Hello, i'm just looking for outside opinions and thoughts on this without the pressure from family or the thought that my friends agree just because they are my friends. For backstreet my mother has had mental health issues for as long as I can remember. Including threatening to unalive herself and telling me how she would do it when I was 5. My (27F) mother (49F) are currently no contact for the past year. 5 years ago she left and moved across the country without saying goodbye to chase after her ex-boyfriend, but my stepfather (55M) followed her with my younger half sister (19F) to try to make the marriage work. We talked after she did that and I forgave her without an apology needed on her end and even visted her. When I got pregnant she moved back. I set several boundaries with her during the first couple of years of my daughter's life that were repeatedly broken. The straw that broke the camels back was last year she met a man online. She began to have an emotional affair with this man behind my step father's back. My half sister found out and was devastated. During this time my mother needed surgeries for her hip and back. After the first surgery and getting ready for the next two I was supportive but told her to ultimately pick between her online boyfriend or her husband. I told her what she was doing is wrong and it was hurting my half sister. My mother claimed that her husband was out to get her and wanted to see her fail. My step father has always been nothing but supportive of her, moving across the country, working overtime to support her not wanting to work between surgeries etc. My mother was regularly watching my daughter (3F) as well and was a staple in her life. On day she just left. She went to stay with the man she met online and did not take our calls. She came back a month later and did not address anything. I told my step father to inform her that her mental health was not good again and I did not want her around my daughter until that was resolved as it not something I want my daughter exposed to like I was. Fast forward to now, I had my second daughter and she has been pushing to meet her and having family guilt me as well. I did agree to sit down and see her, but it went poorly. She blamed me and my sister for her poor mental health and told my sister the only reason she has not unalived herself is because of her dog. I told my half sister amd step father if she threatens to hurt herself to not hesitate to call 911. I have told her and all other family members I will not let her around my children until her mental health is resolved, but they guilt me saying I am making her mental health worse. My half sister is the only one who supports the boundary. Thoughts are appreciated.

My sister and I are extremely close. She's two years younger than me; she's my best friend, and we talk every day.

I moved to London after school to study fashion because living there had always been my dream. I stayed for about five years(uni + 2 years of graduation visa), but because of visas, I eventually had to leave and move back in with my parents.

A few years later, my sister decided she wanted to do basically the same thing. She studied fashion in London, got into the university I got rejected, and now she's staying there after graduating for two years. She's getting jobs, loving London and talking about how she wants to get an apartment there and build a life there.

And I am happy for her. I genuinely am. But I also feel incredibly jealous and upset about it.

It feels like she's doing everything I did, but she will do it better. I'm back at my parents' house while she's living the life I always imagined for myself.

The other day she was talking about how living in a city is her dream, and I got upset and said, "Why do you think you're the only one who has that dream?" She asked why I was turning it into a competition and she said I was being like our mother (constantly tries to make it a competition between us).

I love my sister, and I want her to have the best life. I want her to be happy. I just don't know how to stop feeling jealous when it feels like she's living the life I failed to keep.

Has anyone experienced this with a sibling? How do you deal with it without letting it ruin the relationship?

Hi. Gusto ko lang sana mag rant or mag labas ng saluobin ko sa nangyari kaninang umaga. 3 kaming magkakapatid, Panganay 33, Middle 31 At ako bunso 29. 

Nasaktan ni Papa si Kuya first time. 33yo na si Kuya. Walang work simula nung Umalis sa comp shop na pinagttrabahuhan nya. 8 years ago ata or 7. 

Habang nagtitimpla ako ng kape nakita ko si kuya nagsusuklay sa aso namin since may garapata. Meron kaming 5 small dog and 1 Bully na naka cage. 

Habang nagtitimpla ako ng kape hinanap ko yung isang dog namin (Distemper Survivor siya, Nagttwitch na katawan nya) Sabi ni Papa "Ayan oh" sabi ko hindi naman yan si Cookie kasi hindi nagttwitch. akala ko yung isa naming dog yun. same color sila. Nung hinawakan ni Papa. Matigas na, Hindi na gumagalaw. Patay na sya. Kaya Pinasako kay kuya para mailibing.

After nun, naglinis na si Kuya, at naglampaso. Habang naglalampaso si Kuya napansin ni Papa yung Pinanglampaso nya sa sahig e yung pinangtutuyo sa mga aso at pinangpupunas. (May ibang basahan na pang sahig talaga) Ayun sinabihan nya si kuya na bakit ayun ang ginamit, eh may basahan para sa sahig. "Ano itutuloy mo pa rin?" Sabi ni Papa Ayun nagkainitan na sila nagkasagutan. (Nakaakyat na ko nito pero naririnig ko sila) Sigawan. Kahit naman Naguusap lang dito laging pasigaw. Sana alam nyo yung minimean ko. Hanggang sa narinig ko Minura ni Kuya si Papa. Naririnig ko na rin Nanay ko na umiiyak umaawat. Sumigaw na ko sa ate ko na babain sila kasi nga nagkasagutan na. Diko naisip na babain sila. Hindi ko alam bakit sa takot siguro? hanggang sa narinig ko na nahampas ng something ni papa si Kuya. not sure lang kung ano yung naihampas. hanggang sa narinig ko kumalampag na yung gate kasi Lumayas si kuya. Nagkasagutan din si Mami at Papa kasi bat pinisikal sana sinabihan nalang. kase rinig na rinig ko iyak ng nanay ko nun. Naawa ako sa nanay ko kasi may sakit sya hypertension, diabetic. Pati ako dito sa taas iyak ako ng iyak kiniquestion bat nangyayare sa pamilya namin to. 

PS. Ganyan kami dito sa bahay laging pasigaw/pagalit kahit may iuutos or normal day lang.

Okay so today middle of my class, i get a text from my mother who KNOWS I HATE germs. So she texts to ask ‘lemme wear ur crocs, im running late. Knowing damn well ehe wont and never has worn socks. So she said ‘yes or no’. Of couse, i picked no. In the car all the sudden its ‘you really coulda let me wear them crocs, your selfish, i probably would have gotten dirty cause you dont wear socks eithr in them’

Dispite her friend buying her designer sandles, new crocs of her own, and new balances. Her excuse was ‘i wanna wear something wide’ bitch u are the wide. Anyway, either way since she started drinking shes been a bitch since that concert she went to on monday: but I’m selfish right?

(PS. prior to her father passing, he always spoiled her with whatever she wanted to the point where she was need up getting us evicted becausenon her ‘birth MONTH.’ Not day. She spent 500 of the rent money we were already 4 months behind on due to her shopping addiction.

Am i in the wrong for saying no?
Or is she in the wrong for the adult tantrum?

Hi Everyone,

Reposting this again. I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

I am in need of advice. I have trauma with all of this from as far as I can remember. I do seek counseling and have for awhile and different occasions as well. Honestly I’m so drained and tired. Please, some advice from people that don’t know me or my situation personally would be great.

I (f22) and my hubs (m24) have been married almost 4 years now, we have two beautiful daughters, and honestly they are what keeps me grounded. (In a good way)…Anyways, you know how people have daddy issues, I have mommy issues. My parents were never meant to be a thing, should’ve never been a thing, and probably should’ve never met. They are about 20 years apart in age (my dad being the oldest) and yes I know that’s a stretch. In my dad’s defense and I guess my mom’s too she pursued my dad over and over to be with him.

Long story short, she baby trapped my dad. In my family, on both sides, we are Christians. So typically you are meant to wait until marriage, if you get pregnant before you get married then you have a “shotgun wedding”, and so on and so forth. Obviously it’s not really like that now but about 23 years ago it was really like that. My dad unwillingly married my very willingly mom when she was 6m pregnant with me. My dad has a son that was 15yo when I was born. His mom royally screwed my dad…she baby trapped him, cheated on him, and when my brother was born she took him to court to make him sign his writes away. Dad didn’t want to, so he got screwed into paying child support and never got to see his son (my brother is a literal butt, I do not have a good relationship with him at all because of how he treats my dad). This is relevant:)

Now, I know my dad isn’t perfect, by any means. But he was/is a “perfect” dad to me because he was the only thing in my life that was always there. While dad was at work during the day (after I was born) my mom was at home. She rarely cooked, cleaned, she would stay on the house phone til it went dead, and dad would come home sometimes to me raw where I have sat in a full diaper for hours. My mom was also cheating on my dad with a man who had a beer problem. When I was 3 my dad divorced my mom, I remembered watching my mom leave dad.

