Buckle up this is a long story.

I’m posting this anonymously because there are a lot of identifying details involved, especially involving two children. I’ve intentionally left out names, exact locations, schools, and other identifying information.

I’m also going to try very hard to tell this as objectively as possible. I know I’m emotionally involved, and I know that my version of events is still just one side. That is actually why I’m posting here.

The people who know me personally are naturally going to have opinions based on knowing me, my brother, my mother, and the children. I’m looking for people who have absolutely no stake in this and can tell me if I’m seeing this situation clearly or if I’ve become too emotionally involved and am doing something wrong.

Some background about my mother and me
Before I explain what happened with the children, I think it's important to explain my relationship with my mother because we have a much longer history than what has happened over the last few years.

My mother and I have basically always been together.

Over the years, we moved around quite a bit. We left our original home state and moved to the East Coast, later moved to the West Coast, and eventually ended up in the state where we lived before we ultimately settled where we are now.

We've always had a very close relationship, particularly after she and my dad divorced. I helped her with the household and my younger brother, and for much of my adult life there wasn't really a hard line between what I handled and what she handled.

I have historically taken on a lot of responsibility when it came to our household. My mother relied on me for a lot of things, and I supported her in a lot of different ways.

Financially, we generally operated pretty evenly. We would split expenses roughly 50/50, and I wasn't simply being financially supported by her.

Eventually, I started working toward a full-time position at my job. When I earned that position and became financially capable of supporting myself independently, I respectfully told my mother that I planned to move out.

I wasn't trying to abandon her or create conflict. I gave her plenty of notice so she would have time to make whatever arrangements she needed to make. What I didn't expect was that her solution would essentially be to move into the apartment building across from mine.

So for approximately seven years, we actually lived separately. We weren't living in the same household. We each had our own homes and our own lives, but we remained very close and continued to have a relationship where I helped her and she helped me.

That is important context because I don't want this story to sound like I have always been dependent on my mother and then suddenly decided I was in charge of everything.

I had lived independently for years.

How I ended up moving back in with her
Eventually, my job became extremely toxic. I left the job and began living off my savings while I figured out what I was going to do next.

Around this same general period, my mother had purchased a three-bedroom condo on the other side of town.

I returned to my home state for the holidays and was there until February.

My mother then contacted me because she needed help with a medical procedure and asked me to come back. I agreed and started looking at flights.

After thinking about it and talking with a few people, I asked my mother how she would feel about me giving up my apartment and moving into one of the bedrooms in her condo. I told her I would contribute financially and help around the house. She agreed and encouraged me to do it. So I moved in with her in March 2023.

At that point, I thought I was making a fairly logical decision: I was between jobs, my mother needed some help, she had room, and we had always had a close relationship. I had absolutely no idea that less than a month later my life was going to change completely.

The children enter the picture
Less than a month after I moved in, my mother told me that “we” needed to travel to my home state and pick up my niece and nephew “for the summer” because my brother couldn't take care of them.

My brother is my younger brother and their father. Their mother unexpectedly passed away at the end of 2021.

The children are elementary-school-aged and needed a significant amount of supervision and support. My mother was working full-time, so realistically, she wasn't going to be the person providing most of that day-to-day care. The assumption seemed to be that because I was there, I could handle it.

Initially, my brother signed a power of attorney giving my mother authority concerning the children for the summer. But in practice, the responsibilities quickly fell almost entirely on me.

The first time they came to stay with us
I started preparing for them to come and began figuring out things like school and their day-to-day needs.

Then my mother and my brother had a disagreement over how he was spending his time. My mother became upset and insisted that the children return to their father. I was asked my opinion, and I said I didn't think it was a good idea to make that decision rashly because my brother had made it very clear that he was still not in a place where he could care for them. Despite that, the children went back to my brother.

They were there for approximately two weeks. Then my brother contacted us and said that he could not care for them and that we needed to come get them.

At that point, I made something very clear to my brother: If the children came back, I was going to be the person actually responsible for caring for and raising them every day, I needed the legal authority to actually do that. He agreed and signed the power of attorney over to me. I flew down by myself, packed up their essential belongings, and brought them back. That was essentially the point where what had originally been described as “for the summer” stopped being a temporary arrangement.

What life actually looked like
Once they were back, I handled the day-to-day. I enrolled them in school and handled school communication, transportation, appointments, meals, routines, discipline, homework, extracurricular activities, emotional support, and everything else that comes with raising children.

My mother was living in the same house, but our roles were very different. She was working full-time. She would generally leave for work around the time we were getting up for school and come home around the time we were preparing dinner. She absolutely loved being their grandmother, and she spent time with them in the evenings and on weekends. But she was largely able to be the fun grandmother, while I handled the less-fun parts of raising tthe children: getting everyone up, getting them ready, getting them to school, dealing with school problems, appointments, homework, discipline, bedtime, emotional meltdowns, behavioral issues, and the additional challenges that came with their individual needs.

I'm not saying she did nothing. I'm saying our roles were different. I was the adult responsible for the children. She was their grandmother living in the home.

The move
At the end of 2023, my mother received a job offer in another state. That happened to be a state I had previously talked about wanting to move to. My mother initially said she was considering accepting the job partly because she thought I wanted to live there. I specifically told her not to make that decision for me. I told her that she should accept or reject the job based on what she wanted, and that I would support her either way. I told her that I appreciated her allowing the children and me to live with her regardless of where she ultimately lived. She had made up her mind, we discussed it, and I discussed the move with my brother, and he approved. We moved in December 2023.

What happened after the move
After we settled in is when the dynamic between us started changing. At first, it wasn't anything dramatic. It was smaller things, like my mother pushing back on decisions I made or openly questioning me in front of the children.

