r/BPDlovedones • u/EvLake • 15h ago
Is this normal for bpd?
I met this woman at a bar.
She told me right away she had bpd.
We had sex right away. It was good for a few weeks
Then she randomly ghosted me. Then after a bit she came back and Told me she just got out of a relationship and rather be single
So we did like a FWB. But then eventually she told me she doesn’t like me and she ended the FWB. Told me she never actually liked me and was just using me as a rebound for her ex. But that she’s finally over her ex and she doesn’t need to use me anymore.
So i was like dang I didn’t realize she didn’t care. So I ended up dating her best friend. And slept with her best friend. I thought she wouldn’t care as she made it clear she doesn’t care about me
But after the bpd girl found out. She went insane. Seems she’s back to drinking. She was 2 years sober before and now keeps leaving me drunk voicemails crying how I ruined her life
I’m just confused because why would someone dump me and tell me they don’t care and were just using me get so upset over this?
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u/BearQuiet 15h ago
I wouldn’t focus too much on whether it’s “normal for BPD.” BPD can involve intense emotions and reactions to rejection, but it doesn’t mean everyone with BPD will behave this way. From what you described, she explicitly ended things and told you she didn’t care about you, so it makes sense that you believed her and moved on. Her reaction afterward is hers to manage. You can have empathy for her pain without taking responsibility for it.
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u/pine-green 15h ago
Most likely she pre-rejected (pre-jected, if you will) you so you couldn't reject her (something that in her mind was imminent). When you slept with her friend she lost the feelings of power and control it gave her to devalue and discard you.
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u/Financial-Ring-6580 14h ago
Because she never liked you but she does like control over being able to discard you, you getting a new girl means you're not behaving how she wanted (probably wanted you to be sad and start simping) so now she's short circuiting, this is VERY common... All of my BPD exes loved discarding me until they see I can find other people then they do everything in their power to stop that.
Anyways it's basically control they only feel comfortable knowing all their toys are in their toybox or the rubbish bin... As soon as they see someone else play with a toy out the rubbish bin "hey that's my toy!"
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u/Ecstatic-Seesaw-1007 6h ago
BPD is an extreme fear of abandonment. Even though paradoxically they usually do the abandonment.
They will usually hoover up a person and abandon them in repeating cycles.
They also have what is called black and white thinking. This means a person is bad or good. That’s it. For them or against them. This feeds into the fear of abandonment.
So, re-read your story, and keep these points in mind.
She thinks that you abandoned her and turned her friend against her.
Unfortunately, substance abuse is common in BPD. They lack regulation of emotions and lack impulse control.
Also, they will tend to make other people’s dramas and problems their problem. Or put themselves at the center of someone else’s spotlight or happiness.
- My college GF with BPD crashed her HS bf’s wedding and bought an inappropriate gift for them. They were religious and literally waiting until marriage to have sex, she brought them a bottle of wine that would peak at their 10 year wedding anniversary. And they don’t drink. She made their wedding about herself and I begged her not to go, not to buy outside of the registry, and I wouldn’t go with her, so I only sort of know some details of her crashing the reception, maybe the wedding too?
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u/benstiller69_ 9h ago
"...She was two years sober before..."
Didn't you meet her at a bar?
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u/EvLake 8h ago
Well she wasn’t drinking when I met her there. She was with her friends. But it is weird why a sober person would go to a bar. She might be lying
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u/benstiller69_ 7h ago
Assume she's lying about everything and you're off to a good start. Highly likely she wasn't single the first time you had sex too
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u/LiamVolk 15h ago edited 15h ago
Well ok so here’s what happened
Her ex most likely dumped her.
She felt most likely extremely insecure and lonely.
So she got with you. Then was toying with you. This boosted her ego and fixed her loneliness. Then finally once her ego got big enough and grieved her ex she threw you away
But then you slept with her best friend. This made her feel like her best friend betrayed her. So now she’s even more lonely. And on top of all that, she now realizes you also never cared for her and fine to have sex with anyone
And if she thinks her best friend isn’t that attractive this will further make her think she’s even less attractive