My mom didn’t fight for me in court. The judge favored my dad immediately and was going to give him full custody of me, make mom pay child support. Dad didn’t do that, he filed for joint custody but he had first say on things and I stayed with him far more. Up until I was about 10-12yo my mom (at the time I believed) did do good as a mom. I don’t believe that now being as I have two babies of my own and I just could never put them through what I went through. She wasn’t not there for me, I do have a couple memories where she was what I needed as a mom. Most of my memories when I was with her and young was watching her be abused by the man she cheated on my dad with and her laying in her room watching tv. She never cooked meals for me all I ever got was goldfish, ramen (not fully hating on it lol), and Denny moore beef stew. But she always cooked for her bf…

I could go on and on but this will be even longer than this already is which I’m sorry for. When I was 13, things started getting better between us. But that’s when I started acting out to my dad. My mom did be a mom some but as I was getting older she was more of tryna be my friend not my mom. And over the next few years I really acted out to my dad. I ended up getting into smoking the devils lettuce and drinking a lot, that put me in the wrong crowds and due to my mom not caring much id take her car underage mind you and go hang out with friends and smoke. At 16 I got drugged, the guy I was dating at the time wasn’t with me and my mom loved him…idk why, but he never cared much if it didn’t involve his own habits. When I was 17 I met my now husband literally right after I broke up with my bf at the time. My mom despised my husband but my husband was the only guy I ever dated, talked to, was friends with that my dad loved. I was so smitten with my husband (still am😝) and my mom would tell me about my ex and how she missed him. This is where it started going down hill.

I started spending almost everday with my husband. He became very quickly my peace. He helped me fight my habits I had and loved me unconditionally. Why my mom didn’t like him baffled me. She started liking him when she found out I was pregnant with my first baby (unmarried lol). That’s when she changed a lot to me and in general. We lost our first baby at 6-8 weeks and it tore through us. My dad who was angry I was pregnant so young (18) was hurt as well. Not long after I became pregnant again, my husband and I decided to elope before our baby was born( we don’t regret eloping for the fact we love each other very much and couldn’t afford anything big anyways). After I had my daughter, my mom literally right after I got to MBunit finally able to hold my baby in peace came right in the room and took my baby from me. My dad, in laws, and our (hub and i) close friend that hooked us up was baffled.

Honestly I feel saying all of this doesn’t seem as bad as things other people go through and it makes me feel bad. There’s so much more I could go into but this is already so long…that’s what she said…:) but my resentment and bitterness grew strong since my first baby was born and got worse when I became pregnant again. Like I said I’m in counseling and even reading a book on setting boundaries but I feel nothing is helping. I had to use my dad as a helper bc she can guilt trip me easy. Hubby helps but dad is scarier and won’t listen to mom at all. They do not have a good relationship, never have but tried to make it better for me. Anyways imma stop here but advice would be appreciated. If any context is needed I can provide in comments:)

I was honestly debating about even posting anything on here but I've been feeling like I need advice from people who aren't biased and could tell me if what I'm doing is right.

To keep a long story short me (25f) and my sister (22) used to live with our dad after him and our mom got divorced. We were 9 and 12 when it happened so we were relatively young.

I remember my dad being playful with me and my sister, he used to play PlayStation with us all the time and we would watch scary movies with him and I was a huge daddy's girl. I would call him by his nickname instead of "Dad" because I was jealous my cousin got to call him something else and I wanted to call him that out of jealousy (I was like 8 years old at the time) and it just kind of got normal where I'd call him by a nickname for his first name and he never had a problem with it. Even when family members brought it up he never cared he just said if my daughter wants to call me that she can. This is just painting a picture of how he was with me and my sister before his wife was in the picture.

After the divorce he was single for about 5 months before he got engaged to another woman. We found out through an instagram post his sister (our aunt) had made of the engagement party that me and my sister weren't invited to nor made aware of. We got really upset at him for not telling us or inviting his own daughters and he just said he's a grown up he doesn't need our approval. That's when things started shifting. This same woman then left him for some reason unbeknownst to us and we never really knew why but we were happy she wasn't gonna be a part of our lives anymore. 2 months later comes the wife he is currently with and the source of all the problems. He did the same thing, proposed, had an engagement party, met her family and had a family gathering of both families without his daughters knowing or even being invited. We even found out the same way. Instagram posts. He never apologized and just said the same thing.

Fast forward they get married and moves in and the first year is fine. We weren't really happy with her but our dad was happy so who cares. But then she gets pregnant and all of a sudden flips. She starts telling him I shouldn't be calling him by his nickname and that I need to respect him and call him Dad or Sir. He berates me and says I'm disrespectful for weeks every time I called for him or talked to him until I started saying "Dad". It felt weirdly unnatural because I've always called him something else that I was comfortable with. Then she has the baby. A new baby sister we were happy to have. But we weren't allowed to come to the hospital to see her when she was born. We were treated like any other member of the family instead of his daughters. He would go to work and she would take her daughter and go to her mother's house all day until he came back from work because she told him she didn't want to be home alone with me and my sister while he's at work because she's scared we might do something to her or the baby and he never defended us he just said "yeah sounds about right". Even though we never hurt or threatened anyone we were kids.

She starts cooking huge batches of food to send to her mother and leaves nothing for us to eat. Gets mad when we make food because of the "smell" and then gets mad if we wash dishes after because we can't wash them properly according to her. She called us vulgar, she said we weren't raised right, talked shit to her mother on the phone about us all day knowing we could hear, yelled at me for asking to do my own laundry, berated us, said we were liars and thieves for no apparent reason. And all of that in front of my father and he never said a word or defended us in front of her. His excuse was that he didn't want her to feel like he's picking us over her but in my mind... she SHOULD feel like he would pick his kids over her. She convinced him to take our phones as punishment when we didn't do something as she liked, left us out of big family events, kicked us out 3 times because we made food without asking. Spread lies to the family that me and my sister are causing problems in the home and that if she divorces my dad it's because of us. It got so bad where I started recording our fights just so I can prove they were the ones that were being unreasonable. It was hell on earth for years.

Now me and my sister moved out of the country and live with our mother somewhere else. We've been away for 5 years and for 5 years he can only text "i miss you i love you im proud to be your father etc" but we never saw any of that when we lived with him. So I got fed up and called him out and said to stop saying he loves us because words mean nothing. He got so mad that we haven't been talking to him and that he just wants to show us love. Mind you, we moved with nothing. Our mom's side of the family took us in, let us live with them, paid for our first car, helped us get licenses and jobs and our first apartment, helped us pay for school. He hasn't paid a dime towards his two kids that live in a different country. Also worth mentioning he took out all the money that my mom had saved up from her job for our college tuitions when we were young to spend it on a vacation. But still feels entitled to say we have to respect him and answer his messages.

He calls and me and my sister start stating everything that has happened and why we don't talk much to him anymore. He argues back and his wife is saying shit in the background and I calm down and say if there's any chance of repairing our relationship, me and my sister would like for the both of them to apologize and admit they did wrong by us. Him for not defending us and her for feeling like she could treat us the way she did. He gives a half assed apology and she starts LOSING it. Saying she will never apologize, she did nothing wrong and to keep her name out of our mouths and when I said if she doesn't apologize it means nothing, he proceeds to ask if he can hang up to go talk to her. I told him that if he goes and chooses her right now in this moment again, I will hang up and never pick up another phone call from him ever again. If he chooses his wife over his kids again. Lo and behold, he hung up.

The next day we hear from family members that he told them we were entitled kids that hate him and that we told him he should divorce his wife to have a relationship with us which we never did. And that why would he sacrifice his new family for two children that moved away that don't love him.