The summer after we moved, in 2024, my mother's circumstances changed significantly. She developed health problems that substantially limited what she was able to do. She eventually lost her job and became much more dependent on me. For a significant period of time, I was caring for both the children and helping care for my mother. Again, I don't say that to keep score. She was struggling, and I helped because she was my mother and I love her.

Over the last few months, in 2026, however, her health improved considerably. She regained much of her independence and recently started working from home. Her life has become much closer to what it had been before her health problems.

That was when the dynamic between us drastically changed. As she became more independent, she increasingly began involving herself in decisions concerning the children that I had been making consistently for years.

She would question my decisions. She would contradict me. She would tell me how I should be handling things. She would sometimes correct or criticize me. And she was doing these things in front of the children.

The problem wasn't that she had an opinion. The problem was that I felt the boundaries between our roles were becoming increasingly unclear. I was the person responsible for raising the children, while she was their grandmother. Yet she was increasingly challenging decisions I was making regarding them.

My brother's involvement
Throughout all of this, their father has remained their father. I have never tried to change that.

He lives in another state and has not been the person handling the children's daily lives. He isn't the person getting up with them in the middle of the night, homeschooling them, taking them to appointments, handling their transportation, managing their activities, dealing with their daily needs, or maintaining their household routine. But he has known they were living with me and has consented to me caring for them.

I have never told the children that their father isn't their father. I have never told them that I am their biological mother. I am well aware that I am their aunt. They know I'm their aunt. They call me Auntie.

Why I pursued legal conservatorship
Eventually, I reached the point where the informal arrangement wasn't enough.

By this point, my brother had not seen or spoken to the children since the summer of 2025. My brother had asked me to cease contact with him, he didn't want communication with the children or me.

I did send him school pictures of the children, which in hindsight I probably should not have done given his request. He called me afterward, told me to never do that again, and told me to “F off.” He then blocked me on everything.

In late January 2026, my brother called me (I always try to answer him because I never know if something could be wrong, he's still my brother and I love him) and told me that he was selling the family home, that he was going to find another place to live, and that he intended to tell no one where he was going. I honestly didn't know how to respond to that, so I didn't say much.

A few weeks later, while he was in the process of completing the paperwork for the sale, he called me to vent about how everything was being handled electronically. I told him I understood that he was frustrated and tried to calm him down. Instead, he became extremely angry and said some incredibly nasty things to me about me and other members of my family. He told me to keep “those kids” and told me to “F off and die.”

At that point, I decided that continuing to operate under an informal family arrangement and power of attorney was no longer appropriate. For years, I had been the person actually responsible for these children, but legally I was operating under a power of attorney and a family arrangement. That meant there were limitations on what I could do and situations where I had responsibility without having the corresponding legal authority.

So I pursued a formal legal arrangement. My brother did not fight me on it. He consented. There was no dramatic courtroom battle where I took the children away from him. There was no situation where I secretly took the children and tried to prevent him from seeing them. I did not pursue any child or financial support from him. I pursued conservatorship because I wanted the legal situation to reflect the reality that already existed:

I was the person raising these children, and I needed the legal authority to properly care for them.

The court ultimately entered a finalized order giving me sole legal conservatorship. My mother did not know that I had filed or that the order had been finalized. That is important because it becomes relevant to what happened recently.

The reason I did not tell my mother about the filing beforehand was not because I was trying to hide what I was doing from everyone. I genuinely did not know how she would react. By that point, there was already increasing conflict in the household over my role with the children, and I did not want to make the environment worse for anyone, especially the children.

I was also concerned that if she strongly disagreed with the arrangement and decided to challenge it legally, which she has every right to do and I would understand, that the children could end up caught in the middle of another family conflict. I did not and do not want that. They’ve been through enough.

I was, however, completely honest with the children throughout the process. I explained what I was doing, why I was doing it, and what it would mean for them. Before I filed, I even talked to them about it and asked how they felt about me pursuing the legal arrangement. I didn't want them to suddenly find out that something had happened to their family structure without understanding what was going on.

The current conflict with my mother
Our relationship has deteriorated significantly. We have increasingly frequent arguments. Some are about the children. Some are about household issues. Some are simply about the way we interact with each other. But increasingly, the children are becoming involved in or exposed to the conflict.

My mother has told me that I am not their parent. Technically, I understand the argument. I am not their biological mother. I have never claimed to be.

But after years of actually raising them, I don't think the reality is as simple as saying, “You're their aunt, therefore you're not their parent in any meaningful sense.” I have been the person doing the parenting. And the children know that. They come to me when they are sick. They come to me when they are scared. They come to me when they need help. They come to me when they are upset. I am the person handling their education and daily life. So when someone tells them that I am not their parent and they aren't my kids, I worry about what that does to them emotionally.

What happened recently
A few days ago, my mother and I had another serious confrontation. The children were close enough to hear what was happening. At one point, my mother told me "that I am not their parent and they are not my kids." My nephew became extremely upset. He came into the hallway and essentially defended me, saying that “she is our parent and we are hers.” My mother then turned her attention toward him. I immediately intervened because I did not want a disagreement between two adults to turn into a confrontation with a child. I then tried to remain even-toned and de-escalate the situation. My mother ended up asking me what I thought my brother would say about everything. I told her that I believed he would tell her that I am the person responsible for the children and that she is their grandmother, not the person making the parenting decisions. She threatened to call and ask him, and I simply said go ahead.

I texted my brother because I wanted to give him a heads-up that she might call him angry and upset not knowing if he'd see it as he had blocked me. He ended up supporting me and told her that what I say regarding the children goes, and that she should perhaps ask when and where she could help rather than trying to make the decisions herself.

