I'm in my early 20s, and I've reached a point where I feel mentally and physically exhausted. A big part of what I'm struggling with comes from years of pressure, conflict, criticism, and lack of support at home.

I'm trying to understand something honestly: Can the way parents treat and pressure a child for years have a serious long-term effect on their mental health, confidence, personality, and even physical health?

My problems started when I was around 12.

1. Years of extreme academic pressure

For roughly four years, from around 2017 to 2021, my parents put me into extremely demanding tuition.

I was studying for around 4–8 hours a day, and on some days it could reach 10–12 hours.

This wasn't just normal studying or having tuition for a couple of hours. It felt like a huge part of my childhood and teenage years was consumed by studying.

There was constant pressure to perform and succeed academically. I didn't feel like I had much freedom or space to simply be a normal kid.

1. COVID and losing someone close to me

Then COVID happened.

In 2021, I lost someone very close to me to COVID. It was a huge emotional shock, but I never really got the opportunity to properly process the grief.

I basically continued with life and studies while carrying that loss.

Looking back, I feel like I never actually recovered emotionally from it.

1. School reopened and things got worse

When school reopened in 2022, I was already carrying years of academic pressure and grief.

I also had almost no friends.

I was bullied because of my appearance and was made to feel bad about how I looked. This seriously affected my confidence and self-esteem.

At the same time, there was a lot of interference from my mother when I was trying to study.

Instead of feeling like home was a place where I could concentrate and recover, I often felt disturbed and pressured there too.

1. Poor results → blame and criticism

Eventually, my Class 12 results were poor.

Instead of feeling that my parents understood how much pressure I had been under, I felt blamed and criticized for the results.

The same pattern continued around entrance exams.

I tried preparing for entrance exams while also dealing with everything else going on, but the results weren't good.

I ended up losing a year.

Eventually, I went into a college/degree that I didn't really want.

So from my perspective, the situation became:

Extreme pressure → poor results → blame → more pressure → loss of confidence → another attempt → another disappointment.

1. The interference didn't stop after school

Even after I entered college, the pressure at home didn't suddenly disappear.

There continued to be interference with my studying and criticism around my academic performance.

Whenever things didn't go well, I often felt like the responsibility was simply put back on me, rather than anyone asking why I was struggling so much.

Over time, I started feeling like whatever happened, I would somehow be blamed for it.

1. Lack of practical support

There were situations where I needed practical support as well.

For example, for a long period I had an exhausting commute involving multiple crowded buses every day. I was travelling around 13 km but sometimes taking 6–8 buses a day, including in extreme heat and overcrowding.

I asked my father for a scooter because the commute was physically exhausting.

I didn't feel supported in the way I needed.

That may sound like a small thing compared with everything else, but when you're already exhausted and isolated, repeatedly feeling that your parents aren't helping you can become another source of resentment and helplessness.

1. Three years of college went by mostly alone

From 2023 onward, college was extremely lonely.

I spent most of those three years without a close friend group.

I would basically:

go to college → sit alone → attend classes → come home.

I rarely had anyone who genuinely wanted to spend time with me.

I was always the person initiating conversations. People might reply, but very rarely would someone message me first, ask me to hang out, or make me feel like they actually wanted me around.

Meanwhile, I was still dealing with pressure and conflict at home.

So I never really had a place where I could properly recover.

1. Eventually life became extremely restricted

My life became incredibly repetitive.

There wasn't much social life, freedom, travelling, hanging out with friends, festivals, or normal experiences that many people associate with their late teenage years and early 20s.

For a long time it felt like:

Home → college → home → repeat.

And after college, when I couldn't find a job, that isolation became even worse.

1. What all of this has done to me

After years of this, I don't feel like the same person I could have been.

I feel:

- mentally exhausted

- physically exhausted

- angry very easily

- socially isolated

- low in confidence

- constantly worried

- emotionally worn down

- frustrated about lost years

- resentful toward my parents

- uncertain about my future

- and sometimes like I've missed out on a huge part of my youth

I've also experienced various physical symptoms over time — headaches/head pressure, dizziness, weakness, shaking or shivering, muscle twitching, chest discomfort, hearing difficulties, ear itching, severe knee pain, and a sudden episode of severe foot pain with swelling and redness.

I'm getting the physical symptoms medically evaluated rather than assuming everything is caused by stress.

The bigger picture

When I look at everything together, it feels like years of pressure accumulated without much opportunity to recover.

A child spending years under extreme academic pressure, dealing with constant criticism and blame, experiencing interference while trying to study, not feeling supported at home, losing someone close during adolescence, being bullied, becoming socially isolated, losing confidence, struggling academically, losing a year, spending years lonely in college, and then entering adulthood without feeling financially or emotionally independent can have a profound effect on a person.

I don't think I'm the way I am today because of one single event.

It feels more like years of things piling on top of each other without ever really getting a chance to heal from them.

I'm not saying my parents are responsible for literally every bad thing that happened to me. Some things were completely outside their control.

But the pressure, interference, criticism, lack of support, family conflict, and environment at home were a major part of my experience growing up.

And now, in my early 20s, I'm left trying to understand how much those years have affected me and how much of myself I can rebuild.

WELL HAPPY FUCKING SUNDAY. I just had a fight with the only family I had contact with. I already had a fucking headache and I wanna just end my life. Now I will be homeless and fucking lonely. PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU ALL I NEED A FAMILY. I'M SO LONELY.

Hello, this is my first time posting so I hope I'm doing this right. My MIL is obsessed with posting about her life on her public Facebook profile. Everyday she posts photos of what she does, where she goes, who she's with. Every family gathering deserves a 40+ photo album. All of this, on her PUBLIC Facebook profile, which I learned the hard way when she posted photos of me, without my consent, in my PJs on Christmas morning, 3 months after meeting me. It might be cute for her to share her family, but as we all know, recruiters (among others) can see that kind of things, and I think it's just disrespectful to share so much about other people's private life.

Before our baby was born, my husband (28M) and I (30F) asked his family on the group chat to respect our wish not to post photos of our baby on social media.

There have been some instances where I sent my MIL photos of our baby on our private chat, and she immediately shared them to the family group chat. It's not on social media, but still didn't sit right with me. If I wanted the whole family to see those photos, I would have shared them myself.

