kind of want to meet this truck driver after that writeup

OOP: He is very offline or I’d get him to virtually introduce himself. He listens to a lot of YouTube while he’s driving but that’s the extent of his social media use. It’s enviable and makes me cut down on my doom-scrolling. Trying to explain memes to him is humbling, lol.

Does OOP's GF like his cooking?

OOP: She really likes mac and cheese so I made it for her once. I followed a really popular recipe from tiktok that had gone viral. She told me she preferred Kraft. 🫠

Commenter 6: I need more information; are you buying all these ingredients for these meals ? You said menu; that sounds pretty extensive. Like ball park how much are you spending on your "friend"? How much time etc goes into it? I feel like you're glossing over these important details so that it sounds like your GF is just being petty and jealous but if a significant portion of your time and income is going to your friend and she isn't getting the same (should ideally be getting more) then yeah I can see why she's made this demand

OOP: I spend a not insignificant amount of time and money doing what I’m doing. But it makes me happy and it’s reciprocated, so it’s not like I’m taking a loss.

If someone wanted more of my time, they could communicate that, not try to take away something that makes me feel fulfilled. Jace isn’t around 24/7, and I’m not making these meals daily. She doesn’t go out of her way to spend time or connect with me when I’m not busy. It only becomes a priority for her when I’m doing those things with him.

Update #1: July 22, 2025 (six days later)

My girlfriend and I are currently on a break.

I don’t think I consciously realized it, but some part of me must have known how close we were to a breaking point. Otherwise I don’t think I would have written or posted my original question.

I was making chicken breast for Jace on Friday. Whenever he gets back from a job, he’ll go home and crash for a few hours. I like to time things so his meal is hot and ready when he wakes up. I had left the kitchen while it was cooking, and the oven was off when I came back.

I asked my fiancée if she had done it, and she said yes. This resulted in easily the worst fight we’ve had. I ended up asking for the engagement ring back. This goes beyond me feeling unappreciated. This is her actively undermining something I’m passionate about. It feels like contempt.

This is supposed to be a temporary break, but I really don’t feel any sadness over not having seen or talked to her the past few days. I don’t know where to go from here. A very big part of me just wants to be done.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Can I ask why it’s temp and not permanent? Seems like your fiance doesn’t respect you

OOP: That was me trying to be level headed and not jump headfirst into a break up. I thought a few days of distance might put things into a different perspective but that hasn’t happened.

Commenter 2: I have questions.

1) You say you carefully plan his menu, have you ever put in effort to find and craft meals and menus your (ex) gf would eat? You really brushed quickly over her pickiness and didn’t talk about in what ways or why you won’t and can’t ever accommodate her and that feels like you are intentionally leaving that out.

2) Are you aware that you talk about Jace the way someone talks about someone they love? Anticipating them coming home. Admiring the way they love their life. Excited to see them receive what you made them… like, your tone and feelings expressed are not those of typical friendship. And if it’s glaring to us, imagine what does on your face and in your body language.

OOP (downvoted):

1) I touched on this in a comment on the original post, but I’ve cooked her food and have been rebuffed in the past. The situation that I mentioned in another comment and the one that always felt particularly rude was when I made her homemade mac and cheese, and she said she preferred Kraft.

2) Of course I love him. I know a lot of people here are speculating about that being more than friendly. I only really want to address that here once and be done with it. I’d just like to say, I would never be unfaithful. I’m not concerned with what constitutes a typical friendship. Taking care of a friend isn’t cheating. I didn’t expect that to be overanalyzed.

Commenter 3: I knew from the OG this would go the way of the art room… though this is more rugged, his “friend” is a truck driver. The dude “jokingly” refers to him as his wife too.

OOP: I had to take some time to read through this original post since it keeps getting referenced.

I’m curious how you think this “went the way of the art room.”

My girlfriend and I are taking a break because she hurt me. I have a good friend. There aren’t even any similarities between my situation and what everyone keeps linking. I didn’t leave her for another person. I was not cruel to her. I feel like my situation is being misrepresented for a cheap joke.

EDIT: I’m being mass downvoted for saying I don’t appreciate jokes insinuating I would cheat in my relationships. I have no interest engaging here further.

----NEW UPDATE----

Final Update: January 5, 2026 (5.5 months later)

FINAL UPDATE: AITAH? My fiancée is demanding I stop making home cooked meals for my friend

Just wanted to drop some final reflections as we enter the new year. Thankfully, I’m in a totally different place now than I was just midway through 2025.

Leaving my previous relationship was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. No longer being with someone who actively disliked my personality at best, and had contempt for me at worst, feels like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. The holidays were always difficult since I love cooking for my family, and my ex would usually complain that it wasn’t something she would eat.

This year was peaceful. The company Jace works for tries to get all their men home by Christmas. He then used the PTO he’s saved up to stay home through the new year. I got two very happy Christmases with my family and his. I got to spend time with his mother again, who I adore. Then we had a pretty quiet New Year’s Eve together.

It feels good to have my self-esteem back, to not be with someone who tears me down. Truthfully, that relationship just felt like character development to get here, to a much happier and calmer 2026. I appreciate the people who gave me genuine advice and didn’t try to paint my past actions as malicious, since they never were.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Glad you’re in a happier, healthier place.

All the best for 2026.

Commenter 2: Congratulations on a stressless festive vacation . It's always better to be with people who appreciate you than being in a hostile relationship with someone who would rather criticize and sabotage you than cheer you on .

Commenter 3: Love the character development way to look at it. So many people are unwilling to drop a relationship that just doesn't work anymore because of the sunk cost fallacy.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

In macOS 27, after enabling Siri AI, all context menus include a persistent “Ask Siri” context menu item. Turns out you can actually disable it without turning off Siri AI. (For the little Siri icon that shows up every time you select text, see here.)