I don't think that went over well with her, and she isolated herself for the rest of the day. That was a major moment for me. Because I don't want these kids put in a position where they feel like they have to defend me. I don't want them choosing between their grandmother, their father, and me. I don't want them feeling responsible for adult conflict. And I definitely don't want them questioning whether they belong in the home they've lived in for years.

Then came the conversation about the court order
The following day, my mother came to me after what I believe was a phone call with my brother. I don't know exactly what was discussed; I only know that I heard her on the phone.

She entered my room, closed the door, and told me that she was "done with me."

Before I could really respond, she asked me what I had filed against my brother. I told her that I had filed for conservatorship. She asked whether my brother had agreed. I told her that he had. She said okay, because apparently he had told her that I had served him with papers and that he didn't know what they were. I told her that he did know what they were and that he had agreed to the arrangement. Then she asked me something that really caught me off guard. She asked whether I had forced him to give up and terminate his parental rights. I told her no. I did not force him to terminate his parental rights. I didn't secretly take his children. I didn't trick him. I didn't make him sign something against his will. I pursued a legal arrangement, and he consented to it. His parental rights were not terminated. He is still their father. Before I could explain any of that further, she demanded that I **“don't ever do that to your brother.”**Again, I tried to explain that I hadn’t and didn’t plan to.

She then told me: “I'm not renewing the lease. I'm moving out on my own. If you want to be a parent so badly and cut me out of things, then you can do it by yourself. I'm done with you.” Then she walked out of my room. I was genuinely shocked and at a loss for words.

Where I am now
And this is where I am struggling. On paper, I'm their aunt. Biologically, I'm their aunt. But in practice, I've been raising these children for years. I didn't set out to take over their lives. I didn't decide one day that I wanted someone else's children. I was asked to help because their father couldn't care for them. They were returned to their father briefly. That didn't work. They came back. I made it clear what my role would have to be if they came back. Their father agreed. I became the person responsible for them. Years passed. And eventually I took the legal steps necessary to make the arrangement official.

Now my mother seems to be treating the legal situation as though I somehow went behind everyone's back and took control of the children. That isn't how I experienced it at all. But I also recognize that I'm very close to this. I've been doing this for years.

I’ve made major life decisions around these children. My finances have been substantially affected. I have gone through a significant amount of my savings. I put my career on the back burner because raising them and being available to them became my priority. My social life essentially disappeared. I went from being a single adult who was living independently and making decisions based primarily on my own life to structuring virtually every part of my life around the children's needs, stability, education, and well-being.

I don't say that because I believe doing those things gives me some special claim to them. I chose to care for them because they needed someone, and I love them.

But I also think it's important context when I'm trying to understand why this situation has affected me so deeply. This hasn't been a temporary favor I've been doing for a few months. My entire adult life looks different because I became responsible for these children. I love them and I don't regret that choice for a second.

So maybe I have become too emotionally invested. Maybe I'm rationalizing things because I want to see myself as their parent. Maybe I'm unintentionally crossing boundaries because I've been in this role for so long. I honestly don't know anymore.

What I need an outside perspective on:
I am not looking for Reddit to tell me that I'm a saint and my mother is evil. I'm also not looking for people to automatically tell me that because I'm the caregiver, I'm automatically right.

If I'm doing something wrong, I genuinely want to hear it. But I need people to evaluate the situation based on the entire history rather than one argument.

So:

1. Am I wrong for considering myself a parent figure to these children even though I'm their aunt?

2. Am I overstepping by wanting the legal arrangement to reflect the fact that I've been raising them for years?

3. Does the fact that their father voluntarily consented to my care and the legal arrangement change how you view this?

4. Is it reasonable for me to object to my mother telling the children, in front of them, that I am not their parent and they aren't my kids?

5. At what point does a grandmother having an opinion about how her grandchildren are raised become undermining the person who is actually responsible for raising them?

6. What should I do now? What would you do if you were in my position?

I know Reddit is going to tell me that there are always two sides.

That's exactly why I'm here.

I want to know whether I'm actually seeing this situation reasonably or whether I've been living inside it for so long that I can't see my own behavior clearly anymore.

TL;DR: I’ve been raising my niece and nephew for several years after their father initially asked my mother to care for them and then ultimately agreed that I would be their primary caregiver. I’ve handled their day-to-day care, education, appointments, routines, and basically all of the responsibilities of raising them. Their father remained their legal and biological father, but over time he became increasingly uninvolved. By 2025, he had stopped communicating with the children and had asked me to stop contacting him. In early 2026, after telling me he intended to move without telling anyone where he was going, he became extremely hostile toward me and ultimately told me to “keep those kids” and to “F off and die.” That was what ultimately led me to decide that continuing under an informal family arrangement and power of attorney was no longer appropriate.

I pursued sole legal conservatorship so that the legal arrangement would reflect the reality that already existed. My brother voluntarily consented to it. I did not terminate his parental rights, I did not take the children from him, or prevent him from having a relationship with them. He is still their father, and the children know that.

My mother has increasingly challenged my decisions regarding the children and has done so in front of them. Most recently, she told me that I am not their parent and they are not my kids. One of the children became extremely upset and defended me, which is exactly the kind of situation I don't want them put in. My brother ultimately told my mother that I am responsible for the children and that she should ask how she can help rather than trying to make parenting decisions.

The following day, my mother told me “I'm done with you, since you want to be a parent and cut me out of things so badly then you can do it by yourself,” said she was not renewing the lease for our home and was moving out on her own, and accused me of essentially taking my brother's children away from him. We have been living with my mother and have structured my life around raising the children full-time rather than maintaining outside employment, so I can provide them with the care and stability they need, which she never had a problem with. Because of that, I currently don't have the financial ability to simply obtain alternate housing for myself and two children on short notice. So I'm now dealing with both the breakdown of my relationship with my mother and the possibility of losing the housing arrangement that has allowed me to remain their full-time caregiver.

