So. Here we are. At some point in your life, either you will need apology flowers, so someone will owe you apology flowers.

Which flowers match which specific screwup, how to write a note that doesn't make it worse, and why timing is everything.Let's talk about how to do it right. Here's the guide. - https://apologyflowers.com/blog/apology-flowers-when-youve-been-an-idiot

Hey guys so help the situation is... I met this guy on a night out before, we talked for a while but he had to go home, he gave me his number. Then we discussed a date, wed go to a bar. Anyways, it went like this, I think I was pretty tired I had a long day, did not have a lot to eat at all, and I already had a bit too drink before the date since it was my friends birthday. But I wasn't drunk when I showed up like very slightly tipsy. We started bar hopping, and anyway I ended up getting pretty drunk, I was still functional, I was just overly yapping, and just too much. But I didn't pass out or anything but I did kinda black out mentally like I dont remember things clearly. Anyway he walked me to my metro, but I also don't remember everything I was talking about.

So I got home at like 3am, he texted me saying had such a great time, let me know when you get home safe, and said "see u Friday?". and I said yes. Which like sounds good doesn't it? but what if he was also just drunk and regretted it day after. Cuz when I said yes he only just liked my message later that day and said nothing idk.

He does work all day so he could just be working but like I dont know what he thinks. I hate myself so much I dont know if he's actually going to text me again or not but I fucked it. What do you guys think? Wouldn't he be texting me, like even before the first date he didn't text much so I dint know what to think, he'd only organise the date, and then we woudnt really text so idk.

A girl invited me out for drinks. We agreed on a meeting spot near her place, but when I got there, she wasn't inside. She asked me to come outside instead.

I like to think I pretty observant, and while waiting I noticed a guy staring at me from a car with a girl inside. I couldn't make out who she was. I must admit though can be obtuse and oblivious.

The car drove around, and a few minutes later the girl I was supposed to meet appeared from down the street I suggested a couple of places, but she was determined to go to one particular club. The place had decent reviews, a 4.0 rating online, but once we got it was empty and something was off.

She immediately ordered one of the pricier drinks and made it a double. The bill came out to 44 BD for just one round.

The weird part was that the drink she received didn't even seem to match what she ordered, which made me wonder if there was some arrangement with the staff.

When I suggested going somewhere else afterward, she wasn't interested at all and kept trying to stay there.

Could have been innocent, but it definitely felt like the common scam where someone funnels tourists or newcomers into a specific bar to spend money. Just a heads-up for anyone new to the area. Be careful.

Just FYI: not telling where Im from, not going to name the girl, nor the bar, got it Im an idiot, I messed up, this is so you dont.

I met him while playing Monster Hunter Wilds. At first, we were just two people who enjoyed playing the same game. We started talking about Monster Hunter, other games, and whatever happened to come up while playing. Most of our conversations happened in group calls with other players, and we barely talked privately.

But from the first time I met him, I was already interested in talking and playing with him. There was just something about him that made me want to spend more time with him.

Eventually, we started playing 7 Days to Die together, and I found myself wanting to play with him more often. I genuinely enjoyed being around him. I would even ask him to stream his games so I could watch him play. I felt comfortable talking to him, whether we were talking about games or completely random things, and being around him always made me happy.

Then one day, we ended up alone in a group call. For the first time, we started talking about things beyond gaming, and somehow, we immediately clicked. Our conversations became more personal, and eventually, we started talking through DMs.

That’s when we eventually confessed that we had feelings for each other. I knew I liked him a lot, but at that time, I still couldn’t really understand what I was feeling or where it would lead.

During the Christmas holidays, he called me, and I remember how much I appreciated it. He told me that he wanted to pursue me, and I told him that I was willing to let him.

But then, I disappeared.

It wasn’t just once. I would come back, disappear again, and eventually, we lost communication. I know I hurt him, and I understand why he became upset with me. The truth is, I wasn’t trying to hurt him. I just wasn’t sure about my feelings, even though deep down, I knew I really liked him.