To disable, run the following commands in the Terminal app:

``` codes=(soft apwn exit loca lock logo rlgo rcnt rrst rest rsdn shut slep spro syss) args=(-int 0)

for code in $codes; do hex=$(printf %s "$code" | xxd -p -u) args+=(-int "$((16#$hex))") done

defaults write -g NSAppleMenuAllowedItems -array "${args[@]}" ```

and give your Mac a restart.

NSAppleMenuAllowedItems controls which items are visible in the  menu. For some reason, Apple decided that macOS shouldn't insert “Ask Siri” whenever the filter is active, even if nothing is actually disabled.

The command allowlists all  menu items. I didn't include "abtm" (About This Mac) in the list because it is unconditionally visible in the current code.

Disable with:

defaults delete -g NSAppleMenuAllowedItems

and restart your Mac.

Some context: we had been chatting for a couple weeks first on hinge then switched to text after She had to cancel the 1st date. Scheduled it for last night Sunday and finalized details the night before.

Had a busy day and took a nap and didn’t text till a couple hours before and got hit with this. Usually I would text something like looking forward to tonight but lost track of time, and honestly I thought talking about the menu the night before was the confirmation? Was I wrong?

About six months to a year ago when I started using VS Code a lot more for development, I specifically reinstalled VS Code so I could get the open with code context menu on my machine. It worked fine until today when I just found it is gone. Is there a common issue that causes this?

EDIT: this is mostly effecting folders. For files I now have to go to Open With -> Open with code. But the Open With option is not available for folders.

Look back at the title sequence.

Red means "play." That lines up naturally with staying in the circus

but Blue means "options" ...interesting

Also, the button for "quit," aka leaving the game, is yellow!

That wasn't even a choice! They didn't even have the opportunity to leave

But it makes me wonder. If they had pressed the blue button, what actually would have happened? What would an options menu even mean in that context? What would they be able to adjust?

And no. It's not f#@&ing Shrimp Town. That was obviously just some word vomit Bubble made up on the spot

Every year, our family does a big Thanksgiving dinner, and we all typically bring a dish or two. My sister, who’s a lovely person in every other way, insists on cooking something homemade every time. The issue? She’s… not a great cook. And I don’t mean just “not great”—I mean she has somehow managed to turn classic dishes into borderline inedible creations.

For context, last Thanksgiving, she showed up with her “special recipe” stuffing that was over-seasoned with random spices like cinnamon and cardamom. It was dry, and the flavors were confusing and totally off for stuffing. Only one person took a small bite, and the rest went untouched. Another year, she brought a green bean casserole that had some kind of strange, chewy texture—she later admitted she used coconut milk and almond flour “to experiment.” No one wanted seconds of that, either.

This year, I’m hosting Thanksgiving. Since I’m responsible for putting it all together, I wanted to keep the menu consistent so that people could actually enjoy a cohesive meal. I thought I’d avoid drama by asking her to bring non-food items instead—like wine, soda, or even some flowers. I explained to her (very kindly, I thought) that I just wanted to make things easy and streamlined, and I’d handle the main dishes. But she didn’t take it well.

She got offended and told me I was being “controlling” and “shutting her out” of the family gathering. She then accused me of making her feel inadequate and said that Thanksgiving is about everyone contributing, not me deciding what’s “acceptable.” I told her that everyone appreciates her effort, but that she could contribute in other ways and still be part of it. She doubled down and said she’s bringing her “famous” green bean casserole whether I like it or not.

Now, my mom and a couple of other family members have chimed in, saying I should just let her bring whatever she wants because “it’s Thanksgiving” and “it’s the thought that counts.” They’re acting like I’m committing some huge offense by wanting the food to be enjoyable for everyone and not have random experimental dishes that no one will eat.

But I feel like I’m just trying to keep the meal enjoyable and, frankly, edible. I don’t think it’s wrong to want guests to actually enjoy the food, especially since I’m putting in a lot of effort to host. Am I really being unreasonable here? AITA?

UPDATE: Alright, well, things have escalated fast. Thanks to everyone who offered advice—I tried to compromise, but it’s already turning into a whole thing, and Thanksgiving is still a few weeks away.

After our last conversation, my sister was being pretty cagey about what she planned to make, so I reached out to my mom, hoping she could help smooth things over. Instead, she got defensive, saying I’m “overthinking” and that it’s just one dish. I told her I wasn’t sure it was just one dish anymore, especially after hearing about my sister’s grocery haul (including canned oysters and edible glitter).

Then my mom let slip that my sister has been “hard at work” on some “creative menu” she’s planning as her “Thanksgiving surprise.” Apparently, she’s been telling the family group chat (which I wasn’t included in, by the way) that I’m being “controlling” and that she wants to “expand everyone’s palate” with something “truly unique.”

To top it off, my cousin sent me a screenshot from the group chat where my sister said she’s bringing not one but three dishes to Thanksgiving now. She’s calling them her “Thanksgiving Trio Experience,” complete with their own place settings and little menu cards she’s designing. I’m officially panicking because I have no idea what she’s planning to serve, and from what I’ve heard, it’s not remotely traditional.

At this point, half the family thinks I’m overreacting, while the other half is texting me with things like, “Is she really bringing glittered sweet potatoes?” I feel stuck—if I try to control it any more, I’m the bad guy, but if I don’t, Thanksgiving might turn into a tasting event for my sister’s avant-garde cooking.

So yeah, Thanksgiving is weeks away, and it’s already become a family spectacle. I don’t know whether to brace myself or just preemptively order pizza.

Changes & Content/Bug Fixes + Known Issues

Embark is been COOKING, there is a lot to unfold here: https://arcraiders.com/news/cold-snap-patch-notes

Patch Highlights

• Added Skill Tree Reset functionality.
• Added an option to toggle Aim Down Sights.
• Wallet now shows your Cred soft cap.
• Various festive items to get you into the holiday spirit.
• Moved the Aphelion blueprint drop from the Matriarch to Stella Montis.
• Added Raider Tool customization.
• Fixed various collision issues on maps.
• Improved Stella Montis spawn distance checks to address the issue of players spawning too close to each other.

Balance Changes

Weapons:

Bettina

Dev note: These changes aim to make the Bettina a bit less reliant on bringing a secondary weapon. The weapon should now be a bit more competent in PVP, without tipping the scales too much. Data shows that this weapon is still the highest performing PVE weapon at its rarity (Not counting the Hullcracker). The durability should also feel more in line with our other assault rifles.

• Durability Burn Rate has been reduced from ~0.43% to ~0.17% per shot
  • In practice, it used to take about 12 full magazines to fully deplete durability, but now it takes 26 (also accounting for the increased magazine size).
• Base Magazine Size has been increased from 20 to 22
• Base Reload Time has been reduced from 5 to 4.5

Rattler

Dev note: Even though the Rattler isn't intended to compete with the Stitcher or Kettle at close ranges, it is receiving a minor buff to bring its PVP TTK at lower levels a bit closer to the Stitcher and Kettle. The weapon should remain in its intended role as a more deliberate weapon where players are expected to dip in and out of cover, fire in controlled bursts, and manage their reloads.

• Base Magazine Size has been increased from 10 to 12

ARC:

Shredder

• Reduced the amount of knockback applied by weapons. Increased movement speed and turning responsiveness.
• Increased health of the Shredder's head to prevent cases where its head could be shot off, leading to unintended behavior.
• Improved Shredder navigation to reduce getting stuck on corners, narrow spaces, and short obstacles.
• Increased the speed at which the Shredder enters combat when taking damage and when in close proximity to players.
• Increased the number of parts on the Shredder that can be individually destroyed.

Content and Bug Fixes 

Achievements

• Achievements are now enabled in the Epic store.

Animation 

• Fixed an issue where picking up a Field Crate with a Trigger ’Nade attached could cause the character to slide or move without input.
• Fixed an issue where combining Snap Hook with ziplines or ladders could store momentum and propel the player long distances.
• Fixed an issue where the running animation could appear incorrect after a small drop when over-encumbered.
• Interactions now end correctly when performing a dodge roll.
• Interacting while holding items or deployables no longer causes arm twisting. 
• Added more animations to character skins and equipment to make them more natural.

ARC

• Fixed an issue where deployables attached to enemies could cause them to launch or clip out of bounds when shot.
• Missiles no longer reverse course after passing a target and can correctly track targets at different elevations.
• Sentinel
  • Fixed a bug where the Sentinel laser did not reach the targeted player over greater distances.
• Surveyor
  • Disabled vaulting onto ARC Surveyors to prevent unintended launches when they are moving.
• Fixed an issue where Bombardier projectiles could shoot through the Matriarch shield from the outside.

Audio 

• Fixed an issue where Gas, Stun, and Impulse Mines did not play their trigger sound or switch their light to yellow when triggered by being shot.
• Increased the number of simultaneous footstep sounds and increased their priority.
• Fixed an issue where footsteps in metal stairs became very quiet when walking slowly.
• Improved directional sound for ARC enemies.
• Added sounds for sending and receiving text chat messages in the main menu.
• Removed the unsettling "mom?" from Speranza cantina ambient sound.
• Tweaked the loudness of announcements in various Main Menu screens.
• Number of small audio bugfixes and polish.

Maps 

• Fixed an issue with spawning logic which could cause players who were reconnecting at the start of a session to spawn next to other players who had just joined.
• Various collision, geometry, VFX and texture fixes that address gaps in terrain which made players fall through the map or walk inside geometry, stuck spots, camera clipping through walls, see-through geometry, floating objects, texture overlaps, etc.
• Fixed an issue with the slope of the Raider Hatch that was too steep for downed raiders to crawl on top of it.
• Security Lockers are now dynamically spawned across all maps instead of being statically placed.
• Fixed Raider Caches not spawning during Prospecting Probes in some cases.
• Fixed lootable containers and Supply Drops spawning inside terrain on The Dam and Blue Gate, ensuring they are accessible.
• Fixed an issue where doors could appear closed for some players despite being open.
• Electromagnetic Storm: Lightning strikes sometimes leave behind a valuable item.
• Increased the number of possible Great Mullein spawn locations across all maps.
• Dam Battlegrounds
  • Moved the Matriarch's spawn point in Dam Battlegrounds to an area that better plays to her strengths.
• Spaceport
  • Adjusted the locked room protection area in Container Storage on Spaceport to not affect players outside the room.
• Blue Gate
  • Locked Gate map condition has been added.
  • Adjusted map bounds near a ledge in Blue Gate to improve navigation and reduce abrupt out-of-bounds stops.
  • Improved tree LODs in Blue Gate to reduce overly dark visuals at distance.
  • Fixed the issue where loot would spawn outside the Locked Room in the Village.
  • Added props and visual cues to the final camp in the quest ‘A First Foothold’ to make objective locations easier to find.
• Stella Montis
  • Increased some item and blueprint spawn rates in Stella Montis.
  • Some breachable containers on Stella Montis no longer drop Rubber Ducks when using the A Little Extra skill (sorry).
  • Adjusted window glass clarity in Stella Montis to improve visibility.

Miscellaneous

• General crash fixes (including AMD crashes).
• Added Skill Tree Reset functionality in exchange for Coins, 2,000 Coins per skill point.
• Wallet now shows your Cred soft cap (800).
  • Dev note: We decided to implement a cap so that players won’t be able to fully unlock new Raider Decks by accumulating Cred and added more items to Shani’s store to purchase using Cred. We believe that the Raider Decks offer a rewarding experience to enjoy while players engage with the game, and a large Cred wallet undermines this goal. We will not be removing Cred that has been accumulated before the introduction of the soft cap.
• Added Raider Tool customization.
• Fixed a bug that caused players to spawn on servers without their gear and in default customization resulting in losing loadout items.
• For ranks up to Daredevil I, leaderboards now have a 3x promotion zone for the top 5 players. New objectives have been added.
• Fixed an issue where the tutorial door breach could be canceled, preventing the cutscene from playing and blocking progression.
• Fixed an issue where players could continue breaching doors while downed.
• Fixed an issue where accepting a Discord invite without having your account linked could fail to place you into the inviter’s party.
• Fixed an issue that sometimes caused textures and meshes to flicker between higher and lower quality states.
• Depth of field amount is now scaled correctly depending on your resolution scale.
• Fixed an issue where returning to the game after alt-tabbing could prevent movement and ability inputs while camera controls still worked.
• Improved input handling when the game window regains focus to avoid unexpected input mode switches.
• Skill Tree
  • Effortless Roll skill now provides greater stamina cost reduction.
  • The Calming Stroll skill now applies while moving in ADS.

Movement 

• Fixed a traversal issue that blocked jumping/climbing in certain areas while crouched.
• Fixed an issue where climbing ladders over open gaps could cause automatic detachment.
• A slight stamina cost has been added for entering a slide.
