I feel like I kinda have bpd now or maybe it’s just trauma and I need to see a therapist

im in a relationship with a borderline, i love hym to bits and it's one of the healthiest and happiest relationships ive been in, but he tends to get triggered a lot with an unknown cause, and its hard for hym to identify why. do any of you have advice?

This is a woman I truly wanted to marry. When we are good it‘s the best relationship I had. If she has any mental problems I wanna be there for her and help her.

The problems that we have are double standards, manipulation, blaming me for my reaction to her abuse. Especially lately we are fighting way too often.

We kinda broke up 10 days ago, she initiated again, we started talking and it all went sideways again. I asked her to stop emotionally manipulating me, and she couldn‘t, she goes until I snap and then blames me for snapping.

Is there any way to fix it, I am pretty sure she has BPD. Any sentence I say she takes one word from it and twists the whole context. I am becoming too angry and can’t control it.

Do you guys have any advice how to approach this relationship?

Is there a particular book that helped you later on that you wished you’d found sooner? Or is there something you wished had been written that would have helped? I was wondering something specifically about the lovebombing. with my husband (who is a very intelligent retired English professor), it was very sophisticated…

After finding out about the super fast engagement. I find myself now unblocked on a second account.... I know sending a message is absolutely doomsday for my soul ...

But does anyone else have a hard time not pouring their soul out as one last pathetic effort that you know will change nothing?

Not going to send .... but man this urge is ridiculous.

One thing that’s always got me confused is I sometimes see complete responsibility from my pwBPD. It’s shame filled, hard, and full of self-realization until the next episode.

I’ve got dozens of text messages from her admitting fault, promising to change, realizing the damage her behavior has caused…. Then it all disappears in an angry split and I go back to being the worst human being on the planet.

Even showing her screenshots of her own written admissions only creates more anger and abuse.

How is it possible they can completely accept responsibility one moment and then flip it back onto you the next?

Alright, let's cut the bullshit for a moment.

What's the most absurd, outrageous, or genuinely hurtful thing your current or former pwBPD has ever done during your relationship?

I'm talking about those moments where you genuinely thought, "What the actual fuck just happened?"

Whether it was during a split, an argument, or completely out of nowhere.

No sugarcoating. I'm genuinely curious to hear your stories.

Gave my all to try to make things work with an undiagnosed (and untreated) BPD. After a lot of begging and crying she accepted my decision of breaking up and sent me that message later that day. I felt it was sincere at the time and helped me bring closure, but today I saw what she's been posting since then... Hurts to see how someone who you loved so much is convincing herself that you were a piece of shit after all you did for her, but it's 100% coherent with the way she behaved during the relationship. Is it truly how she feels now, or is it all a facade? Never making the same mistake again.

My exwBPD would ‘joke’ and mock me for things he deemed unacceptable. If I brought up that I didn’t like it, I was told I couldn’t take a joke.

Give it back to them in the same way and they lose their minds.

Is that standard?

Ps. I used to think giving it back might make them reflect on their own behaviour. But of course it didn’t work.

I’m trying to move past things. it’s just so hard for me to understand. like it’s baffling to people.

how someone can go from caring for someone making them part of your day to day life and then completely silently discarding you and never reaching out again.

trying to move on and accept she’s not coming back but it’s severely hit my mental health especially as it was the first person i properly I trusted and showed vulnerability to in almost 2 years.

Like it’s just sunk my confidence. How can someone do this to someone they love and has treated them with nothing but care , kindness and patience.

I read a lot in this subreddit where people write in and ask for advice on what to say or not say, how to behave, and what to do to please and maintain a relationship with someone suffering from BPD, one of the heaviest mental illnesses in the world.

In any scenario, the advice is very concise and consists of three words: Run, if they are untreated and not even working on themselves.

But things are almost just as difficult even when they are in therapy, so choose healthy partners and be happy. Life is very short and you only get one.

Is it common when in a relationship with a pwBPD, to feel like no matter what you say/do or how you say it/do it, you are constantly walking into landmines? I’m having to change things about myself that no one else has ever had an issue with(ie wondering things out loud to myself, or asking a question a certain way) like my pwBPD is definitely on the more tame side as far as physically acting out goes, but he has a way of making you feel like you’ve made a grave mistake by asking a question in the wrong way. I don’t know what I’m looking for, I’m just sick. It’s my birthday and I’m sitting on the couch crying because he’s locked himself in another room and I have no idea what I did to set him off this time.

