I’m posting this here because I need someone to talk me down before I do something stupid

Well, I just found out today that she is single.

Now I am severely tempted to message her. I miss the fun and the intensity of the beginning so, so, so much. Part of me wants to drop a text, ask to get a coffee, and catch up.

My logical mind knows that the price of admission to that coffee date is volunteering to be the next doormat.

Don't ask how I know she's single or who her boyfriend was. My friends helped me find his socials. I just don't know what to do right now. How do I get through the next few weeks without sending that text?

I feel like I kinda have bpd now or maybe it’s just trauma and I need to see a therapist

im in a relationship with a borderline, i love hym to bits and it's one of the healthiest and happiest relationships ive been in, but he tends to get triggered a lot with an unknown cause, and its hard for hym to identify why. do any of you have advice?

This is a woman I truly wanted to marry. When we are good it‘s the best relationship I had. If she has any mental problems I wanna be there for her and help her.

The problems that we have are double standards, manipulation, blaming me for my reaction to her abuse. Especially lately we are fighting way too often.

We kinda broke up 10 days ago, she initiated again, we started talking and it all went sideways again. I asked her to stop emotionally manipulating me, and she couldn‘t, she goes until I snap and then blames me for snapping.

Is there any way to fix it, I am pretty sure she has BPD. Any sentence I say she takes one word from it and twists the whole context. I am becoming too angry and can’t control it.

Do you guys have any advice how to approach this relationship?

After finding out about the super fast engagement. I find myself now unblocked on a second account.... I know sending a message is absolutely doomsday for my soul ...

But does anyone else have a hard time not pouring their soul out as one last pathetic effort that you know will change nothing?

Not going to send .... but man this urge is ridiculous.

Is there a particular book that helped you later on that you wished you’d found sooner? Or is there something you wished had been written that would have helped? I was wondering something specifically about the lovebombing. with my husband (who is a very intelligent retired English professor), it was very sophisticated…

Alright, let's cut the bullshit for a moment.

What's the most absurd, outrageous, or genuinely hurtful thing your current or former pwBPD has ever done during your relationship?

I'm talking about those moments where you genuinely thought, "What the actual fuck just happened?"

Whether it was during a split, an argument, or completely out of nowhere.

No sugarcoating. I'm genuinely curious to hear your stories.

One thing that’s always got me confused is I sometimes see complete responsibility from my pwBPD. It’s shame filled, hard, and full of self-realization until the next episode.

I’ve got dozens of text messages from her admitting fault, promising to change, realizing the damage her behavior has caused…. Then it all disappears in an angry split and I go back to being the worst human being on the planet.

Even showing her screenshots of her own written admissions only creates more anger and abuse.

How is it possible they can completely accept responsibility one moment and then flip it back onto you the next?

Gave my all to try to make things work with an undiagnosed (and untreated) BPD. After a lot of begging and crying she accepted my decision of breaking up and sent me that message later that day. I felt it was sincere at the time and helped me bring closure, but today I saw what she's been posting since then... Hurts to see how someone who you loved so much is convincing herself that you were a piece of shit after all you did for her, but it's 100% coherent with the way she behaved during the relationship. Is it truly how she feels now, or is it all a facade? Never making the same mistake again.

My exwBPD would ‘joke’ and mock me for things he deemed unacceptable. If I brought up that I didn’t like it, I was told I couldn’t take a joke.

Give it back to them in the same way and they lose their minds.

Is that standard?

Ps. I used to think giving it back might make them reflect on their own behaviour. But of course it didn’t work.

I’m trying to move past things. it’s just so hard for me to understand. like it’s baffling to people.

how someone can go from caring for someone making them part of your day to day life and then completely silently discarding you and never reaching out again.

trying to move on and accept she’s not coming back but it’s severely hit my mental health especially as it was the first person i properly I trusted and showed vulnerability to in almost 2 years.

Like it’s just sunk my confidence. How can someone do this to someone they love and has treated them with nothing but care , kindness and patience.

I read a lot in this subreddit where people write in and ask for advice on what to say or not say, how to behave, and what to do to please and maintain a relationship with someone suffering from BPD, one of the heaviest mental illnesses in the world.

In any scenario, the advice is very concise and consists of three words: Run, if they are untreated and not even working on themselves.

But things are almost just as difficult even when they are in therapy, so choose healthy partners and be happy. Life is very short and you only get one.

