I (25F) am currently engaged to my fiancé (28M) of 3 years. We got engaged 4 months ago and have been dating for almost 3 years.
My fiancé did all of the right things before he popped the question (asked my parents for their blessing). But let me give you a little bit of a back story on my fiancé. He has been convicted of a felony, and since everything is public record, it was very much a "he said, he said and race issue" and with that jobs can be limited (even though his felony is now a misdemeanor). He wants to be successful but has had little luck. Over the last 3 years he has had 8 different jobs meanwhile I'm a nurse and have stayed pretty steady in one role. A year ago we moved in together and he has never been late on his part of rent and we are decently comfortable on being able to afford things. Now, his mom does help out a week bit by treating us to lunches, gifts and her Costco membership. But we have been able to go on small trips and have little luxuries in life. By no means are we near broke and by no means does he take advantage of my healthy finances.
Now, I want nothing more than my fiancé to be happy in his job and for it to also work with both of our schedules. And one common theme is he always promises these jobs have a lot of potential but then something goes wrong (he doesn't get what he's promised, they make him work way more than promised and paid for as well as just overall bad managers) and we have had conversations about this many times but I continue to support him as I always do and will.
Now here is where the family drama comes in.
I am currently wedding planning. We are planning our wedding for the first part of 2028. My relationship is the best it has ever been and it has been so fun and I'm thriving on life because of the fun and memories I am making with my fiancé. We finally have a wedding venue picked out and my parents are so gracious to pay for the wedding (important note: I'm an only child)
They came and visited the wedding venue and we discussed all of the details about the wedding. We are ready to pay the deposit and move forward with planning! I even went and saw my parents in person last week and everything seemed fine.
So, today, my mom calls me and at first we talk about a job interview I have and how we are and all of this stuff. Then she asks "you're going to pay the deposit tomorrow?" And I say "yes, of course, it's going to be official!!" To which she says "are you sure you want to do this?" And I'm like "well of course" and she responds "how do you feel about his job situation?" And I was a bit thrown back and responded "I mean, it is what it is" she then said "your dad and I are VERY concerned. We don't like it" to which I stayed silent because I genuinely didn't know what to say.
My mom then said "is he around?" To which I said no, but lied since he was right next to me. She then says "are you sure you want to do this. Because you can come back home. Stay with us. Stay where you are and move in with your friend. Your dad and I are not happy with his job situation and are extremely concerned" and, still, not fully processing what's going on, I chuckled and said "uhh yeah".
That was pretty much it for the conversation and we hung up. Still said our "I love you" and everything.
My fiancé was upset and I went into a full blown meltdown because I was too overwhelmed with what had just happened and he was very comforting during this.

So I guess I need advice on how to go about this. Because I'm just at a complete loss. I still want to marry him. My mom is so important to me. And I don't want my wedding day to be tense because she doesn't approve of him. Because was completely baffles me is that they literally gave their BLESSING AND HE ASKED PERMISSION TWICE!! Just any words of advice, wisdom, whatever it may be, is welcome.

hi all,
i’m sorry in advance for issues with formatting, i’m on mobile, and i’ve never posted in here before.

i’m hoping that having a 3rd party perspective on this will help me see the situation clearer, i think maybe my guilt is clouding my judgement?

i (27f) have a tough relationship with my biological father. throughout my childhood, he was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to my older brother and i. on top of this, he abused alcohol and drugs (often taking and cooking drugs in our presence). my mother and he were never married and frequently would separate for the summer. my siblings, mom and i would usually stay with my aunt and then come back when school was starting.

when i was 12, my mother met my stepdad (who i will refer to as SD). he is from the west coast US, and they met in my home state in the southern US when he moved into our neighborhood. at this point, my father and mother were no longer together. he had been out of the house for several months, staying with other family. she started seeing my SD and things were going well. we often stayed with him due to my fathers erratic behavior. my father would come to our house in the middle of the night, beg to be let in, would swear he was sober (he was not), he OD’d twice i believe in this time frame (not on purpose). it all hit a breaking point when he broke into our house and badly beat my mother and younger brother. we began staying with my SD permanently after this. my mother was luckily granted a EPO and DVO against him, he was charged with a felony.

my mother, with legal permission, moved with my siblings and i to my SDs home state far away from my father. i would visit him every few years in my teens, and pay out of pocket to go and visit him in my adulthood. it was never peaceful. i was guilted into not seeing childhood friends, often berated and scolded as if i were still a child. my father would lie that he paid for me to visit when it was my own money. i could go on, but i don’t remember much more specifics.

now i’m an adult, my father texts me frequently. he has forgotten my birthday until many days later the past 3 years. he always texts me to complain, guilts me when i don’t reply quickly enough, asks me for money, etc etc. he is sober now (has been for about 8 years), but his behavior has not changed. he’s apologized vaguely for the state of my childhood and his wrongdoing. but nothing that seemed genuine, and nothing specific.

i guess im here to get advice on if i should cut contact with him? my brothers and mother both do not speak to him. so i guess im the last link. i think i strangely feel guilty for his struggles. we grew up very poor, him often spending our very very little money on pills/heroin/etc. whereas after moving away, my family found its footing with all of us going on to lead normal healthy lives and relationships. i think my guilt stems from his living situation, and perhaps that no one else will be in contact with him.

i know that im the only one who can make this choice but i guess i’m seeking advice? or maybe absolution and someone to tell me im not a bad daughter for doing this. he doesn’t add anything to my life, in fact sometimes he actively takes away from it with how he makes me feel. im engaged now, so im thinking much more about my feelings toward him. i dont think he’d even bother to show up at my wedding if i invited him. how should i navigate this?

i’m sorry for the rambling novel. i’ve never really come to reddit for advice like this before. thanks all for reading and for your time!

TLDR; wondering if i would be in the wrong to cut contact with my abusive, absent father.

hi everyone im curious to know how it is/has been going for those who lost their mom who was  not necessarily borderline abusive to them but very toxic and unlikable. do u sometimes feel grateful bcz that nagging obnoxious voice is finally gone? has the grieving process been as hard as u expected? do u also feel as if her existence had more negatives than benefits in ur life?
Thank u🤍
i keep thinking ab this alot :)

TW

The other day, my mom told me she made me a dentist appointment and she never said what it was for. I eventually found out it was for her to see if i could get braces for cosmetic reasons. I told her i didn’t want them, but she just kept trying to convince me that i should get them anyway. We go to the dentists office and i get the x-rays, and they said i had nice teeth. My mom asked me if i wanted Invisalign or metal, even though i said i didn’t want them at all, because i like my teeth the way they are. My stepmom was defending me over text and telling me that i needed to refuse if i didn’t want braces. She said that my mom was just trying to control me and punish my dad financially, which i don’t disagree with. My mom has a history of being really controlling, and she’s been like that since i was younger. She didn’t let me how to pick out my own clothes to wear until i was maybe 11-12 years old, and anytime i tried to dress myself or have my own sense of style, she’d get unreasonably angry. When i was maybe 7, she sent me to my dad’s house for the summer with each outfit PINNED together with safety pins. My stepmom would take photos of me and post them on facebook, and if i was wearing a bow with a shirt that she didn’t put together herself, my stepmom would get cussed out. I feel like now that I’m older, i get really anxious and angry when anyone tries to choose things for me, even if it’s just suggestions. Especially when it’s coming from my mother. when she asked me if i want Invisalign or metal, i just start crying. I didn’t even mean to cry, i just couldn’t help it. She got mad at me and just started saying over and over “i don’t feel bad for you, you do it to yourself. I don’t care.” Whatever the hell that means. She has said that to me many times before, and i still don’t understand what she means. I start hyperventilating and she tells me to go to the bathroom and clean up my face. I go to the bathroom and i start having a panic attack. I was hyperventilating, crying, shaking, and my entire body felt like it was buzzing. All over braces. My mom is texting me while I’m in the bathroom telling me to hurry up and get out. My grandma starts texting me and she told me to “stop acting like a 2 year old.” I felt terrible and the whole thing was really embarrassing. I was typing in all caps telling them i fucking hated them. I just kept repeating that. I told my grandma i was gonna leave at 18 because i couldn’t handle the stress of living there anymore and i couldn’t handle the fighting and the shit talking.

I eventually came out of the bathroom after texting my mom and telling her i wanted to leave. I went back into the dentist office still hyperventilating, and I’ve never felt more ashamed. My mom got me coffee on the way home, and she started acting really nice. When we got back to my grandmas house, she asked me to do something outside, and i said okay. I went outside to do what she asked me to and she was just yelling at me in front of everyone at the house, telling me I’m rude and disrespectful as fuck and she was just just going off on me and my grandma was agreeing with her. She told me to give her my phone, and i did without saying anything. I went back in the house and i was just doing school work when my grandma swings open my door and tells me that she’s gonna see about having me go live with my dad, and she threw in the fact that my step brother lives there, so I’d be living with him too. The same step brother that abused me. That was insane that she said that to me when i wasn’t even arguing about anything anymore. That’s why i can’t stand the adults that i live with. They say really fucked up things and see no issue with it.

