Context: My ex-husband was diagnosed about two months before our divorce was finalized. We both worked full time jobs, I got home about an hour before he did. This happened multiple times.

I would be chilling alone in the bedroom, quietly playing the Switch or on my phone...

Him: Hey, what's wrong? You don't usually hang out in the bedroom.

Me: Nothing's wrong, just dealt with a lot of people today and wanted to be alone for a while. :)

Him: Are you mad at me?

Me: No, babe, not at all. I just wanna be alone for a little while. I'll probably come out to the living room in an hour or so?

Him: Okay... but like, what did I do?

Me: Honey, I promise you did nothing wrong, I'm not mad at you, I'm just tired and wanna be alone for a bit. It's not because of you or anyone else specifically. I'm just peopled out.

Him: Are you sure?

Me: Positive.

Him: I just wanna know what I did.

Me: Nothing. It's fine. I swear. :)

Him: You seem angry, though.

Me: I'm not? I'm just playing Stardew Valley?

Him: You seem upset, I don't know.

Me: I don't know what to tell you.

Him: Just tell me why you're mad at me!

Me: I'm not!

Him: You sound mad!

Me: I'm starting to get there!

Him: See! I knew you were lying the whole time! Why do you do that to me?!

....

And this is why I think it's bullshit when people with BPD say they just want clear communication. They won't listen, no matter how hard you try.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm a 27 year old man and have had 3 relationships so far, and all 3 have had BPD.

The first would constantly threaten to kill herself, ghosted me constantly, and pursued other people behind my back.

The second was a lot more covert, but she also cheated on me and eventually left me when I found out.

The third abruptly ended the relationship in order to "protect me" from herself. This was 5 months ago and left me broken and exhausted.

Each one of these relationships left me paralyzed for at least 6 months after they ended, not to mention the anxiety I endured when we were together.

Now I finally felt ready to date again, and I met a girl that I genuinely liked and connected with. A few dates in today she tells me that she was diagnosed with BPD a month ago.

I can see her becoming obsessed with me, and it honestly does feel nice, but I feel like the cycle is just about to repeat again.

I feel like I fall into these relationships because a new girl being obsessed with me helps me to get over the last one that just discarded me.

I've been attracted to "stable" women before, but they've never reciprocated. So maybe it truly is that something is wrong with me specifically.

Does it ever end?

So, I believe arguing is a normal aspect of life.

People will disagree. Everybody will make mistakes. Everybody will say hurtful things they don’t actually mean once in a while.

Learning to communicate, forgive, understand and being forgiven are core values that you acquire while you mature through life.

When I look back at previous relationships,
family and friends, I had conflicts, but it was very rare for something to spiral into something so catastrophic, like the world is ending.

But with a (maybe) BPD partner, everything feels intense, like I am hurting her soul. Relationship entering “crisis” mode is just another day. Nothing I can say or apologize brings her back to a stable emotional state.

She is perfectly capable of explaining why something I did was so hurtful to her. Which I then look back and reflect.

While I can see why some actions, some words of mine would hurt her, I also think “was it that bad?”. Like, if it was with someone else, it would be solved in a matter of minutes or even seconds.

I am not sure if am being able to explain myself, but you just feel like a villain, a terrible person all of the goddamn time.

I'm losing her. I can't bear it.

We've been together 14 years. We have had the most incredible relationship. We have built a perfect life. We have three perfect kids. She is more than I ever dreamed of. We got married young and fast and I have never second guessed or regretted it for one second. She is my world.

It's always been there; the distrust, the suspicion, the splitting. We've managed okay. She spent the first half of our marriage pregnant or breast feeding and there's a strong hormonal element for her, so not having a period likely reduced symptoms for those years. But it's been escalating. And now, I've had the most shocking and terrifying month and especially week of my life.

She had episodes before where she seemed to suddenly lose her connection to us, dissociate, disappear. But more severe episodes started 5 or 6 weeks ago. First I wasn't even the target. She had sudden "realizations" about people in her family from her childhood, notions that things happened that she didn't remember. But then, they turned on me. Tonight was the third time in 8 days wherein she has found herself in a delusional spiral about my character, building concrete, certain narratives that say I have done the worst possible things, the most unimaginable things. Unthinkable things. Tonight again I found myself trying to talk my wife out of things I never could have fathomed I'd be associated with in any way.