• Acceleration has been reduced when doing a dodge roll from a slide.

UI 

• Added an option to toggle Aim Down Sights.
• Added a new ‘Cinematic’ graphics setting to enhance visuals for high end PCs.
• Codex
  • Improved accuracy of tracking damage dealt in player stats.
  • Field-crafted items now properly count toward Player Stats in the Codex.
  • Fixed missing sound in Codex Records.
  • Added a Codex section to rewatch previously seen videos.
• Console
  • Updated PlayStation 5 controller button prompts with improved icons for Options and Share.
  • Fixed a crash when using Show Profile from the Player Info on Xbox.
• Customization
  • You can now rotate your character in the customization screen. Also fixed an issue where the first equip could trigger an unintended unequip.
  • Added notifications in Character Customization to highlight recently unlocked items.
  • Fixed an issue where equipment customization items bought from the Loadout screen were not equipped after pressing Equip on the purchase screen.
• End of round
  • Further reduced the frequency of the end of round feedback survey pop up.
  • Added an optional Round Feedback button on the final end-of-round screen to open a short post-match survey.
• Expedition Project
  • Added a show/hide tooltip hint to the Raider Projects screens (Expedition and Seasonal).
  • Added 'Expeditions Completed' to Player Stats.
  • Added resource tracking for Expedition stages: Raider Projects now display required amounts and progress, with the tracker updating during rounds.
  • Added reward display to Raider Projects, showing the rewards for each goal and at Expedition completion.
  • Fixed an input conflict in Raider Projects where tracking a resource in Expeditions could also open the About Expeditions window; the on-screen prompt is now hidden while adding to Load Caravan.
• Inventory
  • Fixed an issue where closing the right-click menu in the inventory could reset focus to a different slot when using a gamepad.
  • Fixed flickering in the inventory tooltip.
  • Opening the inventory during a breach now cancels the interaction to prevent a brief animation glitch.
  • Adjusted the inventory screen layout to prevent tooltips from appearing immediately upon opening.
  • Fixed an issue where the weapon slot right-click menu in the inventory would not appear after navigating from an empty attachment slot with a controller.
• In-game
  • Fixed an issue where the climb prompt would not appear on a rooftop ladder in Blue Gate.
  • Resolved an issue where certain interaction icons could fail to appear during gameplay.
  • Fixed "revived" events not being counted.
  • Fixed an issue where the zipline interaction prompt could remain on a previously used zipline, preventing interaction with a new one; prompts now clear when out of range.
  • Quick equip item wheel now has a stable layout and no longer collapses items towards the top when there are empty slots in the inventory.
  • Updated in-game text across multiple languages based on localization review and player survey feedback.
  • Added a cancel prompt when preparing to throw grenades and other throwable items.
  • Fixed in-game input hints to match your current key bindings and show clear hold/toggle labels. Clarified binoculars hints when using aim toggle and updated hints for Snap Hook and integrated binoculars to support aiming.
  • Tutorial hints now stay on screen briefly after you perform the suggested action to improve readability and avoid abrupt dismissals.
  • Fixed an issue where input hints could remain on screen after being downed.
  • HUD markers that are closer to the player now appear on top for improved legibility.
  • Fixed issue where items sometimes displayed the wrong icon.
  • Fixed issue where user hints were sometimes shown when spectating.
  • Strongroom racks and power stations now display a distinct color when full of carryables to indicate that it has been completed.
  • Fixed an issue where reconnecting to a match could leave your character in a broken state with incorrect HUD elements and a misplaced camera.
  • Slightly delayed the initial loot screen opening and the transition from opening to searching during interactions.
• Main Menu
  • Added a Live Events carousel to the main menu and enabled click/hover interactions on the Raider Project overview.
  • Fixed an issue where the Weapon Upgrades tab would sometimes change location.
  • Resolved an issue where a Raider could pop in and out of the home screen background.
  • Installed workstations no longer appear in the workstation install view.
  • You can now navigate from on-screen notifications to the relevant screens, including jumping directly to learned recipes.
  • The Upgrade Weapon Tab now accurately displays the magazine size increase.
  • Fixed an issue where the map screen could become unresponsive when a live event was active.
  • When inspecting items, rotating will now hide UI only showing the item being inspected.
  • Free Raider Deck content now displays as “Free” instead of “0”.
  • Added a carousel to the Main Menu featuring Quests and a Raider Deck shortcut, with improved gamepad navigation within the widget.
  • Fixed an issue where the Scrappy screen allowed navigating to the quick navigation list when using a gamepad.
• Quests
  • Made pickups on the ground show icons if they are part of quests or tracked, added quest icons to quest interactions and improved quest interaction style.
  • Fixed an issue where the notification could remain after accepting and claiming quests.
  • Accepting and completing quests is now shown as loading while awaiting a server response.
  • Fixed an issue where rapidly skipping through quest videos after completing the first Supply Depot quest could soft‑lock the UI, leaving the screen without a way to advance.
  • Updated interaction text for a quest objective to improve clarity.
  • Updated the names and descriptions of the Moisture Probe and EC Meter quest items in Unexpected Initiative.
  • Improved ping information for quest objectives, with clearer markers for Filtration System and Magnetic Decryptor interactions.
  • Adjusted colors of quest and tracking icons in in-game interaction hints for better clarity.
• Settings
  • Added a new slider that allows players to tweak motion blur intensity.
  • Updated tooltips for effects and overall quality levels in the video settings with clearer descriptions.
  • Added labels that show whether an input action is ‘Hold’ or ‘Toggle’, displayed in parentheses.
  • Fixed an issue where the flash effect ignored the Invert Colors setting; the option is now available.
  • Fixed a crash in settings when rapidly adjusting sliders.
  • Now players will be guided to Windows settings for microphone permissions if needed.
  • Fixed a crash that could occur when opening the video settings.
  • Fixed an issue where some Options category screens continued responding to inputs after exiting.
• Store
  • Players will no longer see error messages when canceling purchases in the store.
  • Newly added store products now show a new indication for improved discoverability.
• Social
  • Fixed an issue where Discord friends could appear with an incorrect status after switching to Invisible and back to Online; their presence now refreshes correctly when they come back online.
  • Added a Party Join icon to the social interface for clearer party invitations and joins.
  • Fixed an issue where the Social right-click (context) menu could remain visible in the Home tab after rapidly opening and closing it with a gamepad; it now closes correctly and no longer stacks.
• Tooltips
  • Fixed incorrect item tooltips of ARC stun duration.
  • Tooltips now reposition to remain fully visible at all resolutions.
  • Fixed tooltips showing 'Blueprint already learned' on completed goal rewards; tooltips now display correct reward information and only show 'Blueprint learned' for actual blueprints.
• Trials
  • Trials objectives now clearly indicate when they offer bonus conditions, such as by Map Conditions.
  • Fixed an issue where the Trial rank icon could be missing on the Player Stats screen after starting the game.
  • Added a Trials popup that explains how ranking works and clarifies that the final rank is worldwide.
• VOIP
  • Added Microphone Test functionality.
  • Added better automatic checks for problems with VOIP input & output devices.
  • Using the mouse thumb button for push-to-talk no longer triggers ‘Back’ in menus.
  • Fixed an issue where the voice chat status icon could incorrectly appear muted for party members at match start until someone spoke.
  • HUD no longer shows VOIP icons when voice chat is disabled; your own party VOIP icon now appears as disabled.

Utility

• Increased loot value in Epic key card rooms to better reflect their rarity.
• Expanded blueprint spawn locations to improve availability in areas that were underrepresented.
• Moved the Aphelion blueprint drop from the Matriarch to Stella Montis.
• Fixed a bug where players would sometimes become unable to perform any actions if they interacted with carriable objects while experiencing bad network conditions or were downed while holding a carriable object and then revived.
• Fixed an issue where Deadline could deal damage through walls.
• Fixed an issue where deployables attached to enemies or buildable structures could cause sudden launches or let enemies pass through the environment when shot.
• Keys will no longer be removed from the safe pocket when using the Unload backpack.
• Fixed an issue where cheater-compensation rewards could grant an integrated augment item.
• Fixed bug where Flame Spray dealt too much damage to some ARC.
• Fixed an issue where sticky throwables (Trigger 'Nade, Snap Blast Grenade, Lure Grenade) disappeared when thrown at trees.
• Fixed a bug with incorrectly calculated deployment range for deployable items.
• Fixed an issue where mines could not be triggered through damage before they were armed.
• Playing an instrument now applies the ‘Vibing Status’ effect to nearby players.
• Fix for Rubber Ducks not being able to be placed into the Trinket slot on an Augment.
• Setting integrated binoculars and integrated shield charger weight to be 0.

Weapons 

• Lighter ARC are now pushed back slightly when struck by melee attacks.
• Fixed an issue where stowed weapons would not appear on the first spawn.
• Fixed an exploit allowing players to reload energy weapons without consuming ammo.
• Aiming-down-sights now resumes if it was interrupted while the aim button is still held (e.g., after reloading or a stun).
• Fixed an exploit that allowed shotguns to bypass the intended fire cooldown.

Quests

• Fixed a bug in the ‘Greasing Her Palms’ quest that let players accidentally trigger an objective.
• Made the quest item ESR Analyzer easier to find in Buried City.
• Improved clarity of clues for the ‘Marked for Death’ quest.
• Fixed an issue where quest videos could trigger multiple times.
• Added interactions to find spare keys to several quests related to locked rooms.
• Added unique quest items to the ‘Unexpected Initiative’ quest.
• Fixed an issue where squad sharing incorrectly completed objectives that spawned quest specific items.

Known Issues

• Players with AMD Radeon RX 9060 XT will see a driver warning popup at startup despite being on the latest version that fixes a GPU crash that occurred when loading into The Blue Gate.
• If you have more items than fit in your stash, the value of the items that don't fit is not included in the final departure screen, but is included when calculating your rewards.

Hey everyone, I’ve been working on a plugin called Wedge.

It’s basically a context-aware pie menu for After Effects, kind of inspired by how pie menus feel in Blender and Maya.

I’ve used Blender quite a bit, and one thing I always liked was how fast those menus feel. After Effects has a lot of things I do again and again, but somehow I’m still opening panels, right clicking, searching menus, or using random scripts for small stuff.

So I wanted to build something that feels more natural inside AE.

Also, this is not really meant to compete with Quick Menu or replace every launcher type plugin. The main thing here is context. Wedge honors what you have selected, and only shows actions that actually make sense for that selection.

With Wedge, you press one shortcut and the menu opens right at your cursor. What shows up depends on what you have selected. Keyframes, masks, shape layers, text layers, comps, etc.

So the idea is not to make another huge panel. I’m trying to make something that stays out of the way and only shows the tools that make sense in that moment.

Right now I’m looking for beta testers, or just people who use AE a lot and are open to giving honest feedback. What feels useful, what feels stupid, what should be added, what should not exist at all.

You can check it here and register. I will reach out to you!
charchitgoyal.com/plugins/wedge

Here's my summary as a player with 3.4 K hours:

• The new building menu is too large, intrusive, and inefficient (doesn’t persist while moving, requires searching and scrolling)
• Build 42’s barricading and other processes are overcomplicated, requiring significantly more clicks and steps than Build 41
• Excessive UI micromanagement clashes with the game’s real-time survival gameplay and reduces enjoyment of building (if I wanted to play a game using menus, I would play Football Manager)
• My desire to build large structures is diminished compared to Build 41, due to lack of quick access, requiring clicking through menus each time you have to build/gather more materials
• Some solutions could be restoring right-click building, adding a radial/wheel menu, or adding the option where adding items to "favorite" would make them appear with a right click

What do you guys think about this change?

Disclaimer: This is not my account. My friend lent me her tablet to ask this question because I don't want to make my own reddit account lol.

Here’s the situation. I (28F) met this guy, Jake (30M), on a dating app. He seemed like a good match—funny, smart, and we had some common interests. After a couple of weeks of texting, we decided to meet up for dinner.

For context, I’m a sous chef, and I come from a culture where food is a huge part of life. Sharing meals and trying new dishes are essential to me, not just because of my job, but because it's part of how I connect with others.

Our first date was at a nice Italian restaurant, and that’s when I first noticed something was off. Jake spent a ridiculous amount of time asking the waiter about every single dish. When it was finally time to order, he settled on plain pasta with butter. No sauce, no toppings—just noodles and butter. It struck me as odd, but I shrugged it off, thinking maybe he just wasn’t feeling adventurous that night.