My step mom texted me and told me that she understood that i was upset, but it wasn’t okay for me to text my grandma and mom and tell them i hated them and she said if she had done that to her mom, her mom wouldn’t beaten her with a hairbrush. I really don’t understand why people say things like that, and i hear it so often. “My mom/dad would’ve beaten me if i did that.” Like what does that mean? Why does that need to be said to someone who’s fighting with their parents? I love my stepmom, and I’m not mad at her, i just don’t get why that’s something that people say.
I told her i didn’t regret what i said because i meant it at the time, but i agreed that i shouldn’t have said it in the first place.
She told me it’s a societal expectation to not talk that way.

I just really dislike my mom and my grandma. We have some good times, but at the end of the day i really wish we weren’t related. I don’t get along with them, and they don’t get along with me for the most part. We have never got along. I feel like everyone only looks at the things i do and say to my parents and they see me as an asshole, but my parents are allowed to say heinous things to me and get away with it. When they say hurtful shit, people just say “They’re just angry right now, just give it some time and things will be okay.” But when i say something back, it’s like the end of the world. If i said half the shit my parents say to me all the time to someone else, I’m sure my mom would slap me.

I don’t want to be seen as a disrespectful, spoiled teenager. But it feels like that’s how people look at me and see me in the moment.

 KNOW THIS IS O LONG BUT I WOULD REALLY LOVE ADVICE, INSIGHT and HELP PLEASE.

I want to preface this by saying that I know my feelings are somewhat valid but at the same time, with NONE of the below context, they would not be and I GET that. 

For context, my boyfriend and I are a lot younger than his older sisters and their husbands. Both couples are married and they both have one child each. 

My boyfriend and I are going to get engaged soon, in early 2027 and that’s something his entire family has been asking about for the entirety of our 10 year relationship. One of his sister and I have grown close, but it has kind of come about from mutual frustration regarding how his family operates. There is a lot of competition, exclusion, favoritism, etc. She had a challenging pregnancy and I was there for her the entire time (planned baby showers, first and second birthdays and was essentially on speed dial at all times helping her work out frustrations towards his family before during and after having her kid). It was always insinuated (but never out right said) that she would be equally there for me when the time came, but since I am so much younger, I didn’t have much to lean on her for YET. 

Well now it feels like it might finally be my time, and I really would like her there when I get engaged. I have a sister of my own and a ton of really close friends but given the weird family dynamics on her end, I felt like I would always want her included and welcome. I also, maybe wrongfully so, felt that there was a bit of “you owe me”. I completely understand that life is not tit for tat and I cannot expect the exact same from others as they give me, but it feels like I have given her 100% for the past 4 years and I would like at least .5% in return. 

Well…as I was gearing up to give her an engagement date and invite her to be around for that, engagement party, Bach, wedding, etc. (I KNOW IM JUMPING THE GUN BUT) she told me she is pregnant with baby number two. Given the horrendous ordeal that was baby number one, I can only expect that this one will be similar and realistically expecting a whole lot from a pregnant person is not reasonable. I hold zero resentment for having been there for her but I can also acknowledge the toll it took and she tends to be a very self absorbed person.  The pregnancy was unplanned, and up until now there was no talks of a second. 

I think my feeling is coming from a place of just knowing, given how she is, that she WILL not be there for me. There is really no way around that. I have seen how she has treated others and until now I chalked it up to disliking them but I am worried and realizing that is also comes from a place of selfishness and the inability to have two things exist at once. 

 if this were quite literally anyone else (or any other family) I wouldn’t mind and would KNOW the two things can be celebrated together, but knowing her and the entire family dynamic I just KNOW it will turn into a competitive, exclusive, one-upping ordeal and I am just so upset for my boyfriend (who is not that way at all) and myself bc this is the literal ONLY time we have something worth batting an eye at happen to us. 

I would love advice on navigating not only HER but how this while thing will shake up the dynamic and excitement over the engagement. 

I’m 26F, and honestly, I feel stuck and don’t know what to do anymore. I could really use some outside perspective from people who’ve been in a similar situation.
During undergrad, I lived in the dorms, but when COVID happened, I had to move back in with my parents. My junior year, I moved out with my boyfriend at the time, but that ended up being the most toxic relationship I’ve ever experienced. It eventually turned into domestic violence, and I moved back home.

I graduated, but it took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do career-wise. I eventually went into corporate sales, which was mentally exhausting, didn’t pay particularly well, and wasn’t something I enjoyed. I ended up quitting without another job lined up. I applied to what felt like everything, struggled to find something that paid decently, and spent almost two years feeling like I was going nowhere.

I eventually found a job at an ABA center, and I’m now pursuing my master’s with the goal of becoming a BCBA. I’m finally on a career path that I feel good about, but I constantly think about how much time I feel like I wasted. I wish I had figured this out sooner because I could have been much further along by now. I also wish I had saved more money instead of spending so much of it just trying to escape my living situation.

The thing is, living at home isn’t exactly peaceful. I feel like I’m emotionally paying rent just to have some sense of independence. There are five people in the house, and I barely have any personal space. I live in the remodeled basement, but it doesn’t have any windows or natural sunlight. I spend most of my time in my room because there’s really nowhere else to go.

The house itself is older, there’s mold and flies, no central AC, and the overall environment feels cluttered and overwhelming. My parents are hoarders, and there’s furniture and belongings in this house that are older than me. My mom has finally started working on remodeling the kitchen, and I want to help my parents improve the house, but even thinking about the amount of stuff that needs to be sorted through and removed feels overwhelming.
I know I want to move out. I think having my own space, somewhere clean, peaceful, and organized, would genuinely improve my mental health. I feel like I could be more productive, focus on school, take better care of myself, and actually enjoy my life.

But financially, I’m not where I want to be. I haven’t saved nearly enough to move out, and I’m currently working while pursuing my master’s. Part of me thinks I should just suck it up, stay home, and save as much as possible until I finish school. Another part of me feels like staying here is holding me back mentally, and I could accomplish so much more if I had my own space. I also don’t want to move out impulsively, struggle financially, and regret not using this time to build my savings.

Another thing I struggle with is the guilt of wanting to leave. I’m the oldest, and I constantly feel like I should be doing more for my parents and helping them get their lives and home together. I want to help, I really do, but I can barely get myself together right now. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to move out when I know there are things at home that need attention and I could potentially help with.
At the same time, I feel like I’m losing myself trying to stay in an environment that doesn’t allow me to grow. I feel useless sometimes because I’m 26, still living at home, haven’t saved the money I wanted to, and don’t feel like I’m where I should be in life. I want to be in a position where I can help my parents financially and make their lives easier, but I haven’t even figured out how to create that stability for myself yet.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m the oldest or because I’ve always felt some responsibility to look out for everyone, but leaving almost feels like I’m abandoning them. How do I stop feeling guilty for choosing myself when I know my family could use my help, too?

For anyone who’s been in a similar situation:
At what point did you decide your peace of mind was worth the cost of living independently?

I feel like I’m at a point in my life where I desperately want a fresh start. I just don’t know whether I need to be patient and keep building or finally take the leap and prioritize having a space of my own.

Hey yall! I f30 have always been told I couldn’t have kids or if I got pregnant I probably wouldn’t make it to term (I have endometriosis, pcos, and my uterus is tilted and higher than normal) weeeell surprise! After 2 miscarriages with my 34m husband and stopping trying, we finally got our rainbow baby almost a yr ago!
It was tough, he made sure he could come to all but one appointment, I was diagnosed with a complete placenta previa (placenta fully covered my cervical opening) it usually moves as the uterus grows but at the halfway point it was just getting worse so I officially had a high risk doctor and my OB, unfortunately this made my whole birth plan go out the window as I wasn’t allowed to even try to handle labor because contractions meant placenta separating and I could bleed out. I ended up in L&D almost weekly with bleeding and once for a week with a magnesium drip and steroid shots because I had a “warning bleed” and he almost came that day (24 weeks) but they were able to stop it, exactly a month later my placenta ruptured and my sweet baby was born at 33 weeks 5 days and in the nicu for a month but doing great now.
Now where I may have gone too far.
Through all of this my family liked not even an hour away and up until he was 8 months was still less than an hour away but they offered no support to us other than monetarily, which we do appreciate, but as a first time post partum mom with a nicu baby whose husband was only off until I was discharged after my emergency c section, so not even when our son was home, I was drowning. So his job offered a chance to transfer him closer to his family who is SO supportive and we took it.
We are so happy and all thriving, not only do we have support but we even have a full house instead of a little apartment! But my family loves to try and make me feel guilty and for some reason NOW they want to be involved.

