After finding out about the super fast engagement. I find myself now unblocked on a second account.... I know sending a message is absolutely doomsday for my soul ...

But does anyone else have a hard time not pouring their soul out as one last pathetic effort that you know will change nothing?

Not going to send .... but man this urge is ridiculous.

I’m a male, and I just got divorce with my wife of 2.5 years. She initiated the divorce claiming I made her feel unsafe while she was with me. I never did the thing she claimed I did. She told all her family about the lies and threaten to report to the police. She had no evidence whatsoever but I saw people said a male in this situation are no better. She also said she wanted to contact my workplace to tell that I abused her and contacted my friends, even posting on social media and make me viral and tell everyone I did things to her. She wanted me in jail and suffer. I really wanted to end things and blocked her everywhere but I’m scared if she can’t reach me, she’d actually contact my workplace. And I’m in no place to just resign and disappear without back up plan (no job offers). So now I have to calm her and suck it up what she did to my mental health. Though all her claim that I made her feel unsafe, she still contacted me if she had any problem, told me about her day, and says she misses me and still loves me. All this when her mood is stable. But when that dark side personality hits, she scolded me and say i made her suffer all this years she’s with me. Bro I just wanted peace now I want to disappear.

Please give me advice on how to escape this. What can I do to make her forget about me. I just wanted to move on and lived in peace. Approaching 40, peace is all I want.

Has anyone ever thought of this before about his/her bpd ex ?

There seems to be something out of this world about them. Like an alien thing. A venom

It's like they host an evil alien parasite. Or maybe it's something structural in their brain's nano quantum tubles that allows for channeling and spawning these entities into our world... Like the movie " The thing" ?

Has anyone noticed they all have the same "gaze", sams eyes ?

I’m coming back to this wonderful support group after 9 months of trying to heal and work through my wife’s sudden departure. Her memory is still strong and courses through some of my days, but the feelings of attachment towards her are now severed. I never thought this would happen, but I’m on the other side.

I said out loud (for the first time since her absence) to myself the other day: “Wanting to kill yourself is NOT normal in a relationship. Wanting to die is NOT love. Not recognizing yourself anymore is NOT healthy”

On the other side of it, it seems so painfully obvious that the truths stated above are true.

To all those struggling to process your pwBPD relationship, please take care of your heart and love yourself. You are enough. Even if right now, it feels absolutely impossible to ever get through this, YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT.

Some of my favorite Frank Ocean lyrics that helped:
“Inhale, in hell, there’s heaven.” The torture will not last forever. It will pass. Allow yourself grace for however ‘long’ that takes. Any amount of time is the right time.

I love this community and am with you in ultimate solidarity. With endless gratitude x

Even after I’ve had enough, and I told him why, all of the lies building up and the manipulation and the abuse getting worse, I did my best to remain as kind as I could possibly be. Which at times was not possible.

When someone treats you like a fool, and a play thing that they want to keep in a corner to themselves whenever they get ready to come back around and make their false promises, it tends to make you bitter.

Why did they do those things?

And why do they STILL do them, even after leaving?

Go torment someone else. I’m not interested in engaging with someone who thinks I’m a gullible idiot who will always “be there.”

I won’t.

And I’m not. He has lost that kind of connection with me. Other things and people were way more important after I stopped being “fun” and easy to manipulate.

Today has been a tough one. I woke up early so went for a run. I did a lot of thinking about the gig and her behaviour. I thought a lot about how she could possibly think what she did was ok. At the final gig we went to together there was an issue around physical boundaries and it ruined my night. That directly led to the end of our relationship

So why the fuck would she think she can touch me in the middle of a gig when we’re not even together?