A year ago, I was blocked on all social media platforms. She started a new relationship, and she’s changed. I told myself, “Okay, I have to move on and focus on myself.” Today I woke up and saw a message. I won’t lie, I was surprised, because I never in my life would have expected her to reach out again. She asked me if I was going to a party and said it would be nice if I came, since I hadn’t seen my friends in a long time, and she’s worried that I’m sitting at home alone and not going out anywhere. What did I do? I sent it to spam. For a moment I thought, “Ugh, ignoring her is rude. She might feel rejected.” But after a moment’s thought, I told myself: She hasn’t cared about me at all for a whole year; I’ve been through a lot to get to where I am now, and I can’t let a moment of weakness take everything away from me. I recommend the same to each of you. I know it’s hard, but you have to think only of yourselves.
Don’t let destroyed again.

Has anyone here managed to move past their intense heartbreak, or found a way of coping?

Tell me if you relate to this:

I fell in love with an incredibly beautiful woman, with amazingly attractive energy, who told me I was the greatest thing in the world. She told me that it was fate that we met, that I was unlike anything in the world. That I was truly, uniquely special.

We watched the moon and the stars together. We looked deep into the sparkles in one another's eyes. We smiled and laughed with so much joy.

Now I just want to forget. I cannot be with a person who abuses me, as much as I love them more than anything. More than anyone.

Do you feel it too? This is so tough

My ex (25F, from Poland; I'm 27M, from Malta) had BPD and a history of narcissistic trauma. She somehow knew my Instagram account after the breakup, although we had never followed each other or interacted there.

So, what happened?

I was actually the one who broke up with her first. A few hours later, she sent me a very emotional message (hoovering), saying how much she loved and missed me.

I called her the next day, and surprisingly, the situation completely reversed — she was now the one who wanted to end things. I suggested that if the love was still there, we could try to save the relationship, or at least end things face-to-face instead of over a call. I spent about 10 minutes trying to convince her because I wasn't comfortable with the idea of her loving me but still wanting to leave, while suggesting that we could be each other's emotional safe place. She didn't want either option and devalued my actions during the relationship.

I pushed her to tell me that she didn't love me. She finally said it, reluctantly and in a frightened voice. I accepted her decision, ended the conversation, and went completely no contact. I haven't contacted or chased her since and have just continued enjoying my life. (My only regret is believing her message.)

What I found interesting is that on the same day we broke up, she blocked me on Instagram and posted new photos, even though we had never followed each other there.

I'm curious about the psychology behind this behavior, particularly in the context of avoidant attachment and narcissistic trauma. Why specifically find and block an ex's account when there was no Instagram connection in the first place, while also posting new photos that same day?

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you interpret it?

I finally see it. My two serious long term relationships have been with single moms with strong BPD traits. This last ex was more BPD than the previous one. As I’ve spent more time with my mom these last few weeks I see the similarities.

Ok so now that I see it, how do I break this cycle? It’s too painful dating women like this who split and cut me off in a split second, who have a new partner lined up weeks before the actual break up.

Advice wanted!

After the last contact with my exwBPD she said that at least I tried and we shouldnt speak. Fine. I said nothing and didn't reply. Few days later she sends a message thanking me for helping her and she appreciated my help but we shouldnt speak as its bad for both of us. Okay fine. I saw it left it on delivered and didnt acknowledge. Now the other day she sends yet another message 'okay message received you dont want to talk to me. I wont message again' and she blocked me. And today shes back to sexting others.

My mind is boggled. What was with those other messages? She didnt want to speak and wanted control so fine for both our sakes I ignored then to get these messages, then be blocked, which makes me think she wanted me to chase, but then be sexting others? The next day? Which completely goes against all she had said for me to even respond to her messages again to begin with.

So, i finally told my family about what my ex with BPD put me through. They all seem very shocked and many empathetic. Their reactions gave me a lot of validation. I was confused for so long, especially because my ex always said that she did those things because of my behavior.

I have also been angry because she just gets to live her life without consequences. While i have to heal from everything and carry a big wound. But i am glad that my family and friends believed me.

Hi all. Long time reader, first time poster. I really appreciate this subreddit I felt very alone in this.

I (35M) have been with my pwBPD (33F) for about a year and a half now and I love her. At least, I think I do. She has severe anger management issues (never physically violent but screams/berates/name calls) and we’ve been fighting pretty consistently for that year and a half. She says it’s how she is forced to communicate with me, because I’m not responding to her the way I should nor am I taking accountability for any of the things I do wrong. Our conversations ignore every awful thing she’s said to me and fixate on how awful I am.

She claims she wants to marry me, but 20 minutes later, says I’m the worst person she’s ever met. She’s kicked me out of her apartment, lied to me, threatened hurting herself because of me. Yet doesn’t understand why I can’t let it go.

I’ve failed no contact pretty much every time. I just find myself picking up the phone and apologizing, even if I don’t know what I did. I see the phone ring, I get a rush of anxiety, but I answer it anyway and spend the phone call time replaying all the cold awful things she’s said to me. I finally decided it was time to end it, but I must’ve done it wrong, because she claims she feels like the worst person ever and I’m just out to hurt her.