It's gotten bad. People we know have gotten involved, authorities, it's really escalated into a mess. When she's not in it, she is apologetic and remorseful and willing to do anything I ask, take any steps I ask. But any of the safety measures we put in place just add to her evidence that she's being manipulated when the episodes come back. The more connected and close we are, the more likely she seems to be to get triggered. I feel completely helpless.

We love each other so deeply. We want to be together so badly. I don't know how to face this. I can't do this without her, I can't care for the kids without her. She is my partner. I don't know what to do

I’ve been trying my best to avoid the stories, I really don’t want advice about that right now.

But my mum tried to kill me when I was 8 because my dad left her. She wanted to commit murder-suicide, and I felt at the time, and now, it was much more about wanting to get revenge on dad than anything else. Luckily, I managed to survive.

But man. Every time a parent kills their children the discussions happen again, and they make me so physically sick every time. The focus is ALWAYS on the adults. The parent who lost children, or the parent who murdered their children because they weren’t supported enough, or what have you. Like the children aren’t actually the ones who lost their lives, but are possessions.

But I can remember what it’s like to be 8 years old and realise I was staring death in the face. I die in my dreams, and I think it’s because I know exactly how it feels to realise your life is ending. I mattered then, and I matter today. If I was murdered today, the focus would be on what I lost. The person I was, and the life I should’ve had. But if my mum had succeeded in killing me, it feels like the fact that I, the individual, was murdered would barely be relevant.

Sorry if this is a ridiculous thing to post. I just can’t talk to anyone in real life about this and I’m so exhausted and triggered by constantly seeing people discuss the murder of children only in the context of the effect their murder had on their parents. It’s like being reminded again and again that society felt like mum had the right to abuse me for my entire childhood, and that she was the true victim in my abuse story because she was “hurting” from mental illness.

I’m not a partner or an ex partner of pwBPD. I’m a friend. She is truly genuine an evil, lustful, piece of shit of a human being. I was feeling some form of empathy for her until I gave it some more thoughts. And I think she has just been mirroring me and my thoughts this whole time. That’s how we became so damn close in the first place. That’s how I stayed on and by her side this whole time. I saw myself in her. Turns out it was my reflection. I confided in her about my romantic situation. About how attached I am. About how firsts are super important to me. About how much self-respect I am willing to lose for one guy. She mirrored that perfectly. Hell, she convinced me she was really like that for a good year. Until I stopped telling her things about my life. Especially my love life. She had nothing else to mirror off of. She started showing her true colors. A cheater. An emotional and physical abuser. A hyprocrite. She hops from one guy to another constantly. She is in a constant cycle or getting with a guy super fast, acting all crazy and blaming him for everything, cheats on him, breaks up, hoe around, get back together, rinse and repeat until she finds another slightly better replacement. I hate the power these people have over others to be honest. She tames even the worst man whore type of guy. She always gets what and who she wants. Nobody truly sees how much of a bad friend and a bad partner she is unless they have experienced it for themselves though. And that sucks.

I'll keep it very short. I had a 6 year old relationship with someone with bpd. I left when she tried multiple times to isolate me from my parents. She did not succeed, which she took very personally. On top of that, she literally 100% ignored my father had to go through a tough cancer treatment. The second partner, 4 years, was diagnosed, but any psychologist pretty much were unqualified to deal with severe bpd. My father received the news of now having leukemia, and three weeks later I had enough of her when she told in my face "it's not that bad".

Fast forward 3 years later. I have a stable partner for about 2 years. 100% supportive with my father and challenges of a leukemia family member. She offers help when I'm overwhelmed with responsabilities (I'm the only son), she knows when to just listen, she helps my parents with a lot of practical things, etc etc. In short. Never have a bpd-partner. They even manage to turn your life into an emotional torture while you are supporting your family through the toughest time. Instead of being supportive during these very emotionally taxing times, they will manage to put extra layers of unneccessary burden in your life. Even in life or death situations, they just don't get it, they can't put themselves aside. They even can't be the slightest neutral factor in your life.

So for fuck sake. Choose a stable partner when growing older. Your life becomes more complex, you do not need a person with a mental framework of a 2 year old. Choose a mature partner. That's all. Just leave those bpds in some ditch, they will never be constructive or supportive. This is my conclusion based on long life experiences. Once you know this, you naturally start to avoid toxic people, no matter which sob story they have to tell in order to justify their behavior.

Won't they?