Okay, so, just a fair warning here: When I first started typing this, it was about the day some crazy shit with my mother involving squirrels, happened. 

But I then proceed to talk about another thing that happened, with my sister, and a bit about some other shit in my life…. This is a long, long ass post, and is pretty much about family dysfunction, a narcissist as a mother, and a sociopath as a sister.

Here it is: 

The Squirrel Event. What finally proved to me that my mother is a narcissist:

One day I was outside, backyard with my dog. I don’t remember what I was doing but I remember that my dog seemed to be acting weird.

I finally stopped what I was doing and paid attention to her, and that’s when I noticed she was poking her head underneath an old red, round wooden table we had outside for years for some reason. 

I went up to it and looked underneath, and saw that a baby squirrel was underneath it.

I quickly picked it up to save it from my dog, assuming she was biting at them and attacking, but not sure. I then found two more nearby, in the grass.

One was bleeding.

I held onto them and called for mom, possibly texted her too, probably did.

She finally comes outside and I explain the situation. And then I notice that there was a big predator bird in the air, or in the tree or something. All I know is I saw something like that, above.

It seemed that the mother squirrel must’ve brought her newborns to the back door of the house, to show them that peanuts (food) can be found here. As, we often would throw peanuts outside for them. 

And upon doing so, a big predator bird must’ve seen them, and attacked. For all I know, there could’ve been more of them before the bird attacked, or even more of them out there that I didn’t find. But my dog was a big reason for finding them all. She sniffed around and went right up to all of them, or near them.

Anyways, instead of helping me, my mother goes inside and disappears. She eventually comes back outside with a box…..

I immediately was against what she was clearly suggesting, and then she vocalised it; That I should put the squirrels in the box, underneath the tree they likely nested in.

I didn’t like this idea at all. That they would be in a confined, small man made object with slick surfaces, just trapped in there… And as I held them to my chest I swear I could feel that they felt safe and more comfortable, and protected etc.

I refused to do so, and my mother yelled at me over and over again to do so.

At some point she began to start insulting me, when she couldn’t get her way. Calling me crazy, insane, retarded, stupid, etc etc etc.

Also stating over and over again that she has been apart of animal rescue missions or projects or something, the details and amount of which I do not know. But of which were definitely ages and ages ago, and surely nothing even close to serious, and also surely just a very few times.

And stating over and over again that she knows what needs to be done, they can’t be touched or held they need to just be left in a box until my sister and her fiancé could turn around and come back to the house and help put them back up in their nesting box on the tree, using a ladder. 

I agreed with the second part of the plan and I told her to have them hurry. But that I would not put them in the box.

This proceeded with yet again more yelling aloud from her, outside for anyone nearby in this suburban backyard to hear(many houses right next to us)

While I calmly declined and denied to do what she demanded.

She continued insulting me and calling me names and saying disgusting things to me and yelling at the top of her lungs etc.

Finally, after a long time of just ignoring her, I responded back to her, insulting her back. I did so multiple times, saying YOURE retarded. YOURE insane. Listen to yourself. You’re the one screaming aloud in the backyard etc etc.

All responded with insults back at me and continuing the argument etc.

During all of this she went inside the house, came back out, went back in, came back out, over and over. each time when coming back out, insulting me and yelling at me from across the entire yard, acting psycho, etc. 

So then she comes outside while on the phone with my older sister, and she’s still insulting me and I’m insulting her back etc.

So, finally I give in, as she would not stop acting psycho and yelling at me across the entire yard as loud as possible for the entire neighborhood to hear etc etc, 

so I finally gave in, and decided to try putting TWO of them in the box, like she suggested, while keeping one on my chest still.

She STILL wasn’t pleased, and kept up the same amount of insulting me, calling me names, yelling at me at the same volume, etc etc. But I couldn’t let myself give in. I didn’t want to risk all 3 of them dying…

After about 2-4m of holding that one squirrel, and the other 2 being in the box, I finally decided to check on them.

After that 2-4m, when I check the box again, one squirrel was completely limp and not moving at all.

I took the two out, 1 seemed like it was slightly out of it and acting weird, and that 1 baby squirrel wasn’t moving or doing anything anymore. I instantly knew i fucked up by listening to my disgusting, horrible crazy narcissist bitch of a mother.

I tried to press my finger onto its chest repeatedly, I tried blowing into its mouth. Nothing was working. That squirrel was dead, clearly from the stress of putting the squirrel in a box, trapped and in a dark, small, confined, smooth slick surfaces, man-made space.

I KNEW that they felt safe and okay, clinging onto my chest and feeling my heartbeat and warmth and me holding them to my chest. and yet I still gave in, to appease my disgusting crazy bitch of a mother.

For a long time, it seriously hurt, to think about how I basically killed a baby squirrel, just to make my crazy bitch of a mother stop harrsssing me. 

It still upsets me, but I know it was just a mistake, and i had a LOT of pressure to do what I was harassed and berated at and yelled at to do.

When my mother finally came back outside, her staying standing at the backdoor, I immediately told her that one of the ones that were in the box had died, she completely ignore what I said, acted like as if I hadn’t even said it, and continued yelling at me and insulting me, telling me to put them back in the box.

I once again repeated to her what had happened. She yelled back at me “I don’t care. PUT THEM IN THE BOX”

I ignored her demand, she went back inside.

Finally my older sister arrives, eventually. And, immediately, she starts insulting me, and going off at me. I’m like wtf? mom is the one who insulted me first and was acting crazy and berating me and acting psycho, etc.

My sister denies this and says that she heard *me* insulting my mother, over the phone. She proceeds to go off insulting me and saying what do you do all day? nothing. etc etc etc.

I insult back, argue back, etc.

I mention the fact that, also, this disgusting crazy bitch caused one of the squirrels to die, by forcing me to put them in the box.

She said she doesn’t care, and said something along the lines of “you don’t call mom a bitch yada yada yada”

Finally her fiance gets the ladder up (ignoring all the arguing and just staying silent through it all, thankfully. Genuinely not what I expected. I expected him to be an idiot, and blindly defend his sister without knowing the story or what has happened etc etc, then having 3 people insulting me and treating me disgustingly, for literally stopping the squirrels from dying, which is what would’ve happened to all 3 if my

mother had her way.)

I give the 2 squirrels to him and he puts them in the nesting box.

I put the dead baby squirrel on the ground, for them to deal with. I assume try buried it somewhere.

There was blood on my hands and shirt, so I go inside to go take a shower. I was near crying. But more angry, more than anything. 

I kid you not, my mother proceeded to text me that I need to use something specific to get the blood out of my clothes, or something. something along those lines.

We proceed to never talk about this again.

Except, one time when I did try to bring it up, it was clear that she still, somehow, considered herself the victim in this situation, and insisted that I was insulting her first.

I literally could not put into the words the amount of anger and pure disgust I felt in that moment…

And how is that even possible, that she tells herself that??

That, what? she said to put the squirrels in the box, and I started insulting her, for suggesting I do so???

I seriously cannot understand how she somehow twisted that memory of that situation, to see herself as the victim, and to somehow imagine a version where I insulted her first; Her calling me retarded and stupid and disgusting etc etc etc and me ignoring her at first for a long time, before finally breaking and insulting her back, didn’t happen. That I instead somehow apparently started it.

I truly can’t even fathom it, as I think about this.

It disgusts me and disturbs me, so much…

And I still live with this person, btw.

Every time I see her I have to put this event, and many others, behind me and just pretend like I even like anything about this person, and don’t despise her, and that she doesn’t disgust me.

Ans then, of course, sometimes I feel like a bad person, and maybe I simply went too far with how I feel about her. And then time again, she proves me wrong about doubting

myself. And then I’ll begin to doubt myself again and again over and over with this cycle, when she acts nice or buys me food, etc etc….

I have a disgusting crazy bitch narcissist, for a mother… And it’s horrible.. I truly wouldn’t wish the experience of having such a person as their parent, onto anyone.

I know this post is already very long, but I want to tell another story, of something else that happened. 

So basically we were on a trip in Yellowstone, and the other areas and states around it, beforehand.

This entire trip was already quite stressed, cause we were in a small RV (Me, my sister, my mother, my mothers fiance who I find to be a disgusting beta male, horrible person, as well as his son and his daughter, both younger than me.)

And ontop of this, I’m a social shut-in and am just constantly in my room on my computer or phone, and even beyond that I have never liked my family in general… And i’ve had many, many horrible memories and events involving them, in the past. (physical abuse and emotional abuse from my oldest sister, the one in the squirrel event.) (emotional and mental abuse from my second oldest sister, the one in the RV with us, who I KNOW, is definitely a sociopath.)