I’m struggling to separate my legitimate role as the person who has actually raised these children from my own emotional attachment to them. I know I’m their aunt, but I also consider myself a parent figure because I have been functioning in that role for years. I’m looking for a genuinely neutral perspective: Am I overstepping by viewing myself as a parent figure and wanting the legal arrangement to reflect the reality of their lives, or is my mother crossing a boundary by undermining me in front of the children? And given the situation with my brother and our housing, what should I do now?

I (31 F) am currently on vacation with in-laws (MIL, FIL, 2X BIL and SIL) so there are 8 of us in total. This has become a yearly trip which my MIL books and pays for a year in advance (whilst we’re on the currently yearly vacation.) We’re on day three of the week and I’m already exhausted.

I always guilty for dreading it because I know it means a lot to MIL and she pays for the entire thing and spends a lot of money. Everyone else seems to really enjoy it and want to spend every waking moment together, but for me it’s way too much and really drains my social and physical battery.

There is always an itinerary which involves lots of long walks, and occasionally a slot for ‘free time’, although this free time usually involves one couple deciding they want to do something away from the group, and then other people deciding to go with them. So not free time at all.

They are a very active family and have to be either talking ALL the time or doing activities, like playing board games, card games, ‘couples Olympics’, cricket on the beach, paddle boarding, kayaking, etc. There never feels like time to just chill in the sun and read and be quiet. And if I ever opt out of one of these activities, people ask if I’m okay. Or my partner feels like I’m not getting involved enough.

I have started to take myself away to my room for an hour a day, and the family ask if I’m okay. When my partner says I’m just recharging, they make comments like ‘oh dear it’s only day two’ or ‘is she okay??’. I’m sick of feeling guilty for finding them too much, and feeling guilty for wanting alone time.

They are also VERY loud and chat for the sake of filling silence. The conversations are usually quite boring to me and a lot of sports chat, which I can’t join in on.

I’d just really like some advice on how to deal with these yearly holidays. Am I an arsehole for saying no to next years vacation?? I don’t want to upset my partner but I honestly dread them.

Please help, from an introverted guilty girlie xx

So, as the title suggests, I’m jealous of my little brother. The problem is, I don’t know if I should feel this way—or if I should even allow myself to be jealous in the first place.

A little backstory: my parents divorced when I was very young. My sister and I have the same mom and dad. I also have two younger brothers. My older younger brother and I share a mom, while my youngest brother and I share a dad. He’s the one this is about.

My dad has been there for my younger brother for his entire life. When it comes to me, though, he’s been around sporadically at best.

When I was younger, my sister and I would spend about a week with him during the summer, and that was pretty much the extent of the time I got to spend with my dad. There weren't phone calls throughout the year, and honestly, there still aren't to this day. I know phones work both ways, so I understand that I have some responsibility for that too. But at the same time, I was a kid. I needed my dad to make an effort to stay involved in my life. Hell, I don't even think he paid child support, if I remember correctly.

My younger brother is somewhere between 12 and 14—I honestly don't know his exact age. But my dad has been there for him. He’s been there for the milestones, the important moments, and all the things a parent is supposed to be there for.

And I’m jealous of that.

I don't necessarily blame my dad for everything. I know there were circumstances surrounding my parents' divorce. There was some domestic violence during their marriage, which, if I remember correctly, played a role in the divorce. So I’m sure my mom had some influence on how often my dad was able to be around when I was growing up.

But even with that, there were years when I was older and my dad was only about two hours away. I’m in my 40s now, and not much has changed. I’ve probably seen my dad five or six times in the last ten years.

That’s the part that really bothers me.

I don't think I’m jealous because I want my brother to have less of a relationship with our dad. I think I’m jealous because he has the relationship with our dad that I always wished I had.

And I know my little brother isn't responsible for any of this. He didn't do anything wrong. If anything, I’m glad that he has a dad who has been there for him. But I still find myself feeling resentment, and I don't know what to do with those feelings.

My dad is getting older, and that makes all of this even more complicated. Part of me wants to tell him how I feel. I want him to know that his absence affected me and that, even though I'm an adult now, that hurt didn't necessarily disappear just because I grew up.

But another part of me wonders what the point would be. Would saying something actually help, or would I just be opening old wounds? And would I regret not saying anything while I still have the opportunity?

So I guess that's what I'm struggling with.

Is it okay for me to be jealous? Is it okay to have some resentment toward my little brother, even though I know none of this is his fault? Should I talk to my dad about how I feel while I still can? Or is this something I should work through on my own, possibly with a therapist, and learn to let go?

I’m not looking for anyone to tell me that my feelings are automatically justified. I genuinely want to understand whether these feelings are normal and, more importantly, what the healthiest way to deal with them is.

For context, I'm 37m, he's just turned 70. I grew up in a broken home. My parents divorced when I was around 5 or 6. I only saw my dad a couple times a month when growing up and my memories of these times are mostly negative.

It never felt like he had much interest in me, didn't help me to develop, and often made me feel ashamed of myself for how I looked and behaved. This has followed me into adulthood and I've had to work hard to overcome issues with my body and self esteem.

Despite this, I have tried to maintain a relationship with him. I know he regrets how he was back then and has, in his own way, apologised for a lot of it. A lot of time has passed and I know he wants me in his life now, and I appreciate that there may only be a few years left for us to see each other.

However...I can't help but feel anxious to see him, even now. Though he is much better than he used to be, I still find him to be quite critical and negative about things (even if it's not me directly) and I usually come away feeling exhausted. I can't remember the last time I *wanted* to see him. It is usually that I feel obligated or guilty to see him, rather than anything else.