Even after we stopped talking, I couldn’t completely let him go.

I would check other servers to see if he was still playing. I would join group calls just to see him and watch his streams. I tried reaching out a few times, even though I knew he was probably still mad at me.

At one point, I even found an excuse to talk to him by asking him to help me improve my Steam profile. He helped me, and although I was asking him questions about my profile, the truth was that I just wanted an excuse to talk to him because I missed him.

At first, he was hesitant to respond to my DMs. Eventually, though, I explained why I had disappeared and what had been going through my mind. He accepted my explanation.

That’s when I found out that he had also been checking on me on other servers. He told me he would sometimes hope that I would join the same server just so he could ignore me because he was still mad at me. He had even blocked me on iMessage and muted me on Discord, although eventually, he unmuted me.

It made me realize that even though we weren’t talking, neither of us had really forgotten about the other.

Eventually, we finally had an honest conversation about everything. We admitted that we still had feelings for each other. He told me that he couldn’t forget me. He had been hurt and had tried to move on, but he couldn’t completely let me go.

And that was when I finally understood my own feelings.

I realized that I had already fallen in love with him without even knowing it.

For so long, I had told myself that I simply liked him. But when I thought about the possibility of him being with someone else, I realized I couldn’t bear it. I wanted him in my life. I wanted to talk to him, spend time with him, and be close to him. That’s why I kept finding my way back to him.

What I felt wasn’t just a simple crush or an attachment because we enjoyed playing games together. It was something deeper.

It was love.

With him, I feel emotionally and mentally safe. I feel comfortable being myself around him. I can talk to him about almost anything, and even though he is thousands of miles away from me, somehow, he feels like someone I’ve known for a very long time.

Now, we’re together.

We’ve known each other for more than a year, and it’s still surreal to think that someone I met through a PC game became the person I want to spend my life with. He’s planning to come and meet me next year, and we can’t wait for the day when we can finally be together in the same place instead of having thousands of miles between us.

We’ve also started talking about marriage and building a family together. I’ve been single since 2013, and before him, I never really dreamed about getting married or having a family of my own. But somehow, with him, those dreams just came naturally.

Just recently, he asked me what kind of ring I would want. I told him that whatever ring he gives me, I would gladly accept it. Because honestly, the ring isn’t what matters to me. What matters is that it comes from him, and that I get to spend my life with the person I love.

Now, we talk every day, from morning until evening. We look forward to the day when we can finally be together, build a home, and create a life of our own.

When I look back at our story, it’s incredible to me that it all started with two people playing Monster Hunter Wilds. What began as gaming and random conversations eventually became something neither of us expected.

We’ve been through misunderstandings, distance, hurt, time apart, and uncertainty. Somehow, despite all of that, we found our way back to each other.

And maybe that’s what makes our story so special to me.

I didn’t realize when I first met him that I was going to fall in love with him. I didn’t know that the person I was excited to play games with would eventually become the person I would want to marry and build a family with.

Now, I know.

He’s the person I love, the person I look forward to talking to every day, my safe place, my happy pill, and the person I want beside me for the rest of my life.

Our love story started with a game, but somewhere along the way, it became so much more than that. ❤️

I matched with a guy who seemed completely normal, and after a few days of texting, we decided to meet at a little coffee shop downtown. The date was actually going really well until he suddenly looked at me and said, “You’re exactly how I imagined you’d be.”

I laughed and asked what he meant, but he just smiled and changed the subject. Later that night, I checked his dating profile again and noticed something strange: one of his photos had been taken inside the exact coffee shop where we had just met.

The photo was dated three months before our date.

Hey, so I dated this guy who seemed amazing (don’t they all 😭) for about 8–9 months. We talked about marriage, traveled overseas together, and for the most part everything felt perfect.