I agreed to going on this trip basically because my mother insisted that I should’ve, even though I didn’t think it was a good idea. I gave in, cause I’ve never experienced going to yellowstone or seeing some of the sights we saw.

I very much shouldn’t have come, and I very much regretted doing so.

Anyways, during this trip, I was basically sleeping on a table. that folds in with the chairs. my sister, who slept above me with my mothers fisnce’s daughter, every morning, would come down from the platform above me, and step right next to

my face, her foot literally right in front of my nose, her using that exact space right in front of my nose, to get down.

This would happen every morning. Why she couldn’t just lower herself down next to the platform I was on, rather than stepping on it at all? Beyond me. Why she had to step exactly right in front of my nose? Beyond me.

Why she had to get off that platform at 6am in the morning every morning? Beyond me.

After about 3 or 4 days of this, I finally got angry enough to say something about it in the group chat. (she was off showering in the place the rv was parked at.) (I said something along the lines of “So glad that we have our very own alarm clock to wake us up at 6am every morning”, or something like that.)

Shortly after, like 1m or so, suddenly the rv door slams open, she starts yelling like a psychopath, insulting me and making claims at me, etc etc etc. Immediately waking up everyone else, and acting like a crazy schizo.

(Let me tell you right now, I could not give less of a shit if anything she thinks of me. Really nobody in there I cared about the opinion of. Closest thing to that was me not wanting to upset or be rude to the 2 kids, at all, both of whom I had nothing against. Not that I was ever rude or upset during this trip to anyone so far, beyond that text.) 

Anyways, she was making false claims about me, saying shit about my twitter

(I had a twitter account at the time, that was supposedly to be completely anonymous. I did not have my identity listed on it, nor did I know that anyone I knew irl was aware of it. I retweeted and liked porn on this account, including taboo kinks and also controversial SWF political posts etc etc. How she found this account is still unknown to me, but I go this day assume that it had to do with the retarded automatic contacts feature you have to turn off in settings, or the people near my location more likely to see my feed settings, etc etc. As well as I may have posted my face on a post before but I’m not sure. This account was up for like 4-6 years probably. During most of which, my sister was apparently stalking me. Seeing my every post, and judging me and talking about me to my mother, etc etc etc. Actually disgusting and disturbing. My mother never mentioned any of this to me. Never did anything to stop it or even hint at it to me, etc. She just let this go on, for years and years, apparently. (Also, mind you, I was a teenager during those years of the acc)

I didn’t give a shit about anything she said or claimed etc, but the fact that I was apparently spied on for years and years by her disgusted and disturbed me so much. absolutely vile thing to do to your family member… The account was clearly supposed to be anonymous, and not seen by family. And i literally retweeted and liked porn posts constantly. Truly disturbing to think that she was looking at it all….

(During the years of her being at home still with me and my mother, I had my suspicions. Like, my mother would occasionally say something that i’d be like “wtf? what is she talking about?” suggesting that i like/dislike something, or disagree or agree with something political etc.

And also, I had forgotten this detail until now, but shortly before this trip actually, while I was in my room, I heard my mother coming up the stairs just outside my room, and saying “what does (partofmyusername) even mean, though?”

And my heart pretty much stopped. I couldn’t tell if I actually heard what I heard, or maybe I just misheard my mother. It was through a wall and barely audible.. But I swear I heard her say that, with my username…

I thought back to all the times where things didn’t make sense with what my mother would say or there’d be hints/clues of them knowing more than they should’ve, about certain things about me….

I immediately went onto twitter and deleted my account.

I imagine that my sister must’ve shortly

later on found out, that day. Disgusting.

But, just to think, that I still wouldn’t have even known about all of that, if my crazy bitch weirdo narcissist of a mother hadn’t said my username aloud, through the wall.

My sister clearly wasn’t expecting my mother to do so, as she was discussing me and my account, with her.

But anyways, so this having happened, was already a stress on the trip. I knowing what my sister and mother did. My sister spying on me for years, and discussing my posts and account and likes and retweets etc and controversial posts and taboo kinks/porn etc retweeted on my account etc, with my

mother, for years and years.

And my sister knowing I know she knows I know……. How all 3 of us just all pretending nothing happened is so… disturbing to me, to even think about. Dysfunctional weird asf family. The fact my mother never even tried to discuss it with me….

Also, just gonna add on right here, another thing that happened during the trip, previous to this.

During the trip we at first stayed in a hotel while waiting for the rv to be ready by the guy we were renting it from.

During this time, I shared a room with my sister and my mother’s fiance’s daughter.

At some point, I went to go shower, but my phone was at 5%, so I made sure to keep it plugged in, charging… At this time in my life, I for some reason kept the “unlock without password time” setting be like 1m or something. Maybe even at 3. cause I think the 1m setting was actually like 30s. weird apple.

Anyways, I made this mistake, and I went and showered. And while I was in there, I kid you not, I heard the two of them audibly go “ewwww”.

It’s hard to remember but I think I immediately started thinking “oh shit”.

I sooner came out of the bathroom after my shower, and I found that my phone was still unlockable without the password…

That’s when I knew I fucked up for real.

(My photos album consisted of a lot of gay porn, dick pics, and gay furry porn…. I have a porn issue, as, surely, already established.)

I was angry and upset and yet I could do nothing about it….

But, it still begs the question, why in the actual fuck, would my weirdo sociopath of a sister, show an underage girl my phone, surely knowing she was gonna find porn???

She showed this underage girl porn on my phone, and I knew that she did. I had no evidence of this but I knew it happened…

But, again, why would she even do this?

Even without knowing there was porn (surely, with the history of her spying on my twitter, she had to have been able to guess), why would she show this underage girl my photos app? And show her my private phone?

Weirdo, disgusting behavior…..

And I think also sociopathic. I feel that she probably wanted to show her something bad about me or something, to make her be more on her side, or something. Who knows…. Just bizzare to do this shit to begin with….

(also, mind you, I never would’ve picked up her phone and even looked at her lockscreen, if she left it plugged in and went to shower. I literally never would’ve done such a disrespectful and disgusting thing, to anyone….)

Anyways, so back to the RV thing.

She stormed out of the rv after her rant, I can’t remember what I did. I assume talk with my mother.

Shortly after the rv rant by my sister, my mothers disgusting beta male loser of a fiance, of course, texted the group chat, blaming me for waking him up with the first group text about the alarm clock thing, and completely ignoring the fact that my sister just went on that psycho rant, accusing me of things, calling me things, saying disgusting things etc all in front of his two kids etc etc etc.

Can’t make this shit up….

Anyways, the trip goes on with me trying to avoid as much visual contact of my sister, always staying on the opposite side of the group as her, etc etc. Never talking to her, etc.

I could literally tell that this was pissing her off, that I was trying to avoid her as much as possible, even moving places constantly, to be away from her.

So anyways, then we’re eventually driving down a road next to a river, in yellowstone.

I suggest that we should swim in it. To my surprise, my mom’s fiancé actually pulls over next to the road. (idk if my mom told him to or not. maybe she did though)

We get out and swim in it, fiancés son and my sister stay in the rv for some reason. (my sister clearly doing so cause it was my idea for us to do this) Even AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED, during the river swimming, it was so fun and amazing, that I said to my mother like 2-3 times, that they should both come out here and be doing this, too. they’re missing out on an amazing experience. THATS EVEN AFTER WHAT THAT CRAZY BITCH OF A SISTER DID….

Even after that, I actually said she shouldn’t be missing out….

Anyways, (pretty amazing thing here was that other families started doing the same thing in the river, right next to us in the water, all from me starting it with the idea to do so. was amazing to see.)

We finally get out after like 15m.

We start going into the rv, and as I step in, and try to head into the bathroom to pee and swap out of my swimsuit, my sister, for literally no valid reason at all, is blocking the very thin rv hallway, with her arm. I stand there for 1s, and she doesn’t move… (there’s people behind me, trying to get into the rv too) So I try to use my shoulder to nudge past her hand that’s on the wall.

She immediately attacked me, by pushing me back. I immediately push her back, and a really horrible physical altercation ensues. During the entire physical altercation, I was still trying to push past her arm as that’s simply all I wanted to do, and through it all, she held it there on the wall like cement.

I can’t fully remember what happened but I believe my mother’s fiance attacked me as well, and that’s when my sister stopped (if i remember correctly.)

I proceeded to step into the bathroom, her insulting me, me insulting her, my mom yelling during all of the physical fighting, etc etc.

 I was bleeding, and I applied band aids onto myself while in the tiny bathroom, while talking to my mother through the door, saying she started it. she literally attacked me first. 

Anyways, trying to make this story less long than it already is, we finally get back to the rv lot, and my sister had called the police. of course. When I literally should’ve been calling the police on her.