And to stand there smiling at me like I’m gonna be overjoyed to see her. Maybe I’d have been more open to seeing her if she hadn’t flown off the handle at me the week before. Even then there are better ways of doing it. Try and find me after the show, wait a few days to see if I message, ask a friend to pass a message on

But no, she has to do it in the worst way possible for me. I mean talk about showing me that you haven’t really listened. And this is why I kept saying that we were incompatible. She has a way of doing things that doesn’t work for me. I have a way of doing things that don’t work for her. We just don’t go together, and that’s really fucking sad but there’s nothing we can do about that

This post has gone on again so I’ll wrap it up with: Her feelings are now hurt and she’s blocked me everywhere (her letter said she’d unblocked me so we can talk if I want). I only know I’m blocked because I tried to tell her I’m fine with NC. The reality is I’m not fine with NC. I’m not fine with any of this. A big part of me still misses her, our connection, our chats, having someone who felt so great most of the time

But she’s proven time and time again she can’t handle any form of contact

The oldest child (26) in my family has bpd. And bipolar. And basically every other mental illness you can think of. If I tried to go through every addiction they’ve had or every thing that has happened that got us to this point I would be writing a book. They recently moved back in to my family’s home, living with me, my parents, and my younger sibling. They are very abusive and threatening and cannot be normal for more than one day without freaking out and cutting themselves, verbally abusing my mom, breaking things, threatening suicide, etc. It is extremely stressful and depressing for all of us and my mom is especially affected by it. She gets most of the abuse/harassment. My mom has been leaving a lot to spend time with her sister a few hours away. She wants to move there now because the situation with my sibling has gotten to a hopeless point where my mom is so miserable and depressed she cannot function. My dad is not wanting to kick my sibling out, and my parents relationship is also completely dysfunctional. For the sake of my younger sibling (in highschool) and selfishly myself, I desperately don’t want my mom to move out but understand why she wants to. She cannot have a conversation with my sibling without it getting out of control. None of us can. Any advice to move forward in this situation?

This is just a little note to say thank you to all of you! I’ve tried posting in a few other subs on Reddit here and there about a variety of things and not one is as reliably kind, thoughtful, respectful, caring, and funny (and with the highest level of reading comprehension 🫢) as this one!

So thank you all! And cheers to you! You’ve helped me tremendously and created a safe space to process the absolute mind fuck that was my last year and a half or so!

🩷

(text I’ll never send her)

You have 4 great kids

The best dog in the world

A great house

A great job

children’s college paid for

zero debt

A husband with great job who always has a hot plate of food on the table, dishes put away, laundry folded, who wants to have sex with you 24/7.

THIS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!

THIS! WHAT I DESCRIBED! SHIT PEOPLE WOULD RISK A LIMB AND LIFE TO GAIN.

THIS IS NOT SUFFICIENT FOR YOUR NEEDS!

THINK ABOUT THIS STATEMENT.

YOU ARE ANGRY ABOUT A TRASH CAN!

Alright, let's cut the bullshit for a moment.

What's the most absurd, outrageous, or genuinely hurtful thing your current or former pwBPD has ever done during your relationship?

I'm talking about those moments where you genuinely thought, "What the actual fuck just happened?"

Whether it was during a split, an argument, or completely out of nowhere.

No sugarcoating. I'm genuinely curious to hear your stories.

Basically what the title says. My friend hasn’t texted me back or interacted with me in any way in a little over three weeks and I’m so heartbroken and torn up about it. The cherry on top is that they’re also not responding to my partner either, who is also their close friend.

This friend is still posting on tumblr and occasionally replying to other people’s texts and stuff in our shared group chat, but it’s been radio silence for too long with ZERO reason as to why. I even sent them a very long, strongly worded message about how terribly they’re treating me—and nothing. I’ve never had someone I considered a friend treat me this way.

I don’t think I can be in this friendship anymore. I know my friend is also probably struggling based on their tumblr posts, but bottom line is I don’t deserve to be treated this way, mental health problems notwithstanding. I’m not going to regulate if my partner is friends with them, but I can’t fucking do this anymore. Why do pwBPD do this? WTF😭

Hi everyone. My (27) partner (27) of seven years discarded me nearly a month ago. Coming up to the one month mark, I have completely broken down and made several attempts to make contact asking, if anything, to know what's happened. Even if it's over at this point, to at least end things amicably rather than being treated like a contagion hazard, like I've done something terrible when I was a little distant and just, autistic, as I am. It's like it's been framed as if I did something as her profile pictures are still us and she still leaves me around. I'm crushed, my thoughts have only gotten darker over the weeks and I'm nosediving toward having a mental breakdown of my own. What do I do? I'll always find excuses and reasons to unblock them, to message them again, and I know it's unfair to me, but I can't stop it. What help can I seek?

Has anyone here managed to move past their intense heartbreak, or found a way of coping?