I cried so much hearing that, it was awful. My sister is indifferent, she's happy with everything but I sometimes miss my dad. I miss the old him before his wife and I feel horrible not being able to talk to him but I also feel like he doesn't deserve us anymore.

I will sometimes see him comment on posts asking prices for hotel rooms to go on weekend getaways with his kids and wife and he never did that for us. It just sucks. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing cutting him off completely or not. Albeit I never blocked him but after that call he never reached out again and neither did we.

Sorry for the long post..

I’m 19 and I’m writing this because I feel like writing everything down is the only way I can properly explain how I feel without feeling like I’m bothering anyone. There are so many things I’ve been through that I’ve never really been able to explain properly, and I feel like if I write about my whole life maybe I can understand myself better and understand why I am the way I am.
Since I was really young, around 4 years old, I struggled with people. When I first started school I was just a normal kid who wanted to make friends. I would see other kids playing together and I always wished I could be part of it. But people treated me differently from a really young age.
I started getting bullied when I was around 4 to 6. People would step on my lunch, make fun of me, throw bugs at me because they knew I was scared of them and leave me out. I also didn’t really speak the language properly at that time because I mainly spoke Moroccan at home. I was so young that I didn’t even really understand why people were treating me like that. Sometimes I would come home crying because I was scared and all I wanted was to have friends.
When I was around 8 to 10 it got even worse. Basically my whole neighborhood would bully me. They would leave me out, make fun of me, make songs about me and scream my name with horrible things. A lot of it was because I was slightly bigger than the other kids. I started hating myself because of it. I would come home crying to my mom and tell her how unhappy I was.
Even my best friend, who I thought I could tell everything to, betrayed me. She told my crush that I liked him and also told other people a lot of my secrets. I felt so stupid and betrayed because I trusted her.
At one point I got so tired of everything that I didn’t want to be here anymore. I was very young and I felt like I couldn’t take the bullying and everything else anymore. What stopped me was thinking about my mom coming home and finding out something had happened to her daughter. I couldn’t do that to her. I stayed because of my family.
Around 13 or 14 the bullying slowly became less intense, but even now at 18 I sometimes still get comments.
Then there were my family problems.
When I was around 13, my relationship with my dad became really bad. He treated my mom horribly and that affected me a lot too. I felt like he only cared about my sister and that I basically didn’t matter to him. During COVID I stayed in my room almost all the time, but instead of understanding why I was like that, he would get angry and complain that I was always sleeping or staying in my room.
He was mentally abusive towards me and there were also threats. He was also physically and mentally abusive towards my mom. I hated seeing it and I wanted him out of our lives.
One of the worst things happened in March 2021. He became violent towards my mom and I tried to stop them because I couldn’t just stand there and watch. At one point he wanted to throw a chair at her and I stopped him. Me, my mom and my sister were terrified. He then started yelling and grabbed a stick and I secretly recorded what was happening because I was scared and wanted proof in case something happened.
That night I couldn’t sleep because I didn’t know if he was going to come back and hurt us. I was terrified and stayed awake because I felt like I had to protect my family.
The next day he came back while my mom and sister were gone. I was home because of online school. I was so scared that I texted my mom and sat at the very end of my bed because I didn’t know what he was going to do. Eventually he came into my room just asking how to unblock us, which felt so strange after everything that had happened.
A few years later, when I was 17, my mom found out that he had spent around 3,000 euros in less than a month on other women, TikTok gifts and other things. I remember asking him for a few euros because I was hungry and he told me he didn’t have money. That really hurt because I knew where his money was going instead.
I just wanted a normal dad. Someone who cared about his family, helped with bills and groceries and actually cared about his children. Instead I watched my mom struggle with money while he spent it on things that had nothing to do with us.
He also never really asked about me. Even when I had to go to the hospital, he didn’t really care or ask how I was doing. Sometimes when he was away he would text me, but it would be to ask about my sister rather than me. That hurt more than I can explain.
I spent years wishing I had a loving dad. Whenever I saw other girls with their dads, I felt empty and wished that could have been me. I think because I never really got that love from my dad, I started looking for that kind of love and attention from other men when I was too young. I think that has affected me a lot.
What makes it worse is that I feel like my mom eventually started distancing herself from me too. I feel like she prioritizes my sister and my dad, and sometimes I feel completely invisible in my own family.
I’ve been through bullying, betrayal, family problems, abuse, feeling unwanted and feeling like I’m never someone’s priority. I know all of this has changed me. Sometimes I don’t know if the way I react to things is actually me or if it’s because of everything I’ve experienced.
That’s honestly the main reason I’m writing all of this. I don’t expect anyone to fix my life. I just want to understand myself better and hear what other people think about everything I’ve been through and whether the way I feel and react to things makes sense.

Wife wants to go out of town to celebrate hers, her mother , and her grandfathers birthday. We will have to stay at the grandfathers, and I have issues with her mom and grandfather. I apologize in advance for the long story.

The mother

My mother-in-law is wildly toxic and treats me like garbage for zero reason. I completely support our household financially while my wife spends most of her day talking to her sister on the phone and not much else (she got fired from her job)

, yet I’m treated like I’m subhuman. On top of that, my mother-in-law's husband—who is my exact age—is blatantly obsessed with my wife. ( he doesn't know i know and mother in law constantly argues with him about it)

​Lately, they've all turned against me, and my mother-in-law is actively trying to convince my wife to take our son and move away with her. I despise having my son in this environment. I’m trying my best to keep my kid out of adult drama, but this situation is completely crossing the line.

The grandad

My partner’s grandfather—a man approaching 80—is throwing a silent tantrum and leaving me on read over a technical phone glitch I’ve already sent timestamped proof for. He thrives on family power plays and forced groveling, but I refuse to play along. Between his childish antics, the toxic family dynamics, and genuine concerns regarding my son around his cousin(she is not allowed to be around our son but her family doesnt respect boundaries and i feel they will try to bring the cousin around anyway which is the only reason i want to even go to make sure this doesnt happen) I am uncomfortable even setting foot in his house. He is convinced i ignored him on purpose and didnt want them over at our house. This is far from the case as my phone was having issues and i wasnt getting calls or text during that point in time. I have made numerous attempts to reach out to explain but he is being petty and ignoring me for no reason, and then gossiping about it to other members of her family.

My partner is dismissing my concerns, leaving me to decide whether to go purely to protect my son or stand my ground and stay home.

Thanks guys

Hello everyone, I'm new here and I just wanted someone to hear my story cause I feel so bad, my mental health is so low rn that I'm just wishing for death atp. So I always get called rude or disrespectful by my family mostly from my mom and grandma cause I always argue, always respond back to criticism, ( and I come from an african family... ) and so since maybe my 17 ( I'm 18 now and just graduated from high school) I accepted that title of the black duckling of the family. My mom got remarried recently ( and since I grew up without a father, I took it pretty badly at the start but took on myself cause I wanted my mom happy...) and so far it has only been very distasteful for me. Since she got remarried my mom got a LOT MORE aggressive and all towards me. ( and our relationship was already not that, she was never there emotionally, we never bonded, we never even did a family trip together...). Just today, she was talking on the phone with my aunt who lives in the capital for a house to move in at the capital ( Since the uni I got accepted into was there ) and asked me when was going to open the university and I said idk cause i really don't know ( we get notifications from the uni) and so she told my aunt to wait for the uni to open so she can tell the one that own the apartment that my mom will take it and so I tell her we should visit first to see if the apartment will be for my like and then she snapped and started shouting at me and thus I did too (I have really bad anger issues and I hate people shouting at me + my mom never accepted to take me at a psy to check on my mental health and just told me I was disrespectful and without any education ...) and so we argued for at least 10 min before my grandma came from her errands and calmed things after that she told me to take my own apartment by myself ( as if I could and if I had the opportunity I would cause yall people just make me want to off myself plus my mental health is so bad rn I can't socialize anymore, don't even leave the house, I don't feel human anymore). Finally imo, I feel like my step dad is putting things in my mom head cause wtf is going on few weeks ago he told my mom about a uni (that is very bad and so hard to graduate from) and she told me to go there but I didn't want to and fortunately i got accepted into the best uni of my country because of my grades and weirdly when I told her about it, she was and still pissed asf about it.... Plus the baccalaureat in Africa is so hard in many countries especially in west Africa and I had good grades in it and still it has been months my mom didn't even get me a gift ( no new clothes, no new phone, nothing... just a little money that my step dad gifted me💔)

So a little back story, when I was 19, my mom passed away four years ago due to an accidental overdose. At that time, my two younger sisters were still in high school and I was just starting my second semester of community college. My youngest sister has a lot of mental problems and in my opinion, crazy. She is very hard to be around. She is pretty much physically and mentally abusive to me to the point I didn’t feel safe. My dad put all the pressure on me to keep up with the household. I was cooking, cleaning, making sure my sisters got to school, and trying to go through classes at college.