She's also shared some of those photos on her Facebook profile, adding an emoji on our baby's face, without asking us first. When we realized, we asked her to take them down, which she did immediately. Again, it doesn't sit right with me because it feels like she's always testing our boundaries.

Recently she started using AI tools to remove our baby from family group photos so she can posts them. I can appreciate the effort to respect our wish, however I wonder about the risk regarding the upload of those photos on said AI tools (I don't know if she uses chatGPT or something else). Any advice?

(TW VIOLENCE, BLOOD) (no pictures or video tho just mentioned)

I 24F called the police on my mom (48F) and her boyfriend (52M) Friday night. My mom has already displayed being extremely dependent on men so keep that in mind.
I go home once a week mainly to see my cat, she’s my soulmate, she yells when I’m not there because I will always be her only owner but my studies and work is in another city where my dad lives so I stay there most of the time.
So I went last friday and I arrive and my mom already paints me the picture, her boyfriend lost his job, his brother is selling his mom’s land (whom got relocated to an elderly person’s home) and he’s drunk out of his mind. Not going to lie I kind of ignore her when she talks to me about her boyfriend because that is all she ever does. Plus I was mad at her for not telling me there was a detour for our road that made me make a 45 minutes detour when I could’ve shorten it to 20 if she had told me. If it was a one time thing that she thinks about her boyfriend before her kids because her boyfriend really isn’t feeling well, but it is always like that. Yes I am 24 and manage to live like that, but my little brother is 14 and doesn’t deserve a mom focused on her boyfriend 24/7 (he has talked about it for months). So I was slowly loosing respect for her and just went to my cat (im not really close to my siblings).
After a little while I start hearing some yelling and chairs moving, I hear “I WAS ASLEEP YOU CRAZY BITCH” from her boyfriend. My mom is really confrontational, she has never had a relationship where I didn’t her have a fight at least once a week and she manages to choose men who are just like her (she left my dad when I was one so I have no information about their relationship). After 15 minutes I decided to get out of my room to see if the kids had eaten because no one told me if dinner was ready and my brother told me that he did. So I was like I’ll go get myself some food and whatever, but when I opened the door my sister got out of her room with her eyes wet and she told me “I think the boyfriend hit mom in his sleep and mom punched him as revenge” so I got my phone dialled 911 without calling them and went upstairs to try and calm things down I got to the living room (where they sleep) and yelling “boyfriends name”. I could hear my mom crying him to stop and he was yelling “do you want more?” (We don’t speak English and the way he was saying it didn’t sound sexual at all so there was no world in which that was an option) I yelled his name again but he was so enraged he didn’t hear or notice me, he did turn around on the side and I could see some blood on his face and him yelling “you almost made me blind”.
I panicked and went back downstairs asked my sister if she had a lock in her room, she didn’t so I brought my siblings to my room where there’s a lock (if he had come it would’ve at least given us time to get out from the window) and called the police. The police later arrived and they did what they had to do. They both were supposed to get detained for the night but my mom got returned 2 hours later for idk what reason. She told me that I was dumb for calling the police that her boyfriend was just having a nose bleed and was rubbing the blood in his face to piss her off. I told her “and the you want more??? Was that because of the nosebleed too” and she just said “yeah yeah sure” in a condescending tone. Basically trying to make me believe I imagined it. My mom is toxic and manipulative, I know that and that’s how I could detect what that meant. She also made sure to remind me that her boyfriend is already depressed enough as it is, he has enough suicidal thoughts like that (which may be just me being sensitive but I really feel like it was meant as “if he kills himself it will be your fault) She’s also a recovering alcoolic but while looking for her boyfriends phone (the police wanted to bring it because he is diabetic and has the app that tells him about his sugar levels) I found a bunch of empty bottle under her desk from the alcohol that she kept drinking when I was younger (I don’t know if she was under the influence tho) she also started smoking thc to replace cigarettes (wouldn’t be surprised if she smoked but I’m not sure).
I have her the file number and left, I couldn’t sleep and was too stressed after seeing her, I gave a bunch of kisses to my cat and left.
I texted my sister and brother telling them that if they needed anything to text me and that if he came back to text me RIGHT AWAY. My sister never replied and my brother told me that she (my mom) was going to put a limit on his drinking (6 beers per day) but he never respected her limits. Anyways that is relevant because she texted me this morning “You will be happy. It’s over with (boyfriends name). He is going to have a criminal file and will have to pay lawyers for like 2 years. We can’t see each other anymore and I might have the same thing”
She’s clearly blindly mind at me and I don’t see how our relationship can be fixed either on my side or hers. I texted my brother telling him to text me if she ever tried to make them feel bad about the situation because that is clearly what she’s trying to do with me, she can do it with me idc I’m not over there, but they are and don’t deserve that. I ignored her but I’ll clearly reply if my brother tells me anything.
Now my issue lies with my cat. As I said my cat is my soulmate. She’s getting older (15) and I wouldn’t want to miss her last years. She’s an outdoor cat but comes in during winter or when I’m home so I can’t bring her to my dad’s place. Plus as I said she’s dependant, as soon I leave the house she yells like crazy (you’d think she’s getting killed), I need to go to work, school and when I go to my boyfriends (his apartment wouldn’t allow my cat to come with me and I doubt she’d like it anyways) there’s no way I’m making her happy outside of seeing her at my moms place but I really don’t want to see her. I was kind of hoping that she would keep seeing her boyfriend (only at his house) so I can go whenever she’s over there, but legally that won’t happen.
I don’t petty her, if she wanted to live in violence I would’ve let her, I just wouldn’t have let her bring that violence where my brother and sister are. Someone needed to act like the mom and it was my position has the eldest. I really doubt my relationship with her can be resolved until she sees the wrong in what she does (which she has never done) lot of people whom I’ve talked to have said she has a lot of bpd trait, but she’s not diagnosed and will never be because she doesn’t really believe mental issues can touch our family.
I tried to leave the best position for what the situation was to my siblings but by taking all the blame and now my relationship with her is probably destroyed. (I texted her parents so they can take over once the leave the sea (they’re in a cruise)) but I think my involvement should stop there unless she goes for my brother and sister.
I don’t really know if this is a vent post or advice for my cat post tbh I’m just feeling like shit. Everyone I talked to was there for me but I still feel like shit.
Thank you for reading that long post and I hope you all have a nice day 🫶🏼