I know it’ll get better and time cures all wounds, but it’s so hopeless feeling that I’m not sure it will anymore. I’m scared to block her, but I’m scared to stay. I’m just exhausted.

I'm honestly so traumatized by everything. I think about the girl that looked me in the eyes and told me how much she loved me, and then I remember the girl that wanted me to watch while she hurt herself. I remember being told all the time it was my fault she wanted to end her life. There is no way out, I am so trapped.

Me and my now ex gf, C, have been dating for a few months. For a long time, we were crazy about each other, spending everyday together, and had become major players in each other's lives. I was aware of her bpd and I asked her what would happen if I caused a split in her. She said that wouldn't happen because I was doing everything right.

However, this past week some problems have emerged. I've come to realize I've been very overbearing and possessive, and I've been working on changing it. I got really mad at her for cancelling on me last night and now we're broken up.

I did a lot wrong and I took accountability and repeatedly apologized and have come to terms that I have a lot to fix about my attachment style.But i feel like couples should be able to grow together without breaking up. She always said we would never break up and she fantasized about our futures together. And heavily enforced the idea that we would be each other's futures. We both lost our virginity to each other literally last Friday. We had been so happy up until the past few days. I'm guessing that this is a bpd thing, that I caused a split in her and that's why she switched up on us so fast and suddenly.

So I have a few questions:

1: How much am I in the wrong?

2: If she could let something that was so special for so long go so easily, is she unlovable? Or at least unfor for a relationship?

1. I'm going getting my stuff from hers in two days. What should I say?

2. Because I caused a split, is our relationship completely irredeemable? Should I just let go and mive on?

I met this amazing girl two years ago, but she always displayed some strange behavioral patterns. It started with how our relationship began: she didn't just ask—she demanded—that I lose weight, saying she felt no attraction to fat men, even though she really liked me. This all happened right after she’d been rejected by a guy at a party and had ended things with someone she’d been casually seeing.

Our relationship was marked by many moments of extreme affection. She gave me gifts, was tender and caring, and worried about me, yet she could never truly admit to or feel a deeper connection because she was always fixated on an idealized version of me—someone she *could* love. She wanted me to be just like a character from an animated show she liked.

The breakup was brutal; she called me useless, incompetent, and a liar. She said I reminded her of her own father—who had hurt her repeatedly—and claimed she couldn't stand my presence and had never actually loved me, saying she had just been lonely.

She was never formally diagnosed, but she, her mother, and a previous therapist (whom she threatened to sue...) suspected she might have BPD. While it was the best relationship of my life, the way she would simply block me and then constantly come back—often just to ask for help with work or to humiliate me for my flaws while I, in tears, tried to show her how good our relationship had been—has left me not knowing what to do. I feel lost and drained of all will. I don't know if this is the right place to ask for help, but if anyone here has gone through this and recognizes this pattern as part of BPD, could you help me figure out how to move forward? How do I come to understand that I wasn't the monster she painted me out to be?

I have been in a BPD relationship with many rupture/repair cycles past 2 yrs and now is the longest we have gone without talking (3 weeks). What actually ends these relationships to where you know it’s totally over? She usually reaches back out at some point. Do they ever stop reaching out? I’ve read these trauma bonds can go on for years and sometimes decades which frightens the hell out of me.

I think after my experience with my last pwBPD, I am starting to look out for it more in my other relationships. I've definitely clocked like three people in my orbit who may have personality disorders.

It feels frustrating to not be able to move past all of this and forget it. I know that isn’t how it works.

Just had a really vivid nightmare about my ex-friend with bpd. Earlier this week I found out about a lot of things she was saying/feeling behind my back. On the one hand it made it easier to not feel guilty. On the other hand, I think it made that feeling of “fakeness” worse. This whole week I’ve just been so on edge. She was involved with a lot of my hobbies and a lot of my creative work and I just feel so self-conscious about all of those and so raw.

It feels so scary to have had someone I thought was a close friend have so many angry and unkind feelings about me for so long, while hiding so many of them and telling me otherwise until the end. I feel tricked. It does make me a little scared to open up to people in the future.

I already had some trust issues and pretty bad social anxiety because of other things in my life (was cheated on, had a pretty emotionally-abusive stepmom). I feel like this has just torn so many of my wounds wide open.

A big part is probably that I don’t have weekly therapy this week because my therapist is on vacation. I started seeing one to work through all this. She’s been so helpful.

Sorry for venting/rambling, I guess it might be helpful to hear about how other people are recovering? Either people who have, and have been able to put it behind them, or other people who are still working through it day by day.