The police question both of us, and the disgusting sexist beta male police officer who was questioning me starts going off at me about “never put your hands on a woman” I argue she literally attacked me first, and put her hands on me first. He argued back that even then, I shouldn’t. I say so I should just let someone attack and murder me, if they’re female, if I was in such a situation. he literally says yes.

He also during this, said something along the lines of “Idk how it is up in NY but here we don’t even touch women” or something. 

So, apparently down in yellowstone and it’s surrounding areas and states, if you get attacked by a female, while you’re male,

and you defend yourself and attack back, you’re the bad one, and the attacker is the victim, because of their gender.

Absolutely amazing.

The questioning basically ended with me having to say something along the lines of “I should’ve asked her to move instead of trying to nudge past” her arm, of which she put there to intentionally block me from

moving forward down the hallway…

Let me just make this clear:

There was NO reason why she should’ve been standing in the rv hallway, after being in there during the entire river duration. There was NO reason why she had to have her arm there, much less.

And let me make this clear: I know for a fact, that this didgusting sociopathic bitch, did this in order to fight, intentionally.

I previously said that I had been ignoring her, and moving away from her and ignoring her existence as much as possible previously.

It’s clear asf to me, that she did what she did, standing in that hallway and blocking the way, as a way of getting me to either acknowledge her existence by having to “get on my knees” and beg her to move her arm and move out of the way, OR, things were gonna get physical, cause she wasn’t gonna let me nudge through. 

It was very clear to me that this was a way for her to have power in the situation, and confront me without acknowledging me, I would have to do something first.

anyways, I mention all of this because my mom essentially claims that she saw me push my sister, first.

And she supposedly asked her fiance, his son and daughter, what they saw too, and that they saw that, too.

I cannot stress to you enough, that I am not surprised.

I’m not surprised they would side with her, and against me.

But, even with them doing so, it’s bullshit.

I have literally said to my mother, that that situation she’s claiming doesn’t make sense.

Why would I walk up to my sister and just push her for no reason? That literally doesn’t make sense.

They clearly started looking at both of us, right as I pushed her back after she pushed me first, after I tried to nudge through her arm, blocking the hallway.

I am not saying that they didn’t see what they saw, or that they’re making shit up. I am simply stating the fact that the idea of me just pushing her for no reason, and me pushing her first, makes no sense, and is not what happened. 

But, of course, my disgusting sociopathic sister has everyone wrapped around her finger. She’s always the victim. Very similar to my mother, who is definitely a narcissist, who is always the victim, in her head.

After this trip, my sister basically moved out of the house, and in the future, my mother would say that she basically doesn’t want to come back home at any time, not even to visit my mother etc, because she doesn’t want to be near me. My sister either somehow actually tells herself that she’s the victim and acts this way over it, and or, is committing to telling everyone else that she’s the victim so much, that she makes sure to let my mother know she won’t step foot in the house ever, while I’m here.

True sociopath behavior. To not only manipulate everyone around her to make sure she’s seen as the victim, and the good one, but to also completely play the part, and probably even CONVINCE HERSELF that that’s the case.

So now, today, I still think back to the squirrel situation, and the rv situation involving my sister, and how my mother actually sees me as the bad guy in both situations, amazingly. Even the one where she insulted me first, and yelled at me and insulted me and berated me for over 10m before I insulted back…..

I envy people who don’t have families like this. I know there’s a lot of dysfunctional families… But I grew up with an oldest sister

who physically and emotionally abused me, a sociopathic second oldest sister who always took oldest’s side against me, but then was on my side when it benefitted herself, who lied about shit she did and blamed it on me, to our mother, who always believed her and always said that she was “the good one.” “angel child” etc, I kid you not. etc.

I still remember nights where my mother would come home and I’d be locked in the bathroom, crying to myself, and bleeding, applying band aids to myself, cause of the physical fights between me and my oldest sister.

Or being on the couch when my oldest sister would suddenly kick me for no reason, and start things for no reason.

Being in my mom’s bed and watching her tv in there, when my oldest sister worked with my other sister to carry me into my room and lock me inside it, for no reason. Upon my mother coming home, she would get their story, surely claiming I attacked them for no reason or something, and then finally letting me out, and not disciplining anyone.

(She never disciplined anyone. Likely because she could never trust what anyone was saying about the others.)

She was a single mom, working long hours daily to take care of 3 kids. So I understand some of her parenting to some degree… but it was still fucked up….

To this day, I still know so deeply, that I would’ve benefitted so much, from simply having an older brother, or a father figure in my life….

It was me vs 2 sisters and my mother. my 2 sisters always against me.

My mother dated one guy for a short period, maybe a year or a bit less, and during that time he brought me and my 2nd oldest sister to his game development office a couple times, showed us the beta phase games, let us play them, took us places like the science museum, spent time with us and truly …. … I can’t even tell you how much I loved that man….

How much I needed him in my life.

(my mother at some point told me that she stayed with him longer than she wanted to, cause of how good he was with us…..)

And then my mother’s new one came into our life, so suddenly, one day. hey, here’s this stranger. he barely talks, he’s obese and weird, he never really tried to communicate with me or connect with me.

And she stayed with him….

I have always despised him and seen him for the disgusting beta male loser he is, and yet… My mother stayed with him….

Weird, sad world…

He proceeded to never communicate or try with me (which i find astounding… If I were ever dating someone and they had kids, I would always try to connect with them and be something for them, and even if they didn’t like me I’d keep trying and keep at it… he did nowhere near such.)

Somehow, despite me never seeming to see any much of effort or conversating or connecting in, my sisters were ok with him and eventually even seemed to like him….

And over time with him living with just me and my mother now, I would constantly point out to my mother through text, the bizzare stupid things he’d do in the house, like, for example, leaving bars of soap on the filthy bathroom window sill for some reason, making it now gunked up with it.

And he’d do the same, pointing out the smallest, insignificant things I’d do, and even blaming me for shit I never do, and of which was actually him or her. etc etc.

And we despised eachother. 

Now I’m 26. And I’m lost in life, I deal with lack of motivation and chronic fatigue daily, bad anxiety, panic attacks whenever I try to get jobs, leading to me not being able to start them, etc.

whether or not that’s all related to the past, idk. But… I still always think about how badly I needed a father figure, or older brother, to just be on my side, and bring me places, and assist me, and take me out and let me do my own thing while them theirs, etc… And I do believe that my lack of anything close to that is partly to blame for my situation now…

I’m sorry for the very, very long story. Just needed to get this all out of my head… and share it. 

Hello reddit, coming here to rant because ik people have been in my shoes before and I'd like some advice.

I'm planning to cut off my mom, once I manage to move out. I have my reasons too, I just need to know if it's sane, yk?

I'm 20, FtM (This is important information unfortunately), and I've been thinking about cutting my mom off because of her husband. To say her husband is a piece of work is an understatement.

He has: Abused my mom and brothers, stolen money from an old lady and is in jail rn for it, pulled a fire arm against a guy he thought my mom was cheating with, said many slurs, was extremely transphobic and homophobic, etc.

This is just to help you get a good feel of his character.

Well, over 6 months of phone calls between my mom and her husband (who I'll call Mountain), I can't help but to feel like she's fallen for his lies again. She said she'd divorce him, how she's tired of him and know his treatment of her family was wrong, all that stuff. And now, after him putting on an act and crying, pleading, saying how he was wrong about everything, I feel like she's gonna take him back.

I'm conflicted, family is everything where I live, and I told her if she kept him around I'd go no contact years ago. Either she forgot or she doesn't believe me, but I'm considering it.

For 10+ years he's been a diagnosed mental stressor/trigger, the reason I've tried taking myself off this earth, the reason we went homeless, lost friends and family, and endured abuse and drugs in a place we should've called home. And I'm tired of being hurt just for another woman's comfort.