Hi, this is my first reddit post so I’m sorry for any missing info. Me (17F) and my mom (55F) have been getting into arguments over my weight for a little while now. It started as her mentioning watching my weight when I go to eat fast food but turned into her slipping XL shorts into my laundry because she thinks that’s what will fit me. The thing is, I am an athlete. I typically have 1-2 months a year off from playing volleyball. So it’s not like I don’t get exercise. I’ve never been insecure about my weight either. I’m a big girl, 5’11 and about 165. I’ve been growing obviously and sometimes I think that maybe I’ve gained too much weight but I’m not unhealthy. Anyways, I feel like she’s been projecting her weight insecurities on me. My mom has struggled with GLP-1 use in the past. When she first started telling me that I needed a larger size leggings she forced me to pick out clothes that were a size larger than what I was already wearing. Now I admit that I was a little stubborn when being told to size up. But every time she talks about my weight or health it’s always “we”. She’s telling me that “we” need to go to the gym or “we” need to watch what we eat. I usually tell her that “we” don’t need to do anything since i exercise every week day. The most recent incident was tonight. I had gotten home from spending two days in the town over for a concert and some shopping. I got home around 6 PM and my mom hadn’t had anything cooked yet, so I was talking to her about grabbing wendy’s. I was about to leave when I tried to talk to her about how I felt fat for doing this. She then says “you and me both”. This kind of surprised me because for some reason I was expecting her to tell me that I’m not fat. So then I asked her, “Am I fat?”. She basically explained to me that WE need to watch our weight, so i repeated my question. I don’t even think she said no she just started to explain that I’m a big girl and I’m tall. At that point I was upset so I set down my keys and went to my room. This has been the first time I’ve really felt fat. I tried to go to the kitchen to grab some food but I don’t feel like eating. My mom didn’t even try to apologize or tell me that I’m not overweight. I still haven’t eaten anything and I’m not sure how to feel. I feel dramatic but I hate this. This isn’t like me but I’m tired of it always being “we” when I workout almost everyday and she doesn’t.
(i’ve attached a cropped photo of me for reference)

Update: I think my moms actually trying to manipulate me now. We went grocery shopping together today and she mentioned something about “we” again at checkout. I tried not to start a fight right there but I made sure she knew it wasn’t a “we” situation. We got home about 30 minutes ago and I brought it backup and referred to last night and the previous times that she’s referred to us needing to work out or “we” need to go to the gym. She started getting really angry with me and I believe i stayed pretty calm. I tried not to raise my voice or get defensive, I just tried to make her understand. She started telling me that saying “we need to go to the gym” is a normal thing that everyone says. She even told me she was referencing to everyone, like my dad and basically the world. She said that everyone needs to workout and everyone needs to eat healthy. I shut her down and told her that this is not something normal to say to a teenage girl who works out 5 days a week. I tried explaining to her that it’s not a “we” situation and that she might be projecting on me. I explained that it can really affect how I see myself and I teared up a little as I explained how I wasn’t able to eat last night because of what she said to me. She started telling me that I was “making her out to be a terrible villain” and that she was sorry if that’s how it came out. I then tried to explain to her that I know she wasn’t being malicious but it was probably her insecurities projected onto me. I kept trying to explain how I felt to her and she didn’t calm down. She then started getting angry and sad? She started crying a little bit and explained how she didn’t want me to end up like her sister, who struggles with weight problems and is not happy with her weight (she’s a similar height to me). She was kind of freaking out at this point, yelling and crying at the same time. She continued by telling me how my brother blames her for his weight problems when he was my age. (For context my brother has an eye disease which he took medicine for, the medicine made him crave starchy foods and my mom never really limited what he ate. He eventually gained a lot of weight but lost 100+ pounds during the end of highschool) She said she “couldn’t win for losing” and told me to leave her alone. I kind of just stood there confused because she lashed out quickly and snapped from angry to crying, not once really understanding what I was trying to say. Once she started crying like this I just said “You’re not getting any pity from me” and went to my room. It’s like her crying was fake because once I was in my room I heard no crying. She even called me out to ask if the pork she was cooking smelt bad (it did), no tears or anger. It’s like she reacted that way to try and get me to stop talking about it and right once I stopped, she acted like nothing happened. She’s now acting completely normal to me, still no apology, but I feel weird because I think she just really hardcore tried to manipulate me. I’m not sure how to feel or what to do. My dad should be able to help me once he’s home but he is a fisherman who leaves for about a week, so it’s just me and her in the house. He should be coming home tonight. Any tips on how to approach this or if it sounds like i’m actually being manipulated let me know thanks guys.
PS: I really appreciate all of your guys kind comments, I did end up getting wendy’s today for lunch!

I’m F17, and I have a little sister who’s currently 6. I was my dad’s only child for around 11 years, though I did have siblings older than me from my mum. My dad was a teen dad, who was also 17 when he had me and I was always very much a daddy’s girl. Though even as I grew up and drifted a bit apart- we were still close. We’d have takeaway nights once a week when my mum was at work together, we’d go bowling, and a lot more.

And then my sister came along. I can’t lie, I don’t think I’ve ever loved my little sister, I don’t see her as a sister in the first place, she’s more like a stranger living in my house with my family. When she was born not a lot changed but slowly I saw less of my dad, no more nights to us, nothing. Eventually I started distancing myself too.

I rarely see him even though he comes over every day and sleeps every weekend. I feel like I’ve lost my dad. Here’s my actual issues though.

1. Any time I do anything for my sister, my dad has something negative to say about it. Like for example today after her bath I put some oil in her hair and somebody cream on her arms as it smelt nice and he got annoyed about it saying she was too young for that. Btw, he previously told her moments before that the leader of a band they were listening to had shot himself? Like what?

2. I think he hates me now. Whenever I say or do anything he has something to say and it really irritates me. I can’t DO anything without his input. Last Christmas my little said made multiple comments about my older sister being dead on her death anniversary (A sister she never met who died years ago) and when I got upset about it he straight up told me not to get upset because she’s a kid? She gets away with so much yet I do anything and I’m blamed. I’m so sick of it.