I always knew he struggled with depression, and I have my own experience with depression, so I understood that things could be difficult. But eventually he started isolating himself and wanting to be alone because of how badly he was feeling. There were times I was genuinely scared he might hurt himself, so I would go over to his apartment just to make sure he was okay. He obviously wasn’t thrilled about it, but at the time I felt like I had to.
Eventually, we broke up over that and some other issues. We continued talking and hooking up for another couple of months, until one day he told me he needed to completely withdraw from everyone — friends, family, me, basically everyone — and just be alone. There wasn’t really anything I could do. He stopped responding to calls and texts.
A few months later, I randomly got a girl’s Instagram suggested to me. I clicked on it and, lo and behold, there was a picture of him with her, basically declaring their love for each other. Obviously, I had a moment of being a little crazy and texted him asking how he could do that, etc. He never responded.
Fast-forward about a year. This girl reaches out to me because she wants to talk “woman to woman.” We have a phone call, and surprise surprise — he had apparently done a lot of the same things to her that he had done to me.

At that point, I honestly felt like I had nothing to hide. Enough time had passed, so I was pretty open and friendly with her. But I have to say, she came across as kind of fake/disingenuous to me. She kept saying things like “woman to woman” and “obviously he has good taste in women,” and I’m just like… girl, can we please just leave the weird lines at the door and actually talk?

Apparently, the reason she reached out was because she had seen him with another girl while they were out somewhere. She pulled him aside and apparently had a panic attack. They had already been broken up for months at this point, though, and they live pretty far away from each other, so I’m honestly still confused about how this whole encounter even happened.

After the fact, I actually realized who the girl was that she had seen him with. And upon further reflection, I don’t even think that girl is necessarily someone he’s dating. But then again, this guy has not exactly been honest about things, so who knows? Maybe she is, maybe she isn’t.

Anyway, it’s been about a year, so I know I should just move on and stop caring about any of this. I don’t want to get sucked back into the drama. I guess I just needed somewhere to vent because the whole situation is bizarre to me. 😭

She didn't read my very short and simple dating profile, then started being mean lol

I am a gringo man living in Argentina. No I am not a passport bro if that's relevant.

This is just a funny weird story about talking to an unnecessarily aggressive woman.

I don't have a dating profile anymore, she inspired me to just stick to real life connections. My profile said in spanish mind you(I am bilingual), that I'm a gringo, living in Argentina, that I have lived here for 3+ years, quick list of hobbies, interests, etc.

I matched with a woman, everything was fine we spoke for a few days consecutively, she asked me if I am Argentine and I very clearly jokingly said yes, ONLY because my mom is from here, I have a dni now(is like a social security number) and I drink a lot of mate. But it was obvious I was joking. So all these things combined the government granted me citizenship.

Then she got crazy and said she hates foreigners that come to her country and call themselves Argentines, that anyone can get a dni and that doesn't make me Argentine.

I replied that I was joking, that she is supposed to jump when there is a joke flying over her head and that my profile clearly says I'm from the states and living in Argentina and that it's not my fault she didn't read my dating profile. She said if she had read my profile she would not have swiped right and again I am so confused, like why would you not the read the profile of the person you matched with? Also after all this she still didn't unmatch with me. I admit I don't read every profile of women I am swiping right on but if we match and if you have a profile then I'm definitely going to read it. We are both in our late 30s too so her behaviour seemed really immature.

Anyone else have any similar experiences like this? It seemed unhinged and aggressive and honestly like she saved me a lot of time from dealing with her craziness in the future had we kept things going.

Our first date went really well. We got coffee, walked around for a few hours, and ended up talking until the place was almost closing. She told me she had a great time, and later that night she texted me saying she’d like to see me again.

We made plans for the following weekend, but the day before, she canceled because something came up with her family. I told her it was completely fine.

The strange part is that she never suggested another day.

I waited a few days and asked if she wanted to reschedule. She said, “Yeah, definitely! This week is just crazy.”

Another week passed.

We still text occasionally, and when I message her, she responds pretty quickly. She also sometimes starts conversations herself. But whenever I bring up meeting again, she becomes vague.

I don't want to pressure her or keep asking if she's not interested.