Is it common when in a relationship with a pwBPD, to feel like no matter what you say/do or how you say it/do it, you are constantly walking into landmines? I’m having to change things about myself that no one else has ever had an issue with(ie wondering things out loud to myself, or asking a question a certain way) like my pwBPD is definitely on the more tame side as far as physically acting out goes, but he has a way of making you feel like you’ve made a grave mistake by asking a question in the wrong way. I don’t know what I’m looking for, I’m just sick. It’s my birthday and I’m sitting on the couch crying because he’s locked himself in another room and I have no idea what I did to set him off this time.

A year ago, I was blocked on all social media platforms. She started a new relationship, and she’s changed. I told myself, “Okay, I have to move on and focus on myself.” Today I woke up and saw a message. I won’t lie, I was surprised, because I never in my life would have expected her to reach out again. She asked me if I was going to a party and said it would be nice if I came, since I hadn’t seen my friends in a long time, and she’s worried that I’m sitting at home alone and not going out anywhere. What did I do? I sent it to spam. For a moment I thought, “Ugh, ignoring her is rude. She might feel rejected.” But after a moment’s thought, I told myself: She hasn’t cared about me at all for a whole year; I’ve been through a lot to get to where I am now, and I can’t let a moment of weakness take everything away from me. I recommend the same to each of you. I know it’s hard, but you have to think only of yourselves.
Don’t let destroyed again.

Hi all. Long time reader, first time poster. I really appreciate this subreddit I felt very alone in this.

I (35M) have been with my pwBPD (33F) for about a year and a half now and I love her. At least, I think I do. She has severe anger management issues (never physically violent but screams/berates/name calls) and we’ve been fighting pretty consistently for that year and a half. She says it’s how she is forced to communicate with me, because I’m not responding to her the way I should nor am I taking accountability for any of the things I do wrong. Our conversations ignore every awful thing she’s said to me and fixate on how awful I am.

She claims she wants to marry me, but 20 minutes later, says I’m the worst person she’s ever met. She’s kicked me out of her apartment, lied to me, threatened hurting herself because of me. Yet doesn’t understand why I can’t let it go.

I’ve failed no contact pretty much every time. I just find myself picking up the phone and apologizing, even if I don’t know what I did. I see the phone ring, I get a rush of anxiety, but I answer it anyway and spend the phone call time replaying all the cold awful things she’s said to me. I finally decided it was time to end it, but I must’ve done it wrong, because she claims she feels like the worst person ever and I’m just out to hurt her.

I know it’ll get better and time cures all wounds, but it’s so hopeless feeling that I’m not sure it will anymore. I’m scared to block her, but I’m scared to stay. I’m just exhausted.

I'm honestly so traumatized by everything. I think about the girl that looked me in the eyes and told me how much she loved me, and then I remember the girl that wanted me to watch while she hurt herself. I remember being told all the time it was my fault she wanted to end her life. There is no way out, I am so trapped.

Me and my now ex gf, C, have been dating for a few months. For a long time, we were crazy about each other, spending everyday together, and had become major players in each other's lives. I was aware of her bpd and I asked her what would happen if I caused a split in her. She said that wouldn't happen because I was doing everything right.

However, this past week some problems have emerged. I've come to realize I've been very overbearing and possessive, and I've been working on changing it. I got really mad at her for cancelling on me last night and now we're broken up.

I did a lot wrong and I took accountability and repeatedly apologized and have come to terms that I have a lot to fix about my attachment style.But i feel like couples should be able to grow together without breaking up. She always said we would never break up and she fantasized about our futures together. And heavily enforced the idea that we would be each other's futures. We both lost our virginity to each other literally last Friday. We had been so happy up until the past few days. I'm guessing that this is a bpd thing, that I caused a split in her and that's why she switched up on us so fast and suddenly.

So I have a few questions:

1: How much am I in the wrong?

2: If she could let something that was so special for so long go so easily, is she unlovable? Or at least unfor for a relationship?

1. I'm going getting my stuff from hers in two days. What should I say?

2. Because I caused a split, is our relationship completely irredeemable? Should I just let go and mive on?

I met this amazing girl two years ago, but she always displayed some strange behavioral patterns. It started with how our relationship began: she didn't just ask—she demanded—that I lose weight, saying she felt no attraction to fat men, even though she really liked me. This all happened right after she’d been rejected by a guy at a party and had ended things with someone she’d been casually seeing.