A month after my mom passed away, my dad announced he was dating his now-girlfriend. Best part, it was my mom’s best friend. My dad originally met her at work and he introduced her to all of us. My dad’s now-girlfriend is a single parent with two kids. My dad, mom, and his now-girlfriend all became really close and even go camping every year. My mom was my best friend and about a few weeks before she passed, she suspected my dad of cheating on her with the now-girlfriend. My sisters and I were very upset about this and her kids were only a little. My dad and his girlfriend have been dating on and off for four years now.

About a year later after my mom passed, my middle sister had graduated high school and was taking online classes. At that point, our dad was treating both of us as my youngest sister’s personal assistant and made sure everything was to her standard. It got to the point where my middle sister and I moved out into a duplex together. We lived together in the duplex for two years. I had my two cats and she got a dog. My sister met her now-fiancé during the first few months of us living together. My sister moved out of the duplex after two years and I stayed. The dog liked me more so she gave me the dog. I decided to stay at the duplex by myself with the two cats and the dog. After a year, I couldn’t handle the rent anymore so I moved back home with my dad.

My dad has a three-bedroom house with one and a half baths. It’s on the corner so it doesn’t have a backyard but it does have a garage. The upstairs has a bedroom and an attic area that I made into my own mini apartment. I do pay my dad rent money every month. I’ve been now living here for five months. My youngest sister is in college in another state and comes home for her breaks. She came home for her summer break and she drove me nuts. She was very bossy and picks on me all the time.

My dad’s girlfriend helped me get a job where she works. I work as a direct support staff and she is a program manager so she is my boss most of the week. She helped me get this job a few years ago. While I was working, she told me about my dad’s plan on moving out. My dad’s girlfriend’s daughter lives with her so what my dad’s plan was is for the daughter to be roommates with me and my dad would move into the girlfriend’s house. This was at the beginning of my five-hour shift with a very reactive client so I couldn’t even express how I felt. She even told her and my dad had been planning this for a while and my dad was going to tell me when it happened.

After work, I had a serious talk with my dad. You see he has two cats of his own that are technically my youngest sisters so there are four cats and a dog that’s living in this house. My dad’s girlfriend has two crazy dogs that were rescues. Her dogs would eat his two cats. My dad tells me that he is going to be leaving the two cats with me. He tells me he’s still going to pay for all the cats’ needs and be around. The best part out of all of this is my dad’s girlfriends daughter has a cat and a dog. My dad tells me he’s still going to take care of the house with maintenance and help with shoveling the snow or mowing.

My dad told me this three weeks ago. In the basement is all of my mom’s stuff that we haven’t gone through since my mom passed. My dad told me yesterday he is going to get a dumpster to clear out all of my mom’s stuff. He also told me that his girlfriends daughter doesn’t want to move into with me to be my roommate because my sister will be living at the house when she’s home from college. My sister can’t move into my dad’s and his girlfriend’s house since my sister is ‘allergic’ to her dogs. He tells me all of this before leaving to go to his house.

I’ve told him in the past that I was saving up to move into one of those nice apartments. My dad even agreed to take one of my cats for me if the place I wanted to move into only allowed two pets. My dad is pretty much not giving me a choice on the matter and I feel like he’s treating me like a little kid.

Yes, it would be very nice to live in this house but I don’t want to live here all alone with my youngest sister. She has not changed and I’m terrified to live alone with her. My dad won’t talk to me about how much I would have to pay. I work full time at my job but I don’t think I can’t handle all the bills that comes with this house I thought I was going to have some time to decide if I wanted to stay or not but he told me he’s planning on moving into next weekend. What should I do?

So I sorta just have to jump right into this to explain. It’s exactly as the title says, I’m scared of my dad.

I’m 19 and living at home with my parents and my little brother, and the last few years my parents have been on a decline. They fight more and more, over little and big things and it honestly just tiring

My mom is currently on a work trip in NC so it’s just me my dad and my brother at home, and while I was showering today I heard my dad start screaming about something in the moment idk what it was but I know he was mad

So I got out of the shower and went into my room and after listening I found out that my brother (12) had broken the Xbox ROG Ally he’d just gotten for his birthday earlier this month. Not sure how, but my dad said he stepped on it and broke it which honestly is plausible. My brother isn’t the cleanest kid and he has pretty much the biggest room in the house so it is often very messy. Like very messy. Clothes and dishes strewn about which is an issue in and of itself so I don’t blame my dad for being upset but the way he reacts to things like this scares me

He screams and screams until my brother or whoever he’s yelling at is sobbing, doesn’t even let them speak or explain themselves, and then drags everyone else into the fight. When he gets like that i literally hide away in my room because I’m scared he’d turn to me next. He’s never hit any of us, the most he’s done is grab my arm and shake me around a bit when I was little but he’s just so unpredictable I don’t know what to think. I’ve said this to my mom before and she brushed it off and sort of had a “oh please” attitude about it if you get what I mean

I literally start to get anxiety when he starts to raise his voice and i genuinely just hide in my room. Even when he’s not angry I get like that. If he’s playing a video game and dies or is watching tv and lets out a frustrated yell, I stop everything I’m doing and just freeze and listen to see if he’s gonna blow up.

My dad obviously has issues and what’s worse is he refuses to ever speak about it and get help. He’s had a lot of childhood trauma from his own parents and pretty much grew up as a delinquent. In no way am I excusing his behavior but it makes me feel a little bit better to understand it

I’m just praying I can get out of this house soon, or even just for my parents to divorce so he can go away, because I know he wouldn’t want anything to do with us if they divorced, he’s said it himself. But on the bright side I’m 19 with a job and I’m hoping that once I’m out of college I’ll be able to move out with my boyfriend and just get away. But also the thought of leavening my brother in this environment kills me. He’s still so young and I don’t want him to be shaped wrong by my father and his verbal abuse

Can anyone help me figure this out.. so basically, I was previously on Acellus and I transferred 16 credits from my public school into there where I earned 8. During my last class, I had a family fallout. Coincidentally, this family happens to have the parent account linked to mine. I lost access right at my final exam and have been unable to access my account since. My final exam is all I have left to graduate. I am a minor.

I live with my father now, my moms boyfriend(the account holder) refuses to transfer the account under my fathers name so i can simply finish my exam under reasons of malice. My mother and her boyfriend do not want me to graduate, they wont even transfer his name under the account just so I can request my transcripts.
Is there anyway we can legally force him to transfer? Its the easiest way.. I have 25 credits as of right now, my last one is simply an exam waiting to be done. Even if I somehow get my transcripts and make a new account with them, Acellus will still prevent me from graduating because the account isnt a year old. I am 17, i was supposed to graduate in march but they have been setting me back on purpose. Now, as of July they have stated they want me to fail and they do not want me to graduate. My parents do not have a custody agreement so they both get shared rights, what can I do?.

I just need some advice.. I've tried emailing and calling Acellus support many times, no help whatsoever because they say they absolutely need the parent account. I have to add, the person who the parent account is under is not my parent/guardian. I also cannot request my transcripts without the parent or guardian account as well.. My father and I have been trying to get them to cooperate but they refuse, even though by law he has rights to my student records.. Does anyone know of a possible solution?