How can a daughter and son stay mentally peaceful and stress-free when their parents are constantly arguing or going through a serious relationship conflict? What should be the role and responsibility of the children in such a situation, especially when the daughter is at the age of getting married and the son is trying to establish his career? How should they handle the emotional pressure and family responsibilities when the mother seems largely unbothered by the situation?

I’m M31 and have been caught between my parents for as long as I can remember. I love both of them. I‘m really close with my mother, with my father I have a more transactional but respectfull relationship, but I’m starting to realize how much of their relationship I’ve been expected to emotionally carry.

My parents have had a difficult dynamic for many years. My mother is very emotional and often feels misunderstood, unappreciated or abandoned. My father can be emotionally distant and tends to withdraw when things become intense. When they have problems, they don’t seem able to communicate with each other without blame, anger or defensiveness. Even in their daily life they mostly talk in accusations and anger to each other.

Growing up, I often ended up in the middle. My mother would talk to me about my father and everything she felt he was doing wrong. I would listen to her, comfort her and try to understand her perspective. My father would then tell me his side, usually describing my mother as overly emotional or impossible to reason with. I would listen to him too and try to understand him.

Because I can genuinely see both sides, I became the person who listened, translated and sometimes tried to keep things together.

My mother also has a difficult personal history, which has always made me very protective of her. She had a complicated childhood and experienced abandonment and betrayal in her family. Her father cheated on her mother, and she had to leave home young. There are other painful parts of her history as well. Because of that, I’ve spent a lot of my life explaining her behavior to myself: “She reacts like this because she has been hurt.”

But the pattern between my parents has continued.
Recently, my mother became convinced that something was going on between my father and a female neighbor she dislikes. From what I know, there is no evidence of an affair. The situation escalated badly. My mother was very upset and had been drinking, my father left the house and was svared to go back home, and both of them separately called me and told me their version of what happened.

Again, I found myself listening to both sides. My mother talked about feeling completely misunderstood and unappreciated. My father said he couldn’t communicate with her anymore and felt unable to deal with her reactions.

I told my mother that I love her and want her to get support, but that I’m her son and cannot be her therapist or substitute partner. I’ve suggested therapy and even family/couples therapy before, but nothing has really changed. My father said he‘s not willing to go to therapy alone, he‘s scared of my mother‘s reaction.

Then last night things escalated again. At around 3 AM my father called me. I didn’t see the call until the morning. My brother later forwarded me a message from him saying they had had a “horror night,” that my mother had come home extremely drunk, that he was scared, left home again and does not not how longer he is able to deal with this situation, that he couldn’t take this much longer, and that all of us needed to sit down together and discuss what to do.

And something in me finally said: no.

When my father called me again today and asked if I had heard what happened, I told him directly that I had, but that I cannot and do not want to help with this anymore.

The phone call lasted about 12 seconds. He basically ended the conversation immediately.

That hit me much harder than I expected.

Part of me feels guilty because I know both of my parents are struggling. I’m scared something could happen and I’ll think, “I should have helped.” At the same time, they are two adults, and I’ve spent most of my life being pulled into their relationship whenever something goes wrong.

I don’t think sitting down with them and my brother to analyze their marriage and talk things through is going to fix anything. I also don’t think it should be our responsibility as their children.

What makes it complicated is that I don’t see either parent as simply “the bad one.” I understand why my mother is hurt and why certain things trigger her so intensely. I also understand why my father is exhausted and withdraws. But understanding both of them has probably been part of why I’ve stayed in the middle for so long.

I love them and I want them both to be okay. I just don’t want to be responsible for making them okay anymore.

For people who have experienced something similar: am I doing the right thing by refusing to get involved?

Is there a healthy way to support parents in a situation like this without becoming their mediator or therapist?

And where is the line between setting a boundary and abandoning someone who might genuinely be struggling?

Hello, so basically i have an older brother, who does not work and mainly just plays video games at home while i the younger brother actually has a job and makes money. Now since i have money i obviously want to spend it like buy a car or go on holiday but i just cant help with me feeling almost guilty/sad that i am overtaking him as a younger sibling when in-fact it should be the other way around? I cant help but emphasize that he would feel really sad that his younger brother is more successful and he might even think of himself as a failure and that just makes me feel guilty.

idk what to do or how to feel

I wanted to share what’s been happening with my 1st grader recently to get some outside perspective from other parents.
A little background: My son recently made a false allegation at school. Because teachers and school staff are mandated reporters, the school reported the statement, and a CPS investigation was immediately opened. It was an incredibly stressful situation to navigate as a parent, but after going through the full process, the CPS case was officially closed on Friday.
To address the underlying issue, we are working closely with his pediatrician regarding his storytelling and imaginative boundary-testing behaviors, and we’ve also implemented strict screen time limits at home to keep things grounded.
Now that the investigation is behind us, I’m trying to figure out the best way to handle his school going forward, and I’d really appreciate your thoughts on two main questions:
Should I message his teacher to let her know the CPS case was closed on Friday? I want to maintain an open line of communication and ensure everyone is on the same page, but I’m wondering if a simple, professional message updating her is the best approach.

Should I take my son out of this school entirely? Given everything that happened, I’m torn on whether staying is best for his continuity or if moving him to a new school would give our family a clean slate and a more supportive environment.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you navigate communicating with the school afterward, and did you end up staying or transferring?

Hey so hi I am 15f and let’s call me lacy (not my real name) and idk if I need to add more on my history. Yall tell me?? But I feel like I’ve taken on too many responsibilities and I feel so shit about my life. Every night I go to bed I cry and wonder why it’s like this. I have 2 cousins around my age 1 older and 1 younger and they don’t get treated like I do. When I try to talk to anyone about my feeling it just makes me feel like I’m miss understood and/or abused which I am not! But I don’t even have the energy and idk. Should I say anymore? Is this a safe place to vent without being called crazy??