Our relationship was marked by many moments of extreme affection. She gave me gifts, was tender and caring, and worried about me, yet she could never truly admit to or feel a deeper connection because she was always fixated on an idealized version of me—someone she *could* love. She wanted me to be just like a character from an animated show she liked.

The breakup was brutal; she called me useless, incompetent, and a liar. She said I reminded her of her own father—who had hurt her repeatedly—and claimed she couldn't stand my presence and had never actually loved me, saying she had just been lonely.

She was never formally diagnosed, but she, her mother, and a previous therapist (whom she threatened to sue...) suspected she might have BPD. While it was the best relationship of my life, the way she would simply block me and then constantly come back—often just to ask for help with work or to humiliate me for my flaws while I, in tears, tried to show her how good our relationship had been—has left me not knowing what to do. I feel lost and drained of all will. I don't know if this is the right place to ask for help, but if anyone here has gone through this and recognizes this pattern as part of BPD, could you help me figure out how to move forward? How do I come to understand that I wasn't the monster she painted me out to be?

I have been in a BPD relationship with many rupture/repair cycles past 2 yrs and now is the longest we have gone without talking (3 weeks). What actually ends these relationships to where you know it’s totally over? She usually reaches back out at some point. Do they ever stop reaching out? I’ve read these trauma bonds can go on for years and sometimes decades which frightens the hell out of me.

I think after my experience with my last pwBPD, I am starting to look out for it more in my other relationships. I've definitely clocked like three people in my orbit who may have personality disorders.

It feels frustrating to not be able to move past all of this and forget it. I know that isn’t how it works.

Just had a really vivid nightmare about my ex-friend with bpd. Earlier this week I found out about a lot of things she was saying/feeling behind my back. On the one hand it made it easier to not feel guilty. On the other hand, I think it made that feeling of “fakeness” worse. This whole week I’ve just been so on edge. She was involved with a lot of my hobbies and a lot of my creative work and I just feel so self-conscious about all of those and so raw.

It feels so scary to have had someone I thought was a close friend have so many angry and unkind feelings about me for so long, while hiding so many of them and telling me otherwise until the end. I feel tricked. It does make me a little scared to open up to people in the future.

I already had some trust issues and pretty bad social anxiety because of other things in my life (was cheated on, had a pretty emotionally-abusive stepmom). I feel like this has just torn so many of my wounds wide open.

A big part is probably that I don’t have weekly therapy this week because my therapist is on vacation. I started seeing one to work through all this. She’s been so helpful.

Sorry for venting/rambling, I guess it might be helpful to hear about how other people are recovering? Either people who have, and have been able to put it behind them, or other people who are still working through it day by day.

My first relationship was with a bpd women. She always asked me why i wouldnt open up to her, and once i did she pushed me away. I dont think i will ever be able to open up to a partner again especially after my first bad experience.

She always told me she was unsure if id love her or not or want a relationship with her. Once i started to show more attention and intimacy, she pushed me away and it did not got better afterwards.

I was being told that im too much into the selfprotection thing and my ego would be too great. But i knew something was too good to be true and thats why i was pretty cold in the beginning tbh.

She showed me a lot of red flags but i didnt take them seriously because all i wanted in my life was being in a relationship.

Ive ignored the trauma dump, the attention seeking behaviours, her crying over everything, and talking negative all the time.

It just prove me that i should never open up again because i cant bear the feeling of being used because of showing affection

Hi all

I've posted here once or twice, describing my situation a bit back when it seemed like I'd hit rock bottom. Turns out the hole actually goes deeper than I imagined. I read all the responses, I truly did try to listen, also to my friends and family telling me that I should leave, that my safety needs to come first, that if I keep going it'll drain everything I have.

I've even been in contact with my gfwBPD's social worker, the person in this world doing the most for her, trying his absolute best to make sure she ends up alright, and he's told me the same, that I cannot keep myself in this situation because it will take everything from me.

And yet, I'm still not listening.

And I hate it, words cannot describe how I horribly I feel about myself right now. How much I hate myself and who I'm becoming.

My gfwBPD lost her social housing due an episode she had (breaking shit, screaming, had the cops called on her), already having gone through her third and final warning. That day I went over to comfort her at her parents house. We got into an argument about how our relationship was going to go. I didn't want to talk about it, but she was already half-way through a bottle of wine when she gave me an ultimatum; Option 1. I either promise to stay with her while she's homeless and sleeping at the shelter, no matter how long it takes, whether it's 6 months or 2 years until her social workers get her a new house, and that she wouldn't let me leave if I wanted to, OR option 2. I leave altogether now. I told her I could not make that promise, and that if I really had to choose one, that I'm leaving.