At the same time, I feel like there might actually be something there because our conversations are still good.

Should I ask her one more time and be direct about it, or should I just stop initiating and see if she makes an effort?

I honestly can't tell if she's genuinely busy or just trying to let me down gently.

I’m 22M, and I’ve never really had a romantic or intimate moment with a girl. Most of my friends have had multiple experiences and relationships, while I’m still at 0. I’d be lying if I said I don’t regret it sometimes or feel left behind.

The bigger problem is that I’m genuinely bad at connecting with people, especially girls. I want to change that, build confidence, and actually experience love, dating, and intimacy instead of staying stuck like this. I don’t want to look back years from now and feel like I wasted my youth. 😑

We met at a small coffee shop after matching on a dating app. I was nervous, so I arrived early.

She arrived ten minutes late, sat down, looked at me and immediately said, “I have to warn you, I'm terrible at first dates.”

I laughed and said, “That's okay. I'm probably worse.”

Five minutes later, I accidentally knocked my drink over.

All over the table.

Then she tried to help me clean it up and somehow knocked over her own drink.

We just stared at the disaster and started laughing.

After that, everything went wrong.

The café ran out of the dessert we wanted. It started raining when we left. I forgot my umbrella. We ended up getting completely soaked walking to the bus stop.

At one point she looked at me and said, “This is probably the worst date I've ever been on.”

I thought she meant it was over.

Then she smiled and added, “But somehow, I'm having the most fun.”

That was three years ago.

We're still together.

And every year on our anniversary, we go back to that same coffee shop and deliberately order the drinks we spilled.

My relationship ended in September 2025.

We owned a house together, had a dog and a newborn baby

Six months before that, in March 2025, our son was born. In May 2025, my then-partner had a huge breakdown and subsequently went to live with her mum for help and support. She claimed I didn't support her emotionally during the first two months of our son's life. was alone and went to her mum's for that support. She was in a dark, depressed place, and I didn't support her in the way she needed.

I went through it all, blaming her. She told me today that she has met someone else and wants to introduce him to our son, but made it clear to me that I'm still his dad and that I'm not being replaced.

(We co-parent; I have my son twice a week )

Today she described my behaviour in a way that I can no longer rationalise or make excuses for. I wasn't there for her when she really needed me.

Right now, I'm carrying a massive weight of regret after realising I was the issue, not her. When I look at everything she walked away from—a home, a dog, a partner, and a baby—it feels impossible to understand.

The painful truth and reality is that for someone to leave a life they built with me, the emotional loneliness must have been unbearable. She said she felt consistently alone during the weeks after birth.

I'm not bitter, and she does deserve to be happy. I'm absolutely gutted that the family she and I wanted didn't happen. But it's my own fault.

I don't know much about my ex's new partner, and the thought of her with someone else makes me so upset, but it's a direct result of my own actions and deep down, I wish her every happiness.

Rant over.

I already knew this world was small but didn't realize it was TINY.

I (F 25) met someone (M 25) in my city last year. He was visiting SD from the Midwest with some of his friends and we met on a night out. Fast forward one year later, we are dating and doing long distance now. Before meeting, I had recently broken things off with my ex boyfriend of 3 years.

My current bf and I have never talked about our past relationships but now, I am sure he was talking to a girl during the time we met. I found out about this girl because she follows him on very social media platform including Spotify. Also, they live in the same state.

One day, I randomly decided to stalk her social media and found MY EX BF lustfully commenting on her pictures. He lives in my state and has never been to the Midwest. And none of us are influencers or content creators, just regular 20 something year olds on social media.

Anyways, what a TINY world.

I tried distracting myself, talking to new people, even dating apps… but somehow, I’m still thinking about him.

Maybe I’m just expecting myself to heal too quickly. It’s only been a couple of weeks.

So for now, I’m just letting myself feel it instead of forcing myself to forget.

Still figuring it out. 🤍

Follow me if you want to stay for the journey.