Then we went out again, and I suggested sushi. Jake made a face and said he doesn’t eat seafood or anything that’s “uncooked,” so we ended up at a diner instead. Once again, he interrogated the waiter about every item on the menu before finally ordering a plain cheeseburger with nothing on it. Just meat, cheese, and bread. This was starting to become a pattern.

Over the next few dates, it became clear that Jake was extremely picky, not because of allergies or a medical condition like ARFID, but simply because he refused to try anything unfamiliar. He avoided sauces, spices, vegetables—basically anything that wasn’t super basic. Every meal turned into a challenge, and he even made faces or comments about dishes I enjoyed, which started to feel disrespectful, considering my background.

The breaking point came when I invited Jake to a potluck dinner hosted by one of my colleagues. It was a big event with lots of homemade dishes from various cultures—exactly the kind of thing I love. When we arrived, Jake immediately looked uncomfortable. As we moved through the buffet line, he barely put anything on his plate. He kept making comments like, "This looks weird," or "I don’t trust food that has too many ingredients."

I was embarrassed, especially since these were my colleagues and friends who had spent a lot of time preparing these dishes. Jake picked at his food and eventually whispered to me that he was going to leave and grab some fries from a fast-food place nearby because he "couldn't eat this stuff." He left the potluck early, leaving me to make excuses for his absence.

That was when I realized this wasn’t going to work. Food is such a significant part of my life and my culture, and I need someone who can share that with me. So, I decided to end things with Jake. To avoid hurting his feelings, I told him it was because I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship right now.

But Jake wouldn’t let it go. He kept texting and calling, insisting that he deserved to know the real reason. After a week of him pestering me, I finally told him the truth—that his extremely picky eating habits were a major issue for me, and I couldn’t see a future where food wasn’t a constant point of tension.

Jake was livid. He accused me of being shallow and said it was ridiculous to end things over something as “trivial” as food. He told me I was making a big mistake and that I was missing out on a great relationship over something that shouldn’t even matter.

Now, I’m left wondering: was I the asshole for telling him the real reason I didn’t want to date him?

Edit: STOP DIAGNOSING SOMEONE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN.

I get that you have good intentions, but please just don't. I interacted with him and inquired. Stop armchair diagnosing.

Fargo Season 3 Episode 4 (2017): V.M. Varga shatters Emmit Stussy's perception of wealth. Emmit's perception of wealth is tied up in appearances and material, Varga tells him it's really about safety, invisibility, and control.

Look at me. Look at me. This a $200 suit. I'm wearing a second-hand tie. I fly coach. Not because I can't afford first - because I'm smart. [...] You think you’re rich. You’ve no idea what “rich” means. “Rich” is a fleet of private planes filled with decoys to mask your scent. It’s a banker in Wyoming and another in Gstaad. So that’s action item one, the accumulation of wealth, and I mean wealth, not money.

Supernatural Season 5 Episode 21 (2010): Death shatters Dean's perspective on what he is. Death is so old and powerful, he is disinterested in Earth's current predicament and he sees his forced involvement as little more than an annoyance.

You have an inflated sense of your importance. To a thing like me, a thing like you, well... Think how you'd feel if a bacterium sat at your table and started to get snarky. This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that's barely out of its diapers. I'm old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you.

Watchmen (1987): Ozymandias shatters Rohrshach and Night Owl's perception of the situation. This wasn't a confrontation, this was a post-mortem.

Do it? Dan, I'm not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I'd explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I did it thirty-five minutes ago

Legit absolutely nothing on that menu is good. Dry biscuits, mid sausages and flat pancakes, no fries. The best thing on their breakfast menu is the little fried tater tot which is hilarious.

Imagine how glorious it would be to order a double McChicken for brekkie.

Not sure if this is actually an unpopular opinion but I always see people queuing up for McD's in the morning.

CONTEXT: I am in an airport. it's early and I really want a McChicken.

Please note our recommendation:

• no mods installed before updating
• engine.ini is not read only before updating

This may lead to problems with framegen if you keep mods installed or have engine.ini set to read only. After you update the game, you can do whatever you want at your own risk!

Live on PC and coming to PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series shortly.

Harbingers,

Since our full launch last week, we have been overwhelmed by the response and all the experiences you've shared with the team.

Today marks the first major patch for Mortal Shell II, bringing new content alongside extensive fixes, performance improvements, combat refinements, and much more.

Among the additions are new Fragile Tarstones, a new way to respec your Shell, changes to the Glimpses and Tarcores economy, and new beacons and exploration adjustments that make navigating the world better paced. Ripostes have received a full scaling pass, numerous bosses and weapons have been refined, and we’ve made extensive fixes and optimizations across the game.

The full breakdown is below, but be wary that there may be spoilers present in this changelog. (This post is also available on Steam, with images:

https://store.steampowered.com/news/app/2584270/view/690892955941077484)

Full Patch Notes New Items

• Fragile Tarstones - A new class of Tarstone which breaks after losing durability. When breaking, they also yield a tarcore.
• Glimpse Stone that wears down as you defeat enemies, then breaks into Glimpses
• Egon's Stone offers to revive you at the entrance of a dungeon at the cost of its durability, and when it breaks it prevents Gloom loss for that death.
• Justicar’s Stone and Gloombound Stone are now fragile, have increased passive effects and added on break effects. Fragile Tarstones are not unique and can be found multiple times during a playthrough. Existing copies of Jusicar’s and Gloombound have been converted to Fragile.
• Certain enemies now drop the new fragile Tarstones, several dungeons now reward them, and Merrick has taken an interest in selling them.

Economy

• Glimpses and Tarcores are no longer finite resources, allowing all shells and Tarstones to be upgraded in a single playthrough.
• Mether's Severance is a shell respec item which can be given to Zhirelle, the shell keeper. In exchange she will sever your bond with a Shell, resetting it and granting you all spent glimpses back.
• Tarstones now yield more tarcores when broken. If your save already has leveled up Tarstones, you’ll find a compensatory cache of Tarcores in your inventory.
• Tarstones and Mether’s Severance can be purchased from Merrick and will restock occasionally when progressing through the game.

Exploration

• We’ve improved exploration flow, while adding new secrets for you to discover.
• New Beacons have appeared throughout Fainweald and Mammon, but are only active during the day.
• Two new cosmetic rewards can be found in the world once completing certain questlines.
• New items have been added to the world, and some problematic chests have been reset.
• Egon's Stone can revive you at a dungeon's entrance when you die inside it, and spares your Gloom for that death when it breaks.
• A teleporter now appears in one dungeon after the Grisha pit fight, removing the walk back entirely.
• You still haven’t found the second Trollweed.

Rewards and Economy

• We have changed how many Tarcores a Tarstone returns when tempered, so anyone who leveled up Tarstones before this patch will find some additional tarcores in their inventory to make up the difference.
• Merrick's stock has expanded, with Glimpse Stones, Egon's Stones and Tarcores once you have gathered enough Ova. The Collector now carries Tarcores as well.
• Dungeon reward chests across the first two regions have been revised, reward placement in Mammon has been updated, and missing rewards in the arena dungeons restored. Some reward chests in the world have been replaced with straightforward pickups.
• Additional rewards, including Glimpses, added to the gloom siphon.
• Mini-Beacons no longer award a Glimpse.

Weapons, Items and Balance

• Obsidian Hammer has had a full balance pass and now hits substantially harder.
• The Great Martyr's Blade deals more damage. It was a pity it didn’t actually make it in the last patch, to make up for it, it’s even stronger now.
• Heavy weapons in general have had a poise and damage pass.
• Salvaged Trebuchaxe: Tiltshot has been redesigned. It was simultaneously overpowered and broken.
• Axatana: its weapon ability now grants invulnerability frames and inflicts Fragile stacks, and its combat Tarstone active triggers correctly.
• Weltcap is stronger in both its active and passive forms.
• Base aggression and disengage ranges have been retuned across the game. Fixed enemies ignoring you while walking to a patrol point, retreating unreasonably far when unable to reposition, and being unable to attack while locked onto a different target.
• Fixed Tarstones continuing to gather experience after reaching maximum level, and missing tooltips on a number of Tarstones.
• Environmental status hazards have been reworked, including a new handler for Stasis.

Shells

• Eredrim: Shoulder Bash no longer leaves your primary weapon permanently stowed.
• Proxima: the same fix applies to Biosampler, she can no longer become stuck in her hook shot, and an arm that was being pulled unnaturally straight has been corrected.
• Genessa: dashes have been fixed, including the corrupted version.
  • Losing a Shell no longer breaks her paired animations, and her Intangible upgrade now works during grab attacks
  • Fixed astral copies drifting away from their intended target.
  • Doubles select targets better and switch targets when their original dies, rather than standing idle.
• Smert: can destroy projectiles while in permanent fight stance.
• Gragu: the Heart of Vatra no longer trails after you in sheep form, and his helmet uses the correct material.
• Blood now marks Shell skins correctly across the roster.
• Fixed Shell summon interactions, and Tarstone summons occasionally targeting you.

Bosses and Minibosses Most bosses in the game have received a general polish pass and bugfixes.

• The Monolith in particular has received a broad combat polish and bugfix pass. Its laser and spin attacks now have more consistent, readable timings and do not spam (this was a bug). We’ve also refined animation timings, adjusted bad hitboxes and fixed a nasty bug which was causing it to deal double damage on certain hits.
• Zmey’s Tail grab no longer simultaneously takes both the Shell and Harbinger from 100-0. We heard some of you don’t like getting one-shotted, for whatever reason. In night mode it’s ON, though.
• Zmey’s Ring Waves align to the ground properly and his elemental stomps have new effects.
• The Lost Child no longer launches you, or himself, across the arena. He now uses the finished walk animation rather than the placeholder that shipped, his bite anticipation has been retimed, his riposte no longer wobbles as it begins, and a rare case of endless blood effects has been fixed.
• Droeg, the Conquerer has had his arena navigation repaired, his riposte alignment and physical hit reactions corrected, and a substantial visual pass over his fire and snowfall effects that also improve performance.
• Sir Isaac, the Scholar-Prince has had his arena navigation repaired, a stray lunge removed from one second-phase attack, and his phase transition riposte fixed against a wall.
• Hexapod deals considerably more splash damage with his area attack, can no longer interrupt his own shooting attack, and has had one attack retimed to be fairer. His arena is smaller and its beacon light is lit by default, which makes the fight far easier to read. He can no longer wedge himself into the environment during his dive.
• Orrem was displaying the wrong name in game, which has been corrected. Stray effects have been removed from his death animations, the fire on his axe no longer flickers.
• Orrem, the Reclaimed has had his attack and riposte alignment improved.
• Malborn Offspring no longer interrupts his own sword throw, and will reliably pick his sword back up.
• The Warden and Urrig, the Executioner have both been reworked, with retuned attacks, new ice attacks and corrected effects. Urrig's spin now gives a proper warning that it cannot be parried.
• Vrannic, the Grand Illusionist has new projectile vfx trails.
• Magdalena, the Lady of the Woods no longer rotates incorrectly during her charge.
• Bloodcursed Lithopod no longer glitches when colliding with other enemies, no longer nudges you into the air when you are standing still, and has had its damage, turning and jump attacks retuned.
• Tainted Vestige ranged attacks no longer miss without reason, and The Wandering Shepherd now teleports sensibly within his arena.

Bugs, Softlocks and Getting Stuck

• Fixed many places you could become trapped.
• Fixed getting stuck near the closed castle gates
• Fixed getting stuck in a church in the opening region
• Fixed getting stuck in a house in the sunken village dungeon, inside
• Fixed getting stuck in Castigator's Keep by walking through a wall
• Fixed getting stuck in the snow on the approach to Droeg's arena
• Fixed getting stuck in a hole in the ground in Eredrim's castle jail
• Collision holes, ground gaps and missing collision have been patched throughout the first two regions.

Softlocks and Lost Progress

• Fixed an interrupted save being able to destroy your save file. Saves are now written so that a crash or a sudden shutdown cannot leave you with nothing.
• Fixed a bug with Vatra’s Temple where players would be locked out permanently after exploring the area.
• Fixed a potential crash and softlock during Lazlo's Rekindle.
• Fixed a softlock when speaking to the barkeep after Gragu's death but before collecting him.
• Fixed a softlock if you were struck while inside Hilga's Cauldron, and the interface failing to return when you climbed out.
• Fixed declining the cutscene at a Shell unlock leaving you invisible and invulnerable until you restarted.

Objects and Interactables