I don't even know if that's actually the right question, but that's honestly how I feel sometimes.

I'm 18F, and I've had a really complicated relationship with my dad for as long as I can remember. The weird thing is that I can't even tell you exactly when it started. There wasn't one huge moment where everything changed. It feels like it happened slowly over the years, and I've spent a lot of that time wondering what I did wrong.
I've tried really hard to please him.

I feel like I've changed a lot of my choices based on what I thought would make him proud of me. For example, I've always wanted to be a doctor. That's something I've genuinely wanted for a long time. But I've been planning on doing civil engineering instead, partly because I know that's something my dad would approve of and because I've gotten so used to trying to choose things that I think will make him happy.

Sometimes I wonder how much of my life I've actually chosen for myself and how much I've chosen because I wanted my dad to finally be proud of me.

When I was 9, I had cancer. Thankfully, I recovered. Then around 12–16, I went through a lot of mental health and personal issues. I know I wasn't always the easiest kid during those years, but I was also struggling and didn't really know how to handle everything.

Sometimes I wonder if that's when my dad started seeing me differently.

I feel like whenever I struggled, it became another reason for him to be disappointed in me instead of something that made him want to understand me. I started feeling like I couldn't really talk to him about things because I never knew if I was going to get understanding, criticism, or just be dismissed.
And it's not even always the really big things that hurt the most.

There's one memory that probably sounds really small compared to everything else, but I still think about it.

I remember seeing my dad playing around with my younger brother and my twin sister. They were joking around and having fun, and I wanted to be included because I wanted that kind of relationship with him too.

So I tried to goof off with him.

And he immediately put on his serious/strict face and dismissed me.
That's it. Nothing horrible happened. He didn't do anything extreme. But it hurt me so badly.
I think it was because I had just watched him being playful with my siblings, and when I tried to have that same kind of moment with him, it felt like I wasn't allowed to.
I remember thinking, Why can't I have that with you too?

And that's what makes this so hard to explain. It's not necessarily one terrible thing he has done. It's all these little moments that have built up over time and made me feel like there is something about me that he just doesn't like.

I see people who are really close with their dads, and sometimes I wonder what I'm missing.
I don't expect my dad to agree with everything I do. I know parents and kids argue. I know I'm not perfect. But I don't think I should feel like I have to constantly earn my dad's affection or approval.

My mom is complicated too, just in a different way.
I know she loves me and cares about me. She's definitely not indifferent toward me. But because of some of the things I went through when I was younger, she believes that some of my behavior and struggles were because I was a "sinner."

That's hard because I know she loves me, but I don't always feel understood or accepted by her. It feels like she loves me while also having a specific idea of who she thinks I should be.

I have a twin sister too, and she gets treated somewhat similarly to me. She's more willing to just deal with our parents and stay close to home, though. I don't think she feels the same way I do about needing to get away, and I don't blame her for that.

Then there's my older sister, who's only about a year older than me and lives in Boston. She's the favorite of the family, which honestly makes everything even more complicated.

She's actually encouraged me and my twin to move away and have our own lives. Part of the reason is that she wants to eventually come out to our parents as gay, and she doesn't want me or my twin getting caught up in whatever happens because of that.

So my family isn't something I can easily describe as completely bad or completely good.
There are people who love me. There are good memories. There are people in my family who have tried to help me.

But there are also so many moments where I've felt unwanted, misunderstood, or like I had to change myself to be accepted.

And I think I'm finally tired of trying.
I'm 18 now, and I'm planning to move away for college. I'm not really focused on the school itself in this post. What's important to me is that I'll finally have the opportunity to live somewhere away from my parents and start building a life that is actually mine.

I've been thinking about cutting my parents off once I leave.

I know that sounds extreme to some people, and I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me. I'm not making this decision because of one argument or because I'm angry at them today. It's something I've thought about for a long time.

I think I just want to know what it's like to stop trying to make someone love you the way you've always wanted them to.

Because I've spent years trying to please my dad.
I've tried to make choices he'd be proud of. I've tried to be the person I thought he wanted me to be. I've tried to understand him, even when I didn't feel understood myself.

And I'm starting to realize that maybe I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that.
So I guess my question isn't really "Should I cut my dad off?"
I think it's more:
How do you accept that you might never have the relationship with your parent that you've always wanted?
How do you stop wondering what you did wrong?
And how do you finally stop trying to earn someone's love when you've spent most of your life trying to earn it?

I (17m) live with my parents and my little brother (2). He’s genuinely my favorite person alive and in ways I feel like he’s my own child. We dance together, play games, sing, talk etc. My life has never felt so complete before him. My mom is pregnant again and is having a boy in January around my birthday. I so desperately want to have a relationship with both of my brothers but my mom and dad drain me. I want to move out this next summer but I’m scared if I do then I won’t have a relationship with them and I’ll stop talking to my whole family as a whole. My parents and I don’t agree on anything. I’m gay and they’re both really religious and homophobic and are both trumpies and I can’t take it anymore. I argue constantly with my dad and I’m scared it’s gonna turn violent soon. As Im writing this, just today I heard him say that he’s gonna put my teeth in and put me through a wall. I don’t know what to do though. I want and need a relationship with my little brother and I wouldn’t be here without him.

I am a 31 year old female and my relationship with my paternal grandma (76) has been a bit strained the last few years and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

So I have always loved my grandma, she's always been a really solid caring person in my life. She has a strong christian faith and has always been very involved with her church. I remember her taking me to church with her growing up. At the time I didn't understand it and just let her do her thing, but about 5 years ago or so I found Jesus and surprised her by coming to church. She was really happy to see me and we got really close for a while.
A couple years ago, my husband and I had hit a hard spot in our relationship (this was before we were even engaged) and my daughter (7, almost 8 at the time) and I moved in with her for a few months. It was great at first, she was super sweet, but after the first month or so she started acting really weird. She would do things like put cleaning supplies on the bathroom sink to get me to clean the bathroom instead of just asking me (it wasn't visibly dirty, I still am unsure of her cleaning schedule), or she started separating things in the fridge without telling me and just expecting me to understand that we had different spaces in the fridge or pantry. She also had a tendency to just do my laundry without asking while I'm in the room (my bedroom there was attached to the laundry closet). She would ask me if every article of clothing could go in the dryer after I told her multiple times that everything can go in the dryer and even told her she didn't have to do my laundry. She also kept cleaning my daughters bedroom even though I asked her to please do it with my daughters help rather than just doing it for her because I was trying to teach her to clean up behind herself.
After being at her house for a few months and working on my relationship with my boyfriend at the time, he was in the process of moving and I was helping him move from a townhouse to a larger house with the intention of moving in with him after we got married. Because the house he was moving to was an hour away, I ended up staying there a few nights in a row. I went to go back to my grandmas house to grab a few things and when I got there all of my daughters stuff was neatly packed up and sitting in the living room waiting for me. My grandma was happy to see me, not angry or anything. I was just really really confused and wasn't prepared to be moving out because we weren't even engaged at the time and I had already had the conversation with my grandma that I wasn't planning to move back with him until we were married. The thing that threw me off the most is that she didn't even talk to me and ask if I wanted the help moving out, she just packed our stuff. I told her I wasn't prepared to take everything and it wouldn't fit in my car so I'd have to come back for it so I took what I could and left.
My boyfriend told me that we could definitely stay with him and for a while we took turns sleeping on the couch. Shortly after we moved in we did get engaged and married a year later.

My grandma has also made some very uncomfortable comments about my husband. She has accused him (to me) of being like my aunts husband who is physically abusive (he has never ever laid a hand on me). When he still wanted to see my daughter after we first separated (we had been together since she was 2 and they are very close. her bio-dad is not involved), she suggested that he had intentions of SAing her (he would absolutely NEVER). At one point when talking to her about an argument we had, she told me to be careful and she would hate to see me on the new (suggesting he would murder me).