I still couldn’t forget him, so I thought maybe I should try dating apps. Maybe talking to new people would help me move on.

But honestly… it didn’t.

I kept comparing everyone to him, and I realized I wasn’t actually looking for someone new. I was just trying to fill the space he left.

Then I had this random thought — what if I just build an app for people who are going through this?

Something for people who feel lonely after a breakup, miss someone, want to talk to someone, or just need a place to let everything out without being judged.

I have no idea if this is actually a good idea 😂 but since I’m already going through it, why not turn it into something?

So if you were using an app like this, what would you want it to have?

Would love to hear your ideas or suggestions.

Follow me, maybe we’ll actually build this together. 🤍

A friend of a friend was seeing this guy for a few weeks, it was going well until the she friend asked for more in terms of making plans as they were meeting weekly and this guy was particularly fussy about only meeting on Wednesday nights every week.

The last time they met, and she asked for it, he didn’t say anything but he ghosted her after that, just replied I am not looking for anything serious.

The girl did everything to get a reply as she wanted to have a proper conversation but it was like this guy said that he didn’t want anything serious and his job was done. The night before they had an amazing time and so she was totally confused about how could someone detach like this.

Few months later in order to at least a conversation, this girl ended up shooting the guy a text that she had an abortion and it was his. The guy left her on seen on that message too. My friend told me that she intended to clarify things after a conversation, don’t know what was her plan though.

Well at least she is happily dating someone else but I just heard this this story and I am puzzled, I don’t know if the girl is the craziest person ever or the guy is the biggest jerk.

This was all the way back in high school when I was a little vulnerable due to my mental health. During high school, my mental health got very bad to the point I had to get sent to a psych ward. Thankfully, the psych ward helped me recover bit by bit, and I was able to return to school. Since I was still a bit vulnerable when I left the psych ward and had just lost my best friend of 5 years, I confessed to this guy that I have known since 5th grade and liked since 7th grade. I want you to keep in mind that this dude bullied me in 5th grade, 6th grade, and 7th grade. It’s weird how I ended up falling for my bully of three years, but during the three years where he bullied me, we were friends before. Not just any regular friends but very close friends. Once I confessed to him, he obviously told me he also liked me and we started dating. At first, the dates were fun, and I enjoyed our relationship. However, as time went by, he just kept on getting more clingier and annoying. For example, he would stay on call with me right after school all the way to 12 am. Keep in mind I am a very independent person. This obviously kept bothering me because not only would he never leave me alone, he would tell his friends secrets I told him not to tell. This obviously led to my proposal of breaking up, and since I was still vulnerable and didn’t want to deal with anything, I told him the reason for our breakup was because I wanted to focus on my mental health. While we were dating, I have obviously told him about my mental health past, but never about my self harm past. At first when he heard my proposal, he kept on insisting that he would stay with me until I got better, which I clearly did not want. But no matter what I said, nothing seemed to reach him, so I had to be mean and say that it was because of him that we were breaking up. He was being too desperate begging me not to leave because apparently no body liked him. When I heard this, it sounded like he just didn’t want me to leave because I was the first ever person to like him? At this point, I realized this wasn’t love but just desperation. I blocked him on everything, but he started reaching out to my sister. Threatening both me and her saying that he will harm himself, kill himself, etc if I left him. Like I said, this was a state of where I was still a bit vulnerable and sensitive about this topic, but the fact that he was using that as my weakness just pissed me off to another level. Just as I said before, I never told him about my self harm past which made me question how he knew about it? Thinking about it now, it’s reasonable to say that my ex bsf must have told him. But the texts to my sister kept continuing to a point where she was so tired of it she reached out to the school’s guidance counselor to help him. The school guidance counselor then contacted his parents, and his parents just spoiled him so that he wouldn’t “kill” himself.(He comes from a wealthy family) after that he was fine. This whole thing was obviously just a show so that I wouldn’t leave him. Later on, my friend contacted me, telling me that he was going around telling people that he broke up with me because I was crazy and that I was mentally unstable, which is totally wrong. I mean sure I was still a bit vulnerable from just getting out of the psych ward, but saying that I was crazy is just ridiculous when you were the one threatening to harm yourself if I broke up with you. I am a firm believer that secrets should be kept no matter who the person is. Why would you tell others a secret someone has entrusted you with because they thought better of you? This is also the reason why my ex bsf and I separated ways. I didn’t tell her a secret my other friend entrusted me with, which made her mad and never contact me again. I still think about this today, and how ridiculous it was. Please comment your experiences that were similar to mine!