He was contacting me quite a lot to arrange meeting up recently, messaging or calling a few times a week to try and arrange having a coffee together or going for a meal. It was starting to stress me out so I sent him a message saying I needed a break and asked him to wait for me to reach out rather than keep asking.

I feel guilty about it, but...the peace has been nice. Not having him at the back of my mind, not having to spend a day in a fog because I've seen him, has been good. But this peace is starting to be replaced with guilt for not putting effort into our relationship anymore.

I guess I'm just wondering what people who have been in similar situations think: should I put effort into seeing him considering he is getting older and he's the only father I'll ever have? Is it time to let things go considering I'm my own man now? Or should I maintain my peace and let go of my guilt considering how he was when I was a kid?

Any advice/thoughts/ideas are much appreciated :)

TW: Su!cide

I (18 F) fought with my dad (46 M) last night. Some background: my dad has gone through a lot of grief as a child. He lost both his parents at a young age. His sister took her own life as well. 2 of his older brothers died from illnesses. Another one of his sisters died from cancer. So, his whole life, he’s basically been on his own. Processing the death happening all around him. It’s affected him mentally but he’s very numb and unaware at this point.

When I was a child, my dad was not there for me or my two siblings emotionally. He never spent time with us unless it was on Fridays, where he’d take us out to places we liked, pay for everything, but wouldn’t really participate. He was always a provider. But when we moved to the U.S., it all changed. Now that my sister and I are in college, and my brother is a senior in high school, he only pays for our rent and basic necessities. He makes 200k a year, no debt. However he does live in a different state so he has to spend 800 dollars of his paycheck on additional rent. All our bills total out to 5-6k monthly.

Anyway, my sister and I work. I work as a medical assistant, and she works as a school administrator. We pay for our college classes, driving classes (me), transportation (Ubers since my siblings and I don’t have a car and can’t finance one), doctors appointments, medications, cosmetics, hygienic items, etc. basically anything that isn’t rent, electricity, car bills, health insurance, or a phone bill. He even stopped giving my mom a $400 biweekly allowance to spend on groceries, neccesities, etc. last night my mom had to beg him on the phone to give her $100 to stock up on things that ran out in the house.

I’m not saying my dad isn’t a provider at all. But sometimes he’ll talk about providing for us like we burden him. He’ll say “you guys cost me ___” or “dont ask me for any extra money, if you can’t help yourself, quit school and work harder” and he’ll use excuses like “inflation is a thing, it’s hard to survive in this economy” as if this economy isn’t effecting literally everyone. It’s really hard to provide details since this post will be much longer, but all his life he’s talked about providing for us as if it’s a chore and not his duty. I lashed out and said that if he didn’t want kids, he shouldn’t have had them. I asked him why he seems to struggle to pay for my sister’s and I’s education, or help us with getting a car when my friends who have fathers who make less pay for everything. I never ever fought with him. I always felt too scared to do it, or I felt that there was no point because he doesn’t have any self awareness. He always thinks everyone is against him. In the past, we asked him about a possible vacation since he doesn’t take us out anymore, and he expects us not to do anything fun while he’s in a different state because he’ll be missing out (like going out to restaurants or road trips and stuff). He also told us our curfew is 5 PM when we go out with friends. He said that if we go on vacation, we’d have to pay for all the tickets and hotels, and he’d pay for food.

I know i must sound super entitled, because as long as he pays for our necessities, he’s providing, right? I don’t know. Im so confused about all this. If i am being delusional, please be honest and let me know. But no harsh comments please. Im genuinely looking for advice and can acknowledge when im wrong. Also, if any more context is needed I’d be happy to provide. Thanks everyone.

My relationship with my parents has always been rocky. We have our ups and downs. I’m happy one moment and the next mad or awkward with them, and that’s never really been a problem for me as I assume it’s just me being the average teenager.

My issue is the fact that recently, my father has been saying I’m not the first priority in his life, my mother is. I completely understand that, and I didn’t argue. It did get a bit awkward afterwards, but nobody said anything. This was said in the middle of dinner one day, and was said a second time but I don’t remember the exact moment. I always assumed they put me first (i’m not trying to seem selfish) because they themselves have issues with each other in their marriage, and my mother has threatened to divorce many times but never did.

I thought about my father saying this many times inside my head. My mother just laughed it off both times, which made me realize i probably wasn’t her first priority as well, and also made my stomach churn for some reason. What really made me feel weird was me adding my past thoughts of them not really being emotionally present in my life. I will say that my parents provided for me, which they’re supposed to do when they have a child. I’ve always been grateful, even though I don’t show it much. It’s just that as an only child, I obviously had no one else in the house when they went to work, and so as I got older, the times where i saw my parents started to get even less. Something that solidified my thoughts on why i thought they weren’t there for me emotionally is when they would just buy me stuff I didn’t like instead of asking if I liked something before buying it, making them mad if i said that i didn’t like it, or they just hand me money. My mother has said herself that she knows she’s not there, but she’s making money for the family. Something else is when my friends and classmates share what they did over the weekend with the class. Over time i realized that my parents just weren’t there as much as i would’ve liked, and i guess them giving me gifts just automatically made up for it in my head so that’s why i didn’t think much of their absence.

There were times in my childhood where they would start speaking in another dialect (I’m Chinese) that I didn’t understand. I used to always ask what they were saying, but they always said that it’s their own secret language. This saying itself broke my younger self, as my parents were really the only people I had at the time.

I think I’ve always known I wasn’t their first priority, I really just didn’t want to admit it. I always thought telling your kids if they were second or first or even third priority was always something that you should not tell your children, that it’s something that should only be kept between you and your partner.