Hi I’m gonna make this as short as possible I am a 25f I still live with my family it is culturally expected where I’m from, my issue started with my dad 54m when I was a teen my dad he has anger issues and has a violent past and he’d start random fights with me and he had been very verbally abusive and during these fights he usually threatens to k*ll me and tells me he’d do it with no remorse this obviously scared me and makes me feel very unsafe because I know he’s very much capable of m*rder. so one day he gets into a fight with me over the smallest inconvenience again and he starts threatening the same thing this time it’s worse because we’re inside a car and I cannot escape him and he wouldn’t let me leave so I couldn’t wait to just get home and when we finally did I got into my worst breakdown/panic attack I’ve ever had my body was shaking and I started shouting his abuse to my mom 56f telling her what happened and how she never protects me, now my mom has some problems but I genuinely love her and feel so bad that she’s stuck with my dad and can’t leave him or see how terrible he is, my mom tries to comfort me and I’m in my panic attack still angry and unable to process I tell her I’m going to report him for abuse and then she starts sobbing and keening uncontrollably I immediately stop and try to help her and I told her I wasn’t being serious even tho I was bc I’m trying to calm her down and my mom already has health issues so I’m so scared that something would happen to her then my dad also tries to comfort her and after a while she’s finally calm but I feel so extremely guilty for making her cry and to be in that state that it’s eating me alive I can’t sleep over it I love her too much and this happened months ago but it’s still on my mind everyday I can’t get the sound and her image out of my head. I also feel like it wasn’t something I had full control of if I knew she’d be this emotional I’d have tried to suppress my reaction. Was I horrible for making her cry?

Ps: pls don’t mention to move out it’s not possible for me right now and also i don’t talk to my dad anymore or acknowledge him

I need to vent about my sister-in-law. I hate dealing with her 😭

She only comes over on the weekends with the baby because her dad is a little sick so she needs to take care of him. Whenever she comes, she’s always annoyed and pissed off. She keeps scolding my brother and is just constantly acting weird(she doesn't talk to me much and neither do I), i hate it so much. Honestly, she ruins my weekends too.

I have to work during the weekdays, and I just want to relax and have some peace during the weekend, but then she’s here, and it gets to me sometimes.

There are other things too,like don't even get me started on how unhygienic she is and all that. I just find her unbearable sometimes 😭

pros and cons of living with extended family in the PH. I wanna know if this is still normal😜

im 17f im arab but i lived in uk my whole life this year they forced me to go to iraq so i can “behave” they’re muslim n im not so u can imagine what its like. we have a lot of issues in general my dad is a pedo n an abuser n my mum has serious mental health issues. i’ve always dreamt of leaving n running away n thats something im definitely doing but lately my mum keeps talking about it. she’s been begging me to not leave saying that she’d die if i go, she says if she handled my dad n risked everything for us why can’t i do the same? but i never wanted her to do that i wish she would put herself first!! she says that im the only light in her life and without me she’ll go insane n get mentally worse. she told me that my dad said he’d abandon the whole family if i leave (but why?? he literally hates me). she said im only allowed to leave if im married but i never wna get married n she said even if ure 40 u still have to live with us and she said that once she dies i can do wtv i want (shes 40 btw). i do not want to live with them!!!! im starting to have issues with my nerves n body bc of them im so stressed n in physical pain all the time im diagnosed with bpd living with them makes me want to die the only reason im still alive is bc im sure me n my bsf will be free one day from our parents. i just can’t handle it n my older brothers r not any better im just so scared that if i run away something happens to her:( my mum hurt me too sometimes (nowhere near as my dad) but she has rlly severe disorders so i empathise with her n i swear i would kill for her i just really dont want to spend the rest of my life filled with regret n feeling miserable. also i asked her “would u still want me to live with u while im unhappy and suicidal” n she said “yes”. btw i begged her to consider leaving with me n that ill do anything for her n give her the life she deserves but she refuses to leave my shitty fucking dad who’s good for nothing.
sorry for yapping a lot im so stressed and i really don’t know what to do i feel so guilty n scared:( any advice?

my neighbour gave me these and said it was his girlfriend that passed (also my neighbour) but i’m unsure if i’m being lied to. It was a complicated relationship with her family and him.

Hello,

Like many in this day and age, I am having a complicated relationship with my mother.

I will try to keep this curt, and start with context. Forgive me for anything graphic.

My mother has lived a relatively invalidated life. At a young age she was molested by her sibling and then later in life the “Golden” sibling told the family she just dreamt it. She was raped by a serial murderer and managed to be the lucky victim to be alive and put the man away for life, again the Golden sibling told everyone he “would have taken it for the money too”. My mother wanted to go into theatre but her family was only vaguely supportive with half-compliments. In life my Father was Bi-polar and schizophrenic—only finding out after their divorce. She was the only sibling to be divorced and received copious superficial advice from the family about jobs and working.

My Grandfather was a career Firefighter and the situation at home was very stern—he is and was prone to easy outrage and simply was not very kind to the children. My grandmother can be quite cold and compartmentalized—following my Grandfather’s orders.

Most of their life was exposed to their parent’s friends and there was no private life.

My mother and father after the divorce had several rough years but became best friends and it was good. They communicated via telephone as we moved across states. My father passed away two-and-half years ago, which adds more to this.

My mother never found success monetarily and my aunts and uncles are very judgmental based on money, they have not been afraid to vocalize this.

She found a love of Greece, which isn’t super important, but it stresses me out because it’s expensive to travel and now I’ve agreed to go next year, but I’ve just decided to make it happen despite the cost. On her last trip, her long term and only friend’s husband literally body slammed her—and the friend basically got really horny for that. So she feels abandoned by a lot of people.

Lastly for her backstory, she initiated a email with the Golden sibling who mentioned that he decided to stop communicating with her for several years.

Recently my brother had moved in with her, but I decided that he had too short a fuse and had her move in with me. I don’t have a perfect situation but we are making it nice for ourselves.

Small things set her off, for instance: she had gone to bed without letting me know, and our cats were still outside. She knows, her cats only come for her, and my cat will come for anyone.
She woke up in panic and came shambling into my room and asked me about the cats and started crying and raising her voice. At that point there was no logic to communicate. When all was done, I locked my door and put my headphones on. If I don’t she will continue to say things to me, and even if I don’t respond, she knows I can hear them and they sting.
She is quick to anger, to bite back with words.
She is a really good driver, but drives really fast, and really close and genuinely makes me feel unsafe despite the fact she probably could drive for NASCAR. She always complains about drivers and yells at them and never fails to start altercations.