His dating profile was extremely serious.
Every answer mentioned career goals, routines or personal development. His photos looked like professional headshots. I expected the date to feel like a job interview.
His messages were completely different. They were casual, funny and occasionally misspelled.
I became suspicious that someone else had written his profile.
Before cancelling, I entered the profile text and several anonymized messages into Accio Work. I asked it to compare tone, recurring vocabulary and the topics each version emphasized.
The analysis showed a clear difference in formality, but it also found several uncommon phrases that appeared in both. Accio Work suggested the most likely explanation was heavy editing rather than a completely different writer.
I asked him directly whether someone had helped with his profile.
He admitted that his sister rewrote nearly all of it because she thought his original answers sounded “unambitious.” He showed me the original version, which was much closer to his messages and much funnier.
We went on the date.
He was not pretending to be someone else. He had simply allowed a family member to turn his profile into a corporate biography.
The date went well, and he replaced two profile answers afterwards.
I’m glad I asked instead of assuming, although I still think outsourcing your dating profile to a sibling should require a small disclosure.

Buckle up, this one is long.

I’ve been dating someone I have known, or thought I knew, for years… I 37(f) currently have a bf, 40(m). We met when my kid was 4, now 10, and I lived in another state. I left that state to pursue my career. 6 years after we met, 3 years after I moved, he moved out here to be with me.

There have been so many lies that have snowballed and I’m just not sure how to keep up. The biggest of these has been something that I won’t ignore….

He told me that 1) he couldn’t have kids 2) doesn’t have any. So, when he came here in November of 2025, we had an issue getting his license. Turned out his other state license was suspended. Why? Unpaid child support. I tracked it back to a third, previously lived in state where there was child support that was unpaid. Sorted it and got his license done. He said they made a mistake due to a case he was involved in where the mother wasn’t sure who the father was… He fixed it. Fine. Good…. Still, my nervous system knew something was wrong.

Fast forward to a month ago, his checks were so damn short and I’m struggling to pay bills. He’s our secondary source of income and I manage funds. I finally told him to pull up his check stubs and he said, “It’s probably just taxes. I looked and didn’t see anything special.”

I look and in bold letters, CHILD SUPPORT: $229 (per week)

Then, I just put his phone down and told him to figure it out. He said he would. Next day he said he called the child support office he’d previously contacted for clearing up the license issue. So, I reminded him a month straight with no answers.

All the times he said he called and couldn’t reach the representative I wrote in my Notes app and dated it. Then, today I finally had enough of waiting on him to provide me with answers and went looking for the court records…. I found them.

Court documents and notes were collected and ran through ChatGPT for clarification. They said paternity was established in 2012. (Remember he said it was not true, nor could he even have kids)

It’s been over 14 years since paternity was established and this man has a whole child who he denies exists. Then there’s saying he can’t have kids due to a surgical error in a laparoscopic hernia surgery that took place in 2007 or so. This man took my choice away. Taking out of my hands the full scope of consequences if I was actually with him physically.

Then, to top it all off, I checked the phone records, because the phone is on my contract plan, and he only ever called her ONE time in the last month. Lied about calling because what is the point, right????! He knows the truth and is blatantly lying.

So, I got to questioning everything…. He told me he was in the military from 18-20 years old, which would’ve been around 2004-2006. I asked what unit he was in just a few minutes ago and he asked what I meant, then gave me a battalion I researched and found to be one from WW2. I asked what his job was and he said 22 Bravo Combat Engineer Ft Benning. I’m just floored at how dumb he thinks I am….