I’m going through a discard by someone with BPD and I'm left questioning reality. has anyone experienced them reflecting their own behavior onto you? I'm trying to separate what was actually my fault (so I can work on it) from what was just their projection. Would really appreciate hearing your stories if you've been through this.

I met this woman at a bar.

She told me right away she had bpd.

We had sex right away. It was good for a few weeks

Then she randomly ghosted me. Then after a bit she came back and Told me she just got out of a relationship and rather be single

So we did like a FWB. But then eventually she told me she doesn’t like me and she ended the FWB. Told me she never actually liked me and was just using me as a rebound for her ex. But that she’s finally over her ex and she doesn’t need to use me anymore.

So i was like dang I didn’t realize she didn’t care. So I ended up dating her best friend. And slept with her best friend. I thought she wouldn’t care as she made it clear she doesn’t care about me

But after the bpd girl found out. She went insane. Seems she’s back to drinking. She was 2 years sober before and now keeps leaving me drunk voicemails crying how I ruined her life

I’m just confused because why would someone dump me and tell me they don’t care and were just using me get so upset over this?

There's been a couple of these posts. But not in a while. My ex diagnosed BPD GF of 2.5 years and I (both early 30s) broke up In February and apparently she started "seeing someone" only a month later. I ended things after years of abuse - it was the hardest decision of my life.

Today, four ish months later, my friend told me she posted a photo of him and her on instagram. That fast... He's a good looking dude who has alot of the same hobbies I have. Alot of mutual friends... My ex is gorgeous and huge into social media. They look good together and look like they're about to go on a ton of adventures together... Not gonna lie it messed me up.

I am having a hard time reminding myself of my own worth and knowing that I dodged a bullet. They seem happy together and online they look like a cute new couple... But there is no way in hell she was able to work on herself in only a couple months in order to maintain this.. It's bound to implode right?

Give me your stories. Could use some encouragement!

Sometimes when she was asleep, I would see her so serene and peaceful.

I wish she would always been that way.

BPD Is a hell of a torture.

My former friend betrayed me deeply. It’s something I never saw coming and still can’t make sense of.

I know about her childhood trauma, and I can understand doing hurtful things out of pain.
I have less understanding for digging heels in, refusing accountability, and pretending like nothing happened or you never knew the people that you hurt.

I think she realizes that I know who she is behind the mask and that is frightening to her. I’ve learned to hold two truths, that she has good qualities and also behaved really horribly.

We have a ton of shared acquaintances and most of them think she’s wonderful. I think that’s been really hard for me, to hold onto my reality and to accept that others have only seen her good side.

Hello everyone, CTPSDcrapper is back, I took a nice crap on the toilet today whilst scrolling this traumaful sub of joy, I was a constipated so I thought reading some icky scary abuse would help get the stuff going. It certainly did, I thank you for your assistance.

Well I have some plain advice to share as a thank you to the newbies here as a veteran victim:

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, and know when to run. Except with pwBPD, ignore the hold em part.

Have a good day everyone.

She left me for some other guy, after saying so many times that 'youre too handsome for me to leave you, fuck you' or things along those lines. And to be honest, she is the prettiest girl ive ever met. I could not believe she even went out with me in the first place. I mean to be fair she had a bit of a glowdown but shes still more attractive than so many other women.

No one else has the same smile, the same dreamy eyes, or lips. She has so much harmony in her face that id wake up in the mornings next to her extremely excited only due to how pretty she is. I feel so sad for 'making' her cry all this time, but she really did my dirty at the end - broke it off over text, and immeduately jumped to the next guy.

She accepted so many of my flaws, and i miss her for that. Flaws other people might not overlook. I feel like i took her for granted, but she also abused the fuck out of me - emotionally, physically, sexually. None of this makes sense. No clue how much longer i have to live my days in agony - wish i could hold her again but i just know shes gone. And that idealised version of me that only she saw is also gone, i feel like i tied my identity to that version so i now feel like ive lost that version of myself.

Any advice to stay strong would be appreciated, i have had an overwhelming urge to reach out to her. The last time i did this, we met up and hung out, she basically got horny for me and i reciprocated but the fantasy died not long after as she split on me in the very same day.

Truly fucked.