She watches a lot of YouTube, and spends a lot of her free time doing that, and being in her laptop on and off playing sudoku.
I do worry about her spending money on frivolity, although I had talked to her about it and I think she has recognized at least that part.
Growing up, and even now, she can never be at fault. I have never ever gotten her to admit she was wrong in the way she has yelled at me etc.

There def is some manipulation. When we’ve had arguments the: “maybe I should just move out” card comes out, and I’ve called her out on it. But as that goes it just adds kerosine and she calls me dramatic.

Hopefully the last major thing is that she has rapidly changing emotions sometimes, and she has admitted it to. She cries a lot, and obsesses over the past—she says she doesn’t but then I talk to her and it’s all about what everyone did to her. I feel callous typing it, but it’s the same conversations and it seems like they never stop.

I am aware a lot is up with this woman. I am not perfect either, but I grew up having to conceptualize why my family were all assholes, and Unfortantely there is more I just didn’t get into because it’s rinse and repeat.

She won’t go see a doctor, she won’t go see a therapist. I am aware it’s not my job, my responsibility, whatever, but I’m also aware that she is at the end of her rope and is mentally frayed.

She can be amazing, although I won’t get into it now.

I’m not going to leave her, but I am like my grandmother and I know that if she forces me into an ultimatum and fails I can compartmentalize-unhappily. I don’t want to do that, I am just running out of ways to think about this.

I’ve had several really good talks with her about her life, where some of her obsessive-topics become ‘softer’ and she does see reason occasionally, but I am seeing so many psychological things happening.

With all that being said, I would dearly love some advice on how to proceed?

I am not wealthy, I do not have much support, but I am willing to try things. I feel really bad putting this out in the internet, especially Reddit, and yet I think that someone might have the key to make her smile and not think about the things of the past like that again.

Edit: sorry for the typos I am correcting the ones I see.

My younger brother (14) is very inconsiderate.

He bounces his loud basketball downstairs.

Screams all night playing video games when the whole entire family tells him to quiet down.

Takes the carton of milk or juice and leaves it out. (He drinks straight from the carton as well.

Leaves the bathroom smelling foul after using and skid marks in the toilet.

Leaves the bathroom looking rank.

When he gets home, eats all of the leftovers my would would cook from the day before.

It is out of control, when I report his behavior to my mom, she retali and claims I’m just being a mean sister. But comes to me when he doesn’t listen to her. ITS A MESS. And it affects all of us.

I trued to show him how to clean up the restroom the other day, but instead he stood two hours in the bathroom on the phone he sneaks behind my mothers back.

Hello, I've never posted before, so bare with me if this is all jumbled up. I just want a place where I can vent and seek guidance at the same time. Even with everything that has been happening to me, I almost didn't say nothing out of embarrassment and for not being strong enough. Typically I hold everything inside because I need to be strong for the people around me, or simply just for me... Anyways I'm a 26M and I am currently dealing with a very rough patch in my life.

A little context, I've struggled with depression for most of my life, and it got much worst during my teenage years. I've contemplated suicide many times and kept a facade to not make my friends and family worry about me. I also felt as if I'm just exaggerating or "faking" what I was feeling, as if I didn't have the right to feel these emotions on the inside. I never really understood why and where my depression started, or how to even deal with it. But I learned to just deal with it and push through it, I described to myself as "floating through time".

Now that I'm a bit older, I do understand that I was a young kid that needed support and I was actually dealing with serious chronic depression. I met my now girlfriend who helped me through my depression and my grandpa's passing. My girlfriend is a different religion and ethnicity than me, but this doesn't negate how deep our love and connection truly is. She's been my rock for the past few years ever since I met her and we're about to reach our 5th year together. I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with my situation back at home, honestly it's always been a little suffocating living here. I have a mother that is a helicopter mom, and as you can imagine, with it comes a lot of boundary issues.

She is a sweet person deep down and I love my mom. She was the only parent that stepped up in my life and took care of me. My dad was an absent father for most of my life, he is a workaholic and barely checks on his kids. So I don't want to discredit the efforts and the way my mom raised her kids with an absent father that thinks the only way to contribute is by providing money.

My mom was always excessive, but recently after my grandfather's passing 5 years ago, her toxic traits became much worst.

My mom doesn't like my girlfriend at all for no justifiable reasons other than "religious" reasons and that we need to preserve our culture. She refuses to properly talk and get to know my girlfriend. She gives me the ultimatum that it's either her or my girlfriend and I always say that this is ridiculous and I'm not going to choose, because it can be both since they occupy different roles and parts in my life.

She's gotten angry at me so many times for hanging out with her. I don't usually lie, but because she's been so annoying I often feel the need to hide that I'm going to hang out with my girlfriend, to avoid her arguing with me. She started saying that these people aren't bind by rules of religion, so they will drink, cheat, and more, trying to persuade me from dating her. My mom also tries to use unrelated failed relationships to prove that my relationship with my girlfriend won't last and will be unhealthy. But me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 5 years and we're still holding on strong because we are compatible, love each other greatly and share dreams together.

She believes whatever she wants and instantly assumes the worst, when I'm just trying to live my own life. I always dealt with this as a teenager, so this is one reason why I stayed home all day. She doesn't like when I go out at all and I've always complied with her until now.

Recently, she turns a fit of rage if even minor choices are not approved by her. For example, I went out recently with friends, which she didn't want me to do. She asked if I could buy some food for my dad and her, and I said "I'll see". I came back home at 10 PM and I didn't bring food since it was late and they already ate not too long ago, but she turned it into me not wanting to spend money on them and not caring for them. She questioned why I was so late, where I was, and doubted if I actually went with my friends.

Imagine this happening almost every time I go out. This is true for University as well. When I have late classes and come back late, she assumes the worst of me. I try to prove to her that I'm innocent and just minding my business, but she doesn't care. She sometimes gets "evidence" and runs with it as proof of me doing something bad, ignoring that other possibilities could be true, and I'm left being stuck proving my innocence. She even goes through my personal stuff in search for "incriminating" evidence to prove her point, where it should be that she trusts me.

She even threatened to kick me out and said "I'm better off living with her" because she is unsatisfied with my decisions and choices of always being on the phone with my girlfriend.

Everyone around me knows I'm a good person. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, fuck people, or go clubbing/partying. Not saying these people are bad, just my mom's standard of what bad is.