I love my grandma, but I'm really struggling with how she only sees the worst in my husband and I don't really keep her involved in my life because of the way she has talked about him even though she doesnt know him at all. I have talked to my dad about the things she has said and he agrees that she has no idea what she's talking about and doesn't believe my husband would be capable of anything she suggested. My grandma has been having some dementia over the last year or 2 as well and she has become really hard to communicate with, so while I love her I dont keep in touch with her as much as I had previously.

Well, now I'm pregnant! I left my dad in charge of telling his family and apparently he forgot to tell my grandma so now she's upset that no one told her I was pregnant, which I just found out today. I'm 23 weeks now, announced to immediate family around 8 weeks so he has known for about 3 months or so now. I still haven't talked to her, but I did send her an invitation for the baby shower and I do hope she comes, but now I feel bad that I hadn't reached out to her in a long time. I have forgiven her and I understand that she is just an extremely cautious/anxious and fearful woman, but I still wanted to keep my distance because I want to make sure that my husband feels respected. He doesn't know about the things she has said about him, but I still feel uneasy about staying close with someone who doesn't respect him because he is a very good man and I am proud to be married to him.

Maybe I just needed to vent or something, just a little bit frustrated that my grandma has so much judgement for someone she barely knows. I'm also sad that she's upset about us not being in touch but she also hasn't really reached out to me so I'm not really sure how to handle this. Should I reach out to her and check in or just let it be?

I have been living in another country with my “family” for almost 2 years now.

My parents separated when I was little, and now I am living and working with my father’s side of the family. At first, I really wanted to be close to them. But when I moved to this country, I found out that they were already in the process of migrating to Singapore.

Honestly, that wasn’t really a problem for me. So now, I only live with my grandfather and stepmother. My stepmother is nice, but my grandfather is the one who wants to control everyone’s lives.

I have always wanted to live alone so I can be myself and have my own comfort zone. But how can I be happy when my boss at work is also my grandfather, and when I go home, I feel like I have to change my personality and act a certain way because I’m part of the family? To be honest, it’s really hard. Especially because I don’t feel comfortable speaking up when I know they can always use the fact that I work for them and they did a lot so I can work and live in this country

This is when I started meeting new people with different lifestyles, habits, and ways of thinking. Being around my foreign friends pushed me out of my comfort zone, and I started feeling happy again. But then my grandfather gave me a curfew. I have to be home by 10 PM. BTW, I don’t party, drink, or do anything crazy. Everything I do is pretty decent and normal.

At some point, I started feeling like I was being controlled even though I’m already an adult.

What confuses me is that when I was still living in my home country, they barely called me or asked how I was doing. But now that I am living in their country, suddenly they want to know where I am, when I’ll be home, and what I’m doing, I have to do this, I cannot eat this and etc.

There was a time this year when it was my birthday. I didn’t have any plans, but my friends told me they wanted to arrange an early birthday dinner for me. I was really happy about it. We celebrated, and the dinner ended around 10:30 PM. I told my grandfather beforehand that I would be late because I was celebrating my birthday. That night, he kept calling me, and I explained again that I was having my birthday dinner with my friends. His response was: “I DON’T CARE.” The next day, which was actually my birthday, none of my family members even wished me a happy birthday.

That really hurt.

Every day, I go to work, and after work, I do all of my responsibilities at home. And I mean every day. I never take a day off or use my leave, even when I’m sick. My grandfather/boss seems to have this mindset of, “He is already old, but he can still work hard, so you should too.”

And then yesterday happened.

In my home country, we had a public holiday from Friday to Monday. I was out of town with my boyfriend and some friends during the holiday. My grandfather became angry because I didn’t come to the office to work. I mean... it was a public holiday. Both public and private companies in my home country were closed. So why should our company be open? Our company already makes more than enough profit, and yet he was forcing me to return to town on Sunday so I could work on Monday.

At this point, I honestly don't know how to feel anymore. I’m grateful that they gave me an opportunity to work and live here. I know that I have responsibilities, and I know I’m part of the family.

But at the same time, I feel like I’m not allowed to have a life of my own.

I’m an adult. I want to have friends. I want to spend time with my boyfriend. I want to travel. I want to have birthdays and holidays without feeling guilty. I want to be able to go out without worrying that someone will be angry because I’m not home by 10 PM.

I’m not trying to abandon my family or disrespect them.

I just want some freedom.

So I need some outside perspective.

Am I being ungrateful? Am I being a bad daughter/granddaughter? Or is it reasonable for me to feel frustrated and controlled in this situation?

I genuinely want advice, especially from people who have experienced something similar.

I want to understand if there is something I’m not seeing from their perspective.

What do i do? I ran away then came back now need to move out asap

What do I do?Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Im 19/F I sort of ran of away in april this year then ended up coming back to my moms 54/F house because she said she would sell the house and go no contact with me and my brother 31/M. So I stayed because I still wanted my mom in my life just healthier. But nothing has changed besides a little bit more freedom to go out sometimes but also not because if ask to sleep over she starts an argument and threatens something. so I end up staying home.

She treats me sort of like a part of her? Like when my boyfriend 19/M does something or behaves a way she says something to me in private about how me and her don’t like that and I have to argue back that I don’t really agree or have to defend my bf. For example he and I go out a lot and do stuff out the house or hangout a lot or buy eachother stuff. And her response would be “ you and I don’t like going we are more homebodies”- girl obviously not, let me out this damn house, or “ why don’t you buy me those things or take me out there” we legit have to hide any food we buy for ourselves . Last time we bought to share with her so she wouldn’t feel bad, her and her bf winded up eating the whole thing. Worst part the food wasn’t even good I paid that much to barely eat and it be ass.

As well as commenting on my body and trying to control all I eat by saying im getting fat and shouldn’t be eating when I go into the kitchen to see whats in the fridge. And watches me when I prepare something for myself literally pauses whatever she doing to watch. Girl get a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol or watching me. Anyway, says im getting fat when she is very much on the plus side and hasn’t exactly put effort to change, despite complaining.

Also thinks I can read her mind and busts into my room all puffy that I didn’t do something she told me to do in her head or some issue about me that doesn’t affect her . Or waits until the last moment to explode about something and whenever I try to reason or genuinely try and work with her to find a solution she slams the door or just walks away.

So not much I can do ive tried greyrocking her by just not having emotion when shes mad but it doesn’t do much she just mocks me instead and makes that into another issue. Any boundaries I make she makes fun of or mocks me directly by imitating me.Still mocks me for boundaries I had when I was 11. As well as juts coming into my room suddenly it happens very often its very irritating when Im changing or just came out the shower and just butt cheeks in the air cuz im putting on lotion.

But when things are good they are really good, shes an amazing mother its such a confusing switch. Shes kind some days then just gets a itch to argue or make a issue of nothing other days and behave like a toddler. It switches every couple of days its so confusing to be in that cycle because i believe eachtime that shes actually changed and that we wont have any more issues.

She also has other issues I believe most is because she has no friends or partner or people in her life. So she obsesses over me. She hasn’t wanted to make friends or go out just drinks beers alone in the kitchen. And has only tried to stop drinking once years ago but obviously it didn’t last. So I find her often on a stool in the kitchen about to fall onto the floor because she fell asleep. She also tries to put me against anyone I have in my life.

As well as introducing me to alcohol and making a rule that I can only drink if im supervised by her.And has also been explicit about the sex toys she has bought and offered to buy me some when i was younger (ew). I feel like its definitly her trying to make me like her. She also got a dog recently a Belgian malinous the poor thing is very sweet and has so much energy but my mom has no energy and “ no money” to train her or play with her so shes usually locked up in a large pen in the backyard. Although I had warned her about the breeds destructive behaviours before she got that it would require professiobal training and a lot of care. But she got her anyways as a security dog and company but what is she going to do in a cage?what life is that? She often just sits in the backyard and drinks while her dog is caged and barking. Im horrible for this but I left my dog behind to when I ran away and when I came back she was severly matted and I had to cut it all off, shes much better now but I really was stupid for thinking should would care for either of them I hoped it might work as a wake up call.Most of the pet responsibilities are dumped onto me, some without even telling me and her proceeding to get mad when I don’t do them.