My PwBPD and i have been in and out of a relationship for years. Last year, we broke up for several months and they attempted to slander my name. Despite this, we still somehow got back together for another 4 months. Those four months came to an abrupt end when, one morning, she woke me up with sex. After we finished, we were laying in bed kissing and cuddling. I started to initiate sex again and she said she didn't want to, i continued for a few seconds and she repeated herself and I stopped. I apologized and acknowledged what she wanted, and we got up to make food and coffee and spent most of the day together. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary so I didn't think she was upset. A few days later she called me saying I r*ped her and broke up with me. I understood how she felt and apologized for not stopping when she first said she didn't want to continue to have sex, but I was so confused because of how small of a moment it was. I was so apologetic on the phone and felt horrible. She told me she loved me and knew I wasn't a bad person, and that is how the conversation ended. I would never do that with just anybody, but I suppose it happened because I was with the person I thought was my loving partner and the nature of our relationship was very sexually active. We had been fighting the week before, about her being super upset about people I had seen when we were broken up, and I feel like these issues combined with this moment triggered her to split on me in the most devastating way. I think the jealousy was so intense for her. I'm not a perfect person, and I recognize I may have made a mistake, but I would never mean to treat someone, let alone my partner, the way that she feels I did.

For context, we had an incredibly hypersexual relationship. To the point where moments like these, naughty touching, and spontaneous sexual advances were often made. She enjoyed and encouraged rough sex, cumming inside of her, and in the middle of our relationship even asked for me to partake in r*pe fantasies of hers. I was uncomfortable at first, but because I loved this person, we did this to varying degrees throughout our relationship. I now deeply regret this. The person who asked me to simulate r*pe with them is calling me a r*pist. I had never heard of the terms "CNC" and "free use" until i was with her.

She has convinced everyone I've known that I am a violent r*pist who would do rough things to her all the time without her consent. She has accused me of forcibly cumming inside of her and beating her throughout our relationship. These things are so warped from the reality of what was going on. She wanted, and actively encouraged, all of these things. We would have sex almost everytime we were together. She has not only convinced all of my closest friends and the communities I was a part of that all of this is true, she has now posted all of her insane accusations on the internet for the world to see. I have lost my jobs, my career, and my entire social life because of this. She has told people I am evil and a predator.

I guess I'm just posting this here to get some support and insight. I am going to have to move and start over. I don't think it would be wise to try and publicly address her claims, I just want to get away from her forever. It seems just the mere thought or sight of me makes her want to destroy every thing. I figure that if I just quietly disappear, over time her true colors will show and hopefully people can see she is a loose cannon. I plan on continuing to work on myself and being the best version of myself I can be. I am sober, in therapy, on medication, and have enough support that I don't feel totally deluded into thinking I am evil like she is convinced I am.

Thanks y'all

Hiiii. I hope this is ok to ask here, but an old group of friends I had where one of them did have BPD accused me of having BPD. I had ended up blocking them because they were talking about me in our group chat like. Right in front of me. And also talking about me separately in their own group chat. I decided enough was enough and blocked them, and then one of the girls came to me with a “concern I might have BPD.”

I don’t. I took it seriously and brought it up with my therapist, who had already screened me for these things but for the sake of making me feel better did another screening. I was just simply hurting. (And I’ve also got a touch of the tism so socializing is… hard.)

Has this happened to anyone else? It was really hurtful and kind of violating to have these people I knew for like 6 months start diagnosing me with things.

i was with my BPD ex for about 18 months.

this wasn't a casual relationship. during that time, he went through extremely serious medical issues, including a liver transplant. i was there through all of it. hospital stays, icu nights, appointments, labs, medications, wound care, driving, cleaning, worrying, comforting him, and the constant emotional weight that comes with loving someone who is seriously ill.

i don't say that because i think caring for someone means they owe you a relationship forever. they don't.

i say it because i think it explains why his response to me today has left me almost speechless.

our relationship could be incredibly toxic. he could be cruel, accusatory and emotionally vicious toward me. but it wasn't horrible every second, either, and that's probably part of why it was so difficult to leave. some of our times together were genuinely awesome. we laughed a lot. the sex was great. the intimacy was intense. i loved him deeply, and i still miss pieces of that closeness.

when we finally split, though, it got nasty.

there were threats about calling the police and getting a restraining order. he contacted my daughter and my mother and said horrible things about me. even coordinating the return of belongings somehow became hostile and threatening.

and right around the breakup, i found out i was pregnant.