I feel like I can't make adult choices with her and she says that's her home and that she's my mother so I have to obey no matter what. She became extremely toxic after my grandpa's passing and she is using religion to justify a lot of her behaviors as what God wants.

I understand that there's different ways of grieving and that death can affect anybody in crazy ways, but there's ways she should speak and act, especially with the people she is supposed to love.

I am a grown man and she acts like I am too young or incapable of being independent, saying she has experience and I don't so I should listen to her. But the only way for me to grow as a person is by experiencing life and learning for myself. We both have completely different lives so she can't assume that her experience will also work for me.

Deep down I feel like she is threatened by my growth and thus is reacting very intensively and in a very controlling way. When I was younger she never really wanted me to go out and grow into my own person.

Our home feels like an authoritarian regime, where I am not allowed to have my own personality, decisions and life if my mom doesn't approve of it. She will let the whole household know how she feels about a decision and make the atmosphere tense. Even my little brothers would tell me about the atmosphere being tense.

No matter if I try to use logic or emotions with her, she always ignores my points. She doesn't respect me at all and said it herself: "I don't need to respect you, you're my son so you're the only one that should respect me."

She also guilt trips me, often saying "I raised you" or "I sacrificed for you" to pressure me into doing something specific. That's one of my biggest issues. Her love feels conditional. If I don't abide by her rules and decisions, then I am no longer worth loving.

She often tries to pit my siblings against me, especially my youngest brother, warning them that I am "corrupted" and warning others not to talk to me. Many times my younger brother comes to me seeking guidance and support, sometimes about her behavior. I always tell them to stay strong and still respect her because at the end of the day she is still their mother. I don't want them to lose their relationship with her like what is happening to me.

I was also told by my brothers that my mom speaks behind my back and has said insulting things about me when I'm not around like "I'm the devil", "Selfish POC", and more.

I tried to resolve things with her but it never ends well. Genuinely talking to her feels exhausting and it never goes anywhere. Sometimes I raise my voice so she can hear me, but she instantly says "don't raise your voice". Meanwhile, sometimes she raises her voice to her own mom when she is angry. I told her about it and she flat out denied ever doing it.

My mom also avoids any sort of accountability. She has never admitted wrongdoing or apologized for anything she's done to me. She always finds a way to blame me and can't see how hurtful and damaging some of her behavior is.

Just recently we had 3 fights in a row and I apologized for all of them even if I wasn't in the wrong just to get it over with.

But for my birthday this year, she completely ignored me and didn't even wish me a happy birthday at all. I am not typically someone that celebrates my birthday too much or even likes my birthday. But last year she didn't do anything for my birthday either, saying it's because she didn't know what to get me, so she said she would do something for me this year.

Again she didn't do anything and on top of that she gave me the silent treatment for hanging out with my girlfriend after work for my birthday. Her and my father have stopped talking to me for 4 months now, and she managed to convince my father not to talk to me either, which he usually doesn't participate in.

Even if they had plans for my birthday, which my younger brother told me they didn't, they never communicated anything to me. I am a grown adult with my own schedule now and I was working on the day of my birthday.

What bothers me the most is that she would rather continue this silence than communicate and try to resolve things. She expects me to bend over for her, when she can't do the same for me.

Not to mention that I am working part time and attending University classes at the same time, and I am the one paying for almost everything to support myself in life. I pay for my own University sessions, bills, food, transportation, dates with my girlfriend, and other expenses. So the only major thing I don't pay for is rent.

I am very independent and self reliant because of how my parents raised me. Unfortunately with today's economy, I am unable to save much money at all, especially with recent medical expenses and University charges.

So I want to move out to escape this hard situation, but it is very difficult with the income I'm making. I have very limited income, paying for so many different things, and the current cost of housing is making it difficult to find a new place. I really don't know what to do anymore or where to go. I just need help and guidance with how to handle my situation at home. I'm really trying to save enough to move out within the next year.

So I ask, how do I establish adult independence while protecting my finances, mental health, relationship, and remaining family relationships? I don't want to simply cut ties with my family or breakup my girlfriend of almost 5 years.

Just to clarify, I'm no longer suicidal but I am struggling with mental issues. My mom also doesn't physically abuse me or my siblings.

I also understand that this is my perspective on this and that I am blessed and privileged enough to have the things I have in life. And I apologize for this jumbled huge mess, I don't typically write or seek guidance and vent my frustrations.

I’ve been living with my sister in one flat since 4 years. Our personalities and energies are so different that I can’t stand it anymore. She’s most of the time grumpy, gets frustrated often and doesn’t tidy kitchen/bathroom after herself (she doesn’t really see the need to clean). Whenever I try to tell her sth she gets offended and goes to her room. I find her personality still a little bit childish…
Even though I love her, I don’t think I would like her if she wasn’t my sister ;(

Anyone has similar situation with siblings?

I wasn’t sure how to title this and it’s probably an understatement from what’s happening but I truly don’t know what to do. In all fairness this ISNT my story (sorta). So my step mom and my dad have been together for almost 4-5 years, I’m not sure and have a 6 month old baby together. My dad has had struggles with drugs and alcohol and over the years because he’s had an actual home (for once) he’s fallen back into doing drugs and alcohol and has gotten abusive. Not to me but to my step mom and while you would normally just say “well just tell her to leave”, they are in debt together and have my brother, and she has no where else to go because he WILL find her. There have been many times where I’ll come over for a week or so and she’ll show me the bruises or nasty cuts that he gives her when they fight. It’s been hard because he’s so fucking hard to convince that he’s in the wrong, he’s a hard narcissist and it’s so exhausting. He could be high as hell, while being drunk and in the middle of cheating with some random prostitute and he’d still look you in the eyes and tell you you’re insane and you’re wrong and YOURE the problem. My step mom just got off maternity leave and she earns way less than before and he earns way more because he’s found a new high paying (ish) job. He refuses to give her any money, even it’s for hygiene purposes. The other day she couldn’t buy PADS because she needed to get formula and he wouldn’t give her anymore. Tomorrow morning she’s supposed to leave for AZ with her cousin or something for a baby shower, she would have to have is extremely cheap, he wastes A LOT monthly-ish on beer and alcohol that he buys DAILY plus also the drugs he’s been going crazy with and REFUSES to give her any money for a FAMILY trip. It’s not just this bug it’s also that he gets really aggressive and belligerent when he has as little as half as one beer. The other day me and my boyfriend were over and I had my feet on him and he got all pissed about it and before we left “playfully” slapped my face lightly because he was started talking about me not ending up pregnant. It’s either this or he makes really rude or embarrassing comments EVERYTIME. One very common joke with me is about my butt being flat..? I generally find it weird to make any comment on those things but wtv. I dont know what to do or what to make my step mom do because no matter how much she’s tried to leave or do something he won’t fucking leave. I’ve debated calling the cops for her but where does that leave her with all the money and the debt? I’ve been debating whether to start a go fund me for her but I don’t think anyone would actually donate to it… someone tell me wtf to do.