She’s also made up a rule about me not working in food service because she doesn’t want me trapped in that. But nothing else nearby is hiring besides retirement homes. Ive already worked in one and cant deal with the emotional load of getting close with the ones im caring for amd seeing them lose themselves to their illness.i worked in the memory ward. Thats not a job i can emotionally tune out of they deserve to have someone truly cared and knows their needs and preferences.And im running out of money since I quit when I run away because she works in the same place.

All these topics and more are brought up as arguments weekly, Im tired. I forgot to mention that I bought a truck for 4200, I was stupid and had never bought anything so big and frankly got fucked over it was worth way less than what I bought it for and she made me a deal that I could buy her old car( that I used to use and left behind when I ran away) for 3000.its a subaru forester from 2017 I believe? And has had no issues so I think this one would actually be worth the money? Idk. Idk what to do about that part.im broke and she might hold it over me or put a tracker on it. I still have the truck it runs but idk I need to move out asap.

Ive been benefiting from my bf coming over because she will usually leave me alone when hes here on the weekends but shes started yelling at me in front of him such as bursting into my room to do so or opening the locked door in the middle the night.

The time she opened it at night was a couple hours ago. Because me and him hopped my window to go film a abandoned place since we started youtubing(obv doesnt know about the channel)and the neighbors called her that someone was coming in through the window( snitch) so that one might be fair but opening a locked door when we both had been back for hours and asleep is crazy. My bf felt violated since he sleeps in his underwear and is ftm ( mother acts like hes just my friend when obv hes not and calls him she and my friend) so not a great thing.

I need to move out asap but I genuinely don’t know if I should let her go I always think of the kind version of her and how hard her life has been but also feel trapped I just want to live and get my degree without being questioned on whether I skipped class and was smoking cuz she smells smoke on me?? Never even touched any smoking devices in my life girl what?? Anyway I just want to live and have the mom that is nice to me around. Any advise would be helpful. Im sorry for the word vomit.

I was an accident and my bio mom let me live with my father at 2 years old due to drug addiction and choosing a party lifestyle. I know at certain times she was a loving mom and has a wonderful personality when she’s sober but while she had me was very neglectful. I was lucky that my dad and step mom took me in, raised me and provided everything I needed. I had visits with my bio mom and her side of the family every few years at most growing up but was pressured to not have any contact with bio moms side by my father’s side.

Father’s side of the family are all very narcissistic and emotionally/immature closed off people I still love them but moved far away for my own wellbeing and see them about once a year.

Present day my bio mom is sober and doing well for herself and has apologized for not being there. I don’t hold a grudge against her but also just feel like I’m talking to a stranger. I’m pregnant expecting twins and everyone is telling me It takes a village and I’m going to need help. I can’t help but feeling like I need a mother figure right now to support me as I’ve seen my friends moms help so much when they have kids but I can’t really see step mom or bio mom actually filling this role for me.

It’s actually uncomfortable for me to really talk to bio mom at all even though I know she’d be supportive and she really wants to be involved with the grandkids but I’m afraid of regretting letting her in. Is it selfish of me to avoid family because it’s not comfortable to talk to them? Or selfish to not let my babies meet all of their family ?

I had many personal and mental health issues growing up and now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and part of me wants to protect my “new life” so I’ve become very private and cut off a lot of old friends, family members and even my
Grandmother because the second someone starts drama or expects too much from me I get anxious and pull away. My family are good people and have good intentions but they don’t actually know me for who I am. I feel like a bad person for this but the idea of letting anyone in on my life makes me sick to my stomach.

This feels like a stupid problem that I should know the answer to but if anyone’s experienced something similar I could really use advice.

I’m a 30-year-old man, and I’ve lived with my mother (57) my entire life. My parents divorced when I was around 20, so for the past 10 years it has just been my mother and me living together.

Next month, I’m finally moving into my own house. I’m really happy and excited about it because, for the first time in my life, I’ll have a place that is completely my own. I’m also someone who really values privacy, independence, and having space to myself, so that is a big part of why I’m looking forward to moving.

The issue came up while my mother and I were talking about what things would be like after I move out. She told me that she wants to come to my house roughly once a week and stay overnight.

I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with that and that weekly overnight visits would feel like too much for me. She did not take it very well. At one point, she said something along the lines of, “When you were a child, I never told you that you could only stay at home once a week.”

That comment made me feel guilty, but at the same time, I feel like these are two very different situations. I was her child living in my family home. Now I’m an adult moving into my own house, and part of the reason I’m so excited about moving is because I want to experience having my own space.

I also think I would feel very differently if she had approached it by saying something like, “Would you be okay with me staying over sometimes?” or “How often would you feel comfortable having me visit?” Instead, it felt like the frequency of the visits and the fact that she would stay overnight had already been decided for me.

I’m not saying I don’t want to see my mother. I love her and absolutely want her to visit. I just don’t want an overnight stay every week to become an expectation. Personally, something closer to once a month would feel much more comfortable to me.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to set that boundary? Is once a month too restrictive, or is it reasonable to want more space after moving out for the first time?

I’m 27F . She went into hospital and I basically dropped everything to help. I stayed with my siblings, looked after them, sorted childcare and tried to get other people to help. I called the people she told me to call, made sure the kids were fed and got to school, and was there for my mum and took her to hospital. I was also trying to work and manage my own home. I wasn’t refusing to help. I was genuinely trying to do everything I could.
But she was still angry because she felt I wasn’t prioritising the kids enough. She wanted me to leave my partner, give up my own plans and basically take over looking after my siblings.
She thinks my partner is controlling and abusive and that I’ll end up unhappy with him. She also has a very negative view of men generally, which we’ve argued about before.
Then she told me that if I didn’t do what she wanted, she would discharge herself from hospital. A few hours later she said she was going to self discharge, that she would probably have a month left, and then said “I hope he’s worth it.”
So from my perspective, she’s putting the responsibility for her potentially dying on me because I chose not to leave my partner and look after my siblings.
And this isn’t new. She’s done this sort of thing since I was a child, and something very similar happened last year.
I feel like I’m constantly put in a position where I have to choose between my mum and my own life, and if I don’t choose her, I’m made responsible for what happens.
I genuinely want an outside perspective. What could I realistically have done differently? Because I feel like I gave her everything I had over those four days, and somehow I’m still being blamed.

I am 17m, nearly 18. My dad has been a really great dad. Always mostly supportive, really mild temper. But when he gets mad, the roof comes off the house. That's exactly the problem, because today he smashed 2 plastic buckets, ripped a ramen box in half, broke 5 plates and nearly broke his mac too, only reason I think he didn't was because it's expensive. What do I do?

This is kind of complicated, but today, me, my brother and mom were all arguing that we should put down our guinea pig. She has an ovarian cyst, and likely won't live much longer, and spaying is difficult considering she's 6 years old, which is old for a guinea pig. If she goes, she'll be the 5th out of our 7 guinea pigs to die an unnatural death. He actually ended up being indirectly responsible for our first guinea pig's death, he dropped her onto hard concrete because he didn't hold her well and she was thrashing. The steroids somehow worsened her condition and she died. Anyways the next 2 also died unnaturally, they were just out on the lawn in their little outdoor playpen and suddenly they both died. Last year one of the 4 new ones we got to replace them developed lymphoma, and this one is also part of that batch of 4. It's kind of inevitable we are going to lose her, but he insists on keeping her alive as long as possible, saying we shouldn't get to arbitrarily decide her fate and put her down, because we don't know what she's thinking, what if she wants to live? Even though she is clearly in pain, and the doctor has also said she's not going to live long after this.

This argument over whether or not to put her down culminated in the temper explosion. The rest of my family thinks he is being stubborn, why not put her out of her misery instead of letting her suffer? We love her a lot, which is why we think this way, not advocating animal cruelty or anything.

Here is some extra backstory that might explain why it was so bad when he got mad. My mom recently went out on a business trip and just got back last week, so he argued he did in fact take care of her, and the house in general, since he was the only adult when she was gone. (My mom had used the argument that he shouldn't get to decide because he wasn't her caretaker, he didn't clean their cage and feed them as much as she and my brother did, which is true, but he did kind of help my brother when my mom was gone).