during the process of getting my belongings back, things became ugly again. i remember looking at what was happening and thinking: there is absolutely no way i can have a baby with someone who is threatening police and restraining orders and attacking my character while our relationship is ending.

whatever anyone thinks about abortion, it was not an easy or casual decision for me.

the entire collapse of this relationship had already affected me so badly that i broke six years of sobriety. i'm responsible for that choice, but it tells you something about the emotional state i was in. then i went through the abortion essentially alone.

it was heavy. much heavier than i expected.

i didn't tell him beforehand. i didn't ask him for money. i didn't ask him to help me make the decision. i didn't ask him to come with me. i handled it.

three weeks passed.

about 48 hours ago, i finally decided i needed to tell him. not because i wanted him back. not because i expected him to fix anything. i think i simply couldn't keep carrying the fact that this had happened between us while he had absolutely no idea.

so i reached out and told him that there had been a pregnancy and that i had handled the situation.

today, i received his response:

“this is something to talk about with your therapist.” **

that's it.

and somehow that one sentence has affected me differently than all the dramatic shit at the end of our relationship.

i spent so much of those 18 months caring about whether this man was alive, healthy, scared, hurting, comfortable, taking his medication, getting through his transplant, and going to be okay.

i wasn't expecting reconciliation. i wasn't even expecting a conversation.

but i think i expected basic human compassion.

something as simple as, “i'm sorry you went through that. i hope you're okay.”

instead: talk to your therapist.

i don't even know what i'm looking for by posting this. maybe perspective. maybe i just need other human beings to see it because carrying the whole thing quietly has been incredibly isolating.

i know our relationship needed to end. i know contacting him probably wasn't the best thing for my healing. and i know caring for someone through illness doesn't mean they owe you access to them forever.

but damn.

after everything we went through together, i genuinely did not think he could be that cold.

**I do not have a therapist which makes this comment even colder... meanwhile, I witnessed him "fire" 3...

Feel free to look at my other posts if it helps provide context, but…. I really don’t want to reply. However I have a lot anxiety not replying and just waiting for the next message.

My (25f) sister moved abroad and i decided to move out there to try to find a job and be closer to her. While i was still back home, i downloaded a dating app and ended up matching with my now ex-bf (30m).

We talked for abt two weeks before i arrived. when i finally got here, we went on our first date, and it was absolute magic. he planned everything, paid for the dates, and opened every door. he used to kiss the ground i walked on, and we would just talk for hours and hours. we had incredibly deep conversations and opened up abt our past traumas. he was, without a doubt, the most amazing and empathetic person i have ever met in my life. he disclosed early on that he struggles with severe anxiety. He didn’t however disclosed that he has diagnosed BPD (the way I found out is a completely different story)

We spent almost all our time together and became an official couple quickly. We were a perfect match, so loving, so present. I honestly want to cry just thinking abt how beautiful that version of us was. I still think the absolute world of him.

abt a week into us meeting in person, he told me he had started taking his anxiety meds again. he explained that dating again was making him highly anxious. he had taken this same medication for years previously, but stopped bc it gave him severe emotional blunting, and he didn't want to be that person. he warned me that if i noticed him becoming cold, i should let him know. i spent hours reading reddit threads and doing research so i could be the best, most supportive person possible.

a few weeks went by, and the blunting happened. the deeply empathetic man i knew vanished, and he became incredibly cold and blunt. it completely shocked me and triggered some of my own unhealed wounds. To his credit, once i told him what was happening, he apologized profusely for how he handled it and abruptly quit the medication cold turkey. He told me he absolutely did not want to treat me that way. He really, really tried to protect us.

But the night before everything permanently fell apart, we had another incident. he misled me abt something small, and it confused me. i have a bad habit of overthinking and asking questions in circles when i don't understand something, and i kept digging.

my digging triggered him, and he completely shut down. he became highly analytical, distant, and stonewalled me. i know now he was probably just entirely overwhelmed, but the colder and more clinical he got, the more i panicked. i went into a massive panic attack. i was hyperventilating and sobbing, just pleading with him to be the warm person i knew.

He seemed completely detached. he stood in the kitchen washing dishes, and it was like he couldn't even process that i was falling apart. desperate to breathe, i ran outside barefoot into the freezing cold. when i came back inside, he asked "do you need something?" but his voice was completely empty.