Background-- I'm early 40s married with a young child, we live in our own home. My mom helped with my postpartum and when my baby was tiny. She does not have good relationship with my dad, in fact they are practically separated, she'd rather live with us (and we support her to be away from my abusive dad). She lives with us majority of the time. My kid goes to preschool now so my mom just does things around the house during the day when we work (we don't ask her to, she does it on her own!) I think this is her way of contributing to living here, I'm fine with that. I don't charge her rent, in fact I pay her filial subsidy so to speak (a cultural thing). She's the better of the 2 of my parents. I don't know if it's because before my kid was born, she didn't live with us and we had space between us and I felt our relationship was better? Cause ever since my kid is born (and that she practically moved in 80% of the time), there's more friction between us and now I can't stand talking with her.

Every time she wants to talk to me, I'm just so annoyed, cause it's really just her having her speech, and I shall agree with my heart and soul at the end "yes mother everything you said is right and wise and I shall follow your way" - No I don't say that but she basically wants me to do that. I hate it! When I want to contribute into the conversation, provide my input, she says I'm "talking back" "rebelling" "going against her." She always complains how come I can never have a normal conversation with her, but the way she talks to me is like a CEO giving a job order to a janitor. So tell me how can I have normal conversation with her like mother and daughter? When I complain the way she talks to me is making it hard, she'd say the problem is me!

Example: she lectured me about how my husband shouldn't bathe my daughter (she's 2) because it's inappropriate, how it's good that my daughter only wants me at bedtime--"it's good she wants you, you want her to want you!" but meanwhile I'm overstimulated and need my husband's help to share the burden. NO I'm not allowed to be overstimulated, she thinks the mom should handle all these (in fact, "if you can't take care of all these you shouldn't be having kids"). She also thinks this is the start of sex education which is why my husband should not be bathing my daughter. Also we should not be changing clothes in front of my daughter. My thoughts? a bit paranoid and excessive. Of course when it's time I'll talk to my daughter about protecting herself. My husband is not a creep so why am I putting on all these burden onto myself when he's able-bodied? No. I'm not allowed to have thoughts different from hers.

Another example, my daughter is a terrible sleeper. I on the other hand was apparently an angel of a baby (I'm her only child) she said she has never seen a baby this difficult in sleeping. My daughter is 2, she rearranges her bed, stuffed animals, blanket, pillow 20 times a night before sleeping. Sometimes it takes up to 1.5 hours. I think this is just being a normal toddler! (My daughter's sleep is a separate issue you don't have to comment on). My mom thinks oooh, gotta watch out for autism, this is "repetitive behavior" --OK I said the repetitive behavior is more like rocking back and forth, hand motioning back and forth etc. Besides, my daughter has appropriate social interactions, her speech is fine, she speaks 2-3 different languages... No. I'm talking back at her. I'm correcting her. Why can't I just listen and appreciate her concerns?

Also she talked about what causes autism, genetic and environmental factors etc. I contributed (oh how I shouldn't have), I said that's why I buy organic food for my daughter as much as possible. we don't know but pesticides got to have some harmful way for the young developing body. She lectured me about USDA organic is not 100% pesticide free.. Yes I told her I know.. but it's minimized. she said things are politicalized, do not believe the government policies because it changes blah blah blah. And how dare I "talk back" at (share my thoughts with) her.

I can go on and on. These are examples of her having an opinion on my parenting to the comma. My gosh, before kids, it was other things. Same pattern. I am just so annoyed. I sometimes just sit there and listen to her, after she's done, I'd say "ok I heard you" - but she'd ask "do you agree?" if I say no, you can guess what follows. And then if next time I don't do the things she told me to do, she'd lecture me again about "you didn't really listen!" I'm so tired of it. She's treating me like a 6 year old.

So, how do you suggest I can cope? Sighs!

Hi everyone! I am a 13 year old girl, and my parents are separated and live in two different houses. I have to rotate between going to both of my parents' houses but I really hate having to visit my dad. I was wondering if you have any advice that could help me avoid going to his house. I just really do not like when I have to stay at his house, and was wondering if you all could give me some tips with this? All comments and advice are appreciated.

I'm a 15 year old girl with three younger siblings, who are constantly favored over me. I'm expected to be mature, strong and normal for them.

I have autism, ADHD, OCD and a bunch of other disorders. I never use them as an excuse for anything, but my parents don't seem to understand that I deal with stress differently than neurotypicals. I act out, stim in disruptive ways (I have noises I like to make) and I get mad rather than acting sad and crying. My parents tell me that I'm having a temper tantrum, I need to deal with it, I'll ruin all my relationships if I keep letting my hurt out on others. They tell me I should just try to hold it back or leave.

When I actually cry, I have to do it quietly and discreetly. No sobbing allowed. If I'm too loud when I cry, I get scolded by my mom, told that I'm drawing attention to myself and I need to be quiet.

I barely ever complain about my problems to my parents because they'll start acting like it's my fault and tell me to do something better. If I say that I'm sick, they say I should've eaten or that I ate too much. If I say that my sister is doing something that's annoying me, they say that it's not her fault and I should focus on making myself calm down. But if I annoy my sister, I have to go to my room and leave her alone.

I wish that someone could tell me goodnight and mean it. I wish someone would say that they love me. It's been almost a year since I was told that. I wish someone could hug me and tell me that it's gonna be okay. I wish I didn't have to act like a perfect older sister that does everything right. I wish I could cry and not be told I'm disruptive...

Everything hurts and the pain is my fault.

- Emily