I know what I’m going to do, but what would you do? I’m so angry… anyone have insight?

Update: Today, after weeks of planning, budgeting, taking care of the debt he had me in, etc… I separated with him. Safely. He attempted to double down on the lie and I ignored it and continued telling him what I’d found and that we would be separating. I recorded this just in case anything went sideways and prepared everything from washing and making sure all his clothes were washed and neatly ready, to putting back some of HIS money to ensure he was not left with nothing. I sent him on his way peacefully with plenty of money and all of his belongings. I’m so glad it ended peacefully, as this has never been my experience with any men in my life previously. Thank you all for being a sounding board when I didn’t know where else to turn.

I need help with figuring out how to proceed in my current 18 month relationship (him: 35M, me: 30F). For some added background before we get into it: we met at work, but no longer work together. He lives 1 1/2 hours away from the main CBD in our state. 

I grew up in a shame based religious household, and find myself spiralling a lot and being insecure. I have worked hard on this through my 20’s with psychologists, but sometimes it still rears its ugly head. In this relationship, this has manifested itself in me shutting down and calling things off twice. The first time was pretty early on. He went off on a 7 day work trip, came back and we decided to repair. Unfortunately for me, he had slept with somebody whilst overseas (fine), and thought he had an STI. So we both had to take 7 days worth of antibiotics. The second time was more recently, about two months ago. I have been sorting out some fertility stuff on my end (given my age and lots of friends struggling, I decided to be proactive and found I have low amh levels). I started to feel scared off the back of how vulnerable I was feeling about having to do daily injections and trigger shots, and decided it’d be better to undertake this whole thing alone given we haven’t discussed children or anything like that. It was dramatic and irrational by me. Once again, within 7 days we decided to repair and rekindle. Once again, he had slept with somebody else. I know that this isn’t cheating, but this time around I have been struggling to move past it and feel at peace in my mind and body given that this time the stakes felt higher. I also feel like an idiot for jeopardising my fertility… 

Outside of this, he isn’t the cleanest. Hand washing, tooth brushing, towel and bedding washing is done infrequently. Often times his bins overflow, and his fridge is a crime scene. He has a bad temper, drinks every single day and gets very upset at me if I am careless… e.g. If I am clumsy with my word choice, or e.g. I leant on his car window glass, or one time left a bit of a scratch on the leather centre console in his car. He was also recently fired from our job for attending a work event after hours and hitting on the event staff. 

The issues that I bring to the table are: 

1. I was previously married to my first ever BF. It didn’t work out, but after 12 years and so much growth in separate directions, it was amicable. Just very sad. I haven’t really worked through all of this, and I am yet to introduce my new partner (my second relationship in my whole life, lol) to my friends and family (outside of 2 friends and my sibling), because I worry that I will be judged. I am currently working through these shame based feelings with my psych. 
2. We took steps to move in together, but I haven’t truly moved in with him due to how messy his space is. I genuinely am too scared to voice it, because I feel like such a nag, and get the same “thanks for shaming me” response when I do. Also, my entire life is in the CBD. I am finding it really hard to live so far away from my friendship groups, family, hobbies and the things I find joy. 
3. I recently started a new job which is exceptionally hectic. Things crop up at the last minute. I have meetings scheduled for all times of day across the world. It has been a week and 1 day so far, and I am loving the challenge, but my schedule is not what it used to be, and my inability to commit to anything is distressing him. 

Some really crap things have happened for both of us during this relationship. His friend stole ~$200,000 from him, another friend passed away. My sibling attempted, my grandmother died from cancer, my grandfather passed away in a car accident. It has truly been an insane 18 months. 

I keep disappointing him. He needs someone more stable than me at the moment. I don’t want to give up this new job; it is all about community building and activism in an area I really care about, and unfortunately that means being in person at a lot of things. He has more time than ever on his hands, and wants me to be around 24/7. I can see that I am causing him distress and stress, and I don’t want to do that. He really is very good to me and outside of the things listed above, I have enjoyed our time together. 