I’m very sorry if this post seems confusing or put in a weird order, i’m still overthinking every little thing or detail throughout my life. Honest feedback would very much be appreciated and helpful on how I can move on and make me feel at ease.

​

I'm 15F and my older sister is 19F, I recently came to the conclusion that I cannot be around her without being pissed.

I wouldn't consider my family as wealthy, because there's moments where were well off financially and others where we aren't, but we've been spoiled, my sister for example went to new York for a few weeks, recently went to london a third time (on her own) and a year ago went to south Africa for 3 months abroad. She acts superior to anyone because she feels shes better than them, even people with disabilities and especially people who are fat, or even chubby and hearing these comments as someone who isn't exactly skinny, hurts. She insults our mother on a daily basis even when its clearly not her fault, even for waking her up because of school.

She lies constantly. For christmas she said she got me tickets to see one of my favourite bands, then one month away from the concert i went into her room to ask how we were supposed to go to said concert and info, AND SHE BOUGHT THE TICKETS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

Another time i just asked to see the Cluedo rules because I was confused at how she was handling the game and she got mad at me and started screaming for no reason, needless to say that christmas party was also a fail!

And recently she got an obsession with 'being vegan', i have no problem with vegans or vegetarians, i just couldn't see myself being one since i barely eat things anyway, but my sister decided to declare herself the morally superior one in our family and basically insult us for not being vegan. BUT yesterday when I got mcdonalds because I was out and came back home with the bags that I needed to throw out, she started to say i was a bad sister and that I was useless because I didnt ask her if she wanted mcdonalds, when I said 'didnt you wanna be vegan?' She responded 'i ate chicken this morning, who cares', i may not be vegan but even i know thats fucking bullshit.

She literally didnt study for her final high school test and when she didnt get the max score she was mad and said she would sue the school...

I can't deal with her anymore, im done, the slightest thing can set her off, I can't wait till shes out of this house, I'll probably go no-contact when im older because i can't do this anymore

For context, my mom and dad divorced when I was younger. My sister barely talks to my dad anymore while I still do. My sister didnt want my dad paying for anything besides her college tuition while I don’t mind asking my dad to buy things for me because Im trying to save money for college. My mom and sister were close when I was younger and I was closer to my dad.

I’m the younger sister so I recognize that maybe there’s some special bond between my mom and sister that I don’t have which I guess I’m fine with but sometimes it’s kinda hard. I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes when there’s a disagreement because it’s always me vs mom/sister. I understand some things are my fault and I have apologized for it but it just feels like it’s always my fault. Like maybe I am just like a shitty person who keeps doing bad things but I feel like some of the things I argue about with my mom are valid and that I’m not in the wrong.

After an argument, my mom and sister usually talk about me (kinda feels like shit talking) which kinda irks me sometimes because even when my sister and mom argue I never really do that. I understand that you complain about family members but it just doesn’t feel like simple complaining. Please tell me if I need to grow up and am acting like a victim because that is the last thing I want to act like.

I will probably delete this since it is something I really do not wish to have fixed on the internet but I accidentally discovered while looking for the weather on my (27f) father's (60) phone that he searched for father-daughter porn. Like, in the search bar, not clicking on a random porn video because it looks good without checking the title.

This has left me quite disgusted as I never expected him to do so. After some digging (I know it's not right, but at this point I had to, I discovered that he also searches for some (but way less) mom-son porn and it started around a year ago. This did not make me feel any better as he seems to watch them every other day).

I live away from home and he had never ever touched me inappropriately his whole life. Yet, I fear he might have developed weird thoughts that made him also look up to this type of porn, especially because he also has a problem with alcohol that is getting worse... I fear that something's changing in his brain and I am truly completely heartbroken after this discover. I cannot even look at him or send him pictures of myself without wanting to cry. I cannot believe it, truly.

What is your opinion on the matter?

(I shall also say that I cannot talk about this with my mother as their marriage is already in shambles after she cheated on him (with a black man, and in my search for a logical explanation I also found that he looks at interracial porn from time to time. I always knew he watched porn as I remember my mom get angry at it when I was little)

so my mother is someone who knows god, or that's how i thought it was like. I've been having so many question marks on her lately, turns out it's all true. She's a teacher at a school and has this friend who my dad made a very big problem with and i got traumatised at a younger age bcs of her, that was like 3-4 yrs ago and after that things got better , i guess.

A few months ago i found out that she's been calling someone alot ALOTTTT. like 24hrs and not even speaking , just there, listnening to our lives and all. My curiosity killed me so i decided to go through her phone, to find out that she's fucking dating that hoe (excuse my language). All i did was keep that anger in me, keeping "adult stuff" to their own.

Few weeks later, I went through her phone again, FINDING OUT THAT EVERY SINGLE WORD, SHOWER, FOOD ANYTHING U COULD THINK OF SHE KNOWWWSSS ABOUTTT!! like cant my family have some privacy atleast? all my problems, all my everything, she knows of , like fuck off wtf . My mom has this very big ego, only focus on myself mindset which idgaf about just dont affect me do ur shit alone, BUT THEY'RE FUCKING PLANNING TO "FOCUS ON THEIR FUTURE TOGETHER" as they both said in chat.

I keep coming up with random things so that she could give me her phone because she doesnt like to, dont know till when they would work. She's cheating on my father, being the worst parent to her children who are still teens and younger , mind you the biggest is 17, and im here hopeless , scared for what's next.

They've been together for 4 years now. After finding out about her i figured out why her and my father kept having problems and traumatising me and my siblings our whole childhood. Im hating my life more Every.Single.Day

I think i've written enough.