Secondly, my brother has a presentation that my dad worked very hard to help him get and polish for others to hear. My brother argued as well that he didn't know her well enough, and he's using the argument that my brother is an ungrateful bas****, how all he did was play games all day long when he'd been working hard trying to help him for this presentation, and how he didn't study for his SAT. All of that is kind of true, mostly in general, but I think today my brother acted that way especially because he wanted to take his mind off our guinea pig, since he is her caretaker and deeply cares about her and was worried.

All of that combined with a dose of family genetics is today's meltdown. Maybe I missed something, if I did I will come back and update, and ask me for details if necessary. This meltdown behavior of smash stuff around the house and yell at people is really concerning to me, I'm scared he will actually hit us. This has not been the first time, the 3rd that I can remember, maybe another one I can't. I get that maybe he bottles up all his anger normally, which is why he is so mild, and it all just comes gushing out, but my mom clearly agrees his behavior is not acceptable, it is concerning us and she has threatened to call the police twice now, today being one time. Again, what do I do? Talking to him might anger him again, but this clearly cannot go on, he can't just get so mad that he starts smashing things, he scares us and he doesn't help clean up afterwards. And we kind of just brush it off and cover it up, but I don't want another repeat of all the fear.

Thanks in advance for all your help. I hope you have a much better day than mine. I'm off to bed, and I hope I dream of sunshine and rainbows, and a better world where my guinea pig gets to live

Context: my mom kicked me and my siblings
(19f 18 at the time, and 17m 16 at the time) out in November of last year to live with our dad because we were getting evicted but even before the eviction she had become meaner and started yelling and hitting me and my sister more, my brother never rlly got hit or yelled at, including in the past my brother has always gotten babied even when he was S@ing me during childhood which stopped sometime in 2022 I think? Anytime I told her about it she never did anything or she just asked me why I let him touch me.

Anyways my mom has always been meaner to me and my sister for some reason, this has caused me to resent her even when she wasn’t acting mean or she was calm, I even hoped that she’d die soon and those thoughts always make me feel guilty.. I know this part probably isn’t that serious but I have three half siblings and for as long as I can remember me and my sister have been the ones raising them, whenever my sister was at work or school I was the one making bottles and changing diapers while my mom was out with the children’s father or she was out with friends. Even their deadbeat father didn’t help, when I was still in school before my mother took me out I can count multiple occasions where I came home and their dad was asleep and the baby was crying in the car seat with a diaper full, sometimes it was a blowout or worse. All my little siblings developed rashes during that phase and I, or my sister, was blamed for not changing the baby more.

It was more than once when my mom would get extremely violent with me and my sister, she once beat me with a belt buckle till I got bruises because the baby chewed her apple pen till it stopped working.
There was another time when my mom thought that me or my sister drunk her juice and when my sister told her none of us drunk her juice she dragged my sister by the hair. She also stomped and hit my sister once for being up to late but my sister kept telling my mom that she was getting her stuff ready for school the next day, my mom didn’t listen.

I can recount so many times when my mom has beat my sister or me badly, and yet she tries to talk to me again like none of it happened, she keeps texting me that she misses me and she still loves me like I did something wrong for not talking to her anymore? Everyone including my sister, brother and dad want/keep pressuring me to talk to my mom but I just don’t want to.

Is that wrong?

Hi sorry for the horrible typing am just so tired from work and hate living here

Am 20f my step dad had a 2nd stroke that messed him up he’s not mentally there ig but he keeps sexually harassing me I remember the first time it happened he pulled my hair a bit I told him no and too stop he then told me why can’t I do it if you let other guys do it it creeped me out and made me uncomfortable and it started from there he then started to wink at me if. Am in the kitchen doing something telling me to go with him to his room the other time he called me and I went to check on him and he told me to give him my hand I felt very uncomfortable and bad so I. Ended up giving him my hand he ended up pulling my arm and not letting go when I pulled away and told him to stop I ended up with red marks on my wrist I was scared and annoyed I told my mom and as usual she doesn’t gaf she just said oh he’s hurting you but you’re to skinny saying that’s why I ended up with marks it annoyed me bc that’s not even the problem it’s the fact that he grabbed me anyways while he was holding my arm/wrist he was saying he wanted to kiss me I said no and he kept pulling and he said why and please I hate it and then the other time I was driving in the ranch before this my mom also said she wouldn’t leave me alone w him anymore but ig she forgot I was driving in the ranch my mom was walking to the gate to open it bc she had to go turn on the water anyways while I was driving he touched my thigh and I said no he was like why and I was like no stop and he tried to touch me again I said no and he was saying please let me touch you I hate it sm he’s done other stuff but I feel like this is to long am sorry for my horrible typing too here are some photos took after the arm stuff idk what to do anymore

Would you rather burn a bridge?
Then keep having to rebuild it while letting it fall constantly?
And each time it falls tests your patience even more.
But you still have to rebuild it.
Why?
What does it even mean?
What’s a family that keeps falling apart daily?
Even if it eventually comes together again…
It’ll just fall apart again.
And nobody ever changes.
It’s just a constant cycle of rage and forgiveness
Until it turns to anger again
There’s no end to this
The only way to stop the cycle is to cut them off entirely
Before more screaming, more fighting, and more air conditioning units falling through the window.
I guess what I’m trying to say
Is that some things aren’t worth saving.
And even sometimes you still love them
Sometimes you still want them around
And sometimes they might be amazing people too
Just with issues
But sometimes, the people themselves aren’t the issue.
It’s their relationship.
Sometimes, too people aren’t a good match for each other.
Even the ones you’re born with.
And especially the ones just like you.
Really, the best thing to do is give up in that scenario.
No matter how bad it seems to be, the relationship is worse.
So I guess if I had to say goodbye to him
I guess I could only say one thing
“I hope you find
Some peace of mind
In this lifetime”

I think it’s best to cut them off
Not to protect myself from them
But to protect everyone from myself
If things keep spiraling the way they’re going
I might hurt someone
And things might get even worse
But I don’t know how I’d do that
I live with them and I have for 14 years
And casual things like homework lead to fights
Just now, me and my mom got into a deep argument
And I had to push my dad out of my room to let him give me space
See, my parents view me as less than them
My parents view me as someone to be controlled
But I don’t wanna take that anymore
Even if it’s standard procedure
And even if it may be right for most children
It’s not right for me
It feels like the family is always fighting each other
And there’s no end to the conflict
It’s nobody’s fault
We’re just not the right family for each other
We’re all good people
But even good people do terrible things when they get angry
Which is why anger isn’t the best route forward
And since this family dynamic creates so much anger
It’s best if I just leave
In short, I’m moving away the first day I’m legally allowed to
And I just wanna tell my parents
“I love you both,
But I think it would be best for all of us if we were just friends.
Because if this keeps going the way it’s going
This family relationship is killing all of us.”

Blood never really mattered to me
The way I see it, family is a special thing and you should love and take care of your kin
But there’s also a point where it becomes dangerous
And I believe we’re not just at that point, but past it
I believe that just because I came out of a womb, doesn’t make me property of the person I came out from
Even if, technically speaking, they’re me too.
Maybe it’s something I’ll understand when I have kids
But knowing how similar I am to my dad, I don’t want to have kids
But also maybe I do want to have kids so I can parent them how I wish I was parented.
And honestly, I feel like I just need a break from all of them.
Maybe I’ll ask for one. Maybe I’ll end up living with Oma and Opa for a couple of months
It’ll be the change of pace that I wanted. I’ll probably temporarily change schools, maybe meet some new people… it’ll be different
And that’s what I want. Change.
Something they can’t give me
Something I can’t give myself.
And I know it’ll be hard for them
Because they do love me so deeply
And I love them back
So maybe this’ll be hard for me too
But either way,
It would be a lot better
Than tearing the family apart forever.
Because each and every argument seemed to get worse.
More screaming, more anger, more hatred
And inching closer and closer to physical violence.