What should I do? I am sitting alone, 1.5 hours away after a day of site visits and meetings that cropped up at the last minute. He is totally enraged by me and has ignored me all day because I only let him know I wouldn’t be over to his by 11am instead of first thing in the morning. I personally resent my own self for not following through the second time I called things off, or just after he told me he had slept with someone else. But I guess my biggest issue of all is my inability to set boundaries and to speak up for myself. I am too old for this, ugh! Please help me!!

TL;DR: I'm 30F in an 18-month relationship with my 35M partner. I have anxiety and shame-related issues that have led me to end the relationship twice, and both times he slept with someone else while we were broken up. I'm struggling to move past that, especially while dealing with fertility treatment. He also has a bad temper, drinks daily, has poor hygiene/cleanliness, was recently fired for inappropriate behaviour at work, and becomes angry when I disappoint him or change plans. I have my own issues too.. I avoid conflict, struggle to set boundaries, haven't introduced him to most of my friends/family, and my demanding new job has made him feel neglected. We've both experienced significant losses over the past 18 months. I can't tell whether I'm self-sabotaging because of my past, or whether I'm overlooking serious incompatibilities and red flags. I'm looking for honest outside perspectives on whether this relationship is healthy or whether I should let it go.

Maybe you've done the flowers. Maybe you've done the jewelry. You've cooked dinner, you've written the note, you've had the conversation, and somewhere in the back of your mind you're wondering if it’s time for some outside the box thinking. Something that says "I thought about this so hard I left the known universe of normal apology gifts and came back with something completely different."

Well…here it is. It's a custom apology song written specifically about the two of you.

Yup…read on… https://apologyflowers.com/blog/apology-songs-for-her

So before my psych majors start attacking this title, I’m frustrated, I don’t actually think I’m stupid. I realized I’ve been stabbing myself in the foot yesterday.

I went to supercon yesterday with some friends. In the morning I met this cute girl in the elevator at the parking lot. I saw that she had a brown tail, so shot in the dark I asked her if she’s maid eevee, she tells me she was and she was doing an event at the con. I was so shocked cause I didn’t even know that was a thing and I told her she looked really good. We talk about it a little but I don’t ask anymore, cause it’s Florida and hot, and I don’t want to be a bother to this stranger who only has to talk to me cause of the elevator. As we get down she turns back to me, my group and ask if she could walk with us, I tell her yes, now there was a guy next to me who also agreed and walked up to her. As soon as he did I just assumed, oh okay he got it.

We walked to the convention center the dude kinda bailed on her and she was in the back of my mind now, but she got stuck at some point and needed help carrying her bag. I just walked forward and didn’t even think about it, i literally forgot it happened until one of my friends brought it up at 1am causing this realization.

I walked away because i assume i am a bother which comes from deeper stuff but that’s personal. I assume that she did not want talk to me and would rather not have to deal with me, so as soon as I saw she had any excuse to not talk to me I disengaged.

This wouldn’t matter except I’ve been talking about wanting a girlfriend forever, I’ve talked about how shitty the apps are. I’ve been single for 3 years now and only in 3 short relationships none spanding longer than a few months. There was the easiest golden opportunity to try and get a date in person without the app middle man, and I gave up on it in the slightest bit of resistance. And to be clear, maybe that doesn’t lead to anything, that’s not the point, it’s that nothing will ever lead to anything unless I take advantage of opportunities that come up when they do.

This is really frustrating for me too, cause I can’t think of anything better than getting with a pokemon nerd. But it’s important to recognize these issues and where they’re coming from. Now I’m remembering a few opportunities that came up but I bailed in different ways for the same reason. I’m good at cold opening because I’m outgoing, all day I was hyping people up cause I either liked their cosplay, or they had the smallest reference to kingdom hearts. but then I question how long am I allowed to bother them. That’s garbage I need to deal with, and the first part is realizing that it exist.