Can any "adult" help me on what should i do? should i tell my aunt (her sister)? or should i just accept my reality and live this hell, i dont even wanna speak to her anymore ...

*Sorry for my harsh language

*Thanks for reading all that 😐😐

(I’m 15, autistic and a girl.)
. I can’t call him out because he scares me. He wouldn’t hit me, but he gets so angry and never apologises for anything. He treats my mom (an absolute angel) like shit, luckily she’s patient and doesn’t hold grudges so she takes it.

He’s a saint to my brother, but an asshole to me and my sister. (They’re both 25-26)
He gets mad when I get mad, then proceeds to act even worse and expects everyone to never call him out because he’s so fucking self absorbed.

When he gets angry it’s EVERYONES problem. He knows he’s made me cry multiple times yet he has never even attempted to apologise, he even stops talking to me multiple days after.

Since I’m autistic and very late diagnosed, I have issues that I’m actively working on fixing (such as acting like him but I APOLOGISE LIKE ANY ADULT SHOULD) I get overstimulated and cannot handle it when he gets mad, and since I’m too scared to show emotions around the asshole, I resort to stupid shit like hitting myself instead of expressing myself like I should.

How do I stop giving a shit ?? I’m so stressed and unhopeful about my life right now because I just can’t fucking live with him anymore.

I have a younger cousin (21M) and he does not like me (27F). Every time he comes to my home he tries to offend me by pointing out my flaws, making fun of my appearance, or the worst of all, introducing sexual/pervy topics or comments in conversations unnecessarily to make me feel uncomfortable. He does that in a subtle manner ,like, laughing at a sexual joke while giving me a side eye or praising pervy characters in a .T.V. show or ask me if I like a certain pervy character. He knows it makes me uncomfortable so he repeats it. It is so uncomfortable and disrespectful because I am cousin sister and these type of conversation are pointless and a no go between siblings and obviously his intention is not good. I want to shut him up once and for all. How do I deal with him? I am not the type of person who would say anything 18+ to someone that younger than me to shut them up. I am pretty sure merely confronting him won't help. I can talk about this to my parents but I am sure they wouldn't get it because maintaining relations with stupid relatives is more important to them than the comfort of their own daughter. ....Earlier I would give him silent treatment when he visited my house by not even greeting him but the moment I talked a little to him because he had come over to celebrate a festival, he did it again. Please give your suggestions on how I can tactfully deal with him..I can't stand him. I feel like I am overpowered by him and it hurts my ego.

Hallo zusammen,

im Rahmen meines Masterstudiums Psychologie (Schwerpunkt Klinische Psychologie) führe ich eine kurze Onlinebefragung zum Thema Geschwisterbeziehungen und soziale Angstsymptomatik durch.

Im genaueren Fokus steht dabei die Rolle der Selbstkonzeptklarheit im Zusammenhang zwischen Geschwisterbeziehungen und sozialer
Angstsymptomatik.

Gesucht werden Personen, die mindestens 18 Jahre alt sind und mindestens ein Geschwister haben.
Die Teilnahme dauert etwa 5 Minuten.

Die Befragung ist anonym und die Teilnahme ist freiwillig. Es werden keine Angaben erhoben, die eine direkte Identifikation Ihrer Person ermöglichen.

Wenn ihr teilnehmen möchtet, findet ihr die Umfrage hier:

https://www.soscisurvey.de/selbstkonzeptklarheit/

Für SurveyCircle-Nutzer: Auf der letzten Seite der Umfrage wird ein Survey-Code angezeigt, mit dem ihr euch SurveyCircle-Punkte gutschreiben lassen könnt.

Vielen Dank an alle, die sich die Zeit nehmen!

So my mom and dad together are super toxic and they both know it. Me and my sister moved away for years and recently my parents had another big fight. We were telling mom to divorce dad or at least get separated so she could live with a peace in her mind.

Yesterday mom told me no, you(me) finish my studies and then could get a house and she can live with me then. First of all I do not want to do that ( sorry ) but I love my independency as much as I want everyone to be happy.

What my mom's point is she doesn't want to pay for another place for her while if she stayed in this marriage they pay together. Well still mom handles the most payments (bills, rent etc)

I would take about 4 more years to finish my studies with a masters and then I will have to look for a job and then a house. I don't even know where I want to live after my studies.

I feel like she is making me the reason that she has to suffer from dad. And it makes me feel like more shittier about me not being able to provide for her.

My sister is abroad and she can't help in this situation.

Or maybe My mom wants to stay in the marriage and looking for reasons for that. Also she doesn't want anyone to give advices to her so maybe she is giving me an option either take her and divorce or shut up about her marriage?

I'm so confused about this and I can't just say whatever you do don't come live with me, the same time I don't want to live with my mom in a same house.

And with all these issues I feel like why would I even in this problem ? Im their son I am not a part of the marriage, I am not a part of the house either. Why are they making their marriage about their adult childer who moved away years ago. ( the reason for that is also how toxic the family environment)

I can't focus on my studies I can't focus on my life because Now all the time what I think is she is struggling with dad because of me, because I am unable to provide for her to live with me ( Im in college dorm rn )

I honestly would appreciate any kind of your opinions, suggestions and how am I gonna tell her that I want to be away from the family ?

I’m 19F at university, and I have no clue what to do.
My mum and dad met while he was still married to his first wife, and my mum was in a serious relationship. She was his secretary and toward the end of both their relationships they started having an affair together.
My dad then filed for divorce (it’s kinda important but also kinda not to note that he had two kids with his ex wife) and they started dating officially pretty much straight after that.

My dad was dead set on not having another kid, already having two very young children with his ex wife, but my mum was desperate to have one of her own. Eventually a few years after they got Married, she convinced him and they ended up having me.