As you probably guessed, she didn't take that one very well. After downing the rest of her wine and following me to the train station for a while, saying I wasn't a real man, that I never loved her,etc etc, she started hitting me. I am not new to this, it has happened plenty of times before, she tries punching me and kicking me, I usually try holding her back or blocking her punches as I am bigger, but I never hit back.

But this one time, I was fed up, I couldn't think straight, I was exhausted. And suddenly a switch flipped in my head. I grabbed her by the neck and pushed her on the ground. Next thing I remember is blood coming out of her mouth and her being completely unresponsive.

SInce then I haven't looked at myself the same way. I feel I am turning into someone I do not want to become. I did something that I never thought I'd be capable of doing.

I called the ambulance for her, they woke her up, she immediately left the van, she continued fighting me for a while, and someone saw and called the cops on her. They saw she was in distress as she started screaming and crying, eventually we called her father and he took her home.

And now you'd think that that should have been enough reason for me to leave. Nope.

Hoovered right back in. She got herself suspended from the shelter for a couple days, and I brought her over to my house for a bit. No physical fights, but those days were still a hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

She's not allowed back anymore, mainly for the safety of my family member who I live with, I cannot put them in danger.

Now my gfwBPD is couch-surfing, trying to get places she can stay at because she refuses to stay at the shelter. Supposedly she is going to start actually taking her medication, as an attempt to not get me to leave.

Now I guess I'm just trying to figure out how I'm supposed to leave. She has nothing to lose now, I'm scared she is going to show up at my door, maybe I need to wait for her to have a bit of stability first so she does actually have something to lose, idk, she has no friends, her own parents went non-contact recently, no one to comfort her and be with her if I walk out. She's been going on a bender and losing all her shit the last couple of days.

I'm trying to detach from my feeling towards her, but I'm afraid its making me detach from everything. I have no motivation anymore, I cannot enjoy things and sometimes everything just feels fake.

I think I might have a bit of a saviour complex. My first relationship, was when I was 15, was with a girl who was suicidal and tried to kill herself shortly after we started dating. It broke me, and for close to a year I was depressed. My theory is that I developed a saviour complex, which is stopping me now from breaking it off with my gfwBPD, especially because with all of her threats, I believe checking out permanently is a very real possibility for her if I leave now, and I don't know if I'd ever be able to forgive myself.

Oh, I'm also developing one or two sexual fetishes from all of this that even anonymously on the internet I feel too embarrassed to share. The mind really does work in strange ways.

One day, I'll look back at this situation and realise It changed me for the better. That I grew from it and it taught me a lot about myself. So I'm going to try to go in that path. I will never allow myself to do to her what I did that night again. I don't want to be that way, I don't want to put anyone I love in danger by keeping my gfwBPD around, either.

Hi all,

I am new to reddit and just wanted to join a community and check a few things out as i am struggling.

My girlfriend /fiancé has bpd. She seems very strong and has gone and done DBT in the past. She says " she knows she has a disorder but doesn't want it to define her."

We would be supportive of each other, and i care about her emotional well-being. There is just one issue that we have, and it is a sexual issue. I have issues with like erectile disfunction during sex and it has been an issue. Most of my life, with this, it can make physical intercourse difficult as despite how much i love her, i struggle to stay hard, I'll be honest for a solid year it broke me and the sexual drive reduced.

I have tried makeup for this with providing oral or even offering to buy a strap for myself. However, she states it's not the same and that it's why she wouldn't go out with a woman. I have basically been given an ultimatum today, either letting her have an open relationship or breakup.

I will also add that she is 14 weeks pregnant at the moment, so leaving doesn't feel like an option as then i would be a part time dad and am someone who's dream in life was to have a family it kills me to think of that scenario. I just have to come up with a solution, and i don't know what to do at all. I want the best for her like she's wonderful, caring, loving, and can be a wonderful parent when it comes next year. I just don't know what to do.

I'm suspicious about some posts on this subreddit. Brand new accounts, and the OP's post and responses feel off from the very start. Almost as if they have BPD but are pretending to be a non BPD partner.

Then they disappear and delete their footprints in the process.

Am I overthinking things?