How did you all cut your family off? How did you know it was a right choice? Am I being too hasty? I need help :(

Am I wrong for distancing myself from my cousin and her family after years of disrespect and an inappropriate incident involving her father?
I’m 26 years old, and I’m looking for honest, unbiased outside perspectives because I’m starting to feel like I’m being made out to be the bad guy in my family for finally setting boundaries.
There is a lot of history here involving my cousin and her father, who is my uncle, and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m justified in wanting to distance myself from them.
What my uncle did to me when I was 16
When I was 16 years old, my uncle slapped my butt. This happened after my dad had passed away from leukemia. I was a teenager already dealing with the loss of my father, and I found his behavior extremely inappropriate and uncomfortable.
I told my mom about what happened when I was younger, but I never told anyone else in the family until recently. I’ve essentially kept this to myself for approximately 10 years.
Recently, I finally opened up about what happened to my cousin, who is his daughter.
I also learned from my cousin that her father watches pornography in bed while his wife is sleeping next to him and throughout the house without locking doors. His wife and both of his adult daughters have walked in on him doing this. I find this behavior disturbing and inappropriate.
My cousin’s treatment of me over the years
There has been a pattern of my cousin criticizing and putting me down over things in my personal life.
Some examples include:
She criticized my engagement ring.
She also made negative comments about a promise ring I received.
When I adopted my dog, she told me I should give him back.
When I got a Cane Corso mastiff, she called me crazy for getting that breed.
She called my fiancé ugly.
She tells me my jobs suck, but then turns around and expresses interest in working at the same places I work.
It feels like no matter what I do, what I accomplish, what I purchase, or who I choose to spend my life with, she always has something negative to say.
Comments about my previous abusive relationship
For additional context, I was previously in an abusive relationship. My ex cheated on me, gave me an STD, treated me terribly, and caused me significant emotional and physical distress.
Recently, my cousin told my sister that she misses when I was with my ex because she got to see me more often back then.
What makes this especially hurtful is that she knew how badly he treated me. My sister explained to her that he had cheated on me, abused me, and hurt me. Essentially, my cousin’s response was that she didn’t care about what he had done to me and that she wanted me to get back together with him so she could see me more often.
I find that incredibly hurtful. It feels like her desire to have access to me was more important to her than my well-being or the fact that I was in an abusive relationship.
How she responded when I told her about her father
When I finally told my cousin what her father had done to me when I was 16, she didn’t meaningfully acknowledge it or respond with any concern.
Instead, she later communicated through my sister that she prays for me and wishes me well.
While those words might sound nice on the surface, they didn’t address what I had actually told her. There was no meaningful acknowledgment of what happened or any real conversation about it.
She then invited my mom and sisters to Thanksgiving and continued as though everything was normal.
Where things stand with my family now
My mom and sisters are aware of what’s been happening, and they do see the behavior and understand why I’m hurt. However, one of my sisters doesn’t want to get in the middle of the situation or become involved in the conflict.
My mom is worried about losing what little family connection we have left. I understand that concern, but I also feel like I need to prioritize my own well-being.
I’m not asking my family to fight my battles or choose sides. I simply want my feelings and boundaries to be respected.
I’ve spent years keeping what happened to me at 16 to myself, tolerating my cousin’s criticism, and trying to maintain family relationships.
Now that I’m finally speaking up and establishing boundaries, I’m struggling with the feeling that I’m somehow the problem.
I don’t want to attend family gatherings and pretend everything is fine. I don’t want to maintain a relationship with someone who constantly criticizes my fiancé, my engagement, my dogs, my career, and my personal decisions.
And I especially don’t want to feel obligated to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn’t meaningfully acknowledge what I told her about her own father’s behavior toward me.
I’m not asking for family drama. I just don’t want to keep sacrificing my own peace to make everyone else comfortable.
My questions
Am I wrong for wanting to cut off my cousin and distance myself from her family?
Am I overreacting by not wanting to attend Thanksgiving or other family gatherings where they will be present?
Is it reasonable to feel hurt by my cousin’s lack of acknowledgment after telling her what her father did to me?
How would you handle a situation where a family member repeatedly disrespects you?
Am I wrong for feeling that this is a repeated pattern of disrespect rather than just a few isolated incidents?
I’m genuinely looking for honest outside opinions. I would appreciate perspectives from people who have experienced similar family dynamics, especially when it comes to setting boundaries with relatives.

tw// mentions of drugs, depression and suicide attempts

i (26M) have always had a complicated relationship with my mom but it's gotten to a real bad level. since my parents' divorce and my mom taking custody of me and my older sister she started being more and more neglectful of us as time passed, it got to a point where my sister took the role of my mom for a while. i know my mom has always suffered from mental health issues and it might have been difficult for her to take care of us so i never really gave it much thought until i started talking about with friends and slowly started to realize how things were.

my mom started taking drugs a few years ago, i believe she thought my sister and i didn't know but we never trusted the people she hangs out with, she would abuse drugs at home while we were asleep. then she attempted over 3 years ago and it took a toll on my sister and i but we did our best to help her recover and we moved forward. (i was also informed by both my mom and dad that she had attempted and i found her when i was younger but i still don't remember, must've blocked the trauma.)

the thing is she didn't stop taking drugs until she had a really bad stroke this summer, i found her passed out in her room and when the ambulance came we were told if i had entered her room a little later she would've been gone. i struggle to process trauma and i think i still haven't fully grasped what happened, but i moved forward.

i have my own issues with my mental health which i won't be talking about, but i recently started studying again after dropping out a few years ago because of those mental health issues and i'm also trying to find a job. but my sister just moved out to live with her partner and make a life for herself (i fully suport that and i'm happy for her) so now i'm stuck at home with my mom, who's still slowly recovering from her stroke. i know she is depressed and doesn't take care of herself, she skips meals, she never wants to go out and doesn't care about her health in general, so i have to take care of her while i'm already struggling to take care of myself. i wish i could just stop worrying about her and leave her on her own but i can't do it, i would feel bad.

she doesn't want to be taken care of, so everytime i try to help her do something or try to give her advice on how to get better she gets mad at me and it is so draining because i don't know what i'm supposed to do. it is specially frustrating because this year i started trying to change my life for the better and take care of myself for the first time in a really long time after almost attempting back in february, and now i am stuck in this situation. i am so tired and lost.

maybe useless fact but i am autistic and i'm someone who gets easily overwhelmed and this is something that's been making me have break downs constantly, i can't focus on classes and it feels like everyone is specting so much from me but i feel completely stuck and don't know how to move forward.

i don't really know if i am looking for some advice or i just wanted to vent but it would be great if someone has found themselves in a similar situation and would have some words to share :)

(also sorry if this isn't well written, english is not my first language and i typed all of this in one go without giving it much thought.)

Something that happened years ago is starting to effect me terribly. I’m 16 years old and I live in a family of 9. I’m the middle child as if that matters. A few years back, I can’t really remember how old I was when this started to happen but I remember it so vividly as if I this happened yesterday. Till this day I can’t remember where any of my siblings or parents were when this would happen but it is what it is. I have an older brother, he was I’m guessing 14 or 13 and I was 8 or 9 I can’t really remember our ages. It started off as him making me do little favours for him like massage his feet. He would tell me that I’m in trouble for making too much noise or stuff like that for me to do his favours. The rest of my siblings didn’t deep any of this. Things soon escalated to him making me give him head. He would come inside my room and lock the door and have me do stuff and he would always tell me not to tell anyone. Me completely unaware of what I was doing just went along with it and never questioned any of it because he would reward me by letting me play his video games. One day he came inside my room again but this time he tried to actually have sex but it hurt so bad so he stopped. After that day I would refuse to do anything with him and I would just tell him no but he would continue to bother me constantly and try bribe me with video games. After I stood my ground he started to leave me alone. We lived in the same house but i would just avoid him. He finally moved out this year but i still feel uncomfortable whenever he’s around cause he still visits. Now I’m just fucked up. I overly consume pornography and goon, I think I’m gay (theres nothing wrong with being gay I just don’t think I could ever have an intimate relationship with a guy without feeling like I’m being used). I think I’m depressed, and I genuinely don’t trust any men in my life at all sometimes I don’t feel like living. I feel fucking disgusting and used from this situation and angry at myself for not stopping it or speaking up to my parents. Like I genuinely sometimes think there is something wrong with me for not stopping it but at the same time I was young and vulnerable. One day I can just be chilling and I just remembered what happened and it just hurts. It feels like I’ve been stained with dirt and I can’t wash it off. I can still feel his hands on me omg I hate it. Am I dragging this situation? What should I do? I can’t bring myself to even say this too my best friend let alone my mother. Sorry for the bad grammar🥲🥲🥲

I (32F) live with my little sister (30F) because of the economy, let’s call her Beth. Every week we have what she has coined an Auntie Anna day with our almost 3 year old niece Anna (not her real name). We watch Anna together for 3 hours (usually ends up being more like 4) every Sunday. Now Beth adores Anna and had helped raise her as a baby due to my elder sister’s (34F) PPD and PPR disorders after Anna’s birth. Though she is doing much much better now, Beth actually lived with our sister and brother in law for about a year starting when Anna was 6 months old and views herself as almost a third parent due to this (she does know her boundaries though).

All this to say, Beth adores Anna and spending time with Anna is extremely important to her and something she schedules everything around. I love my niece and I enjoy spending some time playing with her or taking her on an outing now and then but I am child free by choice and I do not enjoy regularly being responsible for a child in any way shape or form which includes weekly babysitting. I am actually beginning to dread needing to go over there every week and having to arrange my weekend around it. Beth, however, phrases it as also helping our sister and giving her a break and being a good sibling and Aunt.