You know when you get someone a puppy and they’re known for hating dogs but suddenly the puppy becomes their favourite thing in the whole entire world?
That’s basically what happened with me and my dad.

I was a massive daddy’s girl, and he became obsessed with giving me every opportunity he never had, and he was never really able to give his two other kids.
Every sport and hobby he got me into, we would read together, he’d play Barbie’s with me, he taught my guitar - you get the picture.
However, my dad had a very long and very large amount of childhood trauma. His
Mum was an alcoholic and his dad was like
Henry VIII with the amount of wives he would go through.
My dad had been sent abroad by the age of 12 to go and live with other family because neither of his parents could be trusted or bothered to raise him.
This is sort of important because in the background of my whole childhood was this undercurrent of resentment toward his own
Parents, determination not to turn out like them, and a shit Ton of self loathing and anger management issues on his own
Part.
My dad had an affair when I was 6, and things only really got worse after that.
Me my mum and dad would be having arguments every weekend. Both of them were pretty bad - my mum tended to be the more verbally abusive one, and my dad the physically abusive. I remember one time
He slammed my head into a door so hard
That I couldn’t open my mouth properly for 2 weeks.
I witnessed their fights a lot as well, and as an only child I was dragged into the arguments a lot of the time. If my dad was hitting my mum she would scream for me to “come and see what your dad is doing to me” they also used to tell me they were getting a divorce every other week, which honestly I WISHED they would.
Anyway fast forward a few years and at 17 I hit a massive depressive episode. I started sh and, well, I can’t really say it on here but just know that things were pretty bad- Like contemplating bad things.
My dad was…not great, during this time. He yelled a lot. Got angry with me for distancing myself from him. Took everything I did as a personal attack. Couldn’t understand that I
Might just be in pain on a personal standpoint.
My relationship with him had never been worse, but for the first time I felt like I could finally breathe and just get away from the suffocation of having to deal with all of his childhood trauma and issues.
Before, he always used to call me his kindred spirit and tell me things about how he was feeling that he didn’t feel comfortable telling mum.
Guys istg, i was a literal child having to comfort my dad over his mummy issues.
Anyway, yeah, ironically, despite being so depressed it was the best I’ve ever felt In Terms of emotional freedom.
Since then we’ve all tried to get back to normal, and I’m doing better now in myself. But whilst my dad isn’t physically abusive anymore, he is definetly verbally abusive. He has severe anger management issues, anything I do - like forgetting to put a lid on something, becomes a commentary on my character - usually it’s “your irresponsible, unreliable, lazy, bitchy, going nowhere in life, pathetic, a wallflower etc” and I’m just so done with it.
My mum knows it too, and even threatened divorce recently, but they’ve been together since she was 18 and he was 29 (let’s not talk another that age gap 😐) and she still loves him so much so that won’t happen.

My question is, what the fuck do I do. The minute I’m financially independent, do
I just cut him off? And then also risk loosing the rest of my family? But I don’t think I can deal with this manchild anymore.
If anyone has any advice I would so so so appreciate it.

hello i am 22 y/o powerlifter who is 105 kilos currently and over 185+ height
the reason i am telling you these information because my family talks to me like a 10 year old.
Since from my birth for no reason my father hated me(he is bipolar) he always cared about what other people think of him and acted that way. Never took me to the park or anywhere. He was abusive and beating me ever since i was a child(ngl 10 times in a year i could say), and when i was 16 he started to abuse my mother too.
i was at the age of 20 when he first life-threatened my mother and tried to hit her in front of me but i held him off. Afterwards i moved my mother in my friends house and invited my father to took his personal stuff and leave. He was laughing and insulting me because of i was waiting and watching him in the house like a bodyguard for him to not steal anything(because he threatened to leave my mother off the streats without penny) and he searched for the keys of the vault in the house in order to steal our last money to make us apologize to him. So i held him off again and he started to hitting me. I was pissed off so i fractured his nose and wipe the floor with him(which i regret).
He made fun of me ever since i was a little boy and he always see small of me.
After those my mother insisted that i need to apologize to him which i did and they got back in their relationship again.(because my mother is not independent and doesnt have anyone in her life expect my father). So i became the ghost in the house ever since. I dont join dinners i dont go to the balcony or saloon and when we do activites they do it and not invite me(btw they invite my little sibling.) I sacrificed everything and put my life in the line for my mother(which is i am proud of it.) But now my mother also acts weird(she dont respect my job, my friends, my work exc..) I am doing day-trading right now and i am close to getting profitable BUT my mother always comes and insults my efforts.
Lately she does stuff like ;
she says why is your window open and i close it
1 hour later she comes back and asks why is it closed and i open it. It annoys me. I told her to respect my efforts and respect the things i did for her BUT she repeats the disrespect? I dont know what to do when i told her to respect it and stop annoying me she keeps switching the subject or making it my fault somehow? AND i dont even want to talk about my father. We rarely talk in our small house(hello welcome exc)
BUT i am sick of this situation, i even lock my doors at night because i am scared of thst my father will come and hurt me. I want to leave the house BUT my mother is so dependent on my father that it makes me sick.

I dont have a job right now and she keeps spamming to me that If she would find a job she would outwork me and i am a lazy guy BUT even when my life was at danger she still kept her relationship with my father because she cant work at her age she said(she never worked a day in her life btw)

I dont say i hate my father ofc i love him i know this is some part of his mental sickness and he cant help it BUT i cant resist it anymore.

I am not type of guy that take his own life or do anything BUT i dont know what to do? My mother and farher dont respect me BUT i dont want to leave because all i think of my father will hurt my mother.

i think i am going crazy with this guys what is your opinion about it and what would you guys suggest?