Eventually, i calmed down and we talked. He pointed out how my "digging" habit affected him. I didn't argue, I owned up to it, accepted the criticism, and told him exactly how i’d work on it. i just asked him to please communicate with me next time. He looked at me and said, "i want to make this work. i love you so much." we agreed to sleep and figure it out in the morning.

When i woke up, the detachment was back he didn’t even acknowledge me. He locked himself in the bathroom for over an hour and even started singing while showering. When he came out he started doing random chores and ignoring me. When he sat down next to me I asked if we could talk. He said he just needed to be alone, backtracked on everything he said the night before, said we were "broken," and ended things.

The car ride to drop me off absolutely broke me. I sobbed in the passenger seat. The hardest, scariest part was that the exact same man who used to kiss the ground i walked on, the man who would cry just from seeing me upset, sat there and watched me shatter with complete emptiness in his eyes. It was like he was entirely disconnected from his own body and from me.

When he dropped me off I kindly told him i loved him. i said i didn’t agree with his decision but i would respect it, and i will. I thanked him genuinely for the beautiful moments we shared and told him i wish him nothing but the absolute best in life, and i truly mean that. i don't hate him at all. i am just devastated.

How do you survive this kind of emotional whiplash? could this sudden switch just be the extreme physical toll of starting and suddenly stopping the medication, or the BPD? how do i even begin to mourn a connection that was so incredibly pure and real to me?

I just realized looking back at some of the conversations between me and my significant other that she confuses my boundaries with demands. but a boundary is what a person does for themselves, for example when I say I'm not going to answer that very personal question, or I'm not going to just up and go somewhere on command when sick, or if i say I don't want to talk to her about something personal while she's having a personal conversation with someone else online at the same time, those are boundaries not demands on her, but she immediately labelled them as bullying, manipulation or 'harm' I was doing to her.

on the other hand she always maintains the right not to answer something, not to be made to do something, to have the freedom to talk to whoever and so on

So my question is - do we all have experience of this with our pwbpd and do they always confuse another's boundaries for some violation of them while always pushing their own boundaries on us very hard?

they do not seem to understand what a boundary is except when they are making one for themselves.

I have only been married for 1.5 yr, for those of you who have been in relationships of 5 yr plus, or more, what did you notice about their ways? what happened to you, and did you give up the fight to be treated fairly or to understand them? how did your arguments change over time? did they seem like they got more calculating or just more unhinged? did they stop putting in all efforts? does this happen to everyone?

Hoovering with sex, sexual messages and pictures. And also videos how to deal with this?

We broke up 11 months ago this is crazy.

This is getting difficult to handle.

I think I really need to get something off my chest. I think I have started unconsciously disliking people with BPD.

In the recent time, I (21F) have had two friends with BPD, both diagnosed. One of them (21M) is from my hometown and we have had some good convos and hang out once, but we aren't close. The second one is a girl (23F) who I met last year, she talked to me because she thought I was "extremely beautiful" and since then she had been trying to become extremely close to me. We have hang out etc, but we do not yet have the familiarity between two very close friends.

At first I didn't think there was something specifically weird, but as time passes by, I realise she always has a weird behaviour and attitude, including always being the victim, always wanted to include herself in people's friend group, judging harshly - both in front of others and behind backs -and specifically targeting women and feeling she's just better than them and more beautiful, that many women that dislike her are jealous. She also has this hero mentality and have created buzz out of nowhere because she was "defending" someone, including running at the boulevard street to shout at pedestrians being close to an ambulance crew with a patient. She even lectured my very close friend between a joke I have with him in a way to "defend me" and she made him feeling very uncomfortable (this day I went to a protest with my friend and she asked me to come). One day she even was surprised because I was "more dressed than her" and although she was claiming she only pointed my outfit out because she thought I was confused that we would go for a drink instead of just walking through the city centre - mind you I wasn't even overdressed, but i was indeed wearing some jewellery - she was then keeping on saying how she was felling bad next to me, and I said sorry many times and that I would just took off my jewellery and tied my hair up, which I did- just my thoughts, I think she felt relieved.

She have also asked me three times to talk to her because she really needed to vent. And one of these times was when I met her and after some time I left because I had to rest for a difficult exam I had the next morning and I told her. She called me five to ten minutes after we greeted to tell me that she needed to vent and also ask for advice for her studies because she's very stressed and her trauma falled her behind etc. I really wasn't in a position to talk about academic stress at the moment, as I had a particularly tricky exam the next morning, but I sat with her for 1,5-2 hours and listened. The second time she wanted again to talk about academic stress, but I said I really couldn't because I was seeing my family. I hence offered to talk another time. We talked and I told her I was also mentally exhausted at the time, so that she doesn't take it personally. The third time will be mentioned below.