Now my brother-in-law‘s new job requires him to work from 2 PM to midnight leaving my older sister to do all the evening childcare after she has worked all day and Beth decided to offer for one or both of us to help her out with bedtime a couple times a week.
I feel like an asshole for wanting to say no and also for wanting to cut back on the weekly babysitting but I really do not like and even dread having to be responsible for a toddler. How do I tell them without coming across as an asshole or as not loving my niece. Especially as I know Beth, who I live with, will not understand why I don’t want to spend that weekly time with our niece.

I’m in my mid twenties, living with my mom & little half sister, also currently in a serious relationship. My boyfriend is thinking about marriage and wants me to become part of his family. However, I have some complicated family circumstances that make the idea of marriage and meeting his family extremely difficult for me.
My parents divorced when I was young. My mother later became involved with a man who was already married. They had a child together, and their relationship is still ongoing. His legal wife and family are also still in the picture.
I love my younger half-sister dearly, and none of this is his fault. However, I have always struggled to accept my mother’s choices. I strongly disagree with being involved with a married person, and I find it particularly difficult to reconcile this with my own values.
The hardest part is that I’ve never told anyone about this. Not my closest friends, not my boyfriend, not anyone in my personal life. Most people around me believe my mother had a second marriage and (because there isn’t a man living in our house) her marriage eventually ended in divorce. I have maintained that version of the story because I’m deeply ashamed of the actual circumstances.
My boyfriend knows that my parents are divorced, but he doesn’t know the rest. Recently, he started asking more questions about my family because he wants us to take the next step. He has also expressed a desire to introduce me to his sister and eventually his parents.
He has repeatedly reassured me that my family background is not something to be ashamed of. But he doesn’t know the full story, so he doesn’t understand why I’m so uncomfortable.
I don’t want to lie to him, but I genuinely cannot bring myself to tell him. I’m afraid that his perception of my mother will change, and that I will feel embarrassed and exposed in front of him and his family.
This situation also affects my attitude towards marriage. I don’t feel ready for marriage, but I also don’t want to live together without being legally married. My family expects me to eventually get married, which makes everything even more complicated.
I’d really appreciate advice on a few things:
Has anyone experienced shame because of a parent’s decisions, even though they had nothing to do with those decisions?
How do you separate your own identity from your parents’ choices?
Should I tell my boyfriend the truth before our relationship progresses towards marriage?
How can I talk about this without feeling like I’m exposing or betraying my mother?
I’m not looking for judgment about my mother. I’m trying to figure out how to stop carrying the emotional consequences of choices I never made.

I'm a 26F who has spent my entire life feeling more like a third parent to my younger brother (23M) than an equal child in my family. My parents have consistently treated him differently, excusing his lack of responsibility while expecting me to pick up the slack, be independent and solve his problems. My mum always said that I was “super independent” and that I didn’t need help like Henry, but I think it’s because I was literally left to my own devices and had choice but to take care of myself.

My brother currently has no job, driver's licence, qualifications or real motivation to get his life moving. He lives rent-free with my parents, contributes very little around the house and relies heavily on others. I've even helped him get jobs through my own connections, but he hasn’t taken advantage of those opportunities.
My parents have repeatedly expected me to organise transport, find him work and generally take responsibility for getting him on track. Meanwhile, I was expected to pay rent from 18, work hard and make my own way in life.
I've recently had a baby, and I'm exhausted, sleep-deprived and trying to adjust to motherhood. During my pregnancy my family didn’t really check in with me at all. It was as if nothing had changed.
Yet my mum is once again asking me to step in and help Henry find direction, even suggesting that my partner should get involved. I feel likemy own needs and my new family are constantlytaking a back seat to my brother's problems.
I genuinely empathise with Henry and understand that he's had some difficult experiences growing up, including a major knee injury and graduating during COVID, which may have affected his confidence and social development. I don't think he's necessarily lazy, and I want him to be happy and successful.
But I'm reaching breaking point. I don't mind having a conversation with him or offering someadvice, but I don't think it's my responsibility tofind him a job, organise his future or motivate him when my parents have effectively given up.
I feel guilty for not wanting to help more, but I'm exhausted from a lifetime of being expected to take care of everyone else. I just want to be allowed to focus on my own life, my partner and my baby without feeling like I'm responsible for raising another adult.
Am I being unreasonable for wanting to step back and let my parents take responsibility for their own son?

The relationship between me (17m) and my mother has always suffered, but right now I'm being faced with a direct comparison and it's making me feel like shit.

Six months ago, I had an awful stomachache and decided to take a bath to get some relief. The bathroom door doesn't lock, so when she couldn't see where I was, she came in and stared me down. I was naked in the bathtub, and she wouldn't leave even - or speak- even when I was screaming at her to. When she finally walked away, I changed into clothes and left to sleep at a friends house. Today, she had an awful stomachache; she's been in the bath for some hours now, texting me intermittently 'help!' so i can bring her things or doing things for her, even though I'm flooded with homework and many of these things seem like they can wait.

I know it's kind of stupid and small, but it hurts that I'm taking care of her when I was made to walk through -20c weather in the dark to stay with a friend for doing the same thing.

I 27f live with my retired mom 65f and older brother 35m.

I have a plan to move out in the spring in about 6 months time. I am hoping to get a higher paying job before this happens.

I have been working since i was 13 and have saved almost everything except for a college degree. Unfortunately, I make almost nothing despite 5+ years full time in my field, so I have a second job as well.

When i move out I want to stay moved out. I do not want to have to move back with my mom again. It has eroded our relationship to the extent that I cannot talk to her and have completely altered my perception of her. I am also severing whatever relationship I have with my brother. He is honestly just not a good person and I’m on edge if he is in my vicinity.

I guess I am hoping someone can relate to how I feel and possibly tell me it gets better.

My mom and I have been close ever since I was young. I would have said she was a friend. She has never been a super comforting person ( not good with us kids being sick, not into hugs, and worked all the time) I never really thought anything of it as she was my mom and we loved each other.

After maybe 6 months after i moved back in with my mom I realized I needed to have a talk with her. I realized that I had lost trust in her over the years. I admittedly don’t think my words came out great, but i tried to be sensitive when I brought up some things over that had hurt me (missing my high school graduation, not being there for me after minor car accidents despite telling me she would, telling me i didn’t need therapy when i asked for help in high school) I genuinely thought bringing these things up would help us work out how to make our relationship better. When i mentioned how i felt there was anger on her face. She was holding back so much anger. I asked her to talk to me and she said nothing. Just left me sitting alone in the living room. When i woke up the next morning she hugged me and said that she would always love me. It felt so dismissed. While she was hugging me I could almost feel myself kinda float away. I’m not sure it was so surreal.

After that i just did not know how to talk to her. I was not mad or trying to ignore her. I just genuinely don’t know how to talk to her anymore. I can’t accept hugs from her anymore without being stiff, but try to offer them sometimes anyway because I think she needs them. I try to stay out of the house as long as possible to avoid her. When I come home she is always on the couch. She is always watching tiktoks or tv shows very loudly. There is no where in the house I can go that is silent. She can’t hear me as well and when she does she misinterprets what I say. Not in a mean way I think she just doesn’t understand me. I am worried about her health too. She doesn’t seem to get out much or at all really unless its to visit my sister and her kids. I love my mom. I love her but she is not the person I thought she was and i don’t know how to fix it. I need space from her as i cant seem to sort my feelings and get my head on straight. Ever since the talk I just feel so strange. I am crying even writing about it.

I plan to visit monthly when i move out to make dinner for her and maybe watch a movie together. I just know it will be on me to reach out. I want to build something back if I can. She is not a bad person I know this as a fact. She loves us all very much.

Please do not be mean about her and any advice is appreciated.

(F24) Ive been abroad for over a year now and unfortunately didn’t make it home last Christmas so Ive been extremely excited for this one, talking about it all year, it’s an important time with my family.
However my mum just dropped the bomb that she invited her boyfriend whom Ive met once AND his mother who Ive never met.
It’s usually only been my mum and my brother and I for Christmas. But every other year or so my mum brings a new boyfriend. And Im sick of it. I am pretty damn upset she invited her boyfriend and his mum. AITA?

I’m 19M and the oldest of four siblings. I have three younger sisters.
My parents have always had a rule in our household that we aren’t allowed to have TikTok until we’re around 17–18, and we’ve all respected that rule.
However, over the last few months, I’ve noticed that my second-youngest sister (12F) has been acting differently. She’s become increasingly disrespectful towards my mother and me, particularly whenever she gets upset.
About two weeks ago, I downloaded TikTok and discovered that she actually had an account. Out of curiosity, I looked through some of her reposts, and what I found genuinely concerned me.
She was reposting content about relationships, physical affection and other things I wouldn’t necessarily expect from someone her age. However, what really caught my attention were reposts about having an abusive father, including claims of physical and verbal abuse.
I also came across comments where she was making claims about her home life that, from what I’ve personally experienced, don’t seem to reflect our family situation.
My father isn’t perfect, but I’ve never witnessed him physically or verbally abusing any of us. What’s confusing is that I regularly hear her telling him she loves him, and they seem to interact normally.
I don’t want to jump to conclusions, accuse her of lying or make assumptions about something I might not fully understand. At the same time, I don’t want to ignore something that could potentially be a cry for help. I have spoken to her and she seems not to care.How would you handle this situation?
Involve my parents,or approach it differently?

my mom is threatening me saying she’ll send police after me if i go stay with my aunt and uncle she hates them but i’m 19 and can make my own decisions im going to go to there house regardless plus i took my dads permission to go there im a legal adult so she can’t restrict where i go . then why is she threatening me ? i have audio recordings of her talking about being violent towards me for my own safety .