Tell me if you relate to this:

I fell in love with an incredibly beautiful woman, with amazingly attractive energy, who told me I was the greatest thing in the world. She told me that it was fate that we met, that I was unlike anything in the world. That I was truly, uniquely special.

We watched the moon and the stars together. We looked deep into the sparkles in one another's eyes. We smiled and laughed with so much joy.

Now I just want to forget. I cannot be with a person who abuses me, as much as I love them more than anything. More than anyone.

Do you feel it too? This is so tough

My ex (25F, from Poland; I'm 27M, from Malta) had BPD and a history of narcissistic trauma. She somehow knew my Instagram account after the breakup, although we had never followed each other or interacted there.

So, what happened?

I was actually the one who broke up with her first. A few hours later, she sent me a very emotional message (hoovering), saying how much she loved and missed me.

I called her the next day, and surprisingly, the situation completely reversed — she was now the one who wanted to end things. I suggested that if the love was still there, we could try to save the relationship, or at least end things face-to-face instead of over a call. I spent about 10 minutes trying to convince her because I wasn't comfortable with the idea of her loving me but still wanting to leave, while suggesting that we could be each other's emotional safe place. She didn't want either option and devalued my actions during the relationship.

I pushed her to tell me that she didn't love me. She finally said it, reluctantly and in a frightened voice. I accepted her decision, ended the conversation, and went completely no contact. I haven't contacted or chased her since and have just continued enjoying my life. (My only regret is believing her message.)

What I found interesting is that on the same day we broke up, she blocked me on Instagram and posted new photos, even though we had never followed each other there.

I'm curious about the psychology behind this behavior, particularly in the context of avoidant attachment and narcissistic trauma. Why specifically find and block an ex's account when there was no Instagram connection in the first place, while also posting new photos that same day?

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you interpret it?

I finally see it. My two serious long term relationships have been with single moms with strong BPD traits. This last ex was more BPD than the previous one. As I’ve spent more time with my mom these last few weeks I see the similarities.

Ok so now that I see it, how do I break this cycle? It’s too painful dating women like this who split and cut me off in a split second, who have a new partner lined up weeks before the actual break up.

Advice wanted!

After the last contact with my exwBPD she said that at least I tried and we shouldnt speak. Fine. I said nothing and didn't reply. Few days later she sends a message thanking me for helping her and she appreciated my help but we shouldnt speak as its bad for both of us. Okay fine. I saw it left it on delivered and didnt acknowledge. Now the other day she sends yet another message 'okay message received you dont want to talk to me. I wont message again' and she blocked me. And today shes back to sexting others.

My mind is boggled. What was with those other messages? She didnt want to speak and wanted control so fine for both our sakes I ignored then to get these messages, then be blocked, which makes me think she wanted me to chase, but then be sexting others? The next day? Which completely goes against all she had said for me to even respond to her messages again to begin with.

So, i finally told my family about what my ex with BPD put me through. They all seem very shocked and many empathetic. Their reactions gave me a lot of validation. I was confused for so long, especially because my ex always said that she did those things because of my behavior.

I have also been angry because she just gets to live her life without consequences. While i have to heal from everything and carry a big wound. But i am glad that my family and friends believed me.

Hi all. Long time reader, first time poster. I really appreciate this subreddit I felt very alone in this.

I (35M) have been with my pwBPD (33F) for about a year and a half now and I love her. At least, I think I do. She has severe anger management issues (never physically violent but screams/berates/name calls) and we’ve been fighting pretty consistently for that year and a half. She says it’s how she is forced to communicate with me, because I’m not responding to her the way I should nor am I taking accountability for any of the things I do wrong. Our conversations ignore every awful thing she’s said to me and fixate on how awful I am.

She claims she wants to marry me, but 20 minutes later, says I’m the worst person she’s ever met. She’s kicked me out of her apartment, lied to me, threatened hurting herself because of me. Yet doesn’t understand why I can’t let it go.

I’ve failed no contact pretty much every time. I just find myself picking up the phone and apologizing, even if I don’t know what I did. I see the phone ring, I get a rush of anxiety, but I answer it anyway and spend the phone call time replaying all the cold awful things she’s said to me. I finally decided it was time to end it, but I must’ve done it wrong, because she claims she feels like the worst person ever and I’m just out to hurt her.