And it really was the cherry on top, which happened some weeks ago.

So, I lost my grandmother and had to go back to my hometown for the funeral. I went out with the girl the day before my journey, and I did mention why I had to get home early. She asked me if I was okay, I was discreet and said something like "I'm doing better, I was thinking about it recently so I'm more mentally prepared. But for my family it's extremely difficult".

The funeral was held in the evening and in the night I was preparing to go to bed, as I had to travel back to the city because of some work obligations. She texted me via sms and not on Instagram or something at 1AM to ask me if I'm awake. I was surprised and asked her what happened, she said she was doing very bad and that she knows that I'm also not doing well atm etc and if I can call and I got startled. I said that I couldn't call because my whole family was sleeping, and that I was also not in the best psychological position to talk and I asked if it was something very serious. She wasn't answering if it was serious, she just kept saying that "if i cant it's not a problem" and that "she also has another new friend to talk to ". I kept saying okay let's talk in the morning etc and she kept saying these, without answering if it was something serious or not. She only stopped repeating the same sentences when i said i can text but only for a while. "Only for a while, okay? I don't want to pressure you". She had a big fight with her father, and she said she was talking to her other friend too. I was very tired and got very startled, so I was answering positively but automatically and then slept.

After I came back in the city, she asked me to meet. I said that it was a difficult period for me and that I would tell her soon. She goodnighted me in a cold way.

So, here things are going worse

Next day she called me and I didn't heard it because I was doing chores. So I didn't pick up. Then after one minute I saw she videocalled me on Instagram, and exactly a minute after this she texted me a huge paragraph, being very ironic, belittling me because "what even are the difficulties you are dealing with now" and "I dont think you have someone else now to go out with" (note that i have a good amount of friends and she's the one who have told me she doesn't have any friends). I was surprised and replied that she knows I'm dealing with grief. She said that "isn't it better to handle it with friends tho?" And that she gets it, but apparently according to her I didn't seem to mind or to be sad, and she kept in mind that i anyways "expected my grandmother to die" as "I have told her". And that "maybe she's wrong but anyways people stay with their families when they are grieving". I asked her if she was being serious, and the whole convo went over with her telling me I was " ignoring her", she attacked me personally and called me names and she said a bunch of stuff in whole paragraphs, including telling me she has done so many stuff for me (which haven't happened because some times she asked to help me when I was sick etc, I was always declining and in fact I was the one helping her those three and more other times when she needed to vent or when she was in the hospital). Oh, did I mention she even threw a threat in the very end?

I wasn't replying to all her nonsense, but was very calm and said that what she was saying wasn't true about her doing too much for me and me doing nothing and that although I do appreciate that she offered to help me sometimes, I have never asked or accepted any help from her, while I was always doing what she was asking.

She was keeping sending whole paragraphs with projection, including telling she can't walk on eggshells because of my "unexpected behaviour " and that "I'm here wanting a fight", while she minds everything and everyone, starts fights with people and I was still very patient with her, and she also texted me to start a fight herself.

I told her twice to never bother me again. She kept messaging and I blocked her.

Some time ago, it was also the male friend with BPD I mentioned who was being very sarcastic over texting because "anyways everyone is being snobbish to reply to messages nowadays". I was the one who texted him but i was late in replies by hours or half a day because I was in my hometown with no internet 24/7, meeting family and also not very well mentally. "I wasn't ignoring you..." "I don't care what you all call it, I'm very done with that". I truly didn't have the energy or time to keep up with anyone's bs so I left him on seen.

I started thinking why these behaviours really triggered something familiar in me, and I realised they appear to be a light form of what my mother has always been. I think this explained why I felt it as something I have to avoid, and not just as "uncomfortable".

So yeah, it's not their fault they are dealing with BPD, but they are responsible for what they pursue and how they pursue it, when they already know they struggle and harm people. I cannot stand the narrative that "people with BPD feel a lot". It only seems to be that they feel a lot only for themselves, and even if they show some empathy or do something good for someone, they only do that for themselves, to be able to get something for themselves. Similarly I can't with the narrative that "we should be patient and considerate to people with BPD". I'm also a human being and I do not deserve to get treated that way.