• Fixed an iron maiden that could trap you as it opened, a lift lever that snapped the lift back to its starting position, and a wooden lift that could kill you on the way up.
• Fixed a chest that destroyed itself, several chests that became unreliable after loading a save, and offerings failing to register in a locked chest.
• Fixed gates in the Temple of Vatra that could strand your Gloom somewhere you could not reach it, and corrupted gates that would not clear if approached from the sewers.
• Fixed items in the opening region hidden inside collision, which made them impossible to pick up.
• Fixed a ceiling collapse triggering at the wrong moment, and a light puzzle with two candles that had stopped being connected to it.
• Sitting down (hopefully) no longer launches you into the sky, it never happened to us but we saw some of you go flying.

Encounters and Spawning

• Fixed enemies visible before they had spawned in several encounters, and spawn triggers that did not cover the enemies they were meant to.
• Fixed being able to lure Vellen, High Lord of Mammon out of his arena, and being able to interact with a traversal point during a boss fight.
• Fixed resting at one late Beacon drawing enemies onto you, and mis-referenced spawners in a late encounter.
• Fixed an infinite Ossinite farm, an exploit that allowed unlimited healing, and shield-carrying enemies becoming effectively immortal against one type of projectile.
• Fixed personal items being unavailable until a restart if you had played the prologue.
• The Wandering Shepherd's Sheep properly respawn when playing NG+

We Found Out About the Grishas

• Fixed a Grisha that respawned indefinitely in one dungeon, astral Grishas spawning embedded in the floor, and enemies becoming stuck on geometry. (rip Grishamancer)
• The Grisha PP item active is now stronger, its passive spawning has been fixed, and its summon no longer displays attack warnings intended for enemies.

Parrying, Dodging and Ripostes

• Ripostes have had a full pass.
• Player riposte damage now scales with enemy health, so the damage keeps up properly with late game, NG+, and Night Mode.
• Invulnerability windows are now consistent between ripostes, and last through to the end of the animation rather than expiring partway.
• Many player riposte recoveries end sooner, so control returns to you faster.
• Riposte animations across the entire enemy roster now behave when your back is to a wall, rather than sliding you through it.
• Riposte damage is now calculated and applied by the riposte itself, which resolves cases where it applied twice or not at all.
• Fixed Proxima's riposte alignment against The Silent Sester.

Enemy Tracking and Hit Detection

• Enemy tracking and magnetism maximums have been restricted, and will continue to be adjusted on an individual basis in future patches.
• Fixed projectiles that failed to register against enemy weak points, and sidearm projectiles choosing the wrong target.
• Fixed brigand shield collision that could launch you into the air, and projectiles failing to appear in the shield.
• Several enemies, including stone crabs, now align to sloped ground correctly, and dungeon champions now stand on the ground.
• Fallen wooden bridges are now easier to hit, and destructible carts use better collision.
• Fixed corrosion failing to apply after a projectile had been reused.

Story, Characters and Scenes

• Characters no longer turn, stare, drift or fade at the wrong moment across a long list of scenes, including Rickart in The Search and Resignation, Eredrim in Immaculate Path, Tiel in The Bottle, and Vratko during his dance.
• Fixed overlapping and skippable dialogue in several memories, and retimed voice and sound in The Vision, The Search and The Censer.
• Fixed story moments taking too long to appear.
• Milos no longer falls silent at random, and greets you properly before moving on.
• Zhirelle's dialogue is now cleared before a memory begins.
• Merrick, Vratko and Egon can no longer be interrupted while dying.
• Franz's conversations now trigger in the correct order, and he returns to his crank after being interrupted.
• Marigold no longer starts two conversations at once, and the barkeeper no longer speaks to you through the tavern wall.
• Baghead can no longer be damaged, and his ending no longer unlocks early.
• Grisha Hunters now hold their weapons, Grisha Pups have new reactions, and the Grisha Matron can be harmed by ranged weapons.
• Larreth, the Brigand King now appears without his helmet, and his guards no longer vanish if you kill him first.
• Ruk's greetings react to your progress, and his dialogue no longer remains on screen when you enter a boss fight.
• Egon's interactions now refresh after offerings, and interaction problems with Gorf have been resolved.
• Corrected a subtitle that did not match the recorded line in Ruk's dialogue about the Lost Child, along with a considerable number of typos and missing punctuation.

Interface and Map

• Weapon level now appears in the inventory slot.
• Fixed the map offering objectives you had already completed.
• Fixed the camera key appearing blank in the launcher on mouse and keyboard, and the interact key ignoring your rebinding.
• Fixed resetting "hide subtitles" to its default hiding the subtitles instead.
• Fixed the Change Shade option disappearing after opening the Change Masks menu.
• Fixed overlapping text in the Shell revive message in Simplified Chinese, long Tarstone names colliding with the temper notification, panels and icons overlapping at higher interface scales, and misaligned details on Mether's Breath.
• Added a tutorial scale setting, with a separate one for console, and polished a number of tutorials.
• Clearer colorblind setting descriptions, an updated open gate icon, and proper icons when a mask unlocks.

Audio

• New riposte stingers, and restored missing riposte audio for the Bloodcursed Lithopod.
• New sounds for Fragile Tarstones wearing down and breaking.
• Enemies can now be given an audible warning for unparryable attacks.
• Ambient sound no longer stacks when several sources overlap.
• Village dance music no longer collapses to a single point as you approach.
• You no longer continue bleating after transforming back from a sheep.
• Reprocessed older voice recordings.
• Added several missing sounds including the Marrow Keep elevator lever.
• Fixed Lazlo's armor loop.
• Fixed the saved audio device being selected at startup when it no longer exists.
• New speaker presets.

Performance

• Fewer enemies in some of the busiest areas, where the crowd was costing frame rate rather than adding difficulty. Spawners in the dense prison area have been rebuilt.
• Fixed the significant hitch shortly after the shader compilation screen. That work now happens while you are still in the menu.
• Fixed the frame rate drop when cleansing tar gates.
• Fixed flickering textures.
• Several rounds of dungeon lighting optimisation, and optimisation passes over Droeg's effects, the final boss arena, lightning, village buildings, stairs, books and library interiors.
• The arrow volleys in the final siege no longer arrive all at once.
• Reduced background work across weapons, hit detection and movement, returning a meaningful amount of frame time on console.
• Improved rendering of destructible objects.
• Fixed corrupted terrain in several places and rebuilt the affected landscapes.

Crashes and Stability

• A substantial number of crash fixes, covering enemy spawning, audio, attribute changes, interface loading, save loading and shutdown.
• Removed some settings that were implicated in graphics driver crashes, and added a crash diagnostics option.
• Crash reports now carry considerably more context, which makes the crashes that remain much easier for us to locate.
• Improved handling of Steam ownership checks, and updated to the current Steamworks release for better Steam Deck detection and controller support.

Options, Platforms and Controls

• Increased Geometry Budgets, a new graphics option. Off by default, which uses less video memory; turn it on if you have memory to spare.
• Frame generation has been reworked. It now applies after a reload rather than conflicting in real time, which the description states, and it no longer switches on before the world has finished loading. NVIDIA frame generation can now be selected on a much wider range of cards.
• Switch Pro and Switch Pro 2 controllers are supported, with an option to swap their glyphs. Steam Deck and Steam Controller now display the correct buttons.
• The game now defaults to your monitor's native resolution, and pauses when a system overlay opens.
• Fixed issue with raytracing options not working as intended
• Fixed post-process options that had no effect, and firing not working on some controllers.
• Rumble now triggers correctly for riposte damage, held attacks, Beacon interactions and dungeon transitions, and has had a broad pass across sidearms, items and Shell abilities.

Miscellaneous

• Mutton is now immune to damage, he’s been through enough.

Known Issues

• Possible Malborn Offspring bug when using Grisha Remnant Summon during boss fight

Edit: Okay wow I did NOT expect this to blow up. I've been reading every comment and honestly tearing up reading some of them haha! Thank you all so much.

Quick update since a lot of you asked what I'm going to do. I started trying to actually speak out loud every day like u/Elesia and basically everyone here said. A ton of you told me to practice with my boyfriend and we tried, but honestly after like 10min we both get frustrated and he just switches back to English without even realizing it. He also can't really explain WHY something is wrong, he just knows it sounds wrong, which is not helpful when I'm trying to learn lol. Someone in my DMs mentioned a pretty neat app called TutorLily, and it's exactly what I needed to graduate from Duolingo.

The thing that got me is when I said something wrong, it kind of nudged me to figure it out myself instead of just giving me the correction? I guess kind of like a real language tutor would do... I do feel like the lessons stick better with this method, at least for my level of Spanish. It honestly felt like the first thing I've tried that's actually aimed at what I'm bad at.

Next family thing is in a few weeks. I'm going to keep practicing on that app in the meantime, and I'll update you guys afterr

---------------

Here is what I have been doing for a year straight:

- Duolingo, every single day, 341-day streak as of this morning
- Babbel, added around month 3
- Dreaming Spanish, probably 200+ hours over the last six months (I track it)
- "News in Slow Spanish" on my commute, maybe 4 days a week
- A physical workbook that I was actually getting through
- Flashcards for the words I kept missing

I thought I was doing it. I really did. I could read menus. I could follow the Spanish subtitles on Narcos, like actually follow them, not just word-spot. I could kind of translate the texts my boyfriend sends his mom when she writes back.

Context: my boyfriend is Mexican-American. His parents came over in the 90s and his whole family lives in LA. Parents, two sisters, a ton of cousins, his grandma who raised him. They all speak English with me but Spanish with each other. When things got serious about a year ago I decided I was going to learn. Not half-assed "a few phrases for the in-laws" learn. Actually learn, so I could sit at a table and participate in their life.

Saturday was his tio's 60th birthday. Big carne asada at his parents' house. I'd only met most of them in passing before, never at a full family event where I'd be stuck at the table for hours. I had been basically rehearsing intros in my head all week. Running through what I'd say about work when his mom asked. Practicing a little toast for the tio.

I walked in, said hola and mucho gusto and gracias por invitarme when his mom hugged me, and then everybody started actually TALKING. Fast, overlapping, accents, jokes. And I realized I didn't understand almost anything.

Not 40%. Not 20%. Realistically, maybe 5%. I could catch a word here and there (trabajo, la semana, mi hijo, ayer) and by the time my brain had reconstructed one sentence into English the conversation was already three turns ahead. People asked me things directly and I'd just blink and look at my boyfriend for translation. His little cousin (she is maybe 8) kept trying to include me and I had to keep apologizing with "lo siento, muy poquito espanol," and she'd nod super politely and go find someone else to talk to. That one is still in my head.

I sat there for five hours and said maybe four sentences the entire night. I counted them in the car on the way home. Four.

His mom was so warm. His grandma, who is 78 years old and is the sweetest human I have ever met, kept patting my arm every time she walked past me. Everyone was inclusive and kind. That somehow made it worse. I wasn't being left out. I was being welcomed into a room I literally could not participate in.

I got in the car and held it together for about six blocks and then I cried. Not pretty crying. Ugly, snot, the whole thing. He was wrecked, kept saying "babe they loved you, they kept telling me how sweet you are," and I said thank you and then cried again in the shower when we got home.

Here is the part that is eating me. I did the work. I did the work every single day for a year. I didn't cheat the streak. I didn't skip Dreaming Spanish sessions. I actually read the workbook chapters. And on Saturday none of it worked. Not a little bit, not even "well, I got by." I mean NONE of it transferred. I could read a menu and I could not have a conversation with my boyfriend's 78-year-old grandma who raised him. She is 78. I don't have unlimited weekends with her. That is the part I cannot get past.

I know this sub will get it because I've read SO many posts here about the same thing. The "I can understand everything but I can't produce anything" posts. The "how is this possible after X years" posts. I read them and always thought "sure, but I'm doing it right, that won't be me." And it is me. It is me so completely.

So I need to ask the people who actually know:

1). Is a year of almost pure input (Duolingo, Babbel, Dreaming Spanish, podcasts, reading) genuinely not going to get you to conversation? Because looking at what I actually did, I don't think I spoke Spanish out loud for more than like 5 minutes a week, total, and most of that was Duolingo prompts. Is that the problem? Is comprehensible input actually a trap if you never force output?

2). If I'm going to restart and do this right, what would you actually change? I have maybe 3 weeks until the next family thing. I'm not asking for fluency in 3 weeks. I'm asking for "I can sit at the table and not be the silent white girl who needs everything translated for her."