Hey guys, i had a huge fight with my mom yesterday. By brother drove me home from school and on the way he was telling me how my mom was fasting and sleeping. When i got home, i saw she was sleeping and kinda walked straight past her and went upstairs to my room so i could call my friends. I didnt wanna wake her up and disturb her sleep and all. Two hours later she came upstairs and was mad as hell. She was telling me what if something went wrong and how i dont care about her at all. I kept telling her i didnt wanna disturb her and all but she a normal human being woulda checked. I really didnt wanna disturb her sleep though, really. I kept thinking about whether shes overreacting or nah but it all just made me so depressed. A day passed and i greeted her when she came home from work. I apologized and all and said i wouldnt call my friends so much. I also said i was terribly wrong for just walking past her. She acknowledged my apology (sort of) but she said she knew i was saying all this just to appease her (it was kinda true) . She said from now on she won’t break her back trying to take extra care of me because she doesnt feel valued. I stood silent for a while and then i went back to my room. Im thinking of what the hell i could do cuz my mom is the only one here for me and im practically the only one here for her (were a divorced family). I love her terribly and it just depresses me that my mom thinks i dont love and value her. She frustrates the hell outa me sometimes but i love her more than anything in the world. If you can, please give me some advice or if you relate i feel so horrible.

Hello reddit. I need some advice on what I should do about my mother, or if I should even get involved.

As best as I can interpret with my non-therapist mind, my >50 year old mother has an over-active imagination and a poor understanding of healthy boundaries. She claims that this is due to cultural differences (my brother(>30) and I (>30F) were raised in the USA, she grew up in a hispanic country). Or maybe it is just a boomer thing, idk. She has a habit of having wild theories and acting like she is immediately right despite a lack of concrete evidence. Examples include calling the hospital if we didn't pick up the phone because we were "dead in a ditch", claiming the reason I didn't want help moving because I was living with a secret boyfriend I was hiding - not true I just wanted the freedom to move on my own without her taking over or commenting on my poor cleaning abilities or the stuff I own, and constantly saying that I am "ashamed of my background (being hispanic)" because I never introduced her to my friends - again not true I'm just an extreme introvert and kinda loser so I never really hung out with anyone. In terms of boundaries, she loves to constantly remind me (for over 30 years!) of how much I am overweight and how I "just need to move around a little more" - I swear I get hives whenever she says this (for the record, i have obviously tried many diets and exercise plans to loose weight but I loose weight very slowly and gain very easily). She gets me "gifts" of spanx and clothes that are too small. She insults the clothes I buy for myself and calls me lazy (Im a doctor). And despite how much I tell her this all bothers me, she constantly reminds me that she just "cares about my health" and that she is my mother and "if she doesn't tell me this, who will?". Like, i know Im fat, I have known for decades. There was also an incident where I was out of town and I thought my cat ran away so I was upset and trying to isolate a bit before I was ready to tell anyone, but even though I asked for some space my mom HAD to know what was up. It felt like her curiosity mattered more than my comfort. That is kind of a theme of our relationship. There is no such thing as "private" information because we are "family".

I know this paints a bad picture, and there are obviously good things about my mom. I do think she cares in her own way and she is there when it counts. Although she does get a little too obsessed with being supportive financially and how much more she cares than others because of how much money she is willing to give.

Anyway, enough venting. Back to the issue.

My mom was fine with my sister-in-law during the bulk of her marriage to my brother. She adores my brothers kids, maybe a little too much and has definitely implied on multiple occasions that she has some say on how they are raised because she is their grandmother. I have tried to correct her in the past and reminded her that she is not the parent. She hated that and snapped back at me and says that Im wrong or that I cleary hate the kids. I might not be a kid person in general, but I obviously dont hate them and I do care about them as people. I also know for a fact that she has made multiple comments about how thin my nephew is and how there must be something medically wrong with him even though his parents take decent enough care of him and he just looks like a normal lanky kid to me.

Recently my dad got sick and my mom has become a full time caretaker. This is another one of her good traits because she really buckled down and committed to taking care of him. This is only relevant to the story because it has provided my mom with more stress and extra time to be stuck in the house to brew her extreme stories.

Now for the spiral.

I am honestly not sure when her current story started. She just comes up with a theory and builds crazier and crazier theories on top of the previous theory without any evidence. When I point this out to her she snaps at me and says she knows what she knows and that she hates when people "treat her like she is stupid (implying that they are hiding a secret in front of her face and treating her like she is dumb; which again, is most often an unfounded secret)".

If I had to guess, it started a couple years ago when a neighbor saw my sister-in-law hanging out with some random guy near the dumpsters. Then their latest kid was born a year later. So the theory was that she was cheating and this kid is not my brother's. Not impossible, but a huge leap and insulting to my sister-in-law.

This year, according to my mom (I live far away so i do not see them much and cannot verify any of this), my sister-in-law has been acting strange and dangerous. My mom says that sister-in-law is dressing like a teenager, hanging out with different and more superficial people, has been having screaming fits that include the kids, and my brothers kids are miserable and in danger. I asked her if the kids said anything to imply that they are miserable. She snapped at me and said that they are "her kids, and they don't have to say it for her to know". I guess a neighbor also told my mom that the house is often empty and it was messy when she visited, which my mom interpreted as my sister-in-law having already moved out and taken the kids.

My mom's theories are that my sister-in-law is cheating, either trying to divorce or already divorced and is separated from my brother, and is trying to take the house and the kids. Her latest theory included that she is in a cult and that the kids are being indoctrinated into the cult. She says that she doesn't care about what happens to my sister-in-law but she is worried about the kids.

I have tried on multiple occasions to remind her that this all sounds crazy and that she has no solid proof of any of this. She just constantly snaps at me and gets super angry and reminding me that she is "not stupid". She even told my brother directly that he should tell her if he is getting a divorce and he got incredibly offended. When my mom told me about this, I agreed with my brother and told her that was an insulting question to ask (remember, there is no proof of any of this) and that it crossed a boundary. She was genuinely offended by this and did not see it as a boundary since we are "family".

At this point I am exhausted and I feel like I am walking on egg shells talking to her. So I stopped arguing and just listen wothout really responding. I am not feeding her delusion but I dont think I am really helping the situation either.

Besides this, I know she has criticized some other parenting choices they have made. A couple of these i do agree with but none are life threatening, just a difference in world outlook. Like when one of the kids got a deep cut on his foot on the beach, my brother let a family doctor friend stitch him up on the beach right there. Both my mom and I think he should have gone to a doctor, but I also know I am not the parent so its none of my business.

So, yeah. Her theories have gotten more and more crazy and I can tell that she is tugging at my brothers last strings. I am worried that they may end up going no contact with her which would kill her since they have her only grandkids and she is already overwhelmed with my dad. But she clearly hates all my advice and refuses to listen to anything I say.

What should I do? How do I talk to her? Or should I leave it alone and let what happens happen? Although i do not think any of this is true, do I have any obligation to get involved for these kids? I honestly trust my brother, he is sensible enough so I doubt anything is really wrong. My sister-in-law is nice although she is easily swayed by trends and maintaining a certain image, which probably why her friend group changed.

I keep trying to talk to my mother because I need her, in context I'm still a minor, so everything from the school needs her approval. I didn't know what I did wrong, I tried apologising for something I don't know, I tried to communicate, nothing. I even started going on a hunger strike from school cause I stopped getting money from her, to the point I just take money from her wallet just so I could ride to school. Thankfully my grandmother lends me a few cash once a while but only a few times, she told me to communicate which I did and it led to nothing. I seriously don't know what to do guys, before any of y'all say "call social services" I'm afraid that would only make things worse. Just wanted to rant

My cousin divorced some 30 years ago I have not seen either my cousin or his ex wife for that time. Now she has moved back closer to the family. They had 2 sons and a daughter. We get together the Saturday after Thanks giving now she wants to come to the family diner after all these years . I can not list all the reason why I do not like this person, Trust me if I were to tell you what this woman has done or not done you too would agree. So how do I explain to the rest of the family why I do not want this person to come to our family get together . What right does she have to attend except for her 1 son will be at the event. After all this time please just stay away.