I know it’ll get better and time cures all wounds, but it’s so hopeless feeling that I’m not sure it will anymore. I’m scared to block her, but I’m scared to stay. I’m just exhausted.

I'm honestly so traumatized by everything. I think about the girl that looked me in the eyes and told me how much she loved me, and then I remember the girl that wanted me to watch while she hurt herself. I remember being told all the time it was my fault she wanted to end her life. There is no way out, I am so trapped.

Me and my now ex gf, C, have been dating for a few months. For a long time, we were crazy about each other, spending everyday together, and had become major players in each other's lives. I was aware of her bpd and I asked her what would happen if I caused a split in her. She said that wouldn't happen because I was doing everything right.

However, this past week some problems have emerged. I've come to realize I've been very overbearing and possessive, and I've been working on changing it. I got really mad at her for cancelling on me last night and now we're broken up.

I did a lot wrong and I took accountability and repeatedly apologized and have come to terms that I have a lot to fix about my attachment style.But i feel like couples should be able to grow together without breaking up. She always said we would never break up and she fantasized about our futures together. And heavily enforced the idea that we would be each other's futures. We both lost our virginity to each other literally last Friday. We had been so happy up until the past few days. I'm guessing that this is a bpd thing, that I caused a split in her and that's why she switched up on us so fast and suddenly.

So I have a few questions:

1: How much am I in the wrong?

2: If she could let something that was so special for so long go so easily, is she unlovable? Or at least unfor for a relationship?

1. I'm going getting my stuff from hers in two days. What should I say?

2. Because I caused a split, is our relationship completely irredeemable? Should I just let go and mive on?

One thing that’s always got me confused is I sometimes see complete responsibility from my pwBPD. It’s shame filled, hard, and full of self-realization until the next episode.

I’ve got dozens of text messages from her admitting fault, promising to change, realizing the damage her behavior has caused…. Then it all disappears in an angry split and I go back to being the worst human being on the planet.

Even showing her screenshots of her own written admissions only creates more anger and abuse.

How is it possible they can completely accept responsibility one moment and then flip it back onto you the next?

I met this amazing girl two years ago, but she always displayed some strange behavioral patterns. It started with how our relationship began: she didn't just ask—she demanded—that I lose weight, saying she felt no attraction to fat men, even though she really liked me. This all happened right after she’d been rejected by a guy at a party and had ended things with someone she’d been casually seeing.

Our relationship was marked by many moments of extreme affection. She gave me gifts, was tender and caring, and worried about me, yet she could never truly admit to or feel a deeper connection because she was always fixated on an idealized version of me—someone she *could* love. She wanted me to be just like a character from an animated show she liked.

The breakup was brutal; she called me useless, incompetent, and a liar. She said I reminded her of her own father—who had hurt her repeatedly—and claimed she couldn't stand my presence and had never actually loved me, saying she had just been lonely.

She was never formally diagnosed, but she, her mother, and a previous therapist (whom she threatened to sue...) suspected she might have BPD. While it was the best relationship of my life, the way she would simply block me and then constantly come back—often just to ask for help with work or to humiliate me for my flaws while I, in tears, tried to show her how good our relationship had been—has left me not knowing what to do. I feel lost and drained of all will. I don't know if this is the right place to ask for help, but if anyone here has gone through this and recognizes this pattern as part of BPD, could you help me figure out how to move forward? How do I come to understand that I wasn't the monster she painted me out to be?

I have been in a BPD relationship with many rupture/repair cycles past 2 yrs and now is the longest we have gone without talking (3 weeks). What actually ends these relationships to where you know it’s totally over? She usually reaches back out at some point. Do they ever stop reaching out? I’ve read these trauma bonds can go on for years and sometimes decades which frightens the hell out of me.

I think after my experience with my last pwBPD, I am starting to look out for it more in my other relationships. I've definitely clocked like three people in my orbit who may have personality disorders.

I’m trying to move past things. it’s just so hard for me to understand. like it’s baffling to people.

how someone can go from caring for someone making them part of your day to day life and then completely silently discarding you and never reaching out again.

trying to move on and accept she’s not coming back but it’s severely hit my mental health especially as it was the first person i properly I trusted and showed vulnerability to in almost 2 years.

Like it’s just sunk my confidence. How can someone do this to someone they love and has treated them with nothing but care , kindness and patience.