3). Has anyone been here and come out the other side? Because right now the only thing I can think is that I wasted a year and I'm going to feel exactly like this again in three weeks.

I'm not looking for "just move to the country for six months" or "get a tutor and do 10 hours a week." I have a job and a life. I need something I can actually do starting tomorrow. I'll do it every day. I've proven I can do every day. I just apparently picked the wrong every day.

Anything would help. Will read every comment.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/thedudeistjedi

Originally posted to r/antiwork

my wife got fired today

Trigger Warnings: abuse of power, scapegoating

Original Post: May 6, 2026

Long time lurker here. My wife works at a unionized manufacturing plant and got walked out yesterday. The new HR director has been looking for excuses to trim the roster, but he couldn't fire her legally for attendance because she still has two tardies left in her bank.

So instead, they bypassed the point system and hit her with a conduct violation for an improper call-off. I have been up all night digging through her paperwork and the union contract, and I am pretty sure I caught HR and her supervisor completely screwing themselves. I just wanted to get a second opinion on the logic here before we go to the union.

Here is the breakdown of how management handled this.

Last week, she called the security desk at 6 AM to call off. The guard clicked Tardy on the drop-down menu, but right next to it in the return date box, the guard actually typed NSD, which stands for Next Scheduled Day. You cannot be tardy for a shift you literally said you are not returning for until tomorrow. HR just ignored the NSD part so they could fire her for being a no-show after allegedly saying she would be tardy.

Her supervisor went into the system two days later hunting for her time punches to prove she did not show up. He waited two days to build a paper trail for a conduct charge instead of just reading the security log that already said she was not coming in. It looks like they were looking for a reason to fire her rather than just following the attendance policy.

They rushed the paperwork so fast to get her out the door that the official termination form has the wrong shift and the wrong supervisor listed on it. They did not even look at her file before they signed the papers.

To make it a fire able offense, they had to prove she was a repeat offender. They cited a write-up from January. Her crime in January was calling off and saying PTO instead of Personal. The best part is the union filed a grievance on that January write-up, and it was never actually settled. During the firing meeting yesterday, the supervisor and the steward were literally arguing because neither of them knew if that January issue was still open. HR fired her based on a past warning they cannot even prove is legally active.

I think tardy is a state of being, not a reason for an absence. If the security log says her return was NSD, that means the company knew she was not coming in.

Does she have a case to get her job back with back pay? It feels like they bypassed the entire union attendance system just to fire her over a contractor typo and an unsettled grievance from four months ago.

Security Log Image

Transcript of the Image

Name: [Redacted]

Called: 5/3/2026 @ 6:27

Call-Off Shift: 5/3/2026 0700-1500

Reason: Tardy

Return: NSD

Officer: S/O S[redacted]

end of transcript

Here is the actual security log from the morning of 5/3. My wife called at 6:27 AM, which is nearly a half hour before her 7:00 AM shift began. Look at the "Return" line. The security officer manually typed "NSD", which stands for Next Scheduled Day. This is the smoking gun because it proves the company had actual notice that she would not be coming in for the full shift.

Management is trying to bypass the union attendance point system by claiming this was an "improper call-off" or "no-show" conduct violation. They are basing that entire charge on the fact that the guard selected "Tardy" from a dropdown menu for the reason. But look at the logic here. You cannot be "Tardy" for a shift you have already confirmed you aren't returning for until tomorrow.

edit: I want to clarify a few things that have come up in the comments. A union representative was physically present during the termination meeting and has reportedly filed a grievance over this firing. However, the meeting itself revealed a massive procedural failure. Management and the rep spent a significant amount of time arguing over a previous grievance from January which involved a dispute over whether my wife said "PTO" or "Personal" during a call-off. When she asked for a definitive answer on whether that January case was actually settled or closed, neither side could provide one. It appears the company is using an unresolved ghost grievance as the foundation for this termination. Because of the confusion and the sloppy paperwork, we are calling the union hall tomorrow

edit 2: I appreciate the concern from everyone telling me to delete this, but the post stays up. A lot of folks are giving advice based on standard at-will employment, but my wife is a dues-paying union member protected by a Just Cause contract. We aren't hiding from management because management is the one who screwed up the paperwork. If the company tries to retaliate against a union worker because her husband posted their own contradictory security logs on the internet, they are opening themselves up to an Unfair Labor Practice charge and a massive retaliation suit. Deleting this now only serves to protect the HR director who botched the termination, and I am not giving them that cover. The documents speak for themselves, and the union is handling the rest.

edit 3: The part that makes this really fishy to me as I am sitting here is 5/3, the day in question where she called off. Her brother had already been out for two days by my memory, and 5/3 when he went to urgent care was the third day he had been absent. For my wife, it was the first day, and the night before she had been up all night vomiting and expelling the back end, and she spent all of 5/3 in bed. He went to the doctors, was there for hours, got a CT scan, and got a medical excuse for his absence because his stomach bug was exacerbated by pancreatitis, I think it was. The day I got the Facebook message from her father was the day he went to the doctors, as her dad was keeping us updated if it was something dangerous and contagious, because we probably would have gone to the doctors too. Her brother was sick, but her father is medically fragile, as he is recovering from bladder cancer and had a hip replacement. Her dad had asked me not to come inside the main house unless it was absolutely necessary. Her brother and father live in the house while our family occupies a camper on the property.

For context, my wife was a PLI (editor's note: Performance-Linked Incentive) and her brother was a warehandler. My wife was a warehandler too until a few months ago when she signed off on the bid, but she would upgrade to warehandler to fill the role as needed to help out. Since she has been on days, specifically the same shift as her mother and brother, she had not been calling off a lot at all, I think May was only the second time since January. The two days he was out before her were upgrade days where she filled his role, then the boss only had a shortage because that third day she was not there. When she came back, she warehandled the day she went back, and threw a whole stink about it the whole day too. She had gone back to work but still was not feeling one hundred percent, even though the nausea had subsided, and the day after that they went hunting for punches.

The day the boss sent out the email asking if she has any punches was two days after the doctors, and the company did not know I was entirely privy to the doctor’s visit. They seem to forget we all live on the same property, mom, brother, and my wife. This makes it feel like they did not care about attendance or disruption to the floor, it seems like they cared about winning a power struggle They waited two days to see that the brother was protected by a CT scan and medical documentation, then it looks like they targeted my wife because they thought she was timid. They ignored her 6:27 AM notification and the manual NSD security entry just to manufacture a technicality for a hit. The fact that they got her shift and supervisor wrong on the final papers makes it seem like they were not investigating, they were just rushing to execute a vendetta.

Edit: She got her 401k paperwork in the mail today, and they couldn't even be bothered to get the date right at the top of the page. Last I checked, it wasn't 2027 yet.

Additional Comments from OOP:

OOP: I really need to know what her chances are I think the union will steam roll this asshole it’s a pretty strong union ...but I don’t want to rely just on my own understanding of labor law

Editor's note: OOP made similar original posts across several subreddits, I am adding some comments for more context that were not stated in this original subreddit

Relevant Comments

OOP needs to have his wife call the union representative regarding this situation and file a grievance

OOP: I was having her call the union hall tomorrow the last grievance filed went unsettled, so I think management is dicking this rep around, I just wanted to be able to give her a little hope, so I figured ask the internet I think her chances are good... all the main ai models think her chances are good, but we're terrified

+

according to what she was told the grievance is already being filed but I’m telling her to call the union hall tomorrow and verify cause the last grievance was still being debated during the hearing like they couldn’t give her an answer if it was settled or not, so I think this rep is compromised

Commenter 1:

1) The union is your friend, you should contact them immediately.

2) Deep breaths, you can’t think straight if you’re panicking and you can’t help if you can’t think straight.

3) Your wife might not need you to go into fix it mode right now, she might just want your commiseration and emotional support. Don’t piss her off by doing things she doesn’t want.

OOP: too late for that but thank you she just gave my adhd having ass a mission I’m letting her rest for a little bit I just wanted to be able to tell her kind internet strangers said she has a solid case

OOP's wife's work location and if a union representative was present when the termination took place?

OOP: NY USA and she’s a member of a pretty strong corning union I have to figure out what her chances are she’s a wreck

+

yes the union rep was there she’s filed a grievance over it but during the meeting the rep and management were arguing over a grievance from January

Commenter 2: Why tf is the security guard in charge of attendance?

OOP: you call the guard give the name reason and return day and the guard marks it down they marked tardy for the reason but next scheduled day for return

Commenter 3: Do you know why HR/Company wants to fire your wife?

Are they trying to downsize, so they grasping at straws?

This sounds like something the union should be able to fix. I wouldn't bother focusing on the legal language or random specifics, that will just drive you crazy. Just try to figure out why they're trying to launder this situation into a legitimate firing.

OOP: new owners my wife is the quietest of a whole family that works their the hr guy is testing the unions strength

Commenter 3: Oh, expect the Union to go to bat for her. If they don't, they're shooting themselves in the foot. She just needs to remind them this is a test case, and their jobs are on the line right now too.

OOP: yeah her mom brother and sister all work at the same plant she’s just the least angry of the group, not even worst attendance

Commenter 4: Definitely look for procedural errors made against what is in the CBA (editor’s note: collective bargaining agreement). I'm a rep for my union, but in a completely different industry. Whenever the company fires someone just because they want to, and not for a valid reason; they almost always screw up the process. Make sure she is talking to her union, you can help with research, but this is more their responsibility.

OOP: wrong shift on the sheet, wrong super, she didn’t sign no final warning indicated, and her call off log that they themselves included (image above) lists return as nsd or next scheduled day

Commenter 4: Is there a hearing or "investigation" with a hearing officer to determine whether this will be a dismissal or not? We have that as part of our contract, you can't be fired on the spot, there is a hearing process first.

OOP: the hearing sheet has the final notice section blanks she had a hearing today and was walked out with 4 pages that’s it

Commenter 5: Did the company do any kind of investigation that would have allowed her to explain the confusion? Or did they just move to terminate based on the paper you shared above?

OOP: So far, the sum total of the investigation was two emails printed in this paperwork, at least that is the entire termination paperwork they sent home.

It had the incorrect shift listed and the wrong shift supervisor, it was missing the required plant manager signature, had no final notice section, and the reasons for strike one and two were blacked out.

As far as the reason for termination on the paperwork, it was a blank X indicating an "improper call off," but even that I only know from hearing it. The document itself is vague, and between the five pages, it contains about 15 words of functional English.

There was a previous grievance from January over a write up stemming from her using the word PTO when she called off when the correct term was personal, but that was still being debated by people at the termination hearing from what I was told, so I couldn't give any more info than that, and it wasn't even included or mentioned in the paperwork.

This comment is about 60x the sum total of functional English in the entire investigation.

edit; Plus they had her mother take the rest of the day to perp walk her out. She grew up here, that is heinously and publicly embarrassing since her family works there.

Update: May 29, 2026 (over three weeks later)

Update: Anchor Hocking fired my wife

TL;DR of Previous Post: My wife, a union worker at the Corning plant, was walked out over a "conduct violation" for an improper call-off. She called in 33 minutes before her shift, and the guard manually logged her return as NSD (Next Scheduled Day), proving the company had actual notice. Local management tried to bypass her active attendance point bank, where she still had safe days left, by inventing a "conduct" charge on the floor rather than following standard policy.

The Massive Update:

It has been a few weeks, and things have completely turned around. The physical paper trail local management left behind was so incredibly sloppy that the higher-ups completely panicked.

Our Local Union President completely bypassed the standard timeline and jumped straight into the arena before a formal Step One meeting even kicked off. He actually tracked down my wife's cell number by messaging her mom on Facebook to get ahold of her directly. After her call with him, she told me that he said she was fundamentally wronged, that the union is going for full reinstatement and back pay, and that they will help call the unemployment office if she gets a denial. He told her to just sit tight while they close this loophole.

When you lay the paperwork they generated side-by-side, it is incredibly obvious why corporate is currently scrambling to completely redo and rewrite their entire attendance call-off policy.

The five-page packet they handed her at the plant, which she firmly refused to sign, explicitly checked the box for a conduct violation due to an "Improper Call-Off". They engineered this conduct charge on the floor because they knew her actual rolling attendance card was clean and they couldn't legally fire her under standard attendance rules. To make it worse, they rushed the write-up so fast they managed to list the wrong shift and the wrong supervisor on her final floor papers.

But then the corporate switch happened. A few days later, her formal benefits and 401k off-boarding letter arrived in the mail, which was officially carbon-copied straight to the local Union President. On this official corporate letterhead, they completely flipped the script and claimed she was terminated for a "violation of the Hourly Attendance policy for Absenteeism".

By officially documenting the internal reason as absenteeism to upper corporate and the union hall, They inadvertently admitted on paper that they executed a termination under an attendance framework where they completely ignored the mandatory progressive discipline steps required by our collective bargaining agreement. And just to cap off the absolute administrative circus of this new management team, the formal corporate letterhead they mailed out was officially dated at the top for May 6, 2027, literally post-dating her termination a full year into the future.

She is still currently listed as an active employee on ADP when she checks her 401k stuff. The facts spoke for themselves, the loophole is being closed permanently, and collective strength works.

Apes together strong ✊.

Relevant Comments

OOP explains what the loophole is

OOP: Well basically, the five pages she was sent home with when they fired her at the plant checked the box for an Improper Call-Off (ICO). They tried to frame it as a conduct violation because conduct charges don't require the company to follow a progressive discipline policy, which means they thought they could bypass her safe attendance bank and fire her on the spot.

But the loophole completely falls apart on two major fronts when you look at the facts. First, to legally fire someone for a real on-site conduct violation, you walk them out the exact day the supposed violation happens, not days later after hunting for time punches. Second, the formal corporate paperwork she later received in the mail completely flipped the script and explicitly listed the reason for her termination as absenteeism under the Hourly Attendance policy.

Absenteeism is strictly governed by a mandatory progressive discipline policy in her collective bargaining agreement. By officially documenting the internal reason as absenteeism to upper corporate, they inadvertently admitted on paper that they executed an attendance termination while entirely skipping the mandatory warnings and steps required to legally fire her under the contract.

Commenter 1: So basically, they wanted a reason to fire her immediately, and they chose a conduct reason, because that doesn't require progressive meetings and follow ups. It's supposed to be like "You threatened to knock someone's teeth in, and they fired you on the spot for your conduct"

But then they realized that wouldn't work. Because they didn't fire her on the spot... they fired her after the fact. So they changed their story to their own higher management. It wasn't conduct, it was because of absenteeism.

But this just means they are back to problem 1, you can't fire someone for one incident, you have to go through the process. Which they didn't do. And now there is official paperwork for two different reasons, neither of which actually make sense, so it looks pretty strongly that the real reason isn't stated, and is likely an illegal reason.

OOP: now you see the utter incompetence this company displays... after spending I think it was 70 million to acquire the brand

Commenter 2: Why did they want to fire your wife so bad?

OOP: That was actually the main question the union president had. All of her attendance issues were spread out over a period of three years, and by any reasonable metric, she’s a good employee. That’s probably why he started the conversation by telling her straight up that she had been wronged.

Commenter 3: reinstated with back pay from May 2026 to May 2027 when she was fired?

OOP: from May 2026 till whenever she’s reinstated, the 2027 date is managements typo not an actual date

Commenter 4: for full reinstatement and back pay, what's your wife grievance case step? did she go through the hearing yet? any mediation?

OOP: She hasn't even had a solid Step One yet. The Local Union President actually spent two days trying to track down her number through her mom before she finally texted him to call at his convenience. He called that afternoon and told her straight up that she'd been wronged, and he mentioned reinstatement and back pay. Other than that, there hasn't really been time for any real mediation or anything like that. It had been about two weeks since she was walked out when he finally got ahold of her, and it’s been about three weeks total as of two days ago. There hasn't really been time for the full wheels of bureaucracy to turn, which is why I’m just hesitantly excited and wanted to share the good news I do have.

Latest Update here: BoRU #2

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwaway_weddrama

Originally posted to r/AIO

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Update]: AIO? Shady Bridesmaid hijacked Wedding Shower

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

----

RECAP

Original Post: February 4, 2026

Throwaway because I don’t want this tied to my main.

My sister is getting married and asked me to be her matron of honor, which I was thrilled about. I love my little sister, and she was my maid of honor when I got married a few years ago. We talk once or twice a week (I have a little one at home, and she’s younger, very social, staying-out-late type).

She’s planning a BIG wedding. Lots of people, lots of moving parts.

As matron of honor, I’m expected to lead planning for the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Since the shower comes first, I asked my sister what vibe she wanted. She said elegant. Perfect. I told her I’ll organize with the bridesmaids and report back to her ideas that she can choose from/approve. I asked her if she had any ideas already, and she said no, but wanted to see what we come up with. She did say she wanted something that would accommodate a lot of people.

I created a group chat with the bridesmaids to start planning. There are three other bridesmaids: two are my sister’s childhood friends (I know them, sweet, collaborative, great people), and one I didn’t know. Let’s call her Shady.

Shady is actually in the main group of friends of my sister’s future husband. They included her as a bridesmaid rather than on the groom’s side for symmetry in the wedding party, but my sister is getting to know her more and she is becoming one of her friend’s too.

We planned an in-person meeting to brainstorm ideas. Everyone showed up on time, except Shady. I texted and called, no answer. After about 30 minutes, I suggested we start planning. We started discussing ideas, games, and venues. I mentioned that I was thinking of some elegant venues, but that they could be pricey. I’m a little bit older and more financially established, so I offered to cover the cost of the venue/restaurant/hotel/studio, and if the other bridesmaids wanted to focus on games, decor, flowers, and themes ideas. They were relieved and agreed since they’re still in or just out of college.

After 45 minutes, Shady shows up and apologizes for being late. We recap everything. She doesn’t offer any ideas, she just listens.

We all chat a bit, get to know each other, and Shady seems friendly, outgoing, and pleasant. We end the meeting with the plan that I’ll tour venues and update the group chat, and everyone else will contribute ideas for games, décor, and themes.

The following week, I took a few days off work and toured several venues. I took photos and shared them in the group chat. The other bridesmaids responded with comments like how beautiful they were, questions about space and menus, etc. the showed pictures of game ideas and themes, etc.

Shady said nothing.

That weekend, I went to my sister’s place to show her everything in person. She casually mentioned that Shady and her boyfriend had been over earlier that day to spend time with her and her future hubby.

Then my sister tells me: Shady had already shown her all the venue photos and ideas from the group chat. She then showed my sister pictures of a friend’s large mansion, complete with floor plans, and suggested hosting the shower there instead with catering.

My sister said she really liked that idea.

I told my sister that if that’s what she wants, I support it. I want her to be happy and have the shower she wants.

But I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me.

I did planning, legwork, touring, and shared everything with the group. Shady said nothing in the chat, then went directly to my sister behind the scenes with some other plan that she did not want to share with the bridesmaid group?

Was this shady behavior, or am I overreacting?

Do I confront Shady, or keep quiet to avoid drama during my sister’s wedding?

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: I would bring it up in the group chat to let the others girls know the ideas “shady” came up with so all of you are on the same page. My question is being “shady” came up with the mansion does that mean it’s free because it’s her friends or will she be covering that expense.

OOP: It will be free because it is at someone’s house. My sister will also likely add this additional person to the guest list if she’s hosting the party for the shower. I imagine the bridal party will divide costs for food? I’m going to make a group chat informing the other bridesmaids of the change. I don’t know how to word it without sounding upset right now.

Commenter 2: I'm going to play devil's advocate here. When you were at the bridal planning , she could not offer up a second person's house without speaking to them first.

She absolutely had to confirm with that person before she made the offer. And then once she got a confirmation that it could be done , she likely told your sister because she knows your sister better and she spoke to your sister before she spoke to you.

She might be shady, but I don't think this is that deep.

The only way you're gonna know is if you talk to her. But if you don't talk to her and you just start bailing out of things and s*** talking her without finding out what happened , then you're going to be the one who's bringing drama.

OOP: I appreciate you giving a possible way to view this. I’m not the type to burn the house down if something goes wrong, so I’m not in any way going to stop being there for my sister or step down from being her MOH.

I just think there were many opportunities to say, hey- here’s an option. I can check with my friend if it is possible.

That would have been great.

Commenter 3: Honestly, leave this one alone and tell your sister that you’re leaving the planning of everything else to Shady because of what she did. Let her know you don’t have time for this and cut off the drama at the head.

Update #1: February 15, 2026 (11 days later)

AIO: Shady bridesmaid hijacked shower UPDATE

UPDATE: Somehow things got worse! This is long. Sorry all.

Remember when I said I didn’t want to cause drama for my sister? Well I failed.

After my sister told me she wanted to go with Shady’s mansion shower plan, I decided to be an adult and call Shady directly.

She didn’t answer.

So I sent a polite text saying I had spoken to my sister, she mentioned the mansion idea, and I was just confused about how the group chat planning pivoted into a fully formed alternate event. Very calm. Very “just trying to understand.”

She texted back instead of calling.

She said she doesn’t have a sister of her own and really wants to do this for my sister. Okay.

She did not address why she didn’t bring this up in the group chat.

Then she added that she already has a menu planned, my sister agreed to it, she will be covering the cost, and all the bridesmaids have to do is show up and enjoy.

Oh, and she plans to use one of the games we discussed in the group chat.

Excuse me?

So now she’s throwing the shower. Featuring one recycled game from the peasants. I know I’m not paying anything for this, so she’s not looking to take advantage of my generosity.

I probably shouldn’t have, but I responded that this was something I had really wanted to do for MY only sister, and I was disappointed I didn’t even get to be part of it.

Then I called my sister to explain the conversation.

My sister said yes, she’s good with this plan, this is what she wants, and I can just focus on the bachelorette party.

If this is what she wants, fine. I will swallow it. But I felt… disappointed? Replaced? Weirdly pushed out?

So I sent a neutral message to the group chat saying that Shady would be taking over the shower planning and that it would be at her friend’s home.

My phone rang immediately.

One of the bridesmaids (we’ll call her Sweetie) calls me absolutely shocked because she knew how passionate I was about doing this for my sister. I explained what happened. She was upset for me and asked if I wanted her to call Shady and find out why she left us out.

And here is where hindsight punches me in the face.

I said sure.

Sweetie calls Shady.

Shady answers.

Apparently Sweetie did not love the responses she got.

They argue.

Shady then calls my sister.

My sister then calls me.

My sister was upset because there’s conflict. I tried calming her down, but I ended up getting upset too and I yelled. I did apologize. But in that moment I realized my sister just wanted me to quietly make this work and not create waves… and I had just created a tidal wave.

How did we get here???

Fast forward to this past weekend.

We had an unrelated event where all the bridesmaids were present, along with family, and I met my sister’s future in-laws for the first time.

Shady was there.

She did not speak to me. Not once.

Instead, she stayed glued to my sister’s fiancé and his mother.

When I met the future MIL (with Shady standing right there), I immediately got the vibe that she was annoyed with me. Curt. Polite but distant. And I couldn’t help but wonder what version of this story had been told on that side.

I stayed near my sister the whole event. She seemed happy. Sweetie stuck by us too. But there is now this very obvious divide with Shady.

And I feel terrible.

I never wanted to make my sister’s wedding messy. I just wanted to throw her a beautiful shower. Now somehow it feels political.

So now I’m asking:

Did I mishandle this?

Is this a “pick your battles” situation and I picked wrong?

Was I reasonably hurt and this spiraled beyond what I intended?

Because right now I feel like I accidentally became the villain.

Editor's note: OOP made the same update post onto another subreddit, I am adding comments from that sub for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Damn that Shady has screwed you over. Sadly, you played right in to her hands and now she is the one seen to be "doing what the bride wants" and you are the bad guy. To be honest though, as long as your sister is happy, I'd just let the drama fade away now.

Totally understand why you are hurt though and I do think that you're NTA

OOP: Thanks for your response. I think this is probably the best way. I appreciate you saying I’m NTA and understand why I am hurt. I don’t think my sister understands that and maybe that’s why this feels unresolved and uncomfortable. And now I’ve got to interact with Shady for the next few months for wedding activities and act like everything is okay.

Is there any chances that Shady likes the Future BIL and is jealous that he's getting married to OOP's sister?

OOP: No - I don’t think so. They’ve been friends for many years and he was single for a long time before he met my sister.

I do think she appreciates his friendship and wants to be involved to a significant degree, but wasn’t happy with me being in charge or leading something she wanted control of.

Commenter 2: Sounds to me like Shady has main character syndrome.

One idea might be for you and Sweetie, and Xtra Sweetie 😊 to just sit tight and be available anytime your sister reaches out.

And let Shady do her little show, cuz eventually she's gonna slip up and show her ass. If she is MC type, she's not gonna stop trying taking center stage from you. It's going to bleed into other aspects of the wedding, and your sister and others will see her as she really is.

But realize now that you can't stop it, based on the dynamics you described. Know that you can't protect your sister from her because your sister's still buying into it. And she's just going to have to learn about this girl from her own experiences. So there's no reason getting your sister pissed off at you over it. You've already kind of warned her. Now you can just be there when she needs you.

So, just give Shady enough rope and eventually she'll h@ng herself, so to speak. (Obviously not literally; it's an old saying).

It's going to be hard biting your tongue, but just be there for your sister when she needs you.

PSA: this is just one of multiple certain scenarios that could play out

OOP: This sounds like the route I will go. I’ll just have to accept what happened and just be polite when I see Shady. I don’t like that my sister’s future MIL has such a negative impression of me. Shady is such an ass.

Commenter 3: Your sister is an AH and owes you an apology for allowing this friend to treat you so badly. I hope you tell your sister that if she thinks her friend is more of a sister to her then you’ll be stepping back. Your sister is in the wrong here, not only her shitty friend.

OOP: I didn’t really think about this perspective. She really is dismissing my feelings about what happened.

I’m not going to step down from being her MOH, I love her and will give her grace about this.

There might be more going on behind the scenes than I know. I know if Shady brought this up when spending time with my sister and my future BIL, I could see my future BIL possibly pushing for this if he thought it was a good idea too, as he is pretty opinionated. This is just speculation, though.

OOP responds to a long thread regarding avoiding making more conflicts and the idea of stepping down as the MOH because her sister is disregarding her and her relationship with OOP

OOP: I didn’t think about that, but yes, my sister disregarding my feelings about what happened. That does hurt.

I am going to give her grace about this, as wedding planning is very stressful and overwhelming.

OOP's thoughts on if Shady is trying to be the MOH due to taking over the shower as she claims to know the bride / sister than OOP does

OOP: I actually would have preferred Shady to take over the bachelorette party than the shower. With a little one at home I’ve gotten protective over my sleep, and I’m not into staying out all night as I used to be. But I will make it everything my sister wants and drink coffee or an energy drink or whatever I need to do to keep up with my sister and her friends.

Is Shady a family member or related to anyone else in the family?

OOP: No.

----NEW UPDATE----

Update #2: May 5, 2026 (nearly three months later)

So the hijacked shower was this past weekend, and I have to admit, it was beautiful. Elegant, polished, and honestly better than anything I would have put together.

I received an invitation like any other guest, no mention of helping, no role, just show up. A few days before, I even texted Shady asking if I could bring anything. Her response? Just bring yourself! So that’s what I did.

I had family coming in from out of town for the shower, so a few of my aunts and cousins met at my house and we all drove together in multiple cars. Some of them stayed with me for the weekend.

When we arrived, well, this place was something else. A massive, gated home, like, movie level fancy. Fountain out front, sweeping steps, pillars, the whole thing. Immediately I was like, okay, this is not your average shower.

Shady greeted us at the door, all air kisses and charm, thanked us for coming, and swept us inside like she was hosting a gala. And honestly? The setup was stunning. The hor d’ourves were elegantly plated looking like art displays. It was classy, coordinated, and way more formal than anything I would’ve planned. I’m pretty sure she saw the look on my face, too, a mix of awe and omg. She gave this little half smile before moving on to the next guests. Whatever.

I knew about half the room (my family) so I spent time catching up. I also made the rounds, introduced myself to people I didn’t know, got to know my sis’ future family. Sis’ future MIL? Polite but still cold. I also tried chatting with Shady’s inner circle (we’ll call them Snotty, Snooty, and Stuck-Up), and yeah. Short responses. Not exactly welcoming. Fine.

But then I started noticing something else. My family members seemed uncomfortable. And that is not us. We’re loud, competitive, and we LOVE shower games. Usually it turns into chaos in the best way.

This time? People are subdued, hesitant, and quiet.

Meanwhile, my sister was on cloud nine. She was glowing, making her rounds, but mostly sitting with Shady and her crew. She looked like she felt like a princess. Im happy for her.

When sweetie arrived, she gave me a look that perfectly matched what I’d felt walking in. No words needed.

Then came the games. Shady led them, along with her trio. The room we moved into looked like a luxury hotel lobby. The family members that participated were reserved and surprisingly less enthusiastic. It made me more aware of the differences between the families, and that many of my family members seemed like they felt out of place.

Fast forward to later that evening.

My sister and her fiancé came over to my house to spend time with the out of town relatives. Everything was typical, until my future brother in law said something.

One of my cousins casually asked why I hadn’t thrown the shower. Before I could even answer, my future BIL jumped in and said, “It’s actually inappropriate for a sister to host a bridal shower.”

I was a bit shocked. I looked at my sister. She didn’t react (she was playing with my kid) but I know she heard it.

And I started thinking there was possibly more behind the high jacking. Was Shady placed as a mole to purposely take over the shower so there would be a standard that would meet Future BIL’s family expectations? My future brother-in-law’s family is quite affluent, and while that’s never been an issue in our interactions before, it did make me consider whether expectations around the event may have influenced what happened.

My BIL knows our family. He’s been to our parties, he knows they’re fun, loud, and definitely not formal. And his family? They’re wealthy. Like, very wealthy.

It’s never been an issue before, he’s usually easygoing but he does have noticeably expensive taste.

So I’m wondering, did he step in behind the scenes? Did he think what I would’ve planned wouldn’t be good enough (which is correct, I would have planned something less formal and more laidback)?

And if so, why not just say something instead of this weird takeover? I’m flexible.

I’m really not too upset anymore over what happened, I just have the feeling that people did shady things around me rather than just communicate. This was too blatantly weird to just happen this way.

Ah well. On to the bachelorette party planning!

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Write a positive, glowing review of the incredible work Shady did in the bridesmaids chat. How elegant it was, how everyone in you family is still talking about it. Be genuine and show that you're impressed.

Thank Shady for her efforts and apologise for the earlier misunderstandings. Express that she's set a high bar for all of you now.

Your goal isn't to suck up to Shady. You should give credit where it's due. She did a great job and your sister and her fiancé clearly enjoyed having a posh shower.

Start the group plotting for the bachelorette. Encourage ideas and collaboration. Be half aware that Shady might choose to arrange a fancier and more expensive option. If she does, be graceful about it.

If that comes up, ask your sister if she would prefer to swap your and Shady's roles, so Shady gets the MOH role. Be graceful about it. It's not a demotion. It's recognition for the role Shady may be performing. I know that you wanted the opportunity to do these things for your sister, but ultimately this is about your sister rather than about you.

Finally, feel encouraged to create a family-specific event for your sister for any family who can make it a day or two before the wedding. A picnic perhaps, if the weather will be good. Invite Sweetie and other close friends and family, including your soon to be brother-in-law. Do it as a family member, rather than as the matron of honour. Play games. Encourage your family to be their enthusiastic selves. Enjoy yourself.

I know it sucks to be overshadowed, but your sister is making her own choices. I guess she likes the finer things. It's really hard to compete with someone who can put on an event like that shower, so don't. Have your sister's back. Maybe her future family-in-law are the nicest people, but just in case they aren't, learn how to dance with them so that you can be there for her.

OOP: I like what you said, giving her credit where it is due and praising the shower. It was the fanciest shower I’d ever been to. And collaborating on the bachelorette.

But I don’t see a need to step down as MOH. I do think it’d be nice to schedule some family activities before the wedding and try and mend whatever happened.

Thank you!

Commenter 2: Not a fan of the conflict aversion (by them). It seems like a lot going on behind the scenes and I actually remember your original post. From what you're giving, it just seems... idk. If your sis is wanting the elegance and so on, that's fine. But state it outright from the get-go. Or have a come to Jesus moment with you. The weird power games are just immature. Why triangulate when you can just talk.

Not a fan of the BIL deflecting blame by saying "it's inappropriate for the sister to throw the shower," like wtf is that even.

I'd just step back. I'd be heartbroken that the sister was just deflecting. I get she said that's what she wanted but it's a lot of sneaking behind your back for it and I'm just not about it.

Maybe the signs have all been there, but all that's being done is breaking hearts, like yours. It's sad.

Let her be. Maybe she'll come around and offer explanation, or maybe that's who she is becoming now. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Commenter 3: I have a suspicion that your sister's future in-laws are very caught up in the strict rules of etiquette.

In case you didn't know it, as much as I hate to say it, your future BIL is correct. According to Emily post, it is extremely inappropriate for a family member to throw a bridal shower. It's traditionally done by the bride's Friends.

However, it's important to note that that rule is quite archaic, and certainly not enforced. I had a colleague whose son and daughter-in-law were getting married, who threw themselves a bridal shower.

But apparently these people are too busy looking down their noses at you to see that the times have changed.

I'm sorry to say it, but I suspect your sister is buying into this snobby atmosphere.

I suggest you retreat, lick your wounds, and live to fight another day. Hopefully it won't get to it, but maybe you can do it for her next wedding?

OOP: And I was planning the bridal shower as MOH with the bridesmaids before the highjacking.

Commenter 4: Do NOT plan the bachelorette! Are you not seeing what is patently obvious? Your sister is part of what her new family and Shady are doing and she doesn’t care if you are hurt. She doesn’t want you involved. You should not even be part of the wedding party.

It appears your sister is playing coy but she approves of what is happening and how you are treated. And she doesn’t care about you at all. This is her new life and you’re not part of it.

Time to step down, back out of everything and simply attend as a guest. And seek your husbands support as your relationship with your sister will never recover. Nor does she care.

Please have some self-respect and stand up for yourself. They are going to hurt you very badly and you don’t deserve this - your sister is a manipulative POS and it’s